---~^~^~^~ Fractured Hearts ~^~^~^~---
Chapter 11
By Misty A. Sax


---~^~^~^~---
The Sassy Moose, Jackson Hole, WY ~ One week later

Brian had spent the last couple of days thinking about what it was he truly wanted for himself. It was a difficult task keeping Justin out of his mind, but he persevered. He realized that if he was happy with the outcome, then Justin, wherever he was, would be proud of him. 

He had come up with three things that were of utmost importance to him: Gus, his job, and his friends and family. Unfortunately, he was afraid that he may have burned some bridges with his friends and family and by extension Gus. So he decided to focus on the one area where he had complete control, his job. He didn’t want to go back to Ryder. He felt stifled and held back working for a company that didn’t have the same creative vision that he did. The one person, who he regretted leaving there, was Cynthia. Maybe if he established himself again, he could make it up to her. 

Brian’s only obstacle now was deciding where to go. He had spent an entire evening, sitting on the porch swing at the cottage, reviewing all of the companies he knew, as well as individuals he thought he could work for. It was approaching dusk when Brian remembered the one person in college who had really given him a run for his money, John Wheeler. John was originally from Boston, born of a wealthy family, and Brian instantly hated him. Surprisingly enough though, not because he had money, no, because he had a brain. Brian and John were always neck and neck at the top of their classes. It wasn’t until junior year, when they were paired up to work on an actual campaign, that things clicked. They complemented each other so well; where Brian was weak John was strong and vice versa. After three years of heated competition, the two young men had formed a very tight friendship. 

The last Brian had heard, his friend was starting up his own company in Seattle. Thinking back to their last conversation, standing next to Brian’s car, just as they were both about to go their separate ways…

<i>“Let’s make a deal. Whichever one of us makes it first and starts our own company, we will let the other know, and form a partnership. No one could compete with us as a team,” John had said.</i>

<i>“All right, you’re on. I’ll call you as soon as I set up shop.” Brian replied arrogantly.</i>

<i>“Eat my dust, Kinney. I’ll call you!” John laughed in reply.</I> 

Brian smiled to himself. He would be making the call, but not because he set up shop first.

---~^~---

After sleeping on his decision, and feeling secure in it, he went down to breakfast with TJ, Tyler and Jesse. 

“Good morning,” Brian said entering the kitchen. 

“Hi Brian! Do you want to play with me and Triton after we eat?” 

“Well, I have a phone call to make after I finish, but when I’m done, I’ll come and find you. How’s that?” 

“Okay,” TJ said, turning back to his blueberry pancakes, dripping in butter and syrup. 

“I take it you’ve made some decisions?” Tyler questioned. 

“A few. I’m going to call an old college friend of mine. He has a company in Seattle, I’m going to call him on an old deal we made long ago.” Brian replied. 

“Oh, I thought you might be heading back to Pittsburgh.” 

“Not yet. I just need to try to establish something stable. Once I’ve accomplished that, then I’ll see.” 

It wasn’t the best response, and Brian knew it, but to his relief, neither Tyler nor Jesse pushed. 

“Well, seems you’ll be continuing on your journey west. What will you do with the cottage?” Tyler asked.

“I’d like to talk to you about that later. I’ve spent some time over there these last few days and I’d like your expert opinion as an architect. I also may have a job for you, if you’d accept,” Brian said. 

“Well, why don’t we talk about it this afternoon then.” 

“Okay. I’d say after my call but I have a date, with a boy and his dog.” Brian replied with a smile. 

“Yes, we wouldn’t dare interrupt that!” 

Grabbing his coffee and bowl of fruit, Brian excused himself and headed back to his room. He needed to call information and get John’s phone number and begin this new segment of his life’s odyssey. 

--~^~^~^~---

Seattle, Washington

John Wheeler strolled down the hall of his new office, looking out at the Seattle skyline. Six months ago he finally said, “see ya” to the stifling, stuffed shirts he had been employed with and started his own agency.  Zenith Advertising had just landed its fourth multimillion-dollar account and John was on cloud nine. 

“Mr. Wheeler, you had a phone call from a Mr. Kinney while you were in your meeting. He asked that you call him back at this number when you were able.” Kristine, John’s assistant handed him the message as he entered the room.

“Did he say what he wanted Kristine?” John asked.

“No, just that he’d like you to call.” 

“Thanks. Now it’s almost the end of the day, get out of here and enjoy your weekend.” John smiled at Kristine and entered his office. John really appreciated Kristine and all the extra work she put in. She had been his assistant at his old company and she gladly came with him when he branched out on his own. John suspected he was beginning to have stronger feelings for her, but he wasn’t sure how to approach her about it. That was something he would just have to deal with later. Right now he was curious as a cat as to what his old college friend was calling for? 

John took a comfortable seat behind his large mahogany desk and looked at the phone number Kristine had written down; it wasn’t the number that he was familiar with. Picking up his phone he dialed and listened to the ringing on the other end. 

“Hey, Wheels,” Brian answered on the third ring knowing it was his old friend. 

“How did you know it was me?” John replied.

“You’re the only one who has this number, that’s why. How are you doing?”

“I’m well; enjoying working for myself,” John not so subtly added.

“Yeah, yeah, I heard about you venturing out. Congratulations by the way.” Brain answered. 

“You were never one for small talk, Brian, what’s up?” 

Brian should have remembered that John wouldn’t let him drag this out. “I was wondering if you might still be interested in teaming up.”

“Definitely, but I had heard that you were poised for partner at Ryder. Why would you want to move across country to work with me, Brian?” John was ecstatic that Brian wanted to work with him, but Brian had always wanted to stay in Pittsburgh, unless New York City came knocking.

“John, you said it yourself; nobody could stand up against us if we ever teamed up, and I find myself in a position to make some changes. So what do you say?”

“Brian, I’d be insane to turn you down. So yes, I’d love to have you working with me. We would have a lot to discuss and set up. When do you think you could come out here?”

“I’m sure I could be there in a couple of days. I’d need directions to your office.” 

“I can pick you up at the airport Brian.” John said. 

“I won’t be flying. I’m actually in Jackson Hole right now. I’ve been sorting some things out. It’s a long story and I’ll explain everything when I get there, it’s not something I can talk about over the phone. So about those directions,” Brian stated needing to keep his emotions in check. 

“Sounds serious, are you sure you’re okay?” John was concerned about his friend. Brian was always so careful to keep his feelings hidden, but John had sensed something in the tone of Brian’s voice. 

“Honestly John, I’ve been better, but I’ll tell you about it when I get there.” 

“Okay, Brian.” John knew to just wait until Brian arrived in Seattle. 

The two friends chatted for a couple more minutes, and Brian got directions to John’s office. When the call ended, Brian was drained, and couldn’t imagine how he would feel when he actually had to tell John what was going on. He had been able to open up to Tyler and Jesse because they didn’t know him or his reputation. But John had been there when he was establishing it, and had seen him in complete predator mode. Would he be able to tell John that he had fallen in love with a 17 year old kid and then lost him the same night he admitted it to himself? He didn’t know, but he had about one thousand miles to figure it out.

---~^~^~^~---

Pittsburgh, One week later

Justin and Daphne were gradually settling into their new place, and Justin had bought his new Jeep two days ago. He had just dropped Molly off at her swim team practice and was heading over to PIFA to meet with his advisor. Justin was nervous about his meeting. He didn’t know what to expect. He guessed that his advisor would know about his injuries, and he feared that that would put doubt in the schools opinion of his abilities.  Daphne had offered to go with him for support, but he needed to do this himself. 

He pulled into a parking spot and turned off the engine. Leaning his head back against the headrest, Justin took a deep breath to settle his nerves. “Get it together Taylor. You can do this.” Justin said to himself. He opened the door and climbed out. He retrieved his portfolio from the back seat and headed into the student services building. 

Justin approached the main desk and waited his turn. 

“Yes, can I help you?” the young man behind the counter asked. 

“I’m Justin Taylor; I have an appointment with Alexandra Venini.” 

“Yes, Ms. Venini will be with you in just a moment. You can take seat over there and she will call you.” 

“Thank you.” Justin left the counter and took a seat. Fortunately for Justin he didn’t have to wait long. 

---~^~---

Alexandra Venini had been an advisor at PIFA for over thirty years. She had seen many talented and successful young men and women over the years. She looked over her most recent challenge. Justin Taylor, a freshman, who had already seen some life-changing events in his young life. It was not easy to live in Pittsburgh and not have heard about the young artist in the news. Alex, as she was called by her friends and family, had first taken note of Justin when he had some of his art featured at the GLC earlier in the year. She was impressed with his use of shading to indicate texture and the emotion he put into his art. When she saw his application come across her desk she was eager to have him as a student. 

Reading about his attack and injuries she was worried that his future would be ended. When she received his call for an appointment her confidence in the young man grew. His fall semester of classes would be challenging for him, just how challenging she didn’t know. 

“Ms. Venini, your 10:30 is here.” 

“Thanks Kerry.” 

Alex stood stretched her elegant frame and exited to meet Justin. 

Justin watched as a classic woman with flowing white hair and mesmerizing gray eyes came out from behind the counter. As she approached him, he realized that she must be his advisor. 

“Justin?” Alex asked although she knew that the young man from his pictures in the paper. 

“Yes. You must be Ms. Venini.” 

“Please, call me Alex. I’m not too big on formality.” She smiled easily hopefully conveying a sense of comfort and reassurance.

“Okay.” 

Alex sensed Justin’s nervousness and hoped that when she finished talking with him he would leave with more confidence. 

“Well, why don’t we head back to my office and see what your future has in store.” Alex led the way to her office followed closely by Justin. 

Justin was having a hard time believing he would have a future. He had been frustrated with his last couple of therapy sessions and his recent attempts at sketching were falling well short of his expectations. The consequences of his attack were rearing their ugly head and Justin wasn’t dealing with them very well. 

He entered Alex’s office and sat down in the chair in front of her desk. He fidgeted with the strap on his portfolio while Alex sorted through her files. Alex didn’t really need to find Justin’s file, it was right on top; she just wanted to observe him for a moment. She saw an uncertain young man who no doubt had very little confidence in his abilities. As his advisor, Alex was determined to help Justin become the artist that he had the potential to be. 

“Justin, I’m not one for subtlety so I’m just going to cut to the chase. I’ve read about your attack in the papers and I’ve seen the news stories, but the attack itself is of little concern to me.” 

Justin looked up in shock at the way Alex was making light of his injuries. 

“Now, don’t think I have no concern for your well-being, because I most certainly do! But, my biggest concern is how you are right now, not how you were. I am not naive enough to think that this experience has not changed you. You will never be as you were again. How you use your experience and the changes in yourself will help to shape the artist you will become.” Alex quickly clarified as she saw the defensive posture that Justin presented after her first comment. 

Justin was silent. He was angry at first, but as Alex continued, he realized that she was focusing on him, not on his attack or his injuries. She believed that he would become an artist. Even though others had tried to tell him that he would succeed, it wasn’t until he heard it from Alex, in her no nonsense way of expression that Justin felt at glimmer of hope surge through him. His friends and family tried to encourage him, but they were always so “nice” about it. Alex had a gruffness about her that was refreshing. He knew that she would push him and not let him give up. 

“So what I’d like to know is how you feel you are doing. What areas are you finding the most difficult? And what, if any concerns that you have for the upcoming fall semester.” Alex stated, breaking through Justin’s thoughts. 

Justin was hesitant at first. This was the first time he was actually expressing his fears about school openly with anyone. “Well, um, my therapy is going pretty well, but it is extremely frustrating because, what I’m able to do, and what I expect myself to do are two very different things. Marci, that’s my therapist, says that I’ve improved greatly since first starting, but I guess I’m just impatient, or maybe I’m being unrealistic, but I just can’t help wanting to be the same as I was before.” 

“Okay, let’s stop there. Why would you want to be the same as you were? Don’t you want to grow and see your talents evolve?” 

“Yes, of course, but how can I do that when I can barely hold a pencil steady for two minutes?” Justin questioned. 

“Well who says you have to only use pencils, or charcoals. There are so many media out there that you will discover. Media that I have no doubt you will master and develop into your very own style. Justin you are an artist, your creative abilities are not in the way you hold a pencil or the way you make a brush stroke on canvas. It is in your mind, heart, and soul; everything else is just a tool. Tools get broken and until they are fixed, you use others,” Alex said with a confident smile on her face. 

“I want to believe that, but so much of the first year entails working in groups, that I’m afraid of letting my peers and professors down. Who wants to have a gimp in their group?” 

“Well I can assure you if you keep thinking like that you will let people down. Justin, you are an intelligent young man, you have to know that people will make their judgments of you based on how you perceive yourself.” 

“Believe me I know all about people judging me! I have this gimp hand because of how some asshole judged me! I didn’t deserve this and I shouldn’t be judged because of it!” Justin let out in frustration. Alex was being so understanding, and then she seemed to turn on him. 

“That’s the fight I like to see. I challenged you and you fought for yourself. Continue fighting for yourself, and you will be just fine in your classes. Be open and honest with your professors. I’m sure that they have heard something about you, but like me they want you to show them what you are made of. As far as your classmates, you will have to decide how you want to handle them. I think honesty is the best, but only you can sense how someone is relating to you. Perhaps since you will have to broaden your vision in regards to media in the beginning, you can enhance the group efforts by bringing in an unusual perspective. I believe any group would be lucky to have your talents.” 

Justin sat silently contemplating what Alex had just done and said. It clicked in his head why he liked her approach, she was somewhat like Brian. She didn’t let him feel sorry for himself, and pointed out all that he still could do. She had brought out some insecurity that he knew he would have to work through, but he would “fight” them. 

Alex watched as Justin absorbed her comments and smiled when she saw a slight grin and gleam in his eyes. He was going to be just fine. It would be some rough waters to navigate in the start, but Justin would not be swallowed up by this storm. 

“Now, you will have preliminary meetings with all your professors during the first week, here is the schedule of times. You should look over your therapy schedule to see if there are any conflicts. If you need to change a meeting, please let me know as soon as possible. Also, here is your supply list as well as the required textbooks you will need. Here is my card. It has all my numbers and email addresses on it. If you need anything or want to set up a meeting with me just call or email. I’m usually always on campus, so if you feel like stopping by to shoot the breeze my doors are always open.” Alex wanted Justin to feel like he could come to her at any time for any reason. 

“Thank you, Alex. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I appreciate your candor and the way you put some things into perspective for me. I’ll probably be taking you up on that open door policy; you never know when I might need a friendly kick in the ass.” Justin said giving Alex one of his patented radiant smiles. He collected the items she had given him and his portfolio. As he turned to leave Alex made one last comment…

“I’ll be sure to bring in my shit kickers just for you!” She could hear Justin laughing as he went down the hall. 

--~^~--

Justin arrived at therapy a few minutes late, and found Marci waiting for him in the lobby. 

“Sorry I’m late Marci, I was meeting with my advisor at PIFA,” Justin said grinning. 

“Wow, maybe you should meet with her before every session. You’ve got such a spring in your step and that smile!” Marci was so happy to see Justin this way. He usually got here early with little energy and very little personality. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been difficult to work with, Marci,” Justin felt bad for his conduct in the past. 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. This has not been easy on you. I don’t expect ‘Suzy Sunshine’ every session.” Marci draped her arm over his shoulder and gave him a hug. “Now, I’ve got a surprise for you! So let’s get moving! I want to ride in this new chariot of yours.” 

“Wait, where are we going? What about my session?” Justin wasn’t sure what was going on. 

“We are going to the Sydney Bloom Gallery for the new exhibit that just opened!” Marci replied. 

“Are you serious? I can’t believe that you were able to get invitations! I love Joseph Bernard’s work! How did you manage it?” Justin was so excited. 

“I have some connections,” Marci replied mysteriously. “So let’s get going.” 

Justin led Marci to his Jeep and opened her door for her. “Wow, there are still a few gentlemen left in the world,” she said while climbing into her seat. 

Justin ran around to the driver’s side and got in. He started the vehicle and they headed toward the gallery. They made small talk on the ride, Justin telling Marci some of the things he talked about with Alex. Marci was so happy that his advisor had infused such a positive spark in him. She was certain that after her surprise today, Justin would be well on his way. 

Justin pulled into a small parking lot in the rear of the gallery and turned off the engine. He exited and again ran around to open Marci’s door. “Why thank you kind sir.” Marci said in her most distinguished voice. Justin just smiled at her as they walked around to the entrance. 

Lindsay was arriving at the entrance at the same time as Justin and Marci. “Justin, it’s great to see you sweetheart. I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” 

“Hi Lindsay,” Justin said embracing his friend. “I didn’t know I was going to be here either. Marci brought me as a surprise. Marci, I’d like you to meet my friend Lindsay Peterson; Lindsay this is Marci O’Neil, my occupational therapist.” The two women greeted each other and shook hands. 

“It was very nice of you to bring Justin to the gallery. I got my invitation from a colleague who was unable to use it.” 

“Well, Marci claims to have connections,” Justin said, poking fun at Marci. 

“Let’s go inside shall we? I’ll introduce you to my ‘connection’.”

Justin entered the gallery with his friends and was awed by the vibrant art that surrounded him. Joseph Bernard was one of Justin’s biggest inspirations. His techniques, perceptions, and use of color had always mystified Justin, and up until the bashing he had tried to imitate him. 

Lindsay and Marci watched as Justin soaked up the inspiration surrounding him. “Lindsay, I’ll be right back,” Marci said. 

Lindsay nodded in response as she continued to watch Justin. Walking up alongside Justin, “Isn’t his use of color amazing?” Lindsay asked. 

“Yeah, I just don’t know how he does it,” Justin replied, remaining mesmerized on the piece in front of him.  

“Well, why don’t you ask him? Justin, I’d like you to meet my father, Joseph Bernard,” Marci said from behind Justin. 

Justin turned around with a complete look of surprise on his face. He couldn’t believe that he was actually face to face with the man whom he had admired for so long. He could remember the first time he saw one of Joseph Bernard’s works. He was eleven years old, on a field trip to the museum with the art club. He had wandered off to the modern art section and saw the painting “The Loneliest Hour”. The painting had completely engrossed Justin and it was there, sitting on the bench, staring at the painting that his teacher had found him almost an hour later. That night he had spent all of dinner discussing the painting with his parents. Of course his father had ignored most of what he said, but his mother listened to the enthusiasm and passion that was emanating from her son. She had gone out the next day and bought Justin a book of Bernard’s work as well as a new sketchbook and set of charcoals and pastels; Justin was thrilled with his gift. 

“Hello, Mr. Taylor, I hear that you are a fan of my work,” Joseph said extending his hand. 

Justin was jarred out of his memories when he realized that Mr. Bernard was speaking to him. As Justin reached to shake his hand, he pulled back startled by the prosthetic hand that was coming toward him. He scolded himself for his reaction and began to apologize for his actions. 

“I’m so…” Justin began. 

“Nothing to apologize for, son; it’s a normal reaction,” Joseph said with a smile on his face. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you, sir. I’ve admired your work for a long time.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Justin. Marci tells me I will be seeing your work up on the walls of galleries soon.” Justin blushed.

“I think your daughter is exaggerating, sir,” Justin retorted, smilingly glaring at Marci. 

“Well, she is prone to exaggeration at times, but I’m sure that she wouldn’t say something like that if she didn’t have faith in you. She kept me going,” Joseph replied, while embracing Marci. 

“Believe me, Justin; he was ten times worse than you could ever be.” Marci said, laughing with her father.   

“Come with me, Justin. I’ll show you my most recent work.” Joseph led Justin over to another corner while Lindsay and Marci remained behind. 

“Your father is an amazing man. I can’t believe that he has a prosthetic hand. It isn’t mentioned in anything documenting his life or work,” Lindsay stated while not so subtly asking what had happened. 

“My father served in Vietnam. That is where he lost his arm. He got into an argument with a landmine and it won. He was completely devastated. Art was his life and passion. Up until the day he was shipped out he was never seen without a brush in his hand and paint on his clothes. He was so lost that he tried on more than one occasion to end his life.” 

“What stopped him?” Lindsay asked.

“Me. He knew he couldn’t leave me. My mother died when I was born. He was all I knew. I walked in on him when he was just about to take a bottle of pills. He dropped the bottle, and just engulfed me in his arms. After that, he attacked his limitations with a vengeance. He was determined to paint again if it killed him. He went to experts and worked with them to create what he needed in order to return to his passion. Until the prosthetic that enabled him to paint was developed and completed he used a computer that he could manipulate with his left hand. I’m hoping that technology has improved and that maybe Justin can benefit from one as well.” 

“How come you have never mentioned this computer before?” Lindsay questioned. “It could have been a great boost for Justin long before now.” 

“Lindsay, Justin wasn’t in the right emotional state to accept something like this until recently. This is the best mood I’ve ever seen him in, and it isn’t just because he got to meet my father. You should have seen him when he arrived at the office. He was almost glowing. He had just met with his PIFA advisor and she said or did something that infused him with hope. Now that he has that hope, he will probably be more willing to try alternative methods for his art until he can control his hand.” Marci understood why Lindsay had become defensive, she had wanted to mention the computer sooner, but she didn’t think Justin would be receptive to it. 

“I’m sorry, Marci. I know you had Justin’s best interest in mind. I just love him like a little brother, and I just want him to be happy. I know he is struggling with more than just his hand. He’s lost someone very important to him, and we don’t know if he will return.” Lindsay was also missing Brian terribly. 

“Are you talking about Brian?”

“Yes, did Justin tell you about him?” 

“No, his mother did. She thought I should know, thought it might help me understand when he was being especially difficult to work with.” Marci answered. 

Lindsay and Marci ended their conversation as they noticed Justin and Joseph returning. 

“Your new works are incredible Joseph! Thank you so much for showing them to me!” Justin said enthusiastically. 

“You are very welcome! I so enjoy seeing my work through new and fresh eyes; they often inspire new ideas.” Joseph could tell that Justin wanted to ask about his hand, but was uncertain of how to proceed. He decided to make it easier on the young man. 

“Justin, I’m sure you are wondering how I managed to continue my art after losing my hand.” Joseph insinuated. 

“Yes, I was. I feel guilty for being frustrated with my own injury after seeing what you’ve overcome.” 

“Justin, you have every right to get frustrated, and angry. Lord knows I was. It takes time to work through new limitations. It is like being an infant all over again and learning to walk for the first time. And the fact that you know what you want your hand to do and the reality that you can’t make it happen is difficult. I was certain that I would never hold a brush again. After spending entirely too much time feeling sorry for myself, and nearly ending my life, it hit me that I could do anything if I truly wanted to. You have to believe in your own strengths and accept your new weaknesses. Once you are able to do that you can begin to triumph over them.” 

“Justin,” Marci interrupted, “one of the things that really helped my father as he was learning to paint again was a graphics computer that allowed him to use his left hand so he could still create. Back then the computer program was pretty basic and rudimentary. I’m sure that technology has advanced these computers. I have researched a company that sells these computers; it’s called Illuminating Graphics. I had them mail me a catalogue so that you could look at what they had to offer.” 

“You did that for me?” Justin asked. 

“Of course I did. You reminded me so much of my father. I knew I couldn’t suggest it too soon for fear of you rejecting the idea. I think that now is the best time. You are stronger, school will be starting soon, and I really think your advisor made you realize that your dreams are not over by any means.” 

“I’m sure these computers are not cheap. I’m guessing this will take another big chunk of my settlement money.” 

“Justin, Brian left me a large sum of money to use for Gus and in emergencies. I’m sure he would consider…” Lindsay said. 

“Thank you for the thought Lindsay, but I couldn’t take that money. It’s for you and Gus. I’ll be all right. I’m thinking of asking Ted to help me invest some of the money, so that I will benefit from it for some time. I think that the money spent on the computer will be a good investment in my future,” Justin said with conviction. For the first time in a long time Justin felt confident that he would have a future. 

--~^~^~--

Seattle, Washington ~ Offices of Wheeler Advertising

Brian pulled his motorcycle up to the curb and killed the engine. He looked up at the tall building that housed his friend’s new business. John had done well for himself. His building was located in the heart of the Seattle business district, and no doubt John was knocking on every door. 

Grabbing his helmet and duffle bag Brian entered the building and went to the security desk. “Hello, I’m Brian Kinney; I’m here to meet with John Wheeler. He should be expecting me,” Brian said to the rent-a-cop that sat behind the counter. 

“Yes, one moment please.” The officer called up to the 18th floor receptionist announcing Brian’s presence. “If you will just sign the log book and here is your visitor’s pass. The elevators are on the right just around the corner. Mr. Wheeler’s offices are on the 18th floor; he will be waiting for you.” 

“Thank you,” Brian answered, grateful that he hadn’t gotten any hassle. 

Brian used the elevator ride to compose himself. He was actually nervous about seeing John again. No doubt his college friend would be expecting the debonair, egotistical asshole he was always portraying.  Brian couldn’t be certain how John would react to the new man he was trying to become. Would he question whether Brian could still deliver the goods? Could he be the cut throat ad executive while dropping his nothing affects me façade?  Finally the elevator came to stop, and with the pinging of the bell, the doors opened.  Ready or not, he was going to have to deal with his friend’s reaction. 

John was shocked to say the least when he saw Brian step off the elevator.  He was dressed in worn jeans, a white t-shirt, and a denim button down that was open to his waist.  It was obvious that he hadn’t shaved in a day or so and he seemed a bit wind-blown.  But it wasn’t the rugged appearance that caught John off guard; it was the haunted and hesitant look in his eyes that startled him.  Brian still exuded the aura of determination and success, but the harsh, unyielding edge was no longer present. 

John shook himself from his thoughts when Brian cleared his throat, and he realized he was staring. “Brian, it’s great to see you! You look fantastic!” John said moving to embrace his long time friend. 

“I’m glad you said so. I was beginning to think I looked like some kind of freak or something,” Brian replied, tongue-in-cheek, accepting the hug from John.

“Looks like you’ve done well for yourself from what I can see,” Brian continued as the friends stepped back. 

“I can’t complain. So you mentioned something about making good on the deal we made that last day of college.” 

“Yeah, if you’re still interested?”

“Hell YES! I’m still interested!” John responded to Brian’s question as he looked at him as if he was asking him the stupidest question ever asked. 

“John, my life is complicated these days. I’m not the same man I used to be, or least I’m trying not to be that man. It’s a very long story, which I will tell you about, but I want you to be sure about this,” Brian said. 

“Brian, people don’t stay stagnant their whole life. If they did, they would sure as hell be boring. If you are trying to make some changes in your life, that’s great, but it really isn’t my business. I will support you in whatever I can; and I highly doubt that these changes you are attempting to make are related to your work. Was it not you that just won another CLIO recently?” John replied.

“Yes, come to think of it, that was me,” Brian smirked.

“Ah, there’s the confident bastard I’m accustomed to.” 

“That’s just it, John, I don’t want to be seen as that bastard anymore.” Brian suddenly became serious. 

“I can see that this is very important to you Brian. As I have already said, I will be here for you whenever you need me. If you need to tell me how these desired changes came about, I’ll listen, but for now, what do you say I take you on a tour of the company, and we will talk about some preliminary agreements.” 

“That sounds good.” Brian was so thankful for his friend’s candor. He found that he really did want to talk to John about everything and so far John was making him feel comfortable about that prospect. However, his main goal in coming here was to reclaim control of his career, and that was what he was going to do. 

-~^~- 

After a twenty minute tour of the offices, conference rooms, and art department, John led Brian to his office so they could discuss some logistics of them becoming partners. 
As they came around the corner Kristine stood to meet her boss’ friend and new associate. 

“Brian, this is my assistant, Kristine. Kristine, this is Brian Kinney, my long-time friend and new partner,” John introduced. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Brian. John speaks very highly of you. I’m excited about working with you,” Kristine said offering her hand. 

Brian accepted her hand and kissed it. “Why John, you didn’t say how intelligent and beautiful your assistant was.” 

“Watch it, Kinney, she’s MY assistant!” John knew Brian was being flirtatious to annoy him. He was glad to see him in this mood. Brian’s disposition had dampened when they were in the art department. John didn’t know why his friend reacted that way, but he guessed that it had something to do with why he was here now, so sooner or later he would find out. 

“Kristine, Brian and I are going to discuss our plans for our new partnership. Can you call down to legal and have them send Jody up with the needed paperwork.” 

“Sure thing, John. I’ll have Jody wait about half an hour then have her come up.” 

“That’s perfect, Kristine, thanks.” John and Brian then entered John’s office to figure out the future of their company.

“John, before we get started, I want to make sure that you realize I don’t expect handouts or an equal partnership. I will buy into the company, and as I gain accounts and contribute more, we can discuss a change in percentages. This is your company and I don’t want to supersede that.” Brian wanted to establish his expectations right at the beginning. 

“You certainly are still direct and to the point. Brian, I admire your genuine and forthright concern for the company. If I didn’t think you would actively and successfully contribute to our efforts, we wouldn’t be here right now. I still firmly believe that together we will be a formidable advertising power to contend with. What type of numbers were you thinking about?” 

“As I said I want to buy into the company; I was hoping to contribute thirty-five to forty-five percent to start and then after two years increase my contribution to forty-nine percent.” 

“That’s a very generous offer, Brian. How about this, you contribute thirty-seven percent the first year, forty-five percent the second year and at the end of that time we increase to a fifty-fifty partnership?” 

“John, this is your company…” 

“No, Brian, it is our company. Together we complement each other so well, who knows where the future will take us, and we may even open an office on the east coast.  I have absolute confidence in your abilities. You would never put my or your own reputation on the line by not giving 150%. Nor would you jeopardize a client’s trust in our abilities. As far as I’m concerned Brian, this is a done deal with the exception of putting our signatures on the dotted line.” 

Brian was a bit taken aback at the level of faith John had in him, especially since John and he had not worked together since college. But if he knew anything about John, once he had a plan in his head he went with it until it was proven wrong or detrimental to his objectives. At this stage of the game Brian decided he would go along with John’s plan. He could always out maneuver his friend if it became necessary. 

“All right, John, you’re on.” Brian extended his hand and John accepted it shaking on the deal. Just as they were finishing, Jody entered with all the legal paperwork that would be necessary to get the ball rolling. 

-~^~-

What seemed like a thousand signatures later, and a headache from squinting at the fine print, Brian was ready to get the hell out of Dodge. He was tired from his drive that had started at seven am that morning, and then ironing out all the particulars with John had taken the last bit of energy he had left. 

“You look pretty beat. How about we get out of here? You can stay at my place until you can find something of your own. There is a great Thai place that delivers, so we order in, have a few beers and catch up.” John suggested. 

“That sounds perfect. Would it be alright if I left my bike in the garage, and rode with you? I’m really not up for driving.” 

“No problem. You can leave it in my spot. I’ll arrange for you to get your own parking spot by tomorrow afternoon. Let me just grab my stuff and we’ll be out of here.” 

Brian nodded in compliance and waited for John to collect what he needed. The two friends then headed for the elevator and rode down to the main lobby. Brian exited and retrieved his bike, driving around to the garage entrance. John’s spot was on the first level close to the bank of elevators. As Brian entered the garage a sense of fear and urgency overtook him. This was the first time he had been in a parking garage since Justin’s bashing. He hadn’t realized the impact it would have on him. He tried desperately to keep his emotions in check. He didn’t want to break down in front of his friend. He quickly grabbed his things and rushed over to John’s car.

Brian’s pulse was racing and his breathing was erratic. “Brian, are you all right?”  John asked noticing the distress he was in. 

“Just drive, John,” Brian said shakily. “I’ll explain later, just please drive!” John quickly exited the garage and remained quiet all the way to his townhouse just outside the city. Brian was pale and seemed to be in another place and time. John finally comprehended that something in Brian’s recent past had sent him reeling and he had chosen him to be his confidant and help him reclaim his life. 

-~^~-

When the two men arrived at John’s home, Brian was physically and emotionally drained. John suggested that Brian go and lay down for a while. It was still early, just after five o’clock, so they could wait a couple hours before ordering dinner. Brian was thankful for the reprieve and actually fell into a deep sleep. 

About three hours later, Brian awoke and headed out of the guest room to find his host. 

“Sleeping beauty awakes,” John spoke from the wingback chair in the corner of the room. 

Brian jumped at John’s remark, as he had not located him yet when he entered. 

“Damn it! You scared the shit out of me!” Brian glared at his friend. 

“Turn around is fair game. You scared me today too,” John replied with a concerned tone. 

“I’m really sorry about that. I guess I owe you an explanation.” 

“Let’s order dinner first, and get a couple of beers. Then we can sit back and talk.” 

John rose from his spot in the corner and went to the kitchen to obtain the take-out menu from the “Thai Garden” so they could order. He then grabbed two beers and walked back into the living room. Brian had situated himself in a sunken club chair with his feet elevated on the ottoman in front. His head was resting against the back and his eyes were shut. John entered the room making heavy footsteps to alert Brian to his presence. 

“Here’s the menu, see anything you like?”

“I think I’ll just have the Thai noodles and then I’ll share some of whatever you get. They always give you too much.” John nodded at Brian’s comment.  

“I hope Sam Adams is all right; it’s all I’ve got.” 

“That’s fine for now. I may need something a bit stronger later,” Brian alluded to how difficult it may be for him to re-tell his tale. 

“Just got a new bottle of Beam the other day, so we’ll uncap that later.” John picked up the cordless phone and called to place the order for the food. After he hung up he sat on the sofa across from Brian and waited. 

“About a year ago, someone came into my life that changed me before I even realized it.
He was the complete opposite of what I typically went for. Blond hair, blue eyes, slight frame, alabaster skin, and a halo of innocence that shone on him just as the light from the street lamp illuminated him. He was only 17, first time, I don’t know what I was thinking, maybe I wasn’t, but I just knew that I had to have him.”

“I took him with me when Melanie called and told me that my son had been born. I let him name him; well I let him decide between Gus and Abraham. I was assured that Gus was the best way to avoid getting harassed during his school years. Mel wasn’t too happy. Justin stayed with me that night. Did I tell you his name was Justin? Justin Taylor. I couldn’t believe it when I rolled over the next morning and he was there lying next to me. I never thought I would want to wake up with someone, but it actually felt pretty good. I realize now that it wasn’t the fact that Justin was still there, but that I was actually okay with him being there. Mikey was more shocked than I was.”

“Is good ole Mikey still hanging on your coat tails?” 

“Yeah, I don’t think he’ll ever stop.” 

“I did everything in my power to push Justin away. I knew I wasn’t good for him. I had figured out that he would be great for me, but I just couldn’t be that selfish. Unfortunately, the little shit was persistent. He followed me everywhere, insinuated himself into the lives of my friends. Ultimately, he alienated his parents and I let him move in with me. That didn’t last long. I had a major drama melt down and kicked him out when someone broke into my loft and stole everything. This led to a road trip to New York City, ala Brian Kinney and the three stooges. Damn the sex was fantastic once I found him!

“His next place of residence was at Debbie’s. You remember Deb, don’t you?” 

“Yes, quite fondly actually. I’ll never forget her telling me that I should feel blessed, because I was probably the only straight man that you wouldn’t fuck or fuck over. She definitely left an indelible impression.” John chuckled at the memory as Brian continued. 

“With Justin at Deb’s I was able to keep him more preoccupied. Deb gave him a job at the diner and between that and school he stayed pretty busy. I’ll never forget one of my favorite memories with him. I had gone over to see Gus and when I got there Justin was there with Lindsay and Mel. Lindsay was trying to convince him to show some of his sketches at the GLC art show. I had no idea that he was so talented. He had sketched me as he saw me that first morning after we had been together. I was so startled by the way he captured me. But I guess he was on to me from the first moments we were together.” 

Brian’s story came to a pause when the door bell indicated that their dinner had arrived. Both men stood and as John answered the door, Brian went to the kitchen to retrieve two more beers. The two settled back in, each with their meal, and Brian continued. 

“Over the next couple of months several things seemed to collapse in on me at once.  I was charged with sexual harassment, my father died, I tried to force Mikey to grow up, and probably the worst of all I signed over my parental rights to Melanie, so that she and Lindsay would stay together and give Gus the stable home that he deserved. I agonized over my decision for days. No one in my self-made family took the time to notice how difficult this choice was for me. Only Justin could read my moods and was always there trying to comfort me and supporting me once I had made my decision.” 

“I was becoming accustomed to having Justin around, and that really scared me. On the night that I won my CLIO, I not only fucked a colleague, but that same colleague told me that I was wasting my talents in Pittsburgh, that I should move on to bigger and better things; namely New York City.  I decided that it was as good a time as any to take the Big Apple by storm. Mikey was getting ready to jet to Portland with his lover ‘the Doc’ as I liked to call him, and I needed to get away from Justin before I was completely lost to him.  I thought I had finally pushed him away. Then I took him in my arms, his tears soaking my shoulder, and the sensations of doubt and regret overtook me. Could I really leave him behind? The decision was taken out of my hands when Adam called me and told me that they hired internally, and that they would keep me in mind if something else came up.” 

John became concerned when Brian had not said anything for the past five minutes. “Bri, are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

“You think that we could open that Beam now?” Brian knew the most difficult part of this story was coming, and he felt the strong need to fortify himself before he began. 

John went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the Beam. He collected two small tumblers and returned to his friend. Pouring the amber liquid into the glass, he handed it to Brian and watched as he consumed it in one shot. Looking down at Brian he re-filled his glass and poured one for himself. Brian took another swallow, but left most of whiskey in the bottom of the glass. 

“We don’t have to do this now, Brian. We can wait,” John offered seeing how difficult this was for him. 

“No I need to do this. Just give me a minute.” 

Brian relived the moments leading up to his decision to go to the prom. He began speaking not realizing at first that he was. “It was about a week before my thirtieth birthday, which for me was like a death sentence. I had failed to obtain my dream of New York and Mikey was leaving me. I didn’t think I could get any lower. Justin wanted me to go to his prom with him. Of course I told him no. I mean a thirty year old showing up at a high school prom, could I plummet myself any further. So I decided to live up to one of my favorite mantras, ‘life’s not worth living if you don’t take risks’. I had bought myself an exquisite white silk scarf, drank one too many shots, and smoked some of my best stash. Mikey found me just before the ultimate orgasm hit me. Being Mikey, he spouted off his usual ego booster, and put me to bed. I feigned sleep so he would leave. When I heard the loft door close, I opened my eyes, and stared at the ceiling. What was I doing? I crawled out of bed, and dug in the back of my closet for my most prized possession. I stared at that first sketch Justin had done of me that I secretly bought from the GLC show. At that moment I knew what I needed to do. I was still taking a risk, but for once, I was taking a risk on another person; and I was going to risk my heart.” 

Once again, Brian became silent; his thoughts wandering back to the preparations he made before getting ready to give Justin the night of his life. John was grateful for the quiet, as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Brian could have killed himself. Brian was always so confident and self assured. John couldn’t imagine Brian harboring all these thoughts of self doubt. When he realized that Brian was crying, John reached out to put a supportive hand on his shoulder. Brian looked up at the contact and continued speaking, regardless of the tears rolling down his stubble covered face. 

“I wish you could have seen him. He was the most beautiful creature in the whole room. He was dancing with his best friend Daphne. She noticed me first. When she tapped Justin on the shoulder and he turned in my direction, I knew that I was his. No one would ever capture me, my heart, or my soul like this young man had. I walked over to him nonchalantly, gained Daphne’s permission to steal him away, and I led him to the dance floor. I was completely terrified, but the smile on his face chased every ounce of fear from my mind. I was doing this for him, and no one else mattered. The song that came on could not have been more perfect; “Save the Last Dance” by the Drifters. Justin, despite everything, always accepted me the way I was. I know he had expectations of me and what he wanted our relationship to be, but he was willing to sacrifice his wants and desires for me.  And I wanted to show him that I could sacrifice for him too.

“When the dance was over we ran out of the ballroom and headed down to my Jeep. I thought we would just leave and head straight for the loft, but he reminded me that he had to make sure Daphne got home. When we reached the Jeep, I spun him around and draped the white silk scarf around his neck. He had no idea what I had been using it for the previous night, but to me, I was giving him my life. We shared a ‘ridiculously romantic’ kiss that I hoped conveyed what was to come, and he turned to retrace his steps back to the ballroom. I watched in my side view mirror…” Brian’s voice became shaky and soft, “…I saw the bat first. It was like for an instant it didn’t matter that there was someone holding the bat, just the fact that the bat could hurt the young man who I had just given my heart to. I tried to call out to him, stop the person from swinging, but I wasn’t fast enough. The light that had just shone at me from his beautiful face went dark in less than a second.

“I went after the coward that attacked him, and quickly rushed to Justin’s side. I pleaded with him not to leave me, I even begged God. I rode with him to the hospital, when they took him behind the sterile doors that prevented my entrance, I didn’t know what to do. My subconscious took over, I called Michael, but he didn’t answer. The hospital found Justin’s identification and contacted his mother. When she arrived, I knew that she blamed me, but she couldn’t hate me more than I hated myself.” 

“It was several hours later…the uh…nurse told me that…she was sorry…but that he didn’t make it. I killed him, before I got to tell him I loved him.” Brian was weeping uncontrollably, yet numb to the point of tranquility. John embraced his friend and tried to absorb some of his pain. Now was not the time to talk. Not the time to try to convince Brian that it wasn’t his fault. Brian needed to rest. John helped Brian to his feet and guided him to the guest room; Brian sat down on the edge of the bed ignorant of the world around him. John removed Brian’s shirt and jeans, made sure he was secure in his bed. He gently wiped a stray tear from Brian’s cheek, and turned to leave him to his sleep. 

---~^~^~^~---

Pittsburgh, PA ~ Three weeks later

It was the beginning of September and Justin was having a rough day.  He had ordered the graphics computer, but it hadn’t arrived yet. During the first few days of school he had met with all his professors, and the other students he would be working with. To his surprise most of them were understanding and willing to work with him despite his setback. Unfortunately, the key word was “MOST”. Shane Astor had a big chip on his shoulder and didn’t understand why Justin should get any type of special treatment. “If he can’t do the work, he shouldn’t be here!” That comment seemed to reverberate through his brain most of the time. 

The past couple of days he wondered where he even was. He couldn’t focus, his hand was cramping up on him more often, and he felt completely alone, despite being around people most of the day. The previous night, Lindsay and Mel had asked him to baby sit, so they could attend a fundraiser for the GLC after school art program. Justin was so excited about getting to spend some quality time with Gus. Shortly before he put Gus to sleep, he sat in the rocking chair; Gus cradled in his arms and read him some nursery rhymes. The last one he read was “Humpty Dumpty”.  

When the girls arrived home, Justin collected his things, said his goodbyes, and headed for his Jeep. All the way back to his apartment, he couldn’t help but think how he felt like that broken egg, which no one could fix.

So today after going another round with Shane, Justin was getting close to the end of his tether. He stopped by to see Alex, but on this rare occasion she was not in. Justin decided maybe he just needed to drive and try to clear his head. When his journey came to an end he found himself sitting in his car at the corner of Tremont. He had not been to the loft at all since he was released from the hospital. But for some reason today he was drawn to it. 
Justin turned off his car, collected his keys and made his way to the entrance. 

Entering the building caused a sense of calm to drape over him. He slowly took the stairs up to the heavy loft door. Retrieving his keys from his pocket, he unlocked the door, and slid it open. The alarm pinged and he entered the code to shut it off. Much of the furniture had been covered, and a blanket of dust had settled on the floor. Justin slowly rotated his body around the room, memories flooding his brain. Jambalaya, dancing after Brian’s run in with his father, ice cream kisses, trying to teach Michael table etiquette, and the countless places that they hadn’t been able to tame their need for each other surrounded him like a fog. 

Justin walked up to the bedroom and pushed open one of the panes of glass. What he saw there shocked him. There was a deep blue, velvet duvet scattered with white rose petals, the edges of which were now decayed with time. A bottle of champagne floated in a sterling ice bucket with two glass flutes sitting on the night side table. As he came around the end of the bed he noticed clothes rumpled on the floor. He bent over to pick them up. When he held them up in front of him he noticed the blood stains and realized the suit was Brian’s from the night of the prom. He dropped them as if they had burned his skin. Justin began to weep as he realized what Brian had done for him that night, and what might have been if…He then collapsed onto the bed hugging Brian’s pillow tightly to his body. 

The strains of a song wafted through the open loft door as Justin grieved…

<i>There’s been no sunlight since the day you said goodbye
Since the moment that my life turned into a masquerade
Can’t even pretend to paste a smile across my face
All my dreams have been erased
There’s nothing left to save me

And you, You’re the only one can stop my sky from falling
You’re the only one whose name I keep on calling
When everything is closing in, And you

You’re the only one who can stop this heart from aching
You’re the only one who can stop me from shaking
And put me back together again

What I’d give just to wake up 
And wipe your memory from my eyes
But I can’t wish for bluer skies
I’ve never been quite so hopeless

And you, You’re the only one who can stop my sky from falling
You’re the only one whose name I keep on calling
When everything is closing in

And you, You’re the only one who can stop this heart from aching
You’re the only one who can stop me shaking
And put me back together again

And if you stay away I fear it will all be too much
And if you stay away I’ll be a man who’s lost his touch
And you, You’re the only one who can stop my sky from falling
You’re the only one whose name I keep on calling
When everything is closing in 

And you, You’re the only one who can stop this heart from aching
You’re the only one who can stop me shaking
And put me back together…Again</i>

---~^~---

Seattle, WA ~ that same day…

Brian exited his office and strode down the hall to discuss his plans for his newest campaign with John, before they closed up shop for the day. Brian’s trust and confidence in John only grew after the night he told John about the past year of his life. John had listened without judgment and only offered advice when asked. His friend had told him that he would be there whenever he needed him, and that was all Brian could ask for. 

In true label queen style, Brian had asked John to take him to the best men’s store in town so that he could acquire appropriate attire befitting a man of his position. They had spent entirely too much money, and dined at one of the best restaurants, reliving the good ole days. Since then Brian had thought about his lover, and the good times that they had had. He was tempted to call Lindsay, but had put it off for a little while longer; wanting to get settled in first. 

As he reached John’s office door, he knocked and entered. When he looked over toward John’s desk, he guessed he should have waited for John to grant him entrance. 

“Excuse me, I’m so sorry. I’ll come back later.” Brian quickly turned to exit the office.

“Brian wait! It’s okay. We were just celebrating,” Kristine said. 

“Celebrating what?” 

“John?” Kristine asked.

“Go ahead, I know you are about to burst!” John teased.

“John just asked me to marry him!” Kristine practically screamed while showing off the ring John had just put on her finger. 

Brian gave John a sly look as he gave Kristine a hug. “Congratulations! That’s wonderful!” 

Releasing Kristine from his embrace, Brian stepped over to John and shook his hand. “I’m so happy for you! The two of you will be great for each other.” 

“Thanks, Brian. Oh, by the way, JD is coming home tonight; she’s bringing a friend from college over for dinner. So I’ll get to drop the bomb on her as well.” 

“I can’t wait to see that. How is Jamie Dianne doing anyway?” Brian had always called John’s sister by her full name, mostly because it drove her crazy, but after a while she found it endearing for Brian to call her that. When she was little it made her feel special. 

“She’s doing well. She was just hired as the editor of an up and coming magazine called ‘Intelligible’. That’s actually why she is coming home. She will be relocating to Chicago, so she has to start the ball rolling from this end.” 

“That’s fantastic; I’m sure she is excited,” Brian said. “Well, I was going to discuss the Seattle’s Best campaign, but there is just too much to celebrate tonight. So I’m going back to my office, collecting my stuff and head home. I’ll leave you two alone, and I’ll see you both at the house this evening.” 

“But Brian, how will you get home?”

“Don’t worry about it, taking a cab one night won’t kill me.”

“See you later, Brian.” Kristine said, just before John captured her in another kiss. 

Brian smiled all the way back to his office. He was genuinely happy for his friends. Brian had sensed a growing affection between them since he started working there three weeks ago. Arriving back at his office, he put his work in his briefcase, closed down his computer and grabbed his jacket. Taking the elevator to the lobby, he hailed a cab to take him home. He still couldn’t handle the garage. 

When Brian returned to John’s house, he put the bottle of wine he had stopped and purchased in the fridge to chill then went up to take a shower. When he finished with his shower, Brian put on a pair of 501’s and his t-shirt from the Sassy Moose. The first time he wore it John couldn’t help but laugh at him, but it was Brian’s favorite new shirt. Barefoot, Brian went down the stairs and waited for John and Kristine to arrive. 

When he heard the front door open, Brian thought it was John and Kristine, but he was surprised when JD walked in with another young woman. “Oh my God, Brian Kinney!” Jamie Dianne ran full force and jumped into Brian’s arms. 

“Down girl, you’re not getting any lighter,” Brian laughed. 

“Fuck you, Kinney. Didn’t you just turn thirty, isn’t that half way to the grave?” 

“Well according to my friends, it’s completely six feet under.” Bit back. 

Realizing she hit a sore spot JD retreated. “Brian, this is my friend, Allison Darby.” 

“Nice to meet you, Allison. How on earth do you put up with her?” Brian motioned to JD. 

“It’s difficult, but I do my best,” Allison replied, and JD flipped her off. 

“JD, are you here?” John yelled. 

“In the living room, molesting Brian!” JD yelled back. It was an ongoing joke among the three of them. JD had a huge crush on Brian when she first met him while John and Brian were in college. 

John, with Kristine on his arm, entered the living room discovering, Brian and JD sitting on the sofa, with Allison across from them. John was glad to see Brian joking around with his sister. 

“JD, you remember Kristine, don’t you?” John asked.

“Of course, how are you doing, Kristine?” 

“Absolutely wonderful, especially since your brother here is going to make an honest woman out of me!” Kristine said with a huge smile on her face.

“Holy Shit! Congratulations!” JD ran over to her brother and Kristine engulfing them both in a huge embrace. 

John was so relieved at his sister’s reaction. John’s parents were high society and were the paragons of their set. He firmly believed that if arranged marriages were still an option that he would have been settled down at the age of twenty. Kristine came from a simple, tight-knit family that made their living on a dairy farm in Wisconsin. John had met her parents on several occasions and he liked them immensely. 

“Have you told mom and dad yet?” JD asked John. 

“No, I haven’t; and quite honestly I don’t know if I want to. It’s not because I’m ashamed of Kristine, in fact it’s quite the opposite. I don’t know if I think mom and dad deserve to know her.” John had been somewhat estranged from his parents ever since he refused to come home after college and run the family business. 

“John, you need to tell them. Despite the fact that they are self-absorbed and should have lived in medieval times, they are still our parents. They were upset yes about your professional decisions, but personally; they just want you to be happy. And it is plainly obvious that Kristine makes you very happy.” 

“You’re right she does. So honey, up for a trip to the old homestead over Thanksgiving?” John questioned Kristine.

“Definitely! But are you going to tell them before we get there? I’d hate to ambush them. I want to make a good first impression.” 

“Well, as much as I’d love to see my parents tripping over their own tongues; yes, I’ll phone them next week and tell them,” John answered giving Kristine a peck on the cheek. 

Brian had watched bemused by the interaction between John and his sister. Brian knew John’s parents and he too would enjoy any joke on their behalf. When he had gone home for the holidays with John, their senior year, he was greeted with the condescension he expected. But by the end of his visit, he and John had his parents convinced that John was gay and they were secretly lovers. John cleared up that little lie shortly after New Years, but it was fun while it lasted. 

“So what’s for dinner?” Brian asked, reminding the group of his presence. 

“We stopped at the store on our way home, thought we’d grill some steaks, have salad, and whatever else strikes our fancy,” John said. 

“Sounds perfect, why don’t you get that started, while I entertain the women folk,” Brian glibly replied to his friend. 

“For a guy who is turning over a new leaf, you’re still a pain in the ass, Kinney,” John shot back. 

Brian laughed at his friend’s remark; yeah he could still be an ass. He figured that was okay from time to time. 

Over the course of the evening the friends shared stories, and discussed plans for the future. Brian became a bit melancholy, but he tried to stay upbeat, so not to ruin the mood of the evening. When it came to talking about careers, John and Brian seemed to monopolize the conversation, going on and on about their plans to develop the company. Finally JD broke in and talked a bit about what she was going to be doing at the magazine. Kristine of course would still be working for John and Brian. Last but not least Brian engaged Allison in conversation about what she wanted to do. 

“Well, I’m not certain at this point. I’m actually in my fifth year at University of Washington. I could have finished with JD, but I double majored in Journalism and Fine Arts, so I’m finishing up the last of my Journalism requirements this fall. I’m hoping to take a couple of months off when I’m done to do some traveling and broaden my horizons, but I think I would really love to work at an art magazine, or critique up and coming artists. So many critics are old and stuck in their ways, and opinions. I hope that I could give a fresh perspective.” 

“My boyfriend…he was an artist. I think the two of you would have really liked each other.” Brian was saddened, yet happy to meet another young person so excited by art.

“Is he no longer pursuing art?” Allison asked, ignorant of the painful discussion she was starting. 

“Um Allison…” John started.

“It’s all right, John. I need to start talking about him. I can’t shut myself off from his memory forever.” Brian paused, taking a breath. “Justin, my boyfriend died recently. He was the victim of a hate crime. He would have been a tremendous artist. He had so much passion.” Brian looked down at his hands. 

Everyone was silent, disturbing Brian more than if they had all offered him sympathy. “Hey, this is supposed to be a fun night. Why don’t we all refresh our drinks and maybe talk about someone’s upcoming nuptials.” All in the group nodded in agreement. Brian excused himself to go to the bathroom. John and Kristine collected the last of the dishes, while JD and Allison stayed on the patio refreshing the drinks from the bar. 

“JD, do you remember that article I wrote in the last edition of the school paper, before summer?” 

“Yeah, the one about hate crimes.” 

“Yes, well after I wrote that article I did a follow up piece to the story; I tried to find out information about some of the victims mentioned in the original. Brian said his boyfriends name was Justin, and you told me that Brian was from Pittsburgh right?” 

“Al, what are you getting at?” 

“JD, I think Justin is alive. Justin Taylor was bashed at his high-school prom by a homophobic jock. His older lover came to the dance and when he was leaving he witnessed the attack.” 

“But why do you think he is the same Justin?” 

“When I did the follow-up, I spoke with a family member, who said that Justin was struggling to regain his life, but that his lover had left Pittsburgh, because he had been given inaccurate information.” Allison looked at her friend with determination trying to convey that she thought Brian was the missing lover. 

“What are you two gossiping about over here?” John asked as returned with some chilled fruit and fresh whipped cream. 

Allison retold her story to John. She didn’t know what to do. She hoped that John would guide her in the right direction. They were still milling about by the bar, when Brian returned. He had pasted on a smile and was ready to continue the evening. When his friends turned around, the look they gave him sent a chill down his spine. 

“What?” Brian asked, fearful of the answer. 

“Brian, you’d better sit down,” John suggested. 

“Why, just tell me why you’re all looking at me like that?” 

“Brian,” Allison began, “as you were telling me about your boyfriend, I remembered a piece I wrote for the last regular edition of our school paper; it was on hate crimes.” Brian started to shake slightly, and clasped his arms around his waist. “I did a follow up to the article, researching the victims from my original story. One of the victims was a Justin Taylor of Pittsburgh.” Allison waited for any reaction from Brian, when none was forth coming she continued. “He is alive.” 


<b>Authors note: This chapter is dedicated to Mariana for her patience and persistence. Special thanks to my beta Gayle, and Cheryl and Teresa for being the greatest friends ever. 

Song lyrics: “Again” by Richard Marx from his album My Own Best Enemy, 2004</b>