When Justin got to the street, he pulled out his cell phone and started to make a call, but stopped, and flipped the phone closed. He needed to think this through. 

Should he go to his mom’s condo? No, probably not. He needed to think things through first. And, to be honest with himself, he wouldn’t be able to do that with his mom. She would want to immediately talk things out. While she meant well, it wasn’t what he needed. He just wasn’t ready for that. 

He could, he thought, go to Daphne’s again, but that wasn’t fair to her in so many ways. It wasn’t fair to keep running to Daphne. Hell, one could argue that he used Daphne as a crutch as much as Brian. So, no, he was not going to Daphne’s. 

He could go to Emmett’s, but that would mean the whole gang would be involved in less time than it took to go from 0-60mph in a Porsche. And while Emmett would mean well, he would also smother Justin. No, he couldn’t go to Emmett’s, either. 

That really left only one place. And thank goodness that this place would give him time to think. Granted, there would be some derogatory things said about Brian, but it wouldn’t be anything different than what he’d probably already be thinking- so, Deb’s it was. He flipped his phone open and made the call. 

“Huh? Hello?” a sleep garbled voice said. 

“Deb?” Justin asked. 

He could hear a bed squeaking in the background. “Sunshine, is that you?” the more awake voice asked. 

“Yeah, it’s me. Would you mind if I spent a few days in Michael’s old room?” 

“Oh, Sunshine, of course you can. I’ll have fresh sheets waiting on you. Do you need Carl to come get you?” He could now hear Carl stirring in the background, asking if everything was ok. 

“No, Deb, that’s fine. I’ll take a cab. It’ll be ten to fifteen minutes.” Justin assured her.

“Ok, I’ll have the lights on for you.” Deb said. 

“Thanks, Debbie.” Justin hoped he didn’t sound too relieved. 

“No problem, Sunshine,” she said before hanging up. 

He pushed the ‘end’ button on his phone and hit speed dial seven. The cab dispatcher answered and said that a cab would be there in about five minutes. Justin thanked the man and hung up. Pulling his satchel a little higher on his shoulder, walked over to a section of the wall away from the main entrance to the building, and leaned on the bricks. 

Seven minutes or so later, a taxi pulled up. Justin pushed away from the wall and got into the four door sedan. He gave the man the address to Debbie’s home and leaned his head back on the seat. He tried not to think about the emotions running through his body. He needed to get to Debbie’s first before he lost it. Instead, he lifted his head and looked around, focusing on a tear in the car’s passenger seat and pondered how it got there. 

True as her word, Debbie had every outside light on her house on. When he stepped out of the taxi, her front door opened. He paid the man, thanked him, and shut the door. He hurried up the steps and gave Debbie a sad smile. 

“Come on in, Sunshine. You look like you need a good night’s sleep. Are you feeling ok?” she asked, concern lacing every word. 

“Yeah, I’ve just got a slight headache. I haven’t been sick in over twelve hours.” 

“Well, that’s good,” she said giving him a small smile and patting his left cheek. “Let’s keep it that way. You want a mug of something before you head up to bed?” 

Justin shook his head negatively. “No, I think I just need to get some sleep.” 

Debbie nodded and followed him up the stairs. When he got to the room, he turned to her. “Debbie, I really appreciate this.” 

“No problem, Sunshine.” 

He opened the door, walked in and was about to shut it when she said one more thing, “And we will be talking first thing in the morning.” 

Justin chuckled and assured her that they would indeed talk in the morning. 

The early morning came way too quickly for Justin. He wasn’t sure that he got more than a few ten to twenty minute naps a long the way. He had spent the night tossing and turning, and, more importantly, thinking. 

He was just about 100% sure that Brian would think that he left because of the trick, but that wasn’t it at all. He had meant what he said after the faux pas with Ethan the year or so before. He knew what to expect from Brian. Hadn’t he, after all, just told Emmett that very afternoon that they would never be monogamous? He had accepted that a long time ago. He knew that it wasn’t about him and the way Brian felt about him. It was about Brian. So, he had accepted the tricking. 

No, this wasn’t about the tricking. This was about Brian punishing him for something that Lindsay had done. Damn it, why would she go there? Why would she talk on and on about Brian being so loving? If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was pushing Brian into acting out, but that didn’t seem likely. No, the likely thing is that for some reason the people in Brian’s little fucked up family (his family, too, if he was completely honest) wouldn’t allow Brian to change- to grow up. They wanted him, for some reason, to stay the selfish asshole. He didn’t understand. What did Lindsay, Michael, or anyone else gain from making sure that Brian stayed so…so…asshole-y. Honestly? Was it just because then their world was right? If Brian wasn’t an asshole, then everything else in their world must be different, too? Seriously, he just didn’t get it, and maybe he never would. 

But that just brought him back to the real problem. Why was he always the one being punished? Why did Brian choose over and over to annihilate him for all of this? Was it possible that he had been wrong all these years? Maybe it wasn’t that Brian didn’t think he could be loved, but that Brian didn’t want to be loved. 

Maybe he just didn’t want the responsibility? But that didn’t make sense, either. Brian had never backed down from responsibilities. He took care of Gus, no matter what kind of bitch Melanie was being at the time. Hell, as much as Brian disliked Melanie, he had made sure that Lindsay and Mel’s wedding took place. He took care of his company and all the people therein. No, it wasn’t about responsibility. Then what the hell was it? Why? Why? Why was he punished for the comments of others? 

Justin knew he needed a break from his thoughts. He could feel his stomach turning in distress, a wave of nausea making him question his being up so late and getting so little sleep. He got up and reached into his backpack, grabbing the anti-nauseate he’d taken off the nightstand in the bedroom at the loft. He went into the hall bath, grabbed a paper cup from the collection that Debbie kept beneath the sink, and took the medicine. 

“You okay, Justin,” a male voice asked from the other side of the door. Apparently, he had woken Carl. Great, he thought. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks, Carl,” he assured the man. 

“Ok,” Carl responded, “Deb wanted me to tell you that if you need anything to just knock on our door.” 

“Thanks! I’m sorry that I woke you,” Justin replied as he slightly cracked the door to the bathroom. 

“No problem. Remember to just knock if you need us. Deb’s getting ready for her shift at the diner, and I’ll be heading to the station in about an hour.” Carl nodded to him and walked back down the hall to Debbie’s room.

“Thanks,” Justin quietly repeated as he shut the door. Grabbing a hand towel from the linen closet, he turned on the warm water, wet the hand towel, and washed his face. Looking into the mirror, he saw the sorrow in his own eyes. This was not going to be easy. 

Tip-toeing down the hall, he went back into his room and crawled under the covers. He wanted to try to get a bit more sleep, but his stomach was having none of that. He sprinted from the bed to grab, just in time, the metal Captain Astro trashcan in the room. Heaving violently, he emptied what little he had in his stomach. He dropped to his knees, placed the can back on the ground, and held his head in his hands. He could hear someone running up the stairs. 

“Sunshine,” Debbie yelled as she knocked loudly on the door. “Let me in!” 

“It’s open,” he moaned out. She threw the door open and stepped inside. She took one look at him and walked out of the room. Down the hall, he could hear water running. Moments later, Debbie returned with a wet wash cloth, which she immediately placed on the back of his neck. Justin thought it felt wonderful. 

“Mmmm, thanks, Deb, that feels a lot better,” he told her. As she nodded and gave him a smile, Carl walked up to the doorway. 

“Anything I can help with?” Carl inquired. 

“Would you be a dear,” Deb said, “And heat up a small mug of chicken broth for him.” 

“Sure,” he said as he walked away. 

“We’ll get something in that tummy and try to settle it.” 

“You know, no matter how many times I hear that from people, I’m still not convinced that it really works. I mean, come on, I keep puking my guts out.” 

Debbie laughed, patted his cheek, and said, “Sure it does. I know because I’m a mom.” 

Carl brought a mug of chicken broth up a few minutes later and Justin took a few sips. The crisis of the moment seemed to be over. He assured Debbie and Carl that he was fine and insisted that they both head to work. He also promised that he’d call Emmett to come over. Debbie asked him to have Emmett bring him by the diner for lunch, but Justin said it would depend on how he felt. 

Once he heard the front door close behind them, he picked up his phone and called Emmett. 

“Emmett?” Justin said when the phone was answered.

“Hey, baby, I’m almost there.” 

“Yeah, about that, Em, I’m not at Brian’s.” There was a long, pregnant pause. 

“Ok. Where are you?” Emmett suspiciously asked. 

“I’m at Deb’s. You can come on in when you get here. That is, if you don’t mind coming here instead.

“Nope, no problem,” Emmett responded. “Although, it’ll be another ten minutes until I can get there because of traffic.” Emmett warned him. 

“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” Justin joked, “See you soon.” 

“Bye, baby,” Emmett said as he ended the call. 

True to his word, Emmett arrived about ten minutes later. Justin heard the door open downstairs and decided to try to get downstairs. 

Emmett looked up at him as he came down the stairs. “Looks like you’ve been sick already this morning. Need help with anything?” 

“No, Deb and Carl helped me through it. I’m actually feeling a bit better.” 

“Good.” 

“Debbie did, however, want me to ask you to bring me by the diner for lunch, if I feel up to it.” 

“Sounds like a plan to me. We can finish up those designs and head on over.” 

They walked over to the kitchen table and Emmett pulled out the papers that he and Justin had been working on the day before. They were just about finished with the design they thought would most interest the client when Emmett turned to him and said, “Are you going to tell me why you are here and not at Brian’s?” 

Justin paused in his final touch ups and looked at Emmett. “Yeah, but not right now, I need to figure this out for myself first, ok?” 

Emmett nodded and continued his work. Justin took a moment and grabbed Emmett’s hand, “You’re a great friend, Emmett.” Emmett smiled and they finished their design. They never made it to the diner that afternoon. 

Justin woke from his nap to hear Emmett speaking harshly to someone and then abruptly ending the call. He realized, a little slowly, that it was his phone Emmett was using. 

“Who was that?” Justin asked as he sat up on the couch. 

Emmett whirled around and gave Justin a slight smile. “Nice nap?” 

“Mmm-hmmm,” Justin responded in the affirmative, “But you didn’t answer my question.” 

Emmett nodded, “It was Brian.” 

“Ah,” Justin nodded. 

“He wanted to know why I was answering your phone.” Emmett told Justin. 

“What did you tell him?” 

“I responded with another question.” 

“And what question was that?” 

“I asked him why you weren’t at the loft.” 

“Good one.” 

“He wants you to call him.” 

“Yes, well, sometimes we don’t get what we want, do we?” Justin sagaciously responded. 

“No, unfortunately, we don’t, baby.” Emmett echoed. 

Four days later, Justin still had not returned any of Brian’s calls. In fact, he had taken to just leaving his cell phone off and having Emmett or anyone else call him directly at Debbie’s.

Jennifer had found out when Justin called to ask her about meeting him for dinner at Debbie’s one night. To Jennifer’s credit, she took it all in stride and didn’t ask one single question about Brian over the phone or during dinner. He did see Debbie and his mom privately talking between dinner and dessert, but they never brought anything up in front of him. 

Daphne found out when Justin called her about his next radiation treatment. She and Emmett took him and, apparently, Emmett had filled her in on the rudimentary details while they were driving to pick Justin up. She just gave him a hug, a smile, spent the next day keeping him company while Debbie and Carl were at work, and helping him through the nausea and diarrhea. 

He and Emmett finally talked about things the day before his radiation treatment. It made Justin smile to think about how pissed off Emmett was on his behalf, but Justin made him swear not to say anything to Brian about it. In the end, this was between him and Brian. Emmett assured him that he could be trusted. 

Ted knew because supposedly Brian was being a total prick at work, at least this was what Emmett told him. Emmett laughed when he told Justin that Ted had been fired twenty-nine times in three days. He said Cynthia was at an all time record of forty. 

Lindsay and Melanie tried to talk about it during the weekly dinner that Brian, of course, didn’t show up for, but Gus had gotten sick and they had to leave early. Justin was truly relieved when they left. He still wasn’t sure what to think of Lindsay’s conversation that fateful day. 

Debbie had been a God send. She and Carl had been there for Justin. They had taken care of him when he was sick, let him talk when he needed to talk, and, overall, just been fabulous about everything. Justin was glad that he had decided to stay with Debbie. 

Justin had also been relieved that Michael hadn’t been around. He knew there was no way he could currently handle Michael’s worshipping of Brian. Furthermore, he was pretty sure that Michael had dropped by one night after Justin had already gone to bed, but he didn’t see him. And while Debbie never said anything, he was also pretty sure that she and Michael had fought because he was there. 

As for Justin, he was sure that things were never going to be the same. For the first time, he truly believed that Brian didn’t want his love. How else could he explain Brian’s actions that night? Justin had done nothing wrong. And when you take into account the fact that Justin had been sick from the radiation treatments, well, the evidence was overwhelming. What also stood out in Justin’s thoughts was the lack of Brian period. Sure, he had called and left several messages on Justin’s cell phone, but he had to know where Justin was (Michael would have made sure of that). If he wanted to talk, he could have just shown up, but he hadn’t. And Justin assured himself that solidified everything: Brian didn’t want his love. 

It was as he was finishing his silent, mental diatribe and his shower, that Justin heard the phone ring downstairs. A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door. 

“Justin,” Carl’s voice said through the door, “Brian would like to speak with you.” 

Justin stopped for a moment, wrapped the towel around him, opened the door, and thanked Carl. He then walked down the stairs, picked up the phone and said, “I have nothing to say to you,” before hanging up the phone. 

Carl chuckled as he sat down on the sofa by Debbie. Debbie looked over the back of the couch and said, “You’re going to have to face him sometime, Sunshine.” 

“Yeah, but tonight is not that night.” Justin assured her. 

“Are you still feeling ok? It seems like you’ve had a pretty good day. Emmett said you only got sick once while he was here this morning.” Debbie said. 

“Yeah, I’ve felt so good today that Emmett and Daphne are going to take me to the diner tonight. They think it’ll do me some good to get out.” 

“I think that’s a great idea, Justin,” Carl said while Debbie nodded her agreement. Justin smiled and headed back upstairs to get ready. 

Fifteen minutes later, he was in the passenger seat of Daphne’s car listening to Emmett tell them all about his new client. Daphne parked as close as she could to the diner. They went inside and sat down. Kiki waved at them as they sat down. She gave a table their order and headed over.

“Justin,” she said, “How are you feeling? Debbie says you’ve been under the weather!” 

“I’m feeling better, Kiki, thanks,” he said with a smile. 

“Good,” she said, “What can I get you tonight?” 

Emmett spoke up first, “I want the meatloaf plate with green beans instead of peas. I’d like iced tea to drink and a piece of apple pie for dessert.” 

“Mmmm,” Daphne chimed in, “I definitely want some apple pie. And I’ll take a Coke and a grilled cheese.” 

“You want fries with the cheese sandwich?” Kiki asked. 

“No thanks,” Daphne responded. 

“Justin?” Kiki asked. 

“I’ll have a grilled cheese, no fries, and a ginger ale.” Justin replied. 

“Want any dessert?” Kiki inquired as she wrote down the rest of his order. 

“Nope, I think that’s it. Thanks!” 

“All right, it’ll be out in a few. You take care, Justin, ok?” Kiki said as she walked away to give the cook their order. 

“So, Emmett,” Justin asked a few minutes later, “Have you heard back from the client that we made the design for?” 

“Oooh! I forgot to tell you! Yes, I did. The President of the company called a few days ago and said that it was the most unique design they had ever seen. They accepted the contract AND they would like to meet with the artist in question! How fabulous is that?” Emmett said as he clapped his hands excitedly together. “So, I hope you don’t mind, but I gave them your name and number.” 

“Did you give them my cell phone number?” Justin inquired with a concerned look on his face. 

“Yes, baby, I did. Is something wrong?” 

“Well, I really haven’t been checking my cell phone. Brian was calling that number and I just turned it off.” 

“Do you have it with you?” Daphne asked. 

“Yep,” Justin assured her. 

“Then, turn it on and check it now! I want to know what this guy has to say!” 

Justin pulled the cell phone out of his satchel and turned it on. A few seconds later, it chimed on and stated that he had seven new voicemails. Rather than listening to them all, Justin selected ‘Call History’ on his main menu and saw that six of the calls were from Brian, but that an unlisted number had called the day before around 3pm. 

“I have an unlisted call from yesterday at 3pm. Let me check my voicemail,” Justin told them with excitement in his voice. 

There were six messages from Brian that he quickly deleted without listening to; the last message, however, was from a Mr. Greg Jones, CEO of Landmark Realty. Justin listened as the man said that he’d been impressed with the art work on the catering contract and was wondering if Justin would like to do some freelance work on a few of their projects. And to please call him back as soon as possible, if he has any interest. 

Justin’s face melted into that famous sunshine smile. “Well,” Daphne said, “I guess you liked what you heard, eh?”

“He wants me to consider some freelance work on a few projects they are currently working on!” Justin said excitedly. 

“That’s wonderful, baby,” Emmett exclaimed, “Just what you need!” 

Kiki, just as Emmett finished talking, walked over with their dinners. “Meatloaf special, grilled cheese no fries, and grilled cheese no fries. Need anything else? Ketchup? Mustard? Condom?” 

Daphne laughed. “No, I think we’re good, Kiki, thanks!” She then took a huge bite of her grilled cheese sandwich.

“Great! I’ll bring the two pieces of apple pie in a minute.” 

Nothing more was said as all parties were devouring their dinners, even Justin was eating with gusto. A few minutes later, Kiki brought the two pieces of pie and Emmet and Daphne devoured them, too. 

Just as Daphne was eating her last bite of pie, Justin felt a wave of nausea grab him. 

“I’ll be right back.” Justin stood and hurried to the restroom. He felt horrid and the heaving started a few seconds after he got to the toilet. He quickly emptied his stomach, but it didn’t help; he still felt awful. He cleaned himself up and went back to Daphne and Emmett. 

As he got back to the table, he noticed Brian talking with Emmett and Daphne. It looked to be a fairly heated discussion. 

“Look,” Brian said, “Will you just tell him that I want to talk to him?” 

Justin opened his mouth to give a scathing response, but before he could, he felt a wave of nausea hit him hard. Then, a sea of blackness began encroaching on his vision. He felt weird. The last thing he heard as he dropped to the floor were several voices crying, “Justin!”