Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta...you’re the greatest!
Author's Comments: This story is ending....there is this chapter + one more which I will try to post tomorrow. Thanks for reading with me.
Chapter 75 – Swirling Waters
Later Sunday Evening…(Day 49)
The exterior lights were on so the house was illuminated as the SUV parked in its usual spot.
Brian and Justin waived to Thomas as they exited the car. With their arms around each other’s waist, the couple quickly entered Bri-tin.
“May I suggest a dip in the hot tub?” Justin suggested with a knowing smile as they walked into the house.
“I must admit…I like the way you think,” Brian quipped. “A most excellent suggestion,” he added, gently nudging Justin along in the direction of the steps.
“You seem to be in a bit of hurry,” Justin teased, sliding an arm around Brian’s waist.
Brian simply wrinkled his eyebrows and said, “Let’s just say that I have plans for you…afterwards.”
“Let’s move along…” Justin eagerly suggested, and Brian just smiled.
***
Brian stepped into the swirling waters of the hot tub and began to savor the warmth for just a minute. “This feels really good,” he whispered.
“Hey, wait for me,” Justin protested.
Brian shook his head and sighed with mock exasperation. Then he smiled as he stood up again, and this time extended his hand to help Justin join him in the swirling waters.
“That’s better,” Justin reminded him.
“Such a bossy bottom,” Brian teased, getting a swipe from his partner in the process.
Brian made himself comfortable once again, and Justin took his usual position, spooned against Brian’s chest. The pair simply started to relax and enjoy themselves.
“This has to be one of your better ideas,” Brian commented. “And to think we wasted all those years showering together when we could have been doing this.”
“Showers maybe more efficient…for getting clean…for fucking…”
“But let’s face it, the hot tub definitely has its place.”
“Especially when we need to talk.”
“So that’s why you lured me here. You just wanted to lull me into a false sense of relaxation, so you could force me to talk. And here I thought you planned to have your way with me.”
Justin leaned backward to give Brian and kiss. “Well, there is that too,” he added with a smile.
Brian couldn’t resist smiling too, as he laced his fingers with Justin’s under the water.
They were both silent for a moment.
Then Justin quietly asked, “Are you ok?”
“As I told Paul and Jason, I’m fabulous. Didn’t you hear me?”
“I heard you. I’m also on to you, so do you want to talk about it?” Justin patiently asked again.
“Not particularly.”
“Ok,” Justin said easily.
“And you’re just going to let it drop?”
“Ah huh,” Justin answered, snuggling closer to Brian’s chest.
Brian wrapped his arms a little tighter around Justin.
“I mean, who would have thought that Michael still harbored all this shit,” Brian began without further coaxing. “And Lindsay…who knew that she still had her own agenda. When did my life require all this handling by my friends?”
“Brian, you’ve always taken care of everyone. You’ve been doing it for so long that now everyone just expects it. And as for you and Michael…well.”
“Michael…I thought that he had put all this nonsense behind him ages ago. I thought that he understood that he and I would never be a couple. How could he believe that we would grow old together…as a couple? What about the word NEVER doesn’t he understand?”
“But this is Michael we’re talking about…for him, never doesn’t mean…not ever…it only means…not now.”
“I can’t believe that he was still holding to the dream that we would be ‘two old queens in Palm Springs’…” Brian said, showing his frustration.
“Come on, Brian, you have to admit that growing old with Brian Kinney is a very tempting prospect…I know that I’m personally looking forward to it.”
Brian smiled. “Especially since I’d always proclaimed that I never planned on growing old in the first place…although I have to admit, I rather like the idea of growing old with you too,” he teased.
“Why thank you!” Justin responded with a grin, gently nudging his partner with his shoulder.
“Of course,” Brian pondered for a moment, “You have to promise to at least age a little.”
“Meaning…that I’m younger?”
“Precisely.”
They both had to laugh at this point.
Then Justin started to think for a moment. Then he said, “But Brian…you do understand that this is about more than some promise that Michael believes has been broken…surely you see that?”
“Michael understands that Ben is going to die. I think the last time Ben was in the hospital brought it all home to him…that his time with Ben is limited,” Brian agreed.
“But life is finite for everyone…no one knows how long anyone will live. That’s why one has to live life to the fullest.”
“If you’re Michael and live in a world of comics, real life has got to be scary some times. And I’m sure that no matter how much he loves Ben, he’s got to be scared shitless. I think that he built up some fantasy about me as a way to cope…to try to avoid dealing with his present reality. I don’t think it’s real.”
“Yes, but if you tell yourself the lie often enough, you eventually start to accept the lie as the truth. They say that the mind can’t distinguish between truth and a lie after a while.”
“Maybe…” Brian said, pondering that thought for a while.
Then he quickly moved on. “The Munchers were the other surprise. I can’t believe that Lindsay is back to the ‘Justin needs to be in New York for his career’ rhetoric again.”
“Why didn’t you just agree with her and tell everyone about…our move to New York?”
“I still don’t want anyone to know about that just yet. I figure that we’ll tell them when it’s all done. That way I don’t have to waste valuable time arguing with everyone.”
“You know they’re all going to be pissed when they find out?” Justin warned him.
“So we’ll put off telling them as long as possible. That way, by the time they find out about it…it will be a done deal. But you know with Lindsay, this isn’t just about your career.”
“Oh?”
“Besides,” Brian continued, “Michael and Lindsay seem to have the same problem.”
“How so?”
“Neither one of them think that we should be together. I saw something today that I never understood before,” Brian said pensively.
Justin paused and waited, giving Brian time to continue.
When Brian didn’t say anything, Justin nudged him gently. “Tell me,” he finally said gently.
Brian hesitated a moment. And in that moment, he wrapped his arm more tightly around Justin, snuggling in closer for comfort.
Justin leaned back and gently kissed Brian. After another moment, Brian began to speak softly.
“Neither Michael nor Lindsay can see me as a real person…a living, breathing person made of flesh and blood. All they see…all they both want to see… is some fantasy creature,” he finally admitted.
“Oh, I don’t know about that…”
“It’s true, Sunshine. They each want something from me. I seem to provide something that they think they’re missing. But, I’m not real to either of them. They don’t want me to have a life. I’m simply the Stud of Liberty Avenue.”
“But you haven’t been that for quite some time.”
“I know that,” Brian confirmed, “But they want me to go back to that. That image of me is so comfortable for them…because they sure the fuck have no clue how to deal with person that I am today. Neither of them can afford to admit to themselves that I’ve changed…because if I’ve changed…what does that mean for them. As long as I stayed the same, they had this reference point in their lives. And as they went ahead and made lives for themselves, they could look back at me with smugness and feel superior. But if I’ve changed…who will they feel superior to…and who will they blame for the things that go wrong in their lives.”
“Are you sure?”
“Think about it. I bet they look at their imitation hetero lives and compare it to ours and wonder…they start to question…they start to ask…what if.”
“Oh….”
“I knew that legalizing things with you was going to cause a little rumble…”
“But not like this?”
“No, not like this. I never once suspected that my two best friends NEVER wanted me to be happy. I never knew that their friendship was conditional,” Brian said with a touch of sadness. He paused for a moment and then he continued, “Do you remember back when you first came to live with me? You were staying at the loft, and I tried to take you back home to your parents. Do you remember?”
Beginning of flashback.
“Justin, do you have anything that you’d like to say?” Jennifer asked with Craig sitting beside her.
She paused to allow time for Justin to answer. When he didn’t respond but merely sat there with his head lowered, she continued.
“Well, I’ll speak for your father and me. We want you to come home. It’s where you belong. And I think that Brian would agree,” she added.
Craig interrupted her, “What difference does it make what Brian….”
Jennifer fired back at her husband, “Excuse me, I’m speaking…kindly let me finish.”
Then she returned her attention to her son, “Justin…”
When Justin didn’t respond, Brian stepped in. “Look at your Mom, Justin,” he insisted
Justin turned to face his mother.
“You’re staying here,” she insisted softly.
“Only if dad says he’s sorry to Brian,” Justin demanded.
“Justin he’s the one, who should be apologizing to you…making you think that he loved you,” Craig responded.
“He never said that he loved me,” Justin challenged. “He said it was just a fuck…that’s all it should be. I’m all right with that.”
“Justin, I think you should go to you room,” Jennifer quietly suggested.
Justin started to move as if leaving the room.
But Craig wasn’t finished. “Justin…”
“Craig…” Jennifer said, trying to stop Craig from continuing.
“No, I’m going to say this. Justin, If you’re going to live in this house, you’re not to go to gay bars…or talk about your disgusting life style…and you are never ever to see him again,” he added, pointing to Brian.
“So what you’ve saying is that in order for Justin to live here, he has to deny who he is…what he thinks…and what he feels,” Brian said calmly. Then he continued, “That’s not love…that’s hate.”
“Get out of my house,” Craig ordered.
Brian stood up to walk out, as he was leaving he said, “Justin…you coming?”
Justin said nothing, but immediately followed Brian out of his parent’s home.
End of flashback.
“Yes, I remember…” Justin said quietly.
“I wouldn’t let them do it you…and I can’t let anyone do it to me either.”
“But Brian, give Michael and Lindsay some time. They will eventually come around…you know that.”
“It doesn’t matter, Sunshine,” Brian almost whispered as he leaned forward to give Justin a gentle kiss. “This is who I am…”
After a moment, Brian continued again. “Listen, I want you to go back to New York. I want you as far away as possible from the stuff going on here.”
“But…”
“No buts…for once, don’t argue with me, Justin!”
“Brian…”
“You have a very important painting to finish. I won’t have people upsetting your plans. I want you in New York.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I have a few things to finish up here at the office. Then I’ll meet you in New York on Tuesday.”
“But I don’t want to be there without you…”
“I don’t want to be here without you either…but I have to give you a chance to paint in peace. This submission to Milan is too important for you to miss the deadline. At least if you’re in New York, there can’t be any distractions.”
“But…”
“Justin…”
“Brian, I’ll leave when you leave. I can paint here at the house. You know that Thomas will make sure that I’m not disturbed. It’s better if I just stay here.”
“Are you sure?”
Justin simply nodded yes.
“Okay, I know that I’m going to have to work late at the office to get everything finished for the campaign. I guess we could both probably leave together late tomorrow night…since it’s obvious that you’re not going to give in on this.”
“I’m glad you see that…” Justin said with a smile, gently nudging Brian for emphasis.
“I don’t know why I thought you would be cooperative…just his once,” Brian smirked.
“I don’t know either…”
“I take it that you’re probably going to always be this much trouble, aren’t you?”
“Probably…I see no reason to change…”
Brian let out a deep sigh. Then he paused. “Me neither,” he said with a smile.
“I love you,” Justin whispered, as he leaned back to give Brian a gentle kiss.
“Me too,” Brian responded softly.
“Well, I guess our time in the hot tub has ended,” Justin finally announced.
“Don’t tell me you’re starting to wrinkle?”
“Afraid so…”
Brian and Justin helped each other out of the hot tub and reached for the warm towels to remove the excess water from one another. Then they wrapped themselves in heated robes and flopped down on their bed together.
“I guess it’s good that we’re out of there,” Brian finally said as he pulled Justin into his arms.
“Oh?”
“Yes, I still have plans…”
“You do?” Justin asked eagerly.
“Absolutely,” Brian said, as he rolled over on top of Justin and kissed him.
And in that kiss, they passionately surrendered to each other.