Chapter 5: “Gus settle down okay?” asked Vic as he brought in the last of the dirty dishes from the patio and he started to load the dishwasher. “Out like a light ... said he had the best day ...” stated Brian, smiling at the recollection and secretly acknowledging just what a special day it had turned out to be. Brian had licked his lips as he watched Daphne's car disappear out of sight; still able to taste Justin's wine-tainted breath and wondering what the kiss had really meant. Totally unexpected, there hadn't been any real passion to it, but it had left Brian wanting more all the same and a kiss like nothing he'd ever really experienced before with any other man. Whenever he'd kissed Michael, it was to say goodnight or as an expression of friendship: at least on Brian's part. Other kisses, shared with tricks, had always been a precursor to sex; lips pressed hard against the other man's: hot and bruising. But the kiss shared with Justin had been tender and sincere and had left Brian wondering whether there could be any deeper meaning. When Justin had tried to kiss him before at his apartment, it had felt so wrong; as if Brian was taking advantage of him. This time, it had been mutual and natural and possibly the prelude to so much more, if only Brian had the courage to go for it. For he was beginning to think that Justin may indeed have feelings of his own after experiencing the warmth of the young man's kiss. But Brian had never been in a relationship; had never done boyfriends: had never before needed to feel close to someone or risk falling in love and open his heart up for fear of having it broken. But following the accident, there were times when he'd never felt more alone. If it hadn't been for Vic, he would have been totally isolated and Brian had started to wonder if he were fooling himself that he didn't need anyone else to help ease the pain of what life could sometimes throw at you and he sighed. What was the point in trying to kid himself; he'd already told Justin he didn't believe in happy endings. What the hell made him think he'd ever find someone who would love him for who he was and have a happy ending of his own? And after Daphne's car was long gone, Brian had moved slowly inside the house and closed and locked the door for the night before popping back upstairs to check on his son; gently brushing the boy's hair back away from his eyes and now, back in the kitchen, he took the plastic wrap down from the cupboard and started covering the left-over salad and rice. “He wasn't the only one who had a good time today ...” stated Vic as he went out onto the patio again. “Yeah ... Justin and Daphne seemed to be having a good time too ...” Vic stopped in the doorway, having collected the empty glasses. “Yes ... they did ... but I wasn't thinking about them ...” and he moved back into the kitchen and placed the tray on the counter and put one hand on his waist, waiting for Brian to confirm his suspicions. Brian saw the man's expectation and in the end smiled and nodded. “Okay ... I had a good time too ...” “It was fun ... I admit it ...” “And nowhere near as harrowing as you thought?” “No ..” conceded Brian and he sighed; just wondering how much he'd actually missed out on in his reluctance to start living normally again after the accident. “Good ... then you'll do it again?” “Sure ... Gus isn't going to let me off that easy ...” “Maybe Justin would like to join in ...” Vic continued and Brian rolled his eyes in his head). “Is everyone conspiring to get the two us together ... Gus said the same thing ...” “And don't think I'm letting you off asking Daph and Justin over tonight ... I knew exactly what you were trying to do ...” Vic chuckled. “Like you were real upset about it ...” “Anyhow ... what makes you think Justin would be interested ... or that I'd be interested for that matter ... I'm hardly a good candidate for a relationship ...” “Ah ... so you've thought about it?” “Thought about what?” asked Brian as he continued to place the covered food in the refrigerator. “A relationship ... with Justin ... he obviously likes you ... and after what I saw tonight I hope you're not going to insult me by denying you like him too ...” Vic added, but Brian merely shrugged; knowing better than to deny it outright. “Well ... then tell me ... when did you ever meet someone like Justin and not want to fuck him the first time you laid eyes on him?” “That was different ... I was different ...” “Or is it that he's different ... from all the other guys you've ever met?” Vic asked him and he moved closer to the younger man. “Everyone says how talented Justin is ... and he's beautiful ... anyone can see that ... but it seems to me he's special ... that he's touched something in here ...” and Vic reached out and tapped Brian lightly on the chest; just around where his heart would be. “A place you've never let anyone in before ... am I right?” “What the fuck do I know about that?” asked Brian coldly, and that if it wasn't Vic standing in his kitchen telling him some home-truths then he would probably have punched anyone else out by now and he turned away. “You telling me you don't know how to love ... is that it?” and Vic groaned and returned to what he was doing. “Look ... I know you think that ... as a kid ... your parents didn't love you ... but you only have to look how you are with Gus,” “You love your son more than life itself ... so don't go telling me you wouldn't know how to love Justin ... that you're not capable ...” “Because it's obvious you like him ... and I can't remember when I last saw you this relaxed ... hell ... I don't think I ever have ... “ the older man corrected himself. “And I don't think it's all about Gus being here ...” “And Daphne says ...” “You been talking about me behind my back?” Brian asked quickly, really hoping this conversation would come to an end pretty quickly and he now turned back to face Vic, suddenly annoyed at the whole world seemingly discussing his business. “Not like that ... I didn't tell her anything ... but she said that when Justin talked about you ... that he seemed to ... to light up when he did ... that's all ...” Now Vic groaned inwardly; wishing he hadn't mentioned his conversation with Daphne at all. He knew how Brian hated to think people talked about him and he didn't want him backing off or withdrawing into himself again. “Good ... if anyone talks to Justin about anything ... it'll be me,” Brian stated emphatically and Vic nodded, but secretly, Brian's heart had given a little jump when Vic said how Justin lit up when he talked about him; so maybe the young man did have feelings for him after all. “That's how it should be ...” Vic continued and having finished loading the dishwasher and putting in the powder, he set it going. “So ... are you going to?” Vic asked him and he turned to face Brian. “Going to what?” “Talk to him ...” Vic sighed in exasperation; this was like trying to get blood out of a stone: actually getting Brian to admit he was interested in the young man enough to open up to him. “When ... and if ... I'm ready,” stated Brian; drumming his fingers on the counter and for the first time in ages, wishing he could have a drink. Well, thought Vic; from Brian's tone it was obvious that was the end of that particular conversation and knowing when to no longer pursue a topic, he started to wipe down the counter. “I'll finish in here if you want to go up ...” “Okay ... goodnight ...” stated Brian, but before he got far, he closed his eyes briefly and then turned back. “Thanks for tonight ... going to so much trouble ...” and Brian scratched behind his ear before finally turning away: Vic smiled, wondering if Brian meant preparing their meal or something else. “Goodnight Brian,” Vic answered him, as he finished clearing away and tidying up. But instead of heading up to bed, Brian made for the study. He wasn't really feeling tired and in actual fact, since Justin and Daphne had left, his mind was turning over too much to sleep and he sat down at the laptop, intending to do some work. But instead, all he could think about was Justin's kiss. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?” Daphne teased him as she stopped outside Justin's apartment building and she turned the car's interior light on. “Or are you going to be dreaming about a certain guy we both know?” Justin had stayed fairly quiet on their journey back into the city and it didn't take a genius to know what was on his mind. “Don't be ridiculous Daph ... it's not like I'm some love-struck kid ... it was just a goodnight kiss ...” Justin answered her; attempting to dismiss her suggestion out of hand. But his friend raised an eyebrow knowingly and Justin couldn't prevent the grin from spreading across his face and he looked away. “You are so busted, Justin Taylor ...” Daphne declared, triumphantly. “Okay ... I'm ... I'm smitten ... I admit it ...” “Brian's a great guy ... and he's hot as hell ... though he doesn't act like it...” “But it's not just that ... I get the feeling Brian knows what it's like to have the world cave in on him ... and I think he cares about me ... just a little ...” “Has he said anything?” Daph asked him; remembering Vic's words to her earlier that evening, but Justin shook his head. “Not in so many words ... other than he doesn't believe in happy endings ... which I thought was a bit of a weird thing to say ...” and Justin shrugged and he folded his hands in his lap and his friend studied him. “What is it you're not telling me?” she asked him and Daphne turned further towards him and Justin looked over at her. “He came to the show ...” “He did? Why didn't you tell me?” “Because something sort of happened ... well I thought it did ... I don't know ... I'm not sure ...” and he sighed. “When he looked at some of my paintings ... Brian knew ... he just knew how much pain they represented ... that I put everything I had into them ... and I told him how I was bashed ...” “He brought me home and I was tired ... no ... make that totally wiped out and sort of cut up and I ended up sobbing my heart out ...” and Daph leaned over and squeezed Justin's hand. “He held me ... stroked my hair and I really thought we'd made a connection ... that he felt something for me ... and then I went and blew it ... I almost kissed him ... but he backed away ...” “I didn't see him backing away tonight ...” observed Daphne and Justin smiled. “No ... he didn't ... but I'm not sure what I'm going to say to him tomorrow ...” “Why do you have to say anything?” she asked him. “Just go back there and get on with the portrait and see what happens ... though I take it you would like something to happen?” she asked him quietly and Justin bit his lip. “Thought so ...” and Daphne answered her own question. “To be honest,” Justin eventually continued. “I don't understand why ... well ... you know ... it's weird why we haven't done anything yet ... normally when I meet a guy and we like each other ... we can't keep our hands off each other ...” “So ... are you contravening some gay constitution that says two guys have to get into each other's pants the first time they meet?” chuckled Daphne and Justin grinned at her. “It's practically the first amendment ...” and then he sighed. “But it seems different with Brian some how ... besides ... I still don't really know for sure how he feels ... so it's a case of taking it slow ...” “And all those guy's you slept with straight away ... how many of them still hanging around?” asked Daphne and Justin shrugged. “Well ... maybe past experiences have taught Brian to be cautious ... especially if he thinks it's gonna turn out to be more than ... well ... a casual fuck ...” Justin groaned. “Why does everything you say always make such perfect sense?” and he looked at her and then he leaned over and gave Daphne a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Daph ... for everything ... and I should be able to get my car back in a couple of days so that'll make things easier ...” “Well I'll drop by and pick you up again in the morning ...” she promised him as Justin got out of the car and with a wave goodbye, Daphne drew away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Daphne hadn't been wrong. It had taken ages for Justin to get off to sleep; he kept reliving his kiss with Brian; recalling how the man had tasted and the touch of Brian's beard against his face. He tried to work out whether he'd been able to detect any signal from the man as to what he was really feeling. But eventually, Brian's emotions still undetermined, Justin sighed and, hugging his pillow, had fallen asleep. But Justin was awake really early; up with the larks and with the bright morning light already shining in through the windows, he knew he just had to paint and played with one or two ideas until he suddenly remembered the shots he'd taken at the zoo. Hooking his camera up to the computer, Justin ran through them and although he knew he was going to end up deleting them, one particular picture stood out. Brian and Gus were seated on a bench as they ate their ice-cream cones and Brian had his arm around the boy's shoulders and was smiling down at him; Gus looking up and smiling back. It was perfect; there was no way Justin could destroy this; it illustrated so strongly the love and affection between Father and son and Justin knew he had to paint their portrait; put their relationship down onto canvas. His printer had been playing up for ages and Justin knew he was going to have to replace it soon and it took several attempts before he managed to print out an acceptable picture to work from. But eventually, he was reasonably happy with the copy he'd produced and made a sketch; more or less the same position, but this time, without the ices and with the pictures pinned onto a canvas, Justin began to paint. Showering quickly in the still cool water, Justin had just dressed by the time Daphne arrived a little after 7:30 and he drove her to the hospital and then took the car back home; it was far too early to head out to WV and he went back to his painting. Around 9:15, he looked at his watch; he should be leaving soon and not even bothering to make breakfast, Justin just grabbed a quick coffee before heading off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin's heart was actually pounding when he rang the doorbell and it was Gus who'd run to open the door, watching for him to arrive. “Hi Gus ...” “Hi Justin ... did you have a good time yesterday ... I guess I fell asleep ...” the boy stated and Justin moved into the hallway and Gus closed the door. “Yes ... you did,” Justin answered him, grinning and he reached out and ruffled the boy's hair. “And yes ... I had a great time ... and so did Daph ...” “We should do it again ... shouldn't we Dad ...” the boy stated and Justin glanced up as Brian approached them. “It's okay ...” and Justin made to wave away Gus' invitation, but Brian nodded. “He's right ... we should do something like that again ... Gus enjoyed it ...” and reading Brian's eyes, Justin thought the man was really saying that he'd enjoyed it too and Justin smiled at him. “Are you going to get ready Gus?” Brian asked his son; the boy not yet changed into the blue shirt he wore for the portrait. “I forgot ...” and Gus shot off and up the stairs and the two men smiled at each other. “He wouldn't stop talking about the zoo over breakfast ...” Brian informed Justin as they made their way through the house. “I had a great day ...” stated Justin. “And thanks again ... for asking us back last night ...” “That was Vic's doing ...” Brian reminded him, but then he came to a halt at the door to the conservatory. “But I'm glad you came ...” he admitted quietly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Wow ... it's a real scorcher today ...” observed Vic as he took in a jug of iced-tea just before 11:00. Gus' session had finished and Justin was continuing from the photograph and even with the air-conditioning on full, the air was getting a little stifling. “Why don't you take a break before lunch and go for a swim ...” offered the older man. “I didn't bring my swim suit with me ...” replied Justin, but acknowledging that sure sounded like a good idea. “Well I don't think I have anything you'd want to be seen in ...” Vic chuckled. “But I'm sure Brian wouldn't mind loaning you something of his ... I'll ask him ...” Vic offered and then he disappeared only to come back not two minutes later. “I can't find him ... I think he must be down at the stables with Gus ... they said earlier they wanted to make sure Buttons had enough water ... but I know where everything is ... it's not a problem ...” Justin put down his brush and wiped his hands. “Well ... if you're sure Brian won't mind ...” he asked him and Vic shook his head as he led Justin upstairs and Vic went into Brian's room; Justin hesitated in the doorway, remembering the last time he'd been brought up here. “Are you sure this is okay?” asked Justin, feeling uncomfortable and strangely nervous at entering Brian's room without the man's knowledge, but Vic opened the bottom drawer of the dresser. “Well I do all the ironing and generally put it away ... I know where Brian keeps just about everything ...” the older man chuckled and he brought out a swim suit Brian no longer wore and handed it to Justin. “It may be a little big on you ... but it has a drawstring waist ... so you should be able to pull it in okay ...” and he passed them to Justin and indicated the ensuite bathroom. “You can change in there ...” and Vic frowned. “You know ... I fancy going in myself today ... I'll get some towels and meet you out by the pool ...” and with that, the older man disappeared to go and change. Justin hesitated for a moment before heading into the bathroom and closing the door behind him and he quickly changed. Then, picking up his clothes, he moved back into the bedroom. Something on the dresser caught his eye; a picture frame he hadn't noticed before, but he couldn't now help staring at it. The silver frame held a photograph of a man, looking to be in his late twenties and holding a baby and with his clothes tucked under one arm, Justin couldn't resist picking the photograph up to study it more closely. It was Brian; it had to be: holding Gus, who could only have been a few weeks old and Justin's jaw dropped open. Even though he thought Brian incredibly attractive now, the clean-shaven man in the photograph was beautiful; dressed in only jogging bottoms and bare chested and Justin frowned. Brian still obviously worked out; he was older of course but still in great shape, but why on earth was he covering up that beautiful face of his with a beard and then Justin closed his eyes. Of course; the scars. They weren't a figment of his imagination; what he'd felt had been real and not something he'd dreamed up after all. And Justin realized also that this was one of only a few photographs that he'd seen around the house. But the others were all of Gus on his own; one as a baby and another that looked like a standard school photograph. “Find everything you need?” asked the voice flatly behind him and Justin whirled round: being deep in thought, Brian's voice coming out of no-where made him jump out of his skin. “What ... sorry ... yes ... thanks ... Vic said it would be okay ...” stuttered Justin and he closed his eyes, seeing the look of annoyance in Brian's eyes and hearing it in his voice and the man walked over to him and took the frame out of Justin's hand. “It's a beautiful picture ...” Justin offered as a means of defense as to his curiosity and Brian nodded and studied it himself for a few moments before placing it back on the dresser. And then he looked back at Justin and saw the troubled look in the young man's beautiful blue eyes; worried that he'd overstepped some mark and Brian caved in; thinking he doubted he could ever stay mad at Justin for very long and he then stepped back to look at him: Brian smiled and put his hand up to his mouth. “What ... what is it?” chuckled Justin; relieved that Brian hadn't been offended by his inquisitiveness and he looked down at himself and bit his lip. “The trunks ... they look a little big on you ... just as well we're all guys together ... wouldn't want you having a little accident ...” chuckled Brian and suddenly all Brian wanted to do was reach out and pull that damn drawstring; it would take very little effort to get Justin naked right now. And the blond looked up at him and smiled back; the two men holding each other's gaze and, for a moment, Brian thought he might just do it; pull the string and allow the trunks ... “Dad ... I can't find ... oh ... hi Justin ...” and Gus frowned; having walked in on the two men, wondering where his Dad was and what was taking him so long to get changed and to tell him he couldn't find Justin. They'd returned from the stables and seen Vic in the pool and both Father and son had decided that looked like a great idea and Gus had asked if Justin could join in too; his Dad had said yes and the boy had run off to find him. Justin reddened and smiled at him and hoped Gus would be too young to realize the sexual attraction between the two men; an attraction that was becoming more difficult for either of them to deny and that if Gus hadn't walked in on them then he might just have undone that drawstring and stepped right out of the trunks. But Gus hadn't missed the way both his Dad and Justin looked right now and he frowned at a sudden memory. It reminded him of the way Uncle Mikey and Uncle Ben had looked, the first time he remembered walking in on them kissing, one time when they'd come up to Toronto to see his little sister. Gus had grown up knowing he was different to a lot of kids in that he had two Mom's, but thankfully, in Canada, he wasn't made to feel an outcast because of it. And, if that were the case, then surely it would mean he could have two Dad's as well. “I'll be down in a minute ... ” Brian told his son and Gus looked from Brian to Justin and back again, before nodding and giggling as he raced back downstairs. “I guess I better let you get changed ...” stated Justin and he smiled at Brian before turning around and following Gus; Brian sighed. “Yeah ... I guess you better had ...” he agreed quietly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The next day, Justin remembered to bring his own swim suit with him and hoped the daily swim might now become part of the routine. Neither Brian nor Justin would want to admit it of course, but the swim and the resultant late lunch could become a rather useful delaying tactic: inevitably holding up completion of the portrait, which would obviously mean Justin would be around a lot longer than originally planned. Justin didn't mind; the money from the sale of his work at the art show had come through and he'd managed to pay for the work on his car and collected it that morning and relieved to get his own set of wheels back at last, as well as pay off his back rent: something Burrows actually looked annoyed at, but how annoyed, Justin didn't find out until a little later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having caught up with his Mom for the first time in ages at the art show, this evening, Justin met up with her again. He'd turned down several invitations to dinner recently, owing to the fact that Tucker was bound to be there. But seeing how much Brian enjoyed having Gus around, Justin felt a pang of guilt; begrudgingly looking at his and his Mom's relationship from Jennifer's point of view and realizing how selfish he'd been in not spending as much time with her as he should. After all, he'd only ever have one Mom and she'd stuck by him by demonstrating her love time and time again while struggling to come to terms with Justin's sexuality and standing up to Craig. So, Justin went to dinner and tried his hardest to like Tucker. With his sister, Molly, away at college, unfortunately, there wasn't anyone else to share the conversation with and from time to time he'd struggled to find something to say to his Mom's boyfriend, reluctantly accepting it didn't look like these two were going to break up any time soon and in actual fact how happy his Mom seemed to be these days. Thinking back, there were times when Jennifer had looked pretty miserable; the kids not realizing the extent of their Father's infidelity, but since she'd been with Tucker, Jennifer certainly seemed to have a twinkle in her eye. Tucker was attentive, Justin had to admit that and openly affectionate towards Jennifer, something that Justin had a few problems with initially; watching the man slip his arm around her waist or put his hand on her knee or kiss her neck when he thought Justin wasn't watching. More than once Justin had shuddered; thinking about them actually “doing it”. But when he looked at his Mom, he had to acknowledge just how beautiful a woman she still was and he couldn't blame Tucker one bit for being taken with her and after dinner as Justin helped to clear the dirty dishes away, Tucker diplomatically withdrew and allowed Mother and son a little time together. “I haven't been very fair ... have I ...” Justin admitted, as he followed his Mother out to the kitchen and placed the dirty dishes on the counter top.” “About you and Tucker ...” he continued when he saw his Mom's confused expression and Jennifer reached out and patted his cheek. “I know this whole divorce thing hasn't been easy for you ... or Molly ... but for the first time ... well for the first time since I can't remember when ... I feel like a woman again ...” “Tucker makes me feel young ... desirable ... sexy even ...” and she grinned mischievously at him. “MOM ... T . M . I ...” declared Justin; screwing up his face and making a show of covering his ears, which only made Jennifer laugh all the more and then Justin reached out to her. “It's good ... to hear you laugh like that ... I can't remember the last time we laughed as a family ... you ... me ... Dad ...” Before Justin could add Molly to the list, Jennifer frowned and pulling her son into her, she hugged him tightly and they held on to each other for several long moments before she pulled back: tears in her eyes. “If your Dad can't see ... what a ... a ... gifted and beautiful son he has ... well that's his loss ... not ours ... and certainly not yours ...” Jennifer told him sincerely and this time it was Justin who pulled them close and held on, before they both pulled back, smiling; not at all embarrassed by their shared affection and both having to wipe a stray tear from their eyes. “So ... what about you?” Jennifer asked him as she reached for her purse on the kitchen table and searched frantically for a hankerchief with which to blow her nose. “Do you have a boyfriend, Justin?” Jennifer asked him and her son chuckled. “I remember the first time you asked me that ... on the drive to Nike town ...” “Well ... it's a lot easier for me to say the words now then it was back then ... I can tell you ...” she admitted, but it didn't pass Jennifer by that Justin hadn't answered her question, so she asked him again. “Well ... is there anyone?” and she eyed him suspiciously. “There is ... isn't there ...” she challenged him affectionately, seeing his reluctance to answer her, but Justin merely shrugged. “I'm not sure ... I'd like there to be ... but I'm not really sure how he feels about me ...” “Have you asked him?” “NO ...” came the answer. “Well you're not going to get very far with a negative attitude like that ... you won't know unless you ask ... but what young man wouldn't want to have you on his arm any way?” she asked him, reaching out to brush Justin's hair away from his eyes and Justin smiled and briefly closed his eyes. “What?” “He's not exactly what you call a young man ... I mean he's not old ... but he is quite a bit older than me ...” “How much older?” asked Jennifer; her eyes narrowing and Justin realized he'd suckered himself right in and he groaned. “About 10 ... 12 years maybe ...” “Ah huh!” exclaimed his Mom triumphantly. “But that's still not as much as you and Tucker ...” “It's enough for you to take notice of ...” his Mother observed; amused at her son suddenly defending his, for want of a better word, relationship with this older man when he'd berated her so much about the age difference between her and Tucker. “So what does he do ... this older man ... is he financially secure?” Justin looked at her in disbelief. “What does that matter ... I'm not the type who expects to be a kept man ...” but he saw his Mom's raised eyebrow: she wasn't going to let up, but Justin bit his lip as he wondered whether he should tell his Mother about the famous writer he was working for. In the end, he knew he was unlikely to get away without being a little more forthcoming. “It's someone I'm doing a portrait of his son for ...” “He has a son?” asked Jennifer; somewhat confused; still not totally getting her head around gay parenthood. “Gus' Mom's ...” and he saw Jennifer's eyes widen further at that information. “Gus' Mom's live in Toronto ... he comes back to see his Father during the school breaks ... in West Virginia ...” “West Virginia ... there's some really nice property out there ...” stated Jennifer' in Realtor mode and Justin nodded. “It's a beautiful house ... with stables and a pool ... Gus has a pony ...” “Well ... he must be set up pretty well to be able to afford that ...” Jennifer observed, but she was still a little unconvinced about his suitability as potential son-in-law material and even more apprehensive when Justin continued. “His name's Brian ... Brian Kinney ...” Justin informed him and he saw his Mother frown. “I'm sure I know that name ...” “He's a writer ... writes screenplays ... he had one released a couple of months ago ...” “Really?” she asked him, visibly impressed, but Jennifer shook her head; not really associating the name she thought she recalled with that of a movie writer. “So does that mean he's into an L.A. lifestyle ... drugs ... wild parties ...” she asked him, but Justin chuckled. “Hardly ... from what I've seen I'm not sure he even drinks ...” and then Justin visibly sighed. “He's a nice guy ...” he stated quietly. “And hot ...” Justin continued: grinning at her and his Mom smiled back. “You're really keen on this one ... aren't you?” Jennifer asked him, having been aware of Justin's varying degrees of success in his love-life and so desperately wanting her son to be happy and Justin ran his hand along the surface of the counter. “Yeah ... I am ...” he admitted quietly and Jennifer reached out to cup his cheek with her hand. “Then you go for it ... and good luck ...” she wished him warmly and Justin smiled. “Everything okay out here?” asked Tucker from the doorway; concerned about what had kept the pair of them in the kitchen for so long; hoping he wasn't still the cause of a continued rift between Mother and son and both Jennifer and Justin turned towards him and linked arms. “We're fine ... just fine ...” Jennifer smiled at him and so did Justin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin had returned to his apartment building in a relaxed and happy mood; he'd got on better with him Mom and Tucker tonight than he'd ever expected to; reaching a new understanding with Jennifer that usually comes with continuing maturity and Justin hadn't realized he was whistling softly to himself as he climbed the stairs to the top floor; cursing the meanness of the landlord for not fixing the elevator. The apartment next to Justin's had been empty for a couple of weeks and in the light of the lowest wattage globe Burrow's thought he could get away with, Justin could just make his way home in the gloom, unaware that the door he'd just passed was ajar. Justin unlocked his door and stepped inside and had just reached out and turned on the light when he was physically picked up from behind. He heard the man grunt with the effort and could hear the labored breathing and felt it against his neck; heavy with tobacco and whiskey and Justin reached out to grab the door frame, but the sheer weight of the man carried him forward towards the sofa. “GET THE FUCK OFF ME ...” and even though he couldn't see the man, Justin knew who it was; Burrows had been waiting for this chance since Justin had moved in. Justin was placed on the floor and the man pushed him down onto his knees and forward. Justin tried to brace himself, but couldn't hold back the man's far superior weight and strength and was forced; face hard down into the cushions. Burrows had one hand threaded through the blond hair and with his weight against him, holding Justin down, he fumbled around the young man's waist until he found his belt buckle. With one arm caught between his own body and the sofa; Justin reached around with the other; but with no way of obtaining the strength he needed, failed to make any blow count. Burrows managed to undo Justin's buckle; the younger man's breathing coming in short gasps as he sought oxygen; his nose and mouth pressed into the fabric of the sofa and his heart and head pounding. Justin knew what was going to happen; he knew he couldn't fight the man off and knew also it was highly unlikely that Burrows had thought to have already put on a condom. He was going to be raped, dry and with probably no protection and suddenly Justin wondered whether Burrows might lose it altogether and kill him; the panic rising inside him as the stronger, larger man fought to pull down the zipper on Justin's jeans. With his one free arm flailing, Justin suddenly came into contact with something smooth and hard and managed to grab a hold of the empty soda bottle that he'd left on the side table. Taking as deep a breath as was possible and summoning up all the strength he could muster, Justin brought his arm back. Burrows was leaning further forward, over Justin's shoulder, desperately trying to open the zipper in order to pull Justin's cock out of the young man's jeans when the glass bottle made contact with the side of Burrow's head. Justin had felt Burrows hand rubbing him in his attempt to get inside his clothing and having let go of the blond's hair, his attacker had pulled Justin's tee out from the waistband of his jeans; his next move would be to try and remove them. That's when Justin hit him. Having made contact with the man's head, Justin heard the pained yelp and felt the man slip sideways; his weight lifting off Justin just long enough to allow the younger man to push himself backwards and Justin sat down on the floor; trying to recover his breath. “You hit me ... you fucking hit me ...” Burrows sobbed. There was a long gash along the man's forehead; not too deep, but enough to curtail his attempt at assault and blood came away on Burrow's fingers as he explored where the bottle had made connection. Justin struggled to his feet, but Burrows was between him and the door and when Justin tried to pass him, the man reached out and grabbed his ankle, bringing Justin crashing back down. Justin kicked out and caught the man's hand with his other foot. Breaking the hold Burrows had on him and scrambling up off his knees, Justin tumbled out the door and losing his balance, fell against the wall in his panic as he attempted to make his escape down the hallway: almost falling down the stairs as he made to get away. Hitting the coolness of the night air; Justin leaned against the brickwork of the building; trying to recover his breath and not throw up. He was shaking and his head was pounding fit to burst and if he wasn't careful, this was likely to bring on one of his horrendous headaches. Justin searched the pockets of his jeans. Fuck. He'd been holding his car keys and cellphone when he'd unlocked his apartment door and must have dropped them when Burrows grabbed him. He didn't have his wallet either; it must have dropped out of his pocket during the scuffle. All he had was a few coins in his pocket; enough to make a phone call from a public booth, but not enough for cab fare. His breathing was still shallow and rapid and, feeling a little dizzy, Justin had to hang on to the outside of the buildings as he made his way to the end of the street where there was a pay phone: he could call Daphne. Daphne's phone rang out; both her home and cell: she must be on duty at the hospital and Jodie obviously wasn't at home either. Shit. Her place was too far to walk, not that Justin thought he was in any state to make it. He didn't want to call his Mom; she would totally freak and remind him how she didn't want him to move into that apartment building in the first place, but there was one other number he had; Brian's. Justin remembered it because it was such an easy combination: 555-1535 and with his hands still shaking, he hit the buttons. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was now after midnight and Vic had turned in for the night, but Brian was still working when the phone rang; he picked it up quickly, so as not to disturb the whole house-hold, but his tone was annoyed at the late interruption. “Kinney ...” but all Brian could hear on the other end of the line was labored breathing. Thinking he'd got a hoax caller, Brian was about to hang up when he heard the voice on the other end, struggling to make the words. “Bri ... Brian ...” gasped Justin. “Justin?” Brian's initial annoyance turned into concern; there must be something very wrong for Justin to ring this late. “Where are you ... what's wrong ...” “I'm about ... half-a-block from my apartment ... phone booth ... on the corner ...” and the words came out rasping and in short gasps. Brian didn't wait for his question as to what was wrong to be answered: “I'll be there as soon as I can ...” and putting the phone down, he rushed upstairs and woke Vic. “Justin's in some sort of trouble ... watch Gus for me ...” and with Vic still trying to make sense of what was happening, Brian rushed back downstairs and grabbed his car keys, cell and jacket as he went out the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian knew he was driving too fast, but twenty minutes later and ignoring all the speed limits, he turned into Justin's street. There wasn't any phone booth at this end and he drove slowly passed the apartment building, searching for the young man along the sidewalk. In the light from the street lamps, Brian could now see the phone booth at the end of the block, but there was no sign of Justin, who was hunkered down inside the booth; the door open so the light wouldn't come on and so that he wouldn't be noticed. But seeing the BMW approaching, Justin managed to get to his feet and unsteadily stepped out into the air. Brian saw how shakily Justin had stepped outside the booth and brought the car to a sudden halt and hurriedly got out and ran across the road to catch the younger man before he fell. Brian looked at him; he couldn't smell any alcohol, but he needed to be sure it wasn't anything else. Helping Justin across the street, Brian opened up the passenger door and gently sat him inside the car and then crouched down; trying to study him in the interior light, he put his hand on Justin's knee. “Justin ... are you hurt?” and slowly, the younger man shook his head. And although he hated to have to ask, Brian felt he didn't have a choice. “Have you taken anything ... are you on something ...” Justin blinked; trying to take in what Brian's was saying and suddenly angry the man appeared to think that whatever had happened must be his fault. “No ... I haven't ... I ... I ...” “Okay ... take it steady ... take a deep breath...” “Do you want me to call anybody ... do you need a doctor?” Justin shook his head. “I tried calling Daph ...” and Justin took a deep breath and swallowed. “But she must be working ... I daren't call my Mom ...” Brian frowned; whatever had happened, Justin obviously didn't feel he could take it to his Mother's and his best friend was unavailable. There was only one solution. “Then you're coming home with me ...” Brian stated and he closed the car door and made his way around to the driver's side and making sure Justin was buckled up, Brian started up the car engine and moved off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes; trying to unscramble his thoughts and trying not to think what might have happened had he not been able to get away from Burrows. Opening his eyes and straightening up in his seat, Justin slowly looked across at Brian. The man was concentrating on his driving and not attempting to ask Justin any questions, though he must be burning to ask what had happened to get the young man in this state, and Justin closed his eyes again and leaned back against the cool glass. From time to time, Brian glanced across to Justin. Moving out of the city into the country; with no street lighting to illuminate the inside of the car, Brian could just make out Justin's features in the moonlight. He could see the young man was pale, but his breathing had normalized, where before it was coming in short gasps. Neither of them had spoken since they'd driven off, with Brian leaving it up to Justin to tell him what had happened when the young man was ready. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vic got up and, putting on his robe, went downstairs to make some coffee while he waited to hear from Brian; he didn't want to go back to sleep in case he was needed and just over an hour after the man had left, Vic heard the BMW pull up on the drive and went to the door to meet him. Brian took Justin by the elbow and helped him out of the car; the young man walking a little ahead of him up the pathway to the house when the door opened. Vic stood on the doorstep and as Justin approached, he could see by the expression on the young man's face that he was pretty upset about something. He glanced at Brian, who shook his head; motioning to Vic for him not to ask Justin anything and he closed the door behind them. Brian put his hand gently on Justin's shoulder, but couldn't help noticing that the young man flinched at his touch. “Go through to the living room ...” he told him and Justin nodded slightly and moved off. Vic put his hand on Brian's arm. “Are you okay ... do you need me?” he asked him, but Brian shook his head. “Thanks ... no ... I don't know what happened yet ... but you go up ... I'll talk to you in the morning ...” and Vic nodded and made his way upstairs. Going into the living room, Brian found Justin sitting on the sofa, his head leaned back and with his eyes closed. “You look like you need a drink ...” stated Brian and opening his eyes, Justin tried to smile at him and he nodded. “Thanks ...” Going over to the cabinet, Brian took out the bottle of Beam and poured out a hefty shot and took it back to Justin. “Aren't you going to have one with me ... I don't like to drink alone ...” Justin asked him as he took the glass; his hands still shaking slightly. Brian rolled his lips back into his mouth as he deliberated and then, for the first time since the accident when Gus was in the house, he went back and poured one for himself. “Okay ... just a small one ...” and took his drink over to the armchair; sitting across from Justin. Justin took a large swallow; feeling the warmth of the liquid work its way down to his stomach and hoped he'd keep it down and Brian watched him and took a sip of his own drink. Justin rolled the glass around in his hands. “I'm sorry ... when I couldn't get hold of Daph ... I didn't know who to call . ..” “That's okay ... I'm glad you did,” Brian reassured him and he looked down in his glass. “I take it you can't go back to your apartment?” and Brian looked up; Justin shook his head. “It's okay ... you don't have to tell me anything ... you can stay here tonight ...” and Brian took another sip. There was silence, but eventually Justin spoke. “My ... my landlord tried to rape me ...” Justin stated quietly and Brian blinked but said nothing: allowing the younger man to continue uninterrupted. “He'd made his feelings pretty clear since the moment I moved in ... but I thought I could handle it ...” “He must have been waiting for me ... when I came back from visiting my Mom's ... there's never much light in the hallway and I'd just opened my door when he came up behind me and grabbed ahold of me ... forcing me inside ...” Brian heard the catch in Justin's voice as the young man took a deep breath. “He held me face down on the sofa ... I couldn't breathe ... I knew he was going to rape me ... but I did wonder whether he might kill me ...” and Justin swallowed the rest of his drink. “I managed to grab hold of something ... I think it was a soda bottle ... I'm not sure ... anyhow ... I hit him with it and he fell off me ... he grabbed hold of me when I tried to escape ... but I managed to get away ...” “I can't go back there ...” he stated and then Justin groaned. “But all my stuff is there ... my art ... everything ...” and he put his hand up to his face. Putting his own glass down, slowly, Brian moved across and sat beside Justin; removing the empty glass from the young man's hand, which he placed on the side table. Reaching out, he stroked Justin's shoulders; his hand coming to rest at the nape of Justin's neck and Justin gasped. He'd made up his mind that this time, he wasn't going to cry in front of Brian like some girl and he fought to keep the tears; a combination of shock and relief, at bay. That was until Brian moved closer and held him tighter and Justin gripped Brian's hand and leaned back into the older man's shoulder and closed his eyes as memories of struggling to recover from a previous attack came flooding back and Justin couldn't stop himself from shaking. Ten minutes later, Brian helped him up off the sofa and took Justin up to the spare room; Vic had already thought ahead and made up the bed and Brian couldn't help smiling: that was so like the man to be prepared and do something without even asking. Justin sat on the bed; suddenly, he was incredibly tired and couldn't summon up the effort to undress himself and Brian hesitated, not totally sure whether after the young man's experience, that his assistance would be welcomed. But slowly, he crouched down and started to undo the laces on Justin's sneakers and he removed them. Looking up at Justin, the young man smiled his reassurance and taking the hem of his tee in his hands, took the garment up and over his head and Brian took it from him and placed it on a chair. Brian winced; there were bruises around Justin's waist and lower chest that the younger man didn't seem to be aware of; presumably where his attacker had held on to him tightly. And obviously totally comfortable and secure in Brian's presence, Justin pulled off his jeans and handed them to Brian who put them with the tee. Justin slid under the covers and Brian heard him let out a deep sigh. Brian turned to leave, but Justin turned to face him. “Stay ... don't go ... I don't really feel like being on my own ...” Brian blinked, but getting on the bed; lying on top of the covers, he lay close enough to Justin to feel the heat from the young man's body, but without any contact. Not quite touching, but knowing the other man was there, it was only moments before Justin was asleep and Brian lay awake: listening to the young man's breathing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had eased himself up off the bed shortly before dawn; Justin still sound asleep. And, in his slumbers, the young man had moved into him; Brian automatically putting his arm protectively around his shoulders and that's how they were when he'd woken up. Brian lay there for a moment and, for the first time in his life, realized how good it felt to just lay with another man in his arms. When Justin was recounting his attack, Brian had once again felt the anger rise within him at the thought of anything happening to Justin. And it was then that he realized the extent of his feelings for the blond whose head was lying on his shoulder; feelings that quite likely, the younger man would never get to know. Brian knew they couldn't wake up together like this; Justin might misread it for something deeper: more meaningful. But never having allowed anyone to share his life; never allowing someone inside the barriers that he'd learned to protect himself with over the years, Brian was terrified. Terrified of loving someone and terrified of never being in love; maybe going his whole life without ever knowing what it was like to share his heart and soul with someone else, but terrified also of opening up and giving his heart to another, only to have it smashed to pieces. Which is why he'd always tried to convince himself he never needed anyone. But maybe that wasn't true any longer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin woke around 9:00 and thought he was alone, but as he turned his head, he caught movement; Brian had been sitting in a chair and seeing Justin wake, now got up and walked towards the bed. Justin propped himself up on his elbow and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Headache?” Brian asked him. “A little ... I get some really bad ones sometimes ... since the bashing ... I've got some pills ... but they're back at the apartment ...” Justin answered him and Brian nodded. “If you like ... I'll go and get your stuff ... you were right ... you can't go back there ...” Justin sighed and lay back down on the pillows. “What the fuck am I gonna do?” “Go and take a shower and come down for breakfast ... we'll talk ... I've had an idea ...” stated Brian and he smiled at him before turning around and leaving; for the last few hours, he'd been trying to work out a solution to Justin's predicament and wanted to run something past him. Justin grabbed a quick shower; earlier on, Brian had briefly left Justin to go and talk to Vic; to let the other man know what was happening and to say good morning to Gus, who was bound to be wondering what was happening and might even be a little worried that his Dad hadn't appeared that morning. Vic had come back up with him and retrieved Justin's tee, which was grubby from the manhandling and had quickly put it in with the laundry and dried it and it was now clean, pressed neatly and lying with his jeans. Justin was glad to immerse himself totally in the hot water of the shower and he winced a little when he felt the bruises; inspecting himself in the mirror, he was thankful that they didn't seem too bad and hopefully, would only last for a few days. Going downstairs, Vic presented him with toast, cereal and coffee; the others already having eaten. Brian watched him while he ate; helping himself to another coffee and after Justin had finished, Brian finally outlined his idea. But first, he told the young man to follow him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The garage was huge; big enough for three cars, but housed Brian's BMW, a couple of bikes, which nowadays, Brian rarely used and the riding-on lawn mower. But it was the rooms above the garage that had given Brian inspiration and it was to there that he now led Justin. “This is where the chauffeur would live ...” and Brian chuckled at the ostentatiousness of it all. It was a studio apartment, which included a kitchen area and with a separate bathroom; it had come furnished when Brian bought the house and he hadn't bothered to do anything with it and everything was still covered in dust sheets and in good condition. The main room was light and airy with not only windows looking out to the back of the property, but a large skylight; allowing in a vast quantity of natural light; it would make a perfect home and studio combined. “Are you serious?” Justin asked him, when Brian told him what he proposed and the young man walked around the large room; trying to take it all in. “Don't you like it?” Brian asked him, suddenly wondering if he'd made a fool of himself in offering the accommodation and Justin stuttered in reply. “What ... like it? What's not to like ... it's ... it's ... perfect ... but I'm not sure I could afford it ...” “I'm not asking you to pay rent ...” Brian informed him, surprised that the young man even thought that he would, but he saw Justin's expression and understood. “Call it an investment ...” and he saw Justin continue to frown. “No strings ...” Brian assured him and he almost held his breath waiting for Justin's reply. Justin bit his lip and scratched behind his ear; an action that Brian always found so appealing, before the young man eventually smiled at him. “You've gotta deal ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin was desperate to retrieve his artwork, but was determined to go back with Brian and face Burrows if he had to and he still had to get his car back to the house in WV. But despite fearing what Burrows might do with his possessions, Justin needed just a little more breathing space to get himself together and he and Brian spent the next hour going through his new home and making a list of everything he might need. Vic was with Gus in the paddock when Justin and Brian came down from above the garage and Gus waved at them. Brian disappeared inside the house, saying he had a call to make and asked Justin if he'd ask Vic to go and see him and so Justin walked over to the stables, where Gus had dismounted from Buttons and was unsaddling him. Justin gave Vic Brian's message and the man left them. Gus had talked to Justin about Buttons often enough, but had actually never taken his new friend down to see him. And Justin patted the animal and fed him carrots and the two of them seemed to become buddies straight away and Justin looked around him. This surely was a wonderful setting; the nearest neighbors' house just visible through the line of trees that separated the two properties. Away from the city and taking a deep breath, Justin drew the clean air into his lungs and for a moment closed his eyes and listened to the quiet. Justin could see the attraction of living here; he'd grown up in the suburbs in an upmarket neighborhood himself; a house complete with pool, but nothing anywhere near as grand as this. And although he'd got used to the noisy, dirty and overcrowded city and the only apartment he could actually afford on his own, the environment here was perfect to wind down in and to find some breathing space and, almost certainly, conducive to inspiration. And a chance of being this close to Brian was just too good to be true. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had made a phone call himself and got Vic to make another one and, thirty minutes later, all four of them got into Brian's BMW and drove off. Their first stop was the little terraced house that Brian used to know so well and Debbie was waiting on the doorstep as the car door opened and Gus got out. Brian needed Vic's assistance for what they were about to do and needed someone to watch Gus and, for a moment, when the electric window was lowered as Brian smiled at his son; telling him he'd be collected later; he locked eyes with Debbie: the first time he'd seen her in just about three years. Gus ran to her and turned to wave to them from the step; Debbie's hands on the boy's shoulders. Eventually, Brian turned away as he put the car into gear and moved off and, for a moment, thought he'd seen something in Debbie's expression; regret and not just a little pain. But was it for what he'd done or for what they'd lost: he couldn't be sure and in any case, didn't have time to think about it now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They dropped Vic off at the closest U-Haul to Justin's apartment and Vic signed for the van that Brian had booked by telephone earlier and then followed them. Burrows didn't appear to be around when they climbed the stairs to Justin's apartment; the door was closed but unlocked and apart from there obviously having been a scuffle, nothing appeared to have been touched. Justin sighed with relief as he picked up his wallet and car keys from the floor and found his cell under the sofa, where it must have been kicked during the assault. Thankfully, the headache had never really materialized, but the first thing Justin retrieved from the medicine cabinet was the vicodin, which he put in his pocket, just in case. Leaving Justin to take care of his artwork, Brian and Vic started to load everything else into the storage boxes that Vic had thought to bring with them for taking out to the van, or carried things down in their arms. Luckily, Justin had managed to cover up the portrait he'd started of Brian and Gus; he didn't want the man to see it yet, but, as he handed it up into Vic, the cloth slipped. Vic looked at him and saw Justin's consternation; “I'll make sure he doesn't see it ...” the older man whispered to him and he winked and Justin smiled; a little embarrassed and patted Vic's arm. An hour later, all of Justin's things had been retrieved; artwork, materials and possessions loaded into the van and his clothing laid on the back seat of his car; Vic drove off in the van as Justin dropped the keys to the apartment into Burrows mailbox. “I'll follow you ...” stated Brian and Justin hesitated; something telling him not to ask Brian what it was he was about to do and he left the older man standing in the hallway and went out to his car. Brian looked around him; there was no-one else in evidence and he knocked on Burrows' apartment door; the first one inside the building. “Delivery for Burrows ...” called out Brian, when he didn't get an answer and the door was opened slowly and the man peered out. Brian looked at him in disgust and couldn't fail to see the cut and large bruise which had appeared on the man's forehead and Burrows looked at Brian in confusion. “I thought you said you had a delivery ...” said the man; looking at Brian standing on his doorstep empty handed. “I have ...” came the reply. The first blow caught the man in the stomach; Brian's fist almost disappearing into the surplus flesh and the man doubled-over and gasped as the air was knocked out of him. “That's from Justin ...” stated Brian and then he landed the second blow; catching Burrows on the chin and sending him sprawling backwards; the man falling heavily on his ass. “And that one's from me ...” To be continued. With grateful thanks to Lois for her wonderful betaing and putting up with my re-writes and to Judy for her advice, and to them both for their continued treasured friendship.