Brian cried out throwing his head back then collapsed further onto the wall working to control his breathing once more. The other man rose to his feet and attempted to bring their lips together. Brian turned away. “No thanks.” He spat as he reach down to zip up. The other man spit the contents of his mouth to the floor then turned back to the brunet. “My turn.” He announced reaching for Brian. Brian smiled confidently. “No deposits, no returns.” He moved out of the man’s reach ignoring the adjectives tossed out in his direction. Reaching the street he took a deep breath hoping the cool air would clear his head before heading toward his ‘vette. “Hey.” Michael moved out of the shadows. “Fuck.” Brian jumped. “You scared the shit out of me.” “Jumpy aren’t you?” Michael teased. “Excuse me, my club was blown up a few months ago.” Brian dismissed the teasing, sobering the other man as Michael realized how thoughtless he’d been. He’d never really considered how the blast might have impacted Brian other than to jar the other man’s brain and show him it was time to settle down. He’d actually thought it was going to happen until Justin had announced that he was going to New York and that the wedding was off. “Give me a ride to the Diner?” Michael asked waiting for his door to be unlocked. Brian considered. He was hungry, couldn’t remember the last meal he’d eaten. The last thing he wanted was to go back to an empty loft. He had hoped that over time he’d get use to it but now wondered if things would ever be as they once had. He was finding that his heart was like some terrible Pandora’s box that once open could never be closed again. They were both quiet during the short ride over, Brian considering his reaction to Michael’s sudden appearance while Michael tried to figure out how to test his theory. The bell over the door jingled as they made a bee line for their usual booth only to find it taken. Sitting in their usual spot were four men in their twenties. Michael was about to protest but Brian steered him to the next booth down. “They’re in our booth.” Michael argued indignantly. “People sit there all day Mikey. Do you really think it sits empty until we appear?” Brian propped his feet in the booth and laid his head back against the wall. “Hi.” Brian opened his eyes and found himself looking into emerald eyes. “I’m Jan.” The twink offered. “Short for Jansen.” He smiled. It lacked the luster of another smile but it was closer than most. He was built smaller, leaner than Brian, handsome face, square jaw. Standing there order pad in hand, tight ‘fcuk’ t-shirt pulled across his chest, Brian was struck by a sudden comforting familiarity. “I’ll have a cheeseburger with fries and Brian will have..”Michael began absently. “The same.” Brian surprised his friend. Jan gave them both a nod. “And drinks?” He asked his eyes tending to fall more to Brian than to Michael. “A Tab.” Michael mumbled watching as Brian stared seductively at the young waiter. “Water.” He replied. Jan blushed under the older man’s gaze then moved away. Brian was happy to see that bubble butts still existed. “What are you doing?” Michael hissed across the table. “Ordering.” Brian deadpanned. “He’s not on the menu.” Michael clarified. “And wasn’t it only a few months ago that you were getting married.” “Were.” It was Brian’s turn to clarify. “You think Justin’s fucking tall brunets.” Michael threatened. He noted the direct hit and watched as Brian schooled his reaction behind a familiar mask. “He can fuck whomever he wants. He sure is hell isn’t fucking me anymore.” Jan returned with their drinks. “I get off at 2.” He offered leaning on one hip as he stared down at Brian. “I’ll pick you up.” Brian sealed the deal. Jan moved away. Michael sighed unable to look at his friend. It was so obvious what was happening surely Brian could see it. Before he could confront Brian, Jan returned placing their food down in front of them. He gave Brian a hungry leer then moved to the next table. Brian’s gaze moved from the blond to meet Michael’s eyes. He furrowed his brow. “What?” Brian demanded pushing his food away. “Look at him.” Michael glanced over as the dirty blond wiped down the counter. “He’s blond like Justin, built like Justin, even fucking smiles a little like Justin.” “So?” Brian ignored the other man’s speculation. “He’s not Justin. If you want to go fuck Justin then go do it.” Michael recommended. “I don’t want—“ “That’s a lie don’t finish it. You’ve never lied to me.” Michael warned. Brian stopped realizing it was the truth. He paused for a moment then continued. “It’s over Michael. He isn’t coming back. I could call, email, even visit, but it does nothing but draw out the inevitable. He is making his mark in New York, something I never managed to accomplish. He’s too big for this little second rate burg.” “You’re jealous.” Michael huffed. “No.” Brian shook his head. “Yes you are. You hate that he’s managing to achieve something you never did. You always wanted New York but you never went. It’s eating you up.” Michael observed, so much for subtly testing his theory. “I’m happy for him. “ Brian held the other man’s gaze revealing the sincerity in his eyes. “Go see him, Brian. He misses you.” Michael offered. “Like I said, it would only be drawing out the inevitable.” Brian played with his food, stabbing it time and again with his fork then looked up. “It’s better to make a clean break.” “Well you might have at least shown him the courtesy of letting him know that when he walked out a few months back that you were done with him.” Michael groused. “He’s bright. He figured it out.” Brian surmised as their food arrived. “What’s your name?” Jan asked giving Brian a shy smile. “Brian.” He offered. “I’m Michael.” Michael interjected rudely. The blond glanced in his direction offering a nod. Michael rolled his eyes then dove into his food. “I’ll see you at 2.” Jan moved away from the table and into the backroom. “Poor kid.” Michael mumbled. Brian glanced over an eyebrow raised. “He has no idea what’s about to happen to him.” “Yeah he does. He’s about to get the ride of his life.” Brian assured his friend trying to ignore the comparisons that Michael was alluding to. This wasn’t Justin and Brian knew it. It was a trick. A young trick, not Brian’s usual casual fare but a nice piece of blond boy ass, just a fuck, he repeated the words in his mind realizing with each repetition the words seemed to ring with more truth. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Justin was just cleaning his brushes when he heard it,a loud crash in the stairwell. “Fuck.” He spat. It was late, the building wasn’t the safest in the area and he knew the lights were out in the stairwell. “Fuck.” He spat again. Moving to his door he debated for a moment whether he should stay still or investigate. Another crash was followed by a cry and he knew what he had to do. He picked up a metal bar that had been left behind by the previous renter and opened the door. He headed toward the stairwell. Opening the door he paused. The well was quiet. He took a deep breath and started down holding his metal bar over his head, ready to strike out at anything that moved. “Stay where you are.” A woman’s voice called. “I’m Justin Taylor.” Justin explained. “I have the studio on the 8th floor. I heard something. Are you okay?” “Are you nuts?” The voice asked incredulously. “Possibly.” Justin admitted. “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.” “I’m fine. The elevator is out and I was carrying some bags up to my apartment, I tripped.” She explained. “My fucking ankle is killing me.” “I’ll help.” Justin felt down the railing until he reached the voice. He felt her hand on the rail and pulled back for a moment not wanting to frighten her. “Here, leave your stuff. Let me get you to your apartment and I’ll come back for it.” He sat on the step above where the woman was, feeling a little surprised when slender arms wrapped around his neck as he helped the girl up the last flight of stairs. They came into the light both blinking from its brightness. “I’m in 812.” The girl offered. “I’m Kate.” Justin smiled. “Let me guess?” She sighed. “You’re gay.” “Yeah, how could you tell?” He asked laughing. “Because you’re the best looking guy whose had his hands on me in months. It only stands to reason that you would be gay.” She sighed again. “Sorry.” He teased as she unlocked her door and he carried her inside. “Can’t help what I am. Guess you’ll just have to get over it or grow a cock.” She laughed at that and it sounded like music to Justin’s ears. He realized at that moment how much he missed Daphne. “There’s a flashlight under the sink.” She motioned. Justin quickly found it then checked the batteries. After searching through a few drawers he located two C cells then headed back down the dark stair well. Justin returned a few minutes later with the sacks of goods that had been scattered in the stairwell. “Thanks.” She smiled. She liked Justin already. There was something really peaceful about his aura. “You need some ice.” He offered moving once more to her kitchen. “Do you live alone?” He asked as he replaced her flashlight under the sink. “Why are you going to rape me?” She spat nervously her previous apprehension returning with a fury. “No.” He shook his head furrowing his brow. “Gay remember?” He opened her freezer and dumped the cubes into a bag then brought it back to her. “I don’t think it’s broken, just a sprain.” She winced as he placed the ice on the swelling. Justin bit his lip. “Is there anyone you can call? I think you might want to get an x-ray.” She shook her head dismissing his concern. “I’ll be fine.” She smiled. “I can take you.” He offered. “You’d have to carry me down eight flights of stairs.” She raised a brow and he laughed. “I’m stronger than I look.” He admitted. He felt her eyes rack over his body making him slightly uncomfortable. She met his gaze and blushed realizing she’d been caught. “I was just wondering…” She attempted to explain then shook her head. “I’ve never met a buff artist before.” She joked. “I’m not buff and how did you know I was an artist.” He asked. “The paint on your shirt and you smell like turpentine.” They both laughed as Justin took in his appearance. “And you are very good looking.” Justin blushed slightly, she found it adorable. “Well, gay men are pretty particular about their bodies, at least the ones I know are.” Justin admitted. “Yeah, I get it. Men are so fickle, five extra pounds and they’re done with me.” Justin smirked at that. “Yeah, men are hard to understand but women are harder.” He shrugged. “No we aren’t. We’re easy. Love us, love us.” She reached her arms out sounding desperate making her guest laugh again. “I can’t believe you’re making me laugh when that ankle has to be killing you.” Justin headed back to the kitchen. “Do you have any Ibu?” “Yeah in the kitchen with the glasses.” She offered. He returned with the bottle and a glass of water. She took the meds then handed him the glass once more. “I’ll just leave it here. You might get thirsty.” He still seemed concerned about leaving her. She found it touching. It had been awhile since any man had seemed to care about her well being this way. She hardly knew this one and yet he was obviously both compassionate and caring. “Well…” She filled the silence. “Need anything else?” He offered. She shook her head. “I can’t lock you in.” He admitted looking back at her door. It was like the one he had, the apartments in the building were set up much like Brian’s loft had been. Justin didn’t want to admit it but knew it was the similarities that had caused him to select the space. “Can you manage?” He turned back meeting her gaze. She nodded. “You aren’t from around here are you?” She smiled enjoying how safe and comfortable she felt in his presence. She had a gift that way. She could read a person within minutes and Justin Taylor was a good person. “No, Pittsburgh.” He offered. She nodded. “You aren’t here very much.” She ventured. “In the building.” She didn’t work so she felt certain she would have already run into this neighbor if he were around. “My studio is here. I live in the village with a friend.” He offered. “Lately I’ve been struggling a bit with my work.” “You live with a friend? A boy friend?” She queried one eyebrow raised. “Not that it’s any of your business.” Justin scolded lightly as he sat on the arm of her couch. “But no.” He relented. She nodded. “So you’re an artist.” She pressed. “Yep, that’s me.” He smiled and she felt herself dazzled a bit by it. Why was it that the men she was the most attracted to all turned out to be gay. Well, at least this time she knew it up front. “Well thanks for helping me. I’d like to see your work sometime if you don’t mind.” She offered her mind already turning. “You know my dad is a huge art collector.” She continued. “You may have heard of him.” Justin raised his brows waiting. “John Conway?” Justin’s eyes went wider causing Kate’s smile to broaden. “You’re Kate Conway?” He asked. She nodded enjoying his reaction. It was nice to know that he’d been kind to her before realizing how much influence she could have on his success. “You are the art critic for the New Yorker?” He clarified. She nodded once more. “Like I said, I’d like to see your work and I’m sure my father would as well.” “Well then by all means.” Justin laughed and she joined in already certain she knew exactly how she could pay this man back for his kindness. “Just drop by anytime.” “I’ll do that.” She watched him rise and take a step toward the door. She hated to see him leave but knew he had work to do. She understood artists. It was important he work while inspiration was fresh in his mind. “Nice to meet you Kate.” He threw back over his shoulder. “You too Justin Taylor.” She emphasized his name letting him know that she wouldn’t forget what he’d done for her. She watched as he slid out of the door before reaching for her phone. She quickly placed the call. There’s nothing like a night among the rich and pretentious to get an artist’s career off the ground. She laughed as she laid her head back against the couch ignoring the throb in her foot. “Dad, it’s Kate.” She paused. “I met an artist tonight that I think would be perfect for your new poster boy.” > Justin woke as usual with his arms around his pillow, his head curled into it, as though it were a body, a long lean body, the familiar warmth of Brian that his body now actively sought even in his sleep. He opened his eyes rubbing his face against the fabric wishing it smelled of a long night of amazing sex laced with faint traces of expensive sandalwood soap. Instead it smelled like detergent and fabric softener. “Brian.” He whispered hating the ache that never quite left him. “Why don’t you call?” He asked the silent bundle in his arms. “How can you just fucking let go?” He asked before burying his face deeper into the soft material. He wouldn’t cry. He’d already been there and done that. It was pointless and only served to make his eyes red and his allergies worse. The air in the city was already doing a number with his sinuses. A light knock on the door caused him to look over his shoulder his brow furrowed. George never disturbed him in the mornings. He knew that Justin usually worked late into the night at his studio, even staying over most nights. That had been the plan the previous night until the incident with his neighbor had broken the artistic flow and Justin had finally retreated home. “Justin.” Daphne called. “Are you awake? It’s almost noon.” He could hear her condemnation and smiled. “Come in.” He called. She threw open the door and was in his arms in mere seconds. . “You look thin.” She offered. “Your cheeks are hollow.” She was concerned. “I’m working on my modeling career.” He dismissed. She let it pass for the moment. “What are you doing here?” “Well I decided to visit.” She beamed. Justin knew that look, the smile a little too broad, the eyes looking more toward him than at him. “George called.” He raised a brow. “He said you were going through a rough patch.” Justin gave a nod sticking his tongue into his cheek as he sat up further in the bed. “Are you naked under there?” She asked pointing. “No.” He replied. “Good.” She beamed crawling over him and under the sheet next to him. He wrapped his arm around her and held her close. “Now what’s this shit about you and Brian?” She came to her point. “There is no me and Brian.” Justin reported. “I left and he’s done.” “That’s bullshit.” She smiled pulling away to meet his gaze. “Brian loves you.” “I know he does but my leaving changed everything.” Justin let out a frustrated sigh before turning back. “I should never have come here.” “I’ll never understand why you two can’t compromise. You know most successful relationships are about compromise, well unless you are into bondage and then it’s about domination.” She gave him a mischievous smile. “Do you ever—“ “No.” Justin laughed pushing her away. “I mean we did bondage but never the Dominate, submission thing.” “Really?” She leaned in. “Don’t you think it’s hot?” “Not if I’m the one who’s wearing the harness and being spanked.” He laughed and she joined him. “I’ve missed you.” He offered. She grew serious. “Me too.” She gave him her lopsided grin. “So are you going to call him?” “I have.” Justin replied. “When?” She countered. “Months ago. I called and called. He would never answer. He’d just let the machine get it.” Justin’s feelings of abandonment were evident on his face. “Justin,” Daphne waited until she looked at him. “This is Brian. Did you think this would be normal? He doesn’t do normal. That’s what makes you two so good together. You both queen out over opposite things. You queen out that he’s with other men and he queens out anytime you walk away.” She offered. “You’re taking another abnormal psychology course aren’t you?” Justin ignored her comment, pinning her with an unimpressed stare. “Yes, and this is all about baggage. He has a fear of abandonment, more than likely linked to his bitch mother. You have a lack of self worth no doubt because of your asshole father.” She shrugged as if she had just solved the mystery of life. “Wow, I wish I’d come to you sooner.” Justin offered with metered sarcasm. “I had no idea how simple it is.” “Oh fuck you.” She spat then laughed. “I’m right. You know that I’m right. Brian has never felt like he was good enough..” “That’s bullshit.” Justin laughed. “No it’s not and if you’d stop being pissed at him you’d see that I’m right.” She grew serious. “Justin, remember what he said to you about never seeing one another again but that it was only time.” “Yeah.” Justin replied quietly the sorrow of that moment forming a lump in throat. “He was saying goodbye, because he more than likely thought it was goodbye. You have to show him that it wasn’t.” She determined. “You have to make sure he knows that you haven’t abandoned him.” “I tried.” Justin argued. “Oh wow, two weeks.” It was time for the brunet to show some sarcasm. “At least I tried.” Justin spat defensively. “Is that what you are going to tell yourself for the next fifty years?” She asked earnestly. “You really think that rationalization is going to make up for losing him?” Justin sat perfectly still her words ringing true muted only by the pain he’d been holding onto all these long weeks. He finally sighed moving out of his bed and reaching for his jeans. “Stop looking at my ass.” He shot over his shoulder. “I’ve seen it up close and personal.” She smiled moving into the warm spot he left behind. “What am I going to do?” He asked. “Well, “She paused considering the situation. “George said that Michael called. He knows what’s going on with Brian. Ask him.” “Michael fucking hates me again.” Justin spat. “He called and yelled at me about not staying in touch with Brian.” “Now how do you think Michael would know that you hadn’t been in touch with Brian?” Daphne ventured feeling as though she were spoon feeding her friend. “How does anyone know anything about Brian?” Justin took a deep breath and grabbed his cell phone off of the dresser. “I’m getting my bag and bringing it in here.” Daphne moved out of the bed. “In here?” Justin questioned. “Yeah I’m staying the week and you’re in the guest room, so looks like we’re bunking in.” She smiled. “Try to keep your hands off of me.” She teased. “It will be a struggle but I’ll do my best.” Justin rolled his eyes. “Hello?” Ben’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Justin swallowed hard before speaking. “Ben? It’s Justin. I need to speak to Michael.” “I’ll get him.” Ben offered. “Things okay in New York?” The concern was evident in Ben’s voice. “Honestly?” Justin huffed. “No, I hate it.” “I’ll get Michael.” Ben smiled. He had always admired Justin honesty. “Michael?” Ben stuck his head into their bedroom. Michael was lying on their bed going through the latest photos Melanie had sent of JR. He glanced up. “It’s Justin.” Michael gave him a solemn nod then took the receiver. “Before you go off, I want to say I’m sorry for the other night.” Michael attempted a preemptive strike. “I didn’t know all the facts.” Justin was taken aback by the tactic. He remained quiet giving Michael the time he needed to continue. “Look, Brian’s struggling.” “I’m in touch with that.” Justin offered. Michael sighed. “I’m not saying that you aren’t, but Brian…….” “Is hurting more than I am? How would you know that?” Justin accused. “Just because you can see his pain and I’m in New York no doubt having the time of my life?” This wasn’t a good start and Michael knew it. “Look Justin.” He took a deep breath refusing to give into his frustration. “I’m not saying you aren’t hurting. I’m sure you are. I’m just telling you that you should keep trying.” “Trying to what? To get him to talk to me? To let me back in? To what Michael?” Justin questioned. “Trying to remember that this is Brian Kinney we are talking about. Mr. I don’t do relationships, but managed to propose to you. Mr. I don’t do love, but actually said it. Mr. he would have left me sooner or later anyways.” Michael offered his voice barely below shouting. He felt Ben’s hand on his shoulder and calmed down. “He’s never had to get over someone before—“ “He doesn’t have to.” Justin argued. “You left him.” Michael lost his battle and accused the blond anyway. “Michael what do you want from me? I tried. I called, I left messages, I emailed him. It can’t always be me trying to hang on to him. He has to try too.” Justin demanded. “Fuck Justin.” Michael spat. “Is it really worth losing him so that you can say it was his fault?” That pulled the blond up short. He glanced over at Daphne who appeared to be unpacking but was obviously eavesdropping. “No.” Justin answered softly anger bleeding away. “Then call him okay?” Michael offered. “Because he’s not going to call you, he’s too busy trying to figure out how he’s going to go on without you to worry about some vain attempt to hold on to you.” “I’ll think about what you’ve said.” Justin offered. “Tell Hunter I said hello and give Deb a kiss.” Michael’s expression softened as Ben removed his hand from his husband’s shoulder. “I will. Take care of yourself. I hope I can see you soon.” Justin disconnected. “It’s still Justin.” Ben reminded Michael as he pulled him into his arms. “I know.” He conceded. “I just get a little protective where Brian is concerned.” He justified. Ben nodded adding a ‘hmph’. Michael kissed him softly then pulled back. “I think he’ll call.” He announced sounding hopeful. “Yeah, he probably will.” Ben agreed. “But will Brian answer?” Michael sighed. He didn’t need to confirm what both men already knew that only time would tell. >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Brian’s alarm went off. He moved to turn it off his arm coming into contact with the blond in his bed. For a moment everything felt right until his brain engaged and he realized that this wasn’t Justin curled into his side, but another man. Pulling away Brian shot Jansen an accusatory glare. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He sat up. “You said I could stay.” Jansen replied weakly(,) the morning taking a sudden turn he’d not expected. “On the couch.” Brian demanded. “Not here. Not in this bed. Not—“ He stopped short of uttering a ridiculous reference to Justin’s side of the bed. Justin no longer had a side in their bed, he had his own bed, miles away in his own apartment, in his own life. “I’m sorry.” Jansen scrambled out from under the sheet backing away from Brian who was now on his own feet his anger evident. “I thought it would be okay.” Came the weak excuse. “Well don’t fucking think it’s obviously not your strong suit.” Brian spat realizing the glaring differences between this kid and Justin. “Now get your clothes on and get the fuck out of my loft.” The older man turned and headed into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up. “Mind if I take a shower.” A hand on his shoulder and soft voice in his ear asked. “Yes, I do mind.” Brian didn’t turn to face the younger man. He moved out of Jansen’s touch entering the shower never turning to watch as the younger man resigned himself to the situation and finally retreated out of the bath and then out of the loft. Brian leaned his head against the glass feeling the warm spray run down his back. He could almost feel Justin’s hands moving over taunt muscle, smoothly bringing each nerve to life. His lips brushing against a bare shoulder blade as fingers curved around Brian’s torso and sought out his chest and stomach. Brian bit his lip hoping to end his body’s desperate need to relive something that would never come again. It had been a brief and wonderful window of time but now that window had closed. He could bring a hundred blond twinks into his bed, but Brian knew it would never be the same. It was all just weak imitations of an original now gone from his life. Days had become weeks and weeks had added up to months and still time seemed to inflict more pain than healing. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>