Change of Heart Chapter 5: Do You Regret It? Justin The fact that I opened up to him again scares the crap out of me and he is just staring at me. God, I fucking made a mistake I knew I shouldn’t have done this. I need to know why he deserted me two years ago and I think I need to sort out my feelings for him. I look at him and I see so much pain in his eyes. The one thing I do not need is his pity; I get that from everybody else…. Brian He has just told me why he is alone but how can I add to that pain and tell him that I made a choice that I do honestly believe was the best at the time and now I'm just not sure. Was it wroth cutting Justin out of my life?   "Brian, say something Please!" "I’m sorry." "Thank you but I don’t your pity, I deal with that everyday and I was hoping not from you." "I have no pity for you it's just that I am sorry because I liked you mom and Molly, she had balls." Brian laughs. Justin laughs also as he thinks of his sister and her special way of always speaking her mind. "Your right, she did." "So now, why I am alone?" "What happened to you two years ago?" "Justin, it’s…um…" Brian lets out a long breath. As Justin takes his hand and looks at him with reassurance. "Just be honest okay… that’s I want."   Brian Okay here goes nothing. How do you explain to the one person I once loved, no still love that you gave him up for your own career and not sound like the biggest prick on the planet? "Justin, firstly let me explain that this wasn’t an easy choice but I had to do it". "Okay Brian, I understand that but what choice?" "You came over to my mom’s house, made love to me, I tell you I love you, you ask me to wait for you, I say yes and then you leave." "Explain to me why?" "After Dr. Zippo caught us in my office and you left I had a meeting with him and he gave me two choices…" Brian lets out another breath. "What Brian, it can’t be that bad?" Justin looks at Brian with a sympathetic face. "Actually, yes it can and it was." "Well, what were they?" Justin is starting to get very concerned. Brian How do I tell him that I chose my career over him? That I chose something I knew was for certain over something that scared the hell out of me? "Brian, it’s okay please tell me!" "Okay, my two choices were to give you and us up and continue to graduate on time or…" "What the fuck?" "Let me finish…, or drop out and redo everything…5 years down the drain, I didn’t know what to do." "So, you…chose…" Justin looks at Brian feeling betrayed. "Justin, I didn’t have choice." Justin responds with tears in his eyes. "Yes you did, you did have a choice, not only did you not talk to me bout this, you chos…" Before Justin got to finish he started to walk backwards towards the couch as he felt dizzy and as he goes to lay down he misses the couch and collapses on the floor… "JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "NO, no, no, no, no, please be okay… you can’t leave me, I can't loose you again." Brian runs to Justin’s side and holds him in his lap as he calls 911 he looks down at this beautiful man and realizes that he made the wrong choice. He gave up the one good thing in his life for a career and for money. They ride inside the ambulance in silence; the only sound is that of sirens, heart monitors and oxygen keeping him alive. Brian is in shock he had no idea what do so he just went with the flow of things. He really didn’t have time to process and before he could even think he was in the emergencany room with Justin doing an EKG and Pace maker check to see what the problem was. As Brian went over the test Justin was moved into a private room to wait for the Doctor. Then Justin's door swung open, "Justin, OMG are you okay? "Umm… what? "Justin, it’s me Daphne, you're in the hospital." "Shut up Daph, I know who you are, and where I am. I just don’t know how I got here." "I can answer that." Brian responds as he walks into the room. "Okay tell me!" "Hey Brian." "Hi Daphne." Brian glances at Daphne and then focuses on Justin. "You're going to need surgery sooner than we thought." "How soon?" "By the end of the week, it’s failing faster than we thought it would. I’m sorry." "Sorry is bullshit." "Okay that's fair enough, just let me know when you want to do this; I guess I should leave you two alone." "Good." Brian turns around and walks out of Justin’s room and then Daphne slaps Justin in the head. "What the fuck is up with that?" "You wouldn’t understand." "Try me, you hurt his feelings." "I hurt him, what about how he hurt me?" "What are you talking about? Justin, tell me." "It doesn’t matter Daph, it’s over… As tears fall down Justin's face. Daphne climbs into bed and holds Justin as he cries and can’t help but wonder how is it over before it even started. After he cried himself to sleep Daphne left Justin’s room to go look for a certain Cardiologist. ~Nurse Station~ "Hello, how can I help you?" "Yes, I need to speak to Dr. Kinney about Justin Taylor." "Hold on while I page him… you can go wait over there ma’am." "Thank you." "You paged me?" "Yes, there is a young lady in the waiting room that would like to talk to you about Justin Taylor." "Thank you." Oh, god, Daphne is going to hit me. "Daphne, you wanted to talk me." "Yeah, I did, can we talk somewhere in private please." "Sure, follow me." Brian leads her to the roof of the hospital. "Okay talk." "What did you tell Justin?" "The truth, why what did he say?" "Nothing, just that it’s over? But I don’t get how it can be over if it never really started?" "I made a choice two years ago and now I realize it was the wrong one but I don’t want it to be over." "What choice?" "After we got caught Dr. Zippo gave me two choices to give up Justin and finish school or I could still see Justin but I would have to give up everything I've worked my ass for in the last 5 years". "That was your choices... you didn’t have a choice." "Your right, I should have chose Justin" "No, then you would have been an idiot." "What…what are you talking about?" Daphne rolls her eyes at Brian. "Brian, you made the right choice, you didn’t really know Justin, yeah you should have been more honest then but I understand why you choose your career." "Aren’t you supposed to be on Justin's side?" "Your right I am and I would be if he wasn’t the one being a completely jerk about this." "I’m so confused." Daphne laughs at Brian. "Okay tell you this, I will talk to Justin but if you fuck this up I will castrate you both, I swear." Brian: "Thanks Daphne, you're not a bad friend." Brian pulls Daphne into a hug. "You're not a bad guy so don’t make me regret this." "I won't, I promise." Brian smirks.