Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest!
Chapter 17 – I Want Answers A Few Moments Later…(Day 40) It was late morning as Jason, Paul, and Brian piled into the car. “Ok, does anybody have any idea what we’re suppose to be doing?” Paul asked, as they were driving off. “You two are supposed to be bonding and buying games for the party. I have no idea why Brian made me tag along. As usual, I’m just an innocent bystander, who was roughly pulled into his web of intrigue,” Jason protested from his perch in the front seat. “Give it a rest, Jason, just so you’ll know…if I was in as much trouble as you’re in right now, I would have a distinctive change in attitude,” Brian told him, turning sideways on the back seat of the SUV to make himself more comfortable. “Me…trouble…what did I do?” Jason protested. “I didn’t do anything!” “And therein lies the first problem,” Brian declared. “You’re going to have to be more specific than that, Brian,” Paul interrupted, “Because as far as I can tell, I didn’t do anything either.” “And therein lies the second problem,” Brian added. There was a moment of hushed silence in the car, as Paul and Jason looked at each other. “What the fuck is going on?” Brian asked, harshly breaking the silence. “What do you mean?” Paul tried to innocently ask, reaching for Jason’s hand across the front seat for support. For though he might not know why, one thing was abundantly clear…Brian Kinney was clearly pissed. “You can cut the bullshit, Paul! I want answers, and I want them now! It’s one thing to ask Justin to come out and help with decorations. It’s another thing to abdicate completely the planning of Nicky’s fourth birthday party!” “Brian, we didn’t do that!” Jason protested. “We…” Brian didn’t give him a chance to finish his thought. “Don’t bullshit me, Jason? Look again!” “Maybe we…” Paul began, but he too was interrupted. “Maybe? Did I hear you say, maybe? Paul, that’s bullshit too, and you know it!” Brian said harshly and then paused for a breath. “What do you want us to say?” Paul asked quietly. “Well, maybe this isn’t the best discussion for a moving car, especially when you’re the one driving. So I guess you should pull over, and then, I can get out and have a cigarette.” Brian demanded. Paul complied since they were near the park, and there were assorted benches nearby. Jason was already wondering if Brian had orchestrated his tirade to coincide with the perfect location. Then he realized that even Brian couldn’t be that much of a control freak. In spite of his current predicament, he couldn’t help smiling at the random thought, and he couldn’t keep himself from wondering about Brian. “I don’t get it,” Brian began, once he was facing the couple across the picnic benches. “ You two are the best in the business…second only to Kinnetik in this respect. What’s going on here? Paul, you can create spectacular advertising campaigns and glittering events for clients. I know. I’ve seen them. And Jason, the graphics and artwork you create are spectacular. So tell me why the fuck a simple birthday party for a four year old is giving the two so much trouble?” “Brian, we…” Paul tried to answer. “Tell me why you pulled my partner away from an impossible painting schedule…that you were completely aware of…to beg him to fly out here…days early… to do something that the two of you were perfectly capable of doing…alone…without him?” “Brian, we…” Jason tried to answer. “And tell me why, once Justin got here, you have allowed him to handle everything with regard to the party planning, so that now everyone is depending on him for everything?” “Brian, we…”Jason tried again to answer. “Tell me why my partner is being subjected to that kind of pressure, and why the two of you get to sit back and tease and criticize him?” “Brian, we…” Paul tried to speak. “So the two of you exactly five seconds to start talking, or I promise you that Justin, Gus, and I will be on the next plane out of here,” Brian calmly stated, and then he coldly started to count, “Five…four…” “Wait, Brian…” Jason protested. “You said something?” Brian asked, raising one eyebrow. “Brian, look we have given him a hard time ever since he arrived, but if Justin had not arrived and taken over like he did, I’m not sure that Nicky would be having a party anywhere near as amazing as the one he is going to have.” “I already know that,” Brian admitted, “Tell me something that I don’t know? Five…four…” “Brian, will you shut the fuck up!” Paul demanded. “I so hate it when you’re like this! And you get like this, whenever Justin isn’t around.” “And therein lies the third problem. Because if you two had done what you needed to do, Justin would be sitting here enjoying the morning with us…if you get my drift, instead of working on party stuff back at the house! Five…four…” “Ok, we’ll tell you!” Jason shouted. “Can I have a cigarette?” he quietly asked. “When did you start smoking?” Brian asked, handing him the pack of cigarettes and the lighter. “Since I have to start talking to you,” Jason quipped. Brian smiled. “I’m listening.” Jason managed to get the cigarette lit through trembling hands, and he took a drag. “You know that we love Nicky, and he is truly the light of both of our lives. He is a great kid, and we know that we are lucky to have him. But something about this time of year, a certain quietness sets in too…about Alex. It was really hard when everything happened. And it has gotten easier to handle with each passing year, but it just doesn’t seem to completely go away.” “I know that,” Brian almost whispered. “We are beyond the tears, and we are beyond the sadness. This is a year that even the quietness was a problem. This year, for some reason, we couldn’t get over the quietness to plan the party. This year we were frozen in our tracks until Justin arrived. Once he was here, he was so over the top with ideas for the party that he just pulled us along for the ride, and we just pitched in and followed his lead. But we really needed him to drive the process,” Jason continued. “You’re going to have to do better than that,” Brian pointed out calmly. “We love Nicky and we’re crazy about him. We realize that we’re so lucky to have him, but there still seems to be this quietness in our heart,” Paul added, reaching for the pack of cigarettes and lighting one for himself. “Be careful, don’t let your ‘quietness’ drown out Nicky,” Brian simply said. “What? How can you say that?” Paul challenged. “Isn’t that what you’ve doing. You crawl into that quiet space, and you think Nicky doesn’t notice because he’s just a little boy? Don’t you think Nicky is asking himself in his little kid subconscious: ‘Why are my parents, who are pretty happy the rest of the year always quiet around my birthday?’ He starts to think: ‘Maybe my parents didn’t really want me after all?’ And he starts to wonder,” Brian suggested. “What?” They asked in unison to Brian’s outrageous statements. “Or once he fully understands the concept of Alex’s death, the conversation between Nicky and his subconscious changes to ask the questions: ‘Why aren’t I good enough?’ ‘I’m here…why aren’t I enough?’ Don’t you think Nicky isn’t going to ask himself someday: ‘Why didn’t Alex live, and I be the one to die…so then maybe my parents wouldn’t be sad…wouldn’t be quiet.’ Think about it?” Brian continued. “Those are terrible things to suggest, Brian. How can you say such things? You know that we love Nicky,” Jason challenged. “This isn’t about loving Nicky. This is about the unspoken conversation you have with your son. I know about birthdays and these unspoken conversations. I lived through them with my own parents. I almost lost Justin because of it. I don’t want to see you make my mistakes. Besides, Justin takes up the slack with me…you can’t ask him to take up the slack for you two assholes too.” “You do have a tendency to make sense,” Paul suggested. “No shit! Brian agreed. Some of the tension between the friends was relieved. Brian pivoted sideways on the picnic bench to stretch his legs and make himself more comfortable. Paul and Jason knew at that moment that this discussion was a long way from being over. “So…are you going to tell me what’s going on here, that so drastically changed things this year?” Brian asked, returning to his original question. “A few weeks ago, Nicky started with asking for a little brother or sister,” Paul said quietly. “What?” Brian responded. “And I guess we started thinking again that if Alex had lived, this would be a moot question. I know it must get lonely for him at times being an only child. I know how he feels. He has lots of playmates and friends, but still I watch him sometimes, and he just seems so alone. And then I guess the loss of Alex came up for us all over again,” Jason explained sadly. “Quite of few of Nicky’s friends are twins so he’s much more aware now that he’s getting older, and the questions are really starting,” Paul added. “Although he only asked a few weeks ago, Nicky was making it clear that his approaching birthday was the perfect time to have said brother or sister delivered as a birthday gift,” Jason wanted to add so that Brian could understand their dilemma. “So where does he think babies brother and sisters come from?” Brian couldn’t resist interrupting with a laugh, “Or shouldn’t I ask?” “Nicky’s at the age where other kids make up bizarre stories about where babies come from,” Jason pointed out. “Sometime after the renovation Nicky must have heard a story about babies being delivered by special trucks, and it must have resonated with him,” Paul tried to explain. “Trucks!” Brian began laughing hysterically, “What happened to the pumpkin patch or the stork?” he asked, “Don’t kids know anything about the classics?” “Those must be too last century?” Paul informed him. “Now you sound like Mikey,” Brian laughed. “When he and Justin talk about superheroes and villains.” “It must be true about where babies come from too,” Jason added with a smile, realizing only Brian would look for the classical touch in this situation. “And when this all started Nicky pointed out that he wanted us to be sure that all the trucks in the universe were in perfect working order and were given the proper instructions so that his brother or sister could be delivered …without getting lost or misdirected. He wanted no more mishaps like what occurred with Alex to happen again. He, Nicky, was here this time to make sure everything went perfectly. And he wanted his brother or sister delivered to right address. No more of this misdirected to heaven stuff,” Paul explained. Brian burst out laughing. “Oh, you think this is funny?. Try talking about the bird and the bees to a three year old. And let me tell you that our parents are no help on this one. It’s a very different talk when you happen to be gay or lesbian parents.” “Serves you right,” Brian said, before laughing again. “I don’t know why, you’re laughing,” Jason said quietly, “Just wait until you and Justin have kids, and then see how funny it is.” “We’re already past that point with Gus. Lindsay and Melanie handled everything,” Brian said seriously. “I’m not talking about Gus,” Jason continued. “I mean when you and Justin have a family of your own.” “Jason, that cigarette must have damaged your brain cells. Where did you get an idea like that?” “Oh come on, Brian! You only have to watch Justin with Gus and Nicky to see how much he loves kids, and how much they love him,” Jason started. “That’s true, and fortunately my partner and our kids adore each other. What’s your point? Or maybe that’s a conversation for another time, when you’re not in so much trouble?” Brian scowled. Jason heeded Brian’s caution and returned to the subject at hand. “Nicky’s questions, made us think about Alex again. He just brought up everything…all our feelings…closer to the surface again. This time it was just coincidental that it was near his approaching birthday. Jason and I have had try to deal with Nicky while we to examine the issue of whether or not we wanted another child. At the time we were so overwhelmed that our only hope was to keep things together until you and Justin got here. You do realize, that this isn’t something we can discuss with the family…at least not yet?” Jason explained. “Yeah, they would be all over you on this one. Ok, but you should have mentioned this to Justin and me before we got here. Surely you realize that?” Brian agreed. “And you know I wouldn’t disrupt Justin’s painting schedule with all the shows coming up unless it was important. We were scared, desperate, and at wits end,” Paul added. “I guess I can see that…but now you’re going to have to explain things to Justin,” Brian told them. “What?” Paul couldn’t believe his ears. “I don’t see where you have any choice. I know that he’s probably ready to kill Jason. I’m sure because he’s mentioned it several times. Your fate Paul may be equally uncertain,” Brian said with great pleasure. “So as I see it explaining things to Justin may be your only chance for continued survival.” “We thought you would help us out here,” Jason pleaded. “We’ll have to see how I feel after I see about these tasks that Justin has assigned for us to do.” Brian was totally noncommittal. “We need to get a Latte so we can map out our strategy,” Brian suggested. “You’re buying, I presume!” They got back into the car, and Paul resumed driving again. He and Jason just looked at each other. Brian was just as unbelievable as ever and just as impossible to deal with. They shook their heads at one another, and then smiled. Everything would eventually be ok. “Jason, what notes did you and Justin generate in your sketchpad that would help us out here?” Paul finally asked, getting things back on track. “Because whatever Justin wanted done, that he assigned to Brian and me, had to be fairly simple. And I do realize that we had better not blow it, or we’ll never hear the end it.” “Justin is already complaining about how we’ve stunted Nicky’s growth artistically. If you don’t make a proper games selection, he will probably start to worry about Nicky’s over all childhood development,” Jason pointed out with a decided laugh. “Oh yeah, Starbucks sounds like a great idea. They pulled into Starbucks, placed their orders, and settled in at one of the tables to try to figure out what to do next. “Justin had this idea that you two would have a bonding experience while you were shopping for the games for the kids to play at the party. I know the actual assignment was to pick up a few vintage games, but I think the kids can play Musical Chairs or Simon Says. Neither of these will require that you to buy anything. You can pick up Twister maybe or if you want to, you can add a Ring Toss or A Bean Bag Toss …then I think that your work will be done,” Jason suggested. Then he laughed, “I really don’t think that Justin thought that all three of us together were necessary to handle this task either,” he teased. “You can’t be too careful,” Brian quipped as he and Paul were taking notes. “Ok, so it looks like we have the games covered. Now what else do we need to do?” Paul asked. “Justin and I were talking this morning, and he’s worried about the pictures. I told him, Paul, that you and I would take care of them. “We have the pictures covered,” Jason said with a smile. “That’s a relief. Because as I understand it, Spyder gave Justin his drawings, and in exchange, I guess, Justin promised to take lots of pictures for him. We’re going to New York when we leave here, so I was hoping we could at least send the digital images ahead or take them with us when we leave.” “I heard Justin on the phone when he was making those promises to Spyder,” Jason mumbled, “They seemed awfully cozy. I didn’t know what to think. So you know about Spyder?” he asked hesitantly. “His drawings were amazing...at least, once Justin finished with them for the posters anyway. This was just the first that I had ever heard of Spyder…you know…I was concerned.” Brian burst out laughing. “Jason you sound like a jealous lover. Spyder is Justin’s design-partner in New York. The two of them seem to have carved out quite a niche for themselves in The City, and now with the Bronze Quill nomination, they should become even busier. But don’t worry… Spyder will never replace you in Justin’s heart. I’m just surprised that Justin used Spyder’s drawings…instead of drawing them himself.” “He’s been working really hard, Brian. And I heard him say something about his hand holding out,” Jason conveyed nonchalantly. “Fuck, he hasn’t complained about his hand, giving him trouble, in ages. I don’t like the sound of this,” Brian said, allowing his concern level to rise. “I couldn’t draw what he wanted because I can’t draw that particular style,” Jason said in his own defense. “That’s what makes Justin such a great artist. He can usually draw in a lot of different styles to suit the situation and yet not have the quality of the drawing deteriorate with the style-shift. I guess the same is true about his paintings too.” “That’s part of it,” Brian whispered. “But there’s so much more.” “Anyway, the posters are all done now…they just need to be hung. We’ll have help tonight to help make sure that all the decorations are put up,” Paul added. “So what else do we have to consider?” “Justin and I talked about one more thing. You two need to make a visit to the fire station.” “The fire station why?” “Because they have this program where they will take kids for a ride on a fire truck. Usually, we need to schedule it days in advance. But I’m sure that Dunbar and Smith can use its influence, not to mention its checkbook, and pull out all the stops to make it happen. Justin thinks this would make Nicky’s birthday just about perfect.” “Brian, what are you talking about?” Paul asked totally confused. “Aren’t you two listening to me? You need to arrange for Nicky to have a ride on a fire truck for his birthday. You’ve had Justin so tied up with decorations and stuff that he didn’t have time to figure out all the details. We talked about it this morning, and I told him that I would handle it. And, since I have no intention of facing my partner tonight and explaining to him that I was unable to do this. I expect you two to make it happen. So take care of it! Is there a problem?” “No. No. Jason and I will take of it,” Paul groveled. “It’s not a problem. We really should have thought of this ourselves.” “Now, that’s better!” Brian laughed. “That’s quite a relief, in fact.” “What else do we have to do?” Paul asked. Brian continued, “We also have the little problem of the tickets for the opening of the new wing of the gallery. “Fran and Katie…you remember them…absolutely vicious women when riled. I suggest you take care of this ticket problem so that all they have to worry about are things like ‘what they will wear’...” “What?” Paul asked. “What about ‘purchase the additional tickets’ did you not understand?” Brian restated. “I’m sorry. I know that you’re right. We’ll take care of it,” Paul agreed. “So since you two are taking over the last minute details, I think you should drop me back at the house so I can rescue Justin.” “Rescue Justin? From what?” Jason asked. “Gus and Nicky for starters,” Brian insisted. “You know they aren’t going to voluntarily leave his side. I’ll probably have to kidnap Justin to begin with. But even more, I’m really concerned…if he’s been complaining about his hand…I just don’t know…he still has all that painting…for the shows. I just want him to rest that hand.” “Brian!” “That would pretty much mean, Jason, that you and Paul will be finishing up the piñata. Justin can direct but that’s it! He needs to rest that hand starting now. If I had known about the problem with his hand, he would not be sculpting that cake. I knew I should have convinced him wait for me before he left home to come here to deal with you two. He always tends to overdo,” Brian rambled on. Paul interrupted Brian’s ramblings with a laugh. “You are a bastard when you drop into full protection-mode where Justin is concerned, aren’t you? Oh, I’ve heard the rumors, but I have never seen it first hand. Until now, I only had Lindsay and Michael’s description of what you were like. Brian, will you calm down? I’m sure that Justin is ok. He would have told us if anything were really wrong.” “Well, it’s obvious that I can’t rely on the two of you to look out for Justin,” Brian reminded them with a scowl. “We’re sorry, Brian.” Jason added, “When Justin was talking about his hand, it didn’t register that he was having pain or anything…so red flags didn’t go off for us. If we had any idea that anything was wrong…you know we would have stopped Justin or at least called you. You know that.” “I guess we just got carried way. Maybe we weren’t paying close enough attention,” Paul whispered penitently. “So will you take me back now so I can check on him,” Brian demanded. “Sure,” Jason said quietly. “But why don’t you call him on his cell phone, that will at least ease your mind.” Brian gave himself a minute to try to calm himself before he placed the call to Justin’s cell phone, and just as he expected, the call rolled over into voicemail. Paul called on his house phone and Fran answered. “Mom, I see you’re still there. What’s going on?” Paul casually asked. “Justin finished the little trucks. They are great. Katie and I are just waiting for you to get back. Gabrielle was here for a while, but she left. She said that she’ll be back later tonight.” “Where is everyone now?” Paul innocently asked. “Justin announced that he was going to lie down. Needless to say, Gus and Nicky decided that he couldn’t be left alone, so they curled up with him. They’re in the guest room. Tell Brian he had better hurry back or Gus and Nicky will take over his place,” Fran said with a laugh. “Don’t worry, Mom,” Paul said with a laugh, “We’re on our way back. We’ll be there in a few minutes.” “Good, because Katie and I have work to do.” “We’re on our way, Mom,” Paul said, closing his phone. Paul took a moment to update Brian and Jason. “Well, whatever thoughts we had about taking Gus and Nicky shopping with us have pretty much gone out the window if the kids are resting with Justin,” Jason said with a laugh. “I just want to get back to house and check on Justin. Then, you two can go on without me.” Brian insisted. “The kids can stay with me.” “We’ll just check on them and then be off,” Paul insisted. “We want to be sure that Justin is ok too.”