Authors notes: Anything italicized is the song. Bold is text messages __________________________________________________ Sitting up, Justin could only stare at Brian. He didn't want to leave, but for some reason he had to go. Be in New York. Sighing he slowly slipped on a pair of jeans and a shirt. Sat down on the bed and pulled on his shoes. The blond felt numb. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the older man's cheek, fighting back the tears that threatened. Memories flooded back as he grasped his jacket off the back of the sofa. Some good, some bad. Their first year together. Brian fighting love, fighting the blond with all he had.
What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage, created you a monster, broken by the rule of love? And fate has led you through it. You do what you have to do. And fate has led you through it. You do what you have to do.
Justin made his way to his mothers car. Throwing his bag in the trunk, before climbing into the seat. "You okay?" Jennifer knew that her son was hurting. Justin could only nod. It was too much. Sure he had said they'd see each other all the time, but would they? He knew this was killing Brian, but he also knew if he didn't go, their relationship would be destroyed. "Molly wishes she could be here." Jennifer didn't know how to comfort her son. "I know." He whispered back, watching as the loft faded out of sight. All he wanted to do was tell his mom to stop. Turn around. That this was all a fucking stupid idea. But he didn't. He just let her drive.
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.
"You take care of yourself. Okay?" He knew his mom was on the verge of tears. "If you need anything or you want to come home, that's okay. I love you." "I know." He whispered again. "I love you too, mom." "Honey, are you sure you want to do this?" Jennifer asked softly. Justin nodded. "I have to." She nodded back and pulled him into an embrace. "I love you, Justin." "I love you too." He tried to smile before climbing out of his mom's car and grabbing his bags. He just stood there, watching her drive off. This was it. The dream of so many artists. So why did it feel like he was dying inside? Looking down, he noticed the luggage tag. It had Brian's name on it. A tear slipped out of his eye, as he furiously wiped it away. He would not cry. He was going to be back. It wasn't forever. It wasn't permemnant.
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul. I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire, the yearning to be near you. I do what I have to do. The yearning to be near you. I do what I have to do.
Brian had felt Justin kiss his cheek. Heard the door slide shut. Knew he was alone. Now he knew why he didn't do love for so many years. He felt like a part of him was missing. The loft felt different. Standing up he went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet. Pouring some juice into it, he headed to the sofa. Passing by the counter, he noticed Justin had left a sketch pad. He'd have to give it to him tom- Then it hit him again. Justin was gone. This wasn't a little trip. He wasn't going to see him tomorrow or the next day or the day after. He didn't know when he'd see the blond again. The glass slipped from his hand and shattered. Brian didn't even realize it, but he was beginning to sob. Images of Justin in the loft assaulted him. Fuck. Justin was really gone. He didn't know he loved the lad that much. Anger soon overtook because he was Brian Kinney. But somehow the blond had made him realize that he was also human. Capable of human emotions.
AND I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go. I don't know how to let you go.
Roughly wiping his eyes, he sprinted to the bedroom and pulled on his clothes, shoes and grabbed his keys. He ran a hand through his hair as he shut the door behind him and almost tripped down the stairs. He just knew he had to get that fucking airport.
A glowing ember, burning hot, AND burning slow. Deep within, I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you.
Justin had gathered himself enough to make it to check in and get to the gate. He knew he couldn't be with Brian now. Their relationship would never make it. Brian had wanted him to go to New York. To live his dream. To make it. So he was going to do that. Make it and come back. Because he loved Brian, so much that sometimes it scared him. "Flight 352 to New York from Pittsburgh is now calling all passengers to board." Grabbing his jacket and messenger bag, he stood up and made his way to the agent taking tickets. He found his seat rather quickly and sat down. A perky redhead sat next to him. "Hi! I'm Melisa." She smiled at him. He half smiled back. "I hate take offs." She anounced. Justin nodded and went back to staring out the window. Brian loved taking off. He loved flying. A few moments later their was an anouncement that everyone had checked in and they were leaving ten minutes earlier. Soon after that the pilots were cruising and positioning the plane for take off.
I know I can't be with you. I do what I have to do. I know I can't be with you. I do what I have to do.
Brian threw the vette' into park and jumped out. "Sir you can't-" The brunette ignored the man. He jogged up to the Liberty Air information desk. "Flight 352. Has it taken off yet?" The attendant looked down. "I think you have ten minutes. You better hurry. Do you have a ticket?" Brian shook his head. "You can't get beyond security without a ticket." She told him. He nodded. "Anything. Give me a ticket for anything. New York, whatever. Charge it to the Kinnetic, Kinney account." She nodded back. "New York flight 403, okay? Leaving at 11:15." "Yes." He watched as she printed the thing and handed it to him. He took off toward security. All the while wondering what the fuck he was doing. But he just couldn't stop. Getting past security was easy at that time of night, he continued until he found the gate of flight 352. A young Liberty Air agent was sitting there. "Flight 352 boarded yet?" "I'm sorry, sir. That flight took off about ten minutes ago. Do you need to get onto another flight?" She asked. "No." Brian whispered turning away from her. He was too late. Too late to tell Justin that he thought this was a mistake. To stay here. Pulling out his phone, an idea hit him.
And I have THE sense to recognize But I don't know how to let you go.
Justin felt his jean pocket start to vibrate. Reaching down he pulled his cell out. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to shut that off before we take off." A passing flight attendant informed him. He nodded and flipped it open. It as a text from Brian. I love you. Come home. Justin felt the tears start. He quickly wrote back.
I don't know how to let you go.
Brian looked down at his phone as a familiar ring went off. I'm on the next flight back. I love you too. ___________________________________________ *Song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLauchlan