Endings and Beginnings Chapter 13 Rachel sat staring at her phone. That had gone very badly. She was still seething with anger that Brian Kinney had called her back. She had thought it was Justin for a moment. Who did this guy think he was anyway? He was as rude and arrogant as Ethan had described. She flung herself down on the couch and tried to get her breathing back under control. The longer she sat the more she regretted calling Justin. She wasn’t sure why she had just gone off on him like that. She hadn’t even let him try to explain. She sighed as she considered what she had said to the man. She had just been so angry. The thought of Justin running back into his lover’s arms before her brother was even cold in his grave yet. Rachel glanced to the table nearby and felt the tears sting her eyes as she studied the portrait of her brother. She found herself lost in the memory of the conversation she had with him that fateful day she had relented and decided to carry a baby for the couple. “He’ll leave me. He is unhappy I can tell?” Ethan had stated his voice hoarse with emotion. “You don’t know that. Have you even spoken to him about this?” She asked longing to reassure her brother. “You don’t understand. He loved him in a way he could never love me. He’s like this third person always standing between us.” Ethan complained bitterly. “If that’s true then why are you working so hard to hold on to him—“ “I love him!” Ethan returned angrily. “I know you love him but if he doesn’t love you back I don’t-“ “He loves me.” Ethan stated with the same certainty that he had just used to announced that Justin would leave him. “I just need more time to show him that it’s better with me. We’re a family. We’re so happy together. He was miserable with Brian.” He continued. “Well if he was miserable with Brian why are you so convinced that he still loves him and will leave you for him?” Rachel reasoned. Ethan wasn’t being logical. He wasn’t as logical as she was but he wasn’t usually this disjointed in his thinking. “Brian Kinney was his first love. He treated Justin like shit, tricked with him, behind his back. He’ll do anyone, anytime anyhow.” Ethan offered. “Justin loved him but Brian didn’t really love him back. He just liked having him around I think. As soon as he found out about us he told Justin it was his choice.” “And he chose you.” She stated. “No. He chose Brian to begin with but then he realized that Brian wouldn’t ever change so he chose me. I’ve always wondered if I hadn’t gone to the Rage party if he would have chosen me. I think maybe it was just a matter of convenience and timing.” Ethan pondered. “And you want to bring a child into this?” Rachel rolled her eyes as she pressed the telephone tighter to her ear. She could hear her brother’s breathing and knew that he was upset. “I don’t want to lose him—“ “It’s a mistake Ethan. What if you do this, you still lose him but now he also has the baby?” Rachel reasoned. “It won’t happen. He’ll never leave me if we are a family. He’ll see that I love him and that we are meant for each other. It will join us permanently.” Ethan pleaded. “Do you have any idea how many kids today have divorced parents?” Rachel asked wondering how out of touch Ethan really was. “Rachel please. He’s always wanted a child. If I can give him this then I know he’ll be mine forever. He makes me so fucking happy. You have no idea—“ “I’ve seen you together. I have a little bit of an idea.” She laughed. “It’s a big decision.” She stated solemnly. “I have to carry it ad how do I know that he isn’t infected?” “We tested last week. We’ve been monogamous forever but we still get tested. He’s negative.” Ethan piped up. He knew his sisters resolve was weakening. “My and Dad are going to have a fit.” She argued. Ethan smiled. He really had her on the ropes now. “All the more reason to do it.” He laughed. She joined him. “You really love him this much?” She asked. “I love him more than you will ever know.” He stated softly. “Please Rachel. He’ll go back to Brian. I’ll lose him. Maybe not day or tomorrow or even next week but one day, mark my words, he’ll be back with that man if I don’t give him some reason to stay.” “And you aren’t reason enough?” Rachel was surprised to hear this admission from her brother. “No. I can’t compete with the great almighty Kinney. If he gave Justin any hope that he would ever take him back, Justin would be in his bed tonight.” Ethan stated. He wasn’t sure how true that statement was but sometimes it felt true. “Okay.” Rachel sighed. She knew her brother was happy and maybe he was right about a child helping them to feel more like a family. “What do I have to do?” “I’ll get back to you with the details. You are the best Rachel. You are the absolute best. If you were here I’d kiss you!!” Rachel laughed. It felt so good to hear her brother sound so happy. She still wasn’t sure that this was the right thing to do but at the same time knew that she would do anything to protect her brother’s happiness. Rachel realized that she had been staring into nothingness for the last half hour. The memory had been so fresh in her mind. She glanced at the frame once more. “What would you have me do now Ethan?” She asked. “You’re the one who used the baby to keep Justin away from this Brian Kinney to begin with. Would you have me do that again? Is that what you would want me to do?” She asked. “I threatened him? Did you hear me? I threatened to take his son away, your son away. I threatened him.” It seemed so hard to believe that she would do such a thing. “I can see why you hated Brian Kinney. You should have heard the way he spoke to me. He’s back with him. Can you believe that?” She shook her head then glanced up staring into her brother’s dark eyes. “Of course you can. You knew it was going to happen.” I’m so glad you aren’t here to see it.” She walked over to the frame and held it up as though addressing her brother. “What would you do Ethan? I keep wondering what you would do. I think you would move heaven and earth to keep Justin away from that man. So since you can’t I’m going to. This is the last thing that I will ever be able to do for you. I promise keep Justin away from Brian Kinney once and for all even if it means taking back my son.” Rachel knew how much Stephen meant to Justin. There was no way he would choose Brian Kinney over his own son. It was the only leverage she had, but surely it would be enough. Rachel felt a nagging deep inside. It was a small voice telling her that she wasn’t playing fair. She smothered the voice with rationalizations. Kinney was immoral. He had no business being anywhere close to her son. Ethan had told her enough about the man for her to realize that. Justin was spitting on Ethan’s memory falling back into Kinney’s arms so easily. Even with her rationalizations to comfort her, Rachel knew on some level that it was wrong to put Stephen through this battle, but she couldn’t think about her son right now. She had to help her baby brother one last time. ******************************* “Tell me exactly what she said.” Melanie spoke calmly opening her legal pad and beginning to take notes. “She said that she couldn’t believe that Ethan wasn’t even cold in his grave—“ Justin took a moment to steady himself. He was still reeling from the woman’s unfounded accusations not to mention Brian’s harsh words. Brian was standing on the other side of the room staring at anything but the blonde. It was obvious to both of the women that there was a lot of tension between the two men. “She said that she could believe that Ethan wasn’t even call in his grave and I was already back in Brian’s bed.” “That’s how she said it?” Melanie raised one eyebrow. “Well not exactly but that was the gist of it. She said that Ethan had always known that if he were out of the picture I’d be back with Brian in a heartbeat.” He forced a breath out as he shook his head staring down at the table top. He couldn’t believe that Ethan had revealed his past with Brian to Rachel. “She then said that she didn’t think it was right for her son to be subjected to such an immoral influence and that she had to do what Ethan would want. She knew that Ethan would never want Brian anywhere near his son. Then she said I needed to think about what I was doing if I wanted to keep Stephen.” He took a deep breath and released it. “Well even though it was threatening, it doesn’t sound like it is necessarily time to circle the wagons yet.” Melanie soothed looking over her notes. “Well you haven’t heard all of it yet.” Justin said his voice sounding pinched. He glanced over at Brian who rolled his eyes at him and then looked at Melanie. “What did you do?” Melanie asked. “I just called her back and told her she was out of line.” Brian defended. “Like hell you did.” Justin spat. “You called Ethan a sack of shit.” Justin accused the pain evident in his voice. Brian met his gaze for a moment understanding fully why Justin was angry with him. At first he had only thought Justin was angry because he had gone against his wishes, called Rachel and made the situation more heated, but now he painfully realized that Justin was mad because of what he had said about Ethan. Brian found himself feeling bitter that Justin would defend Ethan. Rationally he understood why he would but for some reason it didn’t make it any easier to take. Brian felt he was once again standing in the loft asking Justin to chose where he wanted to be and Justin was walking away with the musician. “How could you have told her about—“Justin began then stopped as he realized that Brian had just realized that he had betrayed Justin’s confidence. “Justin.” He spat. “I wasn’t thinking. It just came out. I didn’t want her to hurt you.” “So you hurt me instead?” Justin asked rising and stalking towards the man. “Answer me? Answer me Brian?” He demanded. “That wasn’t what I was trying to do. I was just upset and it came out. She was saying some really awful shit about you and about me. Well I mean she was talking about us.” He looked down. “Ethan told her some terrible things about us.” He looked back up at Justin. “Did you tell him those things?” He asked almost afraid of the answer. Justin just shook his head. “What do you think?” Brian’s mouth curled into a small grin as he realized that Justin would never have betrayed their time together that way. He watched as Justin made his way back over to the sofa and sat down. “So what did you say?” Melanie asked. Brian sighed and looked at his hands. “I said that Justin was grieving for Ethan and that I was sure that would be happy to learn that he was gutted by the loss.” He watched as Melanie furiously took notes. He hesitated allowing her to catch up and also postponing his next revelation for as long as possible. “I called him a sack of shit because he didn’t have any insurance to take care of his son and also because he didn’t leave a will.” He finished with a sigh. “Not to mention the disappearing rent checks?” Lindsay stated then realized she’d spilled the beans. Brian glanced over watching Justin who was staring daggers into Melanie. “She overheard our conversation.” Melanie explained. He only nodded. “I’m so sorry Justin.” Lindsay announced rushing over to wrap her arms around him. She had no idea how he was able to withstand all that had happened. “Anyway,” Brain exaggeratedly stated as he moved to Justin’s side then removed Lindsay’s hand from Justin’s shoulder. Justin actually gave Brian a grateful look. “Rachel said that Ethan had called me a child molester and that I had fucked with Justin’s mind and his body. She said she was sure Justin was loving being back under my power but she didn’t want me anywhere near her kid. She said that the fact that Justin was so willing to—“ Brian paused. He really didn’t want Justin to hear the vile crap Rachel had said. She had been upset but her mouth would have made a sailor blush. “Go ahead.” Justin mumbled. “Mel needs to know. Justin was so willing to—“ “Bend over for me that she questioned his ability to make good decisions for their son. I told her that she didn’t know Justin. Then she asked if I’d had sex with him yet. I told her it was none of her business but when we did I would be sure to send her some pictures.” “Shit Brian.” Lindsay said leaving the room to check on the kids. “Well it will all be hearsay in court so that will help us. Where were you anyway?” Melanie asked. “Deb and Vic’s.” Justin replied clearing his throat. He had found his strength again. He was sitting up straighter and looking Melanie in the eye. “Were they around?” She asked. Justin nodded. “But the kids were out of ear shot.” He added. “Well they could be called to testify to what Brian said but his character won’t require much testimony to assassinate.” Brian looked away. This was excruciating. “She then told me that her brother would never have spoken to a lady like that and I made a reference to Ethan being saint of the let me blow you order.” Brian muttered. This was where he had breech Justin’s trust. “Why would you say that?” Melanie asked. “Because a while back, I caught Ethan blowing this guy. It was right before we had those papers drawn up for Rachel to sign.” Melanie nodded. “Those are going to help your case, so will Ethan’s indiscretions.” It was out of her mouth before she could stop it. She looked up and saw the momentary pain register in his eyes. “Oh shit Justin I’m really sorry. It just came out.” Justin nodded absently. Lindsay returned giving her partner a stern glare. “Then she told me to tell Justin he had better get a good lawyer.” Brian ended. “So we were hoping you could point us to one.” He sarcastically said. “Very funny smart ass but actually I don’t do custody cases. Justin needs someone better than me. This is going to be really sticky. Gay’s don’t have the same rights as straights when it comes to this sort of case. “She said absently looking through her notes as her mind was making a mental list of good attorneys in town. “That’s so unfair.” Lindsay said. She leaned over and kissed Justin’s head. “I can’t lose him.” He said it so emphatically all eyes turned to him. He was staring at Melanie. “I can’t. “ She nodded. “We’ll do whatever it takes to keep that from happening.” Lindsay answered for Melanie. “I think we should go with Carol Myers.” Melanie wrote her name out and reached for her palm pilot to get her number. “She excellent and loves a challenge. She is also very expensive.” She looked up meeting Justin’s eyes. “I have a little money from selling my things. I also have an interview for that job.” He offered looking up to Lindsay with a grateful expression. “It’s not a problem. I’ll cover it.” Brian announced. Before Justin could object Melanie was already there. “No you can’t. Your involvement in Justin’s life is the reason she is doing this. If she were to find out you are paying for his attorney this case would be over before it even started. You will keep your checkbook and your dick as far away from Justin as possible. Is that clear?” She scolded. Brian felt his body tense. He had only wanted to help Justin and now he had not only added to a difficult situation with Ethan’s sister but had placed him in further financial troubles. “Do you have anything you could sell?” Melanie asked Justin. “Or anyone else who could lend you the money?” She asked. Justin knew who had the money but he didn’t want to ask. He sat silently for a moment trying to think if he had any other options. He glanced into the other room and saw his son hugging his Elmo watching a video with Gus. He knew it wasn’t even a tough decision. He would do whatever it took to keep Stephen. He had to. He loved his son too much to ever let him go. “Brian could you take me back to my Mom’s so I can drop off Stephen?” He asked startling Brian. “Sure why?” Brian asked glancing from the toddler then back to Justin. “I really don’t want to have to eat crow in front of him.” Brian pursed his lips knowing exactly who Justin was going to have to ask for money. “Justin.” He began but stopped himself then realized that the man had no other choice. “Thanks for everything.” Justin said leaning in to kiss first Lindsay and then Melanie. “I’ll set something up with Carol tomorrow if I can.” Mel added. “Great. My interview is at ten though.” Justin reminded and Melanie nodded. Once they had left Melanie turned to find Lindsay leaning against the entrance to their living room silently weeping. “Baby.” She soothed reaching for the other woman. She felt Lindsay melt into her arms. “It’s just so unfair. He is hurting so much. It is so unfair.” There was nothing Melanie could say. It was the truth. ******************************