Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta...you’re the greatest!
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Chapter 64 – It All Plays Out (Sidebar)
A little later, Saturday evening…(Day 48)


Michael was about to leave when Debbie walked in.

“Michael!” she exclaimed, finding her son visiting.  “What are you doing here?  Where’s Ben?” she asked.

“Ben’s at home.  I only came over to say goodnight to my little Honeybunch.  Then I’m on my way home too.”

“I expect to see you and Ben and Hunter here tomorrow for dinner!” Debbie reminded him. “There’s going to be a real crowd here.”

“I’ll be there.  I don’t know about Ben.  We have a lot of talking to do,” Michael explained sadly.

“What the fuck could you and Ben have to talk about?” Debbie innocently demanded to know.

“We’re still talking about Brian and me,” Michael continued to say with sadness.

“Why are you and Ben still talking about Brian?  Brian and Sunshine were happy the last time I saw them.  They have waited a long time to be together.  So what’s the problem?”  Debbie asked, almost without thinking.

“I’m still trying to get Ben to understand how I feel about what Brian did to me.  Right now, he’s pretty upset with me.  I need to get home and try to fix things with him,” Michael explained.

“What’s there to fix?” Debbie squeaked with an elevated voice.  “Brian and Sunshine made a decision that has nothing, what-so-ever, to do with you.  You can’t still be complaining about this?  It’s done.  It’s over.  There’s no turning back!  You need to get over this,” she demanded.

“I see that I can’t talk to you about this,” Michael protested.

“What’s to talk about?” she asked incredulously.

“You don’t know what it’s like to have your dreams of a lifetime go up in smoke.  I had hopes and dreams.  I just don’t know what to do now?  I guess it’s going to take me some time to adjust.  I would think, as my mother, you would be on my side.  This is all Brian’s fault,” Michael insisted.

“You listen to me, you little shit!  Everyone has listened to you cry and complain all day.  It’s time to put an end to this.  It’s time for you pick your face up off the floor and deal with this.  It’s time for you to go home to your husband and get on with your life,” Debbie instructed in that mother-tone, indicating this was more than a suggestion.

“I’m suffering here, Ma, and I would have expected a little more understanding from you,” Michael said with disappointment.

“Well this time, you little shit, you can’t have it!  Enough of this!  You go home and make things work with Ben, do you hear me?” Debbie instructed, shaking her finger at her son for added emphasis.

“That IS what I’m trying to do,” Michael reassured her.

“Just remember what I said,” Lindsay added as a reminder once she came into the room in her robe and slippers.

“I’ll remember,” Michael said quietly. “Look, I have to go; Ben is waiting for me.”  Michael leaned over to kiss Debbie goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ma,” he finally said sadly, as he was leaving. “Lindsay, thanks for talking to me.”

Michael walked away from Debbie’s feeling almost as bad as when he had arrived.  He couldn’t understand why no one could see that Brian had killed his dreams of a lifetime, and no one seemed to understand how he was feeling.  After all these years, Justin had gotten everything that Michael believed was his…by right for the time invested with Brian.  Everything was over now.  Brian truly belonged to Justin, and that knowledge, hurt like hell.

Michael thought about these things as he walked the short distance from Debbie’s back to his house.  

For Michael, the whole day played out in his mind.  The day had started out so perfect…before Brian ruined everything by announcing that he and Justin had legalized their relationship.  Michael shook his head as he walked, hoping to dispel the image of Brian’s announcement earlier today.

‘I can’t think about that now…I have to go home and make things right with Ben,’ Michael said to himself, with a new determination, as he hastened his steps toward home.

***
A few moments later, Michael finally arrived home.  

“Ben!” he called out as he entered his house.

“I’m right here, Michael,” Ben responded quietly from the kitchen. “Did you tuck in J.R?”

“My little honeybunch is as cute as ever,” Michael responded wistfully.

“Well, that’s good,” Ben added flatly, as he started to make his way out of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Michael asked, starting to follow him.

“I thought I might work on some lecture notes.”

“Could you postpone that?  I was hoping that we could talk,” Michael said hopefully.  He waited patiently for Ben’s answer.

“What do you want to talk about, Michael?” Ben innocently asked.

“I want to continue our talk from earlier.  When I left to go see J. R, you said we could continue this talk later.”

“I’m not sure, we have anything left to talk about, Michael,” Ben answered resolutely.

“Of course we have things to talk about, we need to talk about Brian and me.”

“Oh, I think that you have been abundantly clear on that subject.  Brian was your contingency plan.  You figured if anything happened to me, then you and Brian would ride off into the sunset of Palm Springs together.  I get the picture.  It’s really crystal clear, now that I think about it,” Ben said, with staccato pacing to his voice.

“It was just a fantasy, Ben, surely you know that?  It was just something left over from our teenage years.  My life is with you.  I love you, Ben.  You have to know that,” Michael demanded.

“I do know that you love me, Michael.  Since the beginning of our relationship, you have had to fight for us.  And I know living with the me being positive is not an easy thing.”

“No it’s not, but I love you, and I want to be with you.  Brian is just that--a fantasy.”

“I used to believe that.  It would even have been ok, if you had simply told me your fantasy about growing old with Brian.  Like I said, we do what we have to do, to get through the day.”

“I’m glad that you finally understand.”

“But Michael, you didn’t just tell me.  You wanted Brian to leave Justin so that your fantasy could be fulfilled.  You argued with Brian, just so that you could try to keep your fantasy intact.  You couldn’t even wish your best friend every happiness…from what I heard earlier…you still can’t,” Ben reminded him.

“I just need some time to adjust to the news.  You have to admit it’s a big shock.  Brian did all those things that he swore he would never do.  That’s not Brian!” Michael affirmed, shaking his head.

“Michael, Brian has changed.   The fact that he did all those things should confirm for you the existence of a very different Brian than the one you knew in your childhood.”

“I just need some time,” Michael said quietly.

“Michael, now that Brian has made this commitment to Justin, what are you going to use to get through each day with me?  What’s going to be your new contingency plan?” Ben patiently asked.

“I don’t know.” 

“When you figure it out, you let me know,” Ben said quietly.

“I will,” Michael said confidently.

Michael walked over and wrapped his arms around Ben.  He was confident that things were going to be ok.  Michael snuggled into Ben’s chest, but he didn’t feel a pair of loving arms wrap around him.

“Ben, what’s wrong?” Michael asked.

“I can’t do this, Michael.”

“What do you mean that you can’t do this?” Michael demanded to know.  Deep down he didn’t really want to hear the answer.

“Like you said, this is going to take some time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to give you all the time you need to work through this,” Ben said quietly.

“I know that…you want me to be happy,” Michael said confidently.

“That’s true, Michael,” Ben said with a sad sigh.

“I know that,” Michael reminded him softly.

“And I want to be happy too,” Ben declared.  “My life might be short; I may have to admit that.  And this disease is hard on everyone.  I have to remember that, but I want more in my life than someone, who is just waiting for me to die so he can live out a childhood fantasy.  I want to be with someone who wants to spend his life with me…for however long that may be.  And from what I have witnessed today, I realize for the first time in my life that you aren’t that person.  We want different things, and that’s ok.  We don’t have to stay together,” Ben said calmly.

“How can you say that, when you know how much I love you?” Michael began to protest.

“Yes, I do know that you love me.  That’s what makes this all so sad.  But how are you going to love me, when my living is interfering with your life’s fantasy?  How are you going to go on with me…when this is all there is?” Ben says, spreading his arms apart for emphasis.

“I do love Brian, and I admit that I have since we were 14.  But Ben, just like Brian wants a life with Justin, I know that I want a life with you.   I know that it was stupid of me to hold on to the fantasy, but I promise you it was just that…a fantasy.  I can live with the idea of losing Brian to Justin…but I can’t live with the idea of losing you.”

“Do you really mean that Michael?”

“Of course, I mean that!   You and Hunter and JR are the most important people to me.  I know that I’ve been stupid about things, but I don’t want to lose you.  I want a life with you…just like we’ve always talked about.  You make me happy.  You understand me.  I’m just having a momentary reaction to my best friend, making a life decision that he said he would never make. That’s all.  It’s going to take some time to get used to this.  It’s also going to take some time to get used to the new Brian.”

“Well that’s good to hear.  So I take it, you will be congratulating Brian and Justin during dinner tomorrow at your mother’s…is that correct?” Ben asked questioningly.

“I can’t believe that you want me to congratulate Brian and Justin.  Especially, when you know what I know,” Michael reiterated.

“What is it that you know, Michael?” Ben demanded to know. 

“I know that Justin is just going to leave Brian,” Michael revealed.

“Michael, first of all, Justin is exactly where he wants to be.  In fact, he is precisely where he has fought to be for all the years he’s been with Brian.  And Brian was stupid enough to let Justin walk away from him once…but I can tell you this legal action he took was probably to bind Justin to him so tightly that Justin would never be able to walk away from him again. And if I know Brian, he will always go after Justin…wherever he may be.”

“You know, Lindsay said the same thing.  When I told her that I was still going to keep an eye on Justin to make sure that he doesn’t hurt Brian.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that if Justin hurts Brian, Brian would always forgive him.  And if Justin ever left, then Brian would bring him back.  Lindsay said that all this is true because Justin owns Brian’s heart.  When she said it, I didn’t understand.  Now I understand why growing old no longer bothers Brian.  In his mind, Brian now sees the prospect of growing old with Justin as something to look forward to.”

“Now you’re starting to get the picture,” Ben said patiently.

“I want to grow old with you, Ben.  I honestly do.  But if that’s not possible, I want to spend as much time with you as possible.  That IS how you feel when you love someone.  That IS what you said, when you asked me to marry you.”

“But can you go on loving me, with no guarantees about how long?  Can you go on loving me, without your future beyond me being assured?”

“It’s like you said, I have family and friends who love me and will be there for me if anything should happen to you.  Brian and Justin will always be there for me, after all Brian is still my best fiend.”

“And he still loves you.”

“I know that.”

“But Michael, be very careful how you deal with Brian.  Don’t test Brian or put him in a position to have to choose between you and Justin.  I would also caution you in your dealings with Brian to remember that no matter what you think of Justin…he is who Brian chose to be his life partner.”

“I know…although, for the life of me, I can’t figure out what he see in the blond twink.”

“I realize that,” Ben said with a laugh, “You and Hunter have a lot in common when it comes to that.”

“Maybe, you’re right,” Michael said with a slight laugh, allowing himself to breathe for the first time.

“So are you planning to congratulate Brian and Justin tomorrow…and mean it?  Are you ready to think about how happy your best friend and your business partner must be at this moment?”

Michael thought about it for a while.  Somehow he managed to quiet the voices of opposition within himself to realize that Ben was considering giving him another chance, and he didn’t want to blow this.  

Michael somehow reached deep down inside himself and found enough strength to agree that maybe he’d had enough time to adjust to the reality of Brian and Justin as a legal couple.  And then, Michael agreed to sincerely wish Brian and Justin well at dinner tomorrow.

And with that, Ben opened his arms to Michael.