I Dream of Justin Chapter 2: Brian frowned as he looked at the bottle. The loft, with its clean lines and minimalist furnishings, didn't give way to clutter, but there was something about this piece that he found appealing. It was obviously pretty old and whether it was valuable or not was immaterial to Brian. He knew the trunk's owner, if found, might want to claim everything back later and if he, or she did, then so be it. But for the moment, Brian liked the idea of having the green bottle sitting on the shelf and getting up, he placed it near the CD player. Stepping back, he smiled; green was pretty much his favorite color and it looked good sitting up there and then Brian turned and walked away. Justin had been asleep when Brian had started to force the lock on the trunk and then he'd woken as he heard the lid creak open and realizing the possible danger, Justin held his breath and stayed as quiet and as still as possible; curled up in a ball and luckily, it would seem that whoever had found the bottle hadn't discovered him; at least not yet. For as much as he longed for freedom, however limited, he needed to work out where he was and who he might encounter if set free. The bottle had sat on the shelf in Buchanan's cabin on board the 'Gypsy' for just a few hours before it had been picked up and safely stowed in the velvet bag inside the trunk, in order to keep it safe as they'd set sail. But that voyage had proved to be Buchanan's last as he'd suffered a heart attack. In keeping with maritime tradition, Captain Buchanan was buried at sea; it was only fitting. But then his crew changed from the intended course in order to return to his beloved Scotland to deliver the fateful news and deliver the Captain's belongings to his next of kin. Mrs. Buchanan never had the heart to look through the trunk and it had been handed down to their son and then his son and so on. But the family had grown away from the sea and its pull and none of the younger members were vaguely interested in following in their Grandfather's footsteps; the trunk and its contents laying dormant for many, many years, until now. How long Justin had been incarcerated, he had no idea. But now out of the trunk and bag, if not out of the bottle, his heart began to quicken and he took a deep breath. He waited until whoever had handled the bottle had moved away and when he was sure he couldn't be seen, he got up slowly and walked closer to the glass and pressed himself against it in order to peer out, recognizing the trunk sitting down there on the floor. He could see what looked like a large room with furniture, the style of some which he recognized, but there was a lot he didn't. Then, movement to his left startled him and he stepped back abruptly. After placing the bottle on the shelf, Brian had needed to visit the bathroom and then he'd walked to the refrigerator to get himself a bottle of water. Now, he was returning to the computer to start packing everything away and having finished up his work a lot earlier than he'd thought, he was going out after all. Having sorted his papers away and emailed everything he'd needed to himself at the office, Brian powered down the computer. From the bottle, Justin frowned. He could only see Brian's back and he watched him as he played with some sort of box. He couldn't see what it did, but he did see the man pick up some papers and put them in something that looked like a case. Justin bit his lip as he studied this tall, slim figure and then the man turned to walk across in front of Justin and away and the young man gasped at Brian's beauty. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disappearing into the shower, Brian wasn't in any hurry as it was early yet, at least by Babylon standards and he was still toweling his hair when he stepped out of the bathroom some 20 minutes later, having showered and shaved for the second time today. Discarding the towel and completely naked, Brian walked across the polished wooden floor of the loft to the CD player to put on some music while he decided what to wear and Justin swallowed and stepped back; pressing himself into the glass behind him as he saw Brian approach, and then he took a tentative step forward again so he could still watch him. Though Justin hadn't recognized the style of clothing this man had worn before, he'd still looked beautiful, but now he was breathtaking with his slim body and long legs and Justin hadn't been able to take his eyes off Brian's cock and he felt himself redden and he looked away; ridiculously embarrassed, as if he thought someone might know he'd been staring and Justin thought this was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. With the bottle on the same shelf as the CD player, it was lucky the speakers were placed around the room or it would have deafened the young man. As it was, the music was indeed strange sounding to Justin's ears as it blared out and only just below the decibel level that would mean Brian's neighbors starting to complain. Going back to the bedroom and opening the closet door, in the end and after much deliberation, Brian settled on new jeans and crisp white tee. Justin strained to watch Brian as he dressed lazily; trying to make out the man's form through the partially opened glass doors in front of what appeared to be the bedroom area and which partly obscured his view. And then eventually, once dressed, Brian moved down the steps and across the living room floor again in order to check himself out in the mirror and he smiled to himself; satisfied with how he looked and totally unaware there was someone else taking in his every move. It was an unseasonably warm night and not bothering with a jacket, Brian picked up his keys, wallet, cigarettes and lighter before turning off the CD player and most of the lights as he left. Justin had jumped as this place went suddenly much darker and he wondered how Brian had the power to do that and he sighed deeply; his confusion increasing and he cursed his imprisonment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian hadn't even bothered to call Mikey, and needless to say, his friend's absence from the club wasn't surprising; he and Ben were probably back home at Mikey's playing 'happy families', the notion of which had made Brian want to throw up more than once. It wasn't just the 'playing house' that was so unappealing, but the very thought of spending every night with the same man was totally beyond Brian's comprehension. “Why would you want to?” he'd asked Michael. “When there are so many guys out there ...” “For you maybe,” came back the answer, with a badly disguised edge to it. For the truth was that Brian could have just about any or all of the guys he ever wanted and caught the attention of many he didn't. Constantly repeating “Not interested” became quite wearing after a while, but not quite as wearing for Brian as it was to his friends; to hear him constantly knocking back some genuinely good looking guys when they found it hard to get even a sniff of someone who might be remotely interested in them. Em and Ted were at Babylon; together but not together and having a drink at the bar. Emmett Honeycutt and Theodore Schmidt were often assumed by many to be a couple and had been close friends for many years, but they'd yet to become a couple in the biblical sense. This pair, more Mikey's friends then Brian's, kept each other company when one of them wasn't involved with someone else. Subsequently, they spent a lot of time together, but were always on the lookout for anyone who was potential boyfriend material. After initial salutations, Brian moved away from the bar and up onto the gallery and he sighed as he looked down onto the dance floor, trying to find his trick for the evening. The guys were all starting to look the same, with the same beautifully buffed, half-naked and well-toned bodies. But as he wasn't there for the size of their IQ, Brian wasn't really bothered. A nice piece of ass, or someone with a welcoming mouth. As long as he got his cock serviced, he didn't really care either way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The man had been trying to light a cigarette in the alley outside Babylon when Brian was leaving. He'd visited the back room and found his welcoming mouth, but as Brian was reaching the bottom step as he left the club, he heard someone swear. “Shit ...” and the man who was leaning against the outside wall of the club shook his lighter; it was out of fuel. “Gotta light?” he asked as Brian hit the ground and Brian hesitated for a few seconds as he looked him over; he liked what he saw. “Sure,” came the answer and Brian took his lighter out of his pocket and flipped the top and ignited the spark. The man reached out and held Brian's hand steady as he leaned forward to light his cigarette from the flame and he held Brian's gaze. “Thanks ... it's a warm night ... isn't it?” the man asked him as he finally let go of Brian's hand and he took a deep draw on the nicotine. Brian smiled. “It could get a whole lot hotter ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After Brian had left the loft, Justin sank back down onto the floor of the bottle and wondered if he would ever be free again. But the Fakir's words came back to him: “You are nothing but a servant boy ...” “One day ... someone may set you free ... but you will never know true freedom ... your time each day will be limited ... and then you must return to your prison ...” “And this will continue into eternity ...” Justin closed his eyes as he went over these words again and again, and for the first time for as long as he could remember, he sobbed at his plight and curled back up into a ball and drawing his knees up into his chest, he hugged himself. Justin's heart felt like a ton weight as he realized that not only was he a prisoner, but a prisoner in what appeared to be a strange and foreign land. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian and his trick had started to get acquainted in the elevator, but Brian had extricated himself away from the man's enthusiasm while he let them in through the door and he switched back on some of the lights. The man had already taken off his own tee and thrown it on the sofa as Brian mounted the steps to the raised bedroom area. “Make yourself comfortable ... I have to pee ...” “Wanna hand?” came the offer and the man grinned at him, but Brian shook his head. “I'll holla if I do ...” and he disappeared into the bathroom. When he returned a few minutes later, the man had indeed made himself at home and was lying naked on the bed. “You said I should make myself comfortable ...” and the man grinned and shrugged as Brian pulled his tee up and over his head and throwing it back through the bathroom door behind him. “Indeed I did ...” came the answer and Brian turned off the lamp and just leaving on the blue lights above the bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin had heard the heavy metal door slide open and he'd opened his eyes and blinked. After crying himself to sleep, he'd since been dozing on and off, but looking up, he saw that some of the lights had now come back on and he watched as Brian and another man crossed the floor towards the bedroom. Standing up in order to see more clearly, he saw Brian disappear and then re-emerge a few moments later. Although he could hear their voices, they were too far away for Justin to make out their conversation clearly and then the lights were turned down low; their forms now silhouetted against the blue lights. But it wasn't long before the sounds of sex hit Justin's ears; the primeval, almost animalistic groans and grunts of pain mixed with pleasure. At least, that's what Justin assumed the noise to be, never having witnessed an act of copulation between two people, let alone two men, before. Justin sat down on the floor and covered his ears with his hands as he could only imagine what was happening in the bedroom. He had a fair idea of course, he wasn't that innocent; the conversation among some of the servant boys in the palace often bringing a tinge of red to his otherwise pale complexion as they discussed their own supposed exploits and those of others. But homosexuality was never openly discussed, as unions between males was strictly forbidden by laws of his homeland. Justin knew how much the young girls of the palace had found him attractive and it had often been the source of jealousy among his peers, but the attention had totally baffled him; Justin often ashamed as he caught himself taking more notice of the young, fit and well-toned bodies of the palace guards and finding them far more appealing than any of the young ladies of the household. But none of the guards had ever looked remotely like the man whose home he now found himself in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin had no idea of what was acceptable where he now resided, but over the course of the ensuing weeks, he soon realized this place had many visitors, most of whom were fit and attractive young men, but men who only ever seemed to visit just the once. He'd learned that the man who lived here was named Brian, and that there were only two other regular visitors, one of whom was Mikey and though he'd seen Brian and Mikey kiss, there appeared to be no more physical contact than that. The other visitor was a middle-aged woman who appeared to only come when Brian was out and who cleaned and tidied up after him, not that there was much tidying to do as Brian didn't go in for clutter, though occasionally she would hang things back up in the closet. Joyce had worked for Brian for the last three years and would come in twice a week, usually on a Monday and Thursday. As well as tidying up, she would sweep the floor and dust and polish all the surfaces along with washing up anything that was left lying around. Then she would clean the kitchen and bathroom and on Monday, take the laundry from the bin, including the bedding. Brian always stripped the bed himself, but Joyce would re-make it and collect the laundry on her way in on Thursday. Justin would watch her, especially when she dusted the shelves and he would curl up tightly into a ball so as not to be seen, as she flicked the feather duster over the CD player and around the bottle. Justin sighed; thinking back to when he'd been a servant for the princess. He often picked up after Princess Fahliah and at least then, he'd had relative freedom. He could move around the palace with ease, being a trusted member of the palace staff and when he did have some free time, he would draw, sometimes going outside the palace compound into the foothills where he could feel completely free. Although he could feel himself being drawn to Brian, part of him missed the old life. The palace had been his life and his family, after the death of his parents; the older serving women taking care of him and teaching him how to cook and sew. But now he was trapped with seemingly no way out and even the life of a servant seemed almost appealing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Michael still continued to drop by from time to time and mostly unannounced, usually on the nights when Brian was at home working. Happy, it would seem, to spend his time now with Ben, Michael would still try and get Brian to come to 'theirs' for dinner. “You could always bring someone ...” Michael would say to him and Brian would just give him a look and raise an eyebrow. Michael would sigh and say something like, “We never spend any time together these days ...” And Brian would shake his head. “And whose fault is that?” he would ask him. “But even when I ask you to come eat with us ... you still refuse ... couldn't you come ... just for me?” “I'm busy,” would come the curt reply and Mikey would answer: “Oh yeah?” “Sure ... there's a hot new trainer at the gym I want to check out ...” and Brian would grin, enlisting a further sigh from Michael. “Then what about lunch on Saturday?” “I'm having a facial ... and manicure ...” It would seem that Brian's world consisted of work, Babylon; which were usually followed by spending time with a trick, and pastimes such as facials, manicures, saunas, the gym and visits to his tailor with no room for meaningful personal relationships in Brian's life at all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin soon learned that Brian's routine meant that he would go out every morning when the sun was up and sometimes didn't come home until very late, but on the nights he didn't go out, Justin would often see Brian looking over papers and working at the box that sat on a table not too many feet in front of him. With Brian bringing many men home, Justin assumed this was acceptable in this land, but watching him, he couldn't understand why this beautiful man didn't have someone to love him instead of a procession of men; all different and yet strangely all the same. Justin sighed and looked out the window; he could see huge towers against a backdrop of grey-blue sky and he could hear strange noises. But he started to ache to be able to leave his prison and explore the outside world; with all its mysteries and perceived dangers. But it wasn't just the world outside these four walls that intrigued Justin, it was Brian. Something that Justin noticed very early on, was the lack of affection Brian showed any of the men who visited his home. He'd watch as every young man would be eager for Brian's attentions, but though he often saw them kiss, there was no warmth or caring and he began to think this man had a heart of stone; using men for their bodies and casting them aside without a second thought. Not understanding what the contraption was, Justin often heard Brian on his cell phone or land line, though it was obvious he was in a conversation with someone and on more than one occasion, he heard Brian's anger and was glad he wasn't on the receiving end. But with certain other people, Brian showed a totally different side and Justin began to realize what a complicated man this was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Perry ... it's Kinney,” stated Brian down the phone late one evening. Brian had been pouring over the slides for several advertising campaigns and looking through one of the sets, he'd groaned and thrown them back down on his desk. Picking up his cell and dialing a number, it was obvious by the tone of his voice that he wasn't happy. “I don't give a shit what the time is ...” continued Brian and he didn't, in spite of the fact that it was after midnight. “I'm more concerned with clearing up your mess ...” and Brian didn't give a damn that the man on the other end of the line was more than just a little put out by his hostility. “I'm looking over the slides of the Marshall boards ... and I distinctly remember asking for Allegro 18 in Turquoise 3 ... and this font looks nothing like it ...” “No ... it couldn't wait until tomorrow ... I've got an 8:30 down town ... and I need these before midday ...” Brian heard Perry sigh on the other end of the phone and obviously in bed, the man was scrambling to find a pen and a piece of paper to take down Brian's instructions. “Get your ass in gear Perry ... or we'll be looking for another Head of Art ...” were Brian's parting words and he tossed the phone back onto the desk. Finishing his call, Brian sighed and suddenly shuddered, even though it was still quite warm in the loft and he looked around him. There were only a few lamps on around the loft, providing for many shadows and, not for the first time, did Brian feel as if he were being watched, but he shook his head at his jumpiness: he was obviously working far too hard. Justin had winced at Brian's words and at the obvious anger and had felt sorry for whomever it had been directed at, but was sure, given Brian's directness, that it was probably warranted. And, with nothing more Brian could do tonight, he decided he needed something to help him wind down. Too keyed up to sleep, he headed for his stash, lighting a joint and inhaling deeply before settling down on the sofa and enjoying the hit. Brian smoked Kronic and the most expensive at that, which he bought by the ounce, but then again, he could afford it and it wasn't long before Perry's incompetence was forgotten, at least for tonight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin stirred as Brian came home a little early one afternoon after uncharacteristically taking an hour off work to do some shopping. The toy store was the most expensive one in town and the female behind the counter had openly flirted with him, but then Brian had that effect on both men and women. He'd placed the parcels on the sofa and took off his jacket. It had been another hot day and before checking on his purchases, Brian went to take a shower after hanging up his suit. Now refreshed and with just a towel wrapped around his waist, Brian returned to the living room and pulled the teddy bear out from its packaging and grinned before sitting it in the corner of the sofa. It was the most expensive bear in the store, but the cost hadn't even entered his head; not when it was a gift for his son. Lindsay Peterson and Brian were old college friends. In fact, they'd been more than that at one time and had even slept together on a few occasions before both of them realized it wasn't for either of them. Lindsay had been with Melanie Marcus, a partner in a law firm, for over five years when they'd decided to have a child. Due to Mel's medical history, it wasn't possible for her to conceive, but much to her annoyance, Lindsay had insisted that if she were to be the birth mother, then Brian had to be the Father of their much wanted child. Melanie could never understand or accept the friendship between Lindz and Brian and felt threatened by it, and subsequently could never pass up the opportunity to get in some dig or other at Brian's expense. Agreeing to sign over his parental rights to baby Gus, when the girls were going through a difficult time, believing as he did that his son deserved to be brought up by two parents who loved him, there wasn't a day that went by when Brian wondered if he'd done the right thing. Finding it difficult to openly admit it, Brian loved his son and though at the start had declined to take much of an active part in the boy's life, after only just a few months, he was now increasingly trying to see him more often; work and Melanie permitting. Initially, the woman had chided him over his lack of involvement, but now seemed to resent his interest in the child and often put obstacles in his way to prevent him for seeing him; just reminding Brian about who had control over Gus' upbringing. But this weekend, Lindsay had agreed that Brian would take care of him while the girls had some down time for themselves. Fixing himself some leftovers from a previous take out that he found in the freezer, Brian had just placed the container in the microwave when his cell rang and even before he answered it, he had a strange premonition that he wasn't going to enjoy the conversation. It was Lindsay calling; there'd been a change of plans and Mel had to work at the weekend on an important case and they wanted to switch dates. “But you told me I could have Gus this weekend,” stated Brian, trying to keep his anger under control, though the tone in his voice spoke volumes. “You can have him next weekend instead,” suggested Lindsay and Brian had to bite his tongue; the last thing he wanted was for Mel to actually enjoy knowing that she'd upset him in any way and Lindsay was bound to report back any conversation she'd had with him. But with having no legal rights at all, Brian had to rely on the crumbs the girls tossed him once in a while. “Fine ... that's just peachy ...” “I'm sorry, Brian ... I hope it doesn't inconvenience you too much,” stated Lindsay and Brian sighed. No, not much, just working all hours to clear his desk so that he could leave early on Friday in order to do shopping and make sure he was ready to have his kid for the weekend, but he wasn't going to let the girls know just how pissed off he actually was. “Not a problem,” stated Brian and he forced himself to smile. “We'll just put the arrangements back a week ...” “Thanks Brian ... we won't change things again ... I promise,” continued Lindsay and Brian put down his cell. “Cunts ...” growled Brian under his breath and he closed his eyes. Justin watched Brian as he finished speaking and he was obviously upset by the conversation and Justin only wished he understood what was going on when Brian spoke into that little box. Brian tossed his cell onto the sofa and picked up the bear, checking the blue ribbon around the toy's neck. Rolling his lips into his mouth, Brian closed his eyes and sighed and then placed the bear back in its packaging. Slowly walking up to the bedroom area, Brian opened the closet door and put the parcel on the top shelf before going back into the living room and fixing himself a very large Beam, in fact several, before unsteadily climbing into bed and totally forgetting the meal that had heated up in the microwave. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The week was going from bad to worse. The Marshall campaign, despite the alterations as instructed by Brian, bombed, prompting Ryder to hint again at how results counted towards any possible partnership. “I don't understand what the hell happened,” stated Marty Ryder and Brian followed the man into his office and closed the door behind them. Marty, Brian and his team, had all just left the meeting room where a postmortem had been conducted and Marty sat down behind his desk and opened a drawer; producing a bottle of whiskey, he poured out two shots, one of which he handed to Brian. “Well ... I don't have tits for a start,” sighed Brian and taking a swallow of the drink he flopped down into a chair and caught Marty's look of confusion. “Madison Walker ... Pamela Anderson lookalike ... tits out to here ...” and Brian demonstrated just how big a chest Ms. Walker possessed. Marty nodded, he'd encountered Madison and her, um, accoutrement's for himself and he sighed in disbelief. “Christ ... is that what it came down to ... Peter Marshall thinking he could get into her pants?” and he took a gulp of the whiskey. Brian chuckled and shook his head. “Pity Marshall hadn't caught on that he'd have better luck with me than Ms. Walker ... but he'll find out ...” for it seemed that like Brian, Madison played for the away team. It went quiet for a moment and then Marty spoke again, and Brian didn't miss the underlying tone. “You gonna hit your targets this month, Brian?” Marty asked him and Brian downed the rest of his drink. “Don't sweat it ... there's plenty more fish in the sea ...” and he placed the empty glass down on Marty's desk before leaving. But Brian knew he was going to have to pull out all the stops and work like hell the rest of the week if he was going to have any chance at all of spending the weekend with Gus. But he couldn't let it go by and give the girls another reason to be difficult over his access to his son. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian seemed to be getting home even later and Justin was getting more frustrated at not seeing him and was conscious of the fact that his heart raced as soon as he heard the door open and Brian walk in. As it was, Brian seemed to like to spend as little time at home as he could. But with the man working excessively long hours to get ahead and give himself some breathing space, he seemed to come directly home and go straight to bed and on a couple of the last few days at least, alone. But it was finally at the end of the week and putting in the hours, Brian had got in front of himself at work and had been able to leave early in order to do a little shopping so that he didn't have to worry too much while he had Gus. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Thanks for this Brian ... I do appreciate it ...” “I'm his Father for Chrissakes ... course I wanna help out with my son ...” and Justin had blinked when he'd heard these words and he frowned with confusion; Brian had a son? Brian had been home for about 45 minutes and it was now late afternoon; there was a knock at the door and Brian had answered it. A tall, slim and attractive blonde woman in her late twenties had arrived, carrying a young child, whom she handed to Brian while she retrieved some things from outside in the hallway. Postponed from the previous weekend but now able to grab some down time, Mel and Lindsay had made arrangements to go away for a couple of days and visit an old college friend of Mel's on the way home and Lindsay had brought to Brian's all the baby paraphernalia Gus would need for his stay with his Dad. Having deposited everything inside, Lindsay bit her lip and looked at Brian. “Are you sure you're going to be alright ...” “Yes, Mom ... we're gonna be fine ... aren't we ... Sonny-boy?” asked Brian of his son, whom he was still holding and who gurgled his response. Lindsay nodded but produced a piece of paper from her purse. “Here's the numbers ...” “I've already got both your cell's ...” stated Brian, exasperated but Lindsay shook her head. “These are the hotel where we're staying tomorrow ... and Betty's number ... Mel's friend ... where we'll be staying Sunday ... just in case ...” and sighing, Brian took the piece of paper and pocketed it. “So ...” and Lindsay bit her lip. “So?” questioned Brian and he frowned. “I'm finding it hard to believe that Brian Kinney ... would willingly give up guys for what ... an entire weekend ... in order to look after his son?” stated Lindsay. “You are gonna give guys a miss this weekend ... aren't you?” “No,” stated Brian, seriously. “I'm holding an orgy tonight ... got twenty of the hottest guys coming over ...” “Okay ... okay ...” and Lindsay held up her hands in mock surrender at his sarcasm. “You think I can't go without it for two days?” asked Brian grinning and Lindsay frowned. “Hmmm ...” “Contrary to what most people probably think ... I do know how to behave when I have responsibility for my son ...” stated Brian emphatically and Lindsay nodded her acceptance of Brian's statement, for despite Melanie's reluctance to recognize the possibility, Lindsay had always known Brian loved his son and had hoped he would someday want more involvement. But owing to the way her partner and friend constantly rubbed each other up the wrong way, she'd given in to the path of least resistance and usually sided with Mel in any disagreement, despite what her partner thought. Lindsay spent a little while showing Brian everything she'd brought for the baby, including clothing and toys and she ran through Gus' routine. Baby food and made up formula were placed in the fridge and a travel cot near the bed and despite his inexperience of Fatherhood, Brian was eagerly looking forward to having his son for an entire weekend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After Lindsay left, the baby had fallen asleep in his carry cot and Brian let the child sleep on. But he couldn't resist continually going over and checking on him. Brian's love for his son was all too obvious, at least to Justin, though Brian himself would never admit it and had only just barely acknowledged it himself. He hadn't given two thoughts about taking on any parental responsibilities before Gus was born and his part of the arrangement had just meant him jerking off into a cup in the back room of Babylon, which he then presented to the girls to do with whatever they wanted to; though Brian could now never sit down to a turkey dinner and not get the shudders. But after Gus was born and he'd held him at just a few hours old, everything had started to change, whether he realized it or not. There was a new life; a tiny life that he'd helped create and a bond had formed that would never be broken. Brian knew he could never be a full-time Dad, not that Melanie would ever let him of course. But he loved his son passionately and had already decided he would be there for him always. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “So ... that was his name ... Brian Kinney,” smiled Justin to himself and he watched Brian with the baby during the evening and at one point, couldn't help giggling at the facial expressions: Brian's that is. Brian had been totally grossed out at having to change his son's diaper, but he'd coped admirably and there was an obvious attachment to the youngster. Brian talked to the child constantly, and the baby responded by gurgling and cooing happily, until that is, his Dad left him for a few minutes to go to the bathroom. Then all hell broke loose. No longer having his Father's attention, the baby started to cry and wouldn't let up, even when Brian returned. From his place on the shelf, Justin could just see around to the kitchen area and watched as Brian placed the carry cot on the counter and tried to pacify the child when the bell to the exterior door sounded. Thinking it was his take out he'd ordered a while ago, Brian barked into the intercom that it was about time, but, when he answered the door, he got the shock of his life. It wasn't the pizza delivery man, it was Jack Kinney, his Father. Brian and Jack had a strained relationship, Brian's Father openly admitting he should never have been a family man and though now in his sixties, still had an eye for the ladies. Unfortunately, he was a heavy drinker, for whom showing his feelings had normally meant using his fists and Brian had usually been on the receiving end. Justin watched and the distance between the two men was obvious and not just the physical kind. There was no Father and son relationship here; no connection that Justin had seen with Brian and his son, just in the short time that he'd observed Brian around Gus. Jack had come to tell Brian he had cancer, and afterwards, when the old man had left, Justin had watched Brian's face as he clung to his child and there was a pain in the man's eyes that couldn't be mistaken. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian took one of the bottles with the made up formula from the refrigerator and heated it up; testing the temperature of the liquid on his wrist to make sure it wasn't too hot and he'd sat down on the steps to the bedroom to feed the youngster. Justin bit his lip as he listened to Brian's voice. The same voice that could be angry to a work colleague, sarcastic to a friend and would moan and groan while in the throes of sex was now tender, gentle, and it was difficult to believe this was the same person. Justin couldn't take his eyes off Brian. The man was barefoot and dressed only in sweats and having given Gus his bottle, with a towel over his bare shoulder, Brian had rubbed his son's back to bring up any excess wind and he'd smiled at the not so little burp emitted from the child. “Better out than in,” chuckled Brian and he turned Gus around, so that he was laying in the crook of his left arm and he stroked the baby's forehead gently with his fingers. Inwardly, Brian chuckled at the thought of what the guys at Babylon would say if they could see him now; Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue, going gaga over his kid. But he didn't care; he felt honored to have him. “Well Sonny-boy ... I don't think your old man's doing too bad ...” stated Brian, smiling down at Gus and then Justin heard him sigh. “If somebody told me ... even just a coupla months ago ... that I'd be babysitting my own kid ... and loving every minute of it ... I'da said they were frigging insane ...” and the baby held onto Brian's finger with a vice like grip, listening to his every word and his Father smiled. “How can something so little ... that can't even speak yet ... have such a hold?” and he wasn't just talking about the way Gus was hanging on to him. For as much as Brian was loathed to admit it, this tiny bundle had a very strong hold indeed; on Brian's heart and so far, was the only male to do so and Justin couldn't fail to recognize just how much love Brian had for his young son. But then he heard the sadness creep into Brian's voice. “At least you'll never hear your Dad tell you he wished you hadn't been born ... that you should have been aborted ... his own flesh and blood ...” and Justin frowned and sat down inside the bottle as he watched this beautiful little scene. “But you're part of me ... and though I'm never gonna be a full time Dad ... you'll always know that I love you ...” Justin felt a lump come to his throat as he heard Brian's words, but the man's tone and the catch Justin thought he heard in his voice made him wonder if Brian had been talking about himself. Would this be the reason for the distance between Brian and his own Father; the fact that the man had wished Brian had never been born and had told him so? It would explain the tension Justin felt between the two men and then he saw Brian give a rueful smile. “Whoda thought it ... Brian Kinney trading leather pants for rubber diapers ... uh oh ... ” and he leaned forward and sniffed his son. “Great ... in one end and straight out the other ...” continued Brian, but without a trace of anger in his voice. Still cradling his son in one arm, Brian got to his feet and retrieved a towel from the bathroom and laid it on the bed and then placed the baby on top of it while he pulled the holdall Lindsay had left towards him and still with a hand to Gus to prevent him from rolling onto the floor. Getting more accomplished at this particular task, Brian changed Gus without too much trouble, even though the baby was kicking his feet up and wriggling all the time. And once the youngster was clean and dry again, Brian picked him up. “Well ... I think I broke my own record ...” chuckled Brian, referring to the length of time it had taken him to complete the task in hand and he could see the baby was now content and happy and not too far from sleep. Gus probably would have been quite happy to have been put in his cot, but Brian couldn't resist rocking him gently as he slowly criss-crossed the floor of the loft; making every minute of his time with his son count. After all, he got precious little of it, though in fairness, in the beginning at least, that had been his own decision. And now he couldn't convince Mel and Lindsay that he was serious in wanting to spend more time with his son. They wouldn't believe he could change like that; wouldn't give him the chance to show that he could and actually wanted to play a bigger part in Gus' upbringing. He was stuck with an image he couldn't shake off and that people wouldn't even let him try. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With the baby sound asleep in his arms, Brian smiled and slowly, he walked up the steps to the bedroom and gently placed Gus in his cot, tucking the blanket up around the baby's shoulders. Going to the closet, Brian retrieved a package from the top shelf and removed the teddy bear he'd bought and he smiled to himself as he placed the bear, that was bigger even than Gus was, at the bottom of the cot. “Sleep tight ...” whispered Brian and he leaned down and gently kissed the baby's forehead. And that's when Justin knew he'd fallen in love, with this very beautiful and obviously extremely complex man called Brian Kinney. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Throughout his time at Brian's home, Justin tried to understand his surroundings. There was a box that sat on the floor that showed pictures of people and places and played music, as well as the one that Brian would sit down at to work and both Justin found equally as baffling. Then there were the contraptions Brian spoke in to and the way he had the power to make this place light and dark regardless of the time of day. It all had to be sorcery, Justin decided, but Brian was never surprised by it and Justin had wondered whether this man could do anything he wanted to do. That maybe even Brian was a Fakir himself; someone who could do wonderous things, for he also seemed to have the power to attain the most beautiful of men for himself and how Justin wished he could be one of them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As time went by, Justin noticed that the seasons appeared to be changing as Brian was now wearing a heavy garment when he went out and the younger man's heart ached every time he saw Brian leave; wishing he could be with him and hating his imprisonment more and more. But what was the point of wishing for something he could never have? Being this close to Brian and not being able to touch him or feel the man's touch in return, was breaking Justin's heart. Seeing the men come through Brian's loft and hearing what they did, was driving Justin insane, though increasingly it seemed to him that Brian was on a treadmill he couldn't get off. He sometimes actually looked bored when men turned up at his door and often, when Justin saw them leave, he thought he could detect in Brian's eyes a loneliness; an emptiness and hunger inside that no amount of men could ever satisfy. Tonight, Brian even had two men in bed with him and Justin heard the noise that sounded, which normally meant Brian would then be carrying on a conversation with someone unseen, even though Justin still didn't understand how that was possible. But he had realized some time ago that there was a lot about this place that he didn't understand. Brian had received the call to tell him his Father had died; that Jack's cancer-ridden body had finally given up. Not that you would have taken Brian's reaction for grief as he told his tricks to continue what they were doing. And not for the first time did Brian dull his pain by losing himself in sex; alcohol, drugs and guys being an easy remedy to lose himself in and cut himself off from the outside world. Because even though Brian would never admit it, losing his Father had more of an effect on him than he would ever have thought. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin witnessed Brian's friends visiting him over the next few days and offering him their condolences and it soon became obvious to Justin that it was Brian's Father who had died; the man who had visited him some time ago. And Justin also saw that Brian was drinking and smoking more heavily than he'd seen him do before; Brian's supply of booze and shit was being hit hard as he tried to sort out his feelings regarding the man who had passed away. Jack Kinney's funeral was held a few days later. It had been snowing heavily and had afforded a dramatic backdrop for the dark clothing worn by the mourners. All of Brian's friends had attended in order to support him and it had actually surprised him that they would do so. But despite a hit from the joint that he'd taken with him, Brian was finding it difficult to get through the day. And as much from the hypocrisies of the eulogies about the fine upstanding man that had been Jack Kinney as from his loss and the emotion of the occasion. Afterwards, at the wake, Brian finally revealed to his friends the reason for his distance from his Father. Brian's elder sister, Clare, had never acknowledged their Father's behavior towards Brian; choosing as she did to remember her 'Daddy' fondly and even Joan, Jack's widow, had raised an eyebrow at that. Claire wanted to hear the nice things people had to say about Jack, but unsurprisingly, there were very few memories held by those present. Though Lindsay did remember Jack once giving her a peppermint and telling her she smelled nice. Michael had recounted an episode where Jack had taken them both bowling when they were kids and that when Brian had scored a strike, Jack, who had been at the bar, had returned in time to witness his son's triumph and had hugged him. Brian had listened and had so far refused to contribute to the trip down memory lane, but now the resentment towards his Father surfaced and the gathering was horrified as Brian recalled the fact that when Jack had learned that Joan was pregnant, he had told her to put on her prettiest dress when he took her to dinner. But then he'd instructed her to get rid of the child she was expecting because he didn't want another kid. A story that had been told to Brian repeatedly throughout his childhood years and one he believed with every blow that landed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had been drinking all the way home in the car and was pretty smashed when Michael delivered him back to the loft. They'd been lucky they hadn't been pulled over by the cops and Brian had put the bottle of Beam on the floor as they entered the living room. Though drunk, Brian wanted to set the record straight and make it clear to Michael that his friend was imagining the Father and son relationship between Jack and Brian; a sentimental notion brought about because Michael had never had a Father of his own. It wasn't Jack who had hugged Brian all those years ago at the bowling alley, it had been Michael and the two boys had kissed as they'd celebrated Brian's strike. Jack had returned from the bar and seen them; making some remark about hoping they weren't turning into fairies, and embarrassed by what his Father had witnessed, Brian had taken off. Brian now stumbled up the steps to the bedroom and started to undress but only succeeding in ripping the buttons off his shirt before Michael helped him down onto the bed and had laid beside him at Brian's request. Brian needed his friend right now, but he also needed something else. He needed to forget the fact that he was actually in mourning. Not so much for his Father, though he knew by rights that he should, but for the relationship he'd been denied; that special Father and son bond that had never existed and had only emanated as hostility and physical violence between them. This, above all else, had been the initial reason why Brian thought he was incapable of having any sort of relationship with his own son. He'd been terrified he would repeat history and behave like his Father, though the very thought of ever striking Gus was abhorrent to him. But, nevertheless, it was his perceived inherited traits that had initially led to Brian agreeing to take no part in Gus' upbringing, certain as he was that he was bound to screw up his son's life. And those doubts still existed, even now, after he'd fallen under the baby's spell. But right now, it was about his relationship with his own Father and Brian couldn't cope with either the emotions he was feeling and the shock that he should even have them. Sex had been a proven pain management method and reaching over, he began to undo Michael's pants and put his hand inside; willing to start something he knew his friend had always craved, but Michael stopped him. Michael knew the effect Brian's Father had on his friend. He'd seen the bruises as a kid and put him to bed more than once when Brian had returned drunk after meeting with the older man. And although Michael had always wanted more from Brian than just his friendship, he didn't want it to be this way, with Brian just needing to fuck in order to shut himself off from his feelings. Michael stripped Brian down to his underwear and rolled him under the duvet. Brian had eventually nodded when Michael had asked him if he was going to be okay and then Michael left when it looked like Brian was asleep, picking up the bottle of Beam from the floor and placing it on the shelf. Michael didn't want to hang around or the thought of even being a drunken fuck might prove to be too inviting, but he'd put the Beam down on the shelf quite heavily and it had rocked the green bottle, so much so that it actually fell over onto its side and the stopper had fallen out. Luckily, it was a wide shelf and the bottle had rolled away from the edge but, all the same, Justin had fallen over with the movement. Justin had heard Brian's rant at Michael about their not so shared memories of Jack Kinney and he had seen how upset Brian was and his heart went out to him at the man's obvious, if denied, grief. And now, recovering from the fall, Justin held his breath in case the movement of the bottle had been detected, but, as he sat quietly, he thought he could hear the faint sounds of someone crying. Feeling a sudden breeze, Justin looked towards the narrow opening of the bottle and to his delight and terror, he realized the stopper had come out. Now was his opportunity to be set free, but for how long and would he survive outside the bottle? But continuing to hear what he was now sure was Brian crying, Justin knew he had no option but to go to the man. He was obviously in distress and with Michael gone, there was no one else to comfort him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had been dozing, but he'd heard the heavy metal door slide shut, although he hadn't heard the bottle topple over. And, realizing he was now alone, or so he thought, even the alcohol he'd consumed wasn't enough to dull the ache Brian felt for all the times he'd hoped he could have gotten through to his Father. Like when he'd made the soccer team and even when he'd secured a college scholarship, hoping his parents would show some pride in him, they'd been more concerned that he wouldn't be contributing to the household bills like he would be if he went out and got a job straight after leaving school. Or his Father's jealousy of the success he knew Brian would likely achieve. He didn't just have the brains of the family, the kid had shown backbone too, standing up to him when he got big enough, now daring his Father to take him on. But in the end Jack had backed down and that had been the day Brian had left home, though he had never left his Father's influence entirely behind. And the sorrow at what now would never be, filled Brian's heart with pain he couldn't even have imagined. But, turning his face into the pillow, Brian finally succumbed to the tears he'd been determined his Father would never make him shed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin moved to the neck of the bottle and took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The faint wisp of smoke began to take shape as it swirled silently around the room and towards the bedroom area. He had no idea how he got there, but as Justin now stood by the side of Brian's bed, in the low lights from the blue lamps above him, Brian looked beautiful, even now as the tears rolled down his cheek. Already barefooted and wearing what could easily pass for loose fitting sweats and a short tee, Justin climbed on the bed beside him and reaching out, he smoothed the hair away from Brian's forehead and saw Brian swallow and his eyelids flutter. “Mik ... Mikey?” asked Brian, his voice breaking and he turned onto his back and he fought to open his eyes and thinking his friend was still there after all. “Shh ... no ... it's Justin ... go back to sleep ...” Brian blinked and through his tears, tried to make out the features of the young man who looked down at him and finding something incredibly soothing about his voice and the coolness of the fingers that caressed his brow. Though unable to see him clearly; the combination of alcohol, tears and emotion denying Brian total clarity, the caring in those bright blue eyes was unmistakable and something unexplainable told Brian that he was safe and secure in this young man's protection. Slowly turning onto his side once more, Brian could feel himself start to relax as he felt the warm body press up against his back as Justin lay down behind him. Never needing to feel close to someone, other than sometimes hugging Mikey or hanging on during sex with a trick, Brian felt strangely comfortable as he was conscious of Justin's arm now wrapped around his waist and the older man hesitated just for a moment before placing his hand on top of Justin's; holding it into his chest and linking their fingers. “Justin ...” murmured Brian, almost too quietly to hear and somehow managing to remember the name that had been told to him, and he finally drifted off to sleep. And the younger man smiled to himself and his heart leaped at the sound of his name on Brian's lips. To be continued. With heartfelt thanks to Lois and Judy.