Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest!
Chapter 3 – Session 1, Part 2 A Little Later …(Day 16) “Melanie, didn’t Lindsay already know Brian at the point where you began your relationship? Weren’t they always close?” Elizabeth asked. “Yes that’s true,” Melanie acknowledged. “And Brian had already agreed to be the sperm donor for any children I wanted. He’d agreed to that even before I met you. So naturally when we decided to have a family, he was the logical choice.” “Maybe that’s the problem. You have so much stuff going on between you and Brian that there doesn’t seem to be any room for me in your life,” Melanie stated. “How can you say that? I told you that if it weren’t for you, I would have never had Gus. I could have asked for Brian’s sperm at any point over the years, but I didn’t,” Lindsay reminded her. “The decision for Brian to be Gus’s father, somehow made THAT the primary relationship in your life. You lived with me, but you sided with Brian in all decisions about Gus. You still do. You rarely take my side where Gus is concerned.” “Melanie, Gus isn’t an object for a power play. He’s not a possession. He’s my son. I want what’s best for him. Brian is good for him. I took your side after we moved to Toronto, when you didn’t want Brian to see Gus for a while. Brian still supported his son, but he couldn’t see him. Gus was miserable. Brian was miserable. It was a bad decision. Now that Gus and Brian are reunited, I’ve made a conscious decision not to separate them again, no matter how angry you get,” Lindsay stated emphatically. “Lindsay, Brian may be Gus’s father, but WE are still his parents,” Melanie professed. “That’s bullshit Melanie. Brian signed over his parental rights to you, so you could make decisions about Gus. Really he signed them over so we could get back together. But make no mistake…Gus has at least three parents…probably four, when you consider Justin. We couldn’t support Gus without the money Brian provides. I admit this situation is not what we had planned when we had Gus. However, this is the reality as it is. Gus definitely has three parents. And judging by Gus’s hunger strike, he thinks he has four parents.” “Excuse me, hunger strike?” Elizabeth asked. “Ben and Michael are the other parents of our daughter. They were visiting last weekend. Gus overheard Michael mention that he thought Justin was lost being in NYC. Gus misunderstood and had images that Justin was lost, hungry, and alone. Then Gus wouldn’t speak to us for a whole day, because we wouldn’t go and try to find Justin. Gus was worried that he would never see HIS Justin again. So the next morning, he refused to eat his cereal. He said he wouldn’t eat until we let him see Justin. So we sent him back to Pittsburgh with Ben and Michael so he could visit Brian and Justin,” Melanie explained. “That’s some story. You have a rather strong willed son. I can see that he must be a handful.” Elizabeth said with a laugh. “But let me stop your story for a minute. I noticed something you two have said many times. You constantly that ‘Brian as the father of Gus, but you two are the parents.’ However when speak about Michael and Ben, you say they are the ‘other parents for your daughter’. Melanie, is there some reason that you see Michael and Ben differently than you see Brian and Justin?” Elizabeth asked. “Michael and I have no emotional bond or history other than friendship. True, he maintained his parental rights. We had a rather nasty legal battle about that. Michael has joint custody of our daughter,” Melanie explained. “Whereas Brian signed over his parental rights to Melanie. In fact, Brian signed over his legal rights so we could get back together, and so I wouldn’t marry Gui. Brian tried to be supportive of you during that time of our separation. You have never once showed him any appreciation. Instead once he signed over his rights, you treated him like he no longer existed in Gus’s life,” Lindsay professed. “Why do you think that is, Melanie?” Elizabeth asked. “I guess it’s like once Brian signed over his parental rights, my plans…our plans were back on track. I went back to the things we had planned…the life we had planned. When Brian wasn’t a part of things. And Justin was the one who originally talked Brian into keeping his paternal rights for so long. So I guess I felt some resentment toward him as well,” Melanie continued. “And I’m sure Brian allowing Justin to name our son Gus rather than Abraham didn’t help,” Lindsay interjected with a smile. “So Melanie, the parenting situation with Gus didn’t turn out quite the way you expected. So Gus has four people, who care about him, who love him, who dote on him. Four people with shared concern for Gus. You and Lindsay have primary custody. But Brian and Justin appear to be involved. According to Lindsay that’s not going to change.” Elizabeth said. “There is no reason that it should. I just want to us to stop arguing about it.” Lindsay added. “Melanie, how do you feel about that?” Elizabeth asked. “I don’t know how I feel. It’s not what Lindsay and I planned when we decided to have Gus. In fact nothing about having Gus has gone according to what we planned. We planned for Lindsay to return to work after her maternity leave. Then she wanted to stay at home full time and be with the Gus. Because she had been raised by nannies, she wouldn’t allow one for Gus. And it goes on and on. Everything got so out of control. Nothing happened the way we planned!” Melanie said sternly with a sigh of frustration. “Melanie, surely you realize that when you have kids, very little goes the way you plan. Look at what happened with Jenny Rebecca. Ben and Michael were prepared to go to court over parental rights and joint custody. Things don’t always happen the way you plan. You can’t control everything!” Lindsay pointed out. “Is that an issue, Melanie? You don’t do well when the things that you plan change.” “No, I don’t.” Melanie acknowledged. “You also don’t seem to make good decisions in the face of change either, do you?” Elizabeth asked. “No, I evidently don’t,” Melanie said with a smile. “This is something I obviously need to work on.” Lindsay leaned over and kissed Melanie on the cheek. Melanie surrendered to the sign of affection. “Melanie, you’ve been fighting for six years to change the immutable, that Gus has four parents. How’s it been working for you?” Elizabeth asked with a smile. “I guess if I would accept the new reality and realize that I can’t change things, it would probably leave a lot more energy for those things I can change. Justin tried to tell me this in the letter he sent with the painting. Sometimes you go on fighting even after you’ve already won… Maybe you’ve been fighting so long because you no longer remember why… Or, maybe you’ve been fighting for something that simply transcends time… And can’t be won. Ted even tried to tell me the same thing a long time ago, when he told me about the Serenity Prayer. This is one of those things I have to find the serenity to accept, something that I cannot change. At least now I know the difference. I will work on this. I need some time. This is a major change.” “Take all the time you need,” Lindsay said. “But you still have to let me spar with Brian. That’s still the highlight of my day. And he would think something was wrong if it suddenly stopped. But, I do promise to work on trying to see him as a true parent for Gus.” “What about Justin?” “I guess I still see Justin as this little kid. True, when he fell in love with Brian and fought so hard for a place by his side, I did have to wonder about HIS judgment,” Melanie said with a smile. “But let’s face it, all of us adore Justin. Debbie was right. Justin belongs to all of us. When he joined our little group, we all changed. Both our kids adore him. So I know whatever resentment I feel about Brian doesn’t still carryover to Justin. My problem is that it’s hard sometimes to remember that Justin is a young man. I’m so used to him being this kid.” “Is that because of how you feel about men in general. Do you want to somehow protect Justin from that label?” Elizabeth asked. “Men are such assholes. Yes, I guess because of how we all feel about Justin, I want to somehow shield him from that label,” Melanie said with a smile. “I guess Lindsay and I are more alike, where Justin is concerned, than I realized. She wants to protect him from distractions to make sure he has every chance for a career as an artist. I want to protect him from being corrupted by the label of his gender. We’re quite a pair, you know.” “Yes, I know!” Lindsay acknowledged with a smile, leaning over to give Melanie a gentle kiss. “But Melanie, the thing we both have to accept is that Brian will protect Justin.” “No! I think that Justin will take care of himself. He isn’t a kid anymore. Justin does make his own decisions, which Brian will always support. I have to acknowledge that, even though I don’t see what Justin sees in Brian in the first place…Justin could do so much better than the Slut of Liberty Avenue. I’m sure part of the reason I have such a hard time admitting that he is a parent to Gus is because of who Brian is and what his lifestyle was.” Melanie stated with some anger. “And although I don’t understand their relationship, I do understand that Brian and Justin are partners. I still have to work on the rest.” “I’m proud of you,” Lindsay said, leaning over to give Melanie a kiss. “Melanie, you said something earlier that I want to go back to for a moment. Earlier you described your feelings about Brian. You said and I quote, ‘Something about Brian just makes me see red. Maybe it’s simply the fact that he’s a man…true a gay man…but a man nevertheless. And I believe that he is Lindsay’s fantasy man, capable of giving her all the things she has wanted since she was little girl. He’s the father of her child. He’s rich and successful.’ Does that ring a bell?” “Yeah, that’s what I said. What about it?” “You also continue to refer to Brian as an asshole, is that true?” “Yeah, what’s your point?” “Why don’t you tell us how you really feel about Brian?” Lindsay added with a smile. Melanie ignored Lindsay’s comment, “Elizabeth, what is your point?” “I was just wondering, why you always seem so angry at Brian? Why do you consider him an asshole? Is he an asshole because he’s a man…a gay man…but a man nevertheless? Are you constantly angry with him because of something he has done? Are you angry with Brian for who he is? Or are you angry with Brian for what he has accomplished with his life? Or are the facts much simpler than that…are you angry with Brian because of how Lindsay feels about him?” Elizabeth continued. “You never ask simple questions do you?” Melanie commented. “Just trying to do my job here,” Elizabeth quipped. “Probably for all the reasons and more. It probably starts with the fact that Lindsay loves him, and they share a past…an entire history that has nothing to do with me,” Melanie responded with a sigh. “And you blame Brian for this?” Elizabeth asked pointedly. “Yes,” Melanie answered. “You are angry with Brian for things over which he has no control and cannot change. Is that what you are telling me?” Elizabeth asked. “I’m angry with Brian because of how Lindsay feels about him,” Melanie finally admitted. “When did Brian become responsible for Lindsay feelings? I know it’s a ridiculous question but I was just curious?” Elizabeth asked. “I know it isn’t logical, but it is how I feel,” Melanie responded. “You are entitled to your feelings. They are clearly yours. But do you really gain anything by acting on those feelings. Lindsay gets angry. Gus gets defensive. What are you really getting out of the deal? I’m just curious?” Elizabeth continued. Melanie thought for a moment. Then, she finally said, “When you put it like that it probably doesn’t make sense, but when you sit there surrounded by the feelings it seems so right to feel about Brian the way that I do.” “Remember the painting,” Lindsay suggested. “What painting?” Elizabeth inquired. “Justin did a painting called Sparring Partners. He sent it to me from one of his exhibits. It was a stylized abstract painting of two dark haired figures wearing boxing gloves… one male and one female. They’re sitting on the edge of the boxing ring exhausted. Their legs were dangling over the side of the ring. In their exhaustion, they each had one arm draped over the shoulder of the other. The fighters were so exhausted that they had to lean on each other for support. You could just feel the total exhaustion in the fighters,” Melanie described. “There is probably a lesson in there somewhere that I have yet to learn.” “What are you thinking Melanie?” Elizabeth asked. “I’m thinking that I need to ponder this some more. I not sure that this is something I can resolve quickly. I just need some time,” Melanie said with deep sigh. “Take all the time you need,” Lindsay added. Elizabeth allowed a moment of silence for everyone to re-gather their thoughts. “I’m not sure exactly what you two wanted to accomplish, so before we have to stop for today, I thought that we should do a reality check to see how each of you feel about the things,” Elizabeth pointed out. “Lindsay, why don’t you start?” “I’m really glad that we came to see you. Things don’t look as discouraging as they first appeared in Toronto,” Lindsay began. “Well that’s good to hear,” Elizabeth responded. Then, Lindsay continued, “I do know that we love each other, and we really want this to work out. I have to begin to tell Melanie what I think and feel, and I need to make sure that she hears me. We need to reexamine the whether or not we continue to live in Toronto or return to Pittsburgh, but this is a decision we need to make together. I will look at my relationship with Brian, and I see it things may need to change. I will also look at myself as an artist and be sure that I am viewing myself correctly. I will think about my involvement in Justin’s career as an artist and be sure that I am not going overboard. I need to reexamine the Brian and Justin’s relationship with Gus. That is definitely a lot to think about and I’m not about to try to tackle this all at once. I’m going to work in baby steps,” Lindsay explained. “That sounds good. And you Melanie,” Elizabeth continued. “The same is true for me. I need to find a way to manage my anger. I have to learn to accept the fact that things will not always go exactly as I planned. I have to learn to accept a change of in my plans without becoming unbearable to live with. I agree that Lindsay and I need to reexamine whether or not we continue to live in Toronto, and that we need to do a lot of talking about that decision. I understand that Brian will always be Gus’s father and all the fighting and arguing I do, is not going to change that reality. I also see that Justin is a big part of Gus’s life. I also have to find some way to come to terms with the relationship between Lindsay and Brian…especially if I want to have a relationship with Lindsay. I see that we can’t keep fighting this same battle over and over again because it’s not getting us anywhere. I see that also need to look deep into myself and examine my own feeling about a lot of things. I know that I love Lindsay, and really I really do want things to work between us. I also realize that this is really going to take some time,” Melanie explained. “Our time is up for today. How would you two like to proceeded from here?” Elizabeth asked. Melanie spoke up, “I would like to continue with our original plan to meet with you daily for the rest of this week. I know that we won’t solve things but maybe we can get some new perspectives.” Lindsay added her comments, “Then, we can continue to talk to each other when we get back to Toronto, and hopefully see you again in a month. That is if you have the time available. I just think this is really important for us.” “Since this is what you both want, why don’t we plan meet again tomorrow at the same time. I’ll see you then. If there are any problem tonight, I want you both to promise me that you will call my service,” Elizabeth insisted. Melanie and Lindsay voiced their agreement with Elizabeth’s terms before leaving the office.