Note to Readers: I was a little concerned that you might read this and think this was the end of the story, but it isn’t. There is more to come. Just wanted to clarify before you get to the end, just in case! Thanks for your patience………….your mouse Chapter 8 Luminox They were silent. Both men were side by side on the sofa, each staring out into space waiting for the other to make the first move. Brian cleared his throat then finally sighed. Pushing off of the couch he moved to his stash. “You’re going to get high?” Justin asked, his tone revealing his feelings on the matter. “Yep.” Brian replied as he pulled out a joint and lit it. Justin shook his head as he examined his hands. “This is impossible.” He muttered in frustration. “Then why are you here?” Brian challenged. “Because I don’t want it to be impossible.” Justin met his gaze. “Then why say that it is?” Brian asked taking another toke on his joint. He let the smoke fill his mind, calming him. It was the escape hatch he’d needed since they’d left the Diner. “Please stop smoking that until we can get through this.” Justin suggested. Brian stared at the joint then stubbed it out. He was in a better frame of mind for now, the rest could wait. “Thank you.” Justin offered. Brian shrugged nonchalantly. “So?” Brian asked leaning against the far wall. “So, I have to leave tomorrow.” Justin waited to see if that got any response. When it didn’t he continued. “I was hoping to have things clarified for better or worse before I have to get on my plane.” “What do you want Justin?” Brian asked leaning slightly forward. “What did you hope to accomplish here in two days time?” “You.” Justin held his gaze ignoring the rest of the man’s question for the time being. “You’re all that I want.” The simplicity and certainty of his answer stabbed the older man cracking the walls he’d been trying to keep up. How could someone so young be that absolute about such things as this? Brian considered his words before responding. It would be nice if life were that simple and perhaps years back it had been but those days were gone now. “No, that’s not true.” Brian replied shading the black and white of Justin’s statement with a certain amount of grey. “You asked—“ “Let me finish.” Brian held up his hand halting Justin’s defense. “You want more than me. You went to New York because you wanted more than me—“ “You said—“ “Just let me finish for fuck sake!” Brian spat. Justin sighed then conceded. “You want more Justin, more than me and there’s nothing wrong with that. I want more than you. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here busting my ass to keep my top spot in the market.” Justin knew it was true. He’d entertained some vain hope that perhaps Brian could expand into the New York market but knew that it wasn’t really the right time for such a move. “So what? What does that mean for us? That we can’t have everything that we want because our jobs are in different locations?” Justin shook his head. “I refuse to believe that.” His voice was resolute making his take on the situation crystal clear. “I’ll admit I didn’t handle your leaving very well.” Justin laughed then sobered when he noted Brian’s serious expression. “Maybe I wrote us off a little too quickly.” “I think you did.” Justin offered softly. “But I can understand why you did. California was very tempting and I didn’t work very hard to reassure you while I was out there that I was coming home.” “I don’t need you to hold my hand.” Brian quipped hating the fact that a part of him had needed just that. “I’m not some dyke who needs you to whisper reassuring words into the phone each night.” “No, you don’t but you do tend to have an irrational fear that someone hotter is going to come along. Some belief that I’ll leave you.” Justin smiled. “Irrational huh?” Brian smiled. “Yes, irrational, since you know I’ve been convinced of your position as the hottest man alive since I was 17.” Justin moved closer. “And I know I left you once,” Neither man ever brought up the fiddler anymore, but Justin felt he had to in order to make his point. “But we both remember how that turned out. I came back. I’ll always come home to you.” Brian felt something inside his chest warm. He had missed this so much, this playful reassurance that Justin always seemed to give him. “Well I don’t believe much of what I thought was true when I was 17.” Brian admitted, his face revealing the truth of his words. “And I’ve always wondered what would have happened had Ian kept his bow to himself.” Justin paused, raising one eyebrow incredulously. “Well I do believe I was right at 17.” Justin smiled softly. “I’m the romantic, an artist, the romantic fairy, remember?” He paused letting Brian know he wasn’t angry just being honest, “And I know what reality is. I know that at one point I thought I needed hearts and flowers. I know I thought that was love, but being with you has taught me that love is so much more than that. I would have found my way back one way or the other, sooner or later. I know that, surely you do too.” Brian conceded that it was true. “I also know that time will change you and it will change me, but Brian, “ He paused again as he reached the older man. Cupping his chin he stared up into impossibly deep hazel eyes. “It won’t change us. It won’t change how I feel about you. You said it Brian. It’s only time.” He whispered. They met somewhere in the middle as Brian brought their lips together in a slow and sensual kiss. “You say this now but in a year’s time you won’t even think of me. You’ll say. I wonder where that guy was that told me once that he loved me.” Brian whispered his words mocking but his eyes filled with sincerity. “I’ll roll over in bed and say ‘Oh, there you are Brian.’ “ Justin smiled causing Brian to laugh softly. “You think it will be that easy?” Brian sounded doubtful. “I don’t want to lose you and if I have to give up New York to keep that from happening, then I will.” It was Brian’s turn to see the truth of the other man’s statement. He rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded his acceptance of that fact. “You won’t lose me.” Brian whispered. “We have to be able to communicate. I need to talk to you.” Justin admitted. “I need you to promise me that you won’t give up on us.” “We’ll email. I’ll call.” Brian assured him. “I won’t give up.” “No replacing me with the latest waiter at the Diner.” Brian could sense Justin’s sense of betrayal as old insecurities littered his words. “No matter how good his ass is.” Justin added. “It wasn’t like that.” Brian denied the accusation, trying to relieve the doubt he found in those baby blues. “What was it like?” Justin asked in all seriousness. “He’s not you. He could never have been you. He was merely filling a few empty hours.” Brian shrugged. Justin nodded, still unsatisfied, but feeling certain his point had been made. “Let’s go to bed.” Justin suggested. “It’s noon.” Brian smiled. “You have to be starving.” He pulled the blond to him. “For months.” Justin offered as he began pulling the older man toward the bedroom. “And I’ve only got another day until my fast resumes so let’s not waste any time.” He smiled as his fingers laced with Brian’s. Brian allowed himself to be pulled along by Justin. He found himself watching, realizing that he always felt pulled along by Justin, pulled into a relationship he thought was impossible, pulled into believing that there was something that was better than anonymous sex, pulled into hoping that good things did happen, would happen for him. Pulled into believing that despite what he’d been told all of his life that he was indeed worth loving. At first he’d resisted, but now he no longer went kicking or screaming. He went willingly, able no longer to resist that which was inevitable. After all Brian knew this was his one and only shot at love. If things had continued on, their relationship eventually dissolving, Justin in time would have found another, but if anything, the last few months had proven to Brian that he would not. Once Justin left, the older man knew without a doubt that part of his life had ended. Justin smiled back over his shoulder as they reached to top of the stairs. “Don’t be so serious.” He warned. “We’re okay now.” He assured Brian. “We are?” He asked in a breath. “We are.” Justin assured him as Brian pulled him closer, his lips tracing the contour of the perfect porcelain skin. “There’s only you, Justin.” Brian whispered, his words filling the younger man in a way that no other words had ever managed to. Justin felt himself fall into his older lover as he had so many times before. The fight was over, the matter settled. They were as they had been since their first night spent in this room, in this bed, they were together. ****** “Did he say when he was leaving?” Deb asked as she handed Em another towel to fold. “No, but I would think that he’d be leaving tomorrow. I mean he’s working and Brian’s working. He was just coming in for the grand re-opening of Babylon and only then because of Teddy.” He reached for another towel. “We should have a dinner. It’s been forever since we had a family gathering.” She smiled. She knew that food wasn’t the answer to obstacles facing Brian and Justin, but it was the only solution she had to offer. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean you weren’t there when the shit hit the fan.” He offered raising an eyebrow. “I knew Brian was going to fuck it up when he started coming in and hanging around Jansen. It was just too convenient.” She offered. “Too familiar.” “Well Justin certainly noted the similarities.” Emmett tossed the final towel aside and grabbed the basket. “I’ll run these up to the bathroom.” He announced. “Thanks Sweetie.” Deb sighed then sat down on the sofa. “Where’s my girl?” Carl called as he opened the front door. “Over here.” Deb waved without moving from her spot. Carl furrowed his brow as he moved to the front of the sofa and stared down at his would be bride. “Oh no, what’s happened?” He asked taking a seat on the coffee table in front of her. “Brian and Justin.” She murmured. “You know I’ve watched that kid go through hell and back over the last 20 years and just when I think he’s finally going to have something good, he has to go fuck it up.” She shook her head. “And it all goes back to that bitch of a mother he had.” “Now Deb,” Carl began reaching out a soothing hand and placing it on her thigh. “Don’t you think you’re jumping to a conclusion here?” “What conclusion? Brian was ready to marry Sunshine. They were all but headed down the fucking aisle. Who would have fucking believed it?” She huffed. “Then that fell through, Sunshine is off to New York, and Brian’s all over this kid at the Diner.” “But I thought you said Justin came back.” He moved until he was sitting on the sofa as well. He leaned back letting the soft cushion ease his aching back. “He did and went after Brian just like he did all those years ago.” She smiled. “He was the most determined kid.” She laughed softly then sobered. “But now he knows, he saw Jansen.” “And you think Brian is over Justin and onto this Jansen kid?” Carl raised his brows. “No.” Deb sighed. “But Justin won’t believe him.” “Well he’ll have to.” Carl leaned forward. “If they are going to survive living apart they have to learn to trust each other and nothing you, nor I, nor anyone else can do can help them. It’s something they have to learn on their own.” Deb leaned into his body savoring the warmth of his arm that was now wrapped around her shoulder. “I love you.” She whispered then kissed him on the cheek. “I love you too.” He kissed her back. “I’m having a family dinner tomorrow night before Sunshine goes back.” Deb revealed. Carl nodded. ”What can I do to help?” Deb laughed then stood and pulled him to his feet. “Go put on something more comfortable. I’ll make the shopping list. We have to go to the grocery store.” Carl leaned in kissing her once more. The last thing he wanted to do was go upstairs, change clothes so that he could go back out again, but somewhere in those beautiful blue eyes he found the strength to do just as she asked. ***** “Don’t answer that.” Brian warned. He was rewarded by an incredulous huff as he pounded into the smaller man again. He was close. He was very close. Justin ignored the ringing and continued to grip the sheets, hanging on for dear life, he felt himself begin to float and knew he too was standing on the edge of a cliff. Moments later both men fell, crying out as Brian collapsed down on top of the smaller man. They lay tangled for a long moment, each man struggling to catch their breath. “That was amazing.” Justin offered with a smile as he continued to pant, the cool air chilling his glistening skin. “Amazing.” Brian agreed as the phone began to ring once more. Rolling his eyes Brian surrendered and picked up the receiver. “What?” He demanded his hand idling stroking Justin’s side. “I hope I interrupted fucking and not fighting!” Deb popped her gum. “What do you want?” Brian ignored her curious feeler. “Dinner at my house tonight. You and Sunshine get things worked out and be here at six.” She announced. “What time is your flight?” Brian asked, dreading the idea of Justin leaving so soon. “Late, around 10.” He offered still trying to get his breathing back under control. “We’ll be there.” Brian hung up without giving the woman a chance to reply. “Deb?” Justin asked as he rolled out of bed, wincing as he headed to the bathroom. “Yeah, dinner at her house.” Brian offered. “It will no doubt interfere with our farewell fuck.” He grumbled as he followed Justin to the shower. “Well I’m not sure how much more my ass could take anyway. I won’t be able to sit for a week as it is.” He stepped under the spray. Brian followed grabbing the soap. Reaching out he immediately began running the bar over Justin’s back. It was instinct, habit, wonderful. Justin leaned into Brian’s touch. “Feels good.” Justin murmured over the sound of the spray. He turned and kissed the older man. They spent the rest of the hot water lost in deep kisses and lingering touches. It was as if neither could get enough of the other. They could both hear the clock ticking down the hours that they had left together and therefore tried to make the most of each moment that remained. ******** “So you like New York?” Ted asked as he filled his plate. “Easy on the pasta or you’ll be going under the knife again.” Brian interrupted his accountant. Ted rolled his eyes as Justin offered Ted a sympathetic smile. “You know it won’t be long before the great Kinney will be considering some minor procedures himself.” Em launched an offense. Brian scowled hating the truth of Emmett’s accusation. “No he won’t.” Justin replied for the older man. “I love him just the way he is.” “Yeah but he won’t always be the way he is. He’ll be all old and wrinkled and you’ll still be young and…..well whatever he sees in you.” Hunter offered nastily. “Fuck You.” Justin kept his eyes fixed on Hunter. They’d never fully settled Hunter’s insane rivalry over Brian. “That’s enough.” Deb passed the bread. “Hunter don’t be an asshole. Sunshine that goes for you as well.” “You can be an asshole for me anytime.” Brian whispered under his breath causing Justin to laugh. They shared a look that led to a kiss then a deeper kiss. “Get a fucking room.” Hunter groused. “Eat your food.” Michael ordered happy to see that Brian and Justin seemed to have made peace and were back on track. “Well it’s nice to see that things are back to normal.” Carl gave Deb a wink. “Since when have they been normal?” Hunter grumbled earning him a smack on the back of his head from Deb. “Well as fun as this is.” Brian began as he pulled away from the blond to address the table. “I have to get the lad back to the loft so he can gather his luggage then off to the Big Apple again.” Justin sighed as he rose placing his napkin on his plate. He missed his friends and family. Even though he was happy with the progress that he and Brian had made over the last two days, time had gone too quickly. He missed the warmth of home of this house, of these people. “You bring your bubble butt home more often.” Deb scolded as she reached for) the blond, pulling him into a crushing embrace. “I’ll come as soon as I can afford the fare.” Justin promised. “Find out which clubs are the hottest. I’ll let you play tour guide.” Em smiled then kissed the younger man on the cheek. “Well Justin, it was good to see you.” Ted offered awkwardly offering a handshake. To his surprise Justin moved past his extended hand and instead hugged the older man whispering in his ear as he did so. “Thanks for the invite Ted. I owe you one.” He pulled back and gave the man a wink. Ted felt himself blush as he tried to handle the affection he felt for the blond. “Are you finished?” Brian asked with mock irritation. “Yeah.” Justin softly admitted, clearly saddened by the idea of leaving. They were silent as they headed to the vette each man grappling with the reality of what was to come. “So what time do you want to get to the airport?” Brian asked as he pulled from the curb. “Eight thirty should give me plenty of time. There won’t be much traffic in there tonight.” Justin yawned. “Is anyone picking you up in New York?” Brian pressed feeling nervous about letting the younger man go. “No, but I’ll catch a cab.” Justin dismissed the concern. “So what’s coming up?” Brian changed the subject hoping it might lighten the tension in the car. “I have an interview on Monday then I should have another show in two weeks. It isn’t set yet. It will be in Chicago. I’ll have to see how that panned out after the benefit.” Justin began making a mental list of things he needed to check on once he got home. “Chicago?” Brian ventured. “Yeah, I’ll be there a week.” Brian pulled up in front of the loft. “I need to get some work done this week though if I’m going to be away from my studio for a week.” Brian glanced over realizing that Justin was already transitioning back to the life he’d left back in New York. It was as if a part of the blond was already gone. After sliding the door shut, Brian followed Justin up to the bedroom and watched quietly as the blond finished packing his remaining clothes. Justin could feel the other man’s eyes tracing his every move. He hated the fact that he was the one who was once more packing to leave. He could still vividly remember that day years back when he’d watched Brian pack for Chicago, abandoning their plans for a weekend in Vermont. He’d felt so insignificant at that moment. He never wanted Brian to feel that way. He felt certain that the brunet was clear on how he felt but still found the other man’s silence triggering some doubt. “Well I guess that’s it.” Justin announced with resignation as he zipped his bag. “Yeah, looks like it.” Brian agreed trying not to sound as solemn as he felt. “You checked the bathroom?” He offered wanting to postpone Justin’s leaving for any reason. He had no idea why he’d let their separation go on for so long now that he remembered how good it felt to be near the blond. Of course Brian clearly remembered why he hadn’t contacted the blond. Brian had wanted to be selfless. He’d wanted Justin to have a fresh start with no baggage pulling him back to the Pitts. Brian felt unsure as he watched Justin scan the room for any remaining items. He hated watching him go. It was so much like the last time, the finality of it all hanging heavy in the air. “Yeah.” Justin smiled as he met Brian’s gaze. “I check the bathroom, but I did forget something.” He spoke softly wondering if Brian had any idea how hard it was to leave. Brian furrowed his brow as Justin offered him a small smile. “What’s that?” Brian asked curiously looking back to the nightstand then scanning the other surfaces in the room for the missing item. “It’s something that I should have taken with me the last time I left for New York.” Justin moved to Brian’s dresser then pulled open the top drawer. Justin glanced back at Brian once he’d retrieved the item before closing the drawer. Turning, he moved toward his lover, a black ring box in his hand. Brian smirked then narrowed his eyes wondering what was coming next. Justin sat beside him on the bed holding the box for a long moment obviously considering his words before speaking. Brian waited patiently, not wishing to interrupt whatever it was that Justin wanted to say. Slowly Justin opened the box revealing the two platinum bands. “I thought about these a lot after I left.” He fingered the smooth metal then glanced up at the man before allowing his eyes to travel back down to the rings. “I’ve never gotten around to taking them back.” Brian excused feeling slightly exposed that he still had them tucked away. Justin cleared his throat then worried his bottom lip for only a moment, before continuing. “Would you mind?” Justin swallowed then looked up meeting Brian’s gaze. “If I wore mine?” “I thought you said we didn’t need rings to prove that we love each other.” Brian felt confused by Justin’s actions and yet at the same time strangely buoyed. “We don’t need them.” Justin assured him then glanced down once more before meeting those hazel eyes once more. “I want to wear it. I want to feel like no matter where I am, you’re right there with me, a part of my life, a part of both the good and the bad, that just because we can’t always see each other that doesn’t mean we aren’t still joined somehow.” “You don’t need a ring to do that Justin.” Brian argued. “No, I don’t, but I want it. I want this ring. I want your ring.” He pulled it from its place and held it up for Brian to see. “I want this ring on my finger when a reporter asks if I’m involved with anyone special. I want it there to point to whenever some collector gets a little too interested in my personal assets instead of my art.” Justin smiled. “I want you to know that it’s on my finger and that I won’t take it off.” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth considering Justin’s words. “So for protection.” Brian tested the waters. “From unwanted advances and nosey reporters.” “No, not for protection.” Justin laughed softly. “I don’t need a ring to protect me.” He met Brian’s gaze. “I want it there so that whenever I feel it on my hand, I’m reminded of what’s really important.” Determined baby blues challenged deep hazel to contradict them. “It’s a symbol.” “That’s right Justin, it’s just a symbol.” Brian minimized. “It’s a symbol of your love for me.” Justin pressed on finding a way through Brian’s insecurity. “How could I not want it on my hand?” “You don’t have to –“ “I said I want to.” Justin reassured him then held out his right hand. Brian reached up and took the ring from Justin’s left hand. He stared at it for a moment. He’d purchased it months before when he’d thought that they were getting married. Taking Justin’s right hand he slowly slipped the simple band onto Justin’s ring finger. Glancing up he met Justin’s gaze and was overjoyed to see the smile shining back at him. Justin leaned in and kissed the older man, softly at first then deepening it until they were both breathless. “Till death do us part.” Justin whispered against Brian’s lips then kissed him once more. Brian wasn’t sure what to say. A part of him wanted to make a joke, break the tension but he knew the moment was too important to the blond, so he remained silent mesmerized by the love he saw in Justin’s trusting eyes. “Don’t be such a stranger.” Brian managed as he kissed the blond once more. “I’m going to miss you.” He whispered against Brian’s soft talented lips. “I’ll miss you too.” Brian admitted then deepened the kiss once more. It was Justin who pulled away as he gave the older man a satisfied look. “I’ll be expecting an email in a few days.” He raised a brow as he reached for his bag. “You’ll get one.” Brian assured him clearing his throat. He found himself enjoying the way the band looked on Justin’s hand. It looked so natural. It was as though it belonged there. ”Well even if I don’t, I know where we stand now.” Justin smiled back over his shoulder unaware of Brian’s fascination with the ring. Brian followed the blond down to the door. He had wanted to take Justin to the airport but the blond had begged off wanting to say their goodbye privately. “You sure you don’t want me to drive you?” He offered one last time. “No, I’m fine. The cab is probably waiting.” Justin admitted as he opened the door. He turned back and kissed Brian one last time. “I don’t know how I lasted as long as I did without kissing you.” His honesty was as apparent as his sincerity. “Well, you could always go back tomorrow.” Brian tempted. Justin laughed then slowly sobered. He hated walking away. He hated this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was just like the feeling he had their first year together. “Later.” Brian offered pulling Justin from his thoughts. “Later.” Justin assured him as he moved down the stairs and out of Brian’s sight. The cab was waiting when Justin reached the street. Taking his place in the backseat Justin stared out at the familiar Pittsburgh sites as he absently touched the polished ring located on his right hand. He smiled to himself as he turned the ring on his finger. It was a beautiful ring. It was elegant and simple, but that wasn’t why Justin loved it. He loved it because it was from Brian. Closing his eyes he enjoyed the memory that played out behind his eyes as Brian slipped the ring onto his waiting finger. In that moment Justin realized that he’d never felt more loved in his life. Turning his thoughts back to his life in New York Justin realized he was already working through his schedule hoping to find another weekend soon when he could come home to Brian. He knew it would more than likely be weeks before he had an opening but that was okay. They’d find a way to make it work. They had survived so much. Justin felt certain now that they’d find their way through this. They just needed a little time.