Justin’s POV

Ethan disappeared overnight.

While his spectre had been haunting my dreams, the corporeal Ethan had done a bunk; packed a few of his possessions (and doubtless some of mine), and vanished into thin air. This is what Detective Horvath told us that morning when he, a uniformed officer, and Deb arrived at the highly unsociable hour of 8:30.

I felt so delicate and vulnerable that morning that I was sure if someone so much as spoke loudly to me, I would shatter into a million pieces. Brian, sensing this, had shown me more tenderness and compassion that I’d ever thought him capable of. Even though it made me feel like I was five again, I loved the way he fussed over me, taking the time to touch and cuddle and caress me.

But even in this state, I was able to realize that it didn’t take two police officers and stone-faced Debbie to all come in person to tell us Ethan hadn’t been at the apartment that morning. A phone call would have been sufficient, or Deb could’ve just come herself.

Something about this wasn’t right…

“Well, where the fuck did he go?” Brian asked, absolutely livid, as he had every right to be. He was stomping up and down the loft, looking slightly manic with his bare feet and unshaven countenance. He turned suddenly, whirling on the pair of police officers. “I want him fucking found. I won’t rest until that asshole gets want he fucking deserves!”

“And be assured the Law won’t rest either,” Horvath retorted, “but we’d prefer it if criminals were not found by those baying for their blood. You did the police a great service by not beating Gold into a pulp last night; don’t blow it now, Kinney.”

Brian didn’t retort, but slammed down onto the sofa, looking daggers at Horvath and his partner. I quietly slid off my bar stool and limped over to where Brian was slumped, feeling four pairs of eyes on me. Brian held out an arm to me, his anger dissipating somewhat, and I gingerly clambered onto the sofa next to him, needing his physicality and support.

“You’d just better find him before I do,” Deb suddenly cut it, watching Brian and I with an expression as close to rage as I’d ever seen on her. “That kid should be skinned alive for what he’s doing to Sunshine…”

“What is he doing?” I asked, immediately recognizing that the last statement should have been ‘for what he’s DONE…’ 

‘Doing’ implied that Ethan was still capable of harming me in some way; he was still able to get to me. It meant that this was not over; may be Ethan wanted revenge. The thought made me stiffen with uneasiness and Brian put a hand on the back of my neck, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze.

Horvath shot Deb a warning look and then turned to me, his face softening in something that was unmistakably empathy. Not really wanting to hear whatever was coming next, I unconsciously sank back against Brian’s comforting body.

“Mr. Gold seemed to be under the impression that the next person to enter his apartment would be you,” Horvath explained, signalling the other officer to bring him the file she’d been holding. “He left a note, addressed to you, on the table.”

Horvath extracted a torn piece of yellow legal pad out of the folder, and I could see Ethan’s distinctive writing showing through the back of the paper. Horvath held the paper out to me and I instinctively shrank away as if he were offering me a snake. The nightmare began to replay over and over in my mind.

“Just tell him what it says,” Brian told Horvath quietly, wrapping and arm around my waist and pulling me in tight against his side. 

I leaned my cheek against Brian’s shoulder, bracing my nerves and stealing myself to act like a man, and then raised my head to look at the detective again and nodded.

“Alright, son,” Horvath agreed, with a nod of understanding. “Mr. Gold essentially expresses his regret about your departure and his opinion that Mr. Kinney here has somehow indoctrinated you and set you against him. He makes several threats against his own life under the pretence of ‘I can’t live without you’.”

“But he used to do that all the time,” I interrupted softly. “He used to threaten to do things to himself to get me to do what he wanted.”

I trailed off, too humiliated to continue. My inability to defend myself, my willingness to bend to Ethan’s every will, made me sound so weak and stupid. Even when he wasn’t physically present, Ethan still degraded and shamed me.

“Yes, we’ve been informed of that,” Horvath continued, and I could only assume Deb had relayed to them what Brian had told her. “But I’m afraid that’s not where Gold’s coercions end this time. He acknowledges your fondness for his cat and threatens-”

“No!” I cried suddenly, pushing myself off the couch, trying to ignore the shooting pain in my knee. “No! Ethan loved Wolfram- he wouldn’t hurt him! He…he…”

But even as I spoke the words, I knew they weren’t entirely true. I vividly remember once holding Wolfram in my arms, taking comfort in his soft, warm little body after a particularly painful incident with Ethan. Ethan had stalked over to me, seized the cat by the scruff of the neck, and had literally thrown him across the room, yelling at me that I loved Wolfram more than I loved him.

Mercifully, Wolfram had been uninjured and unphased by the incident, but it’d seriously scared me. Later, when Ethan was asleep, I’d held the cat in my lap, stoking his long, silken fur, and telling him he should run away, he should find a new home. Wolfram had just purred and pushed his head up against my fingers, settling more comfortably into the nook of my crossed legs.

“No…” I said again, stupidly, feeling panic and helplessness rising in my chest. “No, he can’t, don’t let him…”

“Justin.” 

I felt Brian’s hands at my waist, pulling me backwards onto the couch again. I tried to resist, but my knee protested painfully and Brain was much stronger than I was. I fell back onto the couch, but I wriggled away from Brian’s embrace, still pleading for someone to save Wolfram.

“We found the cat, Mr. Taylor,” Horvath’s partner cut in, just as Brian managed to capture and hold me in him arms. “It seems as if Gold tried to take it with him, but the cat- ‘Wolfram’ according to the tag on his collar- apparently escaped and found his way back to the apartment.”

I actually sagged with relief, slumping back against Brian and feeling his arms wrapping themselves protectively around my chest. Then it suddenly struck me what had sounded odd about the officer’s explanation.

“What do you mean ‘escaped’?” I asked urgently, “Is Wolfram OK? Where is he?”

“He’s at the Pittsburgh Animal Hospital,” the officer explained gently. “He had a few minor injuries that seemed to be constituent with rough handling and being forcibly confined in a small place. It’s certainly enough evidence to change Gold with animal cruelty.” 

“Fuck animal cruelty!” Brian suddenly growled angry, his words vibrating against my back. “What about cruelty to Justin? That little shit has been putting him through hell for months! I thought that’s what you came here for!” 

“That’s not why we’re here,” Horvath interjected delicately. “We’re here to warn Justin and yourself of something a bit more troubling.” He paused and looked down at Ethan’s little opus, which he was still holding in his hand.

“This note ends, ‘Don’t look for me, I’ll find you. We were meant to be together, My Love. If I can’t have you, no one can.’…We believe this last statement may be a serious threat against Justin’s life.” 

This was greeted by absolute silence- you could hear a pin drop or a fly clearing its throat. My whole body seemed to freeze, as if someone were filling me up with liquid nitrogen and a cold hand was closing over my heart. Brian’s arms had stiffened around me and his breathing had become shallow and uneven.

“This note is damning evidence for Gold,” Horvath went on, his voice cutting through the silence like a hot knife through butter. “He signed it; with means we can match his signature. He’s made specific threats against his life and Justin’s, as well as threatening to harm an animal, all with the intention of manipulation and control. He can’t talk his way out of this one.”

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘this one’?” Deb cut in suddenly, her high-pitched voice seeming to grate against my raw nerve endings. “Has this little shit been terrorizing other innocent kids?”

I still couldn’t move or speak; thoughts and emotions were exploding like fireworks in my mind, raising havoc. Things weren’t clicking into place, nothing was processing; nothing made sense. Brian’s silence and stillness behind me meant he was either equally stunned, or rigid with fury. I couldn’t see his face, so I couldn’t tell.

“Ethan Gold has a criminal record,” Horvath explained, looking as if he were talking about something distasteful. “He was charged as a young offender with two separate accounts of criminal harassment and sexual abuse. It looks as if someone influential managed to have the charges waived so Gold could continue on with his high profile career as a professional violinist.”

I felt a wave of nausea rising inside me, created by the hurricane of disbelief and betrayal and fear. I couldn’t think straight and my vision started to swim as I extracted myself from Brian’s arms and staggered towards the bathroom. I heard someone- Brian- get up and start to come after me, but someone said ‘leave him’, and I was left alone.

Once I’d limped into the bathroom and closed the door softly, I slid onto the floor by the toilet, unable to kneel because of my knee. When the painful heaving finally subsided, I lay down on the cool tiles on my back and let the hot tears flow unabated. 

I’d been lied to, betrayed, victimized. 

I’d really thought Ethan had loved me at first, but in reality, I’d just been another one of his conquests; a stupid little blond boy who was an easy target. He’d never loved me, he’d never felt anything for me except for that sadistic desire to control and manipulate. And I’d left Brian for him…Ethan must have been so fucking proud of himself.

I curled my hands into fists and screwed my eyes shut, clenching my jaw to try and stifle the angry sobs. Outside, I could hear the conversation continuing; Horvath’s deep voice interspersed with Brian’s and Deb’s, and the occasional input by Horvath’s partner. 

My sobs died away due to sheer exhaustion and I just lay there on the floor, staring up at the ceiling and thinking how fucked up this all was.

I’m not sure how much time passed before I heard the distinctive sound of the loft door sliding open and shut, indicating people were leaving. Knowing that Brian would come looking for me now, I hauled myself up off the floor and limped over to the sink. 

My reflection gazed back at me; my face red and tear-streaked, my hair a tangled mess, puffy panda eyes staring blankly. I turned on the water ice-cold and splashed the icy liquid onto my face, gasping a bit at the sharp sting.

But I found when I went to lower my hands from my dripping face, I couldn’t do it; I wanted to stay in the comforting darkness, blocking out the world forever.

~~

Brian’s POV

“Mr. Kinney?”

I’d been so intent on straining to hear what Justin was doing in the bathroom that I completely missed what was being said to me. Deb, who had taken Justin’s position beside me, patted my knee gently as if to say ‘he’ll be fine for a few minutes by himself.’

“What was that?” I asked, looking up at Horvath’s partner who had been the one attempting to communicate with me.

“Mr. Kinney, I was just saying that we believe Justin will be safest if he remained with you until we find Gold. From what we’ve heard, Gold is not likely to seek another confrontation with you.”

He’d better fucking not, I thought to myself.

“I won’t let Justin out of my sight,” I assured them instead. “The kid’s pretty shaken up, I don’t think he really intends on going anywhere without me for a while.”

“Debbie and I are going to pay a visit to Justin’s mother,” Horvath continued, “so that she’s aware of what is going on, and so she knows what to do if she has an encounter with Ethan. Detective Munro here is going to finish the investigation in Gold’s apartment, and then we’ll be able to send most of Justin’s possessions back to him.”

“I suggest,” Horvath paused, and looked in the direction of the bathroom before lowering his voice to continue, “you get young Taylor to a medical clinic as soon as he’ll agree to go.”

“For his knee?” I asked, wondering why a bruised knee cap warranted so much hush-hush.

“And for the rest of him,” Horvath said softly. “Gold has been charged with sexual assault. It would be very naive to assume that Justin didn’t suffer some kind of sexual or physical abuse at his hands. Have you found any evidence of it?”

Feeling my heart starting to race, I briefly explained about the marks I had found on Justin’s body earlier that morning. God, how could I have been so fucking blind before?

“In this case, I think the possibility that Justin may have been raped at least once is fairly high,” Horvath responded when I’d finished. “He may have been lead to believe it wasn’t forced or unconsentual, and therefore may not be willing to admit it. I highly suggest a full medical examination, both for his safety and for evidence in our case against Gold.”

“Fuck. I…shit.” I murmured, stumbling on my words as yet another wave of sympathy and gut-wrenching worry for Justin washed over my head. “OK, I’ll take him…but only if he agrees to go…I’m not going to force him into anything he’s not ready for.”

Horvath’s partner gave me the name of a clinic that would give Justin’s examination priority for police purposes. The three of them then prepared to depart for their various destinations, Horvath shaking my hand and reminding me not to kill Ethan if I came across him again. Deb, always the mother hen, came to me and took my face in her hands.

“I’m so proud of you, Honey,” she told me with affectionate sincerity. “Sunshine would be lost if it weren’t for you. You may be wrong about a lotta things, but you’re never wrong when it comes to him. Now you take good care of that boy, ya hear?” 

When the three of them had gone, I slumped heavily against the sliding metal door, resting my forehead against its cool surface. Fuck. I couldn’t even begin to grasp the enormity of what had just happened. This was far, far more than what I’d bargained for when I got the police involved.

Justin- my Justin- had been living with THAT- a violent serial offender- for three months without even realizing it? How the fuck had I let that happen?

I sure as to hell wasn’t going to let it happen again.

I heard the sound of running water and it reminded me with a jolt about where Justin was at that moment. I went quickly to the bathroom doorway and looked in to find Justin standing at the sink with both hands over his face, rivulets of water escaping from beneath his palms to soak the collar of his shirt.

I went quietly to him and put my arms around him from behind, pulling his back tightly into my chest. I felt him jump at my touch, and he took his hands away from his face, unconsciously letting his arms fall to cover my hands with his.

I kissed him gently behind the ear as I freed one of my hands to reach for a hand towel, which I used to gently dab at his face and neck. I put the hand wrapped in the towel under his chin and made our reflections both gaze back at us; blond and chestnut, blue and hazel, pale ivory and deep gold.

“You still take my breath away,” I whispered right next to Justin’s ear, my words seeming to skim above the turmoil of our world on delicate silver wings. “You’re still so beautiful, Sunshine.”

Justin turned in my embrace and put his arms around my neck, holding onto me as if I were the last person on earth. I returned his fierce hug, my mind filled only with thoughts of him; what he’d been through and what he had to go through still. I wished I could rewind to the Rage party, and do it all over again the way it should have been…but there was no sense in dwelling on the past. 

“I’ve got you, Sunshine,” I told him again, stroking his hair and the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck. “It’s not over, and we haven’t won yet…but you’ll always have me to protect you.”