Thanks to everyone who sent me feedback! It was great to hear from you all and your comments,as always, kept me typing and gave me great insight into the story! I appreciate you so much! My goal is to have this story rated as five stars. Your feedback helps me get there! A special thanks as always to my amazing beta Lois! Chapter 14 Caterpillar “We have the Blow-N-Go people coming in at three.” Cynthia offered, placing the boards on Brian’s desk as her eyes moved to the next item on his daily calendar. “And you have a lunch tomorrow with the owner of Imagine Art Center?” She raised an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. Brian ignored her interest as he took his schedule from her and perused the remaining meetings. “Cancel Bar-B-Q Barn.” He commanded as he handed the list back to his assistant. “I ate there last week and it’s for shit.” “What’s that Bri?” Ted asked as he entered with a stack of checks needing signatures. “Bar-B-Q Barn.” Cynthia explained. “Oh, I ate there last week with Blake, we were both sick all night, which sucked with only one bathroom. We had to take turns.” Ted agreed. Brian gave his head a slight shake. “Well, I could have gone all day, no for the rest of my life, without that image.” Brian sighed, picking up the story board for the Blow-N-Go ads. “I thought we agreed on blue.” He glanced up at Cynthia. “Ken said yellow.” She offered. “He’s the artist.” She shrugged. ”Yes, and I’m the boss.” Brian handed the board back. “Tell him to fix it.” Cynthia winked at Ted then turned to leave. Brian was more himself today than he’d been in weeks. She didn’t care why, as long as he continued to come out of the funk he’d been in for months. Over the years she’d spent working with Brian, Cynthia had seen him both up and down. He had seemed the happiest when he and Justin were together. His lowest moment had been the months since Justin’s move to New York. She knew things were better now. Justin was calling again and Brian was actually taking those calls. She found herself hoping for some reconciliation but hadn’t worked up the courage yet to pry. “Payroll and a couple of large expenses that need your signatures.” Ted offered as he placed the checks on Brian’s desk. He kept a close eye on his friend. “Have you heard anything from Michael?” Brian continued to sign as he responded. “I saw him last night. Ben was doing better. Last I heard, they might release him in a day or two.” Brian muttered as he signed. “This is exactly what I feared when they first met.” Ted glanced off at no particular point on the wall. “I was afraid he’d get attached and then Ben would die and leave Michael devastated.” Brian glanced up. He’d voiced similar concerns at the time as well. “Well, Ben hasn’t died and Michael isn’t devastated, so I’d say your fears are yet to be realized. Besides, you were more worried about Michael getting infected and that hasn’t happened. You didn’t seem too worried about infection when you were on crystal, offering it up to---“ “Okay, okay.” Ted conceded. “I don’t need a lecture. I know I got fucking lucky. I just don’t want to see Michael hurt.” ”Well, why not?” Brian handed the checks back. “What do you mean ‘why not’?” Ted furrowed his brow. “He’s your friend—“ “Ted, we all get hurt. We’ve all been hurt. There is nothing wrong with being hurt. Better to be hurt than to live in fear. We’re queer; we survive.” Brian waved him away. Ted remained by his desk. “How’s Justin?” He asked, aware of how much Justin’s absence was still affecting his boss. “The lad is fine. He’s making his mark in the Big Apple.” Brian replied as he picked up a new file. “You miss him. You should go see him.” Ted suggested, realizing he was risking Brian’s wrath. “You should mind your own business. We’ll see each other when we can.” Brian kept his eyes on the file as Ted moved toward the door. “Oh, Theodore.” Brian stopped him before he left. “Have you heard from Melanie?” “She called the other day.” Ted shrugged. “She asked about Lindsay, if I’d seen her. Why?” “No reason.” Brian turned back to his work. “She did ask about whether or not I thought they should move back.” Ted added. “They?” Brian glanced up curiously. ”She and Lindsay.” Ted clarified. Brian nodded. ”What did you say?” “I said we missed them and yes, they should if they aren’t happy in Toronto.” It was sound advice. Brian didn’t respond, his mind wrapping around all that Ted had just revealed. “I’ll see if Ken has your board ready.” Ted offered then disappeared through the door. Brian turned his attention back to the file but his mind was miles away. …… “I know that Mother.” Lindsay spat into the phone as she offered Gus his PB and J. “Well, I don’t want to stay at your house. I’m perfectly fine where I am. Brian—“ She sighed then took a deep breath, “Yes, Mother, Brian is the person I am staying with. Yes, the man from college, Gus’ father. I don’t know.” She sighed, realizing it had been a mistake to call her mother. She just didn’t know who else to call. The sound of the door opening caught her attention. “Jus!” Gus called as he bolted for the door. “Mother, I’ll have to call you back.” Lindsay turned the phone off as she moved to follow her son. “Justin?” She watched as the blond met her gaze. “Lindsay.” There was a cool tension between them. They’d had a heated argument at the beginning of Justin’s stay in New York. Neither felt completely sure where they stood at the moment. They’d buried the hatchet but still there seemed to be something unspoken between them. Lindsay hoped it was her imagination. “What are you doing here?” Lindsay ventured, aware of the uncertainty in her voice. She cleared her throat. Justin released the little boy and picked up his bag once more. He hesitated for a moment, clearly scrutinizing the woman before moving past her toward the bedroom. “I was going to ask you the same thing. I heard your Dad was having surgery. Wasn’t that supposed to be over by now?” His tone was conversational but Lindsay could have sworn he was being a little catty with her. “My father is having surgery. It was postponed.” Lindsay offered nervously as she watched Justin begin to unpack. “Don’t you have a show coming up in Chicago?” She glanced at her son who had followed Justin into the bedroom and was busy offering the blond each one of his new toys. “Is he okay?” Justin offered, ignoring her follow up, as he handed one figure back to Gus then stood, holding Lindsay’s gaze. She could feel his eyes accessing her. She fidgeted in spite of herself. “Yeah, he’ll be fine.” Lindsay moved up to the bedroom. “Brian didn’t say anything about your coming.” She offered. “I hope Gus and I won’t be in the way. I would have worked out something else--” “Brian doesn’t know.” Justin was back to unpacking, pausing from time to time to tickle Gus. “And I’m always glad to see Gus.” He paused, then looked over, meeting her gaze once more. “It’s good to see you Lindsay.” He broke the tension. She released the breath she’d been holding and relaxed a bit. “It’s good to see you too.” She smiled. “I’m just a little surprised to see you. I heard things were going well in New York.” ”They are.” Justin pulled off his sweater and tossed it on the bed as he straightened the t-shirt he was wearing beneath. “They were.” He admitted. “I just don’t want to be there anymore. I’m struggling to create. I don’t feel inspired.” He shrugged then turned back to finish unpacking. Lindsay felt her concern deepening as he spoke. ”So?” She laughed but there was no humor in it as she furrowed her brow. “Are you moving back?” Something about the incredulous tone of her voice struck a nerve with the artist. “Yes, I’m moving back.” He stopped unpacking and turned to face her. “Do you have a problem with that?” “Justin,” She shook her head as her voice took on a motherly tone. “This is your big chance. I thought you understood that.” ”I love Brian. I thought you understood that.” Justin replied firmly. “I belong here.” “You belong in New York. This is your chance.” Lindsay reiterated. “Lindsay, we’re done with this.” He announced. “I realize that you believe that New York is my one shot at fame and fortune. I get that. I appreciate your concern but this is my life and New York is not my one shot at happiness. Brian is my happiness, or most of it. I don’t want New York as much as I want Brian.” “Brian?” Lindsay laughed, “Brian Kinney? The man who is probably out fucking someone else at the moment?” Justin narrowed his eyes and set his jaw, studying the woman for a long moment. “He’s at work.” He assured her. “Not that I would care if he were out fucking someone.” It was a lie but he had to know what was going on before he said any more. “Lindsay, let’s not do this okay? We’re friends. I’ve told you what I want and I think you should respect that, support that. Weren’t you the one who always thought Brian and I should be together?” “Justin, you’re young. Brian is much older and he’s set in his ways. You don’t even have ways yet, you don’t know what you like, don’t like, want or don’t want.” She offered sweetly. “You need time and space to grow up and experience the world.” ”Lindsay!” Justin paused, reining in his temper. Lindsay seemed shocked that Justin had raised his voice to her. “Enough.” He took a deep breath. “I’m taking a shower.” He grabbed some clean clothes off the bed and headed into the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower.” Gus mimicked and headed for the bathroom door. Justin knelt down and ruffled mini Brian’s hair. “After me.” He offered. “Then you.” Gus was about to protest but then remembered his favorite show was about to come on the television. Lindsay watched as Justin disappeared into the bathroom. She sighed as she turned back to the kitchen. Things had just gotten a lot more complicated. ……… “Will you stop yelling? I can’t hear you anyway.” Brian argued. “Why did she say she was leaving?” He paused, holding the phone away from his ear. “I’m putting you on speaker.” He announced as he hit the button. “not that you give a shit about my daughter. I should have known the moment I met you what the deal was. I was just too fucking stupid to realize that she was permanently under the Kinney spell.” Melanie sighed. “What is it about you that causes people lose their fucking minds?” “Can we get off me and talk about you and Lindsay?” Brian asked, rubbing his ear. Melanie had practically destroyed his hearing when he’d first called her. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, you selfish prick. You are the reason she’s there. We had this fight. I don’t know where it came from but she started talking about how much safer she felt when we were in the Pitts because she could always count on you. Gus could count on you.” Melanie paused to catch her breath, giving Brian a chance to jump in. “So it was about money?” He queried. “No, Jeez are you this fucking stupid. How can you not see what’s going on?” Melanie demanded. “Look Melanie, Lindsay is here because of her father’s surgery.” Brian offered, wishing he could get through all the shit and just get some answers that weren’t steeped in loathing. “Mr. Peterson is having surgery?” Melanie asked, sounding sincerely surprised. “Yes, it was supposed to be a few days ago but I think Lindsay said it had been postponed or something.” Brian offered. “But she brought so much stuff—“ “All of her stuff.” Melanie assured her. “She left me. She’s gone and I haven’t heard from her. I don’t care if I do.” Brian knew it was a lie. He was surprised to find himself feeling sorry for the other woman. He knew it would drive Melanie crazy to think that he pitied her which made it more palpable. “So you guys are separated again.” He sounded weary. “Don’t sound so fucking smug. Like you have a fucking clue how hard it is to be in a long term relationship.” She argued. “As a matter of fact I do.” Brian offered. “Not that you’d consider that.” “Justin?” Melanie laughed. “You think what you have with Justin is anything like what Lindsay and I have shared? We built a life, had a house and two kids.” She offered. “Yes, I do think Justin and my relationship counts and having two kids doesn’t mean dick when you just said you didn’t want to see her again.” Brian argued. “I just want some answers as to what the fuck is going on.” “None of your fucking business.” Melanie demanded. “I have a son in the middle of this shit so yes, despite your insistence that I’m not involved, I am involved. Gus is my concern. You and Lindsay can be as fucked up as you want, but when it starts impacting my son, then I’m going to get right in the fucking middle of this shit. I suggest you start giving a shit real quick about what happens with you and Lindsay because my next call is to Michael.” Brian disconnected the line, then hit the intercom. “Cynthia, get me Michael on the line.” ……………… “Who was that?” Ben asked as he shifted in the bed. The hospital sheets were rough and scratchy. He was ready to be home in his own bed. “Brian.” Michael sounded distracted. Ben sat up, keeping his eyes on his partner who was now nervously pacing by the windows. “Do you want to talk about it?” Ben asked, clearing his throat. Michael merely shook his head. “There you are!” Deb’s voice broke the tension in the room. Ben offered a weak smile as Michael continued to stare out the window. “Em! He’s in here!” She called down the hall. “Maw, people are trying to rest.” Michael groused as Deb moved toward the bed. “It’s almost five.” She dismissed his concern. “They’re eating their dinner.” She turned her attention back to Ben. “How are you feeling, Ben?” She cupped his chin as she placed a set of bright red lip prints on his forehead. Ben’s smile widened. “I’m much better.” He reported. ”Good. I brought you some food. I knew the shit in here would only make you sicker.” She laughed as she pulled a plastic take out carrier on the tray. Opening it up, she moved the tray closer. “Turkey meatloaf, it was really good today.” She smiled. Ben took the plastic fork from her hand and started eating. It was good and he felt better with something substantial in his stomach. He’d had enough broth to last him a lifetime. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Deb demanded as she took a closer look at her son. “Well, don’t you look better!” Emmett announced as he entered the room. “But that gown does absolutely nothing for your eyes.” Ben bit his lip, nodding. “I swear I will never understand why hospitals only select colors to make people who are already washed out look even more so.” “It’s good to see you Emmett.” Ben replied then returned to his food. “Are you going to answer me?” Deb asked, her eyes still riveted on Michael. “Nothing is the matter.” Michael lied. “Michael?” Emmett sounded concerned as well. He glanced at Ben who seemed much improved from what he’d heard. “Is this about Ben?” He followed up on Debbie’s concern. “No, Ben is better.” Michael sighed, then relented. “Brian called.” ”Brian.” Deb sounded exasperated. “No, it doesn’t have anything to do with Brian. It’s about JR.” Michael conceded, heading off an attack on his best friend. “Lindsay is here. Melanie is in Canada. Gus is with Lindsay. JR is still with Melanie. I thought Lindsay had just come to town for her father’s surgery, but it seems that she and Melanie are separated again.” “Oh no, they aren’t.” Deb spat. “Oh yes, they are.” Michael argued. “Brian tried talking to Melanie but she told him it wasn’t any of his business. He thought I should know.” Michael shook his head trying to figure out what he needed to do to protect his daughter. “Of course you should know. That’s my granddaughter caught up in that mess.” Deb agreed her body language mimicking her son’s. “I think you both should try to calm down.” Ben attempted reason. “Calm down?” Deb turned to the blond. “How am I supposed to calm down when my granddaughter’s life is turning to shit right before my fucking eyes?” “Now Deb, we don’t know what’s going on here. Brian made a phone call and Melanie probably said some things that she didn’t mean. It is Brian after all, and we all know there is no love lost between them.” Emmett interceded. “I need to call her.” Michael announced. “Maw, will you stay here with Ben until I get back?” Deb nodded as she took a seat in the chair next to the bed. “I’m fine here on my own.” Ben argued. “We know you are, but what’s wrong with a little company to lift your spirits.” Emmett offered as he sat on the far corner of the bed. Michael gave Ben an apologetic smile as he grabbed his cell and headed outside to get to the bottom of the situation. “I’m sure it will all be fine.” Emmett tried to reassure Debbie. ”I don’t know about that.” Ben sighed. “Me neither.” Deb agreed as they sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts. ………. Brian felt exhausted. He leaned back against the back of the lift and closed his eyes. Maybe Ted was right. Maybe he should go visit Justin. Things with Lindsay were complicated, work was hectic, but most of all he missed Justin. It was difficult being without him. Michael had made some excellent points on the roof of the hospital, but how could Brian possibly ask the blond to give up his dream and move back. It was selfish to even consider it and despite what the rest of the world believed, Brian knew he wasn’t selfish. He wanted whatever Justin wanted and he’d made Justin’s departure as easy as he could on the blond. Those first months had been the hardest as he adjusted to the realization that Justin would never be back. Now, he knew better. He knew that Justin wanted him. He knew they would be together even if that meant settling for sporadic weekends. It was better than nothing. The lift stopped and Brian pulled the grate aside. Brian would never openly admit to regretting his actions when he’d first met Justin. It had been five years ago. Justin had wanted to be close then, but Brian had kept him at a distance. Brian now mourned those lost opportunities when Justin had been available and Brian had failed to capitalize on the opportunity. Justin had known from the start what Brian had only recently admitted. They belonged together. Now time was a luxury they fought to share, but seldom had the chance to. Unlocking the door, he was met by a sudden charge of a six year old. “Dad!” Gus cried as Brian lifted him off the ground. “Hey there Sonny Boy.” He kissed his son’s neck and tickled his side. “Jus is here.” Gus offered pointing to the bedroom. Brian followed boy’s gaze and found a familiar blond leaning against the door way of the bedroom, their bedroom. He felt his throat tighten at the sight. “Hey.” Justin offered with a shy smile. “What are you doing here?” Brian managed as he placed Gus back on the ground as he moved steadily toward Justin. It didn’t matter what Justin was doing here. All that mattered was that he was here and not in New York. They met in the middle, lips hungrily seeking out the other’s, hands pulling, holding tight, refusing to let go. “What are you doing here?” Brian whispered over and over again as he continued to kiss the blond. Justin laughed softly as he broke away, looking down at the little boy who was pulling on his leg. “Daddy, Jus is watching TV with me.” He announced, then gave the blond a pleading look. “I’ll be right there Gus. You find the show and I’ll be right there, I promise.” Justin offered as he took Brian’s hand and led him up to the bedroom. “I think I’m not the only Kinney man who has a thing for blonds.” Brian teased. Justin pulled the older man into his arms and kissed him again, unable to get enough. Brian gave in, giving back all the attention he was receiving. “Jus!” Gus called. “I found my show.” Justin pulled free, hating to break the connection but not wanting to disappoint Gus. “What are you doing here?” Brian asked again, this time wanting an answer. “I’ll explain. I promise.” Justin smiled. “Not now though, go change and then come into the living room and sit with us.” Justin moved away, heading into the living area. Brian hated losing the physical contact. He hadn’t realized how desperately he had needed it. He decided to take a quick shower, then changed into jeans and a wife beater. He moved to the floor where he stretched out next to Justin. “I want answers.” He whispered against the blond’s neck. Justin shuddered as the warm breath tickled down his spine. “I’m sure you want more than just answers.” He batted his eyes at the older man. “I’ll explain.” “Shhhhh” Gus stared back at them. Justin bit his lip to keep from laughing. Brian realized he wasn’t going to learn anything until after Gus was down for the night so he opted not to fight it. Instead he grabbed a pillow from the sofa and wrapped his arms around Justin. He drifted off to the sound of his son’s laughter and the steady beat of Justin’s heart. ……………………….. “Lindsay.” Michael stood and met her as she entered Ben’s room. “Hi.” She kissed her friend then glanced over at Ben who was sleeping. “How’s he doing?” She ventured. “Better.” Michael assured her. “How about you?” “Oh, I’ve been better.” She offered. Michael gestured to the door and they both quietly stepped out into the hallway. “I’m so sorry Ben isn’t well.” Lindsay offered. Michael stared at her for a moment trying to decide how to approach the subject. He finally decided to be blunt. “Melanie thinks you are in love with Brian. She thinks you’ve always been in love with Brian and that you are only here because you think you want him.” Michael stood, taking in Lindsay’s shocked reaction. “You’re kidding, right?” She laughed nervously. There was something about that laugh Michael didn’t trust, but this was Lindsay. She was the rock, the compassionate friend to everyone. She did the right thing most of the time anyway. “I’m just telling you what Melanie thinks.” He offered. ”Why were you—“ “Brian called me today. We are both concerned for our children.” Michael replied. Lindsay could tell by his stance that he was serious. “Brian called you? He’s concerned.” She weighed the information carefully. Michael nodded, waiting. “This is news to me. He didn’t seem concerned about me coming. I’m here because of my father.” ”He told me that.” Michael replied. “He also told me that you brought a lot of luggage.” “Well I didn’t know how long I would be here and I was right.” She seemed relaxed. Michael relaxed along with her. “What about what Melanie said about you leaving her for Brian.” “I didn’t leave Melanie for Brian. I left Melanie because she’s impossible to be with. She has higher standards the longer I know her. No matter what I do, I never get it right. Not to mention the fact that she bad mouths Gus’ father in front of him.” Lindsay offered “Did you tell her to knock it off? Michael asked, sincerely concerned for Gus. “Yes, but it doesn’t help. She doesn’t seem to care that Gus is now old enough to know that she’s talking about Brian. I can’t have him in that environment. “ She shrugged. “I was hoping I could get my old job back. I miss all of you and to be honest, the Canada thing just didn’t work very well. I never found a job that worked. Melanie is gone all of the time. She is in between work at the moment as well.” Lindsay looked down then up again. “Moving there was a mistake. It’s a more accepting environment but we sacrificed too much to be there. We lost our support system.” “Well, then you two should move back. Maybe get some counseling. With some help maybe Melanie might even accept that when she says ugly things about Brian that it hurts Gus instead.” Michael suggested with a shrug. “Melanie won’t come back.” Lindsay announced. “She won’t admit we made a mistake. She’ll stay there forever before she admits it was wrong.” “I don’t want JR in a foreign country with one parent.” Michael announced. “Then go after her.” Lindsay offered. “I brought my son with me. Surely you can get JR back or at the very least, have the courts force Melanie to come back into the country.” “I don’t want to go to court.” Michael looked away. “Plus, I have enough shit to deal with at the moment. I just want to see my daughter more often.” “I’m sorry Michael. I thought it was the right thing.” She offered. “I know.” She hugged him and he accepted the comfort of the woman’s arms. After a moment Lindsay broke the silence. “Did you know Justin is back?” “He’s back for a visit?” Michael smiled. “Good. I have some storylines I want to talk to him about.” “Not for a visit. He’s back. I watched him unpack his things. The rest is coming tomorrow.” She was surprised to see how happy this made Michael. “I bet Brian is thrilled.” Michael surmised. “Brian didn’t know. I mean he probably does by now, but Brian didn’t know.” She offered, then rolled her lips into her mouth. “What?” Michael asked, realizing the woman was upset about something. “It’s just this will mark the end of things for Justin.” She shrugged. “He was just making his place in the art scene and he comes running home to Brian. I just hope he doesn’t hate Brian for it later.” “Are you kidding? Justin could never hate Brian.” He laughed. “Oh I don’t know. Brian is older, set in his ways, Justin is young with his whole life ahead of him. He may not blame Brian now but give it ten years, ten years of being a nobody in the art world, we’ll see. “Lindsay predicted. “You’re worrying about nothing.” Michael argued. “I’ve seen it happen. I know the art world. Justin may think he’s saving their relationship but if he stays in the Pittsburgh it will be over.” Michael furrowed his brow. Could that be true he wondered. Could Justin resent Brian so much after a few years that their relationship could fall apart? It wasn’t as if they hadn’t had their share of rough spots. He sighed as he accepted another hug from the blond. “I have to run.” Lindsay announced. “I’ll be back to visit when Ben is awake. Love you.” She waved as she moved down the wall. Michael watched her go, wondering if he needed to try to convince Justin to go back to New York. He felt torn between his friendship with Brian and Justin. On one hand he could see how much Brian was missing Justin, but he knew how talented Justin was and what being successful meant to him. “Michael.” Ben’s voice pulled him away from his thoughts as he turned back to the room and his top priority.