Thank you for your patience. I got this out as soon as I could. I think there will be four more chapters but I might be wrong. I’m still working a bit of it out in my head. If I forget to do so, please know that I appreciate each of you for hanging in there through this very long and sometimes angst filled story. I love to write but knowing someone is actually reading makes it so much more fun. Also thanks to those of you who take the time to send me feedback. I’ve gotten some wonderful ideas and insights into how this story has impacted my readers. It means a lot to know that you would take the time to just let me know you are still out there and enjoying it. Book 5 Chapter 6 Justin straightened his shirt as he stared at himself in the mirror. It was a big day. The ground breaking for the new music wing at the Center, Ethan’s music wing, Justin watched his own face, sober as the bitter sweet thought overshadowed the excitement of the day. He’d been so young. He’d had so much talent, so many dreams that would never be reality. Justin had often wondered why he hadn’t been the one killed. After all, he was the one who was supposed to be driving them home. Ethan had seemed so nervous when they’d met him at the security gate. He’d been wired and avoided looking at Justin, let alone talking to him. Instead he’d focused on Stephen. Talking to their son, kissing him, zooming him overhead like an airplane until they reached the car. It was then that Ethan had announced that he wanted to drive. Justin had considered arguing but things were so strained he didn’t feel like having yet another fight over something so irrelevant. He’d tossed Ethan the keys once Stephen was in his car seat. Justin could still see in his mind the keys flying in the air. Sometimes in his dreams he was able to reach out in slow motion and take them back, delay their trip, to save Ethan’s life. But that was the way of dreams, so many second chances. Life wasn’t like that. As if reading his thoughts, Brian came up behind him and circled his waist planting a kiss on his neck. He was decked out in his best Armani. “Blow job for your thought.” He whispered causing Justin to laugh. “You know that’s pretty catchy. You might be onto something.” Brian laughed as well spinning the man in his arms and kissing him soundly. He had sensed the sadness and apprehension in the smaller man. He knew that today marked something good and also something sad in the blonde’s life. He wasn’t sure how he could help Justin deal with it all, but he would be there all the same. “You ready?” Brian asked pulling away. “Yeah.” Justin admitted. “So you ever meet this Reinhold character?” Brian asked as they headed out of the bedroom. “Nope, but he’ll be there today.” He reached for Stephen who was also decked out in his finest. He was all baby blue, white and adorable. “Is that a bunny on his sweater?” Brian demanded. Justin looked down he really wasn’t sure. It was an outfit his mother had bought for Stephen. Seeing the culprit he nodded guiltily to his partner. “Sunny boy.” Brian reached for the baby, throwing a dose of mock disappointment in Justin’s direction. “Let Daddy make that ridiculous bunny disappear.” “We don’t have time.” Justin warned. “There is always time for fashion.” Brian replied carrying the baby back up into the bedroom to find a new sweater. They returned a few moments later. “There.” He handed Stephen back to Justin. Justin kissed Stephen’s cheek then punched at Brian’s arm. “Let’s go boys, we have some ground to break.” The headed out of the loft together. ********************************** “Chris!” His mother called from the bottom of the stairs. “Telephone.” Chris finished running the towel through his wet hair as he picked up the cordless in his room. “Hello.” He replied quickly using his free hand to finish drying his chest. “You know where to be and when to be there today right?” Mark’s voice caused the other man to furrow his brow and sigh. He paused feeling conflicted once more about his involvement in whatever Reinhold had planned for Justin. Chris hadn’t realized how deeply he still cared for Justin until the blond had shown up in his office the other day. Since that afternoon, he’d thought of nothing else. How could he be a part of hurting Justin again? “Mark,” Chris hesitated once more before making his plea. “Hasn’t he suffered enough? I mean he was pretty upset when he came to my office. I think your little ‘gifts’ affected him more than you had expected. I’d think that would be enough for you.” “Oh Chris, your naivety would really be charming if you were intelligent even in the slightest degree, but you aren’t. You’re a stupid jock who has a rich mommy and daddy who will make sure you remain in the upper class. Thinking was never your strong suit Christopher, so why don’t you leave the thinking to the big boys and you do what you have done best all of your life which is take orders.” Mark sarcasm turned bitter in the end. Chris reddened at the remarks. He really hated the asshole and would be glad when his involvement with the nut was over once and for all. “I just don’t understand what he could have—“ Chris began. “That isn’t your concern. You just do what I say and worry about what I might do to you if you don’t.” Mark spat. “What do I have to do?” Chris replied in defeat. “All that is required in your presence today at the Center.” Mark instructed. “I’ll take care of Kinney.” Mark stated euphorically. Chris felt a shudder run through his body. He wasn’t sure what Mark was capable of, but now it seemed much more sinister than a few stupid gifts. This was quickly moving past petty harassment and into the area of criminal intent. “What about Kinney?” Chris asked hesitantly feeling the need to see further down the road. “Well let’s just say that if you ever decide to be a man about your life, your favorite piece of blond boy ass will more than likely be back on the market.” Mark laughed while Chris remained silent. He tried to figure out what it could be that Mark was up to. “What are you planning?” Chris asked not liking the fact that he’d already been framed once and this was more than likely another set up. “You know that cop took a sample of my handwriting.” Chris added. “Good thing you never write anything down. “ Mark replied coolly. “Just be there.” The line went dead. Chris slumped onto the end of his bed staring blankly at the receiver. He knew what he should do. He knew what was the right thing to do. He just wasn’t sure he had to courage to do it. If Reinhold found out he would make good on his promise. Chris knew if his father ever found out about his sexuality that the man would disown him just as Justin Taylor’s father had disowned the blond five years ago. He’d have nothing, but then again what good was having everything if he had to live a lie to have it? Chris heard a light rap on his door. “Honey.” His mother called through the door. “Yeah.” Chris replied still distracted by his thoughts. “Dad said that he needed you there by 10 for the Board meeting.” She offered. “Okay.” Chris replied glancing at the clock. He had time, it was only one call, he could place it anonymously. It was just that Justin would never believe him. Discarding that thought he began looking up the number of the one person who might believe him. Chris knew that this was his one chance to redeem himself. Whether it cost him everything or not, he had to take this opportunity before it was too late. Clearing his throat he summoned his courage. “Yes,” His voice cracked slightly so he cleared it again as the receptionist waited patiently. “I’d like to speak to Brian Kinney please.” ****************************************** Justin dropped Stephen off and headed up to this office. “Justin!” Max called as he reached the top of the stairs. Justin looked down the hall and saw Max standing next to a young man with brown hair. There was something familiar about him but he was too far away for Justin to make out his features. He walked down the hall to meet the waiting men. He started running through past acquaintances trying to place the man. There was something nagging at him about this man, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “Mark. This is Justin Taylor-Gold.” Justin extended his hand still trying to place the face. Mark accepted his hand, a cool smile covering his lips. “Nice to meet you.” Mark replied warmly. Justin continued to stare at him as Mark watched the warm blue eyes suddenly cool. He smiled wider as the realization of who he was dawned on the blond. “I was a huge fan of your partner’s.” Mark emphasized the final word making it clear that he found that concept amusing. Justin’s eyes narrowed further. Max noted the sudden change in Justin’s demeanor but had no idea what could have caused it. It seemed that they were at a stand off. Max cleared his throat. “I was a huge fan as well.” He blurted out. “In fact, I had the privilege of attending one of Ethan’s performances.” Max offered. His eyes were moving from Mark to Justin and back as the two men continued to stare at one another. It was as if he was watching a train wreck in slow motion. He could see the damage but had no idea what was the cause. “When did you first hear Ethan play?” Max asked laying his hand on Mark’s arm and guiding him away from Justin back toward the conference room. Mark allowed it, still visibly amused by Justin’s reaction. As they entered the conference room, Mark took a seat then watched as Justin sat opposite of him before answering. “It was in Harrisburg.” Mark stated confidently, his eyes locked with Justin’s. “He was brilliant at the symphony and then later he offered me a private performance.” Mark smugly grinned at the blond. Justin gave the man an icy glare as he rose and headed for the door. “Justin?” Max called in confusion. He gave an apologetic smile to Mark as he followed his Art Director out into the hall. Mark chuckled softly basking in the moment. “What the fuck are you doing?” Max asked as he pulled the blond back to face him. “He’s an asshole.” Justin spat. “We’ve met before.” He spat. “I knew I’d seen him before, but it took me a few seconds—“ Justin sighed in frustration trying to get a grip on his emotions. He hated the prick in the conference room, but at the moment Justin realized he hated Ethan more. “Justin.” Max voice was softer this time as he tried to get to the bottom of what had the young man so upset. “He was at the Harrisburg concert. Ethan’s first. He showed up the next day with fucking roses at our apartment. Ethan told me that he was a nut, a stalker, some psycho fan. He even called his manager to find out how the creep got our address.” Justin looked down then back up. Max saw something flicker in the blue eyes he still cared so much for. “And..” He stated waiting patiently. “And I think they slept together.” Justin stated softly. He glanced back to the conference room. “Ethan denied it but..” He stared up at Max with resignation. “Somehow I just knew.” Max nodded. “If this is too hard for you.” He offered. “No, I just don’t feel like having my nose rubbed in it.” Justin sighed. Justin had been so excited about today. He’d hoped it would somehow bring him one step closer to some sort of peace and closure over the loss of his partner, but now he found himself surrounded by insecurity and unpleasant memories. “I’ll be at the ground breaking.” Justin stated softly. “But until then, I really have no interest in seeing Mr. Reinhold, or his smug arrogant fucking face.” Max nodded then released Justin’s arm. “We’ll stay out of your hair.” Max promised. Justin gave his boss a small smile then headed back towards his office wondering how he was going to get through the rest of the day. *************************************** “Mr. Kinney isn’t available at the moment, can I take a message?” Chris sighed unsure of what he should do. He’d called twice from the house and twice from his car. He had a few more hours. Eventually he would get through to Kinney and then he would be able to issue his warning without Reinhold being any wiser. As Chris made his way into the office, he found himself thinking about Justin. He’d spent the last week thinking of no one else. He knew now that he was in love with the blond. He’d always known it on some level but seeing him standing in his own office, eyes blazing, body rigid, Chris had realized how much he’d resisted his feelings. He couldn’t deny them any longer. He had to confess them. He had to find a way to get Justin to look beyond what he had done in the past and give him a chance to prove himself. “Chris.” His father’s voice caused him to jump slightly. “I need you in the Board Room.” The man gruffly demanded. Things had been strained between them. Ever since his father had learned of the tickets, ever since he’d heard that Chris had been down on Liberty Avenue, the man had been avoiding his son. Chris realized it and as much as it hurt, he was actually enjoying his new freedom. He’d forgotten how nice it was to just live his life without having to worry about what his father or mother was thinking, what their friends might say, who might see him and report back. He thought again about Justin. Chris wished he had been as brave as Justin at 17. Now 22, he felt as though so much of his life had already passed him by. He knew somehow that unless he stepped out now and seized it, he would wake up at 60 never having had anything that he really wanted. As he moved into the Board Room, he caught the expression on a couple of the older member’s faces. It was obvious that the office rumor mill had been working over time. No doubt all these old farts were shocked and sympathetic to his father for whatever it was that his son had gotten mixed up in. Looking over the agenda, Chris glanced down at his watch. He swallowed his anxiety as he realized that unless the meeting proceeded quickly, he would miss his chance to warn Kinney. He’d be lucky to make it to the GLC at all. He fingered his cell phone wishing he had time for one more call. ********************************** “Hey.” Brian’s face appeared in his doorway. Justin glanced up. Brian immediately realized something was wrong. “What is it?” He asked alarmed. “I didn’t miss it, did I?” “I met Mark Reinhold.” Justin spat bitterly. “Or I should say I met him again.” “Again?” Brian asked taking the chair across from Justin’s desk. He leaned back and put his feet up on Justin’s desk. Justin gave the shoes a look. “Did we fuck him during our days of gaming?” Brian teased but immediately realized Justin was not in the mood. He removed his feet from the blonde’s desk then leaned forward clearly concerned. “Who is he?” Brian pressed. “He was at Ethan’s first concert, the one I drove to.” Brian gave him a vaguely confused look. Justin sighed then launched into the short version of the movie that had been replaying in his head all day. “I drove to Harrisburg. We couldn’t be seen together.” “Oh yeah, the closet clause.” Brian wearily inserted. Justin nodded. “Well so I was there but Ethan didn’t know it. I just wanted to be supportive.” Brian continued to listen patiently, making no response. “Well before I could get to him so that I could congratulate him this guy came up to him. He said something to Ethan, then Ethan whispered something back.” Brian held Justin’s gaze. Justin sighed shaking his head. “I knew that look, the one that they exchanged, the way Ethan spoke and leaned in. I can’t explain it but I just knew.” Justin shook his head looking away as if seeing that moment again through some window of time. “Knew?” Brian prodded. “You know? That they were going to fuck.” Brian’s eyes went wide. “And did they?” He asked. “Ethan said no.” Justin replied diplomatically. “But the next day the guy showed up at our apartment looking for Ethan with a dozen red roses.” Brian grimaced hearing the pain in Justin’s voice. “Mother Fucker!” Justin spat standing up needing to move. Brian was surprised by Justin’s sudden outburst. “Justin,” Brian tried, but Justin waved him off. “I fucking trusted him. I thought we had something. He told me, that all he wanted was me.” Justin sighed. “He just wanted someone who wanted to be with him, only him.”He couldn’t believe he was feeling so angry when it had all happened so long ago. Brian realized that the day was evocative. He watched the blonde carefully as he struggled to calm down. “You don’t even know for sure that they—“ Brian tried again. “I did. I knew.” Justin declared. “I just chose not to press it. I thought what’s one fuck- up, you know?” Justin looked away. “Well it was only one, you know?” Brian offered. “Are you defending Ethan?” Justin asked incredulously. “Yeah.” Brian smirked then shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t ask me why.” They exchanged a look that somehow always managed to help Justin breathe when he didn’t think he could. “Come here.” Justin held out his hand. Brian stood and took it as Justin pulled their bodies together. “Better?” Brian asked. Justin nodded his head as they stood their foreheads pressed together. “How do you do it?” Justin whispered enjoying the feel of Brian’s hands on his back. “Do what?” Brian asked softly. “Make me feel so much better. Make all the bad stuff go away.” He kissed Brian’s lips softly. “Justin.” Max’s voice caused them to pull apart. “We’re heading down.” Max glanced at Justin then over to Brian. He was surprised to find Brian staring intently at the man with him. Mark gave the brunet a smirk then shot the blond a triumphant look as well. “We’ll be right there.” Justin replied trying to ignore Mark Reinhold as he concentrated on his boss. Max furrowed his brow then cleared his throat as he and Mark left the office. Brian looked down at Justin’s desk trying to calculate the odds of Ethan’s one fuck-up being his latest fuck-up. When he looked over he knew from Justin’s expression that the blond knew. “I can explain.” Brian started. Justin stood staring at him, waiting, already knowing there was nothing Brian could say that would make it bearable. “It didn’t mean anything.” Brian weakly admitted. “You know, that’s probably what Ethan would have said too. ‘J, it didn’t mean anything.’ Well fuck that, fuck him and fuck you.” Justin spat. “Just because it didn’t mean anything to you doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean something to me. It might not have been aimed at me, but it hit me, it hurt me. So don’t think I’m willing to dismiss your infidelity on account of apathy on your part.” It was Brian’s turn to feel angry. “It was the night I went out. The night Stephen called me Papa.” Brian stated. “I was confused and upset.” He admitted. “It was lousy, I left before he finished—“ “Spare me the details.” Justin sighed. “I don’t have to stand here and defend myself to you. I went out, Reinhold was there, he blew me, I left, end of story.” Brian spat. “It didn’t mean anything.” “Save it.” Justin cut him off. “I just want to get this fucking day over with.” He jerked his arm free of Brian’s hand and quickly left his office. He had to pick up Stephen so he would be at the ceremony then stand by as the devoted partner of the deceased while a few photos were taken and a few words were spoken. He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to stand near Mark Reinhold without going off on the man. If he hadn’t known better, it was as if the asshole had planned it this way. What were the chances that the person Ethan cheated with would be the last one Brian had as well. That the man had been with his deceased partner and his current lover seemed an odd and unlikely coincidence. Justin could hear Brian moving up behind him but he didn’t slow down. The memory of Ethan’s betrayal somehow mixed with Brian’s causing Justin to war within himself with all the demons of insecurity he thought he’d laid to rest. He was tired of being the understanding one. He didn’t have the emotional energy to forgive anymore trespasses today. “Justin.” Brian’s voice called from the stairs as Justin paused at the daycare to pick up his son. Justin didn’t look back. He knew it was the only way he would survive the next hour. He had to look forward, he couldn’t look back. *************************************