Wow, what do you know? I updated! Guys I’m really missing this show. It use to be so much easier to write when I had the show to feed me each week. Now I find myself struggling to keep motivated. I still believe in Brian and Justin forever. I hope it won’t be so long before I update again. Thanks again to Lois my Amazing Beta! Thanks for not giving up on me Sweetie. Also to Aida, Daphne and Brother Jim for always being so encouraging and supportive! Thank you to all of my faithful readers who continue to check back inspite of the long delays! Hugs to all! Mel Your Mouse Chapter 13 ODM He felt a warm body slide up along his left side. Overwhelmed by the sensation his body felt as though every nerve was on fire. Hands, hot and demanding, touched him, stroked him, as his body reflectively arched up, it felt good, but wrong. He fought to open his eyes as his sense of alarm began to rise, but realized he couldn’t. He tried to cry out but when he opened his mouth nothing would come out, no word, no sound but he felt something enter. It was hard and smooth. He knew what it was as he fought to close his lips, to push the offending member out, but he couldn’t move his hands. Someone was holding them. Someone was restraining him, pinning him to the ground. He felt the panic attack rush over him as he struggled to breathe as he realized someone was stretching him, roughly. He could hear voices, laughter, slurred words as additional thick clumsy hands grabbed at him. Someone pulled his hair then forced the cock deeper in his mouth. He fought harder but knew it was no use. He heard a voice louder than the others, enjoying his pain and terror. “Sap.” Justin cried as he sat up panting. It took him a minute to realize where he was as he desperately scanned the darkness which surrounded him, trying to discern what was real and what lingered from his nightmare. Taking a shaky breath Justin wiped the sweat from his forehead, his hand trailing down his damp chest finally stopping when it reached the sheets which had pooled around his hips. “Fuck.” He sighed, the images of his dream fading even as he reached for them, trying to make sense of what he’d just experienced. It had felt so real, but how could that be? “Stress.” He concluded as he pushed off of his couch and headed for his cigarettes. Lighting one, he moved to the bank of windows and opened one. A cool breeze rushed in, moving over his skin managing to erase the last traces of his dream. Staring out in the darkness, Justin took a long drag off of his cigarette. The city seemed so peaceful at the moment. He watched as a truck unloaded flour at the corner bakery. He could hear the owner arguing with the driver and wondered what the problem could be. A sound drew his attention to the opposite end of the block where a woman was standing, leaning into a window of a Mercedes. Justin was struck by the way the streetlight surrounded her with a celestial glow. “Not exactly an angel.” He whispered as he reached for his sketch pad and began to rough out the image. The light wasn’t good but he didn’t really need to look at the paper, not at this stage. He knew what he was seeing and how to capture it. He had to work quickly; in a moment either the woman would disappear inside the car or the driver would move on. A moment later she opened the door and slide inside the front seat. “Shit.” Justin spat as he glanced down. He’d hoped to have more worked out but knew he could probably reproduce it from memory. He heard a sound from the loft next door. He wondered for a moment what Kate and Patrick could be doing but then decided that he didn’t really want to know. It was like those times when Melanie and Lindsay would make out in front of everyone. It was great that they loved each other but odd to watch them go after it that way. Justin had never felt any interest in learning about women. He’d done a favor once for Daphne but that’s all it had been, a favor. Looking back on it, he would never agree to do it again. It had almost ruined their friendship not to mention the sex had done little to nothing for him compared to being with Brian. Brian. He sighed as he continued to sketch. His fingers flew over the paper, filling in missing details as he began working on a variation of the image below the original. This one had the woman leaning on the car with the man standing beside her, his hand on her wrist holding her in place. She seemed to be struggling to pull free but couldn’t break the man’s demanding grip. It was obvious what the man wanted. It was merely a matter of---- Justin dropped the pad and pencil as he heard the man from his dream once more, but this time the words were clear. “Kinney’s boy toy, let’s play.” ……… “I’m feeling much better.” Ben offered as he coughed once more, the rattle deepening Michael’s concern. “You sound like shit.” Michael replied as he rose and got his lover another glass of water. ”Yeah, and you look like shit too.” Hunter added for good measure. Ben glanced at Michael then at Hunter, shaking his head. “You’re ganging up on me.” He accused. “You almost died.” Michael exclaimed. “Michael—“ Ben warned. “Okay, well maybe not, but you were really sick and it scared the shit out of me. If the doctors want to keep you here another day, that’s why we have insurance.” Michael announced, hands on hips. “You know he isn’t going to give in.” Hunter offered sincerely, causing Ben to laugh. The laugh evolved quickly into another coughing spell. “Okay.” Ben conceded, sliding further under the sheet. “I’ll do as the doctor asks. Satisfied?” He raised a brow. “No, but that can wait until we get you home.” Michael teased wiggling both his eyebrows and then turning to wiggle his butt as well. “Gross. Not in the hospital too.” Hunter groused. “It was bad enough that I saw you in the garage.” “You should have knocked.” Michael exasperatedly offered. “You should have used your bedroom or left a fucking tie on the door.” Hunter complained. “Fuck, I was just putting up my bike like you’ve hounded me to do for the last year.” “Thank you for putting up your bike.” Ben offered smiling. Hunter regarded the man as though he was about to shoot back some smartass remark but stopped, the veil falling from his face, as Ben clearly recognized how frightened the young man was. “I’m okay.” He assured the boy. “This time.” Hunter mumbled as he looked away trying to replace the façade. “And last time and more than likely next time.” Ben attempted to reassure the younger man. “Whatever.” Hunter dismissed him. There was nothing that Ben could say that would make him feel better about the situation. After all, he was living with the same anvil hanging over him day in and day out. “Hunter,” Michael began. “Your levels are good—‘ “Christ! I know!” Hunter spat as he launched into a rant. “I have great levels, I’m in high school, I have a job at the Diner, I just got my permit, just like every other normal American 17 year old that just happened to worked as a hustler and contracted AIDS!” “You don’t have AIDS. I don’t have AIDS.” Ben argued, then again was seized by a coughing fit. “Not yet but we will.” Hunter announced. “Hunter!” Michael admonished the teen. “Oh fuck this. I have a paper to write.” He stormed out of the room leaving Michael bewildered and overwhelmed. “He’s just scared for you.” Michael offered as he returned to his chair and took Ben’s hand. “No, that’s just part of it. More than anything he is afraid for himself. He has what could be a terminal illness.” Ben offered, clearing his throat. His voice was more congested though when he continued. “I think we need to find someone for him to talk to.” “You mean a counselor?” Michael asked in surprise. “Yes, maybe the GLC has someone.” Ben offered. “I’ll call.” Michael offered. “You think it would help?” “It couldn’t hurt.” Ben replied closing his eyes and laying his head back on the pillow. He felt so tired. Michael watched him wondering if he needed to make an appointment for himself as well. ……. “Coffee.” Brian opened one eye and spotted his son standing by his bed holding a cup. Brian squinted at the clock then back at his son. “Coffee.” Gus announced once more. “Thanks.” Brian took the cup noting that it was only half full. “Thanks for bringing it to me.” Gus smiled and moved out of the room. Brian took a sip. It was good, so he took a second sip before setting the cup on his nightstand. “How about some breakfast?” Lindsay offered as Brian rose and moved to his bathroom. She felt her cheeks redden. It had been a while since she’d seen Brian naked. She found herself watching him. He glanced up and met her gaze. She was startled and moved out of the bedroom. Brian furrowed his brow as he continued to the bathroom. “So when is the surgery?” He asked as he appeared once more with a pair of Levi’s hanging off of his hips. “It’s been postponed.” Lindsay announced. ”For how long?” Brian demanded, getting a sneaky feeling that he was being deceived. “Not sure.” Lindsay admitted as she continued to rush around his kitchen cooking. Brian watched her actions, missing Justin more by the minute. He always seemed so calm, so confident in the kitchen. Everything always looked as good as it tasted. Brian found himself remembering the time that he’d come into the kitchen to sincerely offer his assistance and they’d wound up fucking on the floor while dinner burned on the stove. ”Brian?” Lindsay interrupted his thoughts. “Did you hear me?” She continued, clearly irritated. “No.” Brian confessed as he filled his coffee cup once more this time to the rim. “I said that I’m sorry I was watching you just now. It’s just been a while since I’ve seen you like that.” Brian watched her carefully. “Whatever.” He offered, still watching her. She met his gaze then looked away. “Lindsay, why are you still here if you don’t know when the surgery is?” He questioned. “I know you said it was over with Melanie. Why don’t you start looking for a place to live if you are truly coming back?” He suggested. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I had such a great job here.” She began cooking the eggs. “Get another great job.” Brian took a seat next to Gus. He grabbed one of his son’s action figures and began attacking the one that Gus was holding. The young boy laughed and met the challenge. Lindsay found herself unable to look away. “I need to get my resume together.” She offered, never taking her eyes off of her son and his father. “Do it. Gus and I are okay here, aren’t we Gus?” Brian asked, surprised how intimidated he felt. He was so desperate to reconnect with his son. “Yep.” Gus replied giving his mother a nod. Lindsay smiled as she finished up the eggs. ”I’ll need your computer.” She confessed. “Fine.” Brian reached for the salt and pepper. “Great.” She smiled as she offered her son a plate of toast and eggs. “As soon as I find something that will work, we will be out of here.” Gus grabbed the salt and bumped his father’s elbow playfully as he did. Brian smiled and bumped him back. “Whenever.” He shrugged, surprised by his own reluctance to see Gus move out. “Thanks.” Lindsay’s smile broadened as she handed Brian his plate then took a seat next to him and began eating her own food. It felt right, the three of them being here, together. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this happy. … Kate opened her door and was surprised to find Justin stacking boxes outside his studio door. She furrowed her brow as she moved closer. “Justin?” She queried, hands extended in confusion. “What is this?” “I’m moving back home.” He offered. I’ve already gotten my other things from George’s. I just need to have these shipped and I’m gone.” He turned, disappearing inside his loft. “I don’t understand.” She followed him. “I thought you wanted to conquer the art world.” “So did I.” Justin admitted as he lifted a box and began moving back to the door, sidestepping his friend. “But I was wrong.” “You’re doing so well. You can’t bail now.” Kate was hot on his heels. She watched as he placed the box with the others before meeting her gaze. “I’m not bailing. I’m still going to paint. I just realized that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.” He looked away trying to decide how best to explain his feelings. “I miss him.” He emphatically declared. “I don’t want all of this if I can’t have him with me.” “Why can’t he –“ “Because he can’t, Kate.” Justin spat then softened. “He has his own business. He’s set up in Pittsburgh. I can paint anywhere.” “But New York—“ “Is New York and if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere. I was making it.” He smiled. “I was. I was on my way here, but I want more than this.” He shrugged. “I want Brian.” “So you’re just going to throw away the chance of a lifetime—“ “No!” He stopped her. “I’m not throwing anything away. I’m adding something. I’m adding something wonderful. I love him. I miss him. I want him. I want to be with him. How can you not get that?” He argued in frustration. “I get it.” She stated softly, reaching out to brush the blond hair out of her friend’s eyes. “I’m jealous.” She admitted. “You love him. He loves you. I don’t know what that kind of love is like.” “Kate—“ “No, I mean I’m in that loft with Patrick and I love him but—“ She looked away. “I’m sorry.” Justin pulled her into his arms. “I wish I could have helped. He did come on to me.” She pulled back meeting his gaze. “Well, so we scrap our evil plan. I doubt it would have worked. I mean Daddy is convinced he’s the man for me, so I guess I will just have to find a way to make the best of it.” Justin bit his tongue forcing the words back down his throat. Today was not the day for this argument. “You can come see me.” Justin smiled. “Pittsburgh.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure there is anything there that I’m dying to see.” She laughed. “You’ll miss me. You’ll want to come see me.” Justin offered. Kate nodded then took a deep breath trying to release her disappointment. “Can I help?” She asked looking around at the stack. “Nope.” Justin smiled. “I’m just wanting for the UPS guy.” “I could talk to my Father.” She offered. “I already have. I called him this morning. We’re good. Like you, he wishes I were staying in New York but understands that I have to be where I can create freely.” Justin sat on a stack of boxes. Kate joined him. “So you guys are cool?” She asked unconvinced. “Well, I ate a little plate of shit and he forgave my outburst. I did tell him I wouldn’t reverse my position on Patrick but I respected that he loved you and didn’t mean to question that fact.” Justin offered. “I also explained why his comment angered me so much, but that I was grateful for it. After all, it was one of the things that convinced me that I needed to get back to my real life.” “I’m going to miss you.” She leaned into his side. “I know, me too, you.” Justin put his arm around her shoulder and held her close. “I will come see you.” She promised. “Anytime.” Justin smiled kissing the top of her head as he tightened his hold on her arm. Kate closed her eyes reveling in the feel of Justin’s warmth. Brian was a lucky man. She hoped that he could appreciate what Justin was giving up for him. She hoped he would be worth it. Somehow she knew that he would. ………. He opened the drawer and pulled out the box, placing it on top of his dresser. He stared at it for a long moment debating what it was that he was doing. Rolling his lips in his mouth, he slowly opened the lid, revealing the remaining ring. “Brian?” Lindsay’s voice startled him. He glanced over, noting that her eyes were riveted to the box. She looked up meeting his gaze. “What are you doing?” She asked nervously. Brian considered her reaction as he turned his attention back to the box. He pulled out the ring and considered it. “I thought you two agreed that—“ “He’s wearing his.” Brian offered as he slid the platinum band on his left ring finger. “Justin is wearing a wedding band?” Lindsay laughed but then grew silent as Brian leveled a glare in her direction. “Weren’t you the one wailing about gay marriage? Didn’t you march in a parade to support it?” Brian asked as he closed the box and placed it back in the drawer. ”Well yes, but,” Lindsay fumbled, slightly flustered. “you can’t possibly compare your relationship with Justin with what Melanie and I have.” “Had.” Brian corrected. “Right? Weren’t you the one who arrive yesterday with everything but the kitchen sink? How many times have you and Melanie called it off?” “How many times have you and Justin?” Lindsay challenged. Brian considered her question. “Too many.” He admitted. “But that’s all behind us.” “Right.” She rolled her eyes as she moved back into the living area where Gus was glued to the television. “What’s your problem with it anyway? I thought you were the one harping at me over the last few years reminding me that Justin was what I needed, what I wanted?” Brian followed wanting to flesh out his suspicions. “He’s in New York.” Lindsay announced. “So?” Brian pressed. “So you can hardly consider yourself married when he isn’t even in the same state.” She argued. “At least he’s in the same country—“ “I get it!” Lindsay reeled around to face him. She glanced back over her shoulder to offer Gus a reassuring smile. “Everything’s okay Sweetheart.” She soothed. Gus glanced from his mother to his father then back to the television. Lindsay returned his attention back to Brian. “I realize that you are delighted by the fact that Melanie and I are having difficulties and yes, that our marriage might very well be over.” Lindsay’s voice was low and metered. “Delighted?” Brian moved closer so that she could make out what she was saying. “I don’t give a shit except where Gus is concerned. I don’t want him to come from a broken home but I’d rather he be from a broken home than from one that is on again- off again. Shit or get off the pot Lindsay. Either you love her or you don’t.” “I love her.” Lindsay rushed. “Then what the fuck are you doing sleeping on my floor?” Brian was dismayed. ”I don’t know.” She looked at the floor then met his gaze. “I really don’t know, Brian.” He noted the tears in her eyes as he pulled her into his arms. Lindsay collapsed into his strength. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so safe and protected. How could she begin to tell him all the reasons that she was now camping out on the floor of his loft? How could she possibly explain the feelings she’d been fighting for so long, feelings she no longer wanted to fight? She pulled back cupping Brian’s chin, staring deep into sympathetic hazel eyes. She’d never wanted to kiss him more than she did at that moment and yet knew it would be the worst thing she could possibly do. She resisted the urge, smiling instead. “Where would I be without you?” She asked softly. “Canada.” He declared. Her smile faltered only for a moment as she realized he was right. …………..