Thanks again to my wonderful beta and friend Carly. Also thanks to Sid for everything you continue to do for me. You inspire me when you push me to write. LOL also thanks to the girls for all their feedback. Enjoy.
I lay here in Brian’s arms and feel the world melt away. He lets me cry as long as I want to, as long as I need to.
“You okay?” He asks me.
“Ya I am now. I can’t believe we did that. I am shocked you did it with Em.”
“It was my idea. I wanted to help you through this but knew you wouldn’t feel so stressed with him here and with alcohol in your system.”
“Aww how sweet. You got me tipsy to seduce me.”
“Yes I did.” We both laugh.
“Not that I’m complaining,” I yawn out.
“Me either. Stop doing that.” He laughs while he yawns. “It’s fucking contagious.” We both laugh again.
I lay on his chest once more and run my hand over it.
“Spill it Sunshine.” He kisses my head.
“I am thinking about going into counseling,” I admit.
“Well don’t you need to go to school for that?” He runs a hand over my back and I bite his nipple. “Ouch you twat.” He smiles up at me.
“I mean I am going to go see a counselor. I was never able to growing up because then they would know my family’s dirty little secrets. I think I should go now that it’s my choice. I am a strong person Brian, but not this strong.”
“Sunshine, whatever you want to do, then you do it and it’s not something to take lightly. I will gladly go with you if you want me to. I wont say anything, just sit there for support. I think it’s a great idea. Hell it’s not embarrassing to go. I think everyone could benefit from seeing a counselor at least once a month.” I lean up to look at him.
“You are serious.” He nods his head.
“I had it, and I still go every once in awhile. It’s a great stress reliever.”
“Thanks Brian. It’s good to know that you don’t think small of me for wanting to go.”
“Think small of you, never Sunshine. I am proud of you.” he tells me and I wipe a tear away.
“Thanks,” is all I can say.
“If you want, I can take you to mine and he can help or suggest a female if you are more comfortable.” I can’t believe Brian is doing this for me.
“Yours would be fine. Might as well keep it together.” I smile at him.
“Ya, he’s the best. Been going to him since I was old enough to make my own decisions. And he is the first one who didn’t accept my advances.” He smirks. “So I know he is in it to help people and not score.”
“That’s good to know.”
“I’ll call him later.” He leans up, kissing my neck. “Until then, what shall we do?”
“Well I could think of something.” I smile.
“Only if you want to.” He gets a shy look on his face.
“Oh please, like you are shy. And yes I want to. Brian, if I stop now, I am afraid I won’t let myself in it for awhile.”
“I understand. Ok your majesty. Tell me what you want and we will do it.”
“I want you to make love to me. And then I want to make love to you.”
“As you wish.” I laugh at the sentiment of that phrase.
“I love your movie impressions.” I lean up and kiss him.
For the rest of the morning, we make love to each other.
That afternoon I wake up to find Brian not next to me. I walk out to where he is talking on the phone.
“Yes sir. I am sure about this. I need it as much as he does. I know. I hate seeing him in any pain. It’s not that I can’t deal with it, it’s more of the fact on wanting to learn how to help him through it. Yes sir. I’ll have him call you when he gets up. Ok I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” He hangs up and turns to see me there.
“Shit, Sunshine you scared me.”
“Was that your doctor?” I look at him and he nods.
“Why didn’t you make me an appointment?”
“I figured you would want to do that. You can just go in with me.” he tells me, pulling me into him.
“Ya, I would like that. You know, you don’t have to learn to help me. You are already doing it.” I kiss him to show him.
As I rest my head on his shoulder he sighs. “Justin, I know you say that, but I want to be able to understand what you are going through. Even though I got beat by my father, it wasn’t the same as you were. I just want to share the pain with you.” He sighs again.
“I know and it means a lot to me, but some things you can’t help me with. I have to deal with them on my own," I tell him.
“You aren’t alone. Not anymore. “ he whispers.
“I know,” I tell him just above a whisper.
“Then please let me help you through this.” he asks me as I look into his eyes and see his sincerity.
“Okay, I’ll try. I can’t promise you I won’t freak out on you.”
“Neither can I. So how about if we freak out, the other promises to stick by the other.” He kisses my head. I don’t know what it is but I feel safe in his arms.
Three Months Later
Brian POV:
It’s been three months since that night we promised to be there for each other. I sit here in this chair at the doctor’s office, watching my lover go through his life pains and there isn’t anything I can do for him right now. I look over at Emmett and he hasn’t taken his eyes off Justin. I am glad he’s here. He has done so much for us.
The doctor’s voice brings me out of my thoughts when he asks Justin to describe his feelings.
“Justin, you are safe now.” he tells him
“I know. I have people who protect me. I have E and Brian. They look out for me.”
Emmett smiles at me and I know he can tell that Justin and I have been getting closer.
“Justin, I know that this has been hard on you. I am going to stop for today.” He looks to Emmett and me as we both nod our heads.
I look at where Justin is lying and can tell he’s hurting. Today has been rough on him. We came in knowing it would be a longer session. Justin wanted it this way. He wants to ‘get this over with and move on’.
Justin sits up and runs his hands through his hair. Emmett moves over and takes Justin in his arms and lets him rest on his shoulder. The doctor is named Dr. Dolton Portman. He has told us to call him Dolton or Dade. He’s an old almost trick.
“Justin I want you to go home and rest today. We will pick up next time.”
“Yes sir.” Justin rubs his head.
“Brian stay here a second. Emmett why don’t you take Justin and get some water.” Emmett nodded as they walked out Justin looks back at me. I smile at him as he walks out.
“Brian, I want you to watch him. He’s lived through so much and he still has some to work through. He needs to be sure you are going to stick around. He fears if he gets to emotional that you will walk away from him.” I look over at him.
“No fucking way. I love him Dade. He won’t lose me.”
“Reassure him of that.” He hands me Justin’s prescriptions.
“Thanks Dade.” He shakes my hand as I head out I see Justin and Emmett leaning against the wall, Justin is laughing at something Emmett said to him. He sees me walking over and meets me half way and puts his arms around me.
“Thanks Brian.”
“Anything for you Sunshine.” I hug him tighter to show him I mean it.
“Let’s get you home.” He simply nods his head as Emmett comes over.
“You okay baby?” Justin looks to him and smiles.
“Ya, I will be. Thanks Emmett. I know I couldn’t have done this without you.” He pulls him into him, hugging us both.
Later that night
Justin Pov:
Today has been a long day. We went to see Dr. Dade and he seems really nice. Every time I leave there I feel tired, but better.
I am getting better at not turning to E all the time. I know he has his life to lead and he always tells me that I can count on him no matter what. Brian understands when I have those moments, which I do. But we promised that when one of us freaks out, the other has to stick by them.
“Brian?”
“Ya, what is it Sunshine?”
“Thanks.”
He gets up and comes over to me and hugs me close. He lifts my head so I can look into his eyes and he smiles down on me.
“Listen to me, are you listening?” I nod my head. “You never have to thank me for anything. On days like these, you are more emotional. And so am I. But you don’t have to thank me. I am honored you let me be there and I know that you need Emmett as well. I can’t and won’t ask you to just want me.”
“You know I couldn’t do this without you? I need you Brian.” I know it’s childish but I feel so small on these days. A tear runs down my face.
“No need to hide it Sunshine. I do the same thing when you are asleep.” He says as he rubs the tear with his thumb.
“You cry when I am sleeping? Brian.” I lean up and kiss his lips.
“Yes I do. I cry for you. I cry for us. For what you went through. I cry so you don’t have to cry anymore.” I look at him and I can tell he’s telling me the truth.
“That is the sweetest thing anyone’s every said to me. It means the world to me to hear you say that. I love you.” I lean in and kiss him before placing my head on his chest.
“I love you too Justin. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I am always here for you.” Brian whispers into my hair.