Folks, thanks for sticking with me. Here’s chapter 12. I have now finished the story but Lois is away and has only limited computer access at the moment and I would rather post the final part after she’s checked it over first. If it looks like that’s not going to happen any time soon, then I’ll post an unbeta’d version, cos I don’t want to keep you hanging on any longer than I have to, but I’m sure you’ll appreciate that I would rather get it right. All the best. Julia Chapter 12: Standing at his classroom window, Brian couldn’t help smiling to himself as he watched Justin make his way towards the school building. After the janitor, Brian had been the first person to arrive this morning and he took a swallow of the coffee he’d made in the teachers’ lounge. As he followed Justin‘s progress, Brian‘s thoughts returned to the events of the previous evening and what had transpired between them. He still couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed that the younger man had left early last night, for nothing would have pleased Brian more than to have woken up beside him at day break. Having Justin in his arms and making love with him again was more than he could ever have hoped and wished for. In many ways, it was as if the past five years had never happened. Becoming so close again, physically and emotionally, they’d re-discovered that intangible connection that had always allowed them to be in tune with each others wants and needs and which, inextricably, bound them together. An instinctive connection which neither of them could accurately describe, but which existed all the same. Rediscovering and re-confirming a love that had never died. After Justin had left, it had taken Brian seemingly forever to get back to sleep properly. He had, in fact, drifted in and out for a little under an hour, once alone. For a short while on waking for the last time, he wondered if it could have been a dream after all. But then he’d rolled over and smelled the pillow and that so familiar fragrance that was Justin filled his nostrils. Brian had closed his eyes again and thanked all that he valued for bringing the younger man back to him once more. Nicholas had loved Brian, he acknowledged that. And though Brian had cared, there was none of the intensity and fire that had seemed so natural and that he’d always felt with Justin, who seemed to be able to look into Brian’s very soul; reaching him like no other man ever could and bring out the person that had sought to hide there so often, fearing discovery. A man who’d once thought himself incapable of being loved and of loving in return. A man who had never really understood the power of love, until he met that innocent, blue-eyed blond who wouldn‘t take no for an answer. And the knowledge that Justin seemed willing to forgive him the hurt he’d inflicted, would set Brian free and give him back the man he so now wanted to be once more. Brian didn’t dare think about how many chances he’d blown before, but he wouldn’t blow it this time. He’d lost Justin on far too many occasions to risk losing him again. But, God willing and who would ever have thought Brian would have called on that higher power for assistance, he would never lose him again. For Justin too, reunited with the love he’d thought was gone forever, his heart was once more filled with the joy that had been so cruelly torn away. He and Brian were two halves of the whole. Soul mates. A partnership whose love transcended time with a shared fate which had sought to bring them back together again. Surely that had to be the truth of it. Of all the schools in all the towns … and Justin had ended up here. Fate. Kismet. Destiny. To discover Brian Kinney and to be reunited. That same attraction and the overriding, all consuming need for each other that they’d felt before still existed, as strong as ever. Not just physically, but emotionally too. And even though he‘d been disappointed at the younger man‘s departure, Brian had understood Justin’s reasoning for not wanting to stay with him the entire night. At least not yet. They say truth is stranger than fiction and surely the situation they now found themselves in would rank alongside any murder mystery story and almost too incredible to believe themselves. Consequently, Brian fully appreciated Justin’s hesitancy in both of them throwing themselves back into their relationship with undue haste. Far too much had happened for that. Justin was certainly right there and maybe they both needed time to take on board exactly what they were now proposing. They still loved each other completely, neither of them could deny that. But Justin had felt betrayed by Brian’s apparent lack of trust and inability to confide in him events which would change their lives so radically and seemingly, so finally. This would be their last chance and they couldn’t afford to get it wrong this time. Neither their hearts nor sanity was strong enough for that. As it was, it had taken a huge leap of faith on Brian’s part in declaring his love for Justin all those years before. He’d opened himself up to the younger man, relying on Justin to not trample all over his emotions. It had taken a lot to eventually allow the last of those barriers to be broken down and show Justin he finally trusted him with his heart. But trust is a two way process and if he wanted to retain, or rather, regain Justin’s trust once more, then he would have to be prepared to give of himself with his entire being again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian frowned, a little impatient at the younger man’s slow progress, as he saw Justin halt just outside the main entrance doors to talk to a group of early arriving students. Getting back together and returning to where they should be may very well turn out to be as equally slow and probably difficult process too and not just through the need to regain trust. It was against school policy for teachers to become involved with each other, so they would certainly have to make sure no-one there found out; they didn‘t need any more complications than they had already. Brian watched Justin until he disappeared inside the school building, and then hurriedly drained his coffee mug before he moved to the open doorway where he waited until Justin appeared at the top of the stairs. He would have to walk past Brian’s classroom to get to his own and luckily the students he’d been talking to had turned the other way and gone to their lockers and there was no one else in the corridor. Turning towards him, Justin couldn’t help grinning when he saw Brian apparently leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe and who straightened up when he saw him. Justin couldn’t help himself, despite his good intentions to take things nice and easy. His heart skipped a beat and he found himself quickening his stride in order to reach him and Brian couldn‘t help thinking how much he‘d missed that sunshine smile. “Morning … Mr. Taylor,” grinned Brian back at him, those hazel eyes sparkling with ill-disguised joy as Justin approached. “Morning … Mr. Kennedy,” replied Justin, his own eyes shining brightly. Neither man needed to mention what had passed between them last night. They didn’t have to, they could see its meaning reflected in each other’s smile. Justin just caught himself before he addressed Brian, remembering to show caution in case any ears were within hearing distance. It wasn’t going to be easy, referring to Brian as Brogan or Mr. Kennedy while at school, but it was something Justin was going to have to get used to. “Just going for a refill,” Brian informed him, even though he made no immediate move towards the teachers’ lounge and the coffee pot and seeing the empty mug Brian was holding, the younger man nodded, declaring his understanding. Far be it for Brian to let Justin think he’d actually been waiting for him, hardly able to contain his eagerness at seeing him again, hence carrying the empty coffee mug as alibi. But somehow, Justin didn’t quite believe him and smiled to himself, he had a good idea what Brian was doing, standing there in the corridor. It would seem that the man still found it hard at times to admit his feelings, but deep down, Justin knew Brian had always loved him, despite his inability to actually bring himself to say the words and the way it usually manifested itself; rather unconventionally to say the least. “I would have called you,” stated Brian and he shrugged. Justin nodded and reaching into his pocket, produced his cell. “I don’t have your number either,” Justin told him. Reaching out, Brian placed his empty mug on a shelf just inside the classroom door in order that they could exchange cells and they entered their own numbers in the address books. “I called Gus earlier,” stated Justin quietly, as he returned Brian’s cell and then pocketed his own and he saw Brian frown. “I was up early,” answered Justin by way of explanation, so obviously he hadn’t been able to sleep much either. In fact, Justin had found it as difficult to rest as Brian and by the time he’d got home, was pretty much wide awake and had taken a while to wind down again. It wasn’t easy, it fact it was damn hard, tearing himself away from Brian after so many years without him. He’d looked so fucking beautiful, lying there asleep, when Justin had returned from his shower. But he wanted to give them both time and space to get used to their new situation, rather than leap in feet first and expect things to be as if nothing had happened. Because that just wasn’t possible. But, like Brian, he was willing, if not down right determined, to find a way through it. “Gus asked about you,” continued Justin. “He wanted to know who the nice man was that answered my cell … he asked if you were my boyfriend”. “What did you tell him?” asked Brian curiously and Justin shrugged. “I told him you were just a good friend … I didn’t want to say much more or Lindsay would be on the phone wanting to know all the gory details … and then …” “Then it wouldn’t be long until Debbie … Daphne … your mother …” Brian interrupted him and nodded his head in understanding. Any sniff right now that Justin had a boyfriend and the whole gang would be on the phone wanting to know more. It was probably going to be difficult for Justin to keep the fact that he was involved with some one a secret, as it was, even though it was hard for Brian to hear himself described by Justin as ‘just a good friend’. But that was better that most alternatives. Brian frowned and Justin wondered what was the cause. Brian caught his questioning expression. “Boyfriend, huh?” he asked him and Justin grinned at him. “Stranger things have happened,” he told him. “We never really did the boyfriend thing, did we,” stated Justin and Brian shrugged. “No,” Brian conceded. “We kinda went from no where … to making arrangements to get married.” “Yeah … I guess we did kinda miss out the middle bit,” agreed Justin. “But I wouldn’t mind giving it a try though,” he teased and he playfully grinned up at him. “You mean like … dinner and the movies,” suggested Brian, leaning against the doorframe again and now with a somewhat horrified look on his face. Even the time he was with Nicholas, they never really went out on dates, just the two of them. They were either in larger parties at functions or with Nicholas’ family or spent their time on their own at Brian or Nicholas’ apartment or on the boat. Brian and Justin used to go out for dinner on occasion of course, to somewhere other than the diner, but Brian would never admit it was a date. After all: “We need to eat, don’t we?“ he’d inform him. But now Justin looked up at him with those blue eyes that would have Brian promise him anything. “Something like that,” the blond answered him. “Ah,” nodded Brian. “You want to be wooed … you want me to woo you,” he stated, utterly bemused at the very thought that he might even be tempted to court someone; even Justin. Like any conventional couple. “Well … you can be … as wooed as you like,” Justin grinned, more broadly this time and Brian groaned and then chuckled back at him. “Don’t hold your breath, Sunshine,” he whispered, leaning in closely and the sound of that name bestowed upon him by Debbie and one that Brian had rarely used, sent a shiver down Justin’s spine. The younger man closed his eyes and shook his head. It was nice to hear that the ‘old’ Brian was still in there. Brian would have liked to continue their conversation, but students and teachers had started to come into the building and drift upstairs. Picking up his coffee mug once more, Brian began to move along the corridor and Justin fell into step beside him. “I’d like to run some things past you … some projects our joint students can work on,” suggested Brian, eager to start to spend as much time in Justin’s company as possible and the younger man nodded. “I have a free period this afternoon,” he told him and Brian nodded. “I’ll catch you after class,” and he halted as having reached Justin’s classroom, he watched as Justin let himself in. But Brian made no attempt to continue on his way and, in the doorway, Justin frowned back at him. “Weren’t you going to the lounge?” “What?” asked Brian and Justin tried not to smile. “For your refill,” and he pointed to the mug Brian was holding. “Oh … yeah,“ and Brian nodded and knew he’d probably been sprung and he half smiled at him before turning away, leaving Justin grinning to himself. But then Brian hesitated and turned back. “I guess I could run to takeout and a DVD,” he suggested and trying not to show his amusement, Justin nodded. “Sounds great to me,” he told him and Brian raised his coffee mug in salute. “Refill,” he stated and finally managing to tear himself away, he turned and headed for the teachers’ lounge. Good job no one else was watching, or they would have wondered why Mr. Kennedy had such a huge smile on his face. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pouring out his second cup of coffee, Brian’s joy started to ebb away as something painful occurred to him, something that had been reinforced when Justin informed him of his conversation with Gus. And that was the fact that Justin would never be able to let any of his family and friends back in Pittsburgh know that he was involved with someone; someone that he could never take home and introduce to everyone there, even though all of them would have been eager and thrilled to learn that he had someone in his life again. Thank god the USA was such a big country. For while Justin was in SF, with some juggling, which would unfortunately involve some untruths, then hopefully it was possible to keep both parts of his life separate from one another, even though in the future it might seem strange to anyone from back home who asked him about a boyfriend or partner and never get to meet him. When they got back on track, and both men were determined that they would, then one of them would have to find a teaching post at another school, if they were to be any way open about their relationship in their small work and social circle. They would have to make a life for themselves on the west coast, but it pained Brian to think that Justin would never be able to introduce him to his world; their shared world, back in the Pitts. But together again, Justin was Brian’s world and vice versa. They really didn’t need anyone else, though Brian knew he would never really get over not being a part of Gus’ life again, especially since the phonecall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Getting together later to plan out the schedule for the students who were including graphic art as part of their advertising and marketing course, gave both Brian and Justin a reason for spending time in each other’s company on neutral territory and concentrate on something other than themselves. Even though Justin had spent a short time as an intern at Vangard Advertising, they hadn’t really worked together before. Though Justin had commented and contributed his valued opinion and suggestions to Brian when the older man had taken work home and certainly Brian had served as a constant inspiration for Justin’s artwork. But work together, as a team and for the benefit of students whose futures depended on the marks they achieved for each element of their course, meant totally focusing on the subject in hand. Using the set curriculum and subjects to be covered, Brian had the required experience of course, he’d been doing this for a few years now. But Justin’s newly acquired knowledge and ideas brought a fresh, new approach and both of them quickly learned to regard their working partnership as equal, with each of them bringing to the table their own strengths and expertise. This first afternoon, they were able to outline the work to be set throughout the year as they saw it and which would gradually increase in difficulty and hopefully bringing the students up to the required standard in time for their examinations, though leaving enough room for tailoring if required. Following sessions would need Brian and Justin to decide, in more in depth, exactly what each element should contain. Then, at the end of the course, the students would be given an item or commodity and expected to create a short advertising campaign, devise and build their own graphics display and give a presentation, using the technology at their disposal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I think we earned that takeout,” sighed Justin with feeling. They’d come to the end of their session and he eased his spine and then leaned back in his chair and away from the computer and Brian nodded in agreement. He tilted his head from side to side to try and remove the crick in his neck. After they’d talked everything through, they‘d been hunched over the computer for quite a while as Justin demonstrated to Brian the sort of presentation he would expect the students to be able to produce at the end of their course. Brian then asked Justin what he could do and while the younger man was a little reluctant at first, he quickly had something dancing all over the pc screen. “I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to do this … not first time round … but give them a little time …“ “With you as their teacher, I’m sure they’ll soon be up to speed,“ stated Brian, obviously impressed by the younger man’s expertise. He’d enjoyed spending the last few hours in Justin’s company, even though it was work focused, but he was glad that the session had come to a satisfying conclusion. Justin grinned at him; Brian’s praise had always meant a lot to him and they‘d spent the last three hours in Justin’s classroom discussing the syllabus and possible alternatives for the students. And, to both their gratitude, found they worked exceedingly well together. “I’m starving,” announced Justin, as he powered down the computer while Brian tidied up the paperwork and notes they’d made. “Well … you just have to decide what you want,” Brian told him. “Thai … Italian … Chinese?” “Tell you what … you decide for me … I’ll bring the DVD”, stated Justin and Brian frowned. “Hope it’s something we both like,” he told him and Justin smiled again. “Oh … I’m sure I can find something suitable.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Privates of the Caribbean?” asked Brian as he took the DVD from Justin and studied the cover. Justin followed his nose to the kitchen counter where the takeout had just been placed. The timing couldn’t have been better, they’d agreed to eat at Brian’s and Justin had passed the delivery boy on the stairs. “This looks good,” stated Justin as he started to open up the cartons and he looked around for plates and cutlery. “Well … you said get something we’d both like …” “Since when did Blockbuster stock gay porn?” Brian asked him. “You have to know where to look.“ Discovering the items he was searching for, Justin knowingly grinned over at him. More like you have to know who to ask, concluded Brian and decided to leave it at that. Besides, he was betting on not seeing too much of the movie and hoped Justin had similar intentions. Justin had asked the guy in the store what he recommended and it didn’t take too long for them to reach an understanding of his meaning and the sales guy had nodded knowingly and headed into a back room. “For my more discerning customers,” he told Justin as he slid the plain brown bag across the counter. Justin picked it up and took a look inside. He grinned as he handed over the money, not caring about the additional ‘commission’ charged by the young man who’d served him. Watching Justin take the plates from the cupboard, Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and tried not to get his hopes up too much. The younger man looked so at home and he hoped it wouldn’t be long before doing this every day became the norm. He never thought he’d ever want any kind of domesticity and certainly it had never really felt like that with Nicholas. But with Justin, it all seemed to fall so naturally into place. Like it was meant to be. And hopefully, Justin felt so too. Putting down the DVD and going to the ‘fridge, Brian pulled out a bottle of wine. Nothing fancy, he couldn’t afford expensive wines these days, but it was acceptable and he retrieved two glasses from a kitchen cupboard. “Table or sofa?” asked Brian and he caught the sideways glance Justin gave him. “To eat,” confirmed Brian as Justin obviously had other ideas and the younger man gave him yet another mischievous glance. “I meant dinner … you did say you were starving … and that was hours ago.” “Sofa … I am,” admitted Justin and he proceeded to pick up the plates and cartons and began to carry things to the coffee table and when both of them were seated, Brian started to pour the wine as Justin began to dish out dinner. “Aren’t you going to put on the movie?” asked Justin and Brian frowned. “Not sure my stomach can take it … while we’re eating,” he admitted and Justin chuckled. “Brian Kinney turning down the opportunity to watch gay porn?” asked Justin in disbelief and Brian strained as Justin mumbled something under his breath; something he knew Brian would pick up on. “Are you saying I’m getting too old to appreciate it?” asked Brian in mock insult and Justin shrugged as he picked up his glass of wine from the coffee table and took a swallow. “You said it,” Justin informed him and Brian sighed, put down the plate he’d only just picked up and retrieving the DVD from the kitchen counter, went over to the player and inserted it and then turned on the TV. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With fork mid way between plate and lips, Justin screwed up his face and groaned; Brian chuckled in triumph. “Told you so,” and reaching for the remote, Brian turned off the TV. “That’s definitely one for later,” Justin informed him as he tried to return his concentration back to his meal and fight down a shudder. Brian had already finished and helped himself to some more wine and topped up Justin’s glass. “Well … I for one have never needed pornography as stimulation,” stated Brian and he took a sip of his wine and stretched his free arm out along the top of the sofa; almost touching the younger man. In the classroom, Brian had work to distract him. Here, there was no distraction, other than Justin himself of course and it was beginning to get a little hard to concentrate on anything else. Very hard, in fact. Especially when Brian couldn‘t help thinking about what they‘d done last night. Justin chuckled. “That’s for sure,” and glancing over at him, Justin couldn’t ignore the tell tale bulge in Brian’s jeans; straining against the material, the same as he was now beginning to experience as gently, Brian’s hand caught him at the back of his neck, rubbing him there and Justin groaned again, but this time with pleasure and acknowledging that no matter his intentions, Brian would always have this effect on him. Still with one hand at the nape of Justin’s neck, with the other Brian leaned out and placed his glass on the coffee table. Then he took the plate from Justin’s hands and placed it alongside his own. Brian eased himself closer and Justin leaned back against the sofa, welcoming Brian’s advance and reaching across, his nimble fingers found the swelling he was looking for. “We forgot dessert,” whispered Brian, his breath hot against Justin’s cheek and the younger man grinned as he turned to face him; looking into Brian’s eyes as he found the button. “Oh … I’m sure we can rustle something up,” came Justin’s reply. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin hadn’t planned on staying the night. He’d still intended to take things slow and give them time to get to know each other again. But in all honesty, he really knew everything he needed to know about Brian Kinney, even if he was trying to live as someone else; but a little more of the Brian he used to know was becoming more evident every day. When Justin woke, he came wide awake. It was still early, but the sun had been up for a couple of hours; the late summer sunshine streaming in through the windows. Justin glanced over at Brian. He still couldn’t quite get used to seeing him with a beard, but it certainly did suit him. Despite the recent haircut, Brian’s fringe was still a little long and in his sleep, had fallen over his forehead. Without thinking, Justin reached out and gently pushed the man’s hair away from his eyes. Brian stirred under Justin’s touch, but only slightly, shifting his position a little as Justin pulled away, glad not to have woken him. Like yesterday morning, Brian still looked so damn beautiful. Not immediately realizing what he was doing as he watched the older man‘s bare chest rise and fall, it started to seep into Justin’s brain that he was flexing his fingers. His hand was itching; literally itching to draw and still naked himself, Justin carefully got off the bed and left the bedroom area to find something to draw with. Finding what he was looking for on Brian’s desk, Justin returned to the bedroom and sat down at the end of the bed. How many times had he drawn Brian, wondered Justin. It had to be dozens, no, hundreds of times over the years that he’d known him and with a skill that came to him so naturally, it wasn’t very long before yet another beautiful pencil drawing of a naked, sleeping Brian was complete. And while Justin’s hand was beginning to cramp, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it might be. He’d done just a couple of quick drawings lately, both in Brian’s class. But this one, he’d taken longer over and after all the time and not drawing at all, it was actually beginning to feel good. Putting the drawing down, Justin sighed. For all Brian’s faults and insecurities, Justin had always been able to see beneath the façade to the man who existed beneath and something told Justin he wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer. And that despite everything, this was still the man he’d fallen in love with, all those years ago; ten years ago in fact. And so many of those years wasted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin looked at the clock. It was still early, and there was time before school to go back home to change. Turning up in the same clothes as he’d worn the day before was bound to raise suspicions. He’d taken a quick shower and grabbed Brian’s robe from the back of the bathroom door. It swamped him of course, as it always had, but he turned up the sleeves and pulled the belt in tightly. He’d been tempted to wake the sleeping beauty, but decided against it, knowing what it was bound to lead to. He’d already ended up staying the night when he hadn’t meant to and he was still trying to play it cool, right? Justin sighed and shook his head. That was turning out a lot more difficult than he’d intended. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hearing the clinking of china and the sound of water running from the tap, Brian slowly came to. Propping himself up on one elbow, he looked across the room and out onto the small kitchen area and squinted through the sunlight. Once his eyes were focused, Brian smiled to himself as he watched Justin putter around the kitchen and realizing the younger man had stayed all night this time. He was obviously making breakfast as Brian could clearly smell the freshly made coffee and couldn’t help feeling concerned and then visibly smiling when he heard the “Ouch!” from Justin as he almost burned his fingers on the toast. In the borrowed robe, he was still blond and beautiful and still looked like the 17 year old kid trying to impress him. Seeing Brian stir as he approached the bed carrying the tray, Justin smiled at him and the words came out before Brian had time to think. “You know … we could do this … all the time,” and as suddenly as he’d said them, Brian closed his eyes and cursed his recklessness at the obvious suggestion that Justin move in. But his comment was met with a chuckle, not derision or outright rejection. “We’re not lesbians,” stated Justin, as he placed the tray on the bed and Brian frowned. “Meaning?” “You know how it goes …. what does a lesbian do on the second date?” asked Justin and Brian nodded. “Move in … but we’re not lesbians …” “No … exactly,“ stated Justin. “But as far as everyone here is concerned … we’re strangers … we’ve only just met.” “How’s it gonna look if we suddenly move in together?” Brian nodded and sighed and then, on realization, he rolled his lips into his mouth before stating: “You didn’t exactly say no,” and he watched the expression on Justin’s face to see what he could pick up. Justin reached out for one of the coffee mugs, which he handed to Brian, before picking up the other. “No … I didn’t,” agreed the younger man after the shortest of hesitations. “Then you’re not against the idea,” fished Brian before he blew on his hot coffee, unable to hide the nervousness in his voice. Justin shrugged. “I guess not … but …” Justin sighed. “I’d still like to leave it a little longer.” “Do you still doubt me?” asked Brian and he saw Justin look down into his own coffee mug. Brian’s stomach flipped at the younger man‘s seemingly reluctance to reply, but Justin merely wanted to make sure he was answering from the heart. “No,” stated Justin. “I know that you believe you did what you had to do … that as far as you were concerned … you were putting mine and Gus’ safety before your own.” “How can I doubt you wanted the best for me … as you saw it?” stated Justin and Brian smiled for a few seconds, before it faded. “You can trust me, Justin,” stated Brian sincerely and Justin nodded. “Don’t you think it may be more the case that … you can trust me?” asked Justin and Brian closed his eyes and sighed. “I know you have trust issues … that you grew up believing you were the only person you could rely on,” stated Justin. “But that changed … or at least it should have … when we became a partnership.” Justin knew that trust was something that Brian would probably always struggle with; growing up, he’d been let down by the people who should have cared for him the most and it was totally understandable that trusting someone from then on wouldn’t come easy. Trust and control. Two really big issues for Brian. And being in love to him had meant relinquishing that control. He’d been terrified that his emotions would get the better of him and reveal his vulnerabilities. Until Justin had come along and taught him that it was possible to fall in love and that being in control wasn‘t always necessary and that it didn‘t hurt to feel free of it once in a while. Especially when you fall in love with someone who knew how fragile he really was and how easily he bruised. And loved him for all his faults and failings. Brian nodded. “I know I should have trusted you … but everything happened so quickly … I had so little time to decide what to do.” “Maybe …” and Brian sighed. “Maybe it was the wrong decision … but once I made it … there was no going back,” shrugged Brian. “I had to live with it … and the consequences”. “I know,” answered Justin. “And I know it couldn’t have been easy to make a decision like that.” “I just wish it had never happened … if I’d never gotten involved with Stockwell …” and Brian leaned his head back on the pillow; cursing the day he thought that Stockwell might have been his meal ticket out of the Pitts. “If you hadn’t … even without you on his campaign … he could have wound up Mayor,” Justin pointed out to him. “And that would’ve meant it wasn’t just you and me he affected … but the whole community … our community.” “What’s done is done … there’s no going back,” shrugged Justin. “There’s no point in wondering what might have happened … we just have to deal with what did.” Echoes of no apologies and no regrets, maybe? Brian opened his eyes. “When did you get to be so wise?” he asked him and Justin smiled. “I was always wise,” stated the younger man with a smile and Brian nodded. Brian placed his coffee mug on the nightstand. Something laying on the bed had caught his eye and reaching out, he picked up the sheet of paper. He chuckled quietly. “How the years have flown … not quite the same figure as the picture you first drew of me … “ “The one you bought you mean,” answered Justin and Brian couldn’t help smiling. Justin’s first art sale, even if the proceeds had gone to charity. And when he’d eventually found out who it was who’d bought it, Justin wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed with Brian or not. But deep down he knew Brian just had to have it; there was no way the older man ever wanted anyone else to own that particular piece of Justin Taylor artwork. That knowledge had meant everything to Justin and it should have told him then, that the man loved him already, but he just didn‘t know it. And that drawing meant more to Brian than he would ever let on. Leaning across, Justin placed his coffee mug next to Brian’s and took the latest drawing from him. “Well … you haven’t changed … not really,” he stated, studying his work. “You’re still the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” stated Justin quietly, and with a sincerity and love so strong in his voice, Brian couldn’t fail to miss it. “You’re not so bad yourself, Sunshine,” smiled Brian, those hazel eyes sparkling, but tinged with a hint of sadness. Brian could clearly remember when he first realized why it was Debbie bestowed Justin with that particular nickname. It was after the bashing. They’d walked back to the Jeep, dancing, kissing. Justin had grinned and said ‘Later’ with a hint of promise of what they’d both hoped would follow. The mother of Brian’s boyhood friend had, of course, been referring to that wonderful smile of Justin’s. The same smile that had illuminated that dimly lit parking lot before the event that would shape their lives forever. But Brian had never forgotten that smile. And wasn’t it the truth that the younger man had indeed brought some much needed light into what had been a rather dark existence that Brian had been living in, inside those barriers. “I wish you’d consider taking up art again,” stated Brian, sincerely, but Justin shook his head. “Don’t go there …” answered Justin, but looking at the younger man’s face and hearing his voice, Brian thought he could detect a note of wistfulness in his reply. The first time he’d seemed to allow himself any regrets that he hadn’t pursued his art but had taken up teaching instead. But Brian didn’t like to push it. Brian stretched out, picked up the tray and placed it on the floor, discarding their breakfast. Quickly and without warning, he caught Justin’s wrist. Justin dropped the drawing he’d been holding in his other hand and suddenly, all his intentions of restraint went flying out the window. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the end, they’d had to rush, and after Justin took his second shower, this one with Brian, which of course delayed them even further, he just had enough time to go back to his own apartment and quickly change. But that was only because Brian drove him there and waited for him, but then he dropped him off a five minute walk from school, so it wouldn’t look like they’d arrived together. If anyone saw the exchanges neither man could help making whenever they were in each other‘s company during the day; the eye contact surely giving them away across the teachers’ lounge, nothing was said. Michelle had caught the unspoken messages and guessed of course, even before she saw how Justin grinned at her when she mentioned: ‘You and Brogan seem to be getting on like a house on fire …” She’d had her suspicions that there might already be fireworks between the pair of them since the man had asked her for Justin’s address. “You could say that,” Justin had told her, trying not to grin, though she could see it in his eyes. Michelle had nodded and moved in close enough to whisper in his ear. “That hot, huh?” and Justin’s non-answer but mischievous chuckle had surely given him away once and for all. And it wasn’t long before their shared students and most of the teachers, could see that obviously Mr. Kennedy and Mr. Taylor were getting along just fine. In fact, Dean Millar positively congratulated himself for appointing Justin and in promoting a close working relationship between the two men. Thankfully, he hadn’t realized just how close. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Over the next few weeks, increasingly spending more time working together on projects for their joint students, the easy and obvious rapport between the two men was growing rapidly and ever more obvious. But their working partnership also brought forth a high level of commitment from their students, who appreciated the efforts both teachers were putting in on their behalf. And, when their teachers were occasionally caught off guard, it was pretty clear to those students just how close the two men were. But woe betide anyone who might speak out against them; there was a group of very loyal young people prepared to front up to just about anyone in their defense. And, so far, Dean Millar was blissfully ignorant. With Justin back in his life, Brian couldn’t ever imagine living without him ever again and, when he’d caught him drawing, as the younger man had started to do more often, Brian didn’t say anything, but was ever thankful that Justin had begun to use his god given talent at last and hoped that he’d eventually change his mind about exploring his talent further. Indeed, being around Brian again and realizing just how much he was in love with the man once more, Justin’s creativity levels soared even higher. He was spending an ever increasing amount of time drawing and even though his hand cramped up now and again as he used the skills it took to create ever more beautiful creations, he still persisted. Though he was still trying to convince himself it was purely recreational. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The semester was in full swing and even though the two men were spending more and more time in each other’s company, they still didn’t live together on a full time basis. Though Justin would have to move eventually and certainly before Christmas, as the school would only pay for his rent for the first few months, and the one they’d provided wasn’t really the sort of apartment he would chose for himself to live in permanently. At the back of his mind, Brian was still hoping Justin would move in, but he hadn’t mentioned it again; Brian didn’t want to belabor the subject or pressurize Justin into making any decisions. He had to move in only when and if, he was ready to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With the new semester came the usual start of practice for the school soccer team and as in recent years, Mr. Kennedy was called upon to help coach and choose new players. With Brian occupied out on the soccer field, Justin stayed on to work on forthcoming lessons or sometimes became absorbed in a piece of artwork. Their relationship was still unofficial, and would have to stay that way if they both wanted to continue at the same school for the moment. Later, Brian called Justin on his cell to tell him he was ready to leave and Justin packed up his things and started to walk the route back to his place and Brian would pick him up on the road to avoid detection. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The previous evening they’d gone shopping at a market local to Justin, avoiding the closest one to the school and possible discovery and now, while Brian cooked the steaks, Justin prepared the salad. They were both pretty hungry when they’d arrived at the apartment and headed straight for the kitchen. Justin had always enjoyed cooking and Brian now cooked for himself more often than he used to, not being able to afford takeouts or restaurant eating as much and he actually found he enjoyed it. The atmosphere between them was relaxed and congenial, which was just as well owing to the subject that Justin had wanted to discuss with Brian once they were on their own. “Mom called me earlier,” stated Justin as he washed the salad. “How is she?” asked Brian from over at the stove and Justin nodded. “Great … I hate to admit it … but Tucker has been good for her … and Molly.” Brian and Justin had had several conversations about the folks back home and how all their lives had turned out. Even though he’d found it hard, Brian had asked everything he could possibly think of about Gus and Justin tried to fill in all those missing years as best he could without obviously upsetting the man even more. And the conversation Justin had with Jennifer that afternoon had been about their extended family. “Mom asked if I was coming home for Thanksgiving,” stated Justin and Brian frowned. True, it would only be a quick visit, but the very thought of being separated from Justin for even that short amount of time made Brian’s heart sink. “What did you say?” Brian asked him and Justin put the salad in a bowl and dried his hands. “I said I’d go,” stated Justin and Brian nodded, though he didn‘t look up. “I traded Thanksgiving for Christmas,” Justin told him and he saw Brian’s eye lashes flutter as the man processed this piece of information. Though Brian had never been big on celebrations for something that hadn’t been earned, the thought of not having Justin with him for probably the biggest celebration, or at least probably the most emotive of the year, was inconceivable. Being drawn ever closer to Brian again, Justin wasn’t sure he could bear to be parted from him for the Christmas holidays even though he was looking forward to seeing his mom and everyone else again. And, when pressed by Jennifer, Justin had said he’d come home for Thanksgiving, but would stay in SF for Christmas and New Year. “That’s wonderful, dear,” Jennifer had told him, although she was obviously a little disappointed at her son‘s decision and missing out on Christmas, but Thanksgiving would do nicely. “I’m so looking forward to seeing you again … we all are …” While it looked like they’d end up going to Debbie’s again for Christmas dinner as they‘d tended to do for some years now, Jennifer had organized that it would just be the immediate family for Thanksgiving; her, Justin, Tucker and Molly. Molly now seemed to have a serious boyfriend, Steven, who Justin had yet to meet, but that young man would have Thanksgiving dinner with his own family. It still hurt Justin that his father appeared to not want to play any part at all in his son’s life, but if that’s how the man wanted it, then it was his loss and he wouldn’t be included in Justin‘s plans for Thanksgiving at all. “You know you can bring someone with you … don’t you, Justin?” stated Jennifer and Justin had closed his eyes. If only he could take Brian home. God, there’d be some explaining to do. But how wonderful it would be for him to be able to go back there again and see their family and friends. In the end, Justin had tried not to lie. “It’ll just be me, Mom,” he told her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Is that all you’re taking with you?” asked Brian, as he took the holdall from Justin and placed it in the trunk of his car. Though they were spending more complete nights together at either of their apartments, Justin had returned home from Brian’s in the early hours to finish packing and Brian had offered to take him to the airport and had picked him up in good time for checking in. Having passed the bag over, Justin hesitated before answering, knowing that often what you heard Brian say, wasn’t necessarily what the man was asking. “Yeah … that’s all I’m taking,” confirmed Justin, looking right at him and knowing the real question Brian was asking him was whether or not he was coming back. And Justin saw Brian blink and look away as he took on board the unspoken promise. He hated to admit it, but lying there alone and in the dark after Justin left, had left Brian far too much time for thinking. What if the younger man decided to stay in the Pitts after all? “I’ll only be gone a coupla days,” stated Justin in disguised reassurance and he saw the man smile faintly and obviously a little uncomfortable at having doubted him. Brian then headed for the airport, but went no further than the dropping off zone; both of them hating goodbyes, even though it was going to be the shortest of partings. And both men had prolonged the kiss in the car until the oxygen ran out and they were forced up for air. Until Brian had asked about his luggage, it hadn’t even occurred to Justin that he might not come back to San Francisco. He liked the school and he was enjoying teaching, but he was beginning to understand that Brian might be getting a little frustrated at his refusal to yet commit 100%. At the back of his mind and in the secret recesses of his heart, Justin knew it wouldn’t be long until he agreed to move in with Brian and wasn’t really sure what was still holding him back. He knew the man loved him and had only wanted what he thought was best for him, but his heart had been broken when he’d thought Brian had died and no matter how much Justin loved him, it still hurt that the older man hadn’t been able to trust him completely. Maybe now knowing the man was alive and spending a few days away from Brian over Thanksgiving would actually help Justin come to terms with the past and finally put it away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The plane was delayed by fog and arriving late the evening before Thanksgiving, Justin had no time to catch up with anyone other than Jennifer, Tucker and Molly. The following day, the celebration dinner was pleasant and comfortable, though Justin had to fend off several questions about his lovelife, especially from Molly and countered with questions of her and Steven, much to her annoyance in front of their mother. But Justin basically let everyone think he was just enjoying himself, playing the field: telling his mom of course that he WAS being careful. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Of course all the gang were aware he was back and several of them had called him, so the next day, along with his mom and Tucker, Justin headed for Debbie’s, where everyone else was gathered, while Molly spent time with Steven. Daphne’s shift at the hospital prevented her from joining them until later. But she was loving her work and for the moment, all thoughts of a boyfriend was put on the back burner. Arriving at Debbie’s, Justin was surprised to learn that she had finally retired, as had Carl, a couple of years previously and the man had shaken his hand and asked how he was doing. It felt as if Justin had been gone for years instead of a few months and everyone wanted to hear about the school and how he was getting on and Justin managed to field all their questions successfully, and generally turning the conversation around to how they were all fairing instead. Emmett’s party planning business had been a huge success and he was doing very well in fact. His office at Kinnetik had helped him get more organized and he’d gone from strength to strength, now having several permanent employees and had attracted a rather impressive client base and adding new ones all the time. His relationship with Drew seemed pretty permanent and they were considering buying a property together as Emmett could now afford his half of the payments. Kinnetik, and Ted and Cynthia, were doing equally as well. Cynthia’s lovelife had improved of late and she was currently seeing the CEO of one of Emmett’s customers that she’d met when he’d given his business a formal five-year celebration and they seemed pretty serious. Ted and Blake were, well, Ted and Blake. Comfortable and steady. No surprises, but still as much in love as ever. Lindsay and Donna’s relationship seemed to have blossomed and the kids got along beautifully and now regarded themselves as brother and sister. Lindsay occasionally heard from Michael how Melanie and Jenny Rebecca were doing, but they had no direct contact. Michael and Ben were equally as happy, down in suburbia, but with Hunter now studying performing arts, they weren’t seeing too much of him at the moment. Jennifer and Tucker had also been invited to Debbie’s. Jennifer’s real estate business was doing pretty well, though the housing market had been struggling recently. Tucker was now Deputy Principal and expected to be Principal one day, so basically, they were pretty much set up. Molly, having headed for Steven’s for the day, would catch up with Justin again before his flight back to SF. There were heavy hints, although nothing had yet been said outright, but Jennifer had the feeling that a Christmas engagement was on the cards. Another customer for Emmett, no doubt! Debbie’s house, as usual, heaved with people, but even while he was happily chatting to the gang, Justin realized he was missing Brian, as the older man did him and Brian couldn’t resist calling him out of the blue. Justin flipped open his cell and quickly stepped away from Michael and Ben. He’d momentarily forgotten about the caller ID and ‘BRIAN’ had lit up on the screen and made his heart miss a beat. “You have to call me now?” he asked him quietly, only mildly exasperated but pleased to hear the other man’s voice and he turned his back on the crowd. His movement didn’t go unnoticed, however, and there was now plenty of conjecture as to whom Justin might be speaking with. A secret love in San Francisco maybe? All ears were on red alert. “Why? Are you doing something I should know about?” the older man chuckled back at him, but then he clearly heard Debbie’s unmistakable voice in the background, calling out from the kitchen and asking who wanted turkey sandwiches, determined everyone should eat up all of yesterday’s leftovers despite the fact that lunch was only an hour or so ago. “Ah,” stated Brian once he’d realized where Justin had to be, and he couldn’t resist asking who was there with him. “Pretty much everyone,” Justin whispered back to him. “Then I won’t keep you,” Brian told him. “I just wanted to ring and say hi.” “Hi back,” smiled Justin, forgetting for a moment where he was. “But I better go … and I’ll be back around dinner time tomorrow.” Signing off, Justin looked up and, when he did, Emmett was heading across the room and grinning at him. “No need to say anything,” Emmett whispered to him. “One whiff that you have a man in your life and everyone will want details,” he admitted. But then in the next breath: “So … what’s he like?“ Successfully directing Emmett away from answering questions on his lovelife by asking how the business was doing, Justin breathed a sigh of relief when Drew called out, asking if either of them wanted more drinks, which Emmett went to organize. Justin looked across the room to where Gus was happily chatting with Lindsay, Ted and Blake. Justin was still holding his cell and now using the camera facility, couldn’t help capturing the image. A couple of moments later, the picture was winging its way across the ether. Justin smiled to himself and then, looking round, found himself locking his gaze with Carl’s. With Debbie having gone into full mom-mode again, the man was standing on his own for a moment and watching him. He now smiled at Justin and acknowledged him from across the room. “What should I say to Carl?” Justin had asked Brian before he’d left, knowing the retired police Lieutenant had been involved with Brian’s disappearance. Brian had shrugged. “You don’t have to say anything … if you don’t want to,“ he’d answered him. “Justin,” Carl smiled at him and pocketing his cell, Justin approached and the younger man quickly looked around him. Carl looked a little uncomfortable at his actions, as Justin was obviously checking that no one was in hearing distance. “Brian sends his best,” Justin told him quietly and Carl automatically quickly looked around the room also. Equally happy that no one could overhear them, he nodded and smiled. But taking no chances, he took Justin by the elbow and the older man steered him into the corner of the room and even further away from enquiring ears and eyes. “How’s he doing?” asked Carl sincerely and Justin nodded. “Good … yeah … good,” Justin told him. “And the two of you?” “You back together?” Justin sighed. “Almost,” he answered him eventually and he saw Carl frown. “It hasn’t been easy … forgetting what happened … what he put me through … feigning death like that,” explained Justin and Carl nodded. “For what it’s worth … I don’t think it was exactly easy for Brian either,” countered Carl, surprising Justin a little with the man’s defense of Brian, but Justin nodded in acknowledgement. “I know,” he told him, but Carl put a hand on Justin’s arm. “Do you?” he asked him and Justin frowned at him. “I saw him a coupla times in the last few days leading up … leading up to it all,” Carl continued. “I know he was difficult to read sometimes … no … make that all the time,” decided Carl. “But I’d bet my pension he was in pieces … underneath it all.” “Then why didn’t I see that?” asked Justin, almost accusingly. But having thought about it previously, Justin had already concluded that Brian had seemed overly emotional at that time and had difficulty in hiding it. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” stated Carl. “But you were pretty much caught up in all the wedding arrangements … you weren’t looking for anything to be wrong.” “But when I was told what was gonna happen and what I was asked to do … we had a coupla conversations … “ “I’m not sure it had really sunk in with him … what he was doing and leaving behind … that or he didn’t dare think about it … and admit to himself what it would mean to leave.“ Justin raised an eyebrow, thinking that Carl’s observations were probably spot on. “But he really believed he had no choice … he had to leave to protect you … maybe even save your life … I could tell that much.” “I know,” sighed Justin, and he had accepted that fact. But it actually helped to hear someone else say it too; someone with no axe to grind. “He loves you, Justin.” “And he was prepared to do anything he had to … to keep you safe,” Carl told him, now no longer finding it all too embarrassing at discussing such topics as two men being in love with each other, as he undoubtedly had when he’d first got together with Debbie. The man might still ‘not get it’ as he’d once admitted. But he now totally believed in the right to be with whomever you wanted to; regardless of gender or sexuality, respecting the community he now lived amongst and gaining their respect in return. Justin nodded and smiled in acknowledgment. It would seem he had some thinking to do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After his quick conversation with Justin, Brian closed his cell and took his glass of wine to the window. Thanksgiving dinner yesterday for Brian had consisted of Thai takeout and alcohol, with the leftover food re-heated today. Brian looked around the apartment. Even though Justin had yet to move in and Brian was still trying not to take that for granted, the place suddenly felt empty without him there, leaving Brian feeling alone and reminding him of how it had been during the first months after the move out west. Suddenly, the cell rang again, shaking him out of his day dreaming. This time it was Justin ringing him, but no message, just a photograph attached. Slowly, Brian sat down on the sofa and studied the picture and smiled. My, how his son was growing, seemingly every day. He was becoming quite the young man now. He was obviously well and happy, but that didn’t take the pain away from not being there with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Though they’d spoken on the phone when Justin was alone, the few days the two men were apart seemed to drag on forever. Brian said he’d collect Justin from the airport and was waiting at their agreed meeting place. Approaching the car, Justin couldn’t help seeing that Brian appeared to be ‘miles away’ and that whatever was occupying his thoughts was troubling him deeply. Justin hesitated. Brian was in profile and his expression had a strange haunting look that Justin found so beautiful and yet so devastating at the same time, knowing how Brian put himself through so many different kinds of hell with the self-doubts he harbored but was so reluctant to admit. A man who on the surface had, in the past, seemed so self-assured and self-absorbed and consequently misjudged by many. But then movement from the corner of his eye as Justin continued his approach, caught Brian’s attention and, upon seeing the younger man, brought a huge smile, together with a huge sigh of relief. Even though on his departure Justin had sought to reassure him, at the back of his mind, Brian had indeed habored fears that Justin would decide not to come back after all. Sitting there, waiting for him, Brian couldn’t help fearing that the younger man might have enjoyed his trip back to Pittsburgh enough to want to return there permanently. That maybe, after all, he’d hurt him so much that he could never quite forgive him. But now looking at the broad smile on Justin’s face told Brian just how glad he was to be back. “Can we swing by my place?” asked Justin, after a particularly mouth crushing kiss that almost steamed up the car windows. “Sure … I thought you’d want to go home anyhow,” shrugged Brian and Justin nodded. “I do … and I hope you’ve got room in your drawers,” he told him, keeping his gaze steady on Brian’s slightly frowning hazel eyes. But the grin that spread across Brian’s face as realization dawned, told Justin precisely how happy the man was to be asked that particular question. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The fact that the rent was running out on Justin’s apartment that the school was paying for didn‘t even register with him. But his conversation with Carl had only served to reinforce what he really knew all along. There was no use fighting it any longer, it simply didn’t make sense. He’d fallen in love with Brian all over again, if indeed he‘d ever really fallen out of love with the man. Brian wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with Brian; a realization confirmed when he’d admitted how much he’d missed him and how his heart skipped a beat to see him waiting for him. So what was the point in putting it off? They loved each other more than anything in the world and would do anything to protect the other. And they’d lost far too much time already. It wasn’t a case of forgiving him, it was more understanding where he was coming from and why. So, without any real discussion in the end, Brian helped Justin move his belongings into his apartment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Oh god … I just thought of something,” announced Justin as he closed the closet door after hanging up the last of his clothes and he turned to face Brian, who was sitting watching him from the bed. “Our personal files at the school will show the same address.” “Michelle’s bound to know I’ve moved out … especially as the lease will be running out soon.” “If the Dean finds out … one of us will have to leave.” “So what … would that matter so much … there‘s other schools … some pretty close by,” stated Brian and Justin shrugged as he sat down beside him. “No … I guess not.” “Or I could always actually get a job as a graphic artist …” “You’d do that?” asked Brian, surprised and pleased that Justin suggested he might actually change careers if it was necessary. “Sure … why not?” answered Justin. “If that’s what it took.” “Would you mind if people found out about us … out here I mean?” continued Brian and reaching out, Justin placed his hand on Brian’s knee and squeezed it. “No … of course not … after all … we are in the gay capital of the western world,” he answered him and Brian grinned as Justin’s grip on his knee had an immediate effect on another part of his anatomy. “Then … I think we should celebrate your moving in …” the older man told him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Teaching was hardly a career choice that Justin had ever imagined for Brian, but in fact the man was damn good at in and thinking about it, Brian had been teaching Justin all the time they’d known each other. Whether it was to think like a man and to make decisions and take responsibility for himself or showing him there were other forms in which to express his art and not to give up. And with Justin teaching Brian how to love, they’d both taught each other and had learned from the other man. Twelve years may separate them timewise, but emotionally, they were the same age. They were and always would be, each other’s first and only true love, even if others had intruded occasionally somewhere along the line. But who in the end would only serve to reinforce how much Brian and Justin were meant to be together and how much love they shared. Justin was Brian’s soul mate, as Brian was Justin’s. They knew that without any doubt whatsoever and thanked the powers that be with all their hearts for bringing them back together again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian knew he’d never been more content. He and Justin had more or less stumbled into an engagement following the bombing of Babylon. And though he would never regret asking the younger man to marry him back then, this time, coming back together again, it had, if at all possible, made him feel even more happier and complete than before. Initially, five years before, Justin had feared that Brian’s proposal of marriage was a knee-jerk reaction to the carnage at the club until he was persuaded otherwise. But rejoining with him, this time there were no doubts in Justin’s mind at all that he shouldn’t be with him, or that Brian had any qualms himself about Justin moving in with him again, on a permanent basis. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I’ve got a free period this morning,” Justin told Brian over the first coffee of the day. “I’d like to go into town and pick up some art supplies … can I borrow the car?” “I can drop you off first.” “Sure,” answered Brian and from the other side of the kitchen counter he picked up the keys and tossed them to him. With just ten days now before Christmas, they’d so far still managed to keep their relationship to themselves. Not that they were hiding it particularly, but no one had asked them outright and they hadn’t volunteered anything. Except Michelle of course. It was always going to be difficult keeping anything from her, Justin realized. Not that he minded. He and Michelle continued to be friends and regularly chatted and she was very happy for them both. Justin loved the life he now had with Brian. He loved his job and the way they could still make love and not necessarily say anything; their bodies doing the talking for them. Justin was pretty certain that part of their relationship would never change. They weren’t just in love, each man fancied the pants off the other too and they could literally never get enough of each other. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having set off for school, without thinking, Justin drew up practically to the gates. But even so, there was no way Brian was going to let him go without giving him a kiss first. “Have a nice day at the office dear,” stated Justin, as Brian opened the car door to get out. “Oh I will … dear,” emphasized Brian in return, only slightly mockingly. Terms of endearment had never been their ‘thing’ at all. Somehow, they just didn’t seem to need them. “Oh … and while I think of it … I’m gonna be late tonight … it’s soccer practice,” Brian told him through the partly open car window and Justin smiled over at him. “Then I’ll cook,” offered Justin and he put the car into gear. Later,” the younger man smiled at him and Brian hesitated momentarily. “Later,” came the quiet reply and straightening up, Brian watched as Justin continued to smile and then moved off. He probably hadn’t even realized he’d slipped into that so familiar salutation, surmised Brian as he watched him go, but the comfort of hearing and repeating that simple word sent a warm glow flowing through him. Later. Such an innocuous word by itself. But it conveyed so much. Later. A promise of returning; of picking up where you’ve left off. A unpromised pledge for the continuance in their shared commitment of life together, as it should be. The word had slipped out so easily, but after he’d said it, Justin too realized how comforting it felt to say it and what it represented. The last five years, with all its pain and uncertainty could never be forgotten, by either of them. But there comes a time when you have to seek closure of events in order to be able to move on into a future without doubt or regrets. Or any barriers or bones of contention between them. Drawing a line under the past five years and living together as a couple, though the circumstances that parted them and the separation could never be dismissed or forgotten, it also didn’t need continually mentioning or raking over. Both men knew exactly what had happened and understood the consequences. But what was more important was now and the future. But suddenly, merely a few days before Christmas, the future started to look a whole lot more uncertain again. To be continued. With many thanks to Judy, Lois, Pat, Richard & Elsa for your continued support. Julia