Endings and Beginnings - Book 2 
Chapter 12 


“That is going to be wrinkled as hell.” Brian griped pushing Justin away and grabbing the sweater out of his hands. “Here let me show you.” Justin smirked and stood back enjoying this side of Brian. Brian was trying to take care of him. He was obviously uncomfortable with the fact that Justin was leaving for a week but the only way that he could actually express his frustration was by griping about Justin’s lack of packing skills. 


Justin realized that he was starting to become reacquainted with Brianese. Somehow after the bashing he’d lost that language along with a few precious memories, but now after being around the man again and having some time to heal, it was starting to feel like a second language again. He secretly hoped that it was a good sign that the memory of the prom might one day return to him as well. There were times now where it felt like it was on the tip of his brain waiting just beyond his reach. 


“Aren’t you taking a suit?” Brian glanced around at Justin’s clothing that was strewn across the bed. 


“No.” Justin stated slightly defensive. “I asked Max what I needed to bring and he said it would be casual and business casual.” 


“Well at least take that black cashmere sweater.” Brian pointed to the drawer that was open in the dresser. “With a pair of your Dockers it will be casual but with a pair of slacks it would work in most situations.” Justin admired Brian’s expertise in this area. He wondered where he had learned how to pack or even dress for the level of people he had to pitch to. He certainly didn’t learn it growing up in the Kinney house. 


“What’s this?” Brian asked picking up one of Stephen’s sweaters. It was one that the toddler wore most of the time. He had only recently out grown it. Justin snatched it away feeling suddenly uncomfortable. He held it for a moment then glanced up at Brian. He recognized that the older man understood and wasn’t going to give him a hard time about it. “Pictures work just as well.” Brian offered. “And they fit better in a wallet.” He smirked. 


“No they don’t work as well.” Justin stepped closer and placed the sweater up to Brian’s face. “Smell.” Brian inhaled and recognized the familiar baby scent of Justin’s son. He nodded his agreement. “Plus I have a wallet full of pictures. I need something that I can touch.” Brian removed the sweater from Justin’s hands and gently laid in on top of the blonde’s other clothing. 


“Looks like you’re all set.” He announced. Brian wanted to warn Justin about watching his back. He wanted him to keep his guard up around Max Collins. The man was up to something and this conference had “set up” written all over it. Brian had already put Ben on alert earlier in the week. He felt better knowing that Michael’s professor was going to be around but still felt uneasy about letting Justin go. 


Brian watched as Justin moved his bag to the bedroom door. After setting it down the blonde continued on down the hall. Brian knew where he was headed. He followed quietly not wanting to wake Stephen. 


When he caught up with Justin, he was leaning over Stephen’s crib covering his son with a thick blanket and rubbing his back. 


“I’m going to miss him so much.” Justin admitted. Brian came up beside him and wrapped an arm around Justin’s shoulder. 


“I know, but it’s only for a week.” Brian offered. 


“He won’t know that. He’ll think I’ve abandoned him for good.” Justin stated sadly. 


“No he won’t. He’ll be so distracted having Gus around he’ll hardly miss you at all. Don’t do this to yourself.” Brian pulled Justin against his side. 


“I’m going to miss you too.” Justin leaned into Brian’s body enjoying the strength and comfort he found there. 


“No you won’t. You’ll be so distracted having Max there you’ll hardly miss me at all.” Justin laughed softly. 


“I thought Brian Kinney didn’t do jealousy.” He replied. 


“I’m not jealous.” Justin nodded knowing full well that the man was in denial. “I just have a bad feeling about Collins and I want you to watch out for him.” 


“Brian, he’s my boss. He’s not going to try anything.” Justin stated lightly. “He and I talked about this weeks ago. I told him that when I do finally feel ready to be in a relationship with someone that I want that someone to be you.” He glanced up. Brian lowered his mouth and covered Justin’s waiting lips. The kiss quickly deepened and both men were breathless when they finally parted. 


“Brian.” Justin stated softly pulling further away. “I can’t.” He knew he was disappointing the man but he had too much on his mind tonight to have sex. Besides he felt that unless they were careful sex would wind up dominating their relationship again. He wanted things to go differently this time. He wanted more talking and less fucking. 


“Justin.” Brian moaned reaching for the man. “Why not? What are you waiting for? You’re not saving it all up for your boss are you?” He snarked. Justin stepped away distancing himself further. 


“You never listen to me.” Justin shook his head in disbelief. 


“I listen. You’re just naïve.” Brian felt frustrated that the man was leaving and even more frustrated when he realized that he wasn’t going to have the chance to send the man off the way he had planned. 


“I don’t want us to be all about sex Brian.” Justin moved out of Stephen’s bedroom. If they were going to have this discussion tonight he didn’t want his son waking up and interrupting it. 


“What’s wrong with sex?” Brian argued following the man. “If I remember correctly, sex was never our problem. It was the one thing we got right every time.” He reached for the blonde again and pulled him against him. Justin felt his resolve wavering as it always did when Brian was this close to him. “Why not enjoy what’s right and then deal with the rest of it later?” Justin could feel the heat of Brian’s body filling the air between them. He wasn’t sure if it was the heat or something deeper almost instinctive that seemed to pull him to Brian. 


“You remember correctly.” Justin admitted “The sex was always good.” He tried not to remember just how good it had been. “But I want more Brian. I have to have more.” Brian sighed in frustration. He ran his hands through his hair trying to calm himself. How could they have both lived through three years of experience, grief and loss and still wind up standing in the same spot that they had occupied three years ago. 


“Words right? Monogamy?” Brian offered sounding tired. “Flowers and fucking floor picnics?” Brian grew quiet walking over to stare out Justin’s bedroom window. “Justin I’m not sure I can ever give you any of that.” He stated softly. Justin felt a surge of of indignation in response to the man’s words. Three years ago those words would have crushed him but now they only served to fuel his angry. 


“That’s bullshit!” Justin spat. Brian turned in surprise. “What a fucking cop out.” Justin glared at the man. 


“It’s the truth.” Brian defended. “You knew how I was before we started back down this road.” He continued. 


“No! You aren’t the same. This isn’t the same road Brian. Look at me.” He demanded. “I’m not that insecure bashed kid I was three years ago. I’m a father. I’m all grown up and I refuse to let you off the hook like that. You get off so easy. You let everyone label you an ‘asshole’. And do you know why?” He asked. Brian raised an eyebrow more in anger than curiosity. “Because it’s easier on you to live your life that way. Your fucking motto of ‘no apologies, no regrets,’ well hell how hard is that to achieve? I mean how can you possibly let someone down when they expect absolutely nothing from you?” 


“You thought I let you down.” Brian started. 


“You did! I expected something of you—“ 


“I never promised you anything.” 


“Thanks for making my point.” Justin smirked shaking his head. “Brian, I expected things from you. I wanted things from you. Things I know you are capable of giving. ‘In ways that I won’t.’ You said that remember? Not CAN’T, won’t. What are you afraid of Brian? Me?” Brian refused the answer, so Justin continued his voice softer, the anger having long bled out of it. “I have always been on to you. I never bought the asshole act. I never did. I always knew you had more to give. I knew you wanted to give it too. You just needed someone who could hang in there through all the bullshit.” Justin continued. 


“But you bailed.” Brian stated his voice barely above a whisper the accusation and hurt evident. “It got hard and you took off.” 


“You’re right I did.” He surprised the older man with his answer. “And unlike you I have huge regrets for it. I apologized for it. The only excuse I have is that I was young and recovering from a near fatal attack that left me both physically and emotionally fucked up.” Brian shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about the bashing. He never wanted to talk about it. It had happened, Justin had survived, end of story. 


Justin read the familiar expression in Brian’s eyes. He had seen if so many times in the months following the prom. Neither he nor Brian had truly ever dealt with all the issues surrounding the bashing. He knew that now. He’d thought a lot about their last fateful year together and realized that so much of it had to be linked to those unresolved, unspoken feelings. 


“Justin, I just can’t make any promises.” Brian stated in defeat. He was torn between a desire to run and an overwhelming exhaustion. 


“Yes you can.” Brian started to protest but Justin silenced him with a smile. “But I’m not asking for any, not right now. Just don’t rule out the possibility of your giving one in the future.” Justin stepped forward no longer angry. “I have to believe we have a chance Brian.” Brian felt Justin’s arms around this waist. They held one another for a long moment before Brian pulled away. 


“I thought you weren’t ready for anything serious, for a relationship.” Brian offered feelings himself stumble over the word. 


“I’m not ready to be in a full blown relationship but I like what we have now and I hope that if we take it slow it will just grow into whatever it can be.” He offered. Brian wanted to explain how terrified the thought of being in a committed relationship made him feel. He wanted to explain that it had nothing to do with Justin and everything to do with himself, and his unbearable childhood. He wanted to tell him that he had spent three long years wishing he had been able to give Justin the words that the blonde had begged him for. Now here he was holding the blonde in his arms once more and still the words wouldn’t come. 


“In the meantime?” Brian asked not sure that he wanted the answer. 


“You do whatever it is that you need to do and I’ll do whatever it is that I need to do.” Brian knew that Justin was giving him permission to trick. He wanted to remind the blonde that he didn’t need his permission but at the same time he found that he was experiencing an overwhelming need to ask Justin not to trick. He especially didn’t want him sleeping with Max Collins, even casually. 


“Justin—“ He paused feeling the request on the tip of his tongue but he knew he had no right. 


As he held the blonde tight against his body, Brian felt a sense of dread rising within as he wondered if he would ever be able to say those three words. Without them he would lose Justin, he knew that. Tomorrow Justin was getting on a plane with a man who would say the words whether he meant them or not. Brian knew that Max was enough like Ethan to say whatever he thought Justin wanted to hear. It was all just romantic bullshit. Justin had fallen for it once before. Brian had to hope that over the last three years Justin had grown up enough to realize how easy words were. 



******* 

Max had wanted to drive Justin to the airport, but Justin had insisted on taking his own car. Justin wanted to stay as long as he possibly could at Lindsay and Melanie’s without feeling pressure from Max about departure times. It had been hard to say goodbye to his son. He had never hated his job until the moment he had started his car and pulled out of the drive way. He glanced up and watched as Lindsay encouraged Stephen to wave goodbye. He felt the tears sting his eyes realizing that this week would be the longest he had ever been away from his son. 


Once he arrived at the airport he was relieved to find Ben already there talking to Max in the waiting area. 


“Ben.” Justin said. Ben looked up, stood and embraced the other man. 


“Justin. You okay?” He asked. Anyone who know the young man would be able to tell he was upset about something. 


“Yeah.” He nodded. “I just miss Stephen.” 


“I’m sure it will get easier.” Max commented coming up to join the two men. He wanted to reassure Justin. 


“I hope not.” Justin responded drying. Max furrowed his brow while Ben smirked remembering once again how Justin had always been wise beyond his years. 


“Well looks to be a good conference. You’ll be so busy you won’t have to time to miss him.” Max tried again. 


“Max. “ Justin stated waiting until the man considered him seriously. “I hate leaving him and nothing you say right now will make me feel any better about it, so let’s just talk about something else okay? It’s my problem.” Max nodded. He felt a little twinge of guilt. He had forced Justin to go on this trip. The plan was to get Justin alone for a few days and use that time to convince him to stop caring for Brian Kinney. He had used the last couple of weeks to learn as much as he could about Kinney’s strengths and weaknesses. 


He had spent a little time at a couple of the bars on Liberty Avenue gathering as much gossip as he could on Kinney. He had never realized how much interest his and Justin’s relationship still held for the gossip queens there. He had learned that Kinney had never been involved with anyone before Justin. That Justin had only been 17 when he and the older man had become involved. Justin had been thrown out of his home and Kinney had taken him in, only to throw the young man out as well shortly there after. 


Justin had gone to live with a waitress at the Liberty Diner, Debbie Novotny. Max had met her at the pounding as well as at Justin’s benefit dinner. After the bashing he had once again lived with Brian. They began working as a team tricking together or apart but at the same time sharing an open relationship. It had been that open door policy that allowed Ethan Gold to come between the two lovers. Max had found a few of the tidbits concerning Justin and Kinney’s escapades at the baths both arousing and disturbing at the same time. Those hot nights though must have left the blonde cold for it was only a few months into this arrangement that he began an affair with Gold. 


Justin being young and romantic had wanted more of a committed and romantic relationship than Kinney had wanted. Ethan Gold, a young passionate violinist, had filled the bill. Max didn’t completely understand why there had been a problem with Justin’s involvement with Gold since it was common knowledge that Kinney apparently had always slept around on Justin, but for some reason Justin had been forced to choose. He had chosen Ethan Gold. He had walked out of a very expensive promotion party for his comic book, RAGE, leaving his older lover humiliated and alone. There had been little to no further contact until Ethan’s death. 


The Liberty Avenue romantic society was betting on the two hooking back up and a few even claimed that they already had. Max was more than happy to lay that false bit of information to rest. They had once been the golden couple and everyone seemed primed and ready to once again bow at their thrones. It seemed to them the perfect fairy tale in every sense of the word. 


A young beautiful man swept away by a handsome and sensual prince. They fell in love. They fell apart. They came back together and lived happily ever after. Except Kinney doesn’t do love according to the Liberty Avenue experts and from what Max had learned of Justin, he was a man who wanted to be loved. That was Max’s ace in the hole. He would prove to Justin what a faithful, loyal and loving man he could be. He would show him that he could provide the emotional stability that Brian couldn’t. He would make it evident that he was the man who could be there for Stephen and Justin. He wanted both of them in his life. 


It wasn’t a long flight up to Toronto but Justin dozed most of the way. Max found himself watching the man as he slept. He loved how innocent and peaceful Justin looked. He wondered what it was that he was dreaming about. He hoped it wasn’t Kinney. Even if it was now, it wouldn’t be come next week. Little by little Max planned on replacing Kinney in this man’s heart. It might take time but Max had all the time in the world. 


Max was so enthralled by watching Justin that he failed to realize that he was also being watched. Ben’s brow was furrowed with worry. He had known Max Collins for a number of years. He knew that on the surface he was a nice enough guy but for some reason he had always felt that the man wasn’t on the up and up. He had always made Ben a bit uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as Ben felt now as he watched Max sit utterly consumed by Justin. It was both creepy and disturbing. 


Ben and Brian had spoken this week. Even though he had refused to interfere, he had promised to keep his eye out for Justin. He had been a bit surprised at see Brian so concerned. After all Justin was a strong man who had survived so much, but seeing Max’s almost possessive expression, Ben now felt he was getting a glimpse at what was fueling Brian’s concern. Being interested in someone was one thing, being obsessed was another. Also the fact that Max was Justin’s boss gave the man an unfair power advantage that offended Ben’s sense of fairness. 


As soon as he landed he would try to give the Michael a call. Michael could tell Brian about Max’s odd behavior. Michael was flying out on Friday morning. Maybe he could convince Brian to come along. Watching the way Max was acting, Ben was convinced that if Brian cared anything for Justin he would move heaven and earth to be on that flight. 


*********************** 


Michael was half relieved to see Brian enter the Diner. He had called and asked him to have dinner but the man hadn’t been sure whether he could get away from the office or not. Ever since Brian made partner a few years back he had been spending more and more time at the office. 


Michael had been torn between hoping that his friend would show and not. He knew that Ben had asked him to let Brian know about Max Collins’ odd behavior but Michael couldn’t help but wonder if this was one way to get Justin out of Brian’s life for good. If he did get involved with Collins then Brian would see once and for all that the blonde was trouble. 


If he felt surer that Ben wouldn’t find out about his omission, Michael would skip the warning and just enjoyed an evening with his best friend. He had already promised himself that unless Brian asked he wouldn’t tell him. He saw no need to volunteer any information. So unless Brian asked, Michael wasn’t going to tell. 


“Hey, Brian.” Michael rose and hugged his friend as he reached the table. They kissed briefly. Brian looked tired, but in good spirits. 


“Heard anything from your partner?” Brian quipped as he picked up his menu and began thinking about what he wanted to eat. Looking at the menu, Brian missed Michael’s disappointment at hearing his question. The smaller man knew he had no choice now but to tell. 


“Well actually yes and that was one of the reasons that I wanted to see you tonight.” Michael hadn’t picked up his menu. He was staring intently at Brian. The other man lowered his menu and stared across at his friend. He felt his stomach slightly turn wondering what could have prompted Michael to such alarm. 


“Well here I am.” Brian said nonchalantly. 


“Ben called me when he landed. He was going to call you himself but then decided it would be better if I told you.” Michael paused causing Brian’s frustration level to peak as he raised an eyebrow silently requesting the rest of the story. 


“On the flight to Toronto, Ben caught Max watching Justin while he was sleeping.” Michael reported doing his best to make it sound as benign as possible. 


“So? If they were sitting together?” Which Brian was certain that they were, since Justin had informed him that Max had made all of the travel arrangements. He shuddered just wondering what all that entailed. 


“I know. I thought it sounded sort of reactive of Ben, but he wanted me to tell you about it. So what are you hungry for?” Michael finished. Even though it was obvious that Michael was dismissing it, Brian found that he couldn’t. Ben wasn’t the reactive type. He wouldn’t have reported something unless it had disturbed him somehow. Justin was so fucking trusting. He would wind up in a situation he didn’t want to be in. Brian sighed. Picking up his cell phone he dialed Justin’s number. 


“Hello?” Justin’s voice sounded tired. 


“Sunshine.” Brian answered. 


“Brian? Oh no! Is everything alright?” He asked suddenly concerned. “Is Stephen okay?” 


“Everything is fine. I plan to go by and see the two Sonny Boys as soon as Mikey and I choke down our delicious dinner from the Diner.” He heard the blonde laugh. 


“Give him a kiss from me. I really miss him so much.” Brian could hear the longing in Justin’s voice. 


“Okay but Ben might get jealous.” Brian teased. 


“Brian, I mean Stephen.” Justin affirmed. 


“Oh Stephen, right.” Brian laughed lightly. “Anyone else you want me to kiss for you?” He teased. He wanted to lift Justin’s spirits if he could. 


“Well there is this other guy. Maybe you know him. He’s older, but still very hot.” Justin started then paused. “Hazel eyes, dark hair, great body well except for his slightly flat ass.” 


“Well someone has to have a flat ass or how else would we ever fit in a booth together.” 


“Hey my ass isn’t that big.” Brian refused to argue the point. 


“No as goldilocks said once ‘It’s just right.’ ” Brian leered into the phone. 


“Hey that reminds me, would you read to Stephen tonight?” Justin asked. Before he could respond, Brian heard Justin pull away from the receiver in order to answer someone’s question. “Sorry.” Justin returned to the receiver. 


“Was that Max?” He asked concerned. 


“Yeah, we have to go to dinner now. I don’t know what the big fucking deal is though I’ve been walking and talking for a long time.” Justin complained. “I mean it is MY cell.” 


“I take it he isn’t standing there at the moment?” Brian asked amused by Justin obvious irritation with his boss. 


“No he is in the men’s room. Why?” Justin sounded calmer. 


“I want you to watch him Justin okay? Is there anyway you can invite Ben along for dinner?” Brian asked feeling Michael’s eyes glued to him. 


“I tried. He was feeling tired. Don’t tell Michael though he doesn’t want to worry him. He looked good just said the travel wore him out. I was going to check on him when we get back in. We’re doing Italian so I’ll bring him some lasagna.” Brian was relieved to know that Justin and Ben were there to look after each other. 


“Well?” Michael whispered. Brian shook his head and mouthed that Ben had declined the invitation. Michael was secretly pleased. Justin and Collins were headed out somewhere together. The more time that they were alone the better the chance of something developing. It wasn’t that Michael didn’t like Justin; he just didn’t like Justin with Brian. 


“Well okay then you just watch your back. Don’t drink too much you know?” Justin laughed at Brian’s request. 


“You aren’t worried about my virtue are you Brian? Would you really care if something did happen ?“ Justin asked. He wasn’t sure how much of Brian’s concern was based on Brian’s feelings toward Max and how much had to do with Brian’s feeling for Justin. “I mean even when we were together we were never monogamous.” Brian wasn’t sure he wanted to admit it or not, but he did care. He didn’t want anyone else with Justin. It was unfair but it was how he felt. He was silent for a moment. 


“Here he comes I have to go. Don’t forget to give Stephen a kiss and give one to Gus too. Bye Brian.” He quickly hung up. Brian sighed and closed his phone. He hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye. Brian thought about Collins no doubt walking with Justin, his hand casually on the other man’s waist, leaning in too close to listen, touching his hand whenever he could just because Justin wouldn’t think anything of it. 


“That didn’t sound too good.” Michael offered. 


“No. It wasn’t bad but he isn’t seeing what Max is up to.” Brian muttered barely audible. He was deep in thought. 


“Well maybe he isn’t up to anything. I mean Justin does come with baggage. Not every man in America wants to be tied down with a kid.” Michael muttered. He noticed Brian’s hardened expression. He then added. “I will be there day after tomorrow so I can keep tabs on him for you.” He mentioned it casually as he lifted his menu. Ben had wanted him to encourage Brian to come with him, but there was no way he was going to do that. 


“What?” Brian asked lowering the menu so that he could see his friend’s face once more. Michael grimaced slightly. 


“I said I will be there in a couple of days and can watch out for him then if you want.” Michael sounded a little impatient. 


“You’re going?” Brian asked sounding surprised. 


“I told you that last week. You never listen.” Brian didn’t wait to hear the entire rant he put up his hand. 


“When are you going?” Brian had never considered this possibility. 


“I leave on Friday morning. I arrive in the early afternoon. There isn’t much going on then or Saturday so Ben said he would have some time to spend with me.” 


“Hm..” Brian wondered. He flipped his phone open and hit his speed dial. 


“Cynthia.” He stated all business once again. “Something has come up and I have to be in Toronto this weekend. I need you to move all my appointment set for Friday to Monday and I will also need you to book a flight out Friday morning returning Sunday.” He paused. Michael’s mouth agape as he listened. “That will be fine. Also I will need a reservation—“ He looked over at Michael who whispered. 


“The Royal York.” 


“At the Royal York. “ 


“What time is our return flight?” Brian asked. 


“First one of the morning, I think.” Michael offered. 


“Yeah make it the first one out, but I want it so I can change that if I need to. Thanks Cynthia.” He shut his phone and turned his attention to his menu ignoring the concerned look on his friend’s face. Michael tried his last strategy. 


“You’re going after him? I thought that was against your rules.” Michael smirked. 


“Fuck the rules.” Brian thought after all it was rules that had gotten them in this mess after all. 


Michael returned to looking at his menu, though in all honesty he couldn’t seem to focus on anything except what his best friend had just said. 


****************** 


“Dinner was delicious Max.” Justin said as they walked back into the hotel. 


“I’m glad you liked it. Mario’s has great Italian.” Justin just nodded. He wanted to say that it was actually good Italian compared to what he got at Deb’s. “Besides it was a very close walk and I’m pretty bushed.” Max announced. 


As they waited for the elevator Max wondered how he might get Justin to come to his room. He didn’t want to be terribly obvious about his intentions. He knew asking him over for a drink would immediately alert the other man to his purposes. He had after all just recently assured Justin that he was fine just being friends. Just as the doors open he had an inspiration. 


“So I was hoping you might have a few moments to come by my room and let me show you the ideas I picked up about integrating our Art Program with PFLAG and Pride events.” He paused pushing the button for their floor. Justin glanced at him for a moment. Max smiled over at him harmlessly. He sensed Justin’s hesitation. 


“I thought you were bushed.” Justin stated suspiciously. 


“I’m not that tired. Dinner revived me.” Max announced. He then eyed Justin with amusement. ”What are you worried about? Afraid coming to my room would ruin your reputation as a gentleman and scholar?” Justin laughed at that. He felt ridiculous. He had no idea why he was feeling suspicious of Max. He had never done anything out of line. Brian was making him paranoid. 


“I need to check on Ben first and then I will come by.” He agreed. “I also need to call to check in on Stephen.” He added. 


“Just do that from my room.” Max offered and Justin nodded. Once they exited the elevator Justin headed down the hall to the right so he could see Ben. Knocking lightly he waited. A few moments later Ben opened his door. He was on the phone with Michael. Justin followed him inside and placed the lasagna that he had brought on the desk. 


“I won’t keep you. It’s not as good as Debbie’s but its okay.” Justin explained gesturing to the food. “Just wanted to know how you were feeling and see if you needed anything.” Ben gave him a grateful smile but shook his head. 


“I’m good. I’ll call you if I start feeling bad. I just needed some rest.” He explained. “Thanks for the food. That was really nice. Now I don’t have to order room service.” 


“Well tell Michael I said hello.” Justin turned and left. Ben shut his door and returned to the phone to relay the message. 


Justin paused in the hall before heading to Max’s room. He had a funny feeling about what Brian had said before. Maybe he shouldn’t go to Max’s room. Perhaps they should discuss things in the bar instead. Knocking on Max’s door Justin was surprised when Max opened it immediately. 


“Ben okay?” He asked anxiously. Justin nodded. 


“I was thinking maybe we should head to the bar and discuss this. I could use a drink.” Justin explained. Max seemed only slightly disappointed as he agreed. 


“First make your call.” He ushered Justin into his room. Justin entered and made his way over to the phone. Lindsay assured him that all was well. Brian was upstairs reading to the boys at that very moment. She asked a few questions about the conference before Justin finally explained that Max was waiting for him. They hung up. 


“All set?” Max asked cheerfully. Justin nodded trying to throw off the melancholy he felt thinking about his son being so far away. “You know Justin, I know this isn’t what you want to hear but it is okay for you to cut loose and have a little fun from time to time.“ They were in the elevator. Justin nodded again. Max smirked and put his hand on the other man’s arm causing Justin to finally look at him. 


“You are what? 21? “ 


“22” Justin replied. Max nodded. 


“It’s okay to relax and just enjoy having some time away from all that responsibility. You are an excellent Father and you have obviously left your son in very capable hands, so why not just enjoy this time away instead of making yourself miserable.” His voice was soft but his eyes indicated that he expected the younger man to consider his words. Justin shook his head and sighed. 


“I’m not trying to make myself miserable. I just miss him.” He explained. 


“Do you miss him or feel guilty because you aren’t with him?” Max asked as they entered the bar at the hotel. Justin had to think about it for a moment. It was true that he missed his son, but also true that part of what he was feeling was guilt over having to leave him. 


“I guess both to some degree.” Justin reasoned. 


Max motioned for the waiter. 


“Why are you here?” He asked staring honestly into Justin’s eyes. 


“Because the Board wanted me to come to this conference.” Justin explained. 


“A Stoli.” Max ordered once the waiter arrived then raised his eyebrows at Justin. 


“Two.” Justin completed the order. The waiter nodded and headed to the bar to retrieve their drinks. 


“Why do you give a shit what the Board wants?” Max asked picking up where they had left off. 


“I don’t know maybe because I want to keep my job?” Justin asked laughing slightly at the Max’s line of questioning. 


“Why do you need a job?” Max asked taking a sip of his drink. 


“To keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.” Justin played along. 


“For just you? You do this just for you?” Max asked sincerely. 


“No.” Justin answered taking Max’s meaning to heart. 


“Then you are being a good father even if you had to leave him. You are keeping him safe, warm and fed. Now stop with the guilt trip and just accept that you had no choice.” Justin smiled at Max. His words had helped him. He had never really reasoned it through that way before. He had just felt terrible about leaving Stephen. He had never considered that going to the conference had been about providing for the boy. 


“You’re a good friend.” Justin offered raising his glass. 


“To being friends.” Max agreed and raised his glass as well. They downed their drinks as Max order two more. 


“So tell me your ideas.” Justin asked feeling the warmth from the liquor slowly find its way into his arms and legs. He took a deep breath and relaxed more than he had in days. 


Two hours and several drinks later Max and Justin made their way back to their rooms. They were both laughing at a particularly ridiculous idea that Max had been given for launching classes with PRIDE. Justin turned to head to his room but stopped when he realized Max was still walking beside him. 


“Hey.” Justin said giggling a little more at the strange expression on Max’s face. 


“What?” Max asked leaning on him a little. 


“Isn’t your room back there?” Justin asked pointing in the opposite direction. 


“Yeah.” Max confessed openly. Justin looked at him quizzically. 


“Then why are you going this way?” He asked pointing towards his room for effect. 


“I was making sure you got home safely.” Max laughed loudly then shushed himself. Justin giggled as Max looked side to side as if someone was about to appear and yell at him. 


“Whatever.” Justin sighed and continued on. Once he reached his door he managed to use his key card and unlock it. “See safe and sound.” He turned back and found Max staring at him with a positively goofy grin on his face. 


“What?” The blonde asked shaking his head a bit bemused. Max leaned in pinning Justin to the wall. Before the blond would react he felt Max’s lips on his. He was about to push the other man away when he realized that Max was already moving back. Justin opened his eyes to see Max once again just staring at him. 


“You are a beautiful man Justin Taylor.” Max nodded as if confirming his words to himself. “I’m glad I get to be your friend. I’ll see you at breakfast.” He turned to walk down the hallway to his room. 


Justin stared after him as he raised his fingers to his lips. The kiss had been soft and gentle. It hadn’t felt demanding in any way but instead loving and tender. Justin smiled. Brian had been so sure that Max would somehow try to get Justin into his bed. Sometimes Justin wondered if Brian just assumed that all men thought and acted like he did. Max had told Justin that he would give him time to sort out what he wanted with Brian. That he would give him time to get over Ethan. He just wanted to be friends. He let himself into his room enjoying the relaxation of the alcohol and the slight tingling in his lips. 


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