LOVE WILL FIND A WAY


Chapter 1:

“Are you mad at me?” Justin asked him and he heard Brian sigh.  “No ... course I'm not mad ...”  “Disappointed then?” and the silence on the other end of the phone spoke volumes.

When Brian told him what he was doing, Justin had said he'd be there for the re-opening of Babylon; a definite chance to catch up with Brian and to show a united front.  Fags against the rest of the world, or at least the bastards who blew up the club, causing several deaths, scores of injuries and not just a little trauma for many, many more.  But things had conspired against him; against them both.  

After a relatively short time in NYC, Justin appeared to have acquired a champion; a particularly influential art collector who was always on the look out for new talent.
 
Unfortunately, he was throwing his biggest bash of the season; an ideal opportunity for Justin to meet and greet, on the very same day that Brian was re-launching Babylon.

“This is important for you ... I know you'd be here if you could,” Brian acknowledged.  

“The date was fixed weeks ago ... I had no say in it,”stated Justin and Brian could hear the guilt in the younger man's voice; that he thought he was letting him down.

“I understand ... don't sweat it ...”

Justin shook his head.  “Fuck it ... I'll be there ... who gives a shit ...”  “You do ... and so do I,” interrupted Brian and now it was Justin's turn to sigh: Brian was right, this could be just the breakthrough he needed.

“There'll be other visits,” Justin stated, hopefully and although he couldn't see him, he could picture Brian standing there; holding the phone: rolling his lips into his mouth as he thought of an answer that wouldn't give him away.  In the time that had passed since Justin left, they'd eventually got to point where they could speak on the phone, but hadn't seen each other once and despite Justin's initial show of confidence, both men were now beginning to wonder if they ever would again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they decided to cancel the wedding; neither man wanting to put unrealistic expectations on the other to be something they were uncomfortable with or which took both of them further away from the man they fell in love with, Justin realized that Brian was prepared to say goodbye if necessary, if it gave him all the freedom he could want to pursue his dreams.  But Justin had tried to make him see it didn't have to be like that.

“We don't need rings or vows to prove how much we love each other ... we already know that,” Justin had stressed, the last night he'd spent with Brian, who'd managed a slight smile in acknowledgment of Justin's words.

The fact that Brian hadn't returned the rings puzzled Justin and when he'd looked at the other man after replacing the box on the coffee table, Brian had seemed a little embarrassed; like he'd been caught out.  Was he still hoping they might wear them one day, wondered Justin.  

“I'll be back ... and you'll come there ... we're gonna see each other all the time,” he stated; desperate to reassure the older man, who'd poured them both stiff drinks; a little of Brian's old pain management methods difficult for him to shake off at this time.

Brian swallowed and Justin heard the catch in his voice.

“You don't know that ... neither do I,” Brian stated.

“Whether we see each other next weekend ... or next month ... never again … it doesn’t matter,” and Justin saw the slight shrug. “It’s only time ...” 

It's only time; hadn't Brian said that when he thought Justin wasn't coming back from L.A.; when he'd been trying to tell himself it was time for him to move on also?  But Justin had come back.  When the Rage movie went down the drain, he didn't stick around to see what else Hollywood could offer him, but had headed on home; home to Brian.  But this time it was different.  Now they were both moving on; moving on to a new phase in their lives as a couple: deciding to be physically apart at a time when emotionally, they had never been closer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian had fought all day to get his feelings into some sort of order.  They were so new; so unfamiliar and yet he was sure this was so right.  He tried to take heart from Justin's calmness; his assuredness that their relationship would continue and indeed he knew they could never go back to how they'd been before.  Because now they both knew exactly how the other man felt; there was no denying it, so there could be no turning back.

Brian's stomach churned and he looked into Justin's eyes and saw the promise there; that this was not goodbye; Justin wouldn't allow it and he'd prove to Brian that the older man too was capable of giving all that was necessary to keep their love alive if he only allowed himself to and Brian permitted himself a slight smile.

“You did it … became the best homosexual you could possibly be,” he stated and Justin saw so much pride in Brian's eyes; they were now so alike.  Brian had been Justin's mentor; teacher and inspiration and Justin his willing student.  And in return Justin had taught Brian how to love; which begs the question which was the greatest gift?   Now more than ever before, they were equals; Brian's respect for Justin's work growing more each day.  The very reason he knew why it was so right to let Justin go; to seek his full potential.  Holding him back or having him stay just because he felt he should wouldn't be love, it would be sacrifice and to look back in a few years and wonder what might have been for the younger man; blaming Brian for not letting him go, would have been the end of their relationship surer than all the tricking in the world.

Brian swallowed again; he didn't need to say anything more, Justin knew exactly what he was telling him; he could see it in his eyes: Brian's love now so tangible and strong.

When Brian first told Justin he loved him; had first uttered those three words that Justin had thought he'd never get to hear: his world was turned upside down for the second time in a matter of hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First, there was the blinding light, followed by the force of the deafening explosion which blew him off his feet.  But he was lucky; apart from the odd bruise and a few scratches and being covered in dust and debris, Justin had come off relatively unharmed and he was still trying to make sense of what had happened when he heard Brian call his name and the older man appeared out of nowhere and grabbed hold of him; wanting to make sure he was unharmed.  He was, but others at Babylon weren't so lucky.  

On his way out of the country, Brian had the driver turn the limo around and head for the club when the news of the explosion came on the radio.  His relationship with Justin might be over, but he had to know he was okay.

Michael was badly hurt and once he knew Justin was fine, Brian went with Debbie to the hospital and waited with the family; keeping Debbie company in the little chapel while she told God to save Michael.  It would be touch and go for his friend and suddenly it was brought home to Brian something he hadn't dared think about.

As well as his Mother, Michael had Ben, his husband, keeping a vigil by his bedside and standing to one side and watching them, Brian felt strangely apart from proceedings.  Holding Michael's hand; the anguish clearly showing in Ben's face, Brian realized that this moment belonged to them: the bond between them and Ben's love for the unconscious man so obvious and his fear totally visible.

Though they'd been estranged, deep down, Brian still loved his friend.  But he wasn't his partner nor his lover and unable to do anything practical, Brian's thoughts returned to the scene he'd left an hour or so ago and of the man he'd left behind there and what he meant to him.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Justin had tried to do what he could for the injured and one of the emergency team had given him a spare jacket to wear against the cold.  He saw Brian come around the corner; the expression of shock still etched on his face.  Justin closed the distance between them and Brian held him like he now only realized what it was he almost lost.   The love of his life: Justin.  

He'd almost lost him before; without the blond ever knowing how he really felt.  Could he be that stupid again?

“Is Michael going to be okay?” asked Justin; his face still covered with soot.

“They don't know,” answered Brian and he took hold of him again and held Justin tightly; hardly daring to believe he wasn't hurt and then Brian pulled back and took a deep breath and seeing the confusion in the younger man's eyes.  “When I heard what happened ... I tried to call you on your cell ... but ... you didn't answer ...” Brian's voice quivered; the panic so evident in his tone.

“I was so fucking scared ...”

“All I could think was ... please ... don't let anything happen to him ...” and Brian pulled him in closer; their faces almost touching.

“I love you,” Brian whispered and Justin blinked before pulling back and looking up at him.  

“Oh ...” murmured the younger man in surprise and he stared back at him as if he didn't quite understand what Brian was saying.  But he studied Brian's face and saw the pain there; the pain of knowing what might have been.  And then he saw something else and he stretched up to kiss Brian: Brian took another deep breath.

“I love you,” repeated the older man; wanting to make sure Justin now understood him; hazel eyes so full of emotion and the words breathed into Justin's own mouth as Brian's lips sought his again.  Justin finally took in what Brian was telling him; the older man's kiss and the way he held him confirming everything he needed to know but never thought he would hear.

Both men trembling and not only from the cold, Brian almost seemed surprised by his own statement; his innermost fears and feelings producing this declaration of love from so deep down within himself: as if it had caught him also unawares.  And with his heart beating fit to burst, Justin clung on; their bodies almost melting into each other. 

Around them remained a scene of chaos with flashing blue and amber lights of the emergency services vehicles, paramedics still tending the injured and disembodied voices from the dispatch radios clearly heard.  Fire crew and Police sloshed through the puddles of water from the hoses used to quell the small fires that still kept reigniting.  

And in the midst of all this chaos stood two people now totally oblivious to what was going on around them: two men lost in each other and whose love shone like a beacon of light and hope in the madness that had threatened to overtake them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Justin's complete surprise, Brian asked him for his hand in marriage; something that the younger man hadn't taken entirely seriously to begin with and thought it was Brian's over reaction to the bombing, nearly losing his best friend and his fears for Justin's safety.  But Brian had insisted it was what he'd wanted and even bought the house of Justin's dreams, before they accepted this wasn't what they needed to prove their love and commitment.

And now at the loft on their last night for who knew how long, Brian had caught hold of him again and kissed him with a passion Justin swore he'd never felt in the man before.  And when they made love; the intensity and connection so deep, Justin knew in his heart he would never love anyone else; Brian's actions reaffirming the words he'd at last been able to say out loud.

Brian wiped the sweat and tears from Justin's cheek; fighting to keep his own emotions in check.  He wanted to remember this always and his heart leaped at his own thoughts; echoes of the words he'd said to Justin the first time they'd made love: the first time Justin had given himself.

Until earning his Father's disdain when he came out, Justin had grown up in a loving family; had wanted love and was more than prepared to love in return.  But this was something so alien to Brian who had feared rejection more than daring to love; until now.

All the holding back that Justin once felt from Brian had gone.  Brian's heart and soul was open to him; for Justin to finally take possession of; given to him and him alone: a love so deep and strong.  But Brian almost wavered; almost pleaded “Don't go” as he buried his face in Justin's neck and held him; wanting the moment to last forever.

When Brian said it didn't matter if they never saw each other again; that it was only time, that wasn't something that could be measured in minutes, hours, months or even years.  A love like theirs knows no time limitations.  It has no boundaries nor end, but is surely eternal; timeless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Brian's initial surprise, the younger man had already left when Brian awoke; a light dusting of snow still covering the sidewalks outside.  And having showered and dressed, he lit a cigarette; drawing the nicotine deep into his lungs.  There was a comfortable quietness about the loft as he sat on the bed, where only hours before he'd made love to Justin.

Upon waking and discovering Justin gone and following Brian's initial surprise to find he was on his own, he was filled with something he couldn't immediately identify, but gradually realized what it was; contentment.  Though alone, Brian felt relaxed and at ease; feelings that surely only come when you know you've done exactly the right thing and for the right reasons.

Gone were the inner struggles he'd experienced for so long; the continual need to prove himself, following years of indifference from his Father and the knowledge that the man didn't want him born in the first place.  And, witnessing his Father's abuse and his parents' loveless marriage was something Brian had actually been able to admit to Ted as being responsible for clouding his own ability to form any real and lasting relationships.

Gone also at last, was the struggle to deny the love he felt for Justin; the love he tried to ignore for so long; self-preservation kicking in every time he thought the younger man was getting too close: convinced that Justin would only leave him one day in any case for a younger, better model.

Of course there'd been differences between them and what sometimes seemed like insurmountable problems, many through their inability to communicate and for Brian to express how he really felt.  But there was no point in looking back now; no apologies and no regrets.  But to savor what they'd shared.  

And with thoughts of Justin going around in his head, it was a moment before Brian realized his cell phone was ringing and he reached over to the nightstand to pick it up.  It was a text message from Justin and Brian felt a little disappointed that the younger man hadn't wanted to speak to him, but he understood why he couldn't; that the sound of hearing each other's voice might result in both of them losing all resolve.  Justin's to go to NYC in the first place and Brian's not to ask him to come back.

“Arvd NYC. ILY.  J” and Brian replied.  “ILY2” and he put the phone back on the nightstand and listened to the silence in the loft as the full realization finally hit home.

Justin was gone; gone into the world to make his own mark, without Brian's presence or his financial support but in the knowledge of his love and total acceptance.  Before it seemed Brian and Justin found each other after every parting, but who could say for sure on this occasion if they would ever meet again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian was practically on automatic pilot when he went into the office later that day and then the following; Ted and Cynthia trying not to bother him with mundane inquiries and leaving the man mostly to himself.  Ted would drop by every now and again with a refill cup of coffee and a knowing look that said “I'm here if you need to talk”, something highly unlikely but Brian was grateful in the knowledge there were people around him who cared; something he never thought he would ever be thankful for.  But the one person he really wanted to be with was hundreds of miles away.

Trying to concentrate on work, without success, his cell phone rang and Brian was jolted back to reality.  It was Lindsay, asking if he was okay; like she had the day she and Mel had left for Canada and taking Gus and Jenny Rebecca with them.

“Hi Lindz ... how are things in the great white north?”  “White ... very white ... and 30 below,” chuckled Lindsay and Brian smiled and then frowned.  “How's my son?” he asked her; not even realizing he no longer gave Gus the nickname Jack had bestowed on Brian: 'Sonny-boy' finally breaking free from his Father's influence and perceived conditioning.

“He's fine ... we enrolled him into nursery school today ... I think he's going to make lots of new friends ...”  Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and swallowed and picked up a pen; tapping it on the desk.  Lindsay knew how difficult this was for Brian; how at last he'd recognized that he could be the Father he wanted to be and not the Father he once feared he might be; asking for a second chance just before they'd left.

“But I won't let him forget you,” Lindsay assured him again.  “You're damn right you won't ... I want Gus to know his Father's not deserting him ...”  “Are you still going on about that?” cut in Lindsay.  “Implying that we've run away?  Brian, we're doing this for the children ... we need to know they're safe ... and won't be treated any differently just because they have two moms ...”

“I know ... I'm not having a go, Lindz,” replied Brian and he sighed.  The last thing he wanted to do was get into Lindsay's bad books.  With no formal parental rights he would have to rely on goodwill in order to see Gus and he wanted his son to visit regularly.

“I'm just saying I want Gus to know who I am ... after all ... I expect Uncle Mikey will be up every chance he gets to visit Jenny ... I don't want Gus thinking his old man doesn't love him at least as much ... that's all ...”

Lindsay frowned.  “You know you can always come up here ... and Gus can come to you ...” and then she hesitated.

“Will he have anywhere to stay when he visits?  As he gets older ... I don't think the loft will be suitable ... he'll be wanting his own space ...”

“If you're asking if I'm keeping the house ... the answer is yes ... I am,” though I'm not really sure why, were the words that crossed Brian's mind because he could just as easily sell it and buy a smaller house nearer the city, which would be a helluva lot more convenient and less expensive to run if all it was used for was to have somewhere to bring Gus back to.  Or was Brian still harboring the notion that one day .....  And he was sure he heard Lindsay smile at that piece of information.

There was a moments silence and Brian started counting down the question he knew was bound to come.  “Have you heard from Justin?” asked Lindsay and Brian couldn't help but smile; everyone was so predictable.

“He's arrived okay ... I don't expect him to call me every five minutes ... he's got a lot of sorting out to do ... settle into his new place ... find a studio ... get to know who's who ...” Brian's voice trailed off and Lindsay could hear the excuses he was giving as to why Justin wouldn't find the time to contact him.

“Well I'd already given him the names of a few people to look up ... names I've seen in the trades who have a good reputation and who could help ... he'll need someone who can work on his behalf ...”

“And take a good cut I dare say,” snorted Brian in return and in the ultimate knowledge that there is never any such thing as a free lunch.  'And that had better be all they want,' whispered Brian to himself and then he cut himself short.  Justin was a free agent, it shouldn't matter who he chose to see or to sleep with; just like Brian was free to see whoever he wanted.  After all, wasn't that one of the things they realized was wrong as they were hurtling towards wedded bliss; caught up with the romance of it all before they finally came to their senses; that the tricking didn't matter, but just Brian's inability to tell Justin how much he did care: that he loved him.

“Well ... I guess I better go ... I just wanted to check in,” stated Lindsay.  “Check up on me you mean,” chuckled Brian.  “Sorry ... I forgot that wasn't allowed ... that there was no way Brian Kinney would ever allow himself to be upset that the love of his life just moved outta state ...” but there was no contempt in Lindsay's words or tone and Brian nodded.  “That's right ... heart of stone ...”

“Do the words bull and shit mean anything to you?” asked Lindsay.

“Bye Lindz ... I'll call Gus tonight ...” Lindsay chuckled at Brian's refusal to acknowledge her words.  But he didn't need to; she knew him so well.  But there was also something in Brian's tone that she hadn't experienced before.  There seemed to be a note of either contentment or resignation, but at this point, Lindsay couldn't be sure which it was.

“Bye Brian ... I'll talk to you again then ...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin groaned and flicked through the property pages again; everything in NYC was so damned expensive.  He had the money he'd made from the Rage comics, but at this rate it wouldn't last very long, even if Daphne's friend wasn't yet asking for his share of the rent in full.

He couldn't waste any more time and from his pocket, Justin took out his cell phone and the list of names Lindsay had given him as useful contacts and was almost tempted to call Brian.  They'd only been apart 72 hours but already it felt like weeks and it took all Justin's resolve not to make the call.  

Unlike going to Hollywood to make the Rage movie, there was no Brett Keller to take him under his wing.  He had to do this on his own; he couldn't go whining to Brian about how expensive it was to live here or how difficult it was to find reasonably priced workspace.  Brian would only offer to help and Justin couldn't allow it.  This was something he had to do on his own; prove himself to be the man Brian taught him to be; to be the man Justin thought he should be.

The first night he'd been on his own; Justin had unpacked his gear in Rhona's spare room and looked at the bed; wishing he were back at the loft or at the very least that Brian was here with him.  He was excited and scared shitless at the same time.  There was no denying it, this was a huge step for him to take and it seemed to him that it would prove to be all or nothing.  To prove to himself and Brian that he could make something of his art or to go home with his tail between his legs: a failure and Justin closed his eyes and sighed.  There was no way he could allow that to happen; disappoint Brian and admit his failings.  He had to make this work.

And when he eventually climbed into bed; staying up watching TV for so long in the hope that he was bound to drop off immediately, he'd pulled the pillow into his chest and hugged it tightly.

“Night Brian,” Justin had whispered; listening to the street noises of the city below his window and in his room, continually lit up from the neon signs outside, he suddenly felt so very alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door wasn't even locked and Michael shook his head.  You'd think after he'd been robbed that time that Brian would have learned to be more careful, especially this late at night and he slid open the heavy metal door and stepped inside.  The lights were down low and looking around the loft, he saw Brian working at the computer.

Hearing the door slide open, Brian looked up and for one heart-stopping moment, thought it was Justin,  coming home and then he saw Michael crossing the floor towards him.

“Thought you might like some company ...” stated Michael.

“Why are you out so late?”  Brian asked him.  Falling a little behind at the office, Brian had brought some files home and was still working and he'd half expected to walk in and find Justin still there.

“It's barely midnight ... in the good old days we'd just be heading off to Babylon ...”

“Babylon is gone Michael ... and so are the good old days ...” answered Brian.

Michael grinned and then he picked up Brian's leather jacket and tossed it to him.  “Not yet ...” Michael informed him.

Brian sighed.  He knew what Michael was doing; their friendship renewed, the man was offering to keep him company now Justin was no longer around.  

When his relationship with Justin had ended before, Brian had used Michael for emotional support; practically kidnapping him to ensure he wasn't going to be alone.  But this time was different.  Having  accepted his and Justin's love for one another, Brian no longer needed to fill the void now that Justin had gone.  No more pain management; no more booze, drugs or guys needed to dull the hurt of being parted from the man he loved.  

Instead of pills, grass or Beam cluttering the desk, a bottle of water stood at Brian's elbow as he worked and not trawling through the gay porn websites for a trick.  And though he might never see Justin again, he had the knowledge that he was loved and capable of loving in return: a man so much more at peace with himself.  But concerned that Brian didn't hide himself away and mourn Justin's leaving, Michael was determined to get him out of the loft and pick up his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Christ ...” stated Michael, looking around him as Brian let them both into the building.

“What did you expect ...dancing boys ... glitter falling from on high?”

Michael hadn't quite realized the extent of the damage to the club and was pretty shocked at its condition.  But he was obviously in the mood for a trip down memory lane; reminiscing about the first time they came to Babylon as teenagers: a defining moment for both of them.

“This is where it all started ... it's who we are,” stated Michael.  “It's what made us ...”

Brian sighed; Michael seemed to have changed his tune.  It wasn't long ago he was saying how they'd outgrown the club scene: that they didn't need it and now he seemed to be recognizing exactly how important it had been in molding them into who they'd become.

“Didn't you say it was all a cheap illusion ... and that life outside goes on ... but in here nothing ever changes?” Brian asked him and Michael shrugged.  “Yeah ... I said that ... but that was before I understood some things weren't meant to change ...”

Brian briefly closed his eyes; wasn't it Michael who had complained to him that out of them both, it was Brian who'd refused to change or grow up and would become an over-the-hill club boy and yet here he was telling him some things were destined to remain the same.  So had Michael finally realized that to be different was okay; that they didn't have to need or want the same things to be part of the same family and that allowing people to be diverse is what brought them together and made them the same?  And against Brian's advice, despite his injuries, Michael heaved one of the small stages into the middle of the burnt out room and climbed up.

“Dance with me,” he asked Brian, who groaned and walked away.  “Why not?” continued Michael.

“For one thing there's no music ...”  “Of course there is ... can't you hear it?  It's the old thumpa thumpa ... come on ... shake that groove thing ...”

Brian shook his head.  “You shake it Mikey ... I'm too ...”

“Too what?” asked his friend.  “Old?”  Brian was about to say that he was too tired of going over the same old ground and that maybe some things were best left as they were, including the burnt out club.  But knowing his friend was hurting at Justin's departure and possibly confused about his own path now, Michael sought to reassure Brian of just who he was.  “You'll always be young ... you'll always be beautiful ...” Michael stated.  “You're Brian Kinney for fucks sake!”

Brian stood still; hearing the words that Michael had spoken to him back when trying to obtain the greatest fucking orgasm of his life, he almost killed himself; thinking that to go out in a blaze of glory was all he could be worth.

But now he knew he was so much more than that; Justin had taught him that.  But he understood what Michael was saying as he reminded him of that brush with death and that was that he accepted they deserved to be who they are and live their lives how they wanted and slowly, Brian climbed up beside Michael and started to dance with him to the imaginary music.

“So ... what are they playing?” Brian asked him.  “Our song,” stated Michael and the following day, Brian authorized the work on re-building Babylon to commence.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charles Grantham was the third name on Justin's list and was, apparently, an agent who was highly thought of.  He was also the first one in the week Justin had been in NYC whom he'd contacted who was prepared to meet with him.  Not having anywhere to ship his art to, Justin had only been able to bring with him a few sketchbooks.  But he had photographed his work and burned them onto a disc.  It didn't show the craftsmanship of course, but nevertheless, Grantham was suitably impressed.  But he was also curious as to why someone with Justin's talent hadn't finished art school and obtained his degree.

Not wanting to give his life history, Justin explained that things just hadn't worked out at school.    While Grantham was quite taken with him and willing to represent him, his surprise at Justin's lack of formal qualification had indicated that maybe he thought the younger man lacked the commitment it took to carve a career from his art and left Justin once more wondering whether he should have stuck at it; after all the money Brian had spent on trying to help him finish his education.

Justin showed Grantham the Art Forum article written by Simon Caswell.  “Ah ... I remember this,” stated the other man as he put on his reading glasses and took the magazine from him.  

“Mr. Taylor's large scale canvas combines the high energy impulsiveness of Pollack, plus the analytical painterliness of Johns ...” Grantham read the article out loud; re-acquainting himself with it and remembering how impressed he'd been at the time.  But then Caswell tended to gush over every hot new young thing that came to his notice.  But maybe this time, the young man who'd impressed Caswell had talent to back up his obvious physical attraction.

“But what makes his talent unique is a quality that hasn't been seen in a long time: sex appeal.  New York is waiting to be conquered ...” and Grantham looked over the top of his spectacles and frowned at Justin as he passed the magazine back to him.

“Well ... is that why you're here ... to conquer New York?” Grantham asked him.  “Because if you don't believe you've got the talent ... and the staying power ... you might as well go back home right now ...”

Justin looked at the article and nodded to himself and then looked back up at Grantham.  “I believe ... I know ... I've got what it takes ...”

Grantham smiled and opened his desk drawer and from a file, took out a copy of his standard contract.  “You might want to get your own lawyer to look at this ... but if you agree with the terms ... sign it and get it back to me and I'll do everything I can to get you and your work noticed ...”

Grantham put him in touch with a property agent who had a few possible locations which could be used as a studio and said once he had the signed contract back, he would get in touch with the relevant galleries and people who mattered in the NYC art community in order to get Justin out and about and making all the relevant contacts he could.

Going back to the apartment he shared with Rhona, that evening Justin used her computer and scanned in the contract, which he then emailed to Mel and called her to tell her it was on its way.  Setting up the computer was one of the first things Lindsay and Melanie had done.  Hopefully, it would help both of them to find work and research local topics, issues and amenities and it helped them to keep in touch with the family back in the Pitts.

Mel had used a few of her own contacts to seek legal work in Toronto, but until she started to investigate all possibilities, she hadn't realized just how different Canadian law is to U.S. law.  There was no way she could continue with her maternity leave and she would have to retrain.  In the meantime, through a friend of a friend, she'd managed to pick up some para-legal work with employers who would hopefully retain her once she'd qualified.  With her experience in the legal system, she should be accepted into the next intake at the nearest law school and hoped to fast-track and qualify relatively quickly: they needed the increased salary it would bring to help establish their new lives.  But she was more than willing to give her advice to Justin and she handed over the phone to Lindsay while she logged onto her mail.

“Hi Justin ... how's it going?” Lindsay asked him.  “Good ... if Mel thinks it's okay ... then I'm signing up with Charles Grantham ...”  “Well ... I've heard he's good ... you'd be off to a good start ...”

“But everything is so expensive here ... I'm gonna have to get a job just to scrape by ...”

“You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help, Justin ...” stated Lindsay and although she couldn't see him, Justin shook his head.  “There's no way I'm asking Brian for anything ... this is something I have to do on my own Lindz ...”

“I know,” admitted Lindsay.  “Have you spoken to him?” and it was a moment before Justin replied.  “I've only been here a week ... I haven't really had the time ...”  Lindsay was about to ask Justin how long it took to make a call from NYC to Pittsburgh these days when Mel took the phone from her and Justin breathed a sigh of relief.  How could he explain to Lindsay that he was scared of talking to Brian; of hearing the voice of the man he already missed so much; a physical pain that made his chest hurt just to think of him.

“Okay, Justin ... I've got it ... I'll take a look through it tonight and get back to you ...”  “Thanks, Mel,” replied Justin, gratefully and he put down the phone and picked up the paper.  When he'd told Lindsay that he might have to get a job, it hadn't been a flippant remark and he started to scour through the classified ads.

The following morning, Mel rang him to say that Grantham's contract was pretty standard and that if Justin was happy with the man representing him, then she foresaw no problem and Justin signed the contract and dropped it by Grantham's office.

Then, having arranged to see some properties suitable to use for a studio, Justin spent the rest of the day weighing up his choices.  One or two places were in such rough neighborhoods that Justin just didn't feel safe, while a few more were pretty run down but still out of his price range.  In the end only one location seemed viable, but it meant Justin would definitely need to get a job and fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Initially, it looked a daunting task; as well as from the the bomb blast, there was quite a lot of water damage inside the club and it needed completely gutting, but the structure was basically sound.  Having made up his mind, Brian was now determined that Babylon would be re-built and once the Police investigations were complete and the insurance money had come through, he was free to start the re-construction, which would take several weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sizable chunk of Justin's money was going on the bond and the first month's rent on his workspace.  But thankfully, the building wasn't too far from the apartment and he could walk there, thus saving on bus and cab fares.  But the next thing he would need was art supplies and they would just about clean him out.  He really would have to get a job, or sell a piece of his art, which of course was still sitting back at his studio in Pittsburgh along with the rest of the possessions that he hadn't ended up taking to the loft or bringing with him.

The rent back there was paid up to the end of the month and Justin knew he had to make a decision about it because time was fast running out.  The art was a real problem; there was too much back there to just let it all go.  He had too much time and emotion bound up in it to allow it to just be thrown out by the landlord.  Daphne wouldn't have the room for it at hers but there was somewhere else Justin thought it could be stored while he saved up to have it shipped to NYC: if the man concerned was willing. 

And while Justin was handing over the money for his studio, a memory flitted across his mind; of a conversation he'd once had with Brian about how costly everything was in NYC, back when Brian had plans to come here himself following the offer of a job interview: an interview that came to nothing in the end and who would have believed it would be Justin who would relocate here first.

True to his word, Charles Grantham started to spread the news about a fresh young talent; the latest thing to hit the art scene and for the first time ever, Simon Caswell wrote a follow-up article on someone and heralding Justin's arrival.

Justin hadn't felt at all comfortable in Caswell's presence; the man was a slimeball who continually undressed him while he was interviewing him and made no effort to hide the fact he'd rather get into Justin's pants then write a piece about him.

But he was influential in the art world and so Justin told him what he needed to know and smiled in the right places.  And all the while Justin made sure he stayed at arms length and sat demurely, with his jaw set and his legs crossed and with a sketchbook in his lap: anything to stop the man looking directly at his crotch.

Justin sighed with relief once he was able to leave Caswell's office and he headed to the art store and, once having bought the minimal amount of supplies to be going on with, set about what he'd actually come to do; to be a part of the NYC art scene and to paint.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Brian ... what décor do you want for the little girls' room?” asked Ted as he came into the office, carrying several samples of paint color and wall covering fabrics and  Brian looked up from the computer as the man held them out for him to see.

“What the fuck do I care about the little girls' room?  Most of them use the mens' room anyhow ...” stated Brian and he closed his eyes and shook his head as to why he was being bothered with such small details and Brian returned to what he was doing.  But with the renovations to the club now almost complete, it was down to the décor and furnishings; the final touches.

“CYNTHIA!”  “Yes boss,” his P.A. answered from the doorway.  “You better tell Larry ... if the Chambers' boards aren't ready by tonight ... I'll have his ass in a sling ...” “Yes Sir,” Cyn answered him and thinking that Larry would probably enjoy that, but she quickly returned to her desk to buzz the man in demand.

“Brian ...”  “You still here?” 

“The little girls' room ... the contractors need an answer ...”  “Jesus, Teddy ... I don't know ... give them pink ...”

“Christ ... why does every guy in the world think the only color we like is pink?” stated Cynthia as she hurried in and now placed a file on Brian's desk.  “Don't forget ... you have a 2:30 with Liberty Air ...”  “I won't,” answered Brian and in exasperation he stood up and reached out for the samples that Ted was still holding; waiting for an answer.  

“Here ... you decide ...” and Brian promptly handed them all over to the Cynthia and sat back down again.  “There ... no one can say I didn't consult the ladies ...” he informed both Ted and Cynthia who looked at each other.  “But I don't go to Babylon ...” his P.A. pointed out.  “No problem ... just pretend you're a dyke,” instructed Brian, smiling at her and Cynthia groaned.  

“I like the baby pink ... though the cerise is nice ...” stated Ted and Cyn rolled her eyes at him and then frowned.  “Do I have a budget?” she asked Brian, who shrugged.  “Choose what you like ... just don't bother me with it ...”

“Hmm ... well in that case ... it has to look stylish ...” and listening to Cynthia and Theodore discussing the merits of one color and wall covering over another as they left the office together, Brian reached out for the Liberty Air file.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That's the fifth inquiry I've had today,” stated Michael to Ben as the kid he'd been serving left the store disappointed.  “Hm?” asked Ben, looking up from the comic he was thumbing through.  It was lunch time and Ben had taken the opportunity to drop by the store and bring Michael the lunch box he'd forgotten to take with him that morning.

“Everyone's asking when is the next edition of Rage coming out ... now that they're married,” replied Michael and he took a bite of his sandwich.  “Ah ...” stated Ben and he replaced the comic in the rack and reached for his own lunch.

“What did you tell them?”  “What could I tell them ... that Rage and JT aren't even living on the same planet ... let alone sharing their lives ... a bed ...”

“Still ... it's a shame it's all come to an end ... it wasn't that long ago there was going to be a movie ... and now there's nothing ... have you asked Justin what he intends to do?” Ben asked Michael.

Michael shook his head.  “To be honest ... I'm not entirely sure what his intentions are ... if he has left for good ... and I'm not saying he has ...” emphasized Michael when Ben raised an eyebrow.  “But if he has ... the last thing I want is to continue with something that's gonna hurt Brian ...”

“But living in New York isn't cheap,” Ben pointed out.  “Surely Justin would be glad of anything that brought in additional income ...” and then he frowned.  “And ... it would mean you could keep in touch with him ... keep an eye on him almost ... and I'm sure Brian wouldn't mind ... it's not like they had a fight or anything ...”

“Why don't you call him?  It wouldn't hurt ...”  

“Maybe,” answered Michael.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Currently, it seemed there were very few job vacancies anywhere, but as Justin walked back to the art store on the edge of Chelsea for something he'd forgotten, he saw the help wanted sign in a window.  Ramon's Bar & Grill needed a part-time waiter and though it wasn't exactly what he had in mind, at least Justin would know what he was doing and the shift work would allow him time to paint.  He couldn't help smiling to himself; who would guess he'd ever be grateful that he learned how to bus tables under Debbie's critical eye.

Pushing open the door, Justin could see that the difference between Ramon's and the diner couldn't be more different.  It was coming towards the end of the traditional breakfast trade, but there looked to be still a fairly healthy clientèle present.  But there was no loud music coming from a jukebox or raucous and colorful language reverberating around the place.  Instead, there was middle-of-the-road, easy listening music playing and while it wasn't exactly to Justin's taste, it seemed to suit the ambiance of the establishment.  But as well as offering possible employment, for Justin, its close proximity to the art scene would make it very convenient.

Looking around, Justin caught the eye of a pretty young woman a little older than himself who was serving coffee; she wore a name-tag which said 'Chloe' and when he asked her where he could find Ramon, she informed him there wasn't one, but indicated Anton, the owner, sitting on a stool at the far end of the counter, who appeared to be taking advantage of a lull to have his own breakfast and Justin approached him.

“Anton?”  The man put down his fork and wiped his mouth on his napkin and turned to face him.  He was a little paunchy, around 50, with soft brown eyes and receding hairline, but he had a kindly face which broke into a smile as he surveyed the good looking blond in his presence.

“That's me ... what can I do for you?”  “You have a help wanted sign in the window ... I'm it ...” stated Justin confidently and the man chuckled.  “Well ... you're sure of yourself ... but I like that ...”

“What's your name?”  “Justin Taylor,”  “Well, Justin Taylor ... have you waited tables before?” 

Justin nodded.  “I've had plenty of experience ...”

Anton nodded and then narrowed his eyes.  “How old are you ... only I need someone who can tend bar ...”

“22 ... I've never actually tended bar before ... but I know my way around one ...” replied Justin.  The bar manager studied the well spoken young man, who by his accent, wasn't a native New Yorker and who obviously had breeding and he grinned.  “Country club parents huh?” he asked him and Justin couldn't help but look a little embarrassed.  “That's okay,” stated Anton, who leaned closer to him in order to whisper.  “None of us can help who our parents are ...” and he winked at Justin who broke into grin.

“Well ... if nothing else ... that smile will brighten the place up,” stated Chloe who'd come behind the bar to replace the coffee pot and Justin couldn't help but raise his eyes to the ceiling.  “Heard that before ... I bet,” stated Anton and he bit his lip and thought for a moment as he studied Justin; the young man had an open, honest and friendly face.

“Okay, Justin ... how about working a shift and showing me what you can do ... Chloe here will show you the ropes ... the lunch trade is usually pretty brisk ...”  “Thanks,” Justin answered him as Anton returned to his breakfast and Chloe grinned at Justin and walked around the counter towards him.  “Jeez ... you're lucky ... that sign only went up half-an-hour ago ...”

“Well then I guess it must have been fate ...” smiled Justin and Chloe nodded.  “Yeah ... I guess it must've been ...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin always was a fast learner and he soon picked up the routine of the bar and grill and where everything was and Chloe introduced him to the staff in the kitchen.  Today was fairly typical in numbers of people who came into eat lunch and they were very busy.  But Justin coped well and after they'd cleared up, he would have a chat with Anton about where they would go from here and if both were happy, they would then sort out the legalities.

“So ... what do you do ... other than this?” asked Chloe as they refilled the condiments together after the lunch period was just about over.  “I'm an artist,” stated Justin and Chloe sighed.  “So is just about everyone else who comes in here ...”  “Really?” answered Justin.  “I didn't think they could afford to ...”

Chloe smiled.  “Anton seems to have a soft spot for young artists ... he always gives them discount or sometimes doesn't charge them at all ... and not for the reasons you're thinking ...” she informed him when Justin raised an eyebrow.  “I think he used to have aspirations himself but didn't make the grade ... but I get the feeling he knows what it's like to be the classic starving artist ...”

“Tell me about it ...” answered Justin.

“Still ... I've never seen you before ...” observed Chloe and Justin shook his head.  “I've only been in New York just over a week ...”  

“And you got a job already? Christ ... you really have lucked out,”

“But everything here is so expensive ... I didn't realize ...”

“Tell me about it ...” stated Chloe.  “I'm putting myself through med school ... working as many shifts here as I can ... but it's killing me ...”

“But it'll be worth it,” Justin came back at her and Chloe nodded in agreement.  “But what about you?” she asked him.  “Artists aren't exactly house-hold names ... are you good ... do you think you can make a living out of it?” Justin shrugged.  “I think so ... that's why I'm here ... to find out ...”

“You need to sound a lot more confident than that, young man if you want to get on in the art world,” stated Anton, who'd walked behind them unnoticed and who now placed a hand on Justin's shoulder.  “If you are good ... you'll need to sell yourself ... or get someone to do it for you ...”

“Have you got anyone representing you?”

“Charles Grantham?” stated Justin, looking back over his shoulder at the man and Anton smiled.  “I've known Charles for years ... he's a good guy ... if you've got talent ... then he'll get you noticed ...” and he patted Justin reassuringly on the back and then he feigned disappointment.  “And then I'll have to find someone else ... and good staff are so hard to find ...” and he raised his hands and looked up at the ceiling.

“You mean I've got the job?” asked Justin and Anton grinned at him.  “You got the job ... stop by the office when you're done here and we'll talk shifts and money ...”

“Thanks ...” grinned Justin and Anton smiled away Justin's gratitude.  “When you're a famous artist ... I can tell everyone you worked here ...” and leaving Justin grinning, the man moved away.

“You'll get noticed all right,” stated Chloe and Justin grinned at her; the inference was obvious and one he wasn't apparently insulted by.

“Am I right in thinking I'm not your type?” Chloe asked him; obviously disappointed and Justin nodded.  “Sorry, Chloe ...” Chloe groaned.  “Just my luck ... I should get a job in another neighborhood ...”

“What about all those med students?” asked Justin and Chloe looked at him disgustedly.  “You mean the ones who want to study the reproductive system with me?” and Justin chuckled; he bet there were quite a few of those.

“So ... is there a Mr. Right waiting in the wings for you?” she asked him.

Justin hesitated and then nodded and smiled.  “Yeah ... there is ... at least I hope so ...”

Chloe frowned; noticing the look in Justin's eye that spoke of love and that his voice had taken a far gentler tone and then he glanced away, decidedly embarrassed.   “Wow ... he must be something special ... if that look is anything to go by ...”  “He is ...” smiled Justin and then he looked down and frowned and Chloe noticed the doubt on Justin's face. 

“What's wrong ... doesn't he feel the same way?”

“Oh no ... he loves me,” answered Justin.  “I realized that a long time ago ... although it took a bomb going off for him to actually tell me ...” and he saw the question on Chloe's face.  “Long story ...”

“But he's back in Pittsburgh ...”  “Like that's a million miles away ...” stated Chloe and she shook her head at him.

“I know ... but sometimes I think he might just as well be a million miles away ...”

“We haven't spoken since I've been here ...”

“They don't have telephones in Pittsburgh?” asked Chloe, raising an eyebrow and Justin couldn't suppress a smile.  “They have phones ... but the truth is ... I'm a little scared ...” Justin bit his lip, wondering why it was Chloe seemed so easy to talk to.  But right now he needed a friend and though he shared the apartment with Rhona, she was never home and Daphne always seemed to be in class or doing something whenever he called.  But he was drawn to Chloe and it was obvious right away how well they'd get on together and he hoped they could be great friends.

“What's to be scared about?  It this guy loves you ...”  “Brian,” stated Justin and just saying his name out loud made his heart beat faster.  “Okay,” continued Chloe.  “So if Brian loves you ... what are you scared about ... that he'll take up with someone else while you're here?”

Justin shook his head.  “No ... that's not really it ... we're both free to see other guys if we want ... that's not a problem ...”

“Brian never expected to fall in love ... he always said he didn't believe in it ... and it took a long time for him to finally admit how he felt ...”

“I'm just scared that now we're apart ... he'll start to have doubts again ...” and Justin sighed.

“Despite what he said ... I know it hurt him that I decided to come to New York.  It was like we'd just found each other only for me to leave him ...”

“If anything ... he loves me too much ... there's no way he'd want to stop me seeing what I can make of my art ... the same way I wouldn't want him to change for me ...” and Justin shrugged.  “Which is why I have to make a go of it ... I have to do this ... for Brian as much as me ...”

“But I miss him so bad ... that it's easier not to talk to him at all ...”

“I'm scared that the minute I hear his voice ... I'll want to give this all up and head straight back there ... does that sound dumb or what?” and Justin shook his head and allowed himself a rueful smile.

“No ... it doesn't sound dumb,” stated Chloe.  “But you don't want to leave it too long or he might think you don't care ... after all ... it may have taken him a while to tell you he loved you ... but now he knows he can love someone ... you don't want him to fall for anyone else ...”

Justin looked up at her as if he'd been struck by lightening.  That was something he'd never even considered: that once realizing he was capable of loving someone and in Justin's absence, that Brian might find a replacement for him.  Could that really happen?

“And another thing ... telephones work both ways ... has Brian called you?” asked Chloe.

Justin didn't need to reply; she knew what the answer was by the expression on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was no doubt that Brian experienced a grief of sorts at Justin's departure, however much he told himself they were doing the right thing.  Although having opened himself up and now willing to love openly, he knew they were right to take the route they'd chosen for the moment and he looked around the club that was beginning to take shape and with much pride at his achievements.

He had his own advertising agency, which was fast gaining a reputation for an edgy, ballsy approach and had now branched out into club ownership.  If the re-vitalized Babylon proved to be the hit that it promised to be, then he was becoming an extremely successful businessman indeed.  His path was pretty much decided, whereas Justin was still discovering his.  

Though at times Justin seemed the more mature of the two, the twelve years age difference between them was in many ways quite marked.  Brian was continually distinguishing himself in the business community, while Justin was still starting out in his chosen career; the younger man needing to explore every possibility open to him in order for them to become equals: at least in Justin's mind, for Brian had never treated him anything less than as an adult.  

That didn't make the parting hurt any less, but this time the separation was so different.  To finally accept the love Justin gave him and able to return like for like, Brian felt emotionally stronger now than he'd ever been in his life before.  Stronger, but somehow strangely incomplete; as if there was a part of him missing.

And despite their agreement that the tricking didn't matter, Brian had barely looked at another guy since Justin left; it was difficult not to compare each and every one of them to the young man who'd worked his way into his bed and eventually into his heart.  But if there was one thing Brian knew now, it was that he was free to feel.  That he didn't need to hide his emotions behind the barriers he'd used so effectively to keep hurt at bay and Justin's love had given him that strength.

But he missed Justin; Brian missed him every hour of every day: the pain of the younger man's absence not lessening at all as each day passed.  And, as each day did pass, Brian feared that Justin was getting further and further away from him.  The life he was now leading in NYC changing his priorities: Justin's life altering and increasingly not including him. 

Brian had so desperately wanted to believe Justin when he'd told him they'd see each other all the time; that their time would come around again and if the love he'd seen in the younger mans' eyes their last night together was anything to go by, then the promise was there; but who knew when and if the gods would allow.

Brian took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes; he sighed.  Wasn't he supposed to be the epitome of the gay life-style?  Permitted to fuck whomever and wherever he wanted?  Christ; he hadn't even gotten laid since Justin left; the younger man would be ashamed of him and Brian now couldn't resist a chuckle at his own thoughts and what Justin's reaction might be to that fact.  After all, Justin couldn't believe Brian had turned down the offer of a trick on his own stag night, with the blond egging him on.  If he knew that Brian hadn't so much as had his dick sucked since their last night together, he'd be demanding once more to know who the hell he was and where was the real Brian Kinney hiding.  This would never do.

And now the interviews for club employees were underway; a new manager and bar staff as well as go-go boys to be appointed: the most gorgeous and cutest guys in town and they applied for the vacant positions in their hundreds.  Word had gone round that the new Babylon would be the hottest nightspot on Liberty Avenue and that Kinney was prepared to pay top dollar to get the best.

Initially, Brian was going to leave the appointments up to Ted, who had taken additional responsibilities for getting the club up and running.  But leave Ted to choose the hottest guys?  Uh-uh.  Ted thought anyone who smiled at him and showed the slightest interest was hot.  No, this was a task Brian knew he'd have to undertake himself and studying the line-up in front of him, Brian discovered he was rather enjoying himself again, as he put the go-go boys through their paces and seeing now how seriously Brian was taking this particular task, the gang looked on and smiled to themselves.  

Though still more than a little empty on the inside, to all intents and purposes on the outside, Brian Kinney was back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Together with his tips and what he was earning at Ramon's, Justin was now bringing in enough to give himself a little breathing space, what with paying rent on his room at the apartment as well as his studio.  He felt his art was going well; he was trying to look on this as a whole new experience: viewing his new life and surroundings with the eye of a stranger.  But he did notice that most of the work he was producing was now darker and wondered whether it was the enclosed, heavy atmosphere of the city that was influencing him or whether it was coming from somewhere deep inside his own being.

In only a few weeks, Justin was beginning to feel a little more settled.  The crowd that came in the bar and grill were a mixed bunch; a few were older art students from the local college as well as their teachers and one or two unknown and established artists as well as local gallery owners, workers and agents.

Grantham kept in touch and had been able to give Justin the news that he could get him included in a show at one of the smaller galleries the following month; prompting Justin to throw himself into his art with renewed enthusiasm.  After all, the sooner he got established, the sooner he could go back home to Brian.

But he still had to rescue his art and the rest of his things from his old studio in the Pitts and it was nearly at the end of the month.  Justin couldn't afford to have any of his work shipped to NYC yet, even though it would have been useful for the show and he couldn't risk the landlord throwing everything out with the excuse that the rent wasn't paid.

But Justin didn't want to ask anyone to help out; at least not with finances, but with just the odd favor instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Would you get that?” asked Michael, when the phone rang as he was taking a delivery at the comic book store.  “What am I ... your fucking secretary?” asked Brian, feigning insult at the request and then he sighed at the look Michael gave him: relenting and putting down the comic he was reading, Brian picked up the phone.

“Mikey's massage parlor ...” and he poked his tongue out in response to the glower his friend was now giving him, but there was only silence on the other end of the line.

“Hello ...” Brian's irritated tone was obvious and just hearing his voice had struck Justin dumb;  but he knew in a few seconds that Brian would put down the phone; thinking it was a crank call, if he didn't stop him and so Justin took a deep breath.

“Brian ...”

“Justin?” Brian blinked, having immediately recognized the voice and he saw Michael glance over at him in surprise as he signed the docket the delivery man had handed him.  Swallowing, Brian turned away from his friend; wondering why the hell Justin would call the comic book store.  But whatever the reason, once over the initial shock, he couldn't believe how good it was to hear the blond's voice.

“So ... Michael got you helping out at the store?” asked Justin; his breath quickened, but he couldn't resist a chuckle.  “As if ...” Brian replied and he rolled his lips into his mouth as his heart started to beat faster and his mouth began to turn dry.  

“So ... how is the Big Apple?”  “Expensive ... everything costs a fucking fortune ... you wouldn't believe it ...” replied Justin and Brian closed his eyes, wondering if Justin had forgotten he knew how expensive NYC was; hadn't they been comparing salaries and property prices when Brian thought he was moving there?  But instead, Justin had gotten there first.

“I've got a job ... waiting tables and tending bar ...” stated the younger man and now it was Brian who chuckled.  “Debbie'll be proud of you ... but I thought you went there to paint ...” and immediately he said it, Brian regretted it.  It sounded as if he was being sarcastic and criticizing Justin's choice to move there; wondering what Justin could be doing in NYC that he couldn't do in Pittsburgh: other than be apart from him. 

“I didn't mean ...”  “I know ...” replied Justin.  “And I am painting ... and I've got an agent and a show coming up ... and Caswell did another article ... it should be out next week ...”

“I'll look out for it,” promised Brian and then there was a moment's silence.  Brian wanted to ask Justin how he was; to show his concern for him, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer either way.  That Justin was either feeling great and therefore presumably not missing him, or to hear him say he wasn't doing too good and make Brian feel guilty for not calling him: after all, telephones work both ways.

And of course, Justin was thinking exactly the same thing; they both knew exactly what was going through the other man's mind, which was why neither of them asked each other outright how they were.

So instead:  “Did the Police find out yet who bombed the club?” asked Justin.  “No,” replied Brian.  “But I'm re-opening it ...”

“You're re-opening Babylon?” asked Justin in surprise and Brian's growing excitement as they were heading closer to the date was obvious.  “It's starting to look amazing ... and you should see what the go-go boys will be wearing ... or rather ... what they won't be wearing ...”

Justin smiled and sighed with relief: this sounded like the old Brian coming through.  “Are they cute?” Justin asked him and he heard the other man smile.  “No ... they're hot,” exclaimed Brian.  

“And you chose them yourself ... of course ...”  “Of course,” admitted Brian.  “Well I wasn't going to rely on Ted for that ...” and he chuckled; wondering if in all this light, but non-committal banter, whether Justin would say if he missed him at all.

“When's the re-opening?”  “The 15th ...”

“I'll be there ...”

“You don't have to ...”

“I wouldn't miss it ...” stated Justin, earnestly and he swore to himself that he'd get together the airfare somehow or, if he had to, he'd get the bus; whatever it took, he'd be there: to see Brian and make a statement about the gay community fighting back.

“I'd like that ...” Brian admitted; his voice suddenly huskier and Justin's heart nearly broke.

Unintentionally, Brian let out a sigh; even though they'd only been apart a matter of weeks, the thought of seeing Justin again soon excited him more then he would ever admit.  But then he frowned.  “Did you want Michael?”

“Eh ... yeah ...” answered Justin and he knew Brian would be wondering why he was calling Michael when he hadn't called him.  

“Something I couldn't do for you?” asked Brian, suddenly a little hurt that Justin didn't come to him first for whatever it was.

“It's just ...” and Justin sighed.  Whatever he said, Brian would probably be upset, so he might as well tell him the truth.  “I was hoping Michael might go and collect my art from my old studio and keep it at the store ... I think he's probably the only one who's got the room for it ... until I can afford to have it sent here ... I can't afford the rent on the place after the end of the month ...”

Brian hesitated; wondering if he should offer and in the end couldn't help himself; anything to make Justin's life a little easier.  “Why can't I send it?”

Inwardly, Justin groaned; he knew this would happen if he'd asked Brian to deal with it instead.  The man had always been there for him; always helping him.  But he had to learn to stand on his own feet.

“I know you want to help ... but I can't let you ...”

“I'll send for it when I can afford it ... do you understand why I need to do that?”  Brian nodded to himself; he understood perfectly.  Secretly, Brian was proud that Justin wanted to handle things on his own; without Brian's help: even if it would have made things easier for him. But the blond just wasn't thinking.

“But you're going to find the fare to get back for Babylon's opening?” queried Brian and Justin closed his eyes and realized how stupid that sounded when he couldn't even afford to have his work shipped out to him.

“I'll ... I'll get an advance ...”

“If you thought you could do that ... you would have arranged to have your art shipped right away ...”

“I'll buy a piece ...”

“What?”

“I said ... I want to buy a piece of your work ...” stated Brian as he heard Justin start to protest.

“An original Justin Taylor to hang in the office ... before you get too expensive for me to be able to afford you ...” got in Brian before Justin could continue his protestations.

“Brian ... I'll gladly make a gift of any piece you really like,” answered Justin, a little exasperated: history was starting to repeat itself.

“You'll never get rich if you just give your work away ... that's not how you'll make a living at it ...”

“You put everything you have into your art ... I know ... I've seen you ... you deserve to get back what it's worth ...”

Justin sighed.  “You never stop do you?” he asked him, knowing that he should be angry that he was even contemplating allowing Brian to help him; again.  But in some ways, Justin hoped Brian never would stop wanting to be there for him, in just the same way he hoped to be there for the older man.  And even though they  were in different states, they were still supposed to be partners weren't they, and partners did help each other out when they needed it.

“Purely a business arrangement,” continued Brian as Justin had gone quiet.  “It might even be tax deductible ... I'll have to get Teddy on to it ...”

Justin couldn't resist a chuckle; that sounded more like it.

“So ... do we have a deal?” Brian asked him and Justin groaned.  “As long as it's a fair price ... nothing more ... then ... then we have a deal ...”

“Good ... can I choose what I like?”

“Whatever you like and ... and thanks ...”

“Don't thank me ... it's an investment ... in a promising young artist ...” and Brian let his words hang and Justin's heart skipped a beat.  It was like Brian stating he definitely saw himself in Justin's future and he couldn't be more pleased than to hear that.

There was a moments silence; both men not really knowing how to continue until finally;

“I'll hand you over to Michael ...” and Brian started to hold the phone out to his friend, who was pretending to tidy up the comics on the stand.

“Brian ...”  Brian heard Justin say his name and slowly put the phone back to his ear.

“It was good to talk to you ... I'm sorry I didn't call you before ... it was just ...” and Justin's voice trailed off.  “I know ... me too,” replied Brian, quietly and he did understand; he knew how he missed the younger man, but had still dreaded the first time they talked; knowing how much it would emphasize their separation.  And he had no doubt Justin felt the same.

“Good luck with Babylon ... I'll let you know when I'm arriving ...”

Brian smiled; he loved Justin more every day, but how could he ever pretend to himself that everything was alright while the blond was so many miles away, whatever he'd said; but he would just have to live with their decision.  They both would.

“Look forward to it ...”

“Later?”

“Later,” replied Justin and he closed his eyes and sighed with relief and amazement that they'd been given the chance of the ice-breaker they'd needed to get back on track.  Because now Justin was sure they'd be able to keep in more regular contact, even if it was still so hard to be apart.  And even though he knew he should be angry with himself for allowing Brian to help him, it just emphasized the man's love for him and that hopefully, the support they would show for each other would never diminish.

Smiling, Brian handed Michael the phone; Michael studied his friend and was glad to see that Brian didn't seem as upset or hurt as he thought the man might have been once he realized who was on the phone, but Brian didn't want to stick around and hear his friend talking to Justin.

“I'll see you later ...” and Brian mouthed his goodbye to Michael before he let himself out the door.  

“Hi Justin ... what can I do for you?” Michael watched Brian leave and he walked to the window to see him make his way to the car and lean against it for a moment before getting in and driving away.  Michael sighed; however Brian might seem on the outside, he obviously missed Justin and probably didn't want to guilt-trip the younger man by telling him so.  But at least they'd sounded to be on good terms and Michael was thankful for that.

Justin asked Michael the favor he'd rung about.  To say Michael was surprised to get the phone call and the request from him was an understatement, but he said he had the space and would be only too pleased to help out.  And Justin's call also gave Michael the opportunity to ask him if he'd made up his mind what he wanted to do about Rage.

“Everyone keeps asking ... it would be a shame to just let it go ...” stated Michael in an attempt to sway him and Justin sighed.  “I know ... but after the last one ...”  “What ... Rage and JT getting married?” asked Michael.  “Don't tell me you're sorry we did that ... and I'm sure the extra income would be useful for you ...”

“No ... I'll never regret we did that ... but it was so public ... I'm sure Brian thought it was deliberate ... flying in the face of everything he believed in ... and I'm still not convinced it didn't play a part in his asking me to marry him ... even without the bombing ... believing that's what I wanted ... what we both wanted ...”  “But he did ask you,” Michael reminded him and Justin frowned.

“Let me think about it Michael ... I don't want to do anything that might still hurt Brian and besides ... I'm just not sure I can handle it right now ... ” but Justin couldn't help but wonder if he could continue to illustrate Rage and JT stories when his heart ached more the longer he was away from Brian.

“But you're right ... the extra cash would come in useful,” he was forced to admit.  “Give me a couple of days to get back to you on that ...”

“Okay ... I won't try and push you,” answered Michael.  “And don't worry about your art and stuff ... just call the landlord and let him know I'm coming to collect it and I'll store it all in the back until you can make arrangements ...”

“Thanks Michael ... I really appreciate it ...” and Michael heard Justin hesitate.

“Is he really okay?” Justin asked him; knowing he didn't have to mention the man's name and Michael swore he could hear him wince; that Justin was waiting for Michael to tell him that Brian put on a show and how did he think Brian would feel with Justin having walked out on the man he professed to love.  But Michael had now accepted how much Brian loved Justin; how much they loved each other and if this was what they wanted and Brian never did anything that deep down he didn't want, then he, Michael would have to respect both men's decision.  And for the moment, that decision was to be apart and it wasn't up to him to make Justin feel guilty about anything.

“He's fine ... you heard him ... he's getting ready to re-open Babylon ... he's pretty much back to his old self ...” replied Michael.

“Pretty much?” queried Justin.  “Of course he misses you ... he might not say it ... but there's no way he could deny it ...” answered Michael.  He knew that Justin would want Brian to get on with his life, but realizing he wouldn't be human if he didn't need reassurance that the man missed him, regardless how Brian sounded.  

“I miss him too,” Justin stated and Michael nodded.  “I know you do ...” Justin was glad to hear Michael finally  accept the feelings he had for Brian and Justin smiled and then immediately felt guilty.  Of course there was part of him that hoped Brian missed him, but he didn't want him to be hurting and inwardly Justin was relieved to hear Brian was re-opening Babylon.  For if he was getting the club ready and showing an interest in the go-go boys, then thank God.  Brian seemed to be getting on with his life in Justin's absence and this did indeed sound like the Brian he knew and loved.

“I'm glad about Babylon ... and I will be there ...”

“Michael ... will you do one more thing for me?” asked Justin and Michael frowned.  “Sure ... what is it?”

“I know I don't need to ask but ... look out for him ... and if you think there was anything I should know ... call me?” 

“I promise,” stated Michael.  “But don't worry ... you just concentrate on being the next big thing in the art world ... then you two can sort out where you're going once and for all ...”

“I will,” stated Justin. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin rang his old landlord and told him Michael would be round to collect his art, supplies and whatever else he'd left behind.  The landlord was glad to hear from him; he wanted it removed as soon as possible as he had a new tenant ready to move in and so Michael hired a small van.  The man had been waiting to let them in and Ben helped Michael as they now carefully stored everything away at the back of the comic book store and they weren't surprised when Brian appeared.

“They're all good,” observed Ben as the three men surveyed the art pieces propped against the walls.

“No they're not,” answered Brian and the others frowned and turned to look at him in surprise.  “They're fucking amazing ...” Brian stated and he leaned forward and carefully studied the pieces and took special note of one in particular; acrylic on canvas measuring around 3ft. x 2ft.: a colorful and vibrant work which spoke of Justin.  Not the biggest piece by any means, but one which certainly caught Brian's eye.

“This piece ...” and Brian picked the canvas up and took it out into the store; he propped it up against the wall as the other two men followed him.  “I wonder how much it's really worth,” puzzled Michael.  Brian smiled; he'd been to a local gallery and checked out the work of some established artists and though of course anything created by an unknown wouldn't command anywhere near as much, Brian knew just what he could get away with before Justin would refuse to accept it.

“I've arranged for someone to come in and pack everything up professionally,” Brian informed them.  “I'm paying for that ... Justin can take care of the freight charges ...” Ben and Michael grinned at each other; Brian couldn't help taking charge whenever he had the opportunity.

“Do you want to call him?” Michael asked and Brian hesitated.  “You need to find out how to get the money to him ...” Brian sighed; “Then I guess I'm gonna have to ... I'll do it later ...” and from a holdall Brian had brought in with him, he took out a soft cloth which he carefully wrapped around the painting and he took it out to the car and laid it in the back before the men made their goodnights.

“Are those two gonna make it?” asked Ben as Michael locked up the store; the tail-lights of Brian's 'vette disappearing into the distance.

Michael shrugged.  “Well ... I can't say I fully understand why Justin had to go away now ... just as Brian was finally able to commit ...”

“But yeah ... I hope they make it,” he stated and Michael slipped his arm through Ben's.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They hadn't spoken in weeks and now it was twice in two days, but Brian waited until late; after he'd had a chance to work out what he was going to say before he rang Justin.  But he'd forgotten that Justin might be working and it was an obviously rushed blond who answered his cell to him.

Brian could hear the voices and clanking of glasses even before Justin spoke; not really supposed to take calls while working behind the bar, but he'd forgotten to turn his cell off and automatically reached for it.  Then, when he saw it was Brian, he couldn't not take the call.

“Hi ...”

“Hi ... you're working ...” Brian stated and Justin glanced around him, making sure Anton couldn't see him talking on his cell.  “Yeah ... we're busy ... I really haven't got time at the moment ...”

“That's okay ...” inwardly, Brian was a little relieved.  Like this, he wouldn't have the time to give himself away and say something he shouldn't: like how much he missed him.

“I just wanted to let you know that Michael collected everything and it's back at the store ... and I've chosen the piece ...”

“Have you ... which one?” asked Justin, really interested in knowing which of his art had taken Brian's fancy the most.

“A 3 by 2 ... lots of yellow and red ...”  “I know the one ... how much did I sell it for?”

“For what it was worth,” stated Brian and Justin had to chuckle and he shook his head; realizing the only way he'd know was when the money found its way into his account. 

“I hope it was a fair price ...”  “It was ...” stated Brian.  “I'm transferring it into your account in the morning ... you should be able to draw on it right away ... then you can get all your art together for the show ...”

Justin sighed.  “You've got it all worked out ... haven't you?”  “Well what's the point of having a show when most of your stuff is back here?  It's only practical to get it to you,” stated Brian and Justin understood the sense of it.

“JUSTIN!”

“I better go ...”  “Okay,” answered Brian.  “Later ...”

“Later ...” answered Justin and he heard the click as the phone went dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin called the freight company and smiled when he went to the bank and made arrangements to withdraw funds to pay for it.  Brian knew him too well, the payment for the painting was just right and was enough to bring his things to NYC ready for the show.  And though he hated to admit it, it did make sense.

But overnight, Justin had thought long and hard and had made a decision.  He would continue with the comic like Michael wanted.  Rage and JT weren't just his and Brian's story, it was a story for the whole gay community about surviving all the odds, with whatever powers it took.  And if  for the moment he and Brian couldn't be together, well at least the superhero could be with his lover and Justin would have to live his relationship with Brian through JT and having booked the freight company, Justin called Michael to tell him when they would be coming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Justin ... I'd like to introduce you to Marvin Bertental ...”

Charles Grantham had called Justin and said there was someone he'd like him to meet.  Once his art arrived from Pittsburgh, Justin had let Charles know there would be more than enough pieces to put in the show and Grantham had gone to Justin's studio to see his work.  Even more impressed, Grantham had gone straight back to his office and made a phone call; with Bertental's backing, Justin would certainly get noticed.

Marvin Bertental's family had made their fortune in the clothing trade and then by money-lending and over the years, Marvin had built up one of the largest private art collections in the state.  He also had a predilection for spotting new talent and once it was known that an artist had his support, it was amazing how many doors suddenly opened.

“You obviously have great talent, Justin,” Bertental told him, as he surveyed the work.  “I haven't seen anything as incredible as these for a very long time ...” Grantham winked at Justin behind the man's back and Bertental finally looked up and smiled at Justin.

“I'm giving a little soirée later this month ... I'd like you to be there ... I think it could be very useful to you ...” and turning to Grantham, Bertental held out his hand.  “You still know how to pick them Charles,” he smiled at him.  “I'll talk to you later,” and with that he left the studio to go back to his car and driver, who was waiting for him outside.

Charles grinned at Justin.  “If Marvin likes you ... you're well on your way to being accepted by the people who really matter in this city ... it will mean all sorts of opportunities opening up ...” the man informed him.  “These little soirée's ... as Marvin calls them ... normally means at least 300 people ... the guest list reads like a Who's Who in the art community and society ...“

“And you've just received a personal invitation to attend ... once you're seen and word gets round you're Marvin's latest find ... you'll soon be on the guest list of all the best parties in town ...” and Charles picked up his coat and headed for the door.

“Oh ... by the way ... it's black tie ... so if you haven't got anything you'll have to rent a tux ...” and he opened the door.

Grantham's obvious delight at Bertental's interest in Justin had the younger man's heart beating fit to burst.  This could be just the breakthrough he needed and it hadn't taken half the time he thought it might.

“When is it?” asked Justin, realizing he didn't know and would have to hire his suit in good time.

“The 15th ...” stated Charles and he grinned at Justin as he let himself out.  “I'll pick you up around 7:30 ...” the man called back at him and then he closed the door behind him and was gone.  Justin grinned and then realization dawned and he closed his eyes and groaned.

Shit: the 15th; the same night that Brian was re-launching Babylon.

So instead of being there for Brian's big night, Justin had to ring him and tell him he couldn't come.  Otherwise what was the point in coming to NYC if he didn't take advantage of the opportunities that were afforded him when they appeared.

And despite the unspoken words, Justin knew Brian was disappointed he wasn't going to be there and things seemed a little awkward between them by the end of their conversation.  Justin threw himself into his work; they both did:  it was easier telling themselves they were too busy to call.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bertental's house was huge and a private security firm had been hired for the night to oversee events and make sure there were no gatecrashers; a lot of the best people, wearing some of the most expensive jewelery in the city, were in attendance.  The fact that their host had obviously taken a shine to Justin became very evident, but Justin was beginning to dislike the way Bertental constantly  put a hand on his arm or in the small of his back as he introduced him to various people.  Marvin made no attempt at disguising the fact that he was gay; made obvious by the way he greeted several of the guests, even kissing one or two of the men on the mouth and Justin kicked himself that he hadn't picked up on that and was starting to wonder exactly what the man saw in him.

The meal was excellent and plenty of wine and Champagne flowed and Justin was guided around the room, being introduced to one group of influential people after another and was beginning to get a little heady when a very attractive man now came into view.

“Justin ... I'd like you to meet a friend of mine ... he's a partner in one of the biggest advertising companies in the city ...” stated Bertental.

“Adam Lyons ... Justin Taylor ...”  Justin's heart missed a beat; the man was so like Brian; he was the same build and coloring and he carried himself with the same confident air that only a good looking, successful man can and his tux was obviously made to measure and not off the rack.

“Advertising?” asked Justin, marveling at the career choice of the man who took two glasses of Champagne from the waiter's tray and passed one to him; despite the fact that Justin knew he'd really had just a little too much to drink already.  “Kennedy, Collins and Lyons ... I got made partner last year ...” answered the man and he smiled at him.

“So ... you're Marvin's latest find ... you must be good ... he doesn't waste his time on also rans ...”

“I'd like to think so ...” stated Justin, who found himself looking into the man's eyes; eyes which reminded him of the ones he missed so much.  Adam smiled; the attraction was obvious and Adam had already made up his mind that this beautiful, blond young man would be his before the night was through and he knew he had the charm and the patter to do just that.

And when Adam placed his hand on Justin's arm to steer him into a quiet corner where they could talk more easily, Justin could feel the heat from the man's palm burning through his clothing and he liked the way it felt.

Though it was a given between him and Brian that they could trick however much they liked, Justin had been so busy since coming to the city that the only dating he'd done had been with his right hand and the man whose eyes smiled at him over the glass was getting to him.

“What say you and I find somewhere a little less public?” asked Adam.  “Or we could go back to mine ... this will go on for hours yet ...”

Justin blinked.  “What time is it?” and Adam looked at his watch.  “Nearly 11:00 ...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night of Babylon's re-launch had arrived but without Justin with him, Brian wasn't looking forward to it half as much.  But he understood; they each had their own careers to think of and with Justin's barely beginning, he couldn't afford to take time out and come back just for this.

11:00 and the doors were about to open and Brian hadn't dared to see if there was anyone waiting to come in and he stood at the bar; nervously holding a glass of Beam in his hand.  But then Ted fought his way back through the front doors, having been outside to check out the line.

“They are 6 deep and around the block ...” he stated excitedly and Brian swallowed his drink in one gulp.  “Well ... what are we waiting for?” he asked and barely able to hide his excitement, Brian hit the remote to start off both music and lights; that oh so recognizable thumpa thumpa reverberating throughout the building and he nodded to the doorman to start letting in the eagerly awaiting crowd.

The noise of the music and the quickly filling club was so loud, Brian almost didn't realize his cell was ringing and if it hadn't been on vibrate he probably wouldn't have.  He looked at the caller I.D.: it was Justin.  Taking the call, Brian walked quickly behind the bar and into a small storage area where it was quieter than out on the floor and hopefully, where he could carry on a conversation.  But his heart was thumping and his mouth was suddenly dry and he fought to get out the words.

“Hi,”

“Hi,” answered Justin.  “I just wanted to wish you good luck ... not that'll you'll need it ... if I know you ... you would have done such a great job with the place ... they'll be 6 deep and around the block ...” Justin couldn't let tonight go without talking to him; it was a special night for both of them and he hoped Brian would at last forgive him for not being there.

Brian chuckled.  “What ... what?” asked Justin.  “Well according to Theodore ... that's exactly how they're lined up ...”

“See ... I told you ...” answered Justin and then there was a hesitation.

“I wish I was there ...” Brian closed his eyes and groaned.   Justin's voice sounded a little slurred and Brian guessed he'd been drinking. With all the arrangements to see to with the re-opening of the club, he'd forgotten this was going to be a pretty big night for Justin too.  He knew Justin felt guilty he wasn't there: he should have called him to reassure the younger man he understood, but he just hadn't got around to it.

“Shit ... I meant to call you ... wish you good luck for tonight too ... how's it going?”

“It's going pretty well ... I think ...” answered Justin.

“And it's okay,” he stated, reassuringly.  “I know how busy you must have been ... seems like we're both pretty busy these days ...”

Brian sighed and closed his eyes at Justin's words: that's what they were telling each other, but who were they trying to fool.  Both of them were finding this separation so much harder than they'd ever imagined.

Justin could hear Brian's reluctance to comment further and not wanting to belabor the point, decided that maybe it was time to end the call.

“I better let you go ... everyone will be wanting a piece of the new King of Babylon ...”  “You mean I get to take your crown back?” Brian chuckled.  “But who said I ever lost it?”  “Not me,” replied Justin and he meant it.

“Go on ... get back to your people ... and I daresay there's a few hot young studs vying for your attention ...” Brian smiled to himself at Justin's words; sure, there'd been the go-go boys, but if the blond only knew just how much the tricking had decreased in recent weeks he would probably think he was ill again.  But these days the need to prove himself still capable of getting the hottest guys just wasn't as strong as it had once been.  

“True ... but there's only one I'm really hot for ... only he couldn't make it ...” admitted Brian and he shook his head: did he really say that?  Jesus, he must be going soft and he heard Justin chuckle on the other end of the line.

“What about you ... I dare say you've got them lined up around the block too ...”

“Too many to count ...” came back Justin, not wanting to admit that there hadn't actually been anyone.  But it looked like he was on a promise for tonight.  And why not, neither of them expected the other to live like monks, it was partly what defined them.  This guy Adam was cute, but he couldn't really hold a candle close to Brian.

The line went quiet and Brian smiled at the silence; neither of them wanting to be the first to hang up.  “I hope it goes well for you too tonight ... have a good time ...” Brian stated, genuinely.  “Thanks ... you too,” replied Justin and then, reluctantly; “Later?”

“Later,” confirmed Brian and though neither man had stated just how much they missed the other, they didn't need to.

“Brian ... Brian ... there you are,” a little tentatively,Ted had come looking for him; unsure whether Brian might be otherwise engaged, but was relieved to find the man on his own.  Brian was still staring at his cell phone and only looked up when Ted said his name the second time.  And seeing the undeniably wistful look in Brian's eyes, Ted didn't need to ask who he'd been on the phone to.  

“Everyone wants to congratulate you ... you better put in an appearance ...” he said quietly and he placed a hand on Brian's arm: Brian nodded and cleared his throat; speaking to Justin had evoked more emotion than he would ever have guessed and the fact that the younger man had thought to call him, despite his own big night, spoke more to Brian than words ever would.  And, putting away his cell, Brian followed Ted out into the club, where he was immediately greeted by many slaps on the back and words of congratulation.

Michael and Ben had arrived, as had Emmett with Calvin Culpepper, the guy in swim team he'd been sweet on in high school and Blake had joined Ted.  Brian watched the room; now filled with hot, scantily clad and beautiful guys as they gyrated to the music.

“Dance with me ... like the old days ...” Michael asked him and Brian glanced at Ben.  The man smiled, they didn't need his permission and it had surprised him that Brian seemed to be asking and he waved them both off and Brian groaned as, leading him by the hand, Michael stepped up on to the small stage that took them above the other dancers' heads.

“Well ... you're the King ... you should be able to look down on your subjects ...” Michael grinned at him as the words to “Proud” rang out; practically raising the roof.

Brian smiled at him and they started to dance.  Brian closed his eyes and let the music flow over him; wishing a certain blond was with him and in his arms.  After a few minutes, Michael could tell by the expression on Brian's face that the man was no longer with him; his head was somewhere else and leaning forward, Michael kissed his friend and smiling, he turned around and climbed down from the stage; returning to Ben and leaving Brian to his thoughts.

But Michael's actions in leaving Brian and going back to Ben were more than just wanting to give his friend some much needed space to himself; to everyone who knew about their relationship, it demonstrated something so significant.  In front of everyone at Babylon, Michael, returning to his husband, confirmed once and for all that the Brian and Mikey show was finally over for good, at least on any level other than a deep, abiding friendship that would remain theirs forever.

~~~'I look into the window of my mind ... reflections of the fears I know I've left behind ...'~~~

As he danced, the words of the song filling his very soul, in his mind's eye, Brian could see Justin in front of him; with the most perfect blond hair in the world, those beautiful blue eyes and a killer smile.  And a heart so full of love it brought pain to Brian's own; knowing; believing at last that someone could love him for who he was; forever banishing his fears. 

~~~'I step out of the ordinary ... I can feel my soul ascending ... I'm on my way ... can't stop me now ... and you can do the same thing ...'~~~

Brian and Justin had come through so much, together and individually; each conquering overwhelming odds that threatened to destroy them.  Justin was bound to become the man of whom Brian could be so justifiably proud and Brian's fears of never wanting nor thinking himself capable of love had disappeared.  He was reborn; Justin's love making him strong enough to accept himself.  A love absent and something he might never experience again, but which left him more contented and complete than he'd ever felt in his life before.

Brian was still the King, not only of Babylon but of Liberty Avenue and the gay community as a whole and though his Prince might be so many miles away, he still had hundreds; thousands of loyal subjects proud to look up to him.

~~~'What have you done today to make you feel proud? It's never too late to try ... what have you done today to make you feel proud?'~~~

~~~'You could be so many people ... if you make that break for freedom ...'~~~

~~~'What have you done today to make you feel proud?~~~

Rebuilding the club had been such the right decision to take.  Babylon was better, louder and classier than ever before.  But it was also a statement; a declaration.  That it didn't matter how much the world at large sought to destroy them, the gay community would survive: rising like a phoenix from the ashes.  Very much like Brian himself.

“You'll be okay ...”

Brian opened his eyes and blinked; slowly focusing on the man now standing in front of him on the small stage and Emmett smiled; it was obvious Brian hadn't heard him: apart from the loud music, he'd been totally tuned out.

“What?”

“I said ... you'll be okay,” repeated Emmett; putting his hands on Brian's shoulders and leaning in closer so that the man could hear.

“What you and Justin have is too special ... it doesn't just disappear ... he'll be back before you know it ... you'll see ...”

Brian smiled; overwhelmed at Emmett's concern for him.  There'd been a time when Brian had thought Emmett was nothing more than a big nelly Queen, but gradually he'd realized the man had far more substance to him than that and had come to respect and even like him: a realization now fully confirmed.

“But until then ... you've got us ...” Em continued.

Brian swallowed and allowed Emmett to pull him in and hug him as the rest of the gang joined them on the stage.

“Thanks Em ...” Brian whispered in the other man's ear and he meant it.

While separated from the only man Brian would ever love, at least he had his friends to support him. But that didn't make the feeling go away; the feeling that he was like a puzzle: a puzzle with a piece missing and Brian wondered whether he would ever feel complete.


To be continued.

Many thanks to Lois who puts up with my constant re-writes!  And to Judy for her faith in me and to both of them for their continued friendship.  Julia
(Unfortunately, I couldn't get the lyrics to Proud to work in italics, so I might try and correct this later).