Endings and Beginnings - Book 3 
Chapter 3 



Justin slowly realized that someone was tapping on his door. He shifted in the bed and reached for Brian only to find that the man wasn’t there. 


“Brian?” Justin softly whispered into the dark hotel room trying not to wake the boys. Silence was the only reply, that and soft snoring from the king sized bed. Realizing that the sheets beneath his hand were cool Justin concluded that Brian had been out of bed from some time. He sat up and rubbed his eyes trying to get adjusted to the darkness of the room. He could see the two boys silhouetted in the bed but couldn’t see Brian anywhere. “Brian?” He tried again. Then he heard the tapping once more. 


Justin realized that more than likely it was Brian at the door. He’d probably gone out for a walk and forgotten his key or maybe he’d needed some ice for a drink. Justin made his way over to the door being careful not to collide with any of the room furnishings. He opened the door and was temporarily blinded by the bright lights from the hallway. He rubbed his eyes sleepily as he focused on the man standing before him. 


“Max?” He questioned furrowing his brow. “What are you doing here? What time is it?” He yawned still not quite awake. 


“It’s after two and I’m here to apologize. I just couldn’t sleep until we had everything sorted out between us.” Justin realized he was standing in his briefs at that moment. Not wanting to wake the children Justin put up a finger indicating for Max to wait. He closed the door. A few moments later he opened it once more in a hotel robe. He stepped out into the hall using the interior security latch to keep the door from closing completely. 


“Max, what you said was out of line. In fact what we did was out of line.” Justin argued. 


“I know. I know.” Max admitted staring more at the floor than at the man. Justin was leaning against the wall his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I was out of line. I should never have voiced my concerns about Brian.” Max began glancing up at Justin seeking forgiveness. The blonde seemed reluctant to relent, so Max continued. “I care about you Justin. I care too much and that is my problem.” 


“Max—“Justin interrupted but Max held up his hand to stop him. 


“No it is my problem. I should never have allowed my feelings to come between us. I just heard some disturbing things about Brian and didn’t want to see you hurt.” He glanced up refusing to look away this time. Justin considered the man’s words. They seemed sincere. He could smell the alcohol on the man. It did tend to work much like a truth serum. Maybe Max was telling the truth. 


“I thought we had an understanding.” Justin replied. 


“We do. I lost my head. I’ve never tried to deny my attraction for you Justin. I have feelings for you. I know that you don’t return those feelings. I saw you there in the elevator, my judgment was impaired by the dirty martinis, and I acted on those feelings.” Max confessed. “I’m not sorry that I kissed you Justin.” He admitted stepping forward. “But I am sorry if it has damaged our friendship or our working relationship.” 


“It wasn’t the kiss Max.” Justin found his thoughts lingering on the kiss for a moment before pressing on. He’d known it was wrong and yet he’d allowed it to happen. He’d never meant to encourage Max. “It was what you said about Brian.” Justin stated firmly. “We can’t be friends if you are going to slam him like that. I care for him Max. Look what he did for me. He obviously cares for me as well.” Justin’s voice softened and Max knew he was making progress. 


“You’re right of course. His bringing Stephen was an incredibly thoughtful gesture. He’s not the man that I’ve heard so much about. His reputation is very different.” Max smiled. 


“He was like that once, but he’s changed Max. He’s not the man everyone paints him out to be. He’s kind and thoughtful and loving. I think this time we really have a shot at having something here, Max. I want that chance.” Justin tried to convince his friend. Max stood listening wondering how to drop his bomb. He knew it would devastate Justin but in every war there were a few casualties and Justin’s naďveté was an acceptable loss. 


“Well I obviously owe you an apology. In fact I owe you both an apology. Is Brian asleep?” Max asked. “I’d like to apologize to him as well.” Max noted that Justin shifted uncomfortably. 


“He’s not here right now.” Justin confessed. 


“He’s not?” Max feigned surprise. “Where is he?” Max met Justin gaze communicating his sympathy. “Forget I asked. That’s none of my business.” He gave Justin another sympathetic look. Justin felt his blood boil at the insinuation. 


“Don’t be ridiculous Max. Brian didn’t come all the way to Canada just so he could mount a Mountie.” Justin sighed. “He’s probably just getting some ice.” Justin stated glancing down the hall still wondering what could be keeping the man. “Or maybe he is with Michael.” It was another possibility. 


“Right. I’m sure you’re right.” Max agreed a little too easily. It was obvious that he didn’t believe a word of it. 


“Max.” Justin warned. 


“Justin, I’m not saying anything about the man. If he makes you happy then more power to him, but don’t ask me to stand by and watch him hurt you.” He reached out and touched Justin’s arm. He was relieved that Justin allowed it. 


“He isn’t going to hurt me.” Justin shook his head and then sighed. He was starting to feel less convinced the more time that past without Brian appearing at the door. 


“I hope you’re right but if not Justin I want you to realize that I’m coming after you. I’m going to win you over.” He leaned in and kissed Justin lightly on the cheek. “I know you think the kiss was wrong, but I know you felt it too Justin.” The blonde gave him a confused look. “You know what I mean.” Max stated and watched as a blush heated the blonde’s fair skin. 


“You’re a good kisser.” Justin admitted. “But we’re just friends.” He reiterated. Max held up both hands in surrender. 


“I get it. We’re friends. ONLY friends.” 


“And friends don’t fuck friends.” Justin stated. “That’s a rule.” Max merely nodded in reply. 


“So we are friends again right?” He held out his hand. Justin accepted it and they shook. 


“Friends.” He smiled. “Now off to your room with you. Stephen will be up in less than four hours and if you don’t leave me alone I’ll be forced to call and wake you up as well.” Max laughed and shook his head beating a hasty retreat. 


“I’m leaving.” He teased. “I’m leaving.” 


“Goodnight Max.” Justin called softly. Max stopped to smile back at the blonde. 


“Goodnight Justin.” 


“I appreciate your concern, you know?” Justin asked. Max nodded. “I just don’t need it.” Max agreed physically even though he believed otherwise. 


“Friends watch out for friends Justin.” Max stated softly. 


Justin watched as the man headed down the hall. Once he heard Max’s door closed he glanced up and down the hall once more. He had no idea where Brian could be. Maybe he had gone for a walk. He knew that their talk had been difficult for the man. Justin felt it had been a huge break through for their relationship. 


Brian had probably just needed to get some air. Justin returned to his bed. It was three o’clock. If he was lucky he could get three more hours of sleep before his little blonde alarm clock went off. 


*************************** 


Justin lay in bed until he heard Stephen give a little cough letting his dad know he was awake and ready to start his day. Justin sighed glancing over at Brian’s side of the bed still cold and empty. He pushed off of the mattress and retrieved his son. He quickly changed Stephen diaper and then retrieved a juice box from the little boys carry bag. Stephen clung to his father letting the sleep slowly drift out of his body. Justin concentrated on the weight of his son in his arms refusing to think of where Brian had spent the night. 


“Justin.” Gus’ sleeping voice pulled a smile from the blonde. He looked over and watched as the miniature version of Brian slowly sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. 


“Hey Gus. Good morning.” Justin greeted. “Stephen is having a juice box. Would you like one?” Gus nodded sharing a smile with his best friend. Stephen crawled out of Justin’s lap as the man made his way over to the bag to retrieve another box. He returned to find Gus and Stephen propped up on the pillow waiting for Justin to turn the television on. Justin handed Gus the juice. 


“Gus, I need you to keep an eye on Stephen while I take a quick shower. Can you do that?” Gus nodded wrapping a protective arm around the baby lying next to him. “Thanks buddy. I knew that I could count on you.” Justin turned his attention to Stephen. “Do NOT get off this bed Stephen.” The little boy met his father’s gaze and nodded. 


Justin quickly gathered the items he would need and headed into the bathroom. He was irritated at Brian. He had no idea where the man was and no idea what he was going to do with Stephen and Gus if he didn’t show up. He thought about the look Max had given him the night before. He’d been so sure that Brian had been out tricking. Justin cringed as he remembered how vehemently he had defended his lover. Now he had the sneaking suspicion that Max had been right. 


But why? Why would Brian trick when Justin had been there, in the same bed, willing and able to satisfy the man? Justin wondered if he would ever be enough. Stepping out of the shower Justin realized he was running on adrenaline. He’d slept all of two hours. How would he remain awake for the seminar? How would he keep up with Gus and Stephen? 


Drying off he quickly stepped into his clothing. He dried his hair, brushed his teeth, and after careful inspection realized he could skip shaving. Once he entered the room once more he set about getting the boys’ clothes together. Thankfully, they had both been bathed the night before. 


“Gus, why don’t you put this on?” He handed the boy a sweat shirt and pair of sweat pants. “If you need any help let me know.” Gus accepted the clothes and began putting them on. Stephen was still lost in the television. Justin allowed the spell to last a few more minutes as he quickly dressed the little boy. 


“Justin, I’m hungry.” Gus admitted once he had finished putting on his clothes. 


“Me too.” Justin agreed. “How about you Stephen? Are you hungry?” Justin asked. 


“Hungawee.” Stephen announced. Justin reached for the baby’s shoes while pointing to Gus’. 


“Soon as everyone’s shoes are on we can head down to the restaurant.” He offered. He bent down and tied Gus’ tennis shoes then gave both boys a quick inspection. “You guys look great.” He offered. Picking up Stephen he made certain that he had his key card as they headed for the door. Justin was reaching for the door handle when he heard the sound of the other key card being used. He stood back and waited. The door opened and Brian appeared wearing the same clothing he’d worn the previous day. 


“Dad!” Gus announced excited to see the man. He had wondered where he was. 


“Hey Sonny Boy.” Brian offered. 


“Where have you been? Did you go eat breakfast without us?” Gus asked as Brian picked him up and kissed his cheek. 


“No.” He stated casting a glanced in the silent blonde’s direction. 


“We’re going to breakfast. Wanna come?” Gus asked. Brian threw Justin another glance. The man’s expression was unreadable. 


“Sure.” Brian stated. “I’m going to catch a quick shower then I’ll meet you all down there.” He offered. 


“Okay.” Gus beamed then headed out the door that Justin was now holding for him. Before the blonde could slip away Brian’s voice stopped him. 


“You okay?” He knew it was lame but he had to know. 


“Why wouldn’t I be?” Justin asked then left before the man could respond. Justin seethed as he headed down the hall to catch up with Gus. Stephen was calling to the boy as they hurried to the elevators. Justin felt his heart was in his throat. Brian had been out tricking. He looked and smelled like a man who had been fucking all night. As they reached the elevator Justin heard Ben and Michael’s voices. He sighed as he and Stephen rounded the corner. 


“Hey Justin. Hey Stephen.” Michael greeted them reaching for the baby. Stephen gave Justin an unsure look but allowed the man to take him. Once Michael had him Stephen immediately reached for Ben. Ben smiled and took the baby. “He’s picky.” Michael groused. 


“He must like blondes.” Ben reasoned. 


“He likes my dad.” Gus argued. 


“Where is Brian?” Michael asked glancing down the hall in the direction where Justin, Gus and Stephen had appeared. 


“He just got home.” Gus stated innocently pushing the elevator button again and again. 


“What?” Michael asked glancing at Justin who reached for Stephen refusing to meet Michael’s gaze. “Where was he?” Michael pressed. 


“I don’t know.” Justin stated softly. “You’d have to ask him.” They entered the elevator. Ben and Michael exchanged a look as the five rode down in silence. 


“Michael. I might need you to watch the boys for me this morning. I’m not sure Brian will be up for it and I can’t missed my seminar.” Justin’s voice broke the silence. “I can pay you if you want.” 


“How long will you be?” Michael asked eyeing the baby warily. 


“I’ll be gone nine to noon.” Justin offered. He knew Michael had very little experience with small children. He wasn’t completely sure about whether he felt comfortable leaving Stephen with the man or not. 


“I can take Gus.” Michael offered. “But I don’t know about Stephen.” Michael admitted. Justin appreciated the man’s honesty. 


“Okay. That’s good.” Justin helped Gus get his plate in the buffet line. He got another plate for he and Stephen to share. He helped each boy get the food that they wanted grabbing a couple of slices of toast for himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the fatigue or disappointment, but suddenly Justin found he had no appetite. 


Michael and Ben followed in line. Michael marveled at Justin’s patience. He felt guilty about turning Justin down, but he didn’t have a clue how to take care of a little kid Stephen’s age. Ben realized what was running through his lover’s thoughts. 


“He understands. He’d rather you be honest than take Stephen and not be able to care for him.” Ben stated reassuringly. 


“That’s right Michael.” Justin had overheard. He was staring at Michael. He held his gaze for a moment then smiled. “It would easier if you could take them both but I would never want you to take Stephen if you didn’t think you could do it. I’ll be fine. I’ll figure something else out. It’s part of the joys of single parenthood.” He herded the boys over to a table. Michael felt relieved, but confused as to why Brian wasn’t taking care of the boys. . 


Noticing how tired Justin looked as he silently worked to get Stephen fed and monitored Gus, Michael realized that there was already trouble in paradise. How could Justin possibly be mad at Brian though, after all the trouble he went to in order to bring Stephen along? Glancing up where Justin was feeding his son Michael recognized the familiar “Brian Kinney fucked me” face. He’d seen it on the blonde many times in the past. Michael dug into his cereal wondering when Justin would finally accept that Brian was never going to change. 


*********************** 


Brian closed his eyes as the warm water flowed down over his face and onto the rest of his body. It felt good and he sighed relishing the feel of it. He knew once he finished showering he would have to throw on some clothes if he hoped to make it down for breakfast with the boys. He’d promised Gus that he would be there and he was a man of his word. 


He considered Justin’s expression this morning. The blonde had looked tired. Brian cursed himself for not getting back to the room sooner. It wasn’t that he was trying to hide that fact that he had been tricking though he was taken aback by Justin’s reaction. Now that the kids were awake, they would have no time to sort it out until tonight. He knew Justin wouldn’t want to have such a discussion in front of his son. Brian respected that. He resented the hell out of the way Lindsay and Melanie attacked him in front of his son. 


Brian cleared the steamed mirror with his towel. He furrowed his brow considering the blonde’s reaction. Justin understood who he was, Brian reasoned. He knew why Brian tricked. Brian began to feel more defensive about his right to trick as he dried off and shaved. 


Justin really had no right to make any judgments and that was exactly what that face had been about that morning. He’d looked disappointed. Brian winced at that realization and took a deep breath. What had Justin’s expected anyway? He knew Brian. He knew Brian was still visiting Woody’s and the backroom at Babylon with the same regularity as he had before Justin’s return. Well no, not with the same regularity, but still at least twice a week. Surely Justin understood this. Staring in the mirror Brian realized that he and Justin were headed down the same path they had traveled three year before. He allowed his head to slump forward in frustration. 


It was just sex. It was less than sex. It was just a fuck. Brian struggled to remember the concierge’s name from last night. He was relieved when he realized that he couldn’t. It meant nothing. It was just something he had to do. It had nothing to do with Justin or his feelings for Justin. This was about him and him alone. Why couldn’t Justin understand that? Brian slammed the bathroom door in frustration. 


Hoping he had merely misread Justin expression, Brian finished getting ready. Grabbing his jacket he headed out the door and down to the elevator. When the doors opened he was startled to see Max Collins exiting. 


“Brian.” Max greeted a knowing smile on his lips. Brian wasn’t sure what that smile meant but he knew that he didn’t like it. “Have fun last night?” He asked. 


“Justin and I always have fun.” Brian quipped arrogantly pushing past the man and entering the lift. 


“I meant you and Lee.” Brian looked up narrowing his eyes. The doors were already closing but not before he watched as Max held an imaginary gun to his head and pretended to pull the trigger. 


Brian leaned back against the wall of the car grateful that he was the only occupant. “Lee.” He whispered into the empty space around him. That had been the concierge’s name. How had Max known? Why had he seemed so pleased with himself that he knew about the events of the previous night? Why would he give a shit? Max’s words began pouring back into Brian’s thoughts. Brian wanted to return to the floor and confront the smug son-of-a-bitch but knew he didn’t have the time at the moment. He’d find time for that later Right now he had to find Gus and Stephen so that Justin could get to his seminar. 


The doors opened and Brian immediately noticed Lee standing at his station. He gave Brian a lingering look before Brian turned away feeling a headache building at the base of his skull. He’d left before the man had woken. He’d hoped that the man would take the hint. From the look Brian had just received he could tell that the message had not been received. 


He headed into the restaurant wondering how much worse the day could possibly get. He felt raw, exposed and defensive. He was an adult and didn’t need anyone telling him how to live his life. He followed the sounds of the children’s laughter to the table where the five were eating. 


“Brian.” Michael greeted. 


“Mikey. Ben.” He stated grateful for both men’s presence since he was still unsure as to what sort of reception he would get from the blonde. He reached for a chair and pulled it up between the two men wrapping his arm around Michael’s shoulder. Justin was sitting right across from him. Brian glanced over and noticed that Justin was busy helping Stephen eat some pieces of fruit. Gus was making silly faces like a monkey. 


“Gus, eat.” Brian commanded. The boy rolled his eyes and reluctantly picked up his fork and dug back into his eggs. 


“So what do you boys want to do this morning?” Brian asked as he picked up Michael’s coffee cup and took a sip. 


“I’m going with Uncle Mike.” Gus announced his mouth full of egg. Brian glanced across the table and met two accusing blue eyes. 


“I wasn’t sure you would be up to keep them.” Justin explained. Brian was sure if it was Justin’s tone or the look he had just given him, but suddenly Brian had zero tolerance for the situation. 


“He’s my son.” Brian stated the anger evident in his voice. “I don’t need for you to arrange for a babysitter for him.” His voice was harsh causing Ben and Michael to exchange a concerned look. 


Justin picked up a napkin and began cleaning Stephen’s face. He was obviously choosing to ignore Brian’s dig. He didn’t have time to argue the point. He still had to find someone to watch the baby or work out some other arrangement with his boss. 


“We have to go.” Justin rose. Stephen protested the idea once he noticed the Gus was not coming as well. 


“I’ve got him.” Brian stood and reached for Stephen. Justin continued to hold his son. 


“No, you don’t.” He’s cold tone caused Brian to immediately pull back his hands. Justin smiled at Gus. “See you later Gus.” Justin stated then turned and walked away. Stephen stared back over his shoulder reaching his arms out towards Brian. Brian couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this angry with the blonde. 


“Gus, stay here with Uncle Mikey.” Brian muttered as he followed Justin out of the restaurant. 


“I think they’re fighting.” Gus offered watching his father quickly disappear in pursuit of the fleeing blondes. 


“Everyone fights sometimes.” Ben offered. 


“Do you guys fight?” Gus asked eating another bite of egg. The two men exchanged a look then both laughed. 


“All the time.” They said in unison. 


Justin was already to the elevator by the time Brian caught up with him. 


“Wait.” He hissed. Justin pushed the button ignoring Brian’s request. Brian reached out, gripping Justin’s arm tightly and spun the man until they were facing one another. Justin glanced about in embarrassment. 


“Don’t you ever do that again.” He warned jerking his arm free. Brian was taken aback by the blue eyes which were now blazing back at him. 


“Why are you being a twat?” He recovered. 


“I’m not being a twat. And don’t call me names in front of my son.” Justin defended then warned. 


“Twat.” Stephen yelled in delight. Justin rolled his eyes giving Brian an expectant look. 


“Let me have Stephen for the morning.” Brian reached for the baby who reached back in return obviously wanting to go to Brian. Justin shifted further away. 


“Stop doing that. You’re putting him in the middle of this and I won’t let you do that.” Justin warned his voice a menacing hiss. Brian looked to Stephen who was looking back at him with an apprehensive expression. It was obvious that the little boy knew something was wrong. He could tell from the tension in his father’s body and the way the men were talking. 


“Why won’t you just let me take him?” Brian asked as the elevator doors opened. Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Stephen burst into tears issuing a loud wail. Justin fought the urge to burst out as well. This was not the way he had hoped the day would go either. Justin spoke calmly to his son as Brian stepped forward wanting to comfort the child. Justin was about to relent and allow Stephen to go to him when he heard someone call Brian’s name. 


“Brian?” Both Justin and Brian turned to see Lee standing a few feet away. Justin recognized the man as an employee from the hotel but there was something else that felt dreadfully familiar. He watched as Lee extended his hand toward Brian. He was holding what appeared to be Brian’s tube of lube. “You forgot this.” Lee smirked in Justin’s direction before handing the brunet the supplies he had left in his room. Justin felt a familiar pain deep in chest. He knew the cause of the ache but had forgotten what it felt like until that very moment. 


Brian glanced at Lee then shot Justin a challenging look as he seized what he considered a perfect opportunity to clarify the point to the man. Brian thrust his arm out possessively pulling Lee against him as he claimed his mouth in a searing kiss. When he pulled back the elevator doors had closed and Justin and Stephen were gone.