Karma is not punishment or retribution, but simply an extended expression of natural acts. The effects experienced are also able to be mitigated by actions and are not necessarily fateful. That is to say, a particular action now doesn’t bind you to some particular, pre-determined future experience or reaction; it’s not a simple, one-to-one correspondence of reward/punishment.. . Chapter 6 Gus stood in front of his easel, paintbrush still in hand, and stepped back to get a better look at the half-finished painting. “What do you think, ‘Daddy J’, do I need to add more depth?” Gus asked Justin who was on the opposite side of the room working on his own canvas. Justin moved over to where Gus was and took a look. He was really quite pleased with Gus’ progress in art and never failed to tell him so. “You could probably get by the way it is, but I would add some black and ochre over here, just to give it a little more depth,” Justin said, pointing to a spot. “That’s what I thought,” Gus said. “Why don’t you do that later, Gus? Let’s take a break and go for a swim?” “Yeah, I’d like that. My eyes are starting to cross with all these lines; I do need a break,” he said to Justin. They left the studio, which was on the third floor of Britin Manor, and made their way down to the kitchen and then out to the pool house where they could change. On their way through the kitchen Gus asked Max if he would send down some food because he was starving. Max was more than happy to oblige. He loved it when Gus was in town because the food volume was always upped a notch and the world of trans-fat and cholesterol counting came to a screeching halt. Brian and Justin always ate well, but they definitely counted calories and it was a challenge for Max to come up with new and exciting ways to make meals appetizing and appealing, yet healthy enough to satisfy Brian. Justin was easier to please; he pretty much ate whatever you put in front of him. Brian on the other hand, was very picky and discerning in his choices. This made Max’s work that much harder. When Max was done preparing the grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, he placed them on a platter surrounded by dill pickles, celery and carrot sticks with two little cups of dipping sauces. Another plate heaped with homemade French fries accompanied the sandwiches and some chocolate chip brownies drizzled with caramel topped it all off. He made his way down to the pool house where Gus and Justin had already changed and were both in the water doing laps. He placed the food on the round table that was in the middle of the patio area and watched as the two men continued their exercising. Gus finished first and swam over to the edge then pulled himself up and out of the water. He stood by the side of the pool, letting the water drip off him, enjoying the sun beating down on his back. Max couldn’t help but notice what a beautiful young man Gus was; he looked so much like Brian, he could have been his twin. He was now about six-feet two-inches, lean and muscular with a natural grace to his movements that belied his age. There was nothing awkward about him, no acne to mar his skin. He looked at Max and the food and broke into a huge smile which lit up his face, changing his look entirely. Now you could see more of Gus and less of Brian. The hazel eyes with their specks of dark blue sparkled with the expectancy of youth, a true mirror of his feelings. Eventually, he would learn to disguise his thoughts and hide behind the mask most adults wore. “Food! Max you are awesome…what did you make?” “Lots of stuff, Gus, come check it out,” Max replied. Justin had finished his laps and made his way to the side of the pool and out of the water. He grabbed the towel that he had left by one of the chairs and started to dry off. Walking over to the table he picked up a sandwich and took a bite. “God Max, this is so good! I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I saw the platter,” Justin said with his mouth full. “You haven’t been eating much lately,” Max said, “I’m glad you’re hungry.” That statement made Justin think about the reason why he hadn’t been eating much. He hadn’t heard from Daphne since they had their talk in his studio almost two weeks ago. For years they had talked on a weekly basis, so not speaking to her for this long was in and of itself weird. He was still upset over that entire conversation and he was pretty sure she was still smarting from the way he had spoken to her. He had not even recounted the whole scene to Brian because he knew that Brian would have gone ballistic and picked up the phone to give Daphne a piece of his mind. She didn’t need that on top of everything else she was dealing with. But for God’s sake, what the fuck was she thinking, he asked himself again for the hundredth time. How did she even come up with that idea? Sure, he had been willing to sleep with her when he was seventeen, but at that age he would have “gotten hard rubbing up against a tree”, to quote his darling partner. This was 2015 for Christ’s sake, he was thirty-three years old and he sure as fuck was not remotely attracted to or interested in having sex with a female, much less with Daphne who was like his sister, almost! The thought alone made him shudder. Then there was the problem of the eventual outcome of the sexual experiment. He refused to even think about that. There was no way in hell he would let someone else raise his child; it was out of the question. As far as he was concerned, there was no negotiating on that point. Yet he kept thinking about Daphne and worrying. The look in her eyes was so haunted, she seemed so desperate. It was a horrible feeling to know she was in so much pain and he couldn’t help her. For years she had always been his support system, the shoulder he had cried on, the one person he knew he could count on to always be there for him, no matter what stupid thing he did. She had rescued him from himself so often he couldn’t remember all the incidents; he just remembered her always being there for him. And here he was turning her down, refusing to help her at this critical juncture in her life. It was literally making him sick. He had lost all interest in eating, sleeping, and, God forbid, even sex was not quite as appealing as it normally was. He was surprised that Brian had stopped mentioning his lack of appetite. Brian always noticed everything, especially when things with him were out of whack. Brian had been patient with him and his lack of interest in bed, working doubly hard to try and satisfy him. He had asked him if he was preoccupied with something at work, stressing over an art project that wasn’t going well. Justin didn’t have the heart to tell Brian that it had nothing to do with his art. It definitely had nothing to do with Brian’s body or his technique. Brian would have turned him on even if he was half-dead. That wasn’t the problem. What he was feeling was guilty. Guilty because he was happy, because he was fulfilled, because his life was everything he wanted and yet his closest and dearest friend was miserable. He felt guilty because he was refusing to help her. He had read somewhere once that guilt was a useless emotion. It served no purpose whatsoever, but here he was, drowning in a guilt trip so huge, that had a grip on him so tight, he was choking. He kept going over the conversation he and Daphne had at his studio. He kept seeing her eyes, brimming with tears, looking haunted and broken. This was not the Daphne he knew. His Daphne was a fighter, someone who always looked at the bright side and always found a solution to whatever problem came her way. Yet, no matter which way he looked at it, he couldn’t seem to find a solution. And then there was the other issue which he finally acknowledged to himself the other night as he lay in bed wide awake. Deep down inside, buried somewhere deep in his subconscious, was the desire to have his own biological child. He had never really given it serious thought before because he didn’t think he would ever be given the opportunity. Daphne’s whole scheme brought this desire to a forefront and now he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of actually having his own child. He loved Gus with all his heart. He was his son in every way except by blood, so these feelings that he was having now, the wanting to have his own child, were making him feel doubly guilty. As if he was betraying not only Brian and Daphne, but Gus as well. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At Kinnetik Brian hung up after listening to Justin’s phone go to voice mail. He knew he and Gus were home today, but no one seemed to be near a fucking phone which was really pissing him off. Even Max wasn’t picking up! He knew that he was over-reacting, but he hated not knowing where Justin was and he hated not knowing what was bothering him. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was troubling Justin but, for the first time in many years, it seemed as if Justin was keeping something secret from him. Justin hadn’t been himself ever since they got back from Miami. On the surface everything appeared the same, except it wasn’t. It all started that day he came back from having breakfast with Daphne. He would catch Justin sitting and staring out into space, not paying attention to anything he was saying. He was distracted and seemed listless and bored. He had barely gone into his studio, let alone picked up a paint brush. The only thing that brought any kind of reaction was when Gus arrived for his vacation with them. That seemed to jump start Justin a little bit, he seemed a bit more interested, especially in the art department. The boredom and listlessness was being carried into their bedroom, a definite sign that things were not right. Sex had always been so good between them, it was hard not to notice when it wasn’t. All the right moves were there, the body parts all still worked, yet Brian could tell the spark was dimmed and he didn’t like it one damn bit! He was determined to find out what the fuck was on his partner’s mind and since he could get nothing out of him he decided to call Daphne and see if she had a clue as to what his problem was. Surprisingly, Daphne picked up the phone when he called. Brian had expected her secretary or a machine, so he was a little tongue tied when he heard her voice. “Hey, Daphne, it’s Brian. I’m surprised you answered the phone.” “Oh! Hi Brian,” she said warmly, “You caught me in between patients. What’s up?” “Nothing important, I just wondered if you had heard from Justin lately?” Daphne was silent on the other end. “Daphne, are you there?” “Yes, I’m here, and no, I have not heard from Justin,” she replied, her voice changing suddenly, becoming colder and distant. What the fuck? “When was the last time you talked to him?” Brian asked out loud. “It’s been a while,” she replied. “Is it since that day you guys had lunch?” Brian asked. “Yes,” she answered curtly. Something is definitely wrong here. “So, I don’t suppose you know why he’s been so distracted? Is there something bothering him I should know about?” “You’ll have to ask him Brian, I don’t have an answer for you,” she said, again in her most professional voice. “How are you doing?” he asked, changing his direction of questioning, hoping it would thaw her out some. “Fine,” she replied. Fuck! “Well, I guess I’ll let you go then. Don’t want to interrupt your busy schedule,” he said, waiting for her to contradict him. “Thank you,” she said, hanging up. What the hell was that all about? Now Brian was seriously worried. Daphne was acting more nervous than a whore in church and all his radars were telling him this had to do with Justin. He picked up the phone and called her back. Again, she answered on the first ring. “Daphne, what the fuck is going on here?” Brian asked. “Nothing, Brian. You need to stop calling me. Ask Justin what’s going on with him, I don’t know.” “That is bullshit of the first order and you know it!” Brian barked out. “You know everything about him, just as he knows everything about you. So, why don’t we cut to the chase and get it all out in the open because I’m tired of playing games and if you don’t tell me what’s going on I’ll come to your office and sit on your sofa until you do!” Daphne leaned her head back on her chair and closed her eyes. She had been expecting a call, but never from Brian. She had hoped that Justin would call her eventually, after he had time to process everything they had talked about. Now she had to deal with Brian and tell him what happened between her and Justin. She knew that if she didn’t he would make serious on his threat and come over and sit in front of her until she did. Getting on Brian’s bad side was not something one did voluntarily. She ran her fingers through her hair trying to decide what to do. “I’d like to tell you Brian,” she said finally, “I just can’t. I’m not ready to talk about this with anyone right now. Please, respect my wishes and leave me alone,” her voice breaking at the end of her sentence. “Daphne,” Brian spoke, more gently this time. “Please…I’m really worried about him. You’ve got to tell me; I know you are involved somehow.” “I suppose I am,” she said softly. “However, this has more to do with me than him, Brian. Justin is just reacting to my problems.” “Wouldn’t you feel better if you talked to someone about it?” he asked. “I already have; to Justin. And no, I don’t feel better Brian, I feel worse if you want to know the truth.” “Look, there is no problem so big that can’t be fixed if we set our minds to it,” he told her. “I would like to try and help you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you. Does this have something to do with the pregnancy and Alex’s problem?” he asked. “Yes,” she said. “I already know about that. Justin told me as soon as you told him…so there are no secrets, okay?” he said gently, trying to calm her and get her to open up. “It’s what I asked him to do after our initial conversation that has him upset, Brian. He hasn’t told you about that, has he?” she asked. “No,” Brian answered. He sat up straight, relieved that he was finally getting somewhere. Daphne thought about it and broke down, deciding to tell all. She figured she had nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain. If she could convince Brian that her idea was a good one, than maybe he could convince Justin. She took a deep breath and started to talk. She talked for several minutes without Brian interrupting her once. He sat and listened to her story. When she got to the part where she had asked Justin to have sex with her he went rigid, gripping the phone so hard his hand hurt. He was in shock! He couldn’t believe he was hearing any of this. It was like a fucking soap opera, with himself and Justin as the lead actors! He didn’t like that at all! “Brian, are you there?” she asked. “Yes,” he replied. Now it was his turn to be cold and distant. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asked. “Daphne, honestly I’m in shock right now…I don’t know what to say. I have to think about this and get back to you. I just know one thing.” “What is it, Brian?” “You will not sleep with Justin. Not now, or anytime in the future,” he said, with such anger in his voice Daphne could feel it radiating over the phone line. “I see,” she said as the tears started rolling down her cheeks. Brian disconnected. He looked at the phone in his hand and angrily flung it against the door, smashing it into a million pieces. TBC