Authors Note: I was planning on making this the chapter but I was so busy and it was getting so v v long that I decided ud all rather get half of the chapter, rather than having to wait a few more days for the whole of it. So I hope u can all forgive me for making u wait - trust me, Justin is just as pissed off and frustrated at the moment. Neway hope u all like.. dont forget that Comments r blatent encouragment so that the next chapter is written quicker.. like a letter to Santa begging for treats. Thank you to my Beta, Big J... ***** When Justin knocked on the door of Brian’s study hoping to be able to solve their disagreement, or at the very least plead for his forgiveness, no one replied. His disappointment was palpable even when he ran into Jenkins and was informed that the Master was not in the house. He decided that the only way to make himself feel better was to totally ignore the problem. He decided to get away from the only solution he could think of - that being both him and Brian, partially naked and partaking of untold pleasures. Justin went to find Jane and they both decided that it would be a lovely morning to take Gus to the park. Getting him ready was a challenge for the little boy refused to stay still. Finally he was wrapped up warmly and with both adults in their outdoor clothes they were off. Gus sat atop his newly bought perambulator, thrilled with the view and very proud of his transport. But once they entered the park and he saw all the other children, he fussed until Justin placed him on the grass so that he could run around, clumsily. Jane stayed close to her charge at all times and Justin followed her so that they could continue their conversation. Theirs was a close friendship that came about mostly due to their shared love for the beautiful boy they cared for, and the similarities in their ages. It had taken a few weeks for their level of comfort to develop, for to begin with Jane was unsure of Justin’s position in the household and seemed uncomfortable making idle conversation with a friend of his Lordship. Justin had reassured Jane with his easy camaraderie and sweet, open nature. Jane could not feel threatened by him, for no obvious reason that she could deduce. She was always wary when around other men. She knew that she was comely and that it would be easy to be seduced or taken by a man, especially by the richly dressed men that visited her master. She also knew that as a woman she had very little strength or power and that Justin would not require or demand anything from her. She trusted and idolised him. She was only a year younger than him and yet he shared knowledge with her of places she could not even begin to imagine, and he had promised to teach her how to read. They had both sat down on a bench when she realised that Gus had wandered a bit too far. She made a move to fetch him but Justin held her back and ran after the toddler himself. She watched as they played and Justin lifted Gus up and swung him in the air, while the baby giggled joyfully. “He is a pretty child!” she turned at the sudden appearance of the voice she did not recognise and stiffened. A man was where Justin had been sitting beside her only minutes before. Although he spoke to her, his dark eyes were fixed intently on the toddler clutching at Justin’s hair as Justin tried to turn him upside down. “Yes! He is.” she replied tersely and turned forward again in the hopes that the stranger would lose interest and leave. Instead he turned his full attention towards her. She fiddled with her fingers where they lay in her lap. The man had his hat pulled low over his eyes and the dark shadow made her shiver, for it made him look ominous. “Is he yours and your husbands’ son?” she glanced back towards Justin and nearly smiled. “No.” She said, deciding that ‘no’ could answer all this strangers’ implications in one go without really answering any. “He is not your husband?” the man fished and inched closer to her making her nervous and she pursed her lips. “…or he is not your son?” Justin looked up and saw that a man had sat down next to Jane on the park bench. He studied the scene before him, for the man made him curious. His hat lay low on his face, casting a shadow that would be interesting to draw – in charcoal he thought. The contrast between Jane’s clean white nurses’ uniform contrasting well with the mans’ clothing, which were dark and dull as if they had been washed often and the sheen that new material usually gave off had been lost. The way he sat was also of particular interest, forcefully casual, his body too tensed and stooped, as if to hide himself from people but seated back against the bench, his ankle resting on the thigh of his other leg. To a casual observer he seemed… very… normal, usual and unremarkable. “Jane.” She relaxed slightly when she saw Justin approach her with Gus on his hip. “I was just remarking that you had a lovely boy there.” The man said, almost eagerly as if he thought he needed a reason to be there. It made Justin wary but he did not feel apprehensive. Justin stood patiently, waiting to see if there was anything else. “Is he yours?” Justin raised an eyebrow, “No.” “Your Master’s then? This pretty lass is not your gel, heh?” Justin’s eyes narrowed, the man seemed to be trying to distract him from one question with the other. “I do not think that I can lay claim to another human being sir. She is not property.” he said sternly hoping to radiate some power and wishing that he had his sword round his hips so that he could rest his hand on the hilt for emphasis to better illustrate his station. “What is your name, man?” Justin asked his own question and was not surprised when the man backed off easily, standing up and putting distance between himself and the young girl. “Is just that the gels wearin’ the colours of the Lord Talbot’s house and his seal on her cloak and I… call meself a mite curious is all. No need to let your hackles rise. I’s meant no offence, Sir” the man backed away slowly until he turned and walked off. “Was he making you uncomfortable, Jane?” Justin asked quickly as he turned towards her and sat down. Smiling softly she shrugged and held her arms out to Gus who twisted himself out of Justin’s grip and crawled towards her. She placed him back in the pram where he settled comfortably and getting up they both turned back towards home. Justin had lunched and volunteered to lay Gus down for his nap. He found himself with nothing to do so he decided to go and sit in the sitting room, which had large windows that let in lots of light, and sketch. Brian had spent most of the day realising that avoiding people negatively affected his social life. He was not speaking to Alasdair. Brian was all too aware that Alasdair had the ability to make him confront things even when he had nothing to confront. That and the fact that he wasn’t sure that Alasdair was aware of the fact that Brian was avoiding him. He had locked himself into his office at the club early in the morning. So early that he was quite sure no one had seen him enter and therefore no one had bothered him all day. It had been a very long, dull productive sort of day. Yet he was aware that Alasdair would not be the agent he was if his skills for finding things that did not want to be found were not as impressive as they were. It was unsurprising when at a little after two someone knocked on his door and it swung open. Alasdair did not even look around to see if he was in the office. He knew he was and sat down comfortably on the chair in front of his desk before looking at him. “Why are you not at home?” “I had work to do and… the babe was teary. I could not concentrate and I realised I had left something here and took the opportunity to make my escape… we are fighting.” Brian finally stated with a casually blank expression. “So you’ve fucked him? Send him on his way, now. Back to the country where he can contaminate the boys of his acquaintance with the debauchery that you have instilled in him so well.” “That is the problem.” “He will not go home?” Alasdair raised a brow and stared at him intently. “No.” Brian hesitated “I won’t fuck him.” The silence was penetrating “Why?” Brian remained stoically silent and Alasdair nodded as if he had just confirmed a feeling he had. “Is it because you do not desire him?” Brian eyed him doubtfully and Alasdair nodded his agreement. “Right. It was an improbable supposition. Does he not want you?” Another eye-roll, Alasdair’s smile widened. “Does he not know what to do…” Brian interrupted him, “Alasdair,” he warned “what Justin knows or doesn’t know is none of your business.” Is it because you do not wish to endanger him?” “Partly.” “So you do not allow him to explore all of the feelings that you trigger in him. You show him everything that he has within his reach and then say ‘yes but not for you little boy’ and not to mention…” “Alasdair! Enough!” Brian interrupted but Alasdair continued on regardless. “Do you not respect his intelligence? You were the one to tell me he was brilliant, yet you do not give him the credit to make his own decisions.” Alasdair paused for effect. “That is not compassion or altruism. You are treating him as if he were nothing but one of your possessions. You disrespect him in every way.” “You may leave now.” Brian said coldly Alasdair kept his face blank got up and left, knowing that Brian’s ability to process was non-existent - if he could find anything to distract him from what it was he was supposed to be processing. Alasdair knew when to keep his mouth shut. When Brian arrived home he searched through the rooms of the house looking for Justin. At the same time he vaguely hoped that Justin wouldn’t see him while he did his searching. Brian wanted to place him in the house without Justin knowing that he had arrived home. It would help knowing which room in the house to avoid. Entering the sitting room he glanced around quickly and seeing no one he took a step back. “Brian… My lord,” Justin corrected himself and Brian turned his head towards him sharply, both at the voice and at the form of address. He looked around once more and saw Justin comfortably hidden just beyond his sight. He was curled up in an armchair, a piece of charcoal in his hand and using a large book as a rest on which to place a few sheets of papers, which in turn was resting on his knee. Their eyes met. Brian froze for a moment and then nodded and turned to walk out of the room but Justin stopped him once more. Justin sat up straight “I just thought that you would… that you should know a… a man approached us in the park. He seemed… curious… ah and I… thought… I should mention it.” Justin trailed off weakly and shut his eyes hoping that it would help him forget his stuttered speech. Justin’s words had amused Brian initially, as he thought that Justin well deserved to be apprehensive around him. But as he realised the significance of those words, Brian stiffened and lost all of his reserve. He approached Justin where he sat. “Did he touch either of you? Harm you in any way?” he reached out to reclaim, stroke his fingers through the soft blond hair, hesitated and dropped his hand. “It was strange that is all.” Justin stated looking at him with a bemused expression. “He was overly presumptuous and… curious” “What did he say?” Brian forced himself to sit comfortably on the settee that faced Justin in his armchair. “It was unimportant. He made Jane nervous and it concerned your son and I thought… I should tell you.” Justin tried to undermine his own concern. “Justin, I know you would not purposefully attempt to alarm me. I will not dismiss you or your thoughts so easily. Tell me why it came to your attention.” “I just thought that you would… after last night… I did not know.” Justin closed his eyes and started again. He hoped that not looking into Brian’s eyes would help him somewhat. “He was curious about Gus. Asked if he was Jane and mine’s son.” Justin smiled and Brian nearly laughed out loud at the mere thought. “But when I told him “no” he asked whose he was for Jane was wearing the Talbot colours and insignia.” Brian’s face remained blank. “Thank you for telling me, Justin.” Brian told him seriously and stood up and Justin followed him. They were both facing each other and Justin automatically licked his lips “I… I did not mean to push you to do something you did not want.” Justin tried to pave through their friction. Brian smiled sadly and tried not to touch him. “You are wrong, Justin. The problem is that I want it too much.” “Then why…?” “Justin… one person, one person… a servant, a friend, a man on the street could see something and it would be the end. One enemy who decided that we smiled at each other in the wrong way… or maybe just that we are close friends and that by ruining you they could hurt me. Justin – the humiliation, the pain, they could torture or rape you or both…” “Rape me?” Justin interrupted, confused, but Brian ignored him. “Justin I could not in all knowledge put you in that much danger.” “What stops anyone from fabricating the tale instead? Truth is subjective… and don’t tell me that no one has ever created their own version of it! Who would know what we have or have not done in our beds? If we would do this…” Justin gestured between them vaguely “I would rather suffer for something I got the chance to experience.” “Bí ' do thost, Ciach ort, Bí ' do thost. (Shut up, damn you, shut up)” Brian brushed his fingers through his hair and shut his eyes, “Why is it that you can speak with reason in a situation where either hate or passion rule?” “Let it not be hate, Brian…” Justin insisted, “My Lord I want only passion. Make me lose all reason.” And Brian kissed him. Pulling Justin into his arms as his hand cupped the blond head and forced it to him, needing to taste of him. And Justin drowned in the power of those lips, in Brian’s strength, in Brian’s scent and flavour, in Brian’s need. He could do nothing but let his mouth be plundered and used. His tongue sucked in and forced back so that Brian’s could take its place in Justin’s own mouth. Pulling back, his lips felt abused and swollen and his heart beat heavily and it cost him to focus his eyes on what he wanted to see. “You cannot take this choice away from me, for in that action you would brand me less than worthy to share your own bed – by your own reasoning. If I am not knowledgeable enough, experienced enough, old enough… if I am too naïve or too innocent for this final act… then you must use the same criteria to judge me fit for the rest of what we do between us.” “But they are not against the law.” “Laws are passed by men and you of all people should know that it is in their eyes that we will be judged and condemned. It is they who would bring about our deaths… if our deaths are to be. And that ‘if’ is tiny, circumstantial, insignificant… the chances of something happening are…” “Great. Justin. The chances are great. There are many uncontrollable variables.” Brian tried to step away. Put some distance between himself and the problem but Justin raised his hand in that moment and stroked his fingers along his cheek and he couldnt. “But I think it is worth that risk. Do not make this decision for anyone other than yourself.” A knock sounded and Brian stepped away quickly, both annoyed and relieved with this well-timed interruption. The double doors opened wide and Jenkins appeared to announce someone. Brian straightened up, tried to look at ease and turned towards him. “My Lord, The Countess, Lady Clarice…” Before Jenkins had finished an imposing woman in a maroon dress, so dark it seemed almost black in certain lights, pushed her way through and making an exaggerated curtsy, spread her skirts and sat herself down on a King Edwards chair. “…of Avondale.” “Thank you Jenkins.” She said “Inform the kitchen that we will be requiring some tea.” Jenkins bowed forbearingly and shut the door behind him. Brian turned towards his guest and raised an eyebrow inquiringly. Justin took this opportunity, because he was hidden, to examine the woman who had entered. He supposed that she was beautiful. All he knew was that she was very elegantly dressed and seemed regal. What did confuse him was that she was dressed in a style that made her look much older than she seemed, for her face was fair and unlined and her dark auburn hair had no grey. Her lips were full and sensual and her nose small, in that way he imagined some men would be attracted to. Her face was passive, as if the soft smile she wore was painted on, no matter what she was feeling, but her eyes were sharp and intelligent. Justin could imagine that she would never miss anything “I do so love to taunt your Jenkins by doing something so grave as being wholly unconventional and entering a room before being announced.” Brian rolled his eyes and smiled as this highly refined lady stood swiftly and marched towards him. Her tone suddenly changed dramatically, “Near a whole month I have waited and not a word. What will people say? I felt like a discarded mistress. Everyone was talking of it.” “Clara, are you in mourning again?” Brian asked, ignoring her rant. “Well… now that you mention it Lord Shelton has passed on.” She said gravely Brian snorted, “You were right to take advantage of the situation so you could wear that dress. It suits you very well and that pompous old man is probably now wondering why it was that he never noticed your admiration for him when he was living. He’s doubtlessly looking down upon us, regretting that he didn’t take you for a tumble.” She shuddered, then smiled gaily and decided to concentrate on the important matters. She patted down the material where the skirts swelled out from her waist and said, “It does suit me, doesn’t it?” Brian rolled his eyes in exasperation. Then she straightened her back and pinned him down with a pointed look. “But that is not the point. You Sir, have not been to see me.” “Well, now we know that if society thinks of you as a discarded mistress… at least we are doing something right.” He mocked. “One of the advantages of this agreement was that I would never have to be discarded. You would love me passionately, forever.” She sighed dramatically “Yes!” he said slowly his sarcasm obvious. Then turning serious he said “I've had other things to worry about…” “Yes, news that you are widowed has spread through society like wild fire…” She paused and pondered “or the clap.” She stated thoughtfully, “Although the fact that you were married to begin with was more surprising for most people.” The door of the parlour opened and a maid carried in a tray with tea, helped by a footman. “You do know who almost died of the vapours when he found out…? Left Whites looking quite sickly, although slightly relieved…” She turned to look at him as if to make sure that he understood what she meant. “… that your Lady wife died before giving you a legitimate heir.” she assured as she stared him down steadily. Brian crossed his arms and remained obviously silent. Lady Clarice sighed knowingly. “We must plan his coming out. A christening,” she mused “Probably already christened, but one can't be christened too many times, can one?” she turned too look at him and he shrugged, “or his first birthday? You could invite all the other little Lords and Ladies. Make sure you have enough wine in the house so that all those wandering Mamas can pretend to forget that you rejected them and their particular brand of comfort. After all you are… pretty… and one can't expect a man to mourn his wife for too long, can one? We should expect the neglected wives of the wealthy to try and snare something so wholly alluring and unattainable as you. It would be quite an achievement…” “I am quite certain that a moment ago you were planning my presumed son’s birthday party? Not how to fend off the many women who will be throwing themselves at my feet… and isn’t comforting me your job?” “Tsk, don’t aggravate me. We should have started planning this, months ago. The sooner the better, or certain tongues will wag and rumours will fly and illegitimacy could be hinted at. Or maybe your cousin will just claim that you bought yourself a brat for convenience sake. He has a sharp malicious tongue after all and little head on those shoulders. Not that his head is altogether small. Actually if one includes his chins one could say it is rather large… it's what’s in between those ears that disappoints one due to its… diminutive size…” she trailed off and continued pacing. “It is a boy is it not?” she fired out “Was there ever any doubt?” “No, of course not. You would have a boy.” “I have many boys actually, as often as I can. But only one son, whose sex, even I could not have foretold.” “Well, you were lucky. Does he look like you?” Brian blinked rapidly. Who knew the answer to that? He didn’t pay attention to those particular sorts of details and… Justin, who had been paying attention, more or less up until that point… although he would say most of his concentration was focused on his sketch of the Lady, barely realised that he spoke. “Yes, he looks exactly like his father.” Lady Clarice looked around, startled at this interruption. Even she could not erase the flash of surprise from her customarily blank face. She blinked and studied this alien object before deigning him worthy of asking, “And whom, may I ask, are you?” She said in her most pompous and imposing voice as she stood up straighter and glared at this intruder. It would have never occurred to her that maybe it was she who had imposed. Justin glanced briefly at Brian who nodded giving him permission to reply and he stood up, as he should have done when the lady had entered the room - but he had been too busy trying to recuperate from… Brian – and bowed. “Justin Taylor, My Lady. It is an honour to be introduced to you.” Brian laughed at Justin’s obvious dig at his own impropriety and even Lady Clarice could not hide her smile. Her curiosity unsatisfied she asked, “… and… what are you?” Brian quickly answered before Justin could. “My guest.” He stated bluntly and it was obvious that this line of questioning was to be dropped. Not that he thought it would be so simple to shut her Ladyship’s mouth. “I could ask you the same question, My Lady.” Justin stated, “After all it is you who have intruded.” For once in her life Clarice could find nothing to say. Brian was almost proud but decided he must interrupt before the Lady found her wits. He stepped in front of Justin and forced him back down into his seat, their eyes meeting and Brian conveyed his wish for patience. “I think I like you.” Clarice finally stated. “You are fearless, although possibly stupidly so. It is refreshing.” “You are not the first to think me refreshing.” Justin said while Brian decided to avoid looking at anything other than that pretty little china jar over the mantle as he tried to remember where he had bought it. “I thank you for the compliment. Although I am sure it is just a polite way of calling me naïve.” He said smartly and Brian groaned. “I never said you were naïve, Justin.” Brian spoke quickly and without thinking. “Didn’t you, My Lord?” Justin didn’t even attempt to hide his smile. Brian sucked a breath in through his clenched teeth and felt the heat of desire rush through his body and the heat of an elusive sort of exasperation. Clarice could not contain her laughter. It was light and full and rolled through the room making Brian smile. “It seems that the boy is definitely not naïve, Brian and it is possible that you are in over your head.” She said knowingly. “So Justin, it was his Lordship that thought you refreshing? I am sure it was a compliment or as near one as Brian will offer.” “Are we quite finished?” Brian asked sharply and both Clarice and Justin stilled and turned to look at him. Justin stayed motionless for he knew that Brian did not require gentling but Clarice went towards him and tried to talk Brian down. “Brian, we were just teasing,” she said loud enough for Justin to hear and then started to whisper. “Who is he Brian?” she smiled blankly. “are you going to be a jealous little bitch Clarice? Under normal circumstances I do not mind but you know how I feel about your natural inbred inclination towards hypocrisy. You should also know that pressing yourself up against me in that way does nothing for me.” She huffed and stepped back. She spoke without trying to veil her words, “Hypocrisy is a necessary quality in the well born. Highly sought, almost a requirement if you are going to move about in our society.” “You know what I think of your society Clara.” “Yes I do.” She smiled indulgingly “It is why you need me.” Brian tensed and examined her face. “What do you mean, Clara?” “But do not worry,” she said, “as you can see I have come dressed and prepared to be escorted to the Duchess of Norfullan’s ball. So you must go and ready yourself.” She smiled sweetly, fully aware of the horror that she had just announced. Brian stayed silent, brooding, then spoke lightly, “I can not.” Brian stated carefully, serious and intense. “It would be rude to take an invitation alone when I have a guest in the house to entertain.” Justin’s eyes widened apprehensively and he opened his mouth to refute this sudden need for company. Quite perplexed as to why Brian was suddenly worrying about a formality, which he had not kept this past month, Brian glanced at him sharply. Understanding dawned and Justin tried to hide his grin. Clarice looked pensive and then she smiled sweetly, “The Duchess of Norfullan will forgive me for arriving on the arms of two men instead of one. She was just now complaining that she did not have enough bachelors to pair off all of her young ladies for dinner. I shall send her a note immediately telling her that she need not worry.” Brian shut his eyes, exasperated and gave in wordlessly. Justin blinked rapidly and tried not to glare at Brian for getting him mixed into his machinations. Brian sighed and shook his head, “Clarice… My Lady…” he tried to placate and said Lady turned back towards him and raised a carefully shaped brow. “Oh so now I am your Lady. It's good to know what it takes for you to grant me the proper respect.” Brian snorted, “If you wanted simpering awe or as you call it respect… you have other people to fawn all over you.” “You are quite right. Now both of you hurry up, a Lady can not be kept waiting.” Watching those two was like watching a tennis match, the ball moving back and forth. Justin could not imagine getting a word in edgewise, if he had wanted to, which he didn’t. As Brian and Justin made their way up the stairs Justin spoke. “Your friends are all exceedingly interesting.” “Aren’t they?” Brian smiled at him and when Justin turned to enter his own room Brian followed him. Justin noticed that Brian had not continued on down the hall to his own chambers and turned to look at him enquiringly. Brian seemed oblivious and continued past Justin’s bed until he reached the closed door, which Justin had spent most of the night obsessing over. He opened it and walked through towards his wardrobe and rifled through, contemplating all his clothes. He had an impression to make. After more than fifteen months away he wanted the London Ton to remember why it was that the men and women all swooned at the mere thought of him. Justin smiled, bewildered at this change and elated with its implications. As Brian started to take off his clothes Justin neared the door and watched him, relaxed against the doorframe. He enjoyed Brian’s body as he moved - the sleek muscles that rippled as he bent over to push his breeches down - the water as it cascaded and fell over his chest, - the moment when he turned around to face him. “So I need to keep that door shut if we are ever to accomplish anything in a timely fashion? Get into your room and change. I can't concentrate if I know that you are looking at me in that way.” Brian began to lace his linen shirt. “In what way?” Justin demanded, although the dreamy quality of his voice made it less of a demand and more like pleading. “That way that lets me know you are using all your self restraint in order not to come over here and have me naked and at your mercy.” Justin bit his lip, turned and closed the door behind him firmly. He could hear Brian chuckling as he washed and changed.