Endings and Beginnings - Book 2 
Chapter 7 

The loft was full of bodies, music and laughter. The Liberty Diner Gang was all there as well as Jennifer and Molly, Gus, Vic and a few of Justin’s new co-workers. There were also a few of the regulars from the Diner who had been selling tickets and rallying support for Justin. Deb and Jennifer had also invited a few members of the PFLAG group. 


Teresa was hanging out with Emmett carrying Stephen around everywhere she went. She couldn’t believe that the little one was going to be returning to her daycare. She had just had a tearful goodbye with him on Friday. She had been amazed at how attached she had become over the last month. Stephen seemed just as attached as he held to the woman and directed her around the loft. 


Deb was trying to force feed Justin a plate piled high with a little bit of everything. Jennifer and Lindsay were tucked away in a far corner watching Gus as he persistently tried to charm Teresa into letting Stephen come back to the fort. Molly was following along just trying to get a chance to hold her nephew. 


Brian leaned back enjoying the view. He found Justin’s gaze and realized that he was patiently waiting for the man to come rescue him from Deb’s mothering. Brian grinned evilly then stared at him innocently. Justin’s eyes grew wide as he realized that Brian wasn’t going to save him. Brian pushed off of the column and made a bee line for the mother of all mothers. 


“Deb.” He intercepted the plate and pointed her in the direction where Vic and Ted seemed to be grilling Horvath. 


“Oh shit.” She turned quickly and moved to save her boyfriend. She trusted Vic but no telling what Ted would say. 


“My hero.” Justin leaned in smiling up at him. Brian smiled down at him. 


“Daddy, can you get Teresa to let me play with Stephen? “ Gus was at his Father’s knee staring up at him. Brian threw Justin a look before he launched into another rescue mission. 


Brian managed to wrestle Stephen away from Teresa and get the boys over to the fort. Molly happily volunteered to help the boys rebuild the portion of the fort that had collapsed earlier. Before Stephen could play in the fort though, he had to make a detour to this grandmother for a quick diaper change, but in no time at all the boys were blissfully hidden behind the wall of their sanctuary. Melanie came over to give Molly a hand freeing up Brian to find Justin once more. 


“Great party.” Michael said coming up behind Brian. He turned and smiled down at his best friend. “Great news too.” 


“The best. It only made sense though. She just did the right thing.“ Michael nodded. 


“Wanna dance?” Michael motioned to the floor where others were already moving to the music. Brian nodded as he followed Michael out to the dance area. He locked his arms around the other man’s neck and Michael stared up at him. Emmett and Ted were off to their right. Deb and Horvath were off to the right. 


“I didn’t mean it.” Michael admitted. “What I said about Justin. I didn’t mean it. I was just—“ 


“Protecting me?” Brian offered watching his friend nod in agreement. 


“Well don’t. I don’t need your protection. Stay out of it this time Mikey.” He warned. Michael got the message and nodded again. He put his hands on Brian’s waist as they moved together letting the rhythm carry them away. It wasn’t until the song was coming to an end that Brian looked up and caught sight of something that made him come to a halt. 


It was Max Collins leaning in a little too close talking to Justin. He had his hand casually on Justin’s arm, his mouth only inches away from Justin’s ear as if he were trying to speak over the music. Brian took a quick look around the room and didn’t notice anyone else experiencing any difficulty talking over the music. Justin was smiling while the man spoke. He finally threw his head back and laughed. Brian felt his stomach tighten. Michael followed his gaze. 


“That’s his boss right? Emmett said he thought he was interested in Justin.” Michael rolled his eyes in disgust. Brian didn’t respond. Instead he moved in to intercept the two men. Justin didn’t realize that Brian was behind him until he felt the man’s arms snake around his waist pulling him back possessively against his body. Justin looked up and over his shoulder furrowing his brow a bit. This was the move that Brian would use years ago when he thought another man was getting too close. He looked back at his boss who seemed almost amused at the gesture. 


“Mr. Collins.” Brian purred. 


“Max.” The man corrected. “This is some party Brian. Your loft is beautiful.“ Brian just shrugged. “I was just telling Justin how much I wish I could just give him the week off after all he has been through. “ Brian nodded not really giving a shit what the man was saying just wondering why he was still standing before him yammering on. 


“Can’t do it. We have too much to do.” Justin excited announced. “Classes start next week. All the sections filled up the first day. It’s very encouraging.” He spoke back over his shoulder addressing Brian. Brian leaned in and whispered in his ear. 


“Want me to tell him to fuck off.” Justin’s smile faded suddenly. He pulled gently out of the other man’s arms and made an excuse about checking Stephen leaving the two men facing one another. 


“Well whatever you offered he certainly wasn’t interested.” Max quipped thoroughly enjoying what he had just witnessed. 


“Yeah I’m not surprised.” Brian turned watching Justin move toward the kid’s fort. “I asked him if he wanted to blow you. Enjoy the party Max.” He plastered his best fuck off smile on his face then turned to leave. 


When he caught up with Justin he could tell that the other man was upset. 


“What did I do?” He asked keeping his distance. 


“He’s my boss Brian. What if I told Vance to fuck off or if I had told Ryder? He’s my boss. I have to keep my job. I actually like my job. I am getting really close to getting out of my mom’s condo. Stephen and I could have our own home again. Don’t play games around Max.” He kept his voice even. 


“What about the game that he’s playing?” He asked. Justin gave him a confused looked. Brian clarified. “The touching? The leaning in? The lunches? What about all of that shit? What about the day when he tells you if you don’t blow him you’re fired?” Brian asked. 


“He would never do that.” Justin defended. “And besides I would never do that.” 


“You did it for Sap.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth Brian wished he could take them back. Justin stiffened. He couldn’t believe that Brian had thrown that back in his face. 


“It’s getting late. I should go.” He bent down to get Stephen but Brian’s hand on his arm stopped him. 


“I’m sorry.” 


“What happened to no apologies, no regrets, no excuses?” Justin asked not looking up. 


Brian squatted down next to him “I’m sorry I regret that I brought up Sap. I wish I had a decent excuse but I don’t.” 


“My life is just as important as yours Brian. I have responsibilities too.” As if on cue Stephen peeked out and squealed thinking that the men were starting a new game. 


“I know that Sunshine.” He admitted. Justin smiled over at him. 


“Then drop the cave man crap and just be normal okay?” He offered. 


“Cave man crap?” Brian asked. Justin lifted him to his feet then moved behind him wrapping his arms around the larger man pulling him close. Brian realized he was mimicking the way he had embraced Justin only moments before when the blonde had been talking with Collins. He felt Justin’s voice whisper in his ear. 


“Me, cave man. This my man. You no look at my man. He mine or I club you with big stick.” Brian had to laugh he reached around and pulled the other man into his arms. 


“That would be a VERY big stick Asshole.” He joked. “And I had no idea that there were homosexuals then.” He raised his eyebrow. “Okay no cave man crap.” He conceded. “I just don’t want him messing with you.” 


“You don’t like anyone messing with me. I don’t like anyone messing with you. The trouble is that you never gave a shit about what I liked and I cared too much about what you did.” 


“How very one sided of you.” Brian nodded feeling his mood shifting once again. 


“It’s not one sided. It’s just how things were.” Justin stood his ground. 


“The deterioration of our relationship according to Justin Taylor, it’s not exactly accurate or objective but you can’t have everything right?” He didn’t want to talk about this and wasn’t sure why they were. 


“Brian you’re the one who made sure that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wasn’t enough for you.” He sounded calm and that seemed to irritate Brian even more. 


“So is this where you tell the story of how I forced you into your little musician’s bed. I drove you to fuck around on me?” Brian asked Justin aware that he was serious now. 


“No.” He said meekly. “And don’t call him my ‘little musician’ have some respect.” Brian realized his mistake. It was no fun taking shots at a dead person anyway. Hard to get a reaction out of them, but the living was always good for some entertainment. 


“Let’s not do this right now alright? Can’t we just be happy tonight that you have Stephen? We were together. We both fucked up. We’re trying to do better.” Brian continued to watch the kids not looking at the other man for a moment. 


“Justin!” It was Max again. “Can I give you a ride home? I’m heading your way?” Brian shot him an icy glare then softened his expression making his way back over to the kitchen. It was Justin’s call and he wasn’t going to be the jealous ex-lover anymore. 


“Well actually I’m not really ready to go just yet, but I’m glad you came by.” He smiled. He found himself a little off center as Max leaned in gently kissing his cheek. He thought about Brian’s words and wondered if he had missed Max’s overtures the last few weeks because of his intense focus on the custody case. 


“Congratulations Justin. I’ll see at the Center tomorrow.” Justin nodded. He knew that that wasn’t a friendly kiss just like he knew that none of the touches were as casual as they were meant to seem. He didn’t want to think about any of that tonight. He just wanted to enjoy his son and their friends and the fact that whether or not a judge had said it, Rachel thought he was a good father. 


Justin found himself thinking of Ethan. What would he have said to all of this? He gazed back over the room. He watched as his friends and family laughed and danced, celebrating this miracle that he had been too afraid to hope for. 


Justin felt the music and the laugher fade away as his eyes were drawn to the column next to him. He blinked his eyes several times trying to decide if he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. It was Ethan leaning against the column watching the crowd. 


Justin stared at the phantom, that had been his lover, watching a familiar smile play across the dark musician’s lips. Ethan smirked turning his attention to Justin alone. He leaned over as he had hundreds of times and whispered. “I knew you’d be back here in this loft with him.” Justin glanced over at Brian who was drinking a beer and listening to Deb. Justin turned back not sure how to react. Ethan shook his head a small smile on his lips. “In many ways you never left.” Justin looked down guiltily. “It’s okay. I wasn’t always there either you know?” His eyes acknowledge the numerous infidelities that his lips could never voice. “Live Justin. I want you and Stephen to live. You both deserve to be loved. Live.” He faded then before Justin’s eyes. 


He blonde shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. Had the long awaited nervous breakdown finally arrived? Had he just imagined seeing Ethan? He realized that it didn’t really matter. It was odd but somehow he could almost feel the other man near him once more. The music came back to him then and the sound of so many familiar affectionate voices. 


Justin realized that somehow he felt peaceful. In his heart he knew that Ethan was aware that he was here in Brian’s loft. He also knew that the other man wouldn’t feel angry or disappointed knowing that fact. Ethan had predicted it. It must be hard being a genius. Justin thought. It must be hard always being right. 


He didn’t hear Brian come up behind him. He saw that Gus was with his father. Justin wondered when the boy had gotten past him. He looked down to see Molly now playing with Stephen. 


“It seems that my Sonny Boy wants to have a sleep over with your Mini Me.” Brian commented. 


“Can’t tonight.” Justin reluctantly sighed. “We have to be at the Center early tomorrow.“ Brian nodded and began steeling himself for his son’s disapproval. “How about Friday?” Justin suggested. Brian nodded grateful for the consolation prize. Gus seemed happy with the compromise and disappeared once more into the fort. 


“You’re very brave taking them on like that.” Justin considered. 


“You mean WE’RE brave. “ Brian said moving back to the dance floor. “Come on I want to see if you can still move like you use to.” He pulled Justin with him neither aware that every eye in the loft was on them. “So tell me.” Brian stated as he wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck. “When we ‘talked’ earlier tonight what exactly was your point?” He felt hard just thinking about the way Justin had pushed him against the wall and consumed him. 


Justin gave his best smart ass grin. “What? Are you saying that you couldn’t tell what I was thinking by my actions? I thought actions spoke louder than words.” Brian looked away wanting to be pissed but enjoying the view to much to leave. 


“Twat.” Justin laughed. 


“Hm…I thought I was being so clear.” Justin mused. Brian raised an eyebrow and Justin knew he was on thin ice. “I was just conveying my appreciation for your efforts to keep everyone out of our business.” Brian nodded. If that was the reward for telling people to fuck off, Brian had a long list of people he would be more than happy to communicate with. Justin read his mind watching him scan the room. He had to laugh. 


He glanced back towards the boys and thought for a moment that he had seen the image of Ethan once more leaning against the column. In that instant he looked sad. Justin absorbed the feeling wishing he could make it go away, but knew that he couldn’t. He knew he needed to start living again. He just didn’t know how. How could he let go of Ethan and their time together and not feel like he was betraying the one he’d lost? 


Of course he had had similar feelings the first year after he had left Brian. He hadn’t discussed much of their time together even though Ethan had asked millions of questions. It hadn’t felt right sharing the intimate details of his time with Brian. Those months with Brian felt sacred somehow. Justin had feared that if he had spoken of those days somehow all the magic surrounding them would suddenly disappear. He couldn’t imagine his memories with Brian ever feeling common so he chose never to speak of them but instead keep them hidden someplace safe inside his heart. 


He knew that time would make letting go easier. Watching Brian move to the music his hands naturally resting now on Justin’s waist, he hoped that Brian would wait until he was ready. Somehow looking into the other man’s eyes he just knew that he would. 




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Brian’s flight was late. He was exhausted and still had to try to polish up the presentation before the 8 o’clock meeting. He was staring at five hours of sleep max, that is if there was no traffic on his way to the hotel, and they had express check in. He sighed as he picked up his luggage and heading out to catch a cab. 


Usually while in Dallas he rented a car but this was a one day in and out so he figured he would just do the cab thing. Luckily he managed to hail one quickly and was on his way. Looking out the window he marveled again at how different each city was from the next. They were all interesting in their own way. He hadn’t spent too much time in Texas. Texas had the reputation for hating his kind so he had to play his cards close to his chest down south. He wasn’t sure whether their sodomy laws were still intact, but if they were it was a certainty that there were still big bellied sheriffs who were more than happy to enforce them. 


Pulling up in front of the hotel he paid the driver and got out. Once in his room he quickly removed his presentation from his briefcase and began reviewing it. The art work was decent but still there was something not quite right. He had meant to run it by the GLC for Justin to look at but had run out of time. He hadn’t seen much of the other man since the sleepover with Gus and Stephen. 


It had been a fun night of laughter and games. Around ten all four had collapsed. Gus and Stephen had slept in his bed with he and Justin sacked out in the living room floor. He had lain awake painfully aware of the heat coming from Justin’s body. He’d hoped that Justin would make some sort of move while they had lain there, but instead the blonde had quickly fallen asleep. 


Brian was trying to be patient but he was only human. He had tried to hook up with a couple of tricks at Woody’s a week ago but had found himself the victim of two lousy blow jobs. In hindsight though, he wasn’t so sure if it was that they were lousy or if they just weren’t Justin. 


He missed Justin. The classes at the GLC had taken off and he had heard from Lindsay that everyone on the board was thrilled with Justin’s work. He wasn’t surprised. They were about to add more classes to his schedule in the next two weeks. He wondered how Justin would find time for it all. He wondered if he would have room for anything or anyone else in his life? Between work and Stephen he seemed pretty booked up. Brian sometimes found himself wondering if this was how Justin had felt back when he was trying to make partner? Pushing that thought and the graphics aside he pulled off his clothes and headed for the bed. Tomorrow would be a big day. Vance was counting on him. He had to dazzle them. 


******** 


Max Collins lay in his bed thinking. He had asked Justin to lunch tomorrow. They were going to be discussing the upcoming class schedule. The enrollment was already full. The board was excited and willing to add to the grant money to pick up an additional instructor. It was big news. The best part was that over half of the students now were not gay but straight men and women. This increased the impact that the Center had on the community as a whole. In time it could become one of the major players in community support. That had been Max’s goal for sometime. 


He knew it would be tricky finding another instructor. One of the reasons that the classes were going so well had a lot to do with the instructor that they had now. He was the country club artist. He drew is students from Liberty Avenue and Snob Hill as well. He was perfect. He could talk to anyone about anything. His student’s loved him and even though Max wasn’t naïve enough to believe it to be love, he knew that he too was feeling something for the man. From the way his trousers pulled tighter when he was in the man’s presence he would think it was lust not love. 


He had wanted him since the moment he had seen him at the art supply store. Now it was almost twelve weeks later and he wanted him even more. He wondered how long it would be before the man was recovered enough to consider having sex with someone else? It had been over three months since the accident. He had to be getting relief from somewhere. Brian Kinney’s face flashed in front of his eyes and he felt his temper spike. 


Surely those two weren’t still at it. He had heard lots of stories since the man had come to work at the Center. They were all just gossip but there had to be a speck of truth behind the exaggerations. Kinney had never had anything serious until Justin. Then somehow this 17 year old kid had managed to cast some sort of spell over the thirty-something ad man. The most notorious stories were about their break up though and the bashing. Everyone spoke of the bashing in whispers. Max found it ridiculous that people still treated it so delicately. It had happened over four years ago. 


Max especially enjoyed the break up stories. He found them hysterical to say the least. He wished he could have been there to watch the expression on Kinney’s face as Justin had walked off with Ethan Gold. 


Max closed his eyes imagining Ethan Gold and Justin in bed together. He then removed Gold and replaced him with Kinney. Max opened his eyes. He liked the later image even less than the first. It made him feel insecure and threatened. With Kinney’s reputation as a lover, Max found it hard to believe that Justin had not been satisfied in Kinney's bed. It must have been something else that had lured Justin away. Despite his many attempts, Max had never been able to extract that elusion information from any of his many sources. 


He had been warned by Kinney to stay away. As if he answered to the King of Queens. He would go after who ever he pleased and if Brian Kinney didn’t like it he could just go fuck himself. 


The thing with Justin was finesse. He had to be careful not to overstep or scare him off. He was moving slowly waiting for the right moment. In the meantime they did have lunch almost every week. He always made sure to touch his hand or rub his arm. Once he had even stumbled a bit with Justin reaching out to catch him before he hit the ground. He had stood there, on the sidewalk, enjoying the feel of the other man’s arms around him holding him. Their lips had been inches apart. It would have only taken one move and Justin’s mouth would have been his, but then Justin had abruptly gotten him back on his feet smiling sweetly during the entire episode. 


Rolling over onto his side he pulled the GLC Art’s in Education Brochure Out. It was well worn. He would need to pick up another copy. Reaching beneath the sheets with his right hand he used his left to turn to the page with Justin’s picture on it. He propped it up on his nightstand. His eyes never left the blonde’s face not even as he cried out in pleasure as he fell over the edge, his final word as always, “Justin.” 


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