According to the law of Karma, the potential energy of the Reproductive Karma could be nullified by a mere powerful opposing Karma of the past, which, seeking an opportunity, may quite unexpectedly operate, just as a powerful counteractive force can obstruct the path of a flying arrow and bring it down to the ground. Such an action is called Destructive Karma, which is more effective than the previous two in that it is not only obstructive but also destroys the whole force. The Destructive Karma also may be either good or bad. Chapter 20 Daphne sat at her desk at work and tried to concentrate on the medical journal she was attempting to read. The words were all running into each other and nothing was making any sense. Her mind was a million miles away. It was still in the dream that she had last night, the one that seemed so real, the one that she had awoken from, crying quietly until Alex had taken her in his arms and soothed her. She had dreamed that she had two little girls, they were four-years old, and they were having a birthday party. It was their condo, but not really. The room looked familiar, but it was larger and brighter, there were balloons everywhere. Alex was in the dream too, taking pictures, looking just as happy as she was. “Daddy, look at my cake,” one of the little ones said. Alex went over and peeked at the cake. It had a big picture of Eeyore and Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh. “Isn’t it pretty?” she asked, looking at Alex with her big, blue eyes. “Yes, it’s a beautiful cake, honey,” he said, smiling down at his daughter. The other one chimed up and said, “Come look at mine too! I have Winnie on my cake, Daddy.” Alex moved over to the other side of the table where his other daughter stood. She was the mirror opposite of the first one, her hair was blond and her eyes dark, while the first girl had dark hair and light eyes. Daphne had seen them both so clearly in her dream. There were people in the background, family and some friends. She saw Brian and Emmett, Melanie and Lindsay, her mother and father but no Justin. He wasn’t in the picture; she kept turning around looking for him but he wasn’t there. The girls were blowing on their candles and everyone was singing, “Happy Birthday.” Then she saw him. He was in the corner of the room with Max. They were cooking something in a large pot, mixing it round and round with a big wooden spoon. Smoke was coming out of the pot and it was making bubbling noises. Justin had a silly grin on his face, the kind he would get when he’d been high on E. “Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.” Justin and Max were chanting as they stood over the pot, laughing hysterically. Max had his chef’s hat on and Justin had his King of Babylon crown on his head. They were both wearing Speedo’s. She walked over to the corner and asked them what they were making. “Babies, Daphne,” Justin said. “I’m making a new batch for you.” “What?” she asked confused and disoriented. “Come look, it’s a new recipe, Max made it for us.” She moved over to the pot and peered in. There were little eggs bobbing around, blue and pink ones, with names on them. Names like Billy, Erik, Margie, Susie; lots and lots of little pink and blue eggs that were getting bigger and bigger as the guys stirred. They looked like the pretty colored balls that you see in amusement parks, in the cages that parents let their kids play in. Max scooped out two blue ones and handed them to Justin. “Okay, these are ready,” he said. Justin took them and wrapped them in a blue blanket. Then he walked over to an enormous chair, one that was three sizes too big for him, and climbed up on the ladder that was leaning on it and placed the little blanket with the eggs on it. He then sat on them, slowly, so they wouldn’t break. He sat there and crossed his arms and waited, while everyone in the room watched. “What are you doing?” she asked, calling to him from down below. “I’m waiting for them to hatch, Daphne, what does it look like I’m doing?” he said, clearly irritated by her question. He sat on his throne with the crown on his head, looking like the Wizard of Oz, rather than the King of Babylon. There was music in the background, music that had changed from ‘Happy Birthday’ to the gay thumpa-thumpa that she remembered from her few sojourns into Babylon years ago with Justin. “But, I don’t need anymore babies, Justin. You can stop that, I already have the girls,” she said. “Too late, Daphne,” Justin answered. “They’re already cooking.” Then the dream shifted again and she was back with Alex and the little girls, each one holding a child in their arms and they were back to singing nursery rhymes. “What is Uncle Justin doing Mommy?” “Making two brothers for you girls,” she answered. “We don’t want any brothers,” the girls said in unison. “Yes,” Alex said, “We don’t want anymore babies. Tell him to stop it!” “Justin,” she called out. “Justin, stop sitting on the eggs. Stop it Justin.” The buzzer on her phone kept going off and Daphne finally noticed it, forcing herself to get her mind back to the present. She pressed the button on the communicator. “Yes?” “It’s Mr. Taylor on the line, Doctor. Do you want to take the call?” Oh, this is too weird, Daphne thought to herself as she picked up the phone. “Hey, Justin,” she said tentatively. “Hi Daphe. Are you okay?” Justin asked. Daphne ran her right hand through her hair and took a deep breath. “I’m fine, Justin.” “No you’re not. What happened Daphe? Did anything happen that you’re not telling me about?” The tears appeared out of nowhere, streaming down her face. She swiped a tissue angrily out of the box on her desk and blotted them away, annoyed that she was so out of control. “I just had a crazy dream last night and I’ve been sitting here thinking about it.” “What was it about?” he asked. She told him briefly and he laughed when she told him about the part where he was sitting on the eggs like some weirdo big bird. “Well, I’m glad you are finding this whole thing so amusing, Justin. I was pretty upset when I woke up.” “Hey,” he said gently. “I’m not laughing at you Daphe, I’m laughing at the dream.” “Whatever,” she said quietly. “Why are you calling, Justin?” “Would it be okay to bring Tiffany and her friend to your party? Gus and Austin were wondering if you would mind.” “No, of course I don’t mind,” Daphne said. “But aren’t those girls a little too old for Gus and Austin? I thought you disapproved?” “They are and I do, but the boys think they’re going to be bored at your party without people their own age, or close to their age, so they asked Tiffany and her best friend.” “That’s fine, Justin.” “Okay, thanks a lot Daphe. We’ll see you tomorrow.” “No problem.” Daphne put the phone down and sat there thinking. She was so close to just throwing in the towel and saying ‘fuck it’ to this whole plan of hers. Justin seemed no closer to making a decision and she was running out of patience. Her dream had only exacerbated her feelings. It felt wonderful holding the little girl in her arms. She wanted a child so badly, it had taken over all her thoughts and she longed for a future when she and Alex would become parents. In the meantime, Alex seemed happy with the way his plans were progressing on getting to know Brian and Justin better. He’d started playing racquetball with Brian twice a week and had mentioned to her what a good athlete he was, something he found surprising in a Gay man. She told him that Brian was the most masculine guy she knew; he just happened to like cock. Alex was introduced to a whole new world seeing Justin and Brian together. Previous to this, his idea of homosexuals was pretty much text book, and now that he saw it all up close and personal, he realized what a misconception he had and how out-dated his ideas were. They were just like any other couple in a good relationship, better in many ways. They seemed to have a wonderful sense of each other’s thoughts and wants, almost being able to communicate without saying one word. Although they were not overly affectionate in public, he could tell that they enjoyed each other’s company and the physical side of their partnership seemed strong and viable. He knew this because he had seen them kissing once, outside the hospital after Justin had dropped Brian off for his game, and the kiss was definitely hot. Brian was a keen competitor and a good athlete. He was also highly intelligent, well informed and had a great sense of humor; all qualities that Alex was seeing and benefiting from in this new friendship. Justin, of course, was everything Daphne said he’d be and what’s more, he seemed more than happy to allow Alex into his circle of family and friends. He was exceedingly generous, almost to a fault. Alex had heard about his foundation and the yearly scholarships that were doled out to starving artists. Daphne had told him that this was Justin’s way of making sure that no one would have to go through what he had, when he was trying to make it on his own after his father had basically thrown him out. She’d recounted the whole story to Alex and he was amazed that Justin was able to survive being on his own in the world at such a young age. Daphne said that Brian had much to do with it, but the more he got to know Justin the more he realized that he would have probably done just fine on his own, without Brian’s help. Another eye opener was Brian and Justin’s relationship with their son. Again, Alex had heard the stories about how Gus had been conceived and all the trials and tribulations that occurred afterward, however, what he was seeing today was a strong and loving relationship between the three of them. It only re-enforced Daphne’s belief that having a child and sharing it with Justin would work, if he were to agree to such a thing. Obviously, Lindsay and Melanie were benefiting from having these men in their lives and Gus was the winner in the whole arrangement. Would it work for them? Having another man in the relationship, as well as the father? That was something Alex was still pondering. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin was on his way to Natrona Heights to visit with the Master. He had called him earlier and told him he needed his advice on a pressing matter. As usual, the Master had given him an appointment time on the same day, not asking any questions. Justin drove through the gates and parked his car. He started walking to the stone bench, their usual meeting place, but this time, the Master was waiting at the edge of the garden and told him he would prefer to meet with him inside the temple. Justin followed silently, wondering what was going on. As they entered, he watched as the Master put his hands together and bowed before the statue of Buddha. He lit several incense sticks and then he motioned to Justin to sit with him on the floor in front of one of the shrines. “I want you to sit here for a few minutes and meditate with me, Justin. You need to free your mind of any thoughts, I want you clear-headed and calm. Then we can converse,” Master said. He then proceeded to cross his legs and put his hands together, bending forward and starting a mantra, softly and melodiously, saying the words over and over, humming them in a voice that was calm and reassuring. Justin closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind of all thoughts. He visualized a perfect place, somewhere warm and clean and beautiful to the eye. His mind became a virtual canvas as he added the colors, one at a time, layering his vision with the hues that he considered peaceful and harmonious. Nothing occupied his thoughts except the special place he was in; this ideal place where only good things happened and honorable intentions ruled the land. He heard the chanting in the background and it soothed him. He could feel himself moving away from his body, letting the Master’s words lull him into the special state of bare mindfulness. After what seemed like a few minutes, but in reality was close to an hour, he felt the Master gently shaking him and telling him it was time to go. Justin blinked several times, waking from a deep state of peacefulness. They rose and made their way out of the temple and out to the gardens; to the Koi pond and the stone bench. They sat and were silent for several minutes. “Tell me Justin, what is troubling you?” Justin took a deep breath and asked, “How does Buddhism feel about homosexuals, Master?” The Master looked at Justin and thought about his answer for several minutes. “The Buddha questioned many of the assumptions existing in his society, including moral ones, and tried to develop an ethics based upon reason and compassion rather than tradition, superstitions and taboo,” the Master stated. “Having questioned the conventional basis of morality, the Buddha suggested three criteria for making moral judgments. The first is what might be called the universality principle-to act towards others the way we would like them to act towards us. For what is unpleasant to me must be unpleasant to another, and how could I burden someone with that?” the Master asked. “So, do onto others as you would have them do unto you? That is also a Christian belief, Master.” Justin replied. “Yes, it’s common to many religions. However, Buddha takes it a step further.” “How?” “Any behavior that causes harm to oneself and others could be called blameworthy while any behavior that causes no harm (and presumably which helps) oneself and others could be called praiseworthy. The suggestion is, therefore, that in determining right and wrong one has to look into the actual and possible consequences of the action in relation to the agent and those affected by the action. The Buddha has said, ‘The deed which causes remorse afterwards and results in weeping and tears is ill-done. The deed which causes no remorse afterwards and results in joy and happiness is well-done’. This is what might be called the consequential principle, that behavior can be considered good or bad according to the consequence or effects it has.” “Another way of determining right and wrong is what might be called the instrumental principle, that is, that behavior can be considered right or wrong according to whether or not it helps us to attain our goal. The ultimate goal of Buddhism is Nirvana, a state of mental peace and purity, and anything that leads one in that direction is good.” “That still doesn’t answer my question Master. Do Buddhists consider homosexuals deviants? Are they ostracized in your religion?” “The Buddha specifically mentions several types of unskillful sexual behavior, Justin, the most common of which is adultery. This is unskillful because it requires subterfuge and deceit, it means that solemn promises made at the time of marriage are broken, and it amounts to a betrayal of trust. He also mentions avoiding intercourse with girls still under the ward of their parents, married women, female prisoners or with those already engaged to another. Although only females are mentioned, no doubt the same would apply to males in the same position.” The Master rose from the bench and started pacing as he talked. Justin never took his eyes off him. “As homosexuality is not explicitly mentioned in any of the Buddha’s discourses (more than 20 volumes in the Pali Text), we can only assume that it is meant to be evaluated in the same way that heterosexuality is. And indeed, it seems that this may be why it is not specifically mentioned. In the case of the lay man and woman where there is mutual consent, where adultery is not involved and where the sexual act is an expression of love, respect, loyalty and warmth, it would not be breaking the third Precept. And it is the same when the two people are of the same gender. Likewise, promiscuity, license and the disregard for the feelings of others would make a sexual act unskillful, whether it be heterosexual or homosexual. All the principles we would use to evaluate a heterosexual relationship we would also use to evaluate a homosexual one. In Buddhism we could say that it is not the object of one’s sexual desire that determines whether a sexual act in unskillful or not, but rather the quality of the emotions and intentions involved.” “So then, it’s accepted?” Justin asked. “Justin, the Buddhist monk’s role has always been very different from his Christian counterpart. His job has been to teach the Dhamma and to act as a quiet example of how it should be lived. This, together with Buddhism’s rational approach to ethics and the high regard it has always given to tolerance has meant that homosexuals in Buddhist societies have been treated very differently from how they have been in the West. In fact, Theravada Buddhist countries like Sri Lanka and Burma had no legal statutes against homosexuality between consenting adults until the colonial era when they were introduced by the British. Thailand, which has no colonial experience, still has no laws. Certainly the loathing, fear and hatred that the Western homosexual has so often had to endure is absent, and this is due, to a very large degree, to Buddhism’s humane and tolerant influence.” “That is the most intelligent and rational explanation I’ve ever heard,” Justin said. “I wish that the entire world would become Buddhist.” The Master smiled at Justin and placed his hand on Justin’s leg. “You are not being realistic, my son.” “I know, Master, its just wishful thinking.” “The start of any journey begins with small steps, Justin. There are many people out there who wish for the same things you do. Is there anything else that you would like to discuss today?” Justin looked at the Master. The eyes that looked out from the hooded slits were kind and showed only respect and concern. Nowhere did he see condemnation, judgment or revulsion. He decided to open up, to tell him about Daphne’s request, Brian’s reaction, and his dilemma. He started talking and virtually had diarrhea of the mouth; his thoughts pouring out non-stop. The Master sat and listened, nodding at the appropriate times, interjecting a word here and there, but never interrupting. His eyes never changed with anything he heard. All Justin saw was sympathy and sadness, never condemnation. Justin talked on, letting it all out, withholding nothing. He spoke about his relationship with Brian, the years of struggle and everything they had been through, how Gus came to be, their current relationship, Daphne, her issues and her pain, their ties with Melanie and Lindsay and his father’s anger and condemnation of his lifestyle. They sat on the stone bench, in the quiet of the late afternoon, never even noticing that the sun was slowly starting to set on the horizon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The party was in full swing and Emmett and Max stood off to the side of the room observing the crowd. “This is going really well,” Emmett said, his eyes moving back and forth across the room, noticing everything. “Of course it is,” Max acknowledged. “You’re in charge.” “Thanks Gorgeous!” Em replied, giving Max a light peck on the cheek. “And of course your food is an incredible hit, as I knew it would be. Who would have thought these people would go for a Turkish buffet?” “It’s just your standard Middle Eastern food, Em. It’s all the rage these days, as you well know,” Max said pointedly, looking at Emmett with unconcealed lust in his eyes, thinking of the Moroccan meal they had shared a few weeks ago. “Oh hush, honey, don’t remind me of that night or I’ll disgrace myself in front of all these people and get down on my knees right here and now!” “I know exactly what you mean,” Max said with a shake of his head. “Seriously Em, I’m glad you liked everything I prepared,” Max said. “Its fun doing events like this, I think I’m really going to enjoy working for ‘Fabulous’. Especially when I can boink my partner in the back room of our office,” he whispered into Em’s ear, giving it a little lick to get his point across. “Oh you are the naughtiest man and you need to stop this minute or I will be worthless,” Emmett said looking at him and actually turning pink. He was so enamored with Max, one word from him and he turned into a quivering mass of emotions. “Speaking of boinking,” Emmett said, “Did you notice those two sluts with Gus and Austin?” “Stop being such a bitch, Em,” Max said, “They’re just teenage prom queens who have to flaunt their beautiful bodies. That’s normal for that age.” “How would you know?” Emmett asked. “I have a sister, that’s how. There was a time in my life when I was surrounded by girls like that, throwing themselves at me non-stop. It was horrible!” “God, I’ll bet. It’s enough to want to make you put up a sign that says, ‘I’m Gay, forget it’!” “Except at that time I was still deep in the closet and I had to act like I was interested.” “Well, that must have been challenging?” Emmett looked at him. “Don’t even go there Em; I never even got close. After a while they got bored with all the rejections and quit coming around.” Emmett turned around and nuzzled Max’s neck. “Their loss and my wonderful gain,” he whispered. “I love you, you do know that, don’t you?” Max smiled his beautiful smile and said, “I think so. You only tell me how much at least six times a day.” “Not often enough, gorgeous,” Emmett replied, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Oh, by the way, we’ve got reservations on Wednesday, at nine- thirty. We’ll be in Chicago around eleven, depending on the air traffic, and my father and mother will be at the airport to pick us up,” Max said. “Okay, I’m ready to do this,” Emmett replied. “Terrified, but ready.” “What are you scared of?” Max asked. “They’ll hate me. They’ll think I’m not good enough. They’ll tell you this is crazy and too soon, just a few little things like that,” Emmett said, looking at Max with eyes that were shiny with tears. “Oh my God! Will you please stop being so insecure? I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone has to say, I know what I want, Em, YOU! You are everything that I consider good and kind and sexy and hard- working and funny and no one in my family would dare say anything to the contrary because the minute they meet you, they will fall in love with you, the way I did.” Max grabbed Emmett’s neck and moved him closer so that he was able to kiss him long and hard, saying with his mouth what the rest of his body wanted to say, except now was not the time or the place. “Okay, you two. These public displays have got to stop. You are becoming positively nauseating in your sweetness, far too lesbionic for my taste,” Brian said in his quietly sarcastic way as he passed by them heading for the bar. “Fuck off Brian,” Emmett replied in the sweetest way, still heady from Max’s kiss. “Yeah Mr. B, leave us alone. I can’t help it if this man makes me want to kiss him in public more often than I should. Besides, we’re still in the honeymoon stage, it’s allowed,” Max said, looking at Emmett affectionately and brushing a stray tear away with his thumb. “You guys are making me sick,” Brian said. “Oh, by the way Max, I like that one guy you sent over the other day. The one from the south side of Chicago, Jerry-something. He’s a little rough around the edges but I was comfortable with him and he’s got some pretty good credentials.” Max thought for a minute, and then said, “Jerry Bither?” He and I apprenticed together at Charlie Trotter’s restaurant and yeah, he’s definitely a South Sider but a nicer guy I never knew and God, can he cook!” “So is being a ‘South Sider’ a bad thing?” Brian asked. “No,” Max said. “Not at all. They’re just a tougher breed, if you can imagine such a thing in Chicago.” “Is he Gay?” Brian asked. “I could barely pick that up.” “He is, but you would never know it. He’s had to create this tough persona from living where he did and being harassed constantly by his peers. I remember him getting into a fight once with this Mexican bus boy who called him a ‘maricon’.” “What’s that, sweetie?” Emmett asked. “It’s queer in Spanish. He threw it out in the most insulting way in front of Charlie Trotter and Jerry was livid. Later that night he waited till the restaurant closed and when the guy came out to leave for the night, he jumped him. They had an awful fight and it took several of us to break them apart. After that no one ever called him ‘maricon’.” “And is he with anyone? I don’t want to go through this flowers and romance bullshit every two years Max. It’s gonna give me heartburn.” “He’s been living with the same guy ever since I’ve known him, I don’t remember his name but he’s also from Chicago, a retail guy. High end clothes if I remember correctly.” “Well, I’ll have Cynthia check on all his references. If everything pans out I’ll probably hire him. He said he can start in two weeks. Will that work out for you, timing wise?” “Sure,” Max said. “The only thing I need to do before that is go home for a few days. I’m bringing Emmett to meet my family and then I’ll be back to stay. We plan on flying out Wednesday and we’ll be back on the weekend. Is that cool with you?” “That’s fine,” Brian said. I’m sure we can manage without you for a few days. There’s always frozen food and take-out,” he said with a smile as he watched Max grimace. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin licked his fingers after finishing one more piece of Baklava. He swore he would only have one, but after taking a bite into the honey- sweet pastry he broke down and had another. He looked around and saw Brian standing close to the bar chatting with Emmett and Max. They seemed to be deep in discussion about something so he decided to take this opportunity to find Gus and Austin who seemed to have magically disappeared from the crowd. He passed by Daphne and whispered that he was looking for the boys and she suggested that he try Alex’s study which was on the other side of the condo. The TV was in that room so it was very likely that the boys had found their way there. He found the door leading to the room, opened it and peered inside. He was greeted by darkness and very loud music coming from the unit on the far wall to his left. He entered the room and as his eyes adjusted to the dark he saw something that he wasn’t expecting. It was a scene right out of the back room at Babylon. Austin was sitting on a big easy chair and Tiffany was on the floor in front of him on her knees with her face in his lap, her head bobbing up and down. Justin turned to his right and he saw Gus standing in the other corner with Tiffany’s friend, Emma, hanging on to him. They were so engrossed in kissing and feeling each other they didn’t even notice that Justin had walked in. Gus’ hands were all over the girl and before things could progress, Justin decided to break it up. “Gus!” he called out. All four players sprang apart like pins in a bowling alley after a direct hit. They stood there looking at Justin in shock. “Daddy J,” Gus stammered, “How long have you been here?” “Long enough,” Justin replied, looking at Gus and shaking his head. “I think it’s time to go,” Justin said. “Tiffany, did you drive here?” “Yes, Mr. Taylor,” she replied, straightening out her skirt and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She wasn’t even fazed by the interruption, Justin thought to himself. Fucking little bitch. “Okay, you and your friend can leave. I’m taking Gus and Austin home. Call me in the morning and we’ll talk,” Justin said, looking at her as if she was some sort of pedophile. “’DJ’ are you going to tell Dad?” Gus asked white-faced. “Right now, we are going to say our goodbyes to Daphne and Alex and get your father and go home. I’ll decide what I’m going to say after that.” “You can’t tell him, ‘D’, he’ll have us on the next plane for sure,” Gus said, holding on to Justin’s arm. Justin looked at Gus and thought better of his defensive stand. It was pointless to get all huffy and alienate the kid. Right now Gus needed someone to talk to and give him advice. Not someone who would throw the book at him and lock him up. “Alright, I won’t say anything, but when we get home, I want to see you in the studio, tonight,” Justin said. “Okay,” Gus said, relieved. TBC