Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest!
Chapter 40 – The Talk, Part 3 A Little Later…(Day 33) About an hour later, Brian nudged Justin back into the kitchen, and then resumed his seat on his favorite stool. Brian made a few clicks on the laptop, and decided that it was clearly time to plug in the laptop. So he started looking under the counter for a nearby outlet. “What are you doing?” Justin asked, trying to lean over the counter to see what his partner was up to. “I’m plugging in the laptop. Since your discussion of the painting is taking longer than I originally expected…I’m just making sure we don’t lose power before we finish.” “The discussion isn’t what’s taking time. It’s…” Justin tried to protest, but he was interrupted. “You know, we could have had this discussion with you ‘tied to the bedpost’. If I had only known how our discussion was going to go…you would have been in the perfect position…your nose pressed against the laptop screen…your ass in the air…so perfect!” Brian couldn’t resist teasing. “Brian! “What’s the matter, Sunshine? Don’t you like my fantasies?” “Brian!” “Ok, I was just teasing. Sort of… Can we get back to the task at hand?” “After what you just said, I’m not exactly sure what the ‘task at hand’ is,” Justin said with a laugh. “Excuse me…my painting…please…pay attention, Sunshine.” “What now? Haven’t we talked about your painting enough?” “No, not nearly enough,” Brian whispered. In the refrigerator, Justin located an assortment of sliced veggies and cut up fruit. He arranged these slices on a plate, which he then placed on the counter within easy reach of Brian. Justin started munching on a piece of fruit as Brian once again started to talk. “Ok, so we covered the scarf, the CD, and the rings. Now what about the jackets?” Brian asked, reaching over to pick up a few veggies. “What about them?” Justin asked. “I can see that my jacket is still on the ottoman, but your jacket has slid to the floor. You can even see where your jacket was once located on the ottoman. See the space?” Brian said, pointing to the vacant space on the ottoman on the screen. “When I first looked at the painting, it was so painful.” “Painful, why?” Justin asked with complete surprise. “Justin, your painting is so powerful, I could feel the jacket slide off the ottoman. When it slid, I could feel my heart wretch. I was afraid that you were slipping away from me.” “And just where did you think I was going?” “I was afraid that you were moving on. There’s emptiness where your jacket should have been. And that space is haunting because it can never be filled. The missing jacket was just upsetting. I don’t know, when I finally got a chance to look at the painting, you had gone on your trip to Cincinnati. I guessed I missed you more than I realized. Maybe I overreacted. Gus and I couldn’t wait for you to get back from your trip. We both really missed you.” “But I was only gone for a day.” “It was a day too long.” For just a moment, Brian and Justin couldn’t take their eyes off each other. Then Brian simply smiled and turned his attention back to the laptop. Justin realized that this was the first time that Brian had been this open and revealed this much about himself and his feelings. He noticed how vulnerable Brian looked. Justin saw how Brian felt about a simple, one-day separation. Justin could only guess how hard the last year must have been for him. No matter how misguided Brian’s action may have been, Justin understood that Brian suffered all this because he thought he was doing what was best for Justin. “It wasn’t meant to be upsetting, you know?” Justin said softly, now reciprocating with a little information. “It wasn’t?” “No. I intended the jackets and the rings to be seen together.” “You did?” Brian said, looking again at the painting and trying to see things differently. Not understanding, he asked “How?” “The placement of the two jackets said that the time wasn’t right for us to be together, but that in time, we would be together again. The rings were the affirmation that we would love each other always. It was a promise. But the whole picture was painted to tell you simply that now was the time for us to be together,” Justin said, reaching over and gently touching Brian’s cheek. “You know, there have been times that I felt we should have gotten married last year,” Brian softly admitted. “Where did that come from?” “I really wanted to marry you…you know…last year…when I asked…I was serious.” “I know. I did say yes. Remember?” Justin reminded him with a smile. “But then the article in Art Forum happened, and I didn’t want to hold you back. And…” Brian started but then stopped mid-sentence. There was a moment of silence between them Justin once again began to speak softly, “You know, we could have gotten married last year, and I still could have gone on to New York to pursue my art.” He paused for a moment to let that idea sink in. Then he continued. “Those two things were not mutually exclusive…in spite of what Lindsay may have thought.” “But, I wanted you to have every chance for a different life…if you wanted it. I didn’t want you in New York encumbered by me.” “Too late…much too late! Brian, my commitment to you didn’t disappear simply because we didn’t get married. I thought you understood that. I went off to New York because you convinced me that it made sense. The decision to go, and my living there, changed nothing about how I felt about you. I can’t believe that you thought it would.” “I know that now. But I was afraid that you would go to New York and never come back.” “I don’t know why, but you always feel that way whenever I go away. You felt the same way when I went to LA, but I came back then too.” “You came back because the movie was cancelled.” “I only went to LA because of the Rage, the movie. When the movie was cancelled, I had no reason to stay. You were in Pittsburgh, and I wanted to return to be with you.” “I know, but you seemed so disappointed.” “But, I could have stayed in LA. I had made quite a few contacts. I had my earnings from the movie. I guess I could have stayed and looked for other projects. That wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to be with you. So, I came back, and well, you know the rest.” “Yes, I remember. I was so obsessed with being the Stud of Liberty Avenue that I drove you away. Once you moved out, I had to take a long hard look at myself. I looked forward to seeing you around. I knew I had to figure out some way to get you back. But, before I had a chance to do anything about it, the bombing happened at the club. I realized then that I could have lost it all.” “So you asked me to marry you?” “No. I finally told you that I loved you. You already knew that I did, of course. I didn’t really have to tell you. But I wanted you to actually hear the words. You more than deserved that. I should have told you years ago, but I just couldn’t say the words then. Maybe, if I had said them before, then you would have never left me for the fiddler. But Justin, I asked you to marry me because I wanted to marry you…not because of the bombing at the club. You have to know that! I’m sure that everybody else may have thought that too…that I was reacting to the bombing when I asked you…after all, my views on marriage were so legendary. I asked you to marry me, because I was ready to take that step…with you. When you said yes…I was never happier.” “I always thought that you had second thoughts about us getting married. You behaved so strangely after you proposed.” “I know I surprised you at the bachelor party. But, I meant every word I said there when I turned down the dancer… ‘The prisoner respectfully chooses not to partake of his last meal, but be led instead to the gallows a hungry but happy man. I am happy to take my winnings and go home.’ Believe me, it was no hardship to go home with you. I had made my decision, and I was happy with it…end of story. I know that it bothered you a bit.” “It wasn’t that you didn’t want to fuck the dancer at your own stag party. But, all of a sudden you weren’t really interested in fucking me. You started to talk about wanting to garden and cuddle. You scared me. You started to sound like a Stepford Fag…I thought I had lost you,” Justin revealed. “Lindsay and Melanie started to say things about sacrifice. I started to feel like I was being selfish. That you were sacrificing too much to be with me. I had to make sure that you carefully considered your options and took advantage of New York. Maybe I went a bit overboard,” Brian conceded with a laugh. “I figured that you didn’t want to get married…It started to feel like you were getting married just to make me happy, and I couldn’t let you do that. I couldn’t gain my happiness at the expense of yours. So I agreed to go to New York, when I didn’t really want to go. I missed you terribly,” Justin confessed. “I know. But, we made it work. We’re still together. You took your art to the next level, and because you spent the last year in New York, you have a more promising art career. Everything seems to have worked out ok for us. We’ve agreed to end this living separately, and we’re going to be living together. You have no idea how happy that makes me. We’re really very lucky,” Brian finally acknowledged with a smile. “Yes, we are,” Justin whispered in reply. “Now, can we get back to my painting?” Brian quickly changed the mood by tapping on the laptop for emphasis. Justin sighed deeply. “What now? You know, you’ve spent more time pulling my painting apart, element-by-element, than I probably spent painting it in the first place. I’m so glad that you’re not an art critic!” “My painting…” Brian said, again tapping on the laptop, trying to bring Justin’s attention back to the task at hand. “What?” “My painting.” “What about it?” “The fire in the fireplace…” “What?” “I sort of figured out that the roaring fire in the fireplace was symbolic of our passion…the flame that can never be extinguished…the flame that would always burn hot.” “What?” “That’s why you have the fire raging in the room when no one is present. Otherwise, this would be a fire hazard. You never leave a fire unattended…surely you know that. It must be a part of one of those public service announcements that you so love to quote.” Brian teased. “And like the fire…the same is true for our passion. That’s why I kept coming to New York, so your passion for me wouldn’t go unattended.” “I’m not even going to touch that one,” Justin said with a laugh. “So it looks like I got that one,” Brian said with some satisfaction. With renewed confidence he continued, “And then the lovers…you and I…in a kneeling embrace. What they feel for each other transcends passion. I can see it all in the painting.” “Brian, just out of curiosity, what exactly have you been reading while I’ve been away.” “Just look at the painting. Can’t you see how much the lovers feel for each other? They don’t need vows or rings to prove how much they love each other. It’s right there in the painting. But, you are right! It’s time for them to be together! You put them in the painting just to drive home your point, didn’t you?” Brian pointedly asked, looking over at Justin. “Ah huh.” “And then there’s the setting for the painting. You wanted to make sure I was at home when I saw the painting. The room in the painting is the living room here at Bri-tin, isn’t it? The living room is one of my favorite rooms…after all, we were standing in the living room when you agreed to marry me.” “You remembered...” “Of course, I remembered. I had to work really hard to get you to say yes. But, you did say yes...and that was all that mattered. But as much as I love this room, it felt really empty when you were gone. So you were right when you sent the painting here to the house. Although you drove me crazy waiting to see it, your message was that much more poignant because I viewed the painting here at Bri-tin for the first time.” “Wow! Are you done?” “I think that about covers the painting. Did I miss anything? Surely you have something to add? Something that I overlooked?” “I see that you have spent a lot of time analyzing this painting…I was only hoping that you didn’t miss the overall message of the painting. But, I also hoped that you would actually like the painting. I know I was experimenting with a new technique but…” “Of course, I love the painting. That’s why it’s hanging near my desk, so I can look at it whenever I’m working here at home. I’m not sure that I ever thanked you properly. I’ll have to be sure to do that…as soon as I regain my strength.” They both laughed. Brian looked down on the counter and started to stare at the letter. Justin followed his line of sight. “Oh no you don’t!” Justin insisted rather strongly with a laugh. Brian looked back at him with a look of complete innocence. “Don’t even try to go there! We’re not going to talk about the letter tonight. Tomorrow or Sunday, maybe! We’re going to Babylon tonight!” “But, what about dinner? We have time to talk about the letter while we're eating dinner,” Brian innocently suggested. “Oh no! We talked about the painting, and I’m still hungry. We are going to enjoy a peaceful dinner, and then they we’re heading out to Babylon. I really just want to dance with you.” Justin pleaded. “And you know how I love public displays…” Brian said with a smile. Brian stood up and walked into the kitchen. He took Justin in his arms and kissed him, and then Brian continued to linger there holding Justin in his arms after the kiss. Brian volunteered to set the table while Justin finally placed the food on the plates. Dinner was completely relaxed with Brian and Justin using every opportunity to gently touch each other, while they lingered over the meal. Brian complimented Justin on his latest recipe creation, as he eagerly reached for seconds…here was a meal that Brian could eat without guilt, and he thoroughly enjoyed every forkful. After dinner, they quickly cleaned away the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. Brian closed the laptop, but left it on the counter. He wanted it close at hand, if necessary, for any future discussions. Justin smiled as he watched Brian with the laptop, wondering what Brian was thinking up now. Deciding a quick shower was in order before they dressed for the evening, Brian and Justin opted to shower together. Obviously, the shower was neither quick nor efficient. After a round of fucking in the shower, they emerged totally content and ready to dress for the evening. Brian dressed in his club clothes keeping in mind two criteria. He wanted to be sure he wore an outfit that was one of Justin’s favorite, and he wanted to be sure that the feel of his outfit was soft to the touch, since he planned on holding Justin close all night. Dressed in his traditional black, he selected black slacks and his softest, sluttish club shirt. Justin made sure that his outfit was just the right color to emphasize his eyes, and tight in all the right places to cause Brian to take notice. They both knew that all eyes would be on them tonight at Babylon. Justin dressed in Brian’s favorite color of blue, wearing navy slacks and one of Brian’s favorite light blue club tops. They each took one last look at themselves in the mirror. Finally, Brian leaned his forehead against Justin’s and said softly, “Let’s go!”