Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta...you’re the greatest!
I would also like to thank everyone who previewed the chapters for me.
Author's Comments: Okay here is the rest of the it. Enjoy!
Chapter 17 – Listen, There’s More
A Few Moments Later…(Day 61)
“Exactly what am I supposed to listen to?” Michael asked with some hostility in his voice, after being reprimanded by Carl for his behavior.
“You want to know about your father?” Debbie asked. “Do you really want to know about him?”
“Do you know who he is?” Michael quietly asked, now with renewed interest.
“Yes…” Debbie said in a whisper.
“Tell me!” Michael insisted.
Debbie let out a deep sigh and then began, “When I was in high school, I fell in love with this wonderful person with this wicked sense of humor. We dated for a while. You were the result. Then he thought that he might be gay…as it turned out, he was right,” she quietly revealed.
“He was gay…so that’s why you’ve always been so understanding of Lindsay’s feelings for Brian?” Michael said upon reflection.
“What? No…what I understand is that there comes a time when you have to move on…I’m not sure that Lindsay ever has,” Debbie quietly responded.
“Then you must have understood why she chose Brian to be Gus’ father. You always seemed to be so understanding,” Michael pointed out. “You must know what she must be going through. You must know how she feels about Brian,” he rambled. “You must understand why, just like me, she too feels betrayed by this thing that Brian did with Justin.”
“Are you talking about Brian legalized partnership with Justin?” Debbie asked incredulously. She couldn’t believe that this topic came up again in the middle of this discussion that they were having, for she couldn’t see any similarity between her life and the unresolved feelings that Michael and Lindsay have for Brian.
“Of course, you must understand why Lindsay and I feel so betrayed!” Michael pointed out. He felt that with what had been said between them, Debbie now understood how he felt.
“What I know is that you and Lindsay both need to stop trying to hold on Brian! It’s time for both of you to move on with your lives,” Debbie argued in response. “I’m sure Brian would have told you the same thing…if you’d bothered to ask.”
“Okay you two…let’s not lose focus here!” Carl suggested, interrupting what was clearly about to become an argument.
Both Michael and Debbie looked over at Carl. Then they both nodded their agreement. Once again, Michael took up the discussion getting back to the pressing issue of his father.
“So why didn’t you ever go to my father. Was he married?” Michael asked, obviously forgetting what Debbie had just told him moments before.
“No, he wasn’t married. He was gay, Michael.” Debbie said softly. “And shortly after we were together, he left town…”
“What kind of man, gay or straight, leaves a woman when she’s pregnant?” Michael challenged what he was just being told, once again allowing anger to enter his voice.
“A man with a mission…a man with his life all planned. He left town to seek his destiny. He never knew about you. I never had a chance to tell him,” Debbie finally admitted. “Then, he was no longer necessary, for I had constructed the lie of the war hero father for you,” she added. “Life just went on.”
“What do you mean that he was no longer necessary? What about me?” Michael complained again. “He was sure necessary as far as I was concerned!” he continued. Then he took a deep breath. “So you’re telling me that somewhere out in the world is a man, who is really my father! And he’s been out there all this time. You’re telling me that I could have had a father all this time, and you wouldn’t let it happen because of some lie you put together when I was a baby. Over the years, you knew how much I wanted a father. You knew how important it was to me growing up. Yet you never once said a word. How could you do that? How could you let me suffer like that?” he shouted. “How could you do this to me?”
“He was gone, Michael. He was never going to be around,” Debbie reminded him.
“You don’t know that! He might have been. You didn’t even give him a choice! He might not have been a real father like I am to JR, but he might have at least been a drop in dad like Brian is to Gus,” Michael shouted.
Debbie didn’t like the comparison, but she knew that now was not the time to challenge her son’s biased perceptions about parenting. She realized that he was too upset to think straight or to listen to reason.
“I did what I thought was best at the time. I gave you a father that you could be proud of. And in that pride for your father, you found pride in yourself. You already had a mother that is outrageous, so I chose to give you a father that you didn’t have to make excuses for,” Debbie said quietly in her own defense. The tears were now starting to slide down her cheeks.
“And who are you to make that kind of choice for me?” Michael shouted.
“I did what I thought was best!” Debbie argued.
“Best for whom, Mother?” Michael argued.
“I thought….” Debbie began in her own defense.
“Never mind, I think we know the answer to that! So what happened to my father? Is he still alive? Does he know about me?” Michael now demanded to know.
“He didn’t know about you at first. Like I said, by the time I found out I was pregnant, he had already left town. He went in search of his date with destiny,” Debbie revealed.
“And did he find it?” Michael asked quietly.
“He found fame and fortune. He’s had a magnificent career on the stage,” Debbie continued. “He’s….”
Michael mindlessly interrupted, “He’s an internationally known drag queen, isn’t he?”
“What?” she reacted with total shock.
“Divina Devore is my father, isn’t she?”
“What?” Debbie asked.
“Divina Devore is my father, isn’t she?” Michael repeated.
“Yes,” Debbie finally whispered.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Michael asked.
“Funny, your father said those exact same words to me four years ago, when he figured things out about you. He simply asked, Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“So he never knew about me before then?”
“Four years ago, when Divina came to town. Danny took one look at you during your visits with him, and he immediately knew the truth. He said that it was like looking in a mirror many years ago. He recognized immediately that you looked alike,” Debbie revealed. “That was the first time I had seen Danny Devore since high school. It had been 31 years.”
“So that’s why you acted so weird back then,” Michael remembered, “But I asked him point blank if he was my father?”
“And what did he tell you?” she asked.
“He said that when he’s on stage people believe that he’s Divina Devore, not because he’s a great female impersonator, but because they want to believe,” Michael relayed, “I didn’t know what to believe at the time.”
“I see….” Debbie said softly, understanding so clearly what must have happened, and why the subject was so quickly dropped between her and Michael years ago. In his confusion, Michael had just chosen to deny the whole episode ever happened.
Michael continued mindless speaking, “But I’ve had time to think in the last four years. Somewhere along the line, I must have realized that I was half Italian and half drag queen. I said it to Brian and Em, on occasion, over the years. I guess somewhere along the way I must have figured it out,” he calmly revealed.
“Then let me now confirm it for you. Let me finally put your mind to rest. Danny Devore (alias Divina Devore) is your father. I didn’t tell you before because I wanted you to have a father you could be proud of,” Debbie acknowledged.
“I don’t understand you!” Michael challenged. “I’ve spent my entire life among drag queens and trannies. You always taught me that differences didn’t matter. Was this another life lesson that was a lie, Mother? Just like when you told me that if you fall in love with someone who’s HIV positive, it really didn’t matter. At least you told me that until I fell in love with Ben,” he continued to argue. “You were my primary teacher. You taught me everything I know. I can’t believe that it’s all been a lie. All these years…a lie! I could have had a father! I could have had a father…when I really needed one!”
“It’s not too late!” Debbie pleaded.
“What are you talking about?” Michael asked.
“Danny is moving back here to Pittsburgh. Jennifer is trying to help him find a house. He moved back here hoping to build some kind of relationship with you. He’d already made this decision before we even talked last night. He knows that you’re a grown man…not a little child. He just liked you, and he wants to get to know you,” she revealed.
“He had that opportunity four years ago! He could have claimed me THEN as his son, but he didn’t. He left me instead with a lot of questions,” Michael pointed out, once again letting his hostilities flare.
Debbie got quiet for a moment. “He did that for me. Back then, I asked him not to confirm it,” she revealed. “But last night when he came to dinner, we all agreed that it was time that you knew the whole truth,” she added.
“So that’s why I saw him getting into a cab in front of the house, last night?” Michael reflected on what he saw.
“Why now?” Michael asked “Why at this point?”
“It’s time for the truth to come out,” Debbie revealed. “You and your father deserve a chance to get to know each other.”
Carl finally decided that it was time for him to step in. “Yes, I had a chance to get to talk to him, to get to know him. I can honestly say that I liked him. We have a female impersonator in the family….a world famous one at that! But even more, Michael, your father is a very interesting man…even when the Divina persona is removed. I can honestly say that I liked Daniel Devore.”
“So you checked him out, huh, Carl? Once a cop always a cop,” Michael teased. “This is just like the Justice League.
“The who?” Carl asked.
“Never mind.” Michael responded, shaking his head. Then Michael looked right at Debbie. “Mother, how could you lie to me all those years? How could you do it? I thought that I knew you as I knew no one else on earth,” Michael professed. “As it turns out that I never knew you at all!”
Michael finally stood up again and started walking away from the table. He immediately felt the need to put distance between himself and Debbie.
“Michael wait!” Debbie called out.
Michael finally stopped walking and turned to face his mother, without saying a word. He just looked at her. Finally, he could let his anger and disappointment subside long enough to respond.
“Mother, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you’ve done to me,” Michael began. “You’ve robbed me of everything that was important. My life could have been so different,” he added. “I know you thought that what you did was right. Let me tell you now…it wasn’t! You took everything from me! You made my whole life into a lie!”
And with that, Michael started walking for the front door. “I have to go, it’s time to open the store,” he added. “Thank you again, Carl, for the use of your pajamas.”
“Anytime,” Carl responded with a smile.
“Goodbye!” Michael said, as he was going out of the door, slamming the door shut behind him in anger.
When Michael left, Carl wrapped Debbie in his arms. At that moment Debbie accepted that she and Michael may never be close again. She had been wrestling with this knowledge for several days now, and finally the truth had now been revealed.
Debbie started to cry with the 36 years of pain she had hidden for so long. There were so many emotions for her to deal with all coming at the same time.
From Debbie’s perspective, Michael had a chance a different life then the one he’d been living. Debbie also decided to give herself some time to grieve the loss of her son. She knew that she had to just keep busy and get through life…one day at a time.
Carl tried to imagine what Debbie was going through, but at this moment. He was clearly there for her, but he understood that he could do nothing to help…except hold her while she cried.