>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Chapter 4 Paul lay in bed long after Brian had drifted off. He couldn’t stop thinking of Justin. He knew he’d been out of line accusing Brian of fucking the blond in front of the ‘family’ but he’d sensed something from the moment they’d arrived. It had been like some undercurrent of electricity flowing between the two men. He and Brian had both been silent on the way back to the loft but once they arrived, things had turned ugly once more. Brian had finally thrown down the gauntlet. He was going to start tricking again and if Paul didn’t like it he could pack his shit and get out. The older man had been stunned. He’d really never seen it coming. Brian had given up the backrooms after the barest of suggestion. Paul had assumed that part of the man’s life was dead and gone, but then he’d thought the same of Justin. He’d only heard that name for the first time in connection with Brian a month ago and already he was starting to realize that he’d underestimated the man’s influence. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of his lover’s breathing. It brought back to him memories of previous lovers, mainly of Robert. The man he’d given his life to years ago on a beach in the Bahamas. They’d been so happy together and then one by one their friends had gotten sick. Some strange flu, then it was called a mutant pneumonia and then finally the truth came out. AIDS, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, such a long name but then most terminal illnesses are long, drawn out, painful and hard to understand. Neither one handled the diagnosis well. Robert had immediately gone into denial while Paul had launched into accusations. It hadn’t been until Robert was almost gone that Paul had realized that the man had been telling him the truth. He hadn’t acquired the disease through infidelity, but instead he’d been infected through a blood transfusion he’d received during an emergency appendectomy in the early eighties. Paul rolled to his side, the pain slowing rising within him. It had been years since he’d allowed himself to dwell on Robert and the hole that still remained in his heart. Surely Justin was feeling much the same. Paul remembered how raw he had felt, exhausted and frightened. Miracle upon miracles, his tests had never come back positive and yet for years he’d always wondered when the test results would change. R9, the strain Justin’s lover had succumbed to was new and merciless. Paul had read enough to know that the last few months of Justin’s lover’s life had to have been unbearable and by extension, Justin’s life must have been equally horrific as well. He shifted once more in the bed feeling guilty for suggesting that Justin return to Paris. Of course the man didn’t want to go back to Paris. Paul never even thought of visiting Denver anymore. It was all faded memories now. Brian murmured in his sleep. Paul turned to prop himself up on an elbow listening. It wasn’t like Brian to talk in his sleep. “Brian?” Paul whispered hoping to pull the man from whatever dream that was consuming him. “Brian?” Paul reached out and touched the man’s shoulder shaking him gently. “Justin.” Brian murmured once more causing Paul to retract his hand in disgust. He got up and moved out of their bedroom refusing to share his bed with the blond. Two was company but three was a crowd, and ever since the blond had returned, Paul had begun to feel squeezed out. He knew that he had to act fast if he was going to hang on to Brian. It was obvious now that it wouldn’t take much for the brunet to slip away. Glancing down at the counter he picked up his planning book. It held all the details that he and Emmett had assembled for the special day. Thumbing through the ideas he pulled out the invitations he was ready to send out. Pulling out an extra with an envelop he moved to Brian’s desk. This one he would hand deliver just as soon as he put the others in the mail. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> “So you just do freelance?” Ed asked as he sipped his coke. Justin nodded. “I’m looking for something more substantial but it’s a tough market. I have an interview for a gallery position. I’ll know something in a week or two.” He admitted. “So last I heard you were looking for a house.” Justin changed the subject. “Yeah, and we found one.” Daphne smiled. “And ….” She glanced at Ed who merely smiled and nodded. “It’s here in town.” “No shit?” Justin beamed. “You’re moving back?” Daphne nodded and laughed as Justin reached across the table and embraced her. “That’s great news.” He announced, smiling over at Ed as well. “Yeah well there’s more.” Daphne added giddily. “Seems that we weren’t too careful on our honeymoon.” She raised her eyebrows. “No.” Justin stated in disbelief. “You aren’t.” She smiled brightly and reached for Ed. “Four months.” She announced. “I’m showing. I can’t believe you didn’t notice.” She teased. “But you were married six months ago.” Justin teased back. “Hey, who said the honeymoon ends when you get back from Hawaii?” Ed added. Justin shuddered causing both Ed and Daphne to laugh. “I won’t bore you with the details.” Ed teased. “I owe you one for that.” Justin affirmed then turned more serious. “Wow, that’s great news. I’m so happy for you both. I’m still sorry that I missed the wedding.” He glanced down then back up. Daphne looked to Ed then reached for Justin’s hand. “We understood.” She reassured him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I know it had to be awful.” He pulled his hand away and swallowed hard looking away for a long moment until he was sure he could go on. He refused to lose it in front of Ed. “Yeah.” Justin dismissed refusing to go there. “So where is the house?” Daphne noticed the way Justin continued to change the subject and knew her friend was hurting a lot more than he was letting on. “Kingston.” She replied. “That’s one block from where I used to live.” He surmised. “Yep, your mom found it for us.” Daphne added. “She’s really nice.” Ed offered. “She was a huge help.” Justin nodded. He glanced down at his watch. “Shit, I have a meeting.” He reached for his coat. “I’m sorry. They called this morning and I have to take what I can get.” Daphne nodded but was sincerely concerned about her friend. She’d suspected that seeing Justin for the first time since Andy’s death with Ed would be a mistake. Now she knew that it had been. She needed to get Justin alone so she could find out what was really going on with the blond. “I’ll call you later.” She warned. There was no way she was letting him off the hook like this. Something was definitely up and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. Justin hated lying but hated even more sitting across from the happy couple with sorrow and pity hanging in the air. He’d wanted to see Daphne, he’d wanted to meet Ed, he’d wanted to hear all about their life together, but he didn’t want to talk about his dead lover. He kissed her cheek and shook hands with Ed before rushing out the door. “He’s nice.” Ed admitted. “So you’re convinced now that he isn’t going to jump your bones?” Daphne asked still irritated by her new husband’s stupid notions. Ed blushed. He felt embarrassed that he’d ever thought such a thing about Justin. “I don’t have any gay friends. I wasn’t sure what to expect.” He offered weakly in his own defense. “Well now you do and you see how fucking stupid it was to think that he would have EVER made a move on you. He knows when someone is straight. He’d no more be interested in you than you are in him.” She knew her tone wasn’t a little too harsh but she wanted to make sure that they were clear with one another. “I said I was an idiot.” Ed admitted. “No you hadn’t, but I accept your admission.” Daphne replied sweetly. “He’s been through a lot.” Ed observed. “He sure doesn’t want to talk about the guy that died.” “Andy.” Daphne corrected. “I noticed that too. I’m going to find him tomorrow and get to the bottom of where he really is with all of that.” “I can’t imagine it.” Ed sobered. “I’d be lost if anything happened to you.” Daphne brought his hand to her lips and kissed it softly. “I know exactly how you feel.” She replied her mind split between the handsome man by her side and the one who had just left. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Justin was surprised when he pulled up at his mother’s to see Paul waiting for him. “Justin, there you are.” Paul cooed insincerely. Justin faltered in his steps trying to get a good read on the man. “Yep, here I am.” Justin replied as he slowly made his way up to the front door where the man was waiting. “What do you need?” He asked as he passed Paul and unlocked the front door. “Actually I wanted to give you this.” Paul extended the invitation. Justin stared at it with amusement as he retrieved it from the man’s hand. Opening the door he paused once more. “Was that it or was there something more?” He stood his ground. “Well actually.” Paul looked to the ground uncomfortably before looking up. “I wanted to apologize for what I said at Deb’s.” “What are you talking about?” Justin asked stepping aside as the man passed into his mother’s house. She was out showing properties as Justin flipped on the light and headed upstairs. Paul took in the home. It was exactly what he had expected. Justin had an air about him that screamed that he’d grown up with an understanding of the finer things in life. “I should never have brought up Paris. I know better than anyone how painful all of this has been for you.” Justin refused to acknowledge his comments. “Want something to drink?” He offered instead. “No thank you.” Paul moved to the shelves noticing the picture of Justin with the young blond. “Is this Andrew?” He asked. Justin gave a brief nod then laid his portfolio against the wall. “Well if there isn’t anything else.” Justin began, apologies aside, he wanted the man out of his mother’s home. “Actually there was one more thing.” Paul turned to confront the blond hating him all the more for looking so impossibly young and handsome. Justin braced himself. He’d had a feeling that this moment was coming ever since the dinner at Deb’s house. Justin raised an eyebrow impatiently. “Keep your dick away from my partner.” Paul warned. “Paul, I don’t know—“ “What I’m talking about? What to say? Whether Brian has confessed to me yet or not?” Paul challenged. “We both know he would never do that, but I can tell it’s you that he’s fucking.” Justin remained quiet refusing to look away. Justin could tell his demeanor was throwing Paul off his game a bit. Paul was furious to see how nonchalant Justin was about the entire affair. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” He finally demanded. “So we fucked.” Justin furrowed his brow. “We were careful. It’s just sex.” “Is that the way you felt when he was fucking men behind your back?” Paul accused. “He never fucked men behind my back.” Justin admitted. “Oh really?” Paul laughed. “Surely you don’t believe he was faithful only to you?” Justin found his laughter irritating. “No, he fucked men in front of me. There was nothing secretive about it.” Justin offered. “It was just sex.” “And that didn’t bother you.” Justin didn’t reply and Paul had his answer. “Well then you understand. Keep your dick in your pants where my partner is concerned and we’ll get along just fine. Understood?” Paul warned. “What makes you think I give a shit if we get along? Why are you making such a big fucking deal over one fuck? We had a history. It happened. Get the fuck over it or you’ll lose him.” Justin warned. “Like you could ever take him away from me.” Paul laughed again this time not as confidently. He stopped almost as quickly as he started. “You can’t really enjoy being a pity fuck.” Paul surmised. He enjoyed how Justin’s eyes narrowed in anger. “I mean it’s all it ever was to him. That’s why he fucked other men, that’s why it was doomed from the beginning. Whatever happened between the two of you was the same ol’ same ol’.” Paul paused at the top of the steps leading down to the front door. “Pity always makes my dick soft, but I guess some weaker men get off on it.” It was obvious that Paul thought Justin to be one of those men. “Get out.” Justin ordered. “Oh I’m leaving.” Paul smiled victoriously. He was glad he’d made his point with the younger man. “Feel free to make other plans on the 18th. I’m sure Brian and I would both understand if you couldn’t make it to our ceremony.” He moved without haste to the door. Justin stood paralyzed for a moment as the words sunk in and began to take their toll. Had it been pity the other afternoon? Was that all that it was? Feeling overwhelmed, he realized that he need to get away. He needed to disconnect. Heading back into his room, he quickly changed clothes. In thirty minutes he was back in his car and heading for Liberty Avenue. Brian had had a shit day and the last thing he wanted was to go home and pick up where the fight with Paul had ended. He was finding it harder to breathe in the loft. He felt suffocated. He entered the club for the first time in months and allowed the beat of the music to sooth him. He moved directly to the bar and ordered up a Jim Beam. Downing it he looked around him. Not a familiar face in the crowd. He smiled to himself as he enjoyed the surge of adrenaline that always accompanied the beginning of the hunt. He’d missed it over the last year. Scanning the dance floor he immediately found himself surprised to see a familiar blond head. It was Justin and he was pressed to another blond, both of their bodies grinding in such a way that Brian had no doubt where their next stop was taking them. Instinct had him gravitating toward his ex-lover. He moved across the floor with purpose, snaking his arm around Justin’s waist and pulling the blond back against his body. Justin was drunk but more than aware of whose arms were holding him. He wanted to issue some biting remark about pity, but in all honesty he felt rather pathetic at the moment. The alcohol, meant to numb his sorrow, had instead only magnified it. Now Justin desperately needed someone to take the pain away. He turned away from the man he’d been teasing, ignoring the indignant huff, as he wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck and pulled him down into a kiss. It felt wonderful and familiar. Justin pushed Paul’s hateful revelations out of his mind reveling in the smell and taste of Brian. There was no one else who had ever made him feel this way, so possessed and obsessed. With Brian it was love, wild, one of a kind love, Justin gave himself over to it, banishing thoughts of Andy to the back of his mind. He giggled as he pictured Paul and Andy sitting in a corner of his mind critiquing his performance with Brian. “What’s a boy like you doing in a place like this?” Brian whispered huskily in Justin’s ear. “Looking for a donation.” Justin replied kissing him once more. Brian could taste the whiskey on the younger man’s tongue and felt the heaviness of his body as he leaned in. Justin was more than feeling good, he was drunk. It wasn’t like Justin to get drunk on his own. Brian considered the situation then realized that he had to admit that he really didn’t know what Justin’s typical behavior included these days. For all he knew the man got drunk like this every night. He resented the thought of Justin in Paris drunk and fucking other men. A flash of the man from the photograph raced across Brian’s mind and he found himself wondering what Andy did on nights like this. Brian wanted Justin. He wanted him more than he’d ever wanted him in his life. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that afternoon that they had shared. He could see, feel, smell and taste every moment of it. It had been so much more than just sex. It had felt like coming home. Justin’s body was home, the way they moved together and silently understood. The way Justin gave as good as he got. The way his soft moans seemed to spur Brian on and his loud cries always threw the brunet over the edge. Now the younger man was writhing in his arms, once more all but begging to be taken to the back room and fucked within an inch of his life. Who was Brian to deny him? He pulled the blond by his shirt toward the backroom. It was all so public. They’d always enjoyed a night of exhibitionism over the course of their relationship. It was something they both knew and understood but never verbalized aloud. Brian kissed him deeply as he pressed him against the cool wall working at his zipper. Justin stopped him staring up into his eyes. “Will you be needing a receipt for your charitable contribution?” Brian furrowed his brow then dismissed the comment wondering if Justin even knew what he was saying. Brian ripped the zipper down then felt Justin’s fingers working his as well. They had it down to a routine, but unlike the routine he shared now with Paul this one was exciting and had Brian’s dick leaking before Justin’s warm hand ever touched him. Brian moaned deep in his throat as he watched Justin lower himself to his knees and take him down his throat. He felt his knees buckle and knew Justin’s hands on his ass were the only things keep him upright. Brian watched as his cock disappeared time and again. Justin had perfected deep throating years ago. Brian pulled away before he lost it and once more was confronted with two penetrating blue eyes. “So is this your good deed for the day?” The blond asked. “Couldn’t find any old ladies to help across the street?” Brian felt angered by Justin’s tone. It was as though he was challenging the other man but Brian had no idea why. He turned the willing blond until Justin was facing away from him. He jerked down Justin’s pants and quickly suited up for the task before him. Brian entered Justin’s body and waited for a moment as the blond reacted. “You’re so fucking generous.” Justin announced as he pushed back. Brian felt the man wobble and knew that Justin was far drunker than he’d first assessed. Brian began pounding in, slow but hard, pressing the breath from Justin’s body. Justin held onto the wall to keep from floating away. Brian pressed him painfully into it refusing to let him touch himself. Justin fought for control which only seemed to incite them both more as they fucked each other with increasing momentum. “Brian.” Justin warned as he realized he was about to cum. Brian grabbed his hips and angled just so striking Justin’s prostate. The resulting spasm of the blond’s ass sent Brian over the edge as well. They held to each other as they rode out the full impact of one another’s orgasm. Afterwards Brian found himself dressing Justin who was far too inebriated to manage it on his own. “I’m taking you home.” Brian whispered and for a moment Justin felt his heart leap in that old familiar way that it used to, all those years back when he’d never known exactly when Brian was going to let him come back to the loft. “Will your mom be there?” Brian finished straightening Justin’s shirt, his words working like a splash of cold water in the blond’s face. Justin immediately pulled away. “Thanks for the fuck. I’ll get a receipt for your taxes to you as soon as possible.” The blond spat then started to move past him. Brian reached out in confusion and stopped him. He waited for some explanation. “What the fuck are you talking about? Generosity? Tax deductions? Charity.” He asked tired of the game. “Nothing.” Justin pulled out of his grip. “You’ve done your good deed for the day. I don’t need you to take care of me.” Justin took two steps and plowed into a much bigger guy who immediately took advantage of the smaller man’s condition wrapping his arms around the blond. “You’ll do.” He sneered as Justin struggled out of his thick muscular arms. “Fuck off.” Brian warned. The man laughed not wishing to have a scene then pushed the blond in Brian’s direction. “Ready for me to take you home?” Brian asked. Justin shook his head taking a step out of Brian’s arms. He gave the older man one last sorrow filled look before stumbling out of the backroom and out onto the dance floor. Brian hated to leave Justin to fend for himself but after several more attempts to take the man home he finally stormed off leaving the blond to find his own way. He tried to tell himself that what Justin had said was true. He really wasn’t Brian’s concern anymore. Brian had just entered the loft when Paul stepped out of the bedroom. “Where have you been?” Paul asked angrily. “Where do you think?” Brian continued into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water before heading up into the bedroom to strip and jump into a hot shower. “Is this going to be the way things are?” Paul asked defensively. “What?” Brian asked innocently. “You, fucking other men, coming in late, being an asshole when I question you.” Paul stood his arms crossed over his chest. “Yep.” Brian replied as he headed into the bathroom. “You know, “Paul shouted through the closed door. “Sometimes I wonder if you love me at all!” Brian met his gaze in the mirror whispering “Me too.” Paul walked away from the bathroom door knowing that he had played it badly. He knew that the nagging partner was not the best approach. If he truly wanted Brian to stop he needed to be cool and unaffected. He was disappointed in his performance. He was good at getting his way, but it was all about calculations. He’d underestimated the Justin factor. He wouldn’t make that mistake again. Paul took a seat on the couch rethinking his strategy. He needed to form a plan and hold on to some self restraint. Brian would stop this nonsense in time. Paul just needed to find the right motivation to make it happen. He’d already taken the first step by confronting Justin. Now he just had to come up with the next part of the plan. Brian was no doubt acting out at as a result of the upcoming ceremony. He was merely sowing his last wild oats. Once they were officially joined Brian would stop and all would be well again. Justin woke in a strange bed. He glanced over and wasn’t surprised that the man was as unfamiliar as the bed. He sat up then grabbed his head sure that any moment it was going to roll off of his shoulders. He winced as he eased himself out of bed and began looking for his clothes. His ass ached. He looked down and noted the bruises on his hips. Glancing toward the bed he noted the man’s muscular build and wondered what the fuck he’d been thinking going home with such a bear. Finding his clothes scattered from the front door to the bed, he gingerly pulled his pants up over his aching ass. He felt a slight panic and he tiptoed to the trash can. Justin was relieved to see several used condoms. He wondered how many times they had fucked, but knew it was beyond his ability to remember, so he dropped the issue. He was just putting on his shoes when he man’s voice startled him. “Sneaking out?” Justin looked over and realized that the man was handsome. At least even drunk Justin knew he had standards. “I have to go.” Justin whispered. “Last night was amazing. I can’t remember ever being with someone so …..alive.” The man commented. Justin smirked in disgust. “Yeah whatever.” He suddenly felt sick wishing he’d never gone to the club and wondering why he had. “So can I call you?” The man stood and started over in Justin’s direction. “The bruises all over my body say no.” Justin spat. “Shit, I bruised you?” The man seemed genuinely concerned. “Maybe it was the brunet.” He offered. “What brunet?” Justin asked getting a sudden flash of Brian in the backroom. “The one you were with in the backroom. The guy who told me to fuck off when I first saw you.” The man reached out as if to touch Justin. The blond moved away. He was still trying to piece together how Brian figured into the previous night. “I have to go.” Justin picked up his pace ignoring the man’s offer to give him his number. Once out on the street he took several deep breaths as he tried to figure out where he was. He didn’t recognize anything. Pulling out his cell phone he dialed Daphne’s new number. Giving her the name of the street and number on the apartment building he hung up. It was embarrassing but not as embarrassing as calling his mother. Fifteen minutes later his friend pulled up. “How do you wake up and not know how to find your car?” She demanded as she pulled away from the curb. Justin cradled his head giving her the answer she had expected. “Tell me you played safe.” She demanded. Justin nodded weakly. “Thanks for picking me up.” Justin offered hoping to end the lecture. “Why didn’t you return my calls?” She demanded ignoring his gratitude. “I just saw you yesterday.” He offered weakly. “Fuck that Justin. You know we couldn’t talk yesterday that’s why I called you all afternoon. Now tell me what is up with you? I mean we haven’t seen each other in years really and now we are in the same town I get the feeling you aren’t going to level with me.” She headed down Liberty pulling down the alley everyone used for Babylon. There they found Justin’s car. Stopping, she was shocked when it appeared that he was about to get out without answering her question. “Why are you avoiding me?” She demanded. Justin sighed and leaned his head back on the seat grateful that the alley was dark with shadows. “I’m not. I was busy.” He defended. “Look, I had an interview then I got home and someone was waiting for me, I knew you had called, but I just didn’t want to talk. Besides we both know what you wanted to talk about.” He looked over. She furrowed her brow. “You don’t want to talk about Andy, fine, we don’t have to.” She stated her voice softening with each word. “But don’t shut me out.” She warned. “I love you Justin. I have since kindergarten. I was supposed to marry you, remember.” She smiled and he smirked glancing over at her his eyes filled with affection. He nodded. “Paul came to see me yesterday?” He offered softly. “Paul?” Daphne looked at him in confusion. “Brian’s Paul.” Justin explained. “What?” Daphne hadn’t heard any of this and had to admit she was concerned that Justin was still talking about Brian. She could still vividly remember the call she’d received the night Justin had left Brian. She wanted to go over and chew the man a new asshole herself. “Yeah. They are getting committed or whatever the fuck. They’re having a ceremony.” She could tell from his voice that he was hurt but trying not to show it. She remained quiet, patiently waiting for the rest. “He came to see me to explain how I was only a pity fuck for Brian.” “What?” She huffed. “Yeah, we did it a couple of weeks back. Paul came over to make sure I understood a few things.” Justin sighed and shook his head. “You fucked Brian?” Daphne asked thinking of Andy and how much Justin had seemed to adore him. “It was just a fuck.” Justin excused. “We didn’t plan it. We ran into each other on the street and the next thing we knew—“ “Whatever.” Daphne refused to buy the spontaneous sex bit, but was now truly concerned for Justin. He was clearly not over Andy and had already fallen back into bed with Brian. This wasn’t good. “It was all charity.” Justin looked out the window for a moment remembering the first time he’d felt like a pity fuck. He’d left and headed back to Deb’s. Brian had come after him and things had improved but in the end they’d fallen apart. Maybe Brian did just feel sorry for him all those years. Maybe he just hadn’t known how to get rid of Justin. Something told Justin is was a lie but that voice was so muted it barely registered any more. It had kept him alive for years but now he wasn’t sure whether he could trust it. “No it wasn’t.” Daphne demanded. “He loved you.” She hated defending Brian especially after all he’d done to Justin. “No.” Justin shook his head playing with a spot on Daphne’s dashboard. “I use to think that but not anymore.” He cleared his throat. He had believed it. He’d believed it with his whole heart. It had been real hadn’t it? Or had time somehow shined up those memories to be better than they had been? “You miss him?” Daphne asked softly reaching for her friend’s hand. “Yeah, sometimes.” He admitted. “It will get easier.” She offered. Justin glanced up. “In time the pain will ease and you won’t remember how terrible things were in the end. You’ll have all the good memories to keep you company.” Justin smiled as a few of those fond memories danced across his brain. “That’s it.” Daphne encouraged seeing the small smile on her friend’s face. “Remember the good things about your time with Andy.” Justin nodded then quickly made his excuse and left her car. He barely noticed the sound of her car as she drove away. He was too busy struggling with the guilt that it had been his memories with Brian not Andy that he had been thinking of. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Brian wasn’t sure what he was doing as he pulled up in front of Jennifer Taylor’s condo. He got out of his car then got back in feeling like an idiot. He’d tossed and turned all night wishing he had forced the blond to let him take him home. Now he was here trying to pass off some lame excuse of an assignment for Justin in order to make certain that the man had made it home safely. It felt dishonest and Brian found himself wondering when he’d started shading the truth. Sighing Brian exited the car one last time and started up the walk. He was almost to the front door when he heard another car pull into the drive. Turning he was surprised and relieved to see Justin getting out of the car. He was wearing the same clothing that he’d had on at the club the night before. Brian wondered where Justin had spent the night and with whom. He felt a surge of jealousy but labeled it concern instead as he began moving toward the other man. “Are you just getting in?” The words slipped out before he could stop them. “Why? Not pathetic as staying in?” Justin pushed past the man. Brian caught him and pulled him up short. “What the fuck do you keep going on about?” He demanded. “Ask your PARTNER.” Justin spat jerking his arm free wincing slightly from his hangover. Brian furrowed his brow as Justin reached the front door. “What are you talking about?” Brian tried again. “What does Paul have to do with this?” He followed the blond into the house and was relieved to discover that Jennifer Taylor was nowhere to be found. As they passed through the living room Brian noted a familiar envelop on the coffee table. He veered over to it allowing Justin to enter the kitchen alone. It had Justin’s name on the front but wasn’t addressed or stamped. “Hand delivered.” Justin spoke from the doorway. Brian turned to consider him. “I feel so special.” Justin rolled his eyes then walked by snatching it from Brian’s hand. “You won’t be offended if I don’t make it.” Brian shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about that.” He indicated the envelope which Justin had just tossed back onto the table. “I want to talk about last night.” “What about it?” Justin challenged. “Where did you stay last night?” Brian asked notices a bruise on Justin’s arm and also one on his neck. “Go home Brian.” Justin sat in the far chair staring at the man. “Go home to your wife. I’m not your responsibility anymore. I don’t need your charity.” Brian furrowed his brow. “Charity?” He asked incredulously. “Is that what you think this is?” “Isn’t it?” Justin challenged. “Paul seems to think so. He thinks I’m nothing more to you than a pity fuck.” “Pity makes my dick soft.” Brian argued. “You know that. Did it feel soft last night?” Justin waved his comment off. “Just go home Brian. I’m not your problem. You have a wife to think of—“ “Stop calling him that. He’s not my wife.” Brian demanded. “Right. Husband.” Justin corrected. “So much for never getting married.” Justin glared up at the man. “Justin—“ “Save it. I don’t want to hear any lame excuses about me needing time to grow up or you not wanting to hold me back.” He stood and moved back into the kitchen to get more water. Brian sighed wondering if there were any words that might help the situation. He knew it had been his lack of words that had cost him the young man years ago. He wondered if he was about to watch history repeat itself. He waited until Justin reappeared. “Justin I never meant to hurt you.” Brian’s offered unsure of how Justin would receive his explanation. “Great. Thanks I feel much better now. You can walk away clean.” Justin once more met sincerity with sarcasm. “Fuck, what do you want from me?!” Brian shouted. “Nothing!” Justin returned. “I stopped wanting anything from you years ago, so just get the fuck out and go back to your wife!” “Justin.” Brian tried once more. “I know the way we ended was rough—“ “Rough? Rough? You think THAT was rough?” Justin laughed. “You don’t have a fucking clue what rough is. Try living through the hell I occupied for a year then you can talk to me about rough!” Justin pushed off of the door way and threw a gesture toward the stairs. “Go home Brian.” He stated softer than before. “Go back to your life. There’s nothing for you here.” Brian watched as the blond moved past him then down the hall. A few moments later he heard the shower start. He stood in the middle of Jennifer Taylor’s living room debating his next move. He didn’t want to go home not to Paul, not to anyone. He wanted to stay here with Justin, somehow find the words that had escaped him so many years ago. Say the words that had failed him that night and cost him everything, everything that he’d ever really loved.