Out of the Shadows Book 1: The Student - Chapter 7 (Final) Although there now seemed to be an unspoken understanding of sorts and spending more and more time together, Justin still hadn’t heard Brian say how he really felt about their relationship and trying to get the man to open up to him only ended in awkward silences or Brian walking away, so Justin gave up; for now. Brian had, however, made a point of letting him know that just because they were sleeping together it didn’t mean he didn’t need to be with anyone else from time to time, but that it meant nothing and so the tricking continued. Justin waited patiently, hoping that Brian would one day make the decision that he no longer needed the tricks; that Justin was all he needed and desired. But when that day would come, he had no idea. And until then, he would have to accept that when Brian disappeared with another guy or took someone back to his apartment, that it had nothing to do with his relationship with the blond. Justin didn’t like it, but he loved the man and sometimes wondered if the tricking was a way of Brian testing him; just to see how much he really did care. The sex was fantastic between them, Justin couldn’t deny that and he was eager to learn everything Brian had to teach him; he so wanted to make the older man feel like he had been made to feel. But it had gone beyond being just sex for Justin and it seemed to him that was the case also for Brian. And he couldn’t help but think that whenever Brian made love to him, then that was when he was opening up; telling him by the tenderness of his touch and the passion in his kiss, just how much he loved him, even if he couldn’t yet say the words. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin dropped some of the shifts at the diner to allow him to spend more time with Brian. But at times the man would go out on his own; saying he had business to attend to and when he returned, the blond knew he hadn’t been with a trick; Brian was always honest about that and besides, he didn’t have the usual self-satisfied, freshly fucked look that Justin had seen so often. And on his return, Brian would sit quietly and deep in thought and Justin knew not to speak to him until the man himself was ready to break his silence. Brian often looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and when he was ready to respond, he’d look over at Justin and smile and the younger man would get up and walk over to him; and then Justin would climb into his lap and they would kiss. “I wish you could tell me what it is …” Justin would say to him, but Brian would shake his head and tell him it was nothing for him to be worried about, but that didn’t stop Justin being concerned. And when he was on his own, Brian would meditate to try and get some order to his thoughts; to try and come to terms with something he now realised was his duty to take up; an enormous responsibility that would one day soon become his. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jennifer Taylor had discovered her son’s bed was empty again; he hadn’t even bothered to use the excuse that he had an early shift before school at the diner he worked at or that he was spending the night over at Daphne’s any more. She’d often wondered what the Chanders thought about their daughter spending so much time with Justin. Were they not concerned that maybe they were sleeping together, or did they trust them completely? Or did they know more about her son than Jennifer did? Thank God Craig was out of town on business, but then again, Justin must have known that otherwise surely he wouldn’t have allowed himself to be brought home right to the door. And Jennifer watched from her bedroom window as the man leaned across and kissed her son before Justin got out of the car. She also couldn’t forget the drawings she’d seen in Justin’s sketchbook and knowing she could no longer ignore the situation, Jennifer decided she needed to confront him. Justin had slipped into the house and gone up to his room and changed out of yesterday’s clothes before coming down to breakfast. Molly, the Taylor’s youngest child, had got up earlier and was finishing her meal and was duly sent off to watch a video in the family room and Jennifer poured out the fruit juice for her son as he helped himself to cereal. Neither of them said anything while Justin ate and his Mother poured herself a coffee. “Oh … by the way,” said Jennifer casually at last. “I phoned your Principal … he told me you don’t have life classes at art club …” and Justin pushed his empty dish away. “Who’s Brian?” asked Jennifer and Justin shrugged. “Just a friend,” he answered and Jennifer sighed. “He’s the man who brought you home this morning … isn’t he?” asked his Mother, but Justin didn’t answer her. “I saw him kiss you …” and now Justin got up quickly to move away from the table; not wanting to face her, but Jennifer was prepared and grabbed his wrist: preventing him from leaving. “Darling … you can tell me … I promise I won’t tell your Father …” Justin looked at his Mother and all the deceit about where he’d been going and who he was with came welling up. He’d never lied to her before and he’d hating feeling that he needed to now and so he allowed his Mother to bring him back to the table and he sat down in his chair. “I love him Mom …” “Oh Justin …” and Jennifer reached across the table and stroked her son’s cheek. “You’re far too young …” “For what?” asked Justin. “To be in love? You were with Dad when you weren’t much older than me …” “Justin … you’re only 17 …” “Nearly 18 …” interrupted Justin. “Old enough to know my own mind … and to know that I’m gay,” and Jennifer closed her eyes. There; he’d said it; had admitted it to her with very little encouragement. But hadn’t she always suspected that her beautiful, sensitive and artistic son was gay? If his Father found out she had no idea what he might do; there was too much history there; history that had destroyed a family and something that Craig had never accepted or forgotten. To have it repeated and discover his own son was gay would be more than he could bear. “And there’s something else …“ stated Justin and his Mother looked at him fearfully. God: what else could be coming and her heart leapt in her throat and she prayed silently: Please don’t let him be sick. “I want to go to art school … I know Dad wants me to go to Dartmouth … but I could never be a businessman like him. Would you talk to him for me … make him understand?” asked her son. “Justin … there is no way your Father will allow you to go to art school … he’s expecting you to go to Dartmouth …” “But why … everyone says I have talent …” “Darling … there’s no denying that … but have you any idea how difficult it would be to make a career out of it?” “I know,” conceded Justin, “but eventually I want to get into animation … but I have to go through art school first …” Jennifer looked at her son and shook her head. She could see how desperate he was to follow his dreams, but she knew her husband would never allow it and she also needed to make sure Craig didn’t find out he was gay and an idea started to form in her mind. “Justin … do you remember my friend Margaret … we were at college together?” “Sure,” answered Justin. “Doesn’t she live in Switzerland?” “Yes,” his Mother answered him. “Just outside Geneva …” and she leaned forward and put her hand on his arm. “You know … they have some wonderful art schools in Europe …” and Justin pulled away from her grasp. “What … you want to send me away … you can’t …” and Justin, shocked at his Mother’s suggestion, leapt to his feet. “Justin wait … maybe if I explain … then you’ll understand … please listen to what I have to say …” Justin looked at her: he couldn’t mistake the urgency in his Mother’s voice and so slowly, he returned once more to his seat. Jennifer reached across the table and took his hand. “Justin, there are things you just don’t understand … if you stay here … there is no way you could go to art school … but if I convince your Father that spending time in Europe would be a good way for you to finish your education … then he wouldn’t have to know. You could switch schools …” “Mom … I can’t believe you want to send me away … it’s because of Brian, isn’t it … you think I’ll forget about him …” “No Justin … despite what you think, it isn’t because of Brian … it’s because I’m so scared for you,” and Justin could see the tears in his Mother’s eyes. “Mom … what is it … what aren’t you telling me?” and his Mother looked at her son’s beautiful face and sighed; maybe he should know the truth. “Your Father has an older brother … Paul …” “I have an Uncle?” asked Justin. “But Dad never talks about him,” and Jennifer shook her head. “I know … it’s a part of his life that he wants to forget” and she took a deep breath. “Your Dad was 13 when Paul announced he was gay … Paul was about 17 at the time and it tore the family apart. Your Grandparents divorced and your Grandmother took Paul’s side and it ended up with them moving away … leaving Dad with your Grandfather … and he never got to see his Mother again … she died before he got the chance …”. “Dad never forgave Paul for taking his Mother away from him and all the hurt he caused everyone and if he ever found out …” Jennifer’s voice trailed off and now Justin understood her concern. Dad never talked about his parents and Justin assumed they were dead and that it was just too painful to mention them and he had no idea he had an Uncle and a gay one at that. But there was no way he was going to hide who he was: if his Dad couldn’t handle it, then that was his problem. “I really don’t know how your Father will react when you tell him you’re gay,” continued Jennifer. “It … it will destroy him …” and she cupped her son’s face as the tears brimmed in his eyes. Craig had always been so proud of him; it had always been his Dad that Justin had taken his report card to or shown him his latest piece of art. Would he really act that way; and it broke Justin’s heart to think that he probably would. “But if I can convince him that sending you to Europe would be such a wonderful opportunity for you and that you’ll meet some incredible people and have a fantastic life …” “You’re almost talking as if you wouldn’t be expecting me to come back …” interrupted Justin and he couldn’t hide the shock in his voice and Jennifer didn’t deny it; if it would save her son from his Father’s wrath, then this was a sacrifice Jennifer was prepared to make. “Mom … I’m not a kid … I’m not running away. If Dad can’t accept me for who I am then that’s his problem … not mine …” and he started to get up to leave. “Then what about Brian?” asked Jennifer and Justin stopped in his tracks. “What about Brian?” “Your Father is a powerful man Justin … more powerful than you know …” “Are you saying he could hurt Brian?” asked Justin. “Darling … I really don’t know … but if your Father finds out you’re involved with this man … I’ve got absolutely no idea what lengths he would go to.” But secretly Jennifer feared she did know; that over the years Craig had become so obsessed that he was capable of almost anything. “All I’m saying,” continued Jennifer, “is that your Dad could make things very difficult for him … and I wouldn’t want to see you get caught in the crossfire …” “So … will you promise me you’ll think about it?” she asked him and Jennifer got up to collect Molly; she’d promised to take her daughter shopping for new trainers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Okay … out with it ...” Brian had been waiting for hours for the younger man to talk to him, but it was taking longer than he’d hoped. Justin had been quiet all evening and had tried to concentrate on his drawing and at first Brian hadn’t wanted to disturb him. He’d marvelled at Justin’s talent; not realising initially how wonderfully artistic the young man was, but Justin’s sketchbook was filled with beautiful pictures, including several of Brian. Brian could have told by Justin’s expression that there was something wrong, and at first the blond had told him it was nothing. But Brian could see in those blue eyes how upset he was and it took all of his resolve not to tell the young man that he probably had a good idea what that was; flashes of words passing fleetingly through Brian’s mind; but he needed Justin to say it to be sure. “It’s my Dad …” stated Justin and Brian nodded. “Mom says there’s no way he’ll let me go to art school …” and his voice trailed off. “Anything else?” Brian asked him and for the first time, Justin looked up at him and he put down his sketchbook and pencil. “Mom knows about me … and about us … but she says Dad’ll never accept it and that his brother’s gay and that it destroyed his family …” “That’s your Father’s problem … not yours,” interrupted Brian. “If he really loves you … he’ll accept you … otherwise … fuck him … you’re entitled to be who you want to be … who you are”. “I know,” continued Justin. “But Mom was acting like she was … well … scared of him … of what he might do if he found out … she was even talking about me going away …” and Justin watched Brian’s face for a reaction to this news; he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Brian, but how did Brian feel, he wondered? “Going away?” asked Brian, quickly; Shit; he hadn’t been expecting that; that was something he hadn’t picked up on. His Father was right; it would all take time; it couldn’t be rushed and Brian was slowly becoming aware of the responsibilities he would be carrying once his new abilities reached their full potential. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “The fucking Health Department will be closing us down if that fucking trash company don’t come and clear all that away soon,” groaned Debbie, coming in from the rear of the diner. The privately owned trash contractor; Pittsburgh Waste had been having problems with the union and their members were currently on a wildcat strike, causing a mountain of rotting waste food to start piling up outside the back door of the diner as well as every other eating establishment on Liberty Avenue and the Health Department deemed it the proprietors’ responsibility to get it cleared away; otherwise they would start shutting establishments down. Debbie had managed to have a chat with a driver who worked for the company and who came into the diner from time to time, but all she could find out was that everything started going wrong when the company was bought out a couple of months ago; the employees finding their rights being slowly eroded by the new owners and a change in shift patterns and a reduction in hours had been the final straw. Brian’s curiosity had been aroused and he’d done a little digging; searching Wards Business Directory and the Directory of Corporate Affairs and came up with a surprising discovery. He had to wade through various corporate connections and thought there may even be some dummy companies along the way, but it would appear that Taylor Holdings was the new owner of Pittsburgh Waste. For the moment, Brian decided to keep this information to himself: partly to protect Justin in case a connection was made between him and the company responsible for causing so many problems down the street and partly because as yet, Brian couldn’t be sure whether there was any deliberate maliciousness behind the company’s actions. But then he’d done a little further digging; it would seem that the only route in the city affected by the strike was the one that included Liberty Avenue. Problems seemed to be cropping up now on a regular basis with annoying instances of graffiti and vandalism and now certain cab companies would no longer come down Liberty Avenue. A couple of drivers had been attacked and threatened and would now only come so far before their passengers were forced to continue on foot or hail a cab owned by a different company to complete their journey; alternatives that were getting fewer and fewer. Slowly, Brian realised that there was evidence that the problems were definitely escalating; that possibly someone was deliberately targeting the gay community after all. And that maybe this was the start of the very reason why a protector was needed and why the teachings were so important. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian thought back to something Cheng had said; that there would be times when he would need to be alone and with the pressure Brian had started to feel heaped upon him, now was that time. He needed to find somewhere he could go that no one else knew about; not his parents or even Michael or Justin; somewhere that was not too far away from Liberty Avenue and the gay community and the newly converted warehouse on Trenton seemed ideal. He’d leased the property with the option to buy. If Brian had asked his parents, they no doubt would have provided the money for him to purchase it outright, but this didn’t sit right with him. They’d told him that their vast wealth would be his before too long, but Brian had always wanted to go his own way. With the sort of money his parents had, he could have been a playboy and if Jack and Joan had been the normal sort of well-heeled, indulgent parents, Brian could have spent his time travelling between all the right resorts; in the company of all the right people. But they weren’t normal parents and Brian wanted to be his own man; which was why his career at Ryder’s was so important to him and why he needed to acquire and pay for this property himself. The loft had clean lines, polished wooden floors and came with top of the range appliances and Brian purchased expensive furnishings to complement the spacious and uncluttered feel of the place. He especially liked the raised bedroom, which was enclosed along its front by glass screens separating it from the living area. From the windows he could look out over the city; the traffic noise was muted and he felt sufficiently removed from the hustle and bustle of the busy streets below to be at peace. Or he would be, if he didn’t have everything going round and round in his head all the time. And thank God for cell phones! At least he could still be contacted but no one need ever know exactly where he was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Fucking blood-suckers … that’s what they are,” bemoaned Debbie, reading the local paper Michael had brought in for her and they had it spread out over the counter: reading the article about the previous night’s meeting at the Gay and Lesbian Centre, held by the Liberty Avenue Traders Association, which Debbie had attended, representing the diner’s owner. The businesses along Liberty Avenue had received correspondence from Pittsburgh Waste, offering to bring the dispute with their employees to an amicable conclusion, but one which meant a ‘unavoidable increase’ in the charges for their services; a hike which would hurt a lot of the establishments to the point of putting up the prices they would have to charge their customers or possibly give up their businesses all together. But the company wouldn’t budge and neither would the drivers and in the end, the traders had reluctantly agreed to the increase. Justin had an early shift at the diner and Brian had brought him in on his way to work and was having his breakfast before going into the office and he and Michael were eating their meal at the counter with Ben already having left to take his class. Debbie poured them out two fresh coffees and picked up the paper and really wasn’t concentrating on what she was doing as she was so mad; she had just refilled the coffee pot and the liquid was steaming hot and she didn’t put it back properly onto the hot plate and it started to slide off. Brian had seen what was happening and had quickly moved around the counter and stretched his hand out to grab it: his palm coming into contact with the hot glass bowl. And he pushed the container back, well out of harms way; preventing it from tipping over and spilling its entire contents over Debbie’s bare arm. “Christ, Brian,” yelled Debbie and she jumped and dropped the paper: suddenly realising what was happening. “Quickly … let me run some cold water on that …” and she took him by the wrist before he had a chance to object and turned over his hand to inspect the damage to his palm. “What the …” there was no mark; no redness or blister or any sign of a burn and she looked up into his face in confusion. Brian shrugged. “I don’t mark easy …” “Doesn’t it even hurt a little?” she asked him and Brian shook his head; removing his hand from Debbie’s grasp. “I have to get to work …” and Brian caught hold of Justin’s elbow as he passed him on his way to deliver a hungry customer his breakfast and he kissed the blond. “Later …” “Later …” replied the younger man and Brian smiled and then left: the others watching him go. “Did you see that?” asked Debbie and Michael shrugged. “Beats me,” he answered her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To anyone watching, they were a couple and Brian had long ago ceased to deny it or glare at anyone who referred to Justin as ‘his boyfriend’. However much Brian had refused to acknowledge it, since allowing Justin into his life, things had changed. He would never admit it of course and Justin hadn’t mentioned it, but the tricking had reduced. Brian had started to become bored with the anonymous sex he used to seek out so much; preferring to make love with someone with whom he had become so familiar and intimate with; surprised at how good that actually made him feel. And Justin was someone who didn’t ask why he still disappeared from time to time or question the strange occurrences that occasionally happened. Brian found himself starting to finish Justin’s sentences for him and the younger man smiled; thinking how close they now were that they knew exactly what the other one was thinking; or at least Brian always seemed to know what was going on in the blond’s head. And Brian had to use all his wits not to pre-empt what Justin was about to do or say; the younger man would start to ask too many questions if he wasn’t careful. There was still so much Brian had to learn and get used to and still carry on as if everything was normal. Brian wondered why it seemed that it was Justin he was mostly able to pick up on. Was it because they were becoming so close and in tune with each other that made it possible: that there was a connection between them in any case which allowed for this to happen? And little by little, it began to register with Brian how much he liked having Justin around, but when the realisation of the full extent of his feelings finally hit him it was like a sledgehammer; he was surely falling in love with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the fall break and after much persuasion, the Taylor’s had taken young Molly to Disney World and it had meant a lot of sweet talking by both Mother and daughter to get Craig to agree to go away for a whole week and to allow Justin to stay behind; the understanding being that he would reside at Daphne’s. Not that Craig could forget business for that length of time and had taken his laptop with him and would still be conducting deals from their hotel suite. And Justin intended to take every advantage of the fact that his parents weren’t around and much to his relief, Brian hadn’t objected when the blond suggested that maybe he could stay over at the apartment during his family’s vacation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Shit … I left my jacket …” They’d spent the evening with the gang and not once did Brian feel the need to visit the back room: not unless Justin was with him and now they wanted to be alone and were about to head back to Brian’s apartment. It was getting a little chilly in the fall air and Brian stopped at the foot of the steps and he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his car keys and he tossed them to the younger man. “Why don’t you go and start the jeep … I’ll only be a minute …” and Justin caught the keys and started to walk off down the alley while Brian took the steps two at a time and headed back inside the club. “I thought you’d gone,” exclaimed Ben, in surprise: retrieving coats and waiting for Michael who had gone to use the Men’s room: Ted and Emmett having left earlier. “Forgot my damn jacket,” admitted Brian and he handed over his ticket. The two men talked while they waited and then Michael returned. “I meant to ask … how’s the hand?” asked Michael; taking his coat from Ben and his boyfriend looked at him. “Brian stopped Mom from getting burned … the coffee pot fell over and Brian just grabbed it and pushed it back out the way…” said Michael, by way of explanation. “Wow … that must have hurt,” said Ben, but Brian only shook his head. “No … not really”. “I’m out of here …” and Brian leaned forward and gave Michael a kiss on the cheek before turning around to leave: Michael frowned. “What is it?” asked Ben and Michael hesitated for a moment. “Well … anyone else … that coffee pot would have given them a nasty burn … but when Mom looked at Brian’s hand … there wasn’t a mark … nothing”. Reaching the door, Brian suddenly halted: his hand going to his temple. A sharp, stabbing pain made him sway and he put out his hand against the doorframe to steady himself. It passed and Brian shook his head: What the fuck was that all about? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The men had been waiting patiently; they didn’t care who their next victim was except for one thing; he had to be a faggot. And one of them continued to pat his palm with the business end of the baseball bat while they waited and they didn’t have to wait long. Justin had dug his hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie against the chill of the night air as he hurried down the alley: heading to where the jeep was parked and with the wind whistling through the narrow walkway, he’d put up his hood. That, together with the deafening noise of the music coming from the club, was why he failed to hear anyone as he turned the corner. Suddenly, two men appeared in front of him; bringing Justin to a sudden stop and even in the low light from the street lamp, he could see the man with the baseball bat smiling and a flicker of recognition crossed the blond’s mind. Justin hesitated for a moment; he knew when he was in trouble and he turned on his heel, needing to get back to the safety of the club. But he wasn’t quick enough. The bat caught him at the back of the knee and brought him down heavily and sprawling onto the pavement and then Justin was hauled to his knees. The fists caught his cheekbone and then his nose and mouth and he was lucky not to have his nose broken or lose any teeth; the blood from his cut lips spurting onto the pavement. The bat then caught him in the ribs and forced the air out of him and he was allowed to fall forward onto his hands and Justin wondered if he was going to die in this back alley. But then survival instincts kicked in and with all the strength he could muster, he allowed himself to go down onto the ground and Justin curled himself up into a ball; drawing his knees into his chest and his hands up over his head to protect himself from the blows and kicks that continued to reign down on him. They’d been told not to kill anyone, but just make sure they all got the message. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had just reached the foot of the steps of Babylon when he doubled over. He had no idea what had caused the excruciating pain; this time in his chest and he clung to the wall; his head pounding and with the blond’s face swimming in front of him in a sea of white mist. “Justin,” called Brian weakly and the pain then disappeared as quickly as it had come. He’d never experienced anything like it, but was in no doubt now as to what it meant and having recovered he took off at a run down the alley and turned the corner. Seeing the man suddenly appear out of the shadows, the assailant with the bat hesitated but held his ground; staring at Brian defiantly and then, wielding the weapon above his head, he stepped forward and aimed a blow at him. Brian put up an arm to fend off the blow, but the bat never touched him before it rebounded; the recoil putting an impossible force on the man’s wrist and he screamed and staggered backwards; holding his broken forearm to his chest; the bat falling to the ground. The other man; trying to take in what he’d seen, started to back away and pulling his injured colleague with him, took off down the street. Brian didn’t stop to wander what had prevented him from being hurt and he dropped to his knees beside Justin; the young man barely conscious. “No … no … no …” Brian was suddenly gripped by panic and shock at what he saw and then he heard a whimper. “Take it easy …” By the time the paramedics arrived, a little crowd had gathered around and then word got out as to what happened; a gay bashing and the nervousness that swept through those watching, as Justin was placed on board the ambulance, was all too evident. And as the ambulance pulled away, with Brian accompanying Justin to the hospital, the crowd dispersed in small groups: everyone looking nervously over their shoulders. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “He’s a very lucky young man,” announced Dr. Rawson to Brian, who had been waiting in the hospital corridor with Michael and Ben who had followed on. “It could have been a lot worse …” Justin’s face was bruised and he had a split lip. He also had several broken or bruised ribs and countless other hematomas and abrasions on his back, arms and legs, along with a mild concussion, but his hands had taken quite a lot of punishment protecting his head and were now bandaged, with two of his fingers broken; but luckily, not on his drawing hand. “Thanks doc,” replied Brian and he asked if he could go in and see him. The doctor had asked if he was family and Brian had hesitated. If he’d told them he was Justin’s boyfriend or even his partner, it was doubtful he’d be let in, so he lied and told them he was his cousin and that Justin was staying with him while his folks were out of town. Fuck them; it wasn’t a lie if they made you lie, decided Brian and so he was allowed in. The blond was sleeping and when they’d made sure that both Justin and Brian were okay, Michael and Ben left: leaving Brian gently holding one of Justin’s bandaged hands. Brian felt sick; why didn’t he know this was coming? Why wasn’t he able to prevent it? Wasn’t that what he was supposed to be learning: how to defend and protect the gay community? And here was someone he cared for lying injured in a hospital bed. Justin could have been killed and he’d been powerless to prevent it. Brian’s guilt was eating away at him and if it wasn’t for the fact that there was no one else, he’d give anything not to be there and see him like this. And he couldn’t bear it when Justin finally opened his eyes and tried to smile at him and then the young man had started to cry softly and Brian’s heart broke even further. Justin tried to say something, but the bruised lips; together with the painkillers and his sheer exhaustive state prevented any coherent speech and Brian from understanding what he meant. So the older man did the only thing he could do; he climbed on the bed beside Justin and gently held him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had hesitated in trying to contact Justin’s parents. He knew they were bound to find out of course, but maybe it could be passed off as a mugging rather than a gay bashing. If Justin was going to come out to his Father than he should be allowed to do it personally and in his own time, not for his Father to read it in the paper. But he needn’t have worried too much; the gay community was closing ranks with no one talking to anyone other than those closest to them about what had happened. But then Justin had a visitor. Justin was dozing; Brian had hardly left his side in the last 36 hours and there was a knock on the door and a man came in and introduced himself. “Detective Carl Horvath … can I have a few words?” and the stockily built man around fifty showed Brian his shield. Justin stirred at the man’s voice and Brian rose from his chair. “We didn’t call the police …” “I know …“ answered the man. “But I was on Liberty Avenue this morning … a cab driver was attacked last night … only this time the guy was robbed and stabbed … he’s up in ICU … and then I heard a whisper about another assault. Now … whether the two attacks are connected …”, and he shrugged. “But hey … I’m a detective … it’s what I do …” and Brian and Justin looked at each other but said nothing and Det. Horvath sighed. “You gonna clam up on me too?” he asked them. “Look … I know you don’t trust me and I guess I don’t blame you … but how the hell are we gonna catch the people who keep doing this if no one talks to the cops?” and he took out his wallet and produced a business card and reached across and gave it to Brian before turning his attention back to Justin. “If you remember anything about who attacked you … call me … okay?” but without waiting for an answer, the detective turned and left. There was a brief silence and then Brian spoke: “Do you remember anything about it?” he asked Justin. He’d not liked to inquire before in case it was too painful, but Justin’s expression gave him away. “Okay … give …” and Brian perched on the bed and Justin looked down at his damaged hands before looking back up at him. “I recognised the guy with the baseball bat,” Justin admitted. “I’ve seen him at my house …” and he swallowed. “He works for my Dad …” and then he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “Justin … that doesn’t mean your Dad knew what the guy was up to …” Brian tried to reassure him, but Justin just shook his head. “You don’t understand … everything that’s been going on … the trouble with the trash company … the cabs … it has to be my Dad”. “Look … I know your Dad’s a tough businessman … but to be involved in harassing everyone who lives or works on Liberty Avenue and then sanctioning a gay bashing … half-killing his own son … not to mention nearly killing a cab driver …what would be his motives?” “How about a multi-million dollar construction project?” said Justin and he sniffed and carefully propped himself up on his elbow. “What the fuck are you talking about?” “A shopping mall … built on what is now Liberty Avenue … I’ve seen the plans, Brian … on my Father’s desk”. “It makes sense … he hates us … and if he had his way he’d put everyone on Liberty out of business or make it so they were glad to sell out … he could buy everything for a song and destroy it all … the whole community …” and Justin collapsed back onto the pillows and put his arm over his eyes; trying to hold in the tears. How could his Father do this? Brian blinked; Justin was right: it did make sense. But it normally takes years to get plans like that through the proper channels: unless you’ve got people in your pocket of course. Brian looked down at him; the blond looked pale and exhausted and was extremely upset and it was a while before he fell back to sleep again, but at last Brian could hear the gentle rhythm of Justin’s breathing as he slept. The physical injuries would disappear, but Justin’s emotions were obviously all over the place; he was a mess. He truly believed his Father was behind everything that was going wrong on Liberty Avenue and was waging war on the gay community; Justin’s community. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian was on his way to collect Justin from the hospital when he made a detour. The desk sergeant put in the call and a few minutes later, Det. Horvath came downstairs and he recognised Brian from the hospital the day before and moving into an interview room, the detective sat on the table while Brian stood. “Okay … what do you have to tell me?” asked Horvath and Brian thought before speaking; wondering how seriously the man would take what he was about to say. “I think someone is trying to put the squeeze on the gay community … it isn’t just gay bashing … it’s a whole load of stuff … graffiti … vandalism and then the trash company went on strike …” “Okay … do you have any idea who’s behind it?” and Horvath saw Brian’s hesitation. “I only know there wasn’t any problem with the trash company until they were bought out a few months ago … it may be a start to look at who owns them now … or to see if anything else is proposed for that area … any plans …” Brian couldn’t afford to be too specific; at least he could protect Justin that way and besides, he had no intention of doing the cop’s job for them. “Is that all you have?” asked Horvath. “It’s not a lot to go on …” “Well,” answered Brian. “You said you were the detective … so … go and detect …” and Horvath smiled slightly and got up off the table to walk Brian out, but the other man stopped and turned back to face him. “There’s one other thing … the kid in the hospital … his folks don’t know he’s gay … “ and Brian looked the detective in the eye. “I’ve no intention of telling them,” the man answered him; meeting his gaze and Brian nodded his thanks and turned and left. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Where are we going?” asked Justin, as Brian turned the jeep into Trenton. He’d been discharged from the hospital and Brian had arranged some long overdue vacation time and was taking him home. Justin was still pretty sore and his hands were bandaged and his broken fingers in splints; he would have to take it easy for a while. Brian didn’t want to go back to the apartment where they could be disturbed and decided to take Justin to the loft so that they would be alone: It would probably for be the last time. “Holy shit … whose place is this?” asked Justin, as Brian slid open the heavy metal door and walked in; the blond following on behind. Brian took off his jacket and threw it onto a chair before heading into the kitchen to put on the water to make some coffee and Justin walked into the middle of the living room: trying to take in his surroundings. “You like it?” asked Brian from the kitchen. “It’s yours?” asked the blond and Brian nodded. “What about the apartment … you didn’t say you were moving …” “I haven’t … I’m not …” answered Brian and he could see the question on Justin’s face. “I … I need a place I can be alone from time to time … that no one else knows about …” “Except me,” observed Justin and Brian smiled. “Except you” and then he saw Justin frown. “But it has nothing to do with you and me …” continued Brian: trying to reassure Justin that it wasn’t him he needed to be apart from. “Then why the big mystery?” asked Justin and he moved towards the counter. “You want something to eat … we could have something sent in I guess …” asked Brian; choosing to ignore the question and Justin shook his head. “I don’t want anything to eat … but I wouldn’t mind some answers …” but Brian didn’t reply and instead of waiting for the coffee, walked over to the side table and poured himself out a glass of beam; even though it was a little early. “Do you want anything?” “I wouldn’t mind some water,” answered Justin. “Help yourself … there’s plenty in the ‘fridge,” replied Brian and he sat down on the sofa. Careful of his hands, Justin helped himself to some bottled water and followed Brian to the sofa: sitting down beside him and Brian took the bottle off him and opened it for him. “Okay … what’s going on?” “Do you trust me?” asked Brian, passing the bottle back to Justin and the blond found himself gazing into those beautiful hazel eyes and asked himself how could he not trust this man. As far as he knew, Brian had never lied to him: even about the tricking. So why would he begin now? “Of course I trust you,” said Justin quietly. “Then you have to know that there are just some things I can’t talk about … okay?” and Justin inwardly sighed. There was still a part of Brian’s life he wasn’t allowed to enter and he wondered if Brian would ever really trust him. “But promise me something?” the older man continued. “Don’t tell anyone else about this place …” and Justin nodded. Brian put down his drink and slowly, reached out and gently brushed Justin’s cheek; the bruises still evident and the blond saw the pain in those hazel eyes. It wasn’t the first time Justin had seen that look; he thought he’d noticed it while he was in the hospital; the way Brian looked at him and held his hand. “You’re not blaming yourself that I got beaten up … that you weren’t there?” he asked him and Brian briefly closed his eyes. “Brian … you didn’t know those morons were lying in wait … it was just my bad luck that’s all”. Brian looked away. But he should have known; if he couldn’t protect Justin; the person he’d come so close to, then who the fuck could he protect. Putting down the bottle, Justin slowly leaned across and, despite the bruised and damaged lips, gently kissed him. Brian might blame himself for Justin’s injuries, but the kiss at least told him that Justin didn’t and Brian brushed the blond hair away from Justin’s forehead. “You look tired …” and the younger man nodded. Taking Justin gently by the elbow, he led him up to the bedroom, where first Brian undressed the younger man and then himself and they climbed in under the covers. Instinctively, Justin moved towards him and Brian putting his arm around the blond: thankful to have him back in one piece. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Using the publicity campaign he was running for Taylor as an excuse, Brian phoned Craig’s offices to confirm when the man would be back. Barbara, Craig’s PA, had taken quite a shine to Brian, the few times they’d met and was rather more forthcoming with information than maybe she should have been. The Taylor’s were due back in a few days, but Craig had already arranged a business trip and was literally touching down just to collect clean clothes, papers and air tickets from his office and then was off to Chicago; probably for the best part of a week, if not more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On their return, Craig had literally dropped Jennifer and Molly back home and then exchanged casual clothes for business suits and shirts and headed straight for his office. Being away for so long had almost driven the man mad and Jennifer was actually glad to be back; she couldn’t stand the interruptions and with all the business calls and emails Craig had insisted on making, he might as well never have gone away with them. And when Brian told Justin that he needed to be somewhere, the blond had just nodded; he was used to the man disappearing like this and he let him go without question. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I’m Brian Kinney …” Jennifer opened the door to the stranger standing there and looked at him for a moment and then realisation dawned. Brian. This was Brian: Justin’s Brian and the look in her eye told him he didn’t have to explain his relationship with her son. Brian was shown into the living room and they both sat down: “I take it my son is with you …” said Jennifer and Brian nodded. Having come home and found no trace of him, she’d called the Chanders after Craig had gone into the office, only to be told that Justin hadn’t spent one night there. “Look … I don’t want you to worry … but … but Justin was attacked the other night …” “What? … is he okay? … I need to see him …” and Jennifer had leapt to her feet. “He’s doing okay,” assured Brian. “But I need to talk to you about it”. “Talk to me?” asked Jennifer in obvious surprise and she slowly sat back down onto the sofa. “Justin recognised one of his attackers … he says the guy works for his Father …” “What?” “Justin also says … that you want him to go away?” and Jennifer nodded. “I have a friend who lives in Switzerland … I’ve already spoken to her and she’d be more than happy to have Justin stay with them … he could go to art school there …” “That’s going to be expensive …” “I know … but I’m hoping Craig won’t realise … but if he does then I do have a little money of my own and some jewellery …” “I can always help …” interrupted Brian, but Jennifer shook her head. “I’m his Mother … it’s up to me …” and Brian nodded. “But if you need any help … please … let me know”, and Brian stood up to leave. “And you’re okay with it … Justin leaving I mean?” asked Jennifer and Brian hesitated and then looked back at her. “I care about him … but I’m not sure I can protect him from what’s going on … I think it’s going to get worse and if he sticks around … who knows who’s gonna be in danger … and from who …” Brian let that question hang in the air, but the implication was pretty clear and Jennifer understood him well. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Around dawn, Brian felt the younger man stir in his arms and he opened his eyes to find Justin looking at him and Brian smiled and leaned down to kiss him. Feeling the older man’s arms around him as he woke, Justin felt so safe and protected and turned into him: returning Brian’s kiss. “I want you inside me,” he whispered, but Brian shook his head. “I’m not sure you’re up to it …” Justin reached out and traced Brian’s jaw with his fingers. “Oh … I’m up to it …” grinned the blond. “I was talking about your injuries … you’re still pretty bruised …” “I trust you to be careful …” whispered Justin. And Brian was careful; Maybe the sex wasn’t quite as intense as before, but it was tender and caring and loving and though Justin didn’t know it, Brian was saying goodbye. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian was up early and had turned on local TV: watching it quietly so as not to disturb Justin. He eagerly read every paper and watched every news report, just in case there was any new incident or anything that might give them a clue about what was going on; the report wasn’t good. Justin was sleeping; he looked so beautiful, lying there on top of the covers on the bed and Brian stood watching him for several minutes; taking him in. He hated to see him hurt, but Brian had to admit he’d enjoyed having him there, these last days and spending time with him; cutting up his food for him to save him hurting his hands and helping him dress, though the best part had been showering together, even if it did mean protecting Justin’s bandages with plastic food wrap. But now, knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer, Brian sat down beside him and leaned across; brushing Justin’s lips lightly with his own and the blond opened his eyes. “Time to go home …” said Brian quietly and he pulled back and got off the bed. Justin sat up; “What … you want me to leave?” and Brian nodded. “Your Mom’s back … and besides … you have to go home … and start getting ready …” and Brian went to the closet and took out a holdall and started to pack Justin’s clothes that he’d brought from the apartment. Justin looked at him in disbelief. “What are you talking about?” and he got up off the bed and moved towards the older man, who’d gone into the bathroom and was retrieving the blond’s toiletries. Brian did up the zip on the bag and walked passed him, back into the bedroom. “I saw your Mother …” “You did what?” exclaimed Justin, but Brian continued as if Justin hadn’t spoken. “We both agree … it’s best if you leave … go to school in Europe …” and he took the few steps down to the living room. “The fuck I am …” “Justin … with everything that’s going on here I’m not sure I can protect you …” and Brian turned around to face him. “The cab driver … the one who got stabbed … he died this morning … and what if the guy you saw recognised you … ” and Brian walked across the living room and collected his car keys that he’d left on the counter. He had to get Justin away. If Craig was behind everything that was happening: if the stakes were as high as Justin had said, then who knows what else might happen and if anything else threatened to hurt Justin, then Brian would never be able to forgive himself. “I’m not leaving … I’m staying and taking my chances with everyone …” “JUSTIN …” Brian dropped the holdall on the floor; he hadn’t meant to raise his voice but he was becoming weary. He hated arguing with him and his irritated tone cut Justin off and the younger man walked over to him: but Justin wasn’t going to let up “Brian … what the fuck is going on? And I don’t mean with my Dad … I mean with you.” “Where do you keep disappearing to? I know its not with some trick so don’t try telling me it is …” “And why do you feel you have to protect me?” asked Justin, but Brian stood motionless and silent as the blond continued. “You know … sometimes when you come back … from God knows where … you sit there and it’s like you’re in another world …” “Where do you go to Brian? … in your head I mean?” Justin sighed heavily and taking a couple more steps, he moved in close and placed his hand on the man’s arm. “You ask me if I trust you and then say there are things you can’t talk about … okay … but how about you trusting me?” Brian couldn’t help chuckling. “You wouldn’t believe me … even if I told you”. “Try me,” challenged the blond. For a few, long minutes, Brian stared down at him and then he reached out and cupped the young man’s face with his hand. How he would love to have someone to share his burden with, but the risk to Justin was too great. Instead Brian closed his eyes and shook his head and Justin stepped back; away from his touch. There was obviously something so heavy and important going on in his life, but whatever it was, he couldn’t share it with Justin and the rejection the younger man felt made his heart sink in his chest. Justin loved this man and he’d thought Brian had developed similar feelings. But two people in love are supposed to be able to share things; their joys and their fears, but whatever it was, Brian didn’t trust him with it. “So … rather than let me in … let me be a part of it … you’re shutting me out and sending me away …” and Brian could hear the quiver in the young man’s voice and his words cut through him like a knife. “Justin … if you go to Europe you can carry on with your art … if you stay here your Father will do everything he can to prevent that and he’s a powerful man … believe me …” “My Mom said that …” said Justin, remembering his Mother’s words and now he was beginning to realise just how powerful his Father actually was. “But I don’t give a shit about my art … I want to stay here … with you …” “You do give a shit …” contradicted Brian. “You only have to look at your work. You are art, Justin … it’s what you do … who you are … and you owe it to yourself to explore your full potential …” and Brian moved towards him. “So … go to Switzerland … learn as much as you can … be the best at what you do … be your own man … then your Father won’t be able to dictate to you … what you are … who you are …” and with tears in his eyes, Justin reached up and put his arms around Brian’s neck and though Brian initially resisted; not wanting to really say goodbye to this beautiful young man who would undoubtedly give him everything he could ever want, he found himself hugging Justin as tightly as the young man’s injuries would allow; so that he could hardly breathe. But Justin didn’t care and he held on. Justin’s heart was pounding and he clung to Brian for as long as he could. Maybe both Mom and Brian were right; that if he stayed here, his Dad could make it really difficult for him to pursue his dreams. But there was also the other threat; the one his Mother had mentioned; and that was the threat to Brian if he stayed. Pulling back, Justin stared up at him and Brian leaned down and they kissed; a long and tender goodbye kiss and then, without a further word, Brian stepped back and picked up the holdall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian delivered Justin back home and hardly dare look at him as the young man walked up the path to the house, where his Mother was waiting at the front door and with a turn of the head, Justin looked back and whispered goodbye. If they’d been any closer, the blond would have seen the tears in Brian’s eyes as he pulled away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Surprisingly enough, Craig had been persuaded very easily to allow Justin to go to Switzerland to complete his education. In actual fact, with everything going on and likely to escalate, he didn’t want his son becoming too interested in his dealings: yet. That would come later, when he would welcome Justin back as a man and into the family business and by the time his Father returned from his business trip, Justin’s injuries had either healed or could be disguised and all the arrangements for his move to Switzerland had been made. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Daphne accompanied Justin and Jennifer to the airport; they hadn’t seen much of each other during the passed few weeks, but Justin was desperate to talk to her before he left and while Jennifer went to get some refreshments, they had their chance. “I’m going to miss you, Daph,” said Justin and he was finding it hard to keep back the tears and they hugged. “Me too,” came the reply. “But you’re going to have a fantastic time … I can’t wait to hear all about it”. “And what are you going to do … are you still going to switch to journalism … become an intrepid and daring investigative reporter?” and he grinned at her, prompting Daphne to swipe him on the arm. “I am … I’ve even got an internship lined up at the Trib’ …” “That’s great news Daphne … I hope everything turns out good for you.” “You two, Justin and it’s not like we won’t keep in touch … we’ll email all the time …” and she smiled at him. They’d been friends for years and it was going to be so hard not to have him around to talk to. “Daph … would you do me a favour?” “Sure … what is it?” “I bought Brian a present … something to remember me by … but I haven’t had a chance to give it to him … would you take it to him … please?” “Sure …” and Justin reached into his holdall and brought out a neatly wrapped package. “He works at Ryder’s … tell him … tell him I love him …” and he handed the present over to her. “Will passengers on flight AA6258 please proceed to Gate 12 …” “That’s you Justin,” said his Mother, returning with some refreshments she thought he might need on his flight and with Justin picking up his holdall, they made their way to Departures. Justin hugged Daphne and then his Mom: all three of them in tears at his leaving. But at least Jennifer knew her son would now be safe and she and Daphne watched as Justin waved back at them and then waited until he disappeared from view. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Why didn’t I see what was going to happen … if not to the cab driver … at least to Justin … I was with him only a few minutes before for Chrissakes …” Brian had arrived in a very agitated state and was now pacing up and down the Kinney’s living room. As soon as he came in the door, Joan and Jack could see he was upset, despite his every attempt to disguise it. They had sensed the presence of someone in Brian’s life of course, but at times it had seemed is if he were deliberately blocking something out. And they had decided not to interfere; that soon it would be Brian’s time and he needed to make his own decisions and take responsibility for his own actions. “This Justin … he means a lot to you …” it was a statement rather than a question and Brian’s Mother didn’t have to inquire further; she could see the confirmation in his eyes. “Then it’s probably best he goes away, Brian … there lays much danger ahead,” and she patted the sofa, indicating that he should sit beside her. “You’re close, Brian … very close … to the day when you will have every power you will need at your disposal … but that day hasn’t quite arrived yet,” and Brian looked up at his Father, standing by the fire place. Brian’s twenty-fifth birthday was getting closer; the time when he would indeed gain the last of the knowledge he needed and his Mother took his hand. “Brian … when that time comes … then it will be time also … for us to leave …” “What … I don’t understand …” “Our task here will be complete … your destiny fulfilled and you will have the knowledge and power you need to lead and protect the community …” “I … I can’t do it … not on my own …” “You won’t be … we will still be in contact with you to guide and advise … you will never be alone … we love you,” and she patted his face and smiled at him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Brian … you have a visitor …” Cynthia popped her head around the door; she had applied for and now been appointed, to the post of Brian’s P.A. Daphne introduced herself as Justin’s friend and handed over the package. “Did he get off okay?” asked Brian; trying to keep his voice flat and emotionless as he took it from her and she nodded. “He said to tell you … that he loves you …” and Daphne smiled and said goodbye: closing the door to Brian’s office behind her. Carefully, Brian unwrapped the parcel, took of the lid to the box and read the note inside: “Brian, I hope you will wear this as a reminder of how much I love you and know that one day, we’ll be together. Justin” Taking out the cowry shell bracelet, a lump came to Brian’s throat and it was all he could do through the mist now in his eyes, to secure the leather thongs around his wrist. How his heart leapt at the thought that one day, Justin might return and be by his side; not just as a companion in his crusade for justice for their community, but also as his lover; his partner. But until that day came, Brian must put all thoughts of Justin out of his head. However much he longed for him, he couldn’t afford to be distracted from the fight for which he’d been chosen. To be continued. Book 1: The End Read on for Book 2: From Darkness Into Light April 10th, 2005