So this chapter has a song in it because it wouldn't get out of my head and it seemed to fit as well. This chapter is pretty much a filler to get you into what happened exactly. Again sorry for the anghst. But it'll be oay......SATURN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s Morning ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As I sit back in the cab after turning the corner and away from Brian I can’t help but tune into the song playing on the radio. It’s a cheesy little song but still...... The dawn is breaking A light shining through You’re barely waking And I’m tangled up in you....(yeah) Kinda reminds me of this morning. God this morning waking in Brian’s arms again, us all tangled together. It felt, so incredibly right. I wonder how I thought I was going to live my life without him in every aspect? To tell you the truth I can’t even begin to tell you now that is how I was doing it. How I plan to keep doing it. I’m open, you’re closed Where I’ll follow you’ll I worry won’t see your face Light up again My mind is just going everywhere right now. Thinking of everything that’s happened. Like last night and the way he looked at me, like he was coming home. I know it sounds corny but it’s the exact same way I felt. It’s funny to think of it now but if I think back I can remember always feeling that way when I was with him. Not that I always knew what the feeling was, but now I do and that’s enough. Because now I think it’s safe to say we are starting anew. Which is really nice. I like the fact of putting all our misgivings in the past, where they belong. Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to rhyme Out of the doubt that fills my mind I somehow find you and I collide it’s really hard to believe he’s with me... I mean I figured I would never get to have something like this, well besides that time with Jonathan. But that really doesn’t count because regardless of how much I love him I never loved him in that way. Not like I love Brian. And there’s that smile again. I’m quiet you know You make first a impression I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind I was actually scared to think I was always on his mind because I figured we weren’t ever going to get into a real relationship, and to think that if he really wanted to he could come after me still and probably break down my resolve against him and his ways. But now I’m more than happy to know I am always on his mind just as he is mine. Speaking of which..... I pull out my phone and dial an all to familiar number. ‘Ring.....Ring’ “Hello?” “Hey Trudy,” “Well hello Justin, long time since I’ve heard from you...” she sounds so accusingly that I have to chuckle a bit, but it’s true it’s been a while. “I know and I swear I’ll make it up to you as soon as work slows down a little.” “Well you better, because Jarred and I miss you.” she say a bit subdued “I know I miss you both too,” “Ok enough of this, what can I do for you?” now she’s chipper again. “Why do you automatically think I want something?” I say with of course false surprise, because the woman of course knows I want something she knows me way to well. But I like that. It makes me feel safe, for some reason. “Do you really want me to scold you some more, for that belittling comment?” she asks seriously. “No?” I hate that she can make me all the sudden feel like I’m five, and questioning myself. “Good now, on to what you want,” “Well you remember that necklace and pendant my mom had for me since I was a baby?” “Of course I do, god you used to love it when your mom would lye you down and then hang it over you. You could lye there for hours just looking at it.” she says almost dreamily. Sometimes when I really concentrate I can remember when my mom put it around my neck for the first time. She had the chain made extra long, since it wasn’t such a great thing to have your son running around in necklaces. Or at least that’s the way my father felt. “I never did understand why you took it off,” Trudy says yanking me from my memories. “It made sense after my dad threw me out,” I say remembering how I felt. “The chain always reminded me of mom and good times, and just the constant reminder of her and always wondering if she would’ve felt the same way,” “Oh Justin she wouldn’t have ever loved you any less.” she’s so adamant about her feelings for me, and that’s what has made me come to terms with the fact that she was right. My mom would’ve loved me regardless. “I know that now, thanks to you.” I hear her laugh softly. “Good,” “So I was wondering if you could get it wrapped up and sent out with a courier today to,” I wonder what she’s going to think of this part. “Brian?” “To Brian? The Brian from your graduation?” she sounds a bit surprised. “Yeah,” there’s a minute of silence. “So Brian has become someone especially special?” “You could say that,” I say cryptically. “Well you know you have to tell me now,” she says a bit exasperated. “What can I say? I am head over heels in love with the man!” or is that heels over head? Ok so I couldn’t resist the pun. “Well I knew that the first time I ever saw you look at him,” “Was I that obvious?” “I’m afraid so,” “Hmm.” “So are you two going to make a go of it?” “Yes we just got back together last night.” I say almost shyly. “Well then, I guess you’ll be bringing him over for a dinner very soon.” it’s not even a question. “I’d like that,” it’s true I want them to know him just as I want him to know them. They are all very special to me. “Ok then I will get that sent off right away, it should be there in a couple of hours.” “Thank you Trudy, it means a lot to me.” “I know sweety. Talk to you soon?” now that was a question. “Definitely, bye.” “Bye.” Even the best fall down sometimes Even the stars refuse to shine Out of the back you fall in time Somehow find you and I collide I wonder what he’ll think of the gift? It’s one of the only things I have left of my mom and I want him to have a piece of that. A piece of me that he can always have. I wonder if that is just to mushy for him? Well if he doesn’t want to wear it, it won’t break my heart. I just want him to have it. But I have to admit I hope he wants to wear it. It’s the very rarely seen romantic side of me. I must admit though that it’s nice to do something like this for Brian. To know that he’ll have something this important to me with him. I look out the window watching the trees pass by. We’re almost to the airport and I’m extremely thankful. The sooner I get on the plane and start my day the sooner I get back here. To Brian. ‘ERRRR......SQREACH .....CRUNCH,’ Don’t stop here I lost my place I’m close behind “Fuck,” what the fuck happened? I’m upside down. “Mmm,” fuck I can barely breath. It hurts so much, I need help. “Help,” shit. It’s just a whisper. “Please!” I cry out. Tears are rolling down my face and I can’t even think of being strong right now. It feels as though I can’t breath, and head hurts more than anything I have ever felt before. “Oh my god!” I hear a lady scream. “Are ok?” is she kidding? “Please,” I’m barely able to gasp for air now. “Help,” I’m all smashed into the seat. The roof is completely caved in on top of me. “Sir? Sir? Please wake up!” who the fuck is she screaming at? I’m fucking awake. “I’m calling 911 right now. Please hold on!” oh god thank you. “Hehehehe,”I can’t breath, fuck I can’t breath! I can hear the sirens! I try to stay calm, taking small shallow breaths. “Oh jesus, there’s someone in the back seat,” they never even noticed me. That’s not good. “I....” I talk, I can’t even breath. “It’s ok, the paramedics are here now. They’ll take good care of you. Just hold on.” feel her fingers gliding along my cheek. Not sure how but it does help to calm me a bit. Small breaths Justin small breaths. “Stay with me, stay awake!” oh shit, I was falling asleep. Have to stay awake. Oh god Brian. I have to see Brian. I can feel myself drifting, I don’t want to die without telling him I love him. “Brian,” I breath out with everything I have. “What did you say?” “Hhhh, Bri,” I can’t get it out. There is just to much weight on me. Such pain. I think my legs are broken and probably an arm..... “Don’t try to talk now....” “Ma’am please step aside,” I hear a mans voice now. “He’s barely holding on,” she sounds a bit hysterical. “It’s ok ma’am we’re going to get him out of there but you need to step aside.” I don’t feel her touch anymore and that makes me a bit more scared than I was before. “Sir?” “Hurts,” I manage to breath out. “I know sir, we’re going to get you out of there.” thank god.... “hey Kerry! I’m gonna need the jaws of life,” oh god is it that bad? “It’s alright sir, calm down. This will just get you out quicker.” oh well that’s good. I don’t know how long it takes for them to get me out, but I do know it feels like forever before I see the sky again. They have me on a Gurney and are rolling me to the ambulance. My breathing still isn’t any better.... “The driver didn’t make it,” I hear as we pass the driver side door. Fuck! “Looks like he snapped his neck.” as we get into the ambulance and start on our way to the hospital the EMT starts to check me over, and every spot he touches feels like I may keel over and die from the sheer pain. Then I start to black out, I fight my way back though, I can’t go.... I need Brian. “Bri...” shit. “Bri...an, pleee..ase.”so much pain. I don’t know if I can hold out. “It’s ok sir, I need you to calm down, don’t try to talk.” he says putting an oxygen mask over my face. I try to reach it with my left hand but it knocks the breath out of me from the pain. “Ahhh,” I’m gasping for breath, I can’t breath. “Sir calm down, please.” he says as we come to an abrupt stop. Suddenly there are lights going on an off over head as they move me down a hall. “Bri,... an,” “Did he lose consciousness?” hunh? “As far as we know for just a minute right now, he’s lost a lot of blood and I am sure he’s got a punctured lung,” oh god. I stop listening after that and try to grab for someone’s attention. I need them to get Brian. I pull on a nurse. “What’s your name honey?” she asks so sweetly, but I can’t make out what anyone looks like, nor do I really care. “Bri...an,” but she cuts me off. “We are going to take good care of you Brian,” “Nooo,” oh god. “Need Br...ian!” “You want us to call a Brian?” I nod my head just a bit, but I feel something sucking me under. “We’ll call him as soon as we can son.” no, I try to fight it but I can’t it’s to hard, I’m so cold. I can’t go. “He...he...lp,” I breath out but that’s all I have left in me. There’s nothing left. Even the best fall down sometimes Even the wrong words seem to rhyme Out of the doubt that fills your mind You finally find you and I collide You finally find you and I collide You finally find you and I collide.
Song title Collide by Howie Day