Smevalicious banner Chapter 18 Who has to know When we live such fragile lives It's the best way we survive Brian’s POV It’s about twenty minutes until he stops crying. My ass, back, and neck are sore from sitting on the hard tiled floor but I can’t move, not until he’s alright. Who the hell am I kidding, he’ll never be alright, thanks to him. His fucking father. Fathers are supposed to teach you how to throw a baseball, give you away at your wedding, hell, just simply care about you. Not that. Never that. Justin finally tilts his head up, his cloudy blue eyes meeting mine. I wipe the remaining tears off his flushed face with the pad of my thumb. “What was her name?” My voice is raspy. “Molly.” He sniffles and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. Justin’s POV God I am such a fucking pussy. Our first date and here I am bawling my eyes out over something I can’t change. But for some strange reason my chest feels a little bit lighter. After Molly died I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t show any emotion, to prove to my dad he hadn’t gotten me, not yet. When she died…when she was murdered…a part of me died too. We were always there to protect each other, whether it was on the playground or at home. She was my best friend. She also was the first person I came out to, hell, she practically told me I was gay. “Molly I’m… I’m…” “Gay? Yea I know, are you going to eat that?” That’s how I want to remember Molly, not screaming for help on the living room carpet. Reality hits and I blink hard, looking around the bathroom, thank god no one came in, THAT would be embarrassing. I regretfully scoot off of Brian’s warm lap and we both stand up. “Umm you can still go to Babylon if you want, I’ll grab a cab back home or something…” I rub the back of my neck and look around for my shirt. “No… I’ll take you home... guess there’s no choice huh?” “Nope.” “God damnit Justin this fucking sucks, I can’t stand seeing you like this.” Brian runs his fingers through his hair and searches my face for a glimmer of hope, something I lost long ago. “I know.” His strong arms pull me into him again and I really want to melt. He pets/scratches the back of my head and he whispers to me “We’ll figure something out, it’ll be alright.” “Sure.” Fuck I want to believe him so bad but I can’t stand having my hopes shattered once more. Fatigue washes over me and I just want Brian to carry me home to the castle he came from. I finally pull back, kiss his lips softly, grab my jeans, and walk out of the bathroom and then the diner, into the cool autumn night. I stand on the quiet sidewalk, my flushed face cooling quickly and Brian comes from behind and wraps his arms around my waist. “I’ll take ya home now Sunshine.” “Brian, I’m sorry, it’s just-“ “Sorry’s bullshit.” I’m a little hurt at his dismissal of my apology but right now I’m too tired to care. In the car the air is a bit tense but when “Hanging by a Moment” comes on the radio again we both smile at each other and hum along. The drive home is entirely too short I find out as Brian shakes me awake a block from my house. “Come on Jus, we’re here.” I slide out of the warm leather seat and back into the cool air of the night. “I would walk you to your door, but then I’d have to kiss you.” Brian rolls his lips into his mouth and we hug again. Before I fall asleep again I pull back and give him a sound kiss on his dark red lips. I start to walk away, keeping hold of his hand until our arms are both fully extended. I’m about to let go when he yanks me back into his hold, smothering my lips with his own. He finally lets me go, whispering in my ear, “nighty night, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” I swallow the lump in my throat, nod, and start to walk away, holding his piercing gaze until he disappears into the darkness of night. Brian’s POV Fuck, when the hell did my life get this stressed? Soccer state-finals, finding a fake girlfriend, Mikey, and now helping Justin. I can’t let him just give up, I can’t. His dad already beat him down this far but he can’t win, I won’t let him. I pull into my own driveway and turn off the ignition. How do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? God, Justin, I need some help here. *********** “Man we are going to kick some serious ASS this weekend,” “State champs two years in a row baby!!” “Hell yea!” Again the morning conversation floats around me, the breeder brat pack bragging about my soccer skills. “”So Bri, who are you going to bang before the big game?” Shit. “Eh I don’t know yet, but I’m thinking about getting a regular…” “Yea girlfriends are nice like that, cheerleaders are the best, they think getting you off is like their duty or somthin” “It isn’t?” The retards before me laugh at my pathetic joke, I shudder on the inside, I better not have to actually fuck this girl… The warning bell rings and once again I am saved from these idiots, now off to ogle Justin’s ass in Bio. During lunch I scope out prospective girlfriends. I need one that I hopefully won’t have to fuck, and that’s popular. Damnit all populars are total whores, maybe I can find a closet lesbian… I scan the cafeteria, some idiots started a fight last year in the parking lot so now we don’t get lunch release, and my eyes land on a pretty blonde sitting at another coed popular table. Mhmmm this girl gets a rise out of my gaydar. A definite possibility. I nudge Chris, who is busy stuffing his face with cafeteria ‘food’, I shudder at the thought, “Hey who’s the hot blond over there? I haven’t seen her around.” “Oh that’s Cynthia. She’s new, just moved here from New York. From what I hear quite feisty, and bi. Bi girls are so fuckin hot man. Why? You thinking of going after her?” Score! Feisty=won’t put out. “Maybe.” I push my chair back, toss my apple in the nearest trash can and walk gracefully over to her table. I take a seat across from her after nodding hello to everyone else. I see her checking me out so I catch her surprised gaze, holding it with my patented smirk. I lean back, stretching my frame, propping my elbow on the back of the chair. “Brian Kinney, you new?” Cynthia takes a second to compose herself before she speaks. Cynthia’s POV Who the hell does this slick jerk think he is? I was so embarrassed when he caught me cruising him, fucking asshole, just sat back and smirked. Well he is pretty damn hot. Man he’s the first guy you’ve been attracted to in a long time, take note of that one boys and girls. “Brian Kinney, you new?” God even his name is hot! “Ummm Cynthia Moore and yea, I just moved here from New York City.” Something seems a little off, like this is an act or something. Whatever, he’s interested, let’s see where this goes. “Well Cynthia Moore, what’s your next class?” “French III with Kerth” “Ahh moi aussi (me too)” Hmm good accent. “m'escorteriez-vous ? (would you escort me?)” “ce serait mon manque de plaisir (it would be my pleasure)” Brian stood up, took my tray of slop in one hand and offered me his other, I take it and he leads me first to the tray-conveyor and then out of the cafeteria. Once in the hall he wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. Sweet Jesus the boy smells like heaven. I smile flirtatiously up at him and he looks down with another smirk. God I could melt in those hazel eyes. “So, what are you doing tomorrow night?” “Not much.” “Really now, how about grabbing something to eat then seeing the late showing of Lady in the Water?” “Sounds like a date, pick me up at 8?” “8 it is.” We arrive at the classroom and Brian takes his arm off my shoulder and opens the door for me. Gasp. Swoon. Die. I’m going on a date!! With Brian Kinney no less!! Amanda told me about him, tall, dark, and sexy, doesn’t date often, she says he fucks around a lot, with South Allegheny girls mostly. I hope it doesn’t have to be all about that with us. I don’t date often either and I don’t like to fuck until at least the third date, guys and girls usually get a tad pissy about that, but screw them, I don’t plan on getting knocked up or sick any time soon. We have a saying in New York, like diamonds, herpes are forever. Tell me all that you've thrown away Find out games you don't wanna play You are the only one that needs to know Justin’s POV Ow. God fucking damnit I should have known better. Brian’s a jock, he needs arm candy. But fuck, I didn’t expect it to hurt this much. Sitting here in French IV I’m bored as hell and so I stare out the window into the hallway. I know Brian has lunch this period and has French III next in the room a couple doors down (he doesn’t know I’ve memorized his schedule) and the boy never eats so he usually wanders down this hallway before the bell so one of my favorite pastimes is watching him. He doesn’t know I do it, but he’s always alone, until today. Seeing his beautiful face smiling down at her nearly ripped my gut out. Fuck, how many more ‘dirty little secrets’ does he have? Does he save her from hell and call her Sunshine too? Does he fuck her in bathrooms of movie theaters and whisper her name when he comes? Did he take her virginity on a muddy soccer field? Does he sing to her too? The same song? My head is spinning and I’m getting dizzier by the second. Before I pass out the bell rings and I grab my bag and run into the bathroom across the hall, throwing open the door of the first empty stall and falling down to the toilet, my stomach twisting, bile rising in my throat. Tears pour down my cheeks, mixing with my vomit. God how could I be so fucking stupid? Fall in love kid, this is what you get. Hurt. That’s all love will ever give you, whether its dieing on the floor in front of you or hugging in the hallway. It’ll fuck you over, every single time.