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Author's Notes
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In this story I really am trying my best to keep with the characters. Now that doesn't mean that at times I tend to veer a bit to the left, 'cause I definitely do however I try not to most of the time. Now I put B/OC and J/OC because they do have encounters with others but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are in relationships. Just in case anyone was wondering. Okay enough rambling go read and I hope you all enjoy it.
Justin’s POV:
I quickly walk through the loft door straight for the bedroom and my drawers. I throw them open and empty them onto the bed. I go to the closet and yank out my duffle bag and throw it on the bed so I can throw all my stuff into it. When that’s finished I go through the loft grabbing everything that is mine and getting it into a bag as well. When that’s all done, I take a long look around to the only place I ever wanted to call home since I first came here. Then I resolve myself and my will; turn and walk right back out the door.
I don’t actually know where I’m going; I just know that right now I can’t stay here. It’s just not possible for me, to sit there and take what ever scraps Brian is willing to throw my way. Not to mention that after tonight, and the way he so flippantly threw all my feelings back into my face I know that he isn’t willing to deal with anything even remotely close to our relationship. So you know what I say right now? Fuck him! I may love the man with every breath in my body, but I can’t keep letting him walk all over me, and my feelings. And you know what me being here, and trying to deal with everything is just not working either. I mean shit, I fucked around with poor Ethan thinking that, that of course would get his attention. But oh no, not Brian Kinney he has to go around the whole ordeal in any way he can. Be it telling me he won’t even consider the possibility of loving me, or throwing his tricks in my face trying to make me feel less than; so you know what I’m done. He always said he wanted to make me the best homosexual I could be so I am going to take what he gave me and turn it into the biggest fucking success story he’s ever seen, or heard of.
After all I don’t need him by my side to make it happen, sure I would’ve liked it but I don’t really think he would ever let me stay long enough either way for that to happen. So I ask myself ‘why bother fighting for it anymore?’ well I’ll tell you what I came up with it isn’t fucking worth it. The constant push and pull, the fighting over tricks, and the time he spends with me, the need for him to at least acknowledge the fact that I need some things too. It just isn’t worth it anymore. Not when my stomach is in constant knots because I don’t know when he is going to throw me out again, or when he is going to throw his little rule book in my face, or when he is going to feel the need to prove he doesn’t and never will love me, by some grand gesture, of torture. I don’t know how anyone could expect someone to last forever on something that is built that way? I have tried to live with it and I tell you there are times when I just know he loves me, I mean he will do something subtle, but then it’s like he see’s that he’s done something and just has to prove that it isn’t true. See now if he could just leave that last part out then we’d be fucking fine. I wouldn’t have this constant fight going on inside my heart and head. I wouldn’t feel like I was going mad. I mean, give a guy a fucking break already, shit. With all the shit he’s put me through you’d think I did something completely fucking horrible, but all I did was love the fucked up bastard. But damn him he just seems determined to fuck my feelings over, so what is a guy really to do in this kind of situation? Just roll over and keep playing along? Or take an extreme detour, putting things into my own hands, and making the situation a little more even? Well this may surprise you but I think I’ll take the latter. I mean he obviously isn’t going to play nice, so I’m not going to either.
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One Hour Earlier:
I walk into the back room because I have looked everywhere else for Brian, but of course I think as I see him in the one place I knew he’d be. And look he’s fucking himself at that. I think as I watch him fuck Rage. Brian looks over to me then and I raise my eyebrow and smile. I know what this is, it’s what it always is. It’s him proving to me just how much he doesn’t love me. So I walk over to them, kneeling down right in front of a man dressed as Rage, a character I helped create for fuck’s sake. He looks up to me, confusion written all over the poor guy’s face. But I just smile at him, and pet his cheek. The guy is grunting from the extra force Brian has put into his thrust and he is trying to keep his eyes focused on me,
“Does it feel good,” I ask him sweetly. Hell I’m not mad at this guy what so ever, he just happens to have stumbled in at the wrong time, just like Ethan did. I see the guy almost wince from a particularly good thrust and when he focuses on me again, he tries struggles to get the one word out..
“Yes,” then I watch as the guys head gets yanked back and out of my touch. I look up and see Brian’s hand firmly wrapped up in the guys hair, as I continue up to look into Brian’s eyes, he is breathing hard and trying his best not to look at me, but I smile at him, and he looks every so often not even breaking his stride.
“Are you going to make him beg to cum, Bri?” I ask, moving closer to them. “Are you going to cry out his name like you do mine, when you cum?” I put my hand on the guys face guiding him up so his back is flat against Brian’s chest, and Brian continues on as if nothing has happened. Fucking the guy as if his life depended on it. I take my time, moving myself so I am right up against the guys chest, with his cock firmly pressed against mine. I hear the guy moan and he puts his hands against my ass pulling me tighter to him, I let him and as his mouth descends on mine I barely move to the side putting my cheek to his so he can’t kiss my mouth, so he starts to greedily suck and kiss me on my neck, moaning like crazy. This whole time I don’t take my eyes off of Brian, he’s still trying his best not to look at me, but I put my arms around both of their shoulders pulling Brian closer so his face is right in front of mine, he looks at me and I can’t tell what the expression means, but I don’t care right now. I just tighten my hold on him, and he looks at my lips and I grin just a tiny bit, and right as he is about to put his lips to mine lips with a kiss,
“Are you going to tell him you love him when you cum Bri? Like you tell me,” I watch his eyes get huge, and feel everything stop, the trick, Brian, everything just stops. I lightly lay my lips on Brian’s then I get up and walk away. But just a couple of steps onto the dance floor I feel someone yank on my arm, pulling me to a stop and twirling me around.
“Fuck you, Justin,” Brian seethes and I can see all the anger and contempt he has for me right now written all over him, good at least he’s feeling something now.
“No thanks I’m good. But I’m pretty sure Rage would love, for you to finish the job,” I say sweetly turning to leave again, and being yanked to a stop again.
“What the fuck are you thinking?” he says through clenched teeth.
“I was simply wondering if you were going to fuck him, like you fuck me?” I say with complete innocence. Which I can see just piss’s him off even more, and the smile I am trying to hide peeks out for a brief second, and I watch as Brian now notices we have an audience hanging on every word we’re saying. So he grabs me by the arm and practically drags me outside. When we get to the Jeep he puts my back to the passenger door, and he quickly turns around putting his back to me.
“What’s a matter Bri? The guys ass to lose for you?” I ask with mock sincerity. He puts his head back looking into the sky I guess. Before he turns and looks at me shaking his head.
“I don’t know what. The. Fuck got into you, but it fucking stops now!” I can see the anger just boiling to the surface now.
“But of course your majesty,” then to top that comment off I slightly bow my head.
“You know what Justin, do whatever the fuck you want,” he’s says raising his hands, “I have never tried to stop you before and I certainly won’t try to stop you now.”
“But of course you would never even contemplate something like that,” he raises an eyebrow. “But then again there are a lot of things you don’t contemplate Brian,”
“Really?” he questions, leaning against the car behind him and folding his arms.
“Really,” I say with a quick nod.
“Well please Mr. Taylor, enlighten me to all the things I don’t contemplate,” he says mockingly.
“Alright. Well how about the fact that you being a total asshole all the time, is really putting a strain on our,... what would you call it... an undefined, unconventional relationship?”
“Yeah you keep telling yourself that,” he says with barely an edge to his voice.
“I don’t have to, you’re constantly reminding me of it.”
“What do you want Justin?” he asks putting his arms out.
“I want you to stop trying to beat it into my head that you don’t love me, just because your afraid of it,” I almost yell. He makes me so mad.
“Well maybe if you got it through your thick skull that I don’t love you,”he seethes walking right up to me, getting right in my face. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to keep beating it into your head,”
“Oh yeah, cause that’s the problem,” I mockingly reply.
“Whatever Justin, I’m done with this conversation,” he turns and walks away.
“That’s right Brian, walk away. It’ what you do when things don’t go your way. When people don’t do what you want,” I yell to his retreating back.
“Believe what you want Sunshine,” he turns around with a slight smile on his face walking backwards. “You always do!” he turns back around and goes into the club.