Three’s a Crowd 

Chapter 8


“Mom’s birthday dinner was supposed to be a surprise,” complained Michael and just about everyone around him grinned; when was it ever possible to keep anything secret from Debbie?

“Well, I didn’t say anything,” said Emmett, as Michael looked accusingly around the group now seated in the restaurant; everyone putting up their hands saying “Not me … not guilty,” but when Michael and Ben had arrived at Debs to find her already in her best dress, they knew they’d been sprung. 

And then later, at the restaurant: “You look really nice, Debbie,” said Ted, pulling out Debbie’s chair so that she could sit down. “Why thank you Theodore,” she replied, “and just as well I don’t rely on my son here to tell me what’s going on … otherwise I could have turned up at this fancy restaurant in something smelling of French-fries. And a girl likes to look her best on her birthday … especially in the company of so many handsome men,” and she patted Ted’s cheek and smiled at the rest of the group.

It was Saturday night and when Michael, Ben and Debbie had arrived at Luigi’s, Vic, Em, Ted, Lindsay and Melanie were already there and they thought they were only waiting for Brian: fashionably late as usual and they hadn’t long been seated when Michael’s chin practically hit the table as the door opened and in walked Brian … with Justin.

Justin had been pretty busy with school and his shifts at the diner and actually hadn’t had that much time to think about Brian since the ride home from Babylon and the invitation to join in with the birthday dinner, but Brian had surprised Justin by calling in at the diner earlier in the day and when Debbie was out of earshot, managing to say to him that he’d pick him up at 7:45, giving Michael, Ben and Debbie time to get away.

As it was, it was after 8:00 when Brian arrived to find Justin wearing figure-hugging pants and a white tee, which looked to be several sizes too small and which clung to his body; something Brian couldn’t fail to notice or appreciate. 

“You figure on going on somewhere after dinner?” Brian had asked him as Justin opened the door to him and the blond had smiled as he’d grabbed his jacket.

“Maybe,” he answered him. “But you don’t look too shabby either,” Justin complimented back and Brian smiled in return. Looks like both men sort of had the same idea: see how the evening pans out and if everything looks to be going okay, well then they were suitably dressed to go on to a club.

And now at the restaurant, they were seated at a long, narrow table, in a relatively quiet corner, with Brian and Justin opposite each other at one end. At the other end of the table, Debbie was enjoying herself immensely and was genuinely touched by the presents each of the guests had given her.

“It’s not much … and it’s not as good as it could have been … I didn’t have too much time …” said Justin quietly as he gave Debbie her present and she kissed his cheek. “Sunshine … I wasn’t expecting anything from you honey … you should be saving your money …” and she unrolled the rolled up drawing and gasped. It was a picture of her and Michael; Mother and son and she looked up at him and patted his face; trying desperately to keep back the tears. And then Debbie hugged Michael as she showed him the picture.

Michael was caught totally unprepared by the gift and just how beautiful it was; Justin had obviously gone to a lot of trouble. “Thank you,” he told him as Justin walked back to his seat and he frowned. This wasn’t part of the plan; he wasn’t supposed to like the blond, but he was beginning to realise the sort of young man Justin was; honest, likeable, hardworking and wanting to do right by everyone.

Brian observed Justin’s face as he gave Debbie her birthday present and the way he’d watched her hug Michael: unable to ignore the undeniable sadness in the young man’s eyes. He obviously missed his own family and especially his Mother and Brian wondered what sort of woman would turn her back on her own son, especially one who’d suffered as much as Justin had. But then his own Mother had turned her back; having discovered Brian was gay. But he hadn’t had his head bashed in; what sort of Mother would ignore her son after something like that?

“Are you okay?” Brian whispered to him across the table as Justin sat down and the young man nodded. “I miss her that’s all … my Mom I mean,” whispered Justin in reply and Brian bit his tongue, only just stopping himself from saying that Justin shouldn’t bother himself about her if she hadn’t been worried about him enough to keep in touch; that wasn’t what the young man needed to hear right now. She was his Mom and he loved her; regardless of how she’d treated him and Brian almost regretted that he couldn’t think about his own Mother the same way.

Justin’s mood soon lightened as the meal got underway, with the group laughing and swapping banter and making sure he was included. But he often just listened and observed the others: happy to be part of this little family. 

He’d felt it during the dinner at Debbie’s and now, again, he realised why it was this band of people did indeed regard each other as family. Often condemned and discriminated against; they understood each other and stood shoulder to shoulder; united in defiance against the outside world and its bigotry. But in actual fact they were closer than family. 

How does the old saying go? You can choose your friends … But here was a family by choice and Justin was beginning to see just how lucky he was to now be regarded as part of it.

Justin realised that Brian had been watching him; once again concerned about him and he now looked across at the older man and smiled; one of his trademark Sunshine smiles and Brian grinned back, obviously relieved that Justin’s mood had lifted and they settled into enjoying the meal and enjoying the evening; both of them becoming more and more comfortable in each other’s company. 

And Justin loved the way Brian’s eyes twinkled like now; when he was genuinely happy, but he had the impression that it didn’t actually happen very often.

Brian had only told him briefly about his own family, but enough for Justin to know he hadn’t had the same contented childhood as Justin had experienced and then Michael had mentioned that it used to get rough for Brian at home.

It didn’t take a genius to understand Brian’s apparent coldness and distrust when faced with someone who offered him affection; childhood memories last a lifetime. But Justin was convinced that given the chance, he could make Brian happy. The more time he spent with him, the more Justin was falling for Brian. It wasn’t just that he was the hottest guy he’d ever seen: hotter even than Mark. The man had displayed a deep caring nature; something it seemed that wasn’t often on show, for whatever reason, and that the cool exterior most likely masked a seething mass inside; someone fraught with conflicting emotions; afraid of giving too much and never getting anything in return.

True, Mark had shown his affection during their relationship, or so Justin had thought. But in the short time he’d known Brian, compared to Mark, Brian had demonstrated far more concern for a relative stranger than he could ever imagine Mark being capable of.

The wine flowed and everyone was nicely relaxed and it hadn’t gone unnoticed how Justin and Brian were at ease with one another and had been talking quietly across the narrow table and never at a loss for conversation, which was often flirtatious and heavy with innuendo.

Justin ate enough for two and soon cleared his plate and then started on Brian’s; the older man far too conscious of his image to consume the large portion that he’d been presented with and Justin obviously burned it all off with the boundless energy that he’d been blessed with.

And it would seem that Justin could converse about practically any subject; apparently the result of a very expensive private education and Brian was beginning to wonder if he would ever pause for breath or how he didn’t get a massive attack of indigestion, for once having started to talk, he was difficult to stop. But the older man was happy to let him rant on; seeing Justin’s enthusiasm for just about everything he was doing, but especially of course, for his art. And whilst Justin talked, Brian took the opportunity to look at him: taking him in.

He loved the way Justin used his hands; those extremely talented fingers, to emphasise what he was saying and even found himself wondering how those fingers would feel, caressing his body.

Brian watched Justin’s mouth as he spoke; those ruby red extremely kissable lips and he speculated just how much longer he was going to be able to hold out before the need to crush them with his own became so uncontrollable.

And as for those eyes gazing into his own; two pools of blue liquid drawing him in, threatening to drown him and Brian slowly realised there was no way he was going to be able to ignore much longer the pull Justin had on him. The blond obviously found him equally attractive, but that had never been a problem; Brian had always had more than his fair share of guys after him. But somehow this was different.

Getting Justin into bed wouldn’t be a problem, but getting him to leave might be and despite the feelings Brian was developing for the blond, he wasn’t sure which would require the greatest courage; to either ask him to stay or tell him to go. 

Mentally, Brian shook his head. No; if they were going anywhere, it would just be for sex and nothing else; Justin would have to understand that. But maybe it just wasn’t worth getting in to, for Brian had the deep suspicion that maybe it could never be just sex with Justin; their connection was too deep for that. 

And that’s when it happened.

Whilst he’d been talking, Justin realised how quiet Brian was and how the older man appeared to enjoy listening to what he was saying. Brian would fix those beautiful hazel eyes on him and it didn’t take much for Justin to realise just how attracted to him Brian was. He was right, the feeling was mutual and Justin ached for them to take the next step.

Over the course of the evening it became apparent that the young man had possibly consumed just a little too much wine and suddenly a deliciously evil thought popped into his head.

As Brian took a mouthful of wine, he felt something slide up his leg and rest on the chair between his thighs. He spluttered on his drink in surprise and Em, sitting by his side, tried to pat him on the back, but was waved away; Brian managing to get out hoarsely something about the wine going down the wrong way.

Brian looked at Justin, whose face was a picture of wide-eyed innocence, putting another spoonful of chocolate death in his mouth. He poked out his tongue and deliberately licked the spoon and then sucked on it; holding Brian’s gaze and then he responded to a question from Lindz, who was sitting beside him.

Brian had been leaning with his elbows on the narrow table; wine glass in one hand and found himself screwing up his napkin with his other hand as slowly, Justin’s foot progressed further between his legs; thank God for the tablecloth hiding what was happening.

Having slipped off his shoe, Justin couldn’t resist the urge to see how long Brian could hold out and spurred on by Dutch courage, knew exactly what he was doing.

Justin’s toes reached Brian’s crotch and he started to wiggle them; rubbing against the bulge now growing beneath the material of the man’s pants.

Brian briefly closed his eyes: Christ, he was going to cum in his jeans there and then and when he opened his eyes again, Justin was leaning back in his chair; barely able to conceal the grin on this mouth; unable to keep it from showing in his eyes.

There was no way Brian couldn’t react and he suddenly moved back his chair: the legs scraping on the floor and holding his napkin in front of him and muttering something about needing the bathroom.

“Are you okay, Brian?” asked Lindsay after him, startled by the speed with which Brian had risen from his chair. “I’ll go check on him,” offered Justin; struggling to get his shoe back on and he quickly followed Brian to the men’s room.

Brian had just disappeared into a cubicle and was shutting the door when Justin put out his hand; stopping it from closing. They stared at each other for a moment and then Brian moved aside and Justin stepped in: closing the door behind him.

They swapped positions and leaning against the door, Brian watched as Justin unzipped him and then knelt down in front of him. Having released Brian’s cock from the confines of his pants, it took a few sweet, gentle tugs for Justin to get the response he was looking for and Brian leaned his head back and closed his eyes as Justin took the leaking member into his mouth and began to take small, light licks along his shaft, extracting a low moan as Brian ran his fingers through Justin’s silky hair.

Spurred on by Brian’s obvious pleasure, Justin began to take longer licks and then started to pay attention to one of Brian’s balls, licking it slowly and then moving on to the other and now Brian held the younger man’s head in his hands; keeping him in place as he thrust himself further into Justin’s warm mouth. 

Justin retreated slightly and took a quick breath and looked up: meeting Brian’s gaze. He could tell how turned on the man was and revelled in the fact that he was the cause and returned to his ministrations, much to Brian’s relief. 

Brian watched him; the blond’s head now bobbing up and down with even more enthusiasm; seeing just how turned on Brian was had encouraged Justin even further.

He opened his throat; taking Brian in even deeper and then closing around him; a technique he’d honed to perfection, and he pulled Brian’s jeans down further so that he could reach behind and started to squeeze and then part the man’s buttocks. Justin’s fingers probed Brian’s hole, but without lube he wouldn’t go any further; he didn’t want to hurt him. But the dual sensations brought on an orgasm far more intense and consuming than Brian could remember and when he climaxed, Justin drank thirstily and continued sucking until Brian became soft.

Brian’s breathing had become quick and shallow and he now tried to take deeper breaths; drawing the oxygen deep into his lungs as he tried to get his heart rate back to normal and slowly began to focus on Justin as the young man stood and then reached up to kiss him, allowing Brian to taste himself on those ruby red lips.

“That was hot,” said Brian, still panting heavily. “I like dick,” said Justin seriously, as if merely stating his preference for lemon bars over chocolate brownies. “ I like sucking dick,” he continued. “And I’m good at it, too” and now he grinned and Brian nodded and grinned in return as he dressed himself.

“Well … I guess we better get back … the others will be wondering what we’re doing,” said Justin, sadly. “Yeah … I guess we had,” agreed Brian; who would much rather have stayed in the men’s room with Justin than go back to the table under the watchful scrutiny of their companions.

Brian returned to the table first with Justin following on a minute behind him. It hadn’t passed by anyone how long the two men had been missing and several glances shot around the table; with Debbie especially taking note and Michael narrowed his eyes as he studied Brian. Yes, he definitely had that freshly fucked look he knew so well and he saw how Brian and Justin continually kept each other’s gaze as the dinner was coming to a close and sharing a sly, secretive smile.

The evening came to an end and making their goodbyes, the party stepped out into the cold, where their taxis were waiting for them; Ted, Emmett, Mel and Lindsay were sharing and left first.

“Shall we give you a ride home Justin? We can squeeze you in …” asked Michael, as he, Vic, Ben and Debbie approached their taxi. 

“He’s going with me,” stated Brian, before the younger man had a chance to respond and he couldn’t miss the knowing smile Debbie gave him or indeed the look from Michael.

“Goodnight you two,” Ben closed the car door behind Vic and Debbie and then took Michael by the arm and walked him around to the other side of the vehicle. It was obvious that his partner still resented the relationship that had started to form between Brian and Justin and needed a gentle reminder that it was none of his business who Brian chose to … chose to what? Date … sleep with? Ben still wasn’t sure what was going on between the two men exactly, but Brian seemed to be relaxed and contented in Justin’s company and that surely couldn’t be a bad thing.

“Where are we going?” asked Justin as the car carrying the birthday girl pulled away and hoping Brian might suggest going back to the loft.

“I thought we’d go to Babylon … it’s still early” and he chose to ignore the flicker of disappointment in Justin’s eyes; knowing full well where the young man would have preferred to go. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They danced closely; without a look in anyone else’s direction and totally absorbed in the beat and Brian now knew exactly what he wanted to do to Justin; and so did the blond. Brian was determined to keep the anticipation going as long as possible, but suddenly, mid-dance, he stopped and without a word took Justin by the hand. But not to the back room, he didn’t want a public display for this. He wanted the younger man all to himself and practically running, they made their way to Brian’s car and Brian barely kept to the speed limit on the way to the loft.

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They’d undressed each other frantically and now Brian got his wish and forced them both to calm down and with Justin now caressing his body with his long artistic fingers under the blue lights in the bedroom, Brian shuddered with pleasure at his touch; a reaction Justin couldn’t fail to notice or thrill to.

Brian rolled Justin on to his back and they kissed long and deep and then starting at the younger man’s throat, Brian kissed along his collarbone and then moved down to his left nipple, licking and sucking it before moving on to the right nipple. Justin arched his back as Brian licked down his chest and over his stomach, pausing to dip his tongue into his navel and then Brian grinned. Justin had been expecting him to repay the compliment of earlier, but no; he would have to wait for that.

Brian straightened up and then lent over Justin to reach the nightstand; opening the drawer to find the condoms and lube: he tore off the wrapping and Justin held out his hand. Hesitating briefly, Brian handed Justin the condom and the younger man sat up and lent forward to put it on him. Brian closed his eyes briefly as Justin’s fingers enclosed around him. “Careful, we don’t want this over with too soon,” Brian warned him.

Lifting Justin’s legs over his shoulders, Brian positioned himself and squeezed out an ample amount of lube onto his fingers and begun to spread it in and around Justin’s hole; the younger man gasping with the sudden coldness and aching to feel Brian inside him.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Justin reached up and pulled Brian towards him; their faces now just a couple of inches apart. Brian put his hand beneath Justin’s chin and slowly, brought their mouths together; eyes closed shut and Brian felt himself falling; spiralling ever downwards into a bottomless pit; unable to save himself. 

Justin fought to keep his breathing under control; he so desperately wanted Brian inside him; filling him, but the urge to kiss him had become too great. He wanted the man to know that it wasn’t just about sex for him; Justin’s feelings ran deeper than that and he badly wanted the man to understand.

Trying to regain his senses, Brian forced himself to open his eyes: running his tongue along Justin’s bottom lip and nipping him lightly with his teeth as he withdrew. 

Trying not to hurry; desperately wanting to prolong this moment; this feeling for as long as possible, slowly and carefully, Brian entered Justin; a little at first and then further before stopping; waiting for the younger man to adjust to his size.

Justin felt as if his entire body were on fire as Brian pressed in and the older man felt the blond pushing against him; willing him in deeper and deeper as Brian began the slow strokes. Justin gave himself willingly and openly and with every fibre of his being.

Justin moaned. “Faster … “ he breathed and clinging to the sheet. “Not yet,” whispered Brian; tantalisingly prolonging the younger man’s release he so desperately needed and Justin reached down and took his cock in his hand, stroking himself slowly in time with Brian’s own thrusts.

Breathing hard, Justin watched Brian’s face totally lost in the pleasure of him and slowly, so slowly, Brian began to quicken his thrusts.

Now, with both men close to the edge, Brian suddenly opened his eyes to find Justin watching him intensely; a look that reached down to his very soul and indeed Brian was lost; possibly forever. 

Brian was the first to fall into the abyss, filling the condom with Justin only moments later, sending spurts of cum over both of them. Reaching his orgasm with one more push, Brian had felt Justin clench around him: heightening his climax, before falling forward as Justin embraced him. Now soft, Brian slipped out of the blond and collapsed alongside him, trying to bring his breathing back under control.

Slowly, Justin turned and reaching out, ran his fingers through Brian’s hair and Brian raised his head to look at him: meeting his gaze. Justin was searching his face for how he felt and Brian closed his eyes and turned his head before sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed.

“What’s wrong … have I done something?” asked Justin quietly; moving closer to him and he knelt on the bed behind him and put his hand on Brian’s shoulder. Brian shook his head, trying to work out just exactly how he was feeling. After all, it wasn’t too long ago that he was contemplating spending the rest of his life with another man; a man now buried in the ground and how could he tell Justin that just to have him here scared the shit out of him? Was he ready to go that route again and with the young man who regularly slept with his partner?

“You’re not still thinking about Mark?” asked Justin quietly and Brian took a deep breath and unable to speak: confirming Justin’s worst thoughts. “It’s not too soon to move on …”

“That’s so easy for you,” said Brian. “But I don’t know if I can … I … I’m no good at this … especially after …”

“That’s bull,” said Justin, rubbing the back of Brian’s neck and Brian closed his eyes, a feeling of panic suddenly starting to overcome him.

Justin had got too close; way too close and Brian knew that if he didn’t bring this to an end soon, he might never get away, despite the feelings he knew were growing for the younger man and that it would only be a matter of time until he had his heart broken all over again. Because it would be so easy to fall in love with Justin: so much easier than the feelings he’d developed for Mark. 

Falling for Mark had been a reaction to the realisation that he was likely to be left on his own with so many of his circle of friends forming relationships. Something that Brian had scoffed at often, saying monogamy wasn’t possible between gay men. But Brian had begun to realise how isolated he was becoming. Isolated and sad; turning up to parties on his own; hitting on waiters; a quick fuck or blow job in any dark or not so dark corner, leaving with complete strangers, but waking up alone. How pathetic was that.

No, when Mark had come along and shown the merest hint of interest, Brian had to prove he could still cut it and before he’d known it, they were a couple and Brian had started to breathe a sigh of relief. After his initial reluctance to give up the tricking, he realised he wouldn’t have to try any more; he was part of a couple. It wouldn’t matter if he no longer chased anything that moved, he could say he was trying to stay committed to Mark; a commitment that had proven to be in vain; given Mark’s behaviour.

And he could see why Mark would fall for Justin. As well as being the cutest guy he’d seen in a very long while with his perfect pale complexion and big blue eyes, Justin’s youthful enthusiasm could carry anyone along with him. And Justin understood commitment; Brian knew that and also knew that Justin would probably ask too much of him. 

No, Brian had to protect himself. He was still in good shape; he could still cut it even now, despite his doubts. Hadn’t he proved that at Babylon the other night and didn’t he have the blond in his bed right this minute? Christ, where had his confidence gone? He never used to worry about hitting on guys. It was always a given that Brian could get any guy he wanted and usually did. 

No repeat performances. That had been his mantra for so many years; the one that had protected him; prevented anyone from getting too close; close enough to hurt him. Why hadn’t he just stuck with that all along?

“You blame me … don’t you?” said the younger man suddenly: trying to find a reason for Brian’s silence. “But I didn’t go chasing after Mark … he came after me …” stated Justin. 

Suddenly, Brian had visions of Mark in bed with Justin: doing what he’d just been doing with the blond and he felt his stomach churn, visualising them together. Maybe this was his way out; Justin had given him the very reason he could use to end this right here and now, before he got in any deeper. But deep down he knew it wasn’t really feelings of guilt that was making him push Justin away, although that’s what the blond was assuming. It was feelings of jealousy. But who was he jealous of? Justin for sleeping with Mark or Mark for sleeping with Justin?

Justin sighed. Maybe it had been too much to expect Brian to forget that Mark and he had been together. It had to hurt; knowing your partner had sought the arms of another, younger man, regardless of what Brian said or did.

Justin slid off the bed and started to dress and not bothering to shower. He thought he’d reached Brian; that Brian had understood he had no knowledge of Mark’s relationship with him. That it had been equally a shock to Justin to discover Mark had a partner as it had for Brian to discover that Mark had a lover. But Brian obviously felt guilty about bedding Justin so soon after Mark’s death; that had to be the reason he was pushing him away. Had Mark’s cheating left that deep a scar: a wound that would be too hard to heal?

Maybe everything he’d thought he’d seen in Brian had been a fantasy after all; that Brian had only seemed to care for him out of some sort of guilt about Mark’s behaviour towards them both and that he’d just wished for someone to come along and care what happened to him after Mark’s death. He’d obviously read much more into Brian’s behaviour than was actually there.

Now dressed, Justin went to walk away and then turned back. He reached out and stroked Brian’s hair and saw how the man closed his eyes at the touch of his hand. “You shouldn’t feel guilty … about Mark I mean and I know this scares the shit out of you, doesn’t it?” asked Justin and Brian marvelled again how Justin’s words echoed his own thoughts.

“But it can be so worth it,” assured Justin. “If only you’d take the risk … “ and then Justin turned and walked down the steps and out of the loft.

Fighting back the tears as he left: the feeling of rejection so overwhelming, Justin knew he’d lost the fight. He felt totally exhausted. He’d tried so hard to get through to Brian and failed. The man couldn’t or wouldn’t believe they had a chance together. Whoever had fucked him up had done a pretty good job and Justin suspected it wasn’t just Mark’s cheating on Brian that caused the man to shut down. After all, didn’t everyone experience someone cheating on them at some time? No, this probably went much deeper and now it looked like he wouldn’t get the chance to show him it could be different.

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Trying to push every thought of Brian from his mind and throwing himself into his art, Justin was beginning to worry about when his money was going to run out and had conceded that he would have to approach his Father for funds if he was going to be able to continue at PIFA; unable as he was to get a scholarship, owing to his Father being a high earner.

Craig Taylor turned him down flat. But if his son wanted to transfer to Dartmouth, well that would have been a different matter.

“I’m never going to be a business man,” Justin had told him. “But I’ll always be your son … and I’ll always be gay,” and he’d seen the disgust in his Father’s face as the man had turned away from him; the hurt continuing as he made his way to school, with tear-filled, unseeing eyes that had left him stepping off the kerb straight into the path of an oncoming vehicle. The car had swerved and come to an abrupt halt, with Justin jolted back to reality.

Thankfully, at the last moment, Ted had seen Justin step into his path and had managed to avoid him, but brought the traffic to a stop behind him and lucky to escape being hit by another vehicle.

“Justin … are you all right?” Ted wound down the car window and called out to the young man, ignoring the car horns blaring around him. He lent over and pushed open the passenger door. “Get in … come on … get in”. 

Justin hesitated for a moment and then got in beside Ted and closed the door. “Where are you going?” Ted asked him and with his voice shaking, Justin answered him. “Back to school” and so Ted put the car into gear and moved off.

They rode in silence until finally Ted asked “That was close … you must have something pretty serious on your mind for you to step out into traffic just like that”. Hoping to get a reply, Ted glanced at Justin and saw the young man turn away and refusing to answer him.

Ted brought the car to a halt outside PIFA. “Justin … is there anything I can do?” Justin shook his head. “Not unless you want to invest in a penniless artist who one day may or may not be worth a damn thing …” Justin sighed and turned to Ted; answering the man’s questioning look. “My Dad’s refusing to pay for me to stay at PIFA. I’m not sure how long I’m going to be able to continue … the money from the paintings I sold?” and Ted nodded; he’d heard about the young man’s good fortune with those. “Well, that’s not going to last forever and I don’t know what I’m going to do when that runs out … but I guess that’s my problem” and Justin quickly opened the car door and got out. “Thanks for the ride” and he closed the car door and turned away, leaving Ted watching him go.

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As much as he wanted to, Brian couldn’t stay away from the diner and tried to time his visits to coincide with Justin’s shifts, though always attempting to seem casual. There wasn’t much dialogue between them, other than Brian giving Justin his order and asking generally how things were going; which usually resulted in a few words in reply, but the tension between the two men had begun to subside and though their conversations were usually short, they were friendly and nothing was ever mentioned of how close they’d once actually threatened to become. 

If only Justin knew just how much Brian’s heart ached every time the blond spoke to him or how his heart pounded when he saw the young man talking and laughing with any of the other young men that frequented the diner.

“If only you’d take the risk”. Justin’s words kept going around in his head and though Brian had never considered himself to be a coward, he knew that avoiding any chance of a relationship, with anyone, was being just that.

Why didn’t he have the nerve? Did he value himself that little; was he really that shallow that he thought he couldn’t sustain the commitment it would take to form a loving, lasting relationship? No one looking on would have guessed at Brian’s lack of self-esteem; the man seemed so together, at least on the surface. But it’s amazing what a beautiful face and body can conceal about what’s really going on inside.

But in that case, what was he doing when he’d begun the relationship with Mark? How had it been that Mark had been the first person that’d ever got through to him? Given, Mark was persistent about telling him he loved him; something that Brian was only just beginning to accept when Mark had died and deep down, Brian hoped that Mark indeed had loved him, even just a little, despite going elsewhere for whatever Brian couldn’t give him in the end.

Or was he just swept away with Mark’s enthusiasm, allowing the man to virtually take over his life and had been happy to go along with that at the time?

But Mark had never reached him the way that Justin had; even in the relatively short time Brian had known Justin he’d learned that. The young man’s honesty far outstripped Mark’s and the way Justin had looked at him and touched him and made love with him; far more intensely than Mark ever had. And Justin had been willing to give of himself completely.

But it was too late; there could be no going back. How could there be? He’d made sure of that, that night at the loft, when Justin had left thinking Brian had rejected him; that he didn’t care, even though that was further from the truth than Justin would ever know.

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“That kid has such talent … it’s a damn shame if he isn’t able to continue”, said Ted, quietly, after picking up his drink and joining the gang at the pool table.

“What are you talking about?” asked Brian, picking up his cue and lining up his shot. He missed and the look of shock on his face brought grins to his companions.

Ted had spotted Justin talking with a group of young friends from the diner at the end of the bar; it was Friday night and they were all at Woody’s.

“I gave him a ride to school a couple of days ago … no … there’s nothing going on like that!” exclaimed Ted as Emmett looked at him questioningly. “But he walked straight out into traffic right in front of me … didn’t even see me. He was pretty upset … apparently his Father had turned him down … won’t fund him through PIFA and he’s not sure how long he’s going to be able to carry on.”

“Well now, that’s a real shame … isn’t there something we can do?” asked Emmett. “It’s expensive guys …” said Ben, “these days … putting a kid through school” and he sent the 8-ball spinning into the marked pocket.

“Shit”, Brian reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his wallet and peeled off a few bills, which he handed to a grinning Ben. “Why, thank you … “ said Ben, taking them off him. “Then I guess the drinks are on you …” said Brian, holding onto the bills briefly before releasing them. Ben closed his eyes and chuckled. “It would seem that way …” he agreed and he headed for the bar. 

“I don’t see why you think it’s up to us to help him,” said Michael, sullenly as the group moved away from the pool table and took up seats nearby.

“Well, he is family …” offered Emmett. “Hardly, he just happens to be living at my Mother’s …” answered Michael as Ben put the beer glasses down on the table.

Brian frowned as he picked up his beer. He hated hearing Michael speak of Justin this way. As far as he was concerned, he was still part of the family group, even though he had very little to do with him; something that Brian was bitterly beginning to regret.

Ignoring the stares of the gang, Brian picked up his beer and made his way towards Justin; catching his eye and drawing him away from the group he was with.

“The agency I’m with … they’re looking for an intern … pay’s not huge, but if you’re interested …” “They’re paying?” asked Justin, eagerly; any prospect of additional money welcome and Brian nodded. The truth was the agency was looking to appoint an intern and they didn’t generally pay, but Brian would make sure something would come Justin’s way.

“Yeah … sure I’m interested … as long as you don’t think it will be a problem … me being there …” Brian shook his head. “You’ll be down in the art department … I’ll hardly see you … shouldn’t be a problem. Come down around 10:00 on Monday … I’ll let Clive Mullen … know to be expecting you … he’s the head of the art department and if you get through the interview they should take you on … make sure you take some of your best work with you.”

“Okay … thanks, Brian” answered Justin and Brian smiled weakly before returning to the gang.

“What was all that about?” asked Michael. “Just business” answered Brian, refusing to expand any further.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Without any hitch, Justin passed his interview and with the school’s agreement, commenced his internship at Vanguard Advertising. Brian was right; they barely ever ran into each other; much to either man’s disappointment. Maybe innocently running into each other in the corridor or by the water cooler could have broken the ice and led to an invitation for coffee, but then Brian had to admit that probably wouldn’t be a good idea; not if he intended keeping Justin at arms length.

Justin was enjoying his work; even taking on the menial tasks and it did make him feel closer to Brian at least; knowing he was in an office not a million miles away. If only he could find the excuse to start up a conversation and spend a little time with him: anything that might make Brian change his mind about wanting him closer. 

But even with the money from the internship; something that Brian had ended up paying for out of his own pocket; much to Gardner’s amusement, it wasn’t nearly enough to ensure Justin his place at PIFA. He was going to need much more serious money than that. 

And that’s when the bolt out of the blue happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin was running an errand for Clive when he ran into James McElhenny.

“Justin?” James called after him; Justin had passed him by and hadn’t recognised him.

“Justin … it’s James … James McElhenny … you remember … from the gallery. We met at Mark’s funeral?” Justin studied the man and then the recognition dawned.

“Oh sure … I’m sorry … I didn’t recognise you.” “That’s okay,” answered James. “It was a bit of an upsetting day … it was such a shock to lose Mark like that” and Justin nodded in agreement.

“Well, you’ve saved me a job … I’ve been trying to contact you … but the address I was given seems to be in the process of being pulled down …” Justin nodded “Yeah, my old apartment building’s being re-developed or something … I’ve been living with a friend …”

“Stop by the gallery … I want to discuss a showing” continued James. “What?” asked Justin. “I’m sorry … I don’t understand.”

“Well, those pictures of yours … I don’t mind telling you they’ve had more than just a little interest shown in them. I was hoping you’d have some other work and that we could put a show together … maybe in a couple of months time? And then I’d like to take them to the New York gallery. Call by tomorrow and we’ll talk … only I can’t stop now … I’m sort of late already. Here’s my number …” and James pulled out his business card and handed it to Justin.

“You shouldn’t have any trouble selling them … they’re quite remarkable …” and James made his goodbyes and left Justin standing: open mouthed, on the sidewalk. Damn: he meant to ask who’d given the pictures to the gallery.

His paintings; Justin had forgotten all about them once they’d been sold and started to wonder again who’d actually bought them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now Justin was juggling his shifts at the diner and working his internship in with his school responsibilities, but he was loving it. He felt more alive now than at any time since the bashing. With the help of the computer given to him by Brian, he was producing more than he could ever have imagined. Sure, it wasn’t the same art as he was used to and now to do more fine work took longer and his hand hurt like hell after too long. But that didn’t matter either; at least that was something he could put down and pick up again as he wanted. Maybe he could combine a selection of both techniques for the show.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin wasn’t sure why, but Brian was the first person he wanted to tell about the offer of a show; especially when it could then go to New York.

It was getting late: after 7:30, when Justin made his way to Brian’s office at the first chance he had and he knocked on the door. It wasn’t unusual for Brian to still be there at that time, but he looked up in surprise at the sudden noise.

“Sorry … I didn’t mean to startle you,” said Justin and he hesitated in the doorway: not wanting to go in without invitation. “That’s okay … come in. They’re working you hard downstairs if you’re still here” and Brian turned away from the computer and faced him.

“I’ve just finished up … and I wanted to tell you … I met a guy from the art gallery today and somehow those pictures that were bought at Torso found their way there … they want to put on a show of my work”

“Well, that’s great,” said Brian, smiling. “You must be really proud.” “Yes, I am,” agreed Justin. “I only wish I knew who bought them … I’m hoping James … from the gallery … can tell me.” “I wouldn’t worry about it,” said Brian, looking away from Justin’s gaze. “Just be glad they got them” and he turned back and smiled and Justin smiled in return.

Brian rubbed his forehead and turned back to his computer. He wished he could continue this conversation with Justin, but he daren’t give out the wrong signals.

“Headache?” asked Justin, moving closer and with obvious concern and Brian turned back. “A little … just been putting in a lot of hours lately”.

“Can’t you call it a day … maybe … maybe we could go and get something to eat?” asked Justin, mentally crossing his fingers.

Brian frowned. He was hungry and it couldn’t really hurt, as long as it didn’t progress to anything else.

“Okay,” he said at last. “But not the diner. There’s a little bistro just around the corner. It’s quiet, but the food’s good”. For some reason, Brian didn’t feel like being on show at the diner in full view of practically everyone he knew and it would be good to get Justin on his own; just to talk to; for just a little while.

“Are you buying?” asked Justin. “Only it sounds sort of expensive”. Brian smiled. “I’m buying … see it as one of the perks of the job … dinner on the boss” and he closed down the computer and switched off the light. There’d be no more work done here tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The atmosphere at the bistro was comfortable and the lights low. The conversation was light and pleasant and unthreatening, with neither man wanting to bring up the subject of their relationship. Brian talked about the agency and it was soon made clear to Justin just how hard Brian had worked to get where he was.

“What about your family?” Justin asked him. “They must be pretty proud of you and what you’ve achieved?”

Brian bit his lip and looked down at his plate. He sighed and wondered just how much he should let on to Justin. “My Mom’s pretty cold and doesn’t approve of me and my Dad … well … let’s just say that Jack liked a drink or two and leave it at that” and Brian took a large swallow of his drink and made it perfectly clear he didn’t want to discuss the subject any further.

“How about your folks?” Brian asked him. Justin sighed. “Well, they were okay until I came out … now my Dad doesn’t want to know me and my Mom … well, she just goes along with what he says, I guess. But I do miss her … and Molly, my little sister … though I wouldn’t want her to know her big brother’s pining after her” and both men smiled. Brian looked at his watch; it was getting late.

He called for the bill and asked the waiter to get a taxi. Justin wondered why; Brian had only had one drink.

“I enjoyed tonight,” said Justin, as they made their way outside. “So have I,” said Brian quietly, but instead of heading to his car, he stopped by a taxi parked in the kerb. “He’ll take you home” said Brian and he opened the car door and indicated that Justin should get in.

Shocked and a little disappointed that Brian didn’t want to give him a ride home, Justin got in the taxi. “Goodnight … I’ll probably see you at the office tomorrow” and Brian closed the door and the taxi pulled away before Justin had a chance to respond.

Brian watched as the taxi pulled away and only wished he’d had the courage to ask Justin back to the loft. He sighed and closed his eyes and acknowledged; not for the first time; just how fucked up he was. Terrified of relationships: of letting someone hardly more than a kid, get too close to him. 

If Mark hadn’t died, maybe he’d have got passed all that and accepted that he was worthy of someone’s love. But Mark was gone and Brian had retreated back to his former state; keeping up the barriers and not letting anyone in because he was bound to fuck up and let them down.

On the taxi ride back to Debbie’s, Justin couldn’t help but wonder why it was that Brian hadn’t taken him home. He’d said he’d enjoyed the evening and at no time during their dinner together had Brian indicated anything different.

Or was it that he just didn’t trust himself and wanted Justin safely out of the way before he was tempted into something he was trying to avoid.

That had to be it. Brian was still attracted to him; wanted him even, but was afraid to let himself take it any further.

Justin smiled to himself with renewed conviction. Brian did want him; he just couldn’t admit it yet.


To be continued.