And…..I’m back! Relocated…hubby has a new job, we have a new home, new community. Everything’s new but me, same old me. It took forever to get an internet connection but now that I have it I’m back with MY community, my people!!! QAF forever! So……to those who are still reading my fics..thanks for your patience. Put out the word for anyone who would care that Mouse is back and her story isn’t abandoned. It was merely delayed by some serious real life drama. I feel like basking in my connectivity for a few minutes. Ahhh nothing like it! The knowledge that I can send an email to anyone, anytime, the friendly chirp of yahoo messenger telling me someone just IM’d me. Man, I love the internet! For all the prayers and emails of encouragement that several of you sent me over the last six months I want to express my deep felt gratitude. You will honestly never know how much the concern and support meant to me. I’m blessed to have such wonderful friends who don’t even really know me that well and yet have opened their hearts and truly care about not only my welfare but that of my family’s. You are an amazing group of people and I’ve missed you all very much! Lois you know you are at the top of this list! Thanks for the calls, emails and cards that you sent to keep my spirits up. It was such a wonderful gift of love and friendship. I’m blessed to know you. Thanks for always catching me when I stumble and fall. Now on with the fic….. Reread if you must, I know I had to, the first nine so that ten will make sense. Chapter 10 Citizen Kate hesitated as she pulled open the door to find Justin instead of the man she’d been expecting. “What are you—“ “Patrick’s on his way up.” Justin answered as he glanced past her into her loft. Kate stepped aside absently as she tried to gather her courage. “So, you want me here or should I just wait for you to come to me?” Kate stared at him for a moment then processed his question. “I want you here.” She offered. “I need moral support.” Justin had figured as much as he made his way into Kate’s kitchen to grab some water. “I was just on the phone with Brian. He thinks I should butt out.” Justin confessed as he met Kate’s gaze. They both heard the elevator outside in the hallway. “He’s here.” Justin stated the obvious. “Maybe you should go.” Kate felt her resolve slipping. “If that’s what you want.” Justin shrugged. “But I think if you don’t go through with breaking off the engagement, that you are doing what your father wants not you.” Kate heard Patrick’s key in the door and felt a sudden panic. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” She spat at Justin then turned back to the door just as Patrick entered. “How was the run?” She asked sweetly. “Exhausting.” Patrick offered, buzzing past her and into the kitchen. He pulled up short as he noticed Justin. “Well, look who’s back. Kate said you were mending fences in Pittsburgh. Work out everything with….” Patrick paused trying to recall the name. “Yeah.” Justin stepped up. “I did.” He glanced past Patrick and met Kate’s gaze. “Well I have to go.” He offered. “Later Kate.” Justin moved away from the other man. There was something very sleazy about Patrick Sloan. He reminded the blond of Sap. Justin suppressed a shudder as he opened Kate’s door to let himself out. No one elicited a more repugnant reaction from the blond than his old boss; with the exception of Hobbs. “I’ll call you later.” Kate called, feeling embarrassed by her lack of spine. She knew she needed to end things with Patrick. She knew he was in it for the money and that he was relying on her desperate need for her father’s approval to keep the current arrangement. Kate knew it was her father’s disappointment and not disinheritance that kept her quiet. Patrick wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. “I have to go back out.” He announced. “Tonight.” He added after finishing his drink. “Where are we going?” Kate asked brightly. “We?” Patrick smiled, pulling her close then releasing her. “We aren’t going anywhere. Rob is moving to a new apartment. It’s a couple of blocks away.” He offered. “I can come help pack or whatever it is that..” Kate’s voice trailed off as she watched Patrick take off his shirt and toss it in the hamper. He glanced back over his shoulder, satisfied that he’d distracted her. “We won’t be packing.” Patrick laughed. “Since when have you packed a box in your life.” He condescended. “I think you’ve been hanging out with too many starving artists.” He teased. Kate felt herself bow up slightly at his remark but didn’t press the issue. “He is cute though.” Patrick continued as he finished stripping and turned on the shower. “So he’s back with—“ “Brian, yes.” Kate confirmed unable to look away. “Why are you taking another shower?” She asked feeling angry, but unsure of why. “I feel dirty.” Patrick replied as he disappeared behind the door. Kate stood for a long moment staring at the space her fiancé had just been occupying. In a flash she watched her whole life play out before her eyes. It was a charade of lies and deceit. She and Patrick playing their parts, reading their well rehearsed lines, each one maintain their separate lives. The sound of her cell pulled her from the image as she flipped it open. “Daddy.” She greeted. She paused as he inquired about her day. “Not so good. In fact we need to talk.” …………… It was dark but he could see everything he wanted to see. It was Brian coming toward him, towel around his waist, leer in his eyes. They must be at the Baths. Justin leaned against the wall and watched him come. He noticed the other men that stood between them but Brian didn’t. Brian’s eyes never left his own. It was as if they were the only two men that existed. Justin felt hot breath on the back of his neck, felt something solid press against him. He leaned back but something felt wrong. He glanced down as two arms circled around his waist. The arms were pale, soft, not at all like the arms he expected. The hands were clumsy and rough. He looked up and realized Brian was still several feet away from him. His expression hadn’t change. Justin felt a panic rise up inside of him as he twisted madly trying to see who was behind him. His hands wrenched at the ones ripping his towel away leaving him vulnerable and exposed. It was then that he heard the words as the sickening breath curled around his him. “Come on, loosen up, relax.” Justin sat up gasping for air, a thin slick layer of perspiration soaking the sheet as he kicked it away. He looked around his studio as the realization dawned it had just been a dream. It wasn’t the first time he’d dreamt something similar to this but never had it gone this far. In the past the nightmare always ended with Brian coming towards him and a feeling of foreboding. Never had he actually felt someone’s hands on his body or heard those words. He knew those words. He recognized that voice. He pushed off of the sofa and made his way to the makeshift kitchen. Taking a bottle of water off of the counter, he drank it down then rummaged for another. He leaned against the counter and ran his fingers through his wet hair causing it to stand at odd angles. “Fuck.” He whispered to no one in particular. He felt so alone and trapped. Was it a panic attack? He hadn’t suffered one of those in a long time. It felt similar but somehow different. With a panic attack he could always reassure himself that his feelings of fear and confinement were imagined. With these dreams he woke lacking that assurance. It was more than imagined. It felt tangible, like some déjà vu moment that he was forced to relive, an endless loop that something would trigger and throw him back into, over and over the feelings, the dark, the confusion, the chaos. Justin scrubbed his face and shook his head. He glanced at the clock. It was still early. Brian was more than likely awake. He was probably still at Babylon. Justin reached for his phone then decided against calling. What would he say anyway? “Hey Brian, it’s me. I had a bad dream.” Justin huffed a laugh but there was no humor in it. He grabbed a shirt and threw it on as he moved out onto the fire escape. “Can’t sleep?” Kate’s voice surprised him as he jumped. “Fuck.” Justin spat. “It’s a long way down. Don’t surprise me like that.” He complained. “Sorry.” She shrugged as she lifted her cigarette as in invitation. Justin nodded then headed back through the window and his loft, grateful for the distraction. Reaching Kate’s door, he found it unlocked. He moved inside and headed for her fire escape. “Your door’s unlocked.” He offered as he took the cigarette from her. “Yeah, I’m waiting for Patrick to get home.” She replied bitterly as she took her fag back and took a long drag on it. She held the smoke for a long moment before she exhaled slowly. “You should still keep your door lock. It isn’t safe.” Justin offered, remembering he’d just left his unlocked as well. “Well you’ll just have to protect me.” Kate mumbled. “I spoke with my father today.” Justin took the cigarette and inhaled before asking. “Well?” He offered when Kate remained quiet. “He thinks I’m nuts. He said I’m having cold feet.” She rolled her eyes. “He thinks I’m hanging out with too many “artistic types” “ She glanced over at Justin for his reaction. “Read Fags?” He offered. She nodded. “So John Conway believes that you are projecting your gay friends’ lust onto your fiancé ?” “Something like that.” Kate sighed. “Kate Darling, Patrick loves you. I know you have a large number of gay friends but Patrick isn’t one of them. I’ve seen how he looks at you. He loves you.” She mimicked her father then took a deep drag off the cigarette before tossing the remains over the edge. “Can you believe that? He doesn’t even notice the way Patrick looks at other men.” She shook her head. “Shouldn’t a father want his daughter to be happy? Shouldn’t he trust that I would know?” Justin reached out placing his hand on her shoulder as they both stared out at the night. “It doesn’t really matter what your father thinks. It matters what you think.” He offered softly. “It’s time that you stopped asking for his permission and started trusting your own instincts.” “I know that Justin.” She whispered. “Don’t you think I know that? I just…the way he looked at me. It was as though I was the same silly little girl who used to try to convince him that there were monsters in my closet.” ”There weren’t monsters.” Justin offered. “But I’ve seen Patrick, I know you’re right. This is real. Just because your father refuses to see it doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening,“ He continued. “So what do you suggest? I hire a PI and have him followed. Get some photos then convince my Father?” She turned on him in exasperation. “Is that what you are suggesting?” “No.” Justin smiled refusing to take the bait. “I think we can make it happen right in front of him.” Kate furrowed her brow. “After the Chicago show I have another one coming up in Soho. I’ll see if Brian will come. Trust me, Patrick will be drooling all over him.” Justin bit his lip. “I just have to get Brian to agree.” “And I have to get my Father to attend and time it so that he catches him.” She sounded worried. “Or you could avoid this ridiculous charade and just tell him that he’s wrong and that you are breaking off the engagement.” Justin offered. “It is ridiculous isn’t it?” Kate sighed. “But I don’t like the way he looked at me today. I don’t like the way he sounded when he was trying to calm me and convince me that I was wrong.” “Fathers are clueless trust me. I have one that has to be at the top of that list.” Justin shook his head then turned back toward Kate’s open window. “I’m going home.” “What had you up?” She asked curiously. “Bad dream.” Justin admitted as he climbed back through the opening. “Monsters in the closet?” She teased. Justin returned a weary smile but refused to refute her words. Something was warning him that perhaps Kate had been closer to the truth than he wanted to admit. ……………….. “Hey Boss.” Ted greeted Brian as he entered his office. “Full house tonight. Did you see the dance floor? It was packed.” He stepped away from Brian’s computer leaving the nights receipt ledger open. Brian sighed as he took a seat behind the desk. He glanced up at the profits and then closed out the ledger. It was money. Money was nice but it wasn’t everything. He knew how to make money. He knew how to pick losers and sell them as winners. Bullshitting people was easy; he’d done it all of his life. What wasn’t easy was admitting to himself why he always seemed to be burning the candle at both ends. He hated going home to his loft knowing it was empty. He’d hated it during those long months when he’d been estranged from the man that he loved but it seemed even harder, now that he was no longer hiding behind some false belief that his misery was, in fact, making things easier on Justin. There was nothing easy about this separation. Oh sure, they had their lives. They both had their work. They were both successes, but lately those assurances had begun to sound hollow even to his ears. “What time will you be in tomorrow?” Ted asked. “Blake and I have an early meeting at the clinic if that’s okay with you.” “Fine.” Brian replied half listening. “You have a meeting late in the afternoon, but I think your morning is open.” Ted offered. “Maybe you should sleep in. You’ve been looking pretty tired since the grand opening.” He was concerned. Ted knew better than anyone else what hours Brian kept. So far it wasn’t impacting this output but it was only a matter of time before it did. Kinnetik continued to reach record levels of profit. Babylon had recovered from the bombing and was packed once more with throngs of the young and fabulous. Ted’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He didn’t have to look to know that it was Blake. He was no doubt wondering where his lover was. Ted shuffled for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the next before Brian’s voice broke the silence. “Go home.” The younger man ordered. “Go home and don’t come in tomorrow to Kinnetik. You’ve been putting in long hours. You should get some rest.” “Brian?” Ted was truly concerned now. Brian Kinney wasn’t one to cut someone slack without being asked to do so. “If you’d rather work tomorrow Theodore, all you have to do is show up.” Brian glanced up meeting the other man’s gaze. Ted shook his head and hastily accepted the man’s offer. “Well I should be going.” Ted mumbled. “Call if you have any questions. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night then.” “Let’s start scheduling a few more management applicants.” Brian suggested as Ted reached the office door. Ted considered his words for a moment. “I’d like to have weekends free.” Brian offered as his gaze left Ted’s and returned to this computer. “Any special reason?” Ted ventured with a smile in his tone. Brian glanced over, silently confirming the other man’s suspicions. “Lock up on your way out.” Brian added as Ted opened the office door then quietly left. Brian toggled between a few items, checked his person email, he had just logged off when his cell phone rang. “I thought lesbians turned into pumpkins after midnight.” Brian teased as he answered. “And what do fags turns into?” Lindsay offered with a smile in her voice. “Fucking machines.” Brian’s tone made it clear that she should already know this. “What are you doing up? Everything okay?” He asked concerned. “Yeah, I was just checking to make sure that it was still okay for Gus and I to stay with you.” Her voice was low and Brian wondered why but wasn’t going to push it. “Yeah, I’m actually having some work done on the loft so that I’ll have a bed for you.” He offered. “Oh Brian that’s so sweet.” Lindsay sounded touched. “But you could have just let us stay at the country estate.” She teased. “I sold it.” He replied hastily. Lindsay knew from his tone that she wasn’t to ask so she didn’t. “So what sort of work are you doing?” She ventured. “Having some built in cabinets put in the office area and a Murphy bed installed as part of it.” Brian gathered up the few reports he wanted to study concerning the club as he spoke. “I’ll need a place for Gus when he comes this summer.” “Well actually I was calling to see if we could maybe stay a little longer this time.” Lindsay tried to make the request nonchalant but failed. Brian was quiet for a moment wondering if there was more she wanted to say. “Trouble in paradise?” He asked. “A little.” Lindsay confessed. “We just need some time apart.” “You think that’s going to make things better?” Brian pressed. “Can we stay or not?” Lindsay refused to discuss her relationship with Melanie, at the moment anyway. “Sure.” Brian offered. “I’m hardly home anyway.” He could feel Lindsay’s relief over the phone, deepening his concern. “You won’t be bringing home any…….friends while we’re there will you? Gus is old enough now to remember and he’s—“ “I’m not doing that.” Brian stated flatly. “And if I were, I certainly wouldn’t be doing it in front of my son.” He was angry that Lindsay would even feel the need to ask. “Well, that certainly sounds like you and Justin have worked things out.” She ventured. “What time do I need to pick you up at the airport?” Brian ignored her query. “I’ll call with my itinerary later this week. I don’t have it in front of me. It’s in the bedroom and I don’t want to wake up Mel.” She explained. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth resisting the urge to ask once more what the hell was going on. Instead he picked up a stack of files on his desk and headed to the back storage closet. It was one of the only areas not destroyed by the explosion. “Just let me know. I’m heading home.” He warned. “Yeah I should be getting back to bed.” Lindsay took the hint. “I’ll call you tomorrow with the times.” She assured him. “Goodnight Brian.” “Bye Lindsay.” He hung up and dropped his phone into his pocket as he continued on to the closet. Something was definitely up in Canada. Brian felt certain he’d hear all about it, more than he wanted to in fact, once Lindsay arrived. He opened the closet and flipped on the light. It was an utter disaster just like Sap had left it. Stacks of decorations from past promotional events, a couple of old lighting fixtures that should have been tossed years ago, boxes of God knows what. Brian sighed in disgust as he opened the closest file cabinet and organized what he’d been carrying. “Saperstine you were a real pig.” Brian had never liked the man but after the way things had gone during Justin’s limited stint as a dancer, Brian had despised the louse. Brian kicked at one of the boxes curious as to what it held. No closer to knowing, Brian made a mental note to have Ted hire some men to clean out all the crap and get the file room in order. Turning out the light, Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. He wondered for a moment what Justin was doing. He thought about giving the blond a call but realized he was probably asleep. He’d hope to fly up to New York once Lindsay and Gus left but now it seemed that trip would be postponed. It had only been a few days since Justin had left and yet it already felt like an eternity. Brian comforted himself with the knowledge that they’d see each other again, they were, after all, back on solid ground, but even that wasn’t enough to completely extinguish the ache that he felt whenever he thought of how wonderful it had been to come home to Justin. Brian missed those nights. He hoped that one day they’d be back in the same location, but only time would tell whether or not this hope might become a reality. In the meantime he’d settle for the knowledge that they were back together and this time it felt as though it might be for good. ……………. Note to readers: I’m going to try to post a chapter a week. That was what I had hoped to do before life went South so hang in there. Hugs Mouse