Hello My Patient Readers! Thank you for continuing to read this slowly updated story. A special thanks to all who take the time to email me or post a review. I really appreciate it. A huge thank you to Lois my amazing beta!! Hope you guys enjoy this. mouse Chapter 16 Fendi “What the fuck do you mean?” Melanie demanded. Michael held the phone away from his ear in order to save his hearing. “Stop yelling.” He warned. “I just said that I don’t think it’s right for JR to be in Canada with you unless Lindsay is there as well. I think you should both move back.” “What has Lindsay been telling you?” Melanie asked, obviously trying to regain control over the situation. “Melanie, it doesn’t matter what is going on between you and Lindsay. I hate that the two of you are apart, but more than anything I miss my daughter. When I agreed to let you move her away to Canada, it was so that you and Lindsay could live together like a real married couple—“ “It was so that your child could live in a place where she wouldn’t have to worry about people calling her parents’ names.” Melanie reminded him. “Or throwing bricks through their windows or blowing up—“ “Okay!” Michael shouted into the receiver, clearly exasperated. “You’re right but I also wanted her to have two parents and now she only has you.” He sighed in frustration. This was not going as he had hoped but then pretty much nothing had gone the way he’d hoped with Melanie since the moment of conception. “Don’t you miss Gus?” His voice softened, letting go of his frustration, he focused instead on some common ground he might use to make his case. “That’s a stupid question. Of course I miss him.” Melanie’s voice was harsh but then her cadence slowed as her thoughts lingered over the empty place in her heart. It had already been more than a month, too long for Gus to be away. When she spoke again her voice was soft and reminiscent. “ I think of him all of the time and—“ “Exactly.” Michael quipped, catching Melanie off guard. “Nice shot.” She spat. “No.” Michael quickly clarified. “It wasn’t about hurting you. It was about trying to get you to see my side, Melanie. I miss my daughter.” She was quiet for a long moment. Michael cleared his throat, wondering what tack to take next. “You could come back. I’m sure you could find a job here. You and JR could stay with Ben, Hunter and me until you found a new place.” There was a sigh on the other line. “Michael,” She began then stopped, clearing her throat once more. “It’s okay that it didn’t work out. You tried. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I could call Jennifer. She could start looking for a house for you and JR.” He offered. “Well, unless she has to find a place for Justin but I’d think he would be moving back in with Brian.” Michael rambled. “What about Justin?” Melanie asked in confusion. “He realized how much he missed Brian when he was in New York, so he came back.” To Michael’s surprise Melanie began laughing on the other end of the line. “What’s so funny?” He asked in confusion. “Justin’s back?” The brunet asked, clearly amused. “Yeah, he’s at—“ “Brian’s?” Melanie completed his sentence for him. “That’s too funny.” “What funny about it?” Michael felt defensive but wasn’t sure why. “I bet Lindsay loves the fact that Justin finally caught on to her little scheme. Lindsay isn’t as altruistic as everyone believes, Michael.” Melanie confessed. “I didn’t put it together until she started packing her bags, but then it all started falling into place.” “What are you saying?” Michael started hearing Lindsay’s words echoing in his head. Could it be true, he wondered. “New York was a good opportunity for Justin but that wasn’t the only reason Lindsay pushed him to go. I found out she actually talked Brian into siding with her on the issue.” Melanie sighed. “Now that I think of it, it was right after she had her little chat with Brian that he and Justin called off their commitment ceremony.” “She wouldn’t do that. She knows how happy Justin makes Brian. She wouldn’t come between them like that.” Michael defended, but even as he spoke the words, he could feel the truth of Melanie’s speculation falling into the place. “Would she?” “She’s a princess, Michael. Her parents had always served up all of her dreams on a silver platter until she came out. Ever since then she’s been trying to earn her way back into their good graces. I can’t believe how blind I’ve been.” The woman admitted in disgust. “She never got over Brian. I knew that the moment I met him. I knew it when she insisted that he be the father of our first child. I knew it every time she ran to him for money or emotional support. I knew it every time she defended him. I knew it when she was pushing Justin to New York and when she was driving away from our home in Canada.” She sighed. “Do you still love her?” Michael asked, hoping it was the right question. “Yeah. I still love her.” Melanie admitted without hesitation. “Then come back.” He encouraged. “Win her back.” “There’s no winning her back, Michael.” Melanie suddenly sounded so tired. “How could I win her back when I don’t really believe I ever really had her to begin with.” ,,,,,,, Brian dropped Justin off at his mother’s then took Gus to spend the afternoon with Debbie. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” She asked furrowing her brow. “Yes.” Was the simple answer, “And no.” Brian added with a knowing smirk. Debbie huffed a laugh as she pulled out a box of toys she kept for Gus and JR . “You going to tell her to go back to my granddaughter?” Debbie’s anger was obvious. “Nope.” Brian shook his head as he watched his son dig into the train set. “I’m going to remind her of some facts about the birds and the bees then encourage her to move on and get a life. I don’t want her heading back to Canada. I don’t want my son to ever be that far away from me again.” He glanced up, meeting Deb’s gaze. “I’m hoping Michael will convince Melanie to bring JR back as well.” “He spoke with her.” Deb offered. “He wasn’t sure how it went. Melanie’s so damn stubborn.” “She’s a hard nut to crack, but once she swallows her pride, she’ll come back. It makes sense.” Deb nodded, hastily wiping her eyes. She hoped Brian was right. She ached to hold her granddaughter. The little girl was growing up without knowing Debbie at all. “I miss my granddaughter.” She offered, her voice hoarse as she handed Gus a piece of track for the train set. “Then go see her.” Brian encouraged the woman. “Did you see Ben? I think they are going to release him later today.” Deb cleared her throat. “Hunter’s been here with me. He always gets a little down whenever Ben has a bad spell.” “Understandable.” Brian assured her. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t take a weekend and go see your granddaughter. If it’s about money…” Deb waved his offer away with a smile. She furrowed her brow as he put his wallet back in his pocket then broke into a wide knowing smile. “You’re different. I can certainly tell that Sunshine is back.” She pronounced. “That obvious?” Brian quipped, unable to keep the slight upturn in the corners of his mouth. “Yep, happiness usually is.” She hugged him once more. “Go fix this and if you talk to Melanie, tell her she can always stay here if she needs to.” “Tell her yourself.” He offered as he stepped toward the door. “See ya in a little while, Sonny Boy.” “Bye Daddy.” Gus called back, warming Brian’s heart in a way that only Gus could. ,,,,, “Why don’t you come with me?” Justin offered. “To Chicago?” Jennifer was clearly considering it. Justin smiled as he sipped his tea. “I haven’t been there in years.” “We’d have fun. The gallery is paying for my room. I have to attend a reception and then a dinner with a few of their most generous patrons.” He watched the woman closely. “Don’t you want Brian to come?” Jennifer furrowed her brow. “He can’t right now. Lindsay and Gus are staying with him. She is supposed to go back to Canada at some point.” Justin’s voice trailed off, causing Jennifer’s brows to rise expectantly. Justin shook his head slightly, debating if he was ready to share his suspicions with his mother. After a moment he continued. “Brian doesn’t want to miss any time with Gus.” Justin took another sip. “What aren’t you telling me?” Jennifer pressed. Justin feigned innocence but quickly recognized that his mother wasn’t buying any of it. “Okay, so the way I see it, Lindsay is in love with Brian.” Justin announced, pausing for a moment as his mother rushed out a series of questions. He ignored them for the moment and continued on. “She’s using some phantom illness in her family to test the waters. She has made it very clear that she thinks my returning to Pittsburgh will mark the beginning of my fateful slide into obscurity.” Justin worried his lip. Jennifer didn’t like to see her son concerned but it was obvious that he was on some level. She filed his insecurity away to discuss later. “What else?” Jennifer took another sip of her own cup, trying to hide her disbelief. “She’ll use Gus.” Justin glanced up, meeting his mother’s steady gaze. “She’ll use him if she has to.” “Use him for what purpose? I’m not following you, Justin” Jennifer shrugged. “To convince Brian that they should be together.” Jennifer burst out in laughter until she noted the serious expression on her son’s face. She cleared her throat then immediately sobered. “This is Brian “Fucks Anything with a Dick” Kinney we are talking about, right?” She ventured. Justin rolled his lips into this mouth and gazed down for a moment before looking up into his mother’s eyes. “Yes, that’s who we are talking about, but there is more to life decisions beyond sexual preference.” He argued. “If Brian doesn’t love her…” “If? He’s queer Mom.” Justin laughed softly. “That isn’t going to change.” “Then what are you concerned about.” She pressed. “He has all of this guilt about being a shitty father. I told you about his own father being abusive.” Justin paused. Jennifer nodded. “Well, Brian is convinced he’ll be a terrible father too. All Lindsay has to do is tap into that guilt and Brian will do whatever she feels is best for Gus.” “Oh Justin, I think you are underestimating Brian.” She reached across the table to lay a reassuring hand upon her son’s. “Maybe. I just hope Brian doesn’t underestimate Lindsay.” He sighed then took another sip. “I’ll go.” Jennifer changed the subject. “I’ll see if Molly can come as well. She is spending more time with your father lately. Something I really am not at all sure is good for her. He remarried that woman and now she talks to Molly like they are sisters. It’s pathetic.” Justin couldn’t help but notice the way his mother smoothed the small wrinkles around her eyes with her fingertips as she spoke. “You look beautiful.” He offered. She huffed a small laugh then nodded. “Well, Tucker doesn’t seem to mind a wrinkle or two.” As if on cue, the young man walked into the kitchen. “I don’t mind a bit.” He leaned in giving Jennifer a lingering kiss. Justin glanced away, feeling strangely uncomfortable by the display. “Justin.” Tucker greeted him as he took the empty chair at the table. “What are we talking about?” “Chicago. I invited my mother to the opening. Of course you are invited as well.” Jennifer looked to the younger man expectantly. “I’d love to.” He met her gaze then turned back to Justin. “But you know how things are at St. James.” Justin nodded quickly, clearly not wanting to think about how things must still be at St. James. “If Molly can come that would be great, if not, maybe you and I can just have some mother/son time. It’s been a long time since we took in a gallery, just the two of us.” He offered softly. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Jennifer announced. “And don’t worry about Brian. I think you underestimate how much you mean to him. He did propose.” She argued. Justin nodded, enjoying the weight of the ring on his finger as he drifted back to those distant days. “I’m sure you’re right. I’m merely overreacting.” He smiled but neither Tucker nor Jennifer found his performance convincing. ,,,,, “Packing?” Brian was surprised to find Lindsay filling her second bag when he returned home. “Mom and Dad said that we could stay with them. It’s for the best, don’t you think, given Justin’s unexpected return?” She kept her voice light, hoping her body language wasn’t giving away how angry she was about this turn of events. “Gus loves Justin. Why don’t you let him stay…” “I don’t think so.” Lindsay cut him off. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth, considering the mother of his child. “Lindsay.” He sighed. “Don’t do this?” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his eyes fixed on the blond as she stiffly filled another bag. Why did she always push him this way, Brian wondered. Why couldn’t she just accept the truth and take what he had to give? “Do what? I’m not doing anything.” She tersely replied as she forced the overstuffed bag closed. “I’m merely making room for Justin. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Me out, Justin in?” “Don’t make this a popularity contest.” Brian warned. “Me? That’s ridiculous.” She opened the bag she’d been using for Gus’ clothes. “You know I love Justin. I might not agree with his decision to throw his future away but he obviously didn’t feel secure enough in his relationship with you to stick it out in New York.” Brian huffed another sigh as he helped Lindsay weld the two overstuffed pieces of luggage toward the door. “I can’t very well compete with him now that’s he’s back. No doubt his wealth of experience leaves my skills in that department sorely lacking.” “What the fuck are you talking about?” Brian stood between the blond and the rest of the loft. He furrowed his brow. “I’m just saying…” “That Justin is a good fuck which yes, he is, but what’s your point?” Brian challenged. Lindsay rolled her lips into her mouth trying to control her temper. “My point is that I can’t please you the way he can, I can’t offer—“ “I’m queer Lindsay or haven’t you noticed?” Brian’s eyes burned into hers. “There is absolutely nothing you could do to please me whether Justin is here or in New York.” “I know that. I’ve known you were gay almost as long as you’ve known it.” She argued(,) desperately wanting to change the subject. “Then what the fuck is this crap about Justin having an unfair advantage because he has a dick and you don’t?” Brian refused to let her off of the hook. “I’m not saying—“ “Yes, that’s exactly what you were saying. Did you honestly delude yourself into thinking that I would want to be with you?” His tone hurt more than the words as they landed a solid blow. It took the woman a moment to recover. “I know that’s not the only reason you like having him around.” Lindsay argued. “He’s bright and very attractive. I know he has a lot of good qualities. I’ve often thought he and I were alike in a lot of ways.” “This isn’t about Justin, Lindsay.” Brian decided that it was time to change the subject. “This is about you being here and Melanie being in Canada. Why are you back or better yet, why did you really leave?” “Daddy is sick.” Lindsay argued. “Nice try, but I’m not buying it. Why?” Brian ignored the excuse about her father. He doubted that the man was ill at all. “My father—“Lindsay watched as Brian pulled out his cell. “Let’s call the hospital and check on him then.” Lindsay glanced from the phone to Brian’s steady gaze. She finally conceded with a shrug. “It wasn’t working.” Lindsay offered, hoping it would be enough to end this uncomfortable exchange. “Why? How do you leave, a happy couple in the Spring, then less than a year later you’re back and alone? What changed?” Brian reached out, placing his hand on her shoulder. She leaned into his touch. The warmth of his touch filled her arm then moved toward the center of her body. “Nothing changed.” She offered softly, turning away from him. “It had been difficult for years. I just got tired of fighting with Melanie about everything.” Brian moved up behind her, placing his arm around her chest causing her to lean back into his chest. Lindsay fought the moan that raced up her throat as she felt the warmth of his chest against her. She focused on the feel of the hard, strong body behind her. “Lindsay, do you have any idea how much you mean to me?” His voice vibrated through her body causing a slight shiver to run up her spine. “I hate to see you unhappy.” “Brian.” She whispered then turned suddenly, her lips meeting his. Brian opened his mouth to protest but found it now filled with Lindsay’s tongue as she deepened their kiss. Moaning loudly, her body moved passionately against his, forcing a natural reaction to strategically applied friction.. “Don’t fight it.” She whispered, feeling his erection grow against her stomach. “It’s okay. No one has to know.” She persisted. Brian was shocked at the speed by which he’d lost control of the situation. Reaching up, he dislodged the blond from his body. “No.” He demanded, stepping away to create distance and gain more perspective. “Try it.” Lindsay persisted. “Just one more time. Have sex with me.” She begged as she continued to seek out his lips. “No.” He demanded, forcing her hands away from his body. “This isn’t going to happen. I’m queer Lindsay, but more than that, I’m in love. I’m in love with Justin.” Lindsay caught her breath, then after a moment, laughed loudly. “You’re in love?” She laughed again. “What?” Brian demanded. “What’s so fucking funny—“ “You aren’t in love with him. You don’t know how to love anyone!” She spat. “Oh, I’m sure that you enjoy his willingness to eat your shit, all the while smiling and telling you how fucking good it tastes.” She felt tears fill her eyes as she fought against the humiliation which rushed through her. “That’s not true—“ Brian defended his feelings. “I love Justin.” “Right. That’s why you walked away from the altar. That’s why you shared him with how many men at the baths. How many times did you stand here in this loft and watch another man fuck him?” Lindsay accused. “That’s not love Brian. That’s lust.” “It is love.” Brian defended, suddenly finding himself filled with doubt. “Keeping telling yourself that Brian. Maybe you’ll really believe it. Maybe even Justin will believe it, but at some point you’re going to fuck him over and unlike me, he will leave you and this time he won’t come back.” She warned. “You think you can recover from that?” Brian hesitated just long enough to raise Lindsay’s hopes. “With me you will always have Gus. With Justin, well, you will have a good blow job and the constant worry when something better might come along.” “It won’t be like that. It isn’t like that now.” Brian argued, hating how off balance he suddenly felt. “How long to you think someone like Justin will be interested in you? He’s 12 years younger Brian. He’s not in this for the long haul—“ “He loves me.” Brian spat. “You don’t—“ “Of course he thinks he loves you, but when opportunity knocked he walked away. It’s only a matter of time Brian.” Lindsay smiled sympathetically. “There will be another Fiddler, it’s not about if he’ll betray you again but when. I just worry that when that day comes, what are you going to do? Your best years will be gone, your son grown with no real relationship with you, Michael spending time being a father to JR and Hunter.” She paused letting her words sink in. “And you’ll be alone.” Her voice was soft and convincing. Brian remained silent. He didn’t know what to say. He found some of her words very probable. Lindsay used Brian’s silence to press her advantage. Moving to his body she reached down and deftly unbuttoned the front of his jeans then lowered herself to her knees. “No one has to know Brian.” She whispered as he pulled out his member and began working it with her hand. “It’s our little secret for now.” She took him into her mouth smiling as she did so, realizing Justin would be returning any minute. ….. “You look tired.” Michael observed as he handed Justin a soda. Justin accepted it with a yawn. He was tired. He’d had another strange dream the night before which had left him in a near full blown panic attack when he’d awakened. With Lindsay and Gus in the other room, Justin had found he had no where to escape the lingering phantoms of the dream. He spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning, trying not to think about the sensations of the hands holding him down, smug laughter or the sharp pain of a needle piercing his arm. “Justin?” Michael furrowed his brow, clearly concerned by the blond’s silence. “I didn’t sleep.” Justin shrugged off his friend’s inquiry. “Brian keeping you up?” Michael teased. “Always.” Justin smirked, hoping to convince Michael that he was fine. Michael hesitated for only a moment then reached for a legal pad on the far side of the table. “It’s a good thing you are back.” He smiled. He’d been surprised when Justin had shown up at the house to check on Ben. The blond was a sight for sore eyes. “So, I have a few story ideas but I need to come up with a new villain.” Michael rushed excitedly “Frankly, I’m out of ideas.” He admitted, refusing to meet the steady blue eyes. Justin furrowed his brow as he reached for a pencil. “How about Bleach Blond Bitch?” He offered. Michael leaned back in his chair giving the younger man a knowing look. “What?” Justin quipped innocently. “Trouble with Lindsay?” Michael asked smiling slightly. “A little.” Justin rolled his eyes then nodded. “She’s just worried about your art career.” Michael offered as he added Justin’s concerns with Melanie’s. “You don’t really believe that shit do you?” Justin laughed, though there was no humor in it. “Yeah.” Michael nodded leaning forward then sighed. “I don’t know. “Why? You don’t believe she has your best interest at heart?” “She wants Brian.” Justin shrugged. “She’s going to make him choose.” Michael laughed at that, relaxing slightly. “I’ve known Brian for a long time. He’ll choose you, trust me. I’ve never seen him ever pick a woman over a man.” “Not between me and Lindsay, Michael.” Justin murmured, tapping his pencil on the table. He was silent for a moment before glancing up to meet the older man’s gaze. “ Between Gus and I.” He sighed. “Brian will choose Gus and he should, but it’s so unnecessary. I love Gus. He’s happy with Brian and I.” Justin held Michael’s gaze. “What are you talking about?” Michael shook his head. It couldn’t be true, he considered silently. Even if Lindsay was in love with Brian, she would never ask him to choose between his son and Justin. “She’s been in love with him forever. She wants him. Lindsay is good at getting what she wants.” Justin began idly drawing one of the layouts. “What happened?” Michael watched the pencil fly over the paper as an evil Lindsay began taking shape. “Who do you think told Brian about the article about my show? Who do you think convinced us that if I didn’t go to New York, we’d wind up resenting each other?” Justin darkened the shadows around the diabolical blond’s eyes. “Now she’s trying to use Gus to get me out of the loft. She doesn’t want Brian and I to have him for any extended period of time without her being present.” “No way.” Michael couldn’t believe his ears and yet he’d felt a nagging sense that something wasn’t right when he’d spoken to Lindsay a few days before. “Way.” Justin sighed, continuing to work. “Last night we were fucking and I think she was watching us.” Justin glanced up. “She would never—“ “I saw her.” Justin was dead on certain. “She was in the living room, sitting in the dark, but I could see her hair from the moonlight coming through the windows. She sat there and watched us.” “Creepy. Did you tell Brian?” Michael worried his lip. “No.” Justin picked up Michael’s notes and started reviewing them. “What’s the point? It would have just cause another fight which is just what she wants.” “You want me to talk to him?” Michael offered, unsure of what to say. “I have to go to Chicago in a week.” Justin swallowed. “I need you to watch Lindsay while I’m gone.” He sighed. “I don’t trust her.” “Okay.” Michael agreed. “I can’t believe she would use Gus for power over Brian.” The brunet shook his head. “Brian is so different when Gus is around. I know he missed him. I can’t stand being away from JR. I think of her all of the time but it isn’t enough.” “Have you talked to Mel—“ “She isn’t one for compromising or admitting when she was wrong.” Michael bit his lip in frustration. He felt so powerless. “Neither am I but look where I am.” Justin offered his support. Michael gladly accepted it. He missed his baby girl and needed all the hope he could find. “Maybe you should talk to Melanie.” Michael suggested. “About changing her mind?” Justin was confused by the suggestion. “No, about Lindsay.” Michael offered. “I think she might have some ideas of how to protect your relationship with Brian.” Justin saw something in Michael’s eyes that told him the older man knew something he wasn’t yet sharing. “I’ll give it a try. What do I have to lose?” He sighed as he sat back and stared at the image of an evil Lindsay hovering over a dying JT. Both men knew the answer to his question but neither wanted to admit it. ….. “Hey Teddie!” Emmett greeted his best friend with a kiss to each cheek. “Whatcha doin’? He asked, staring past the brunet to the stack of VHS tapes piled on the coffee table. “Oh Teddie, not porn again.” He sounded worried. “No, well yes.” Ted excused. “I’m watching it for Brian.” Emmett raised one brow at that, clearly unconvinced. Ted laughed uneasily then shook his head forcing himself to relax. After all he hadn’t done anything wrong. He truly was watching the tapes for Brian. “These were all in a box I found when I was disposing of Sap’s shit he left behind in Babylon. I told Brian I’d go through it. I found these tapes and I’ve been trying to see what Sap was up to.” “What did you find?” Emmett enthused, moving toward the couch in curiosity. “Some sick stuff.” Ted admitted. “Really?” Emmett cooed then sobered slightly. “I mean, really.” “Do you want to screen the rest of the tapes with me?” Ted offered. “I’d love to.” Emmett quickly took a seat and handed Ted a tape from the pile. Ted smiled as he switched it out with the one he’d watched. This was the 8th tape Ted had watched, each one a little more sadistic and disturbing. As the screen image changed from static to images, Ted explained, “At first I was going to just toss the tapes but on closer inspection I noticed some had names on them and I wanted to see what was on them. I was always curious what Sap was into. He was such a sleaze.” “Anyone we know?” Emmett asked, staring at what looked like a party on the screen. The camera moved nauseatingly. “I recognized a couple of dancers from a few years back but that’s it.” He offered. “The rumors about Sap forcing the dancers to suck him off to gain access to the bar are now confirmed.” Ted assured his friend. “He was a sick fuck.” Emmett offered, trying to recognize any of the men on the tape that were milling about the room. “The last one I looked at was a bit more disturbing.” Ted confessed. “The man that was being used seemed drugged and unaware of his involuntary participation.” Ted shuddered. The tape had brought back more than a few disturbing memories from his own past. After watching, he’d actually gotten sick in his bathroom. Ted omitted this part of the story, not wishing to worry his friend. He had already called his sponsor and was planning to attend a 12 step meeting later. “Are you going to turn these over to the police?” Emmett asked. “Was it rape?” “I think it was.” Ted nodded. “What was the label on this one again?” Emmett asked moving to the edge of the couch as he concentrated on the faces before him. “BKFB.” Ted offered nonchalantly, as he too searched the tape for any sign of illegal behavior. “These are dancers. I recognize them from a few years back.” Emmett murmured. “Oh my Gosh, Ted.” Emmett’s voice was filled with disbelief. Ted’s eyes were glued to the same image. He wanted to say something but couldn’t. His mouth had suddenly gone dry. “Do you see?” “Yes.” He finally managed. “Is that?” Emmett whispered. Ted swallowed hard before answering. “Justin.”