Thanks to my beta Ponga you're the best.Also thanks to the plot bunny Shiri. This is the first fic I have written alone so please all feedback is welcome.
As I wake up from my late night, drugged induced night I try not to remember what happened. But its not letting me forget. Justin, walking out of Babylon with that fucking fiddler Ian. The look in Justin’s eyes told me he was hurting. Why the fuck did I do it. Why did I let him walk out. Then after he left with his new whatever the fuck he is to him I couldn’t stop drinking. It’s the first time in my life I ever watch someone I lo…liked and cared about walk away from me. That was a month ago. I need a drink. And something to fucking eat. I go to the dinner and meet with the boys and of course they are all worried bout me. The past month I haven’t acted like Brian Fucking Kinney. Deb comes over to me and sits down. "Hey kiddo. You doing O.K." Deb asks me. "I'm peachy mother hen" I say back...just then this black hyper girl comes running in and comes over to me and slaps me. "Fuck Daphne what the hell” I ask her rubbing my face. "I fucking told you Brian if you hurt him I would hurt you. How could you do this? Every day I am watching Justin slip farther away from life. DO you know what its like to hear your best friend cry and knowing the reason is YOU?" She screams at me. "Daphne what the fuck are you talking about. If Sun…Justin isn’t happy with the fiddler then that’s his fault" I say quietly. "No its YOU'RE fault Justin is unhappy. He isn’t with Ethan you asshole. He’s been living with me for the past month. Moping around. Oh he goes out and drinks and goes to school .He has tricks but you know what Brian, They ALL fucking look somewhat like you and if they don’t Justin drinks til they do." “Daphne, what does this have to do with me?" I ask her starting to get tired of this already. "It has everything to do with you. You fucking love him Brian .We all fucking know it .Stop acting like this and make yourself and Justin happy." Daphne said to me with concern. "You mean go chasing after him? Daphne that’s not my way" I remind her. "Yea but neither is giving up your way" Daphne says to me before continuing to say "You may not chase after what you want but you don’t give up on it either. Brian you are both miserable now fucking do something about this before something goes more wrong" and with that she leaves. Deb just smiles at me and says "I knew I liked her" "Brian why did you let her talk to you like that?" asks Mikey "She’s aloud to speak her mind" I say walking out...knowing Daphne was right I may not chase after a trick, but Justin has never been a trick. Plus, I don’t give up. Justin didn’t leave with IAN...he went to Daphne's apartment. I find myself outside PIFA waiting for Justin. "Justin." I say to him as he walks by. "Brian? What the fuck are you doing here" he’s looking around like he is trying to find someone. "I want to talk to you Justin. I had a visitor this morning. A little black hellion came to see me and set some things straight. Can we talk?" I ask him He looks at me and just nods his head .I open the door for him and he gets in. We go back to the loft .I cant take my eyes off him .He looks so fucking tired. "Justin, As you know I don’t go chasing tricks but I also don’t give up on important things. And YOU have NEVER been a trick .I want to say sorry" He cuts me off... "Sorry is bullshit" And I tell him "No its not, not if you mean it. Justin. Look, I shouldn’t have done some of those things, Okay none of them but fuck you fucking scare me Justin." I say before I can take it back. “I scare you Brian? Well now you don’t have to worry" he saids turning towards the door. I grab his arm "No Justin I don’t mean it like that. Justin Please, don’t make me beg .I am a fucking mess and so are you" "Gee thanks Bri" He saids with a look of hurt. I grab him and kiss him .See Our kisses were never the same. We know what the other is trying to say without words. "Justin." I breathed against his neck Justin smiles I can feel his neck move. "Brian if you want me you have to show me .I can’t just run back with all the fears I have of getting hurt. I know you have them to. Brian lets take this slow OK." He saids to me. "Okay.' I say back and he kisses me and smiles and saids "I have to get to work" "OK.SO tonight?” I ask him. "Ya tonight is good Brian but you have to prove to me its real this time" and I smile. Already knowing what I'm going to do. JUSTIN’S POV I go to the diner to work when Deb pulls me into her. "Sunshine I'm so glad to see you back" She saids with a smile "Thanks Deb” I go around with a smile on my face most the day. "OK Sunshine spill it. Why so happy.?." Deb asks as we are clearing the table. "I have a date" I say happily. Deb looks at me like I grew two heads. "A date. With who?" she asks but before I can say anything the bell over the door rings and I hear "With me. Who else?" I look over and see Brian standing there with fucking flowers. "You bout ready Sunshine?" he asks as he kisses me and hands me the most beautiful flowers. "For you gorgeous. But they aren’t as gorgeous as you" he whispers into my ear. "Umm Thanks Bri, give me a minute” I say to him. Still in shock that Brian Fucking Kinney brought me flowers. Oh did I mention it was Brian who brought them. Deb is standing there with a shocked look on her face. "Brian Kinney get your ass over here now" I hear Deb calling Brian. "Uh oh the mother hen has spoken" Brian laughs as he moves away from me. "Brian Kinney if you hurt that boy again I will fucking cut off your balls and sell them to Michael." I hear Deb say to Brian. "I am not planning on hurting Sunshine Deb. I'm trying here. Just going to take it slow. Justin wants it slow and for once I'm not talking bout sex." I hear Brian say and I try not to smile. If he only knew that this isn’t about chasing after me. Its about him treating me like I matter. And it’s not about making me fall head over heals for him all over because I never stopped loving him, but he doesn’t need to know that. "Ready to go Sunshine" He asks me "Yes sir" I say and he smirks at me for the sir remark. "Where are we going?" I ask him and he just smiles at me "To the loft” He saids with a smirk. "Brian I “ but before I could finish he saids he stops me. "So you can change for the date Justin" and he smirks at me again and I smile back "Good thinking" I say smiling. So we go back to the loft. . which I caught that he said 'the loft' and not his loft. I smile at the thought. I shower and change and come out of the bedroom to find Brian by the bar "Drink before we go .We have 45 minutes before we have to be there" "Sure I would love a drink" I said to him with a sunshine smile. "Justin lets make a toast. To new beginnings and happier endings" I'm still in shock that this is really Brian. BRIAN’S POV We drink and go to the restaurant that I picked out. "SO what you think Justin? Is this to your liking?" I ask him I really want to make him see that this is how I want it to be with us. Course I still have to keep my asshole side for other things. "Its great Brian, but you didn’t have to" he is looking around again. “Yes I did this is a date right?" "Right" he says smiling at me. We order dinner and eat and talk. Damn I forgot just how much Justin could make me laugh. "So what’s next stud" Justin asks me "Whatever you would like but I was thinking maybe some dancing" "Babylon?" he asks "Ugh not on a date Justin. DUHH.I was thinking bout of dancing here" I tell him as I get up and take him to the dance floor. "Justin, before you ask, I really am Brian Kinney and this is just between us." I tell him before leaning in and kissing him. "Brian there’s people watching" "Well like Em the queen saids. Fuck'em" I say before kissing him again. We leave and I ask him where he would like to go. "Brian, if you are thinking you can wine and dine me with sweet words then fuck me, you’re wrong" Justin saids out of the blue. "Umm Justin I'm not going to fuck you .I just want to do this right” Then he leans over the car and takes my cock out and takes it in his mouth. FUCK! I have to pull over so I don’t wreak. "No, Keep driving. If you can do it, drive that is while I'm doing this, then I will let you fuck me" Justin saids so I pull back onto the road with his mouth on my cock, sucking me like there's no tomorrow. I keep thinking we are going to crash and then it hits me, I that old feeling again in my balls as i moan and try to keep my eyes open and on the road not to kill us. I cum down his throat with a loud "FUCK JUSTIN” and he leans up and kisses me, letting me taste myself as well. "Where to" I ask after I get my breath back. "The loft Brian" he saids smiling. So we go back to the loft and we just talk .I want him so bad but I refuse to just fuck him. He’s getting upset "Justin listen to me...are you listening?" I ask and he nods “Good, it’s not that I don’t want to fuck you, ok I don’t want to fuck you but we are taking this slow. Fuck I would have you moved back in and in our bed if you didn’t want to take this slow. Fuck Justin, I don’t want to just fuck you, I want to make love to you I want to be inside my lover, my partner." I say to him and I see his eyes fill up with tears. "Oh Brian I just said to take things slow because I wanted to see if you would do it. I don’t want to. I want to be with you forever. Meet me on Liberty at 11pm" He saids as he gets up “What are you talking bout Justin" I ask puzzled. "Just trust me." He smiles and kisses me again before he walks to the door. "OK where on Liberty" He looks back and smiles and saids "You will know" and he leaves. I go down to Liberty looking for Justin and not knowing where to find him. "Brian you came after all" I hear Mikey say "Uh Hi Mikey, ya I came but not for the reason you think .I'm looking for someone" I say to him looking around the street. "Oh you know they are all inside. .at least the good ones" Mikey laughs "Good ones. Maybe but the best. . Fuck no” I say and smile as I figure out what Justin is up to. I walk to the corner and see him .My angel under the street lamp where we first met. I walk up to him knowing what he is wanting. I walk over to him and smile. “How’s it going? Have a busy night? I ask him just like the first night. “Just Uhh, checking out the bars, you know. Boytoy, meathook." He tells me. “Meathook? Really? So you’re into leather?” I keep going with it. “Sure” he saids smiling, just like that first night. “Where ya headed?” I get closer to him. “No place special” He saids again. "I can change that" I say with a lower voice. "You already have" he saids before kissing me. And all I can think of is, he’s my special place. We go back to the loft and we proceed to take each other’s close off. I look at him and he smiles and I smile back and take a condom and put it on his erect cock. He looks at me and asks me with his eyes. "I need you to make love to me Justin. Then I will make love to you ,but tonight its new beginnings and happy endings" he nods and gets himself ready. He puts himself to my ass after he stretches me with his fingers. He slowly pushes in and gives me time to adjust but I need him now .He makes love to me and then he rolls off and he says "How did you remember all that? From the first night." And I smile at him and kiss his lips and tell him "You never forget the first time you fall in love" And with that he gives me his big sunshine smile and I know everything will be okay again.