Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta…you’re the greatest! Author’s Comments: Sorry to make you wait so long for this. This chapter takes place immediately after Chapter 24 of The Return of Divina Devore.
Chapter 3 – Session 7 Saturday Morning… (Day 62) Immediately after breakfast with Carl and Debbie, Lindsay and Melanie headed for their hastily scheduled appointment with Elizabeth. In the two weeks since their last visit to Pittsburgh, they had lived an estranged existence in Toronto. They resided in the same house, and both of them looked after Gus and Jenny, but Melanie was now sleeping in the guest room, leaving Lindsay alone in their bedroom. They were cordial, but distant, in their dealings with each other. Lindsay hoped that this counseling session would help to change the tenor in their household. Melanie, on the other hand, wasn’t sure that she was ready, just yet, to forgive and forget. However, she did agree to attend this counseling session. She had a lot of things on her mind too, and she hoped that discussing them with Lindsay, while Elizabeth was present, would prove to be a safe environment for her to express herself. Both Melanie and Lindsay felt that they had a lot riding on this session. Elizabeth opened the door to her outer office and noticed that Lindsay and Melanie were waiting to see her. From the intense looks on their faces, she knew that things were not well between the women. Of course, she was already forewarned that there was trouble because Lindsay had begged for this session only two weeks after their last session…rather than waiting the usual month interval. Elizabeth took a deep breath and knew that she had her work cut out for her today, but she felt she was ready. “Lindsay…Melanie…why don’t you two come on in,” Elizabeth said, trying to sound cheerful as she invited them into her office. The couple stood up and walked into her office. They took their usual seats. The usual signs of support and affection for each other were absent this time. Elizabeth silently noted the change. “Thanks for seeing us on such short notice,” Lindsay began immediately. Elizabeth immediately noted that things had changed drastically, for Lindsay usually had to be coaxed to speak. Now, here she was, immediately leading things off. Once again, Elizabeth silently made note of the change. Lindsay continued, “I’ve made some terrible mistakes, and I need to know how to set things right. I love Melanie, and I don’t want to lose what we have,” she said. “I see,” Elizabeth said with a nod. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Once again, Lindsay immediately jumped right in. “I made a terrible mistake. I allowed my feelings for Brian to interfere with my relationship with Melanie. I didn’t mean to. I really do have things in perspective. I keep telling Melanie that I’m not Michael. But so much happened two weeks ago that I just don’t think that she hears me anymore.” “Melanie, what do you have to say to that?” Elizabeth asked. “I really don’t have anything to say. For months, Lindsay sat in these sessions and made pronouncements about things she sees….mistakes she’s made…lessons she’s learned…changes that she wants to make. And I believed her. I have since learned that she only means what she says when she’s in here…in this office,” Melanie pointed out. Elizabeth simply nodded to let Melanie know that she was heard. Melanie sighed deeply, trying to collect herself before she continued. “But let Lindsay and me return back into the real world…let Brian be in the room…let him appear to pull away from her in any way, and Lindsay starts to fight with all her might to hold on to him. She wants to have the old Brian back. And once she starts down this path, our life together and our relationship just become unimportant.” Lindsay immediately fired back. “How can you say that? You have to know how much I love you…how much we love each other.” Melanie appeared to ignore Lindsay’s outburst. In her mind this had become a scripted response that no longer had any meaning. Instead, she decided to share her own observations. “Personally, Elizabeth, I feel as though I’ve grown a lot over these last few months. I know that I’ve been less angry. I have to believe that these changes have to do with work we’ve done in our counseling sessions.” “I’ll admit that you’ve worked very hard. I’m glad that you’re able to see some of the results,” Elizabeth said with a gentle smile. Melanie continued, “I’ve seen certain truths and not all of them are pretty. I realize that I still have a lot to work on, and I’m trying to do that. But as far as our relationship is concerned, I can’t help feeling as if we’ve wasted our time and our money sitting in therapy…especially since we seem to be back at square one. And I’m not sure that I really have the energy to begin this process, yet again, from scratch with Lindsay.” “If you truly feel that way, Melanie, why are you here?” Elizabeth asked. “I’m here because Lindsay and I have split apart before and later gotten back together again. We’ve done that so many times that our relationship has a revolving door element to it. That may have been okay when it was just the two of us. But now we have the kids. And they are entitled to a degree of stability in their lives. I’m here because I want to be absolutely sure if we split apart this time…that we are, as you suggested, loving friends with two kids in common. I want to be sure that if we split apart, it truly is the end. That we can, in fact, move on with our lives and find that future relationship that will bring us true happiness,” Melanie revealed. “That’s pretty harsh, Melanie! Why didn’t you say anything?” Lindsay demanded to know. “Maybe, I’ve been with you long enough to know that you like the silence. You like to peacefully co-exist, with unpleasant things remaining unsaid. It’s not the way I usually do things. I decided that the way I usually handle things, trying to get you to talk about everything before you were ready doesn’t get us anywhere either. I didn’t want Gus and Jenny subjected to an angry household. I’ve learned that I can’t control things. I’ve learned that there’s always another option. So when you asked that we return for more counseling sessions, I agreed to give it another try…because I love you and because you asked,” Melanie explained. “But it seems like you’ve already made of up your mind,” Lindsay protested. “I asked for our counseling sessions to continue, so we could work things out. If you’ve already made up your mind that there isn’t anything worth saving…then there really isn’t any hope for us.” “I agreed to come to counseling. I’m here with an open mind. But we don’t come here with a clean slate. I’ll admit that I still have my doubts,” Melanie restated. “How can you doubt how I feel about you? If nothing else that should be clear,” Lindsay protested. “Maybe it’s that you’ve lost all feelings for me?” “No Lindsay, you can’t shift the blame to me this time. I’ll admit that I feel betrayed. But you decided to make your feelings for Brian the primary concern in your life. Oh, you may be in a relationship with me…but he’s clearly your main focus.” “But you know how much Brian needs me? He’s always needed me.” “I used to believe that. I used to believe that it was Brian’s dependency on you that caused all our problems. Certain events have told me a different story. Now, what I know, is how much you need Brian. All these years I’ve been so wrong. I once thought that Brian held on to you like he held onto Michael. Now, what I understand is that he does love you, and you’re one of his closet friends. But he has clearly moved forward into the future…and his future is with Justin…and you’re the one, fighting for a past that you once had with him. Time moved on, and the past can probably never be repeated. You, like Michael, are lost in the long ago fantasy,” Melanie stated clearly but calmly. A silence fell over the office, and Lindsay seemed lost in deep thought. “Lindsay?” Elizabeth gently said to bring her back to the present. She immediately responded. “I’m not like Michael! I’m not! All I wanted was for Justin to have no regrets about his choices…” Melanie quietly interrupted Lindsay train of thought. She had heard this line so often, and she felt it was time to challenge this fantasy…here and now. “You mean like you have? You chose to have this relationship with me. You decided that you wanted to redirect your art career. We decided together to have two kids. You decided that our family was the most important thing. And now you have regrets! What am I missing?” “I don’t have any regrets. You’re right, we made certain decisions together. Those decisions were right when we made them. But now…” Lindsay said sadly. “Now…what?” “I still want to have an art career as a painter. No, it won’t be like Justin’s because I don’t really have his talent. But, I deserve a chance to see how far my own talent can take me,” Lindsay argued. Melanie sighed to herself. “But you did that, Lindsay. You went down that path. You tried to have a career as a painter. You traveled that road and came out on the other end with a decision that it’s not for you. You decided that you wanted to work in an art gallery. What’s changed now to make you want to go back there to painting again?” “Watching Justin…I realize…I realize…that maybe that could still be me,” Lindsay whispered. “What could be you?” Melanie asked quietly but without malice. “Having a career as an artist or being Brian’s partner? Which fantasy now comes to life for you when you look at Justin…when you look at Justin’s life?” Lindsay immediately burst into tears. Elizabeth reached over and handed her a box of tissues. Melanie sat their quietly, realizing that she had cut through all the bullshit and had finally struck a nerve. Elizabeth and Melanie waited in silence, allowing Lindsay the time she needed to regain her composure. Finally Elizabeth broke the silence, “Lindsay, tell us why you’re crying? Tell us what you’re feeling?” “I just never realized that Melanie was so angry. For the last two weeks she has been silent. She has been distant. I realize that I should have forced her to talk. I can’t believe the terrible thoughts that she harbors.” “And which thoughts are those?” Elizabeth asked. “Elizabeth, I am not a fool!” Lindsay quickly said. “I sat back and watched what Justin had to go through these past 6 years to become Brian’s partner. I’m clear that there was no way in hell that I would have had the strength to endure all that. I realize that I could have never survived it. I’m fond of Brian…that’s true…but I clearly realize that our relationship…his and mine…has limits. But I don’t want to lose him as a close friend. He is Gus’s father. But more that, we’ve been through a lot together over the years,” she added. “I can understand that,” Melanie chimed in. “Really, I can. Brian still loves you. That’s probably never going to change. But Brian is clear that his life is with Justin. And both Brian and Justin have made sure that Gus has a place in their lives. So whereas your choice of Brian as Gus’s biological father may have seemed like the worst choice, it’s turned out to be for the best,” Melanie acknowledged. “Our son couldn’t be happier.” “Thank you for at least admitting that,” Lindsay said, once again drying her tears. “But I have to wonder,” Melanie continued. “I have to wonder, when you’ll reach a point that OUR relationship…the one that exists between you and me…is the most important relationship in your life.” “It already is…can’t you see that. That’s why we’re here. You know that I love you. I don’t know what I have to do to make you understand that. I don’t know why you won’t accept that.” “I’ll tell you what I see,” Melanie said calmly. “Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that you’ve accepted and gained a new perspective on your relationship with Brian, as you profess. Then, I have to wonder why your next order of business was not to see what you could do to make our relationship better. Your next choice of where to focus your energies was to chase after a career that you once decided was not in the cards for you. What does that tell you?” “It doesn’t tell me anything. My art is as important to me as the law is to you. You don’t apologize for your ambition. Why should I?” Lindsay argued. “What about Gus and Jenny? When do they become a priority?” Melanie challenged “And what about me?” she added. “You might ask yourself that question! You can’t decide that taking care of Gus and Jenny is my responsibility…while you’re the bread-winner. We don’t have that traditional a marriage. They are both our children. They need us…both of us,” Lindsay reminded her. “And when are you planning on remembering that YOU have two kids? That you can’t go off for a summer or a year to pursue an artist-in-residence program in Paris, leaving those two kids behind. What were you thinking?” Melanie asked. “Then I was thinking that Paris is a wonderful city. Gus and Jenny would have a wonderful summer. You could find a temporary work assignment in Paris. We could be together as a family. Don’t you see?” Lindsay argued. “So, the summer in Paris is your consolation prize for the loss of Brian. This is your way of moving on?” Melanie asked incredulously. Lindsay couldn’t come up with a response to her question. When the silence became deafening, Elizabeth decided it was time for her to step in again.