Chapter 4: Justin really thought he'd blown it. When Brian had left the apartment, Justin had groaned and dragged himself up off the sofa and just tumbled on to his bed without even undressing. Brian must think he was a real moron for coming on to him like that and maybe he'd misread the signs that the man was interested in him and that all he'd felt in those strong arms that encircled him had been friendship. But it wasn't long until exhaustion overtook him and it was almost noon the next day before Justin woke up. “Shit ...” Justin grabbed the clock and took a closer look, just in case he'd misread it and crawling from the bed, he grabbed a towel, a change of clothes and his toilet bag and headed for the bathroom down the hall. But he didn't stay there long; the water in the shower was freezing, the damned landlord was cutting back again. “That's another week you're behind ...” Burrows reminded him as he met Justin in the hallway. “Don't worry ... you'll get your money in the next few days ...” Justin informed him and he couldn't fail to notice the look of disappointment on the other man's face: he had plans for Justin if the young man didn't come through with the rent and now it looked like he might not get his hands on him after all. But the truth of the matter was that still being relatively unknown, the art he'd sold would just cover Justin's outstanding bills and in a few weeks, he'd likely be back to square one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was almost 1:00 by the time Justin arrived at Brian's; the man not really expecting him after last night. But now, opening the door, Brian realized just how disappointed he'd been when it looked like Justin wasn't going to show. “Sorry I'm late ... I overslept ...” “That's okay,” answered Brian. “I wasn't really expecting you ...” and he stepped back to let the younger man in. Brian had been in the study when he'd heard the doorbell ring and had expected Vic to answer, but on the third ring, had been forced to go himself. Justin hesitated in the hallway and Brian couldn't fail to see his embarrassment. “'bout last night ...” “Forget about it ... I have ...” Brian informed him as he turned away and Justin's heart fell; he'd actually hoped that Brian would remember it: remember their closeness and even wonder what might have happened had he stayed, for the longer he spent in Brian's company, the more attracted to him Justin was becoming and he'd started to hope that Brian might feel the same way. Brian was a man of mystery; though never volunteering any information about himself, Justin felt there was something in Brian's past that the man wanted to keep hidden. Justin was so sure he'd detected more than friendship in Brian's concern, but something in the man's reaction told him he wasn't used to having guys fall all over him of late. But Justin couldn't think for one moment why that was and would never dream it was because Brian himself wouldn't let anyone get close. When Brian said he'd forgotten about the previous night, he'd hoped Justin didn't detect the lie in his voice. How could he forget last night; holding the younger man in his arms; so close he could almost taste him and wanting to comfort him; chase away whatever demons were still dragging him under. And when Justin had looked up at him with eyes still filled with tears but mixed with confusion at Brian's sudden coldness, Brian had hated himself for pushing him away, but knowing he had no choice. Justin was like no one he'd ever met before. When he looked at him, Brian sometimes thought the younger man could look straight through him. Or worse; look down deep inside him: those blue eyes boring into his very soul and he couldn't allow that. Justin didn't know him; what he'd done and what he still carried with him and when he'd reached out to touch Brian's face: well Brian hoped he'd pulled back before Justin had a chance to touch the scars. Justin watched as Brian turned his back and for a moment, thought he saw something in Brian's eyes that contradicted the words that came out of his mouth. But now, looking at him, something else suddenly came to mind. Justin knew he'd been pretty upset last night and remembered now reaching for Brian; stroking his face. And remembered vaguely that he thought he felt something beneath the man's beard; hard ridges along his lower cheek and jaw line. Scars? Was Brian's face marked? Is that why he grew a beard or had he imagined them? With his mind working overtime, Justin was making his way to the conservatory, when he couldn't help hearing Gus calling from upstairs. “Dad ... Mom's on the phone ...” and Brian excused himself to go back to the study to take the call. So, Gus' Mother was still around and trying to understand who and what Brian Kinney was, Justin couldn't help but be curious as to his relationship with her and couldn't resist asking Gus about her, even though it wasn't his normal nature to pry. “Where is your Mom, Gus?” Justin asked him lightly as the boy trotted into the conservatory. “Toronto ... Mom and Mama took me and my sister up there to live ... I come down to see Dad during the holidays ...” replied Gus as he settled in the chair and Justin smiled. Well now, maybe things were starting to make a little more sense on that score at least. Lesbians ... well at least they still needed the guys for one thing, thought Justin and who wouldn't want a kid by Brian? Brian had become wary about Lindsay's calls. It was okay when Gus was back home, but when he was with Brian he dreaded them, just in case there was something he needed to tell her; like Gus had a stomach ache, or had fallen off his roller skates: giving her and Mel any excuse to come and get him and cut his visit short. But this time at least, he only had good news for Lindz; that everything with Gus was good and that the painting was well underway and beginning to look great. And when Lindz had asked about the artist, Brian had merely said he seemed okay. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had now, very reluctantly decided he couldn't spend all his time watching Justin work; that it might give the young man the wrong idea and had taken himself off to try and do a little research for his next movie. As long as Gus was occupied for a little while, then he might as well do something for himself and for the first time, Brian was absent from their session and Justin began to wonder if the man was trying to avoid him. Later, when Gus had gone to use the bathroom, Vic brought in coffee and sandwiches into the conservatory. He'd been in earlier to say 'Hi' and seen that Justin had looked a little flustered and guessed he'd been in a rush and not had time to eat. “So ... how did the show go?” Vic asked him and Justin nodded as he took a swallow of coffee. “Good ... thanks ...” “I expect you got loads of interest ...” ventured the older man and Justin thought he caught a twinkle in Vic's eye. “Yeah ... I did ...” Justin answered; deciding not to expand any further and Vic nodded. Last night after Brian had been up to check on Gus, he'd come back downstairs and asked Vic if he could take him up on his offer to look after the boy while he went out. Vic had heard Brian come in just after midnight and he'd looked at the clock. The art show was due to close at 10:00, so presumably, Brian had been with Justin since then. At breakfast, Vic wasn't going to say anything, assuming that if the man wanted him to know any details, then he'd tell him. But after Gus had gone up to brush his teeth and Vic was loading the dishwasher, Brian helped take the rest of the dirty breakfast dishes over to the counter. “In case you're wondering ... nothing happened ...” “Did I say anything?” Vic asked him, looking over at him. “No ... but you were dying to ask” came the reply and Vic shrugged. “You were a pretty long time doing nothing ...” observed the older man. “I took him home ... we had coffee ... and talked ... nothing more ...” “You sound disappointed ...” Vic stated and now looked at him square on and Brian blinked and looked away. “He's just a kid ...” “He's mid-twenties ...” stated Vic. “Hardly a kid ...” “That still makes me too ... makes him too young ...” and Brian sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Seems to me you're just making excuses ...” Vic came back at him. “Justin seems a very mature young man to me ... you just can't get it into your head that someone might actually still find you attractive can you ... and might like you for who you are?” Vic asked him and Brian had looked down at the floor. “There's a lot about me Justin doesn't know ... and I'd like it to stay that way ...” “The accident was years ago ... when are you going to stop beating yourself up over it?” Vic challenged him. “What ... instead of everyone else you mean?” Brian stated coldly. “But it isn't just the accident,“ Brian continued. “I was a different man back then ... and I'm not sure I want Justin knowing who I was ...” Vic frowned. “That doesn't sound like the Brian Kinney I know ... no apologies and no regrets ...” and Vic reached out and put his hand on Brian's shoulder and moved closer to him. “You know what I always admired most about you?” he asked him and Brian shrugged. “You were who you wanted to be and you didn't give a damn ... you were your own man ... you had your code ... your own rules ... and you lived by them ... good or bad ... and fuck everyone else” and Vic squeezed Brian's shoulder in affection. “It takes courage to do that and I don't believe for one minute you don't possess the courage it takes to still be the man you want to be ... and if that now includes letting someone like Justin into your life ... then what the hell's wrong with that?” Vic sighed and taking his hand off Brian's shoulder, the other man hesitated and then made to move away from him, but Vic hadn't finished yet. “Maybe you did stuff back then you know you shouldn't have done ... but we all do that ... and all we can do is live with the decisions we made ... but instead of shutting him out ... why don't you talk to Justin ... let him make up his own mind ...” Vic asked him, but unable to answer, Brian had turned and now made his way to the study and tried to concentrate on his work. And that's where he'd stayed until forced to open the door to Justin; Vic suddenly no where to be found. And now, while Justin had Vic on his own, he took the opportunity to ask about Gus' Mother. “So ... Gus' Mom's live in Toronto?” “Yeah ...” Vic answered him. “Lindz ... that's his birth Mother ... she and Mel moved up after that bombing in Pittsburgh some years back ... the one at Babylon ...” reminded Vic and Justin nodded. He remembered; he'd planned to go there himself that night, but in the end, something had come up which prevented him. “That was bad ... I was almost there ...” and Justin picked up a sandwich. “Well ... Brian practically lived in the place ... it was only luck he wasn't there when it happened ...” stated Vic. “He did?” and Justin tried to rack his brains but nowhere in his memory could he visualize having seen Brian before, in all the times he'd been to the club himself. “But he stopped going a long time ago ... after ...” and Vic caught himself. Damn. Justin was so easy to talk to, you found yourself telling him just about anything. But it was up to Brian to tell Justin about the accident, for seemingly Justin hadn't heard about it himself, which was surprising, since Liberty Avenue had certainly wondered why their very own Brian Kinney had suddenly stopped frequenting all the clubs and bars like he once did. Justin frowned; he'd caught Vic's hesitation and realized the man knew he'd been about to say more than he should have. There was obviously so much more to Mr. Kinney than he could have imagined; and he was so curious to find out what. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin's session with Gus had finished for the day; the boy having had more than enough and Justin was now working from the photographs. After a while and taking a break, Justin took the tray back to the kitchen: Brian was there. “Any idea how much longer you'll be ... on the painting?” asked Brian and Justin hesitated. Although Brian had said he'd dismissed what had happened the previous night, the fact that he sounded as if he was eager for him to finish, then the man obviously hadn't and must want him out of the way as quickly as possible. “I guess another week ...” answered Justin, trying to hide his disappointment. “Only ... I think Gus could do with a day off ... I've been promising him a trip to the zoo since the start of the school break ... so could we leave it ... for a day?” Brian asked him, though the real reason was he wanted to put a little distance between the two of them, while he tried to sort out how he felt. And if that meant delaying the completion of the portrait, then so be it. “Sure ... no problem ...” answered Justin. “I need to get my paintings back from the gallery anyhow ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was Daphne's day off and she'd come over early to help Justin get his art back from the show. “I'm sure he wants me out the way ...” stated Justin as Daphne helped him lug his paintings up the stairs to the apartment. “Did he say that?” she asked him. “Well ... no of course he didn't exactly come out and say it ... but he did ask me how long it would be until I finished Gus' portrait ...” and Justin put down what he was carrying and unlocked the door. “That sounds a fair question to me ... besides ... didn't you say he'd promised his son a trip to the zoo ... can't be much fun for a kid to be sitting having his portrait painted ... he deserves a day off ...” stated Daphne, and she walked over to Justin's workbench in the middle of the room and laid down the paintings she'd brought up. “I guess,” shrugged Justin, rescuing his work from the hallway and he smiled. “Gus is a such great kid ... and he and Brian seem to get on so well ...” and Daphne saw Justin's face cloud over. She knew what he was thinking; that he used to have such a great relationship with his own Dad, until Craig discovered he had a fag for a son and the man's prejudices then outweighed his love for Justin. Daphne reached out and patted his arm. “He'll come around ...” but Justin shook his head. “No Daph ... I sometimes think Dad would rather see me dead than gay ... I wish ...” and he stopped; about to say he wished he got on with his Dad as well as Gus and Brian obviously did. “You know ... it's been years since I went to the zoo ...” Daphne informed him and eager to change the subject and she grinned at him and then she groaned. “When is the landlord gonna get the damn elevator fixed?” she asked him and Justin took her by the elbow and steered her back outside. “Just one more trip ...” he promised her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Initially, Vic had said he didn't mind if Brian and Gus went to the zoo by themselves, but Brian said he would actually feel a lot more comfortable if the man was with them. Brian only had a vague recollection of going to the zoo as a kid; family outings weren't really much of a priority in the Kinney household and his one memory of such a time, was of his sister Claire, whining about something and getting on his parents' nerves. But it was Brian who'd felt the full force of his Father's annoyance when he spilled his carton of drink down his new white tee and Jack had slapped him; something the 7-year Brian had never forgotten. Even at that age, Brian knew not to shed tears after such punishment; for more than once that had brought on yet another slap for being a cry-baby and so even as a child, Brian had learned to keep his emotions under wraps. But Brian had never laid a hand on Gus; even when the boy misbehaved like all kids do: testing to see just how far they could go. He didn’t dare. The one thing he'd never want to become was anything like his own Father: for the fears that he once held that he might, had kept him apart from Gus for too long already. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gus loved the aquarium with all the colored coral and the different fish, many looking like they'd been created in the Disney studios with their different colorings and shapes and was totally fascinated by the sheer size of the sharks housed in the open ocean tank. Next it was Kids Kingdom, where they could watch the California sea lions in their training session and Gus got to pet the gentle white-tailed deer along with the young goats and lambs and he'd giggled at their soft, tickling tongues licking his hand. And then after lunch there was the Discovery Pavilion, where he could climb through a tunnel; popping up amidst the meerkats, or walk through a 40-foot bat fly-way, something that didn't really appeal to Brian and he made an excuse to keep well clear. But Brian and Vic couldn't help smiling at the boy's obvious excitement and Brian had tried to make himself relax and forget everything else that had been happening in the last few days. “Dad ... can I have an ice-cream?” asked Gus as they passed the vendor's wagon. “After what you had for lunch?” asked his Father and he shook his head; why was it boys of that age seemed to have hollow legs. “I'll get them,” offered Vic and he left the two of them watching the wooly monkeys. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Where to now?” asked Daphne. They were standing outside the black bear enclosure and had already been to see the gazelle, kangaroos, penguins and aquarium all before lunch. Daphne had only been half-joking when she'd mentioned to Justin about how long it had been since she'd been to the zoo, but after they'd sat down, exhausted at having brought all of Justin's work back to his apartment without the use of the elevator, she'd thought it over and suggested that they actually go. - O - “The zoo?” asked Justin. “The last time I was at the zoo I was twelve ...” he'd stated as he handed Daph a soda. “You're never too old for the zoo ... it's ... it's educational ... ” she'd informed him. “And besides ... you never know who you're going to meet there ...” Justin had pulled a face and then the penny dropped. “You just want to see him for yourself ...” he grinned at her and all Daphne could do was grin back. So now they were standing outside the bear enclosure and looking through the handouts to see where to go next, but so far there was no sign of Brian. “What about the primates?” suggested Justin and Daphne nodded and then, having slipped her arm through his, that's where they headed off to. They'd rounded the corner and suddenly Justin stopped. A hundred yards or so ahead, he saw Vic hand over to Brian and Gus their ice-cream cones and Justin stepped back. This suddenly felt very strange and if Brian saw him, he was bound to know the young man had gone to the zoo deliberately in the hope of meeting him there. “What is it?” asked Daphne as Justin quickly pulled her back. “Oh my god ... he's here ... isn't he?” she whispered and slowly, Justin pointed out the little family group in the distance. “Jeez Justin ... you were right ... he is hot ... and what a cute kid ...” Gus and Brian had gone to sit on a bench to eat their ices and Vic's attention had been caught by something in one of the enclosures and he'd moved away from them. They couldn't hear them from where they were of course, but Brian had said something that had given Gus the giggles and then Brian had found the boy's hankerchief in his pocket and handed it to him while Gus ate his ice. And then Justin could hardly suppress his own laughter; watching Brian trying to eat his own ice-cream and not spill any of it on him: he definitely didn't look too comfortable with it and obviously hadn't had a lot of practice in that particular skill. Suddenly, Justin remembered he had his camera with him and quickly, he took it from his bag and snapped a few shots. But then he stopped as he continued to watch the little scene and his heart went out to Brian and he was now sure why it was Brian was always there when Gus was sitting for his picture. For as much as Justin hoped otherwise, he realized it wasn't just to watch him work, but that Brian absolutely adored having the boy around and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. You could see it in his face and Justin couldn't imagine how Brian must feel when Gus' visits had to end and the boy went back home again. Brian's love for his son just radiated from the man; it was in his eyes and in everything he did: their closeness when Brian leaned over to talk to him and putting his arm around the boy's shoulder's, the ruffling of Gus' hair, the straightening of the collar on his shirt, the way he genuinely listened to what Gus had to say and always gave him sensible and thought out answers. And now he saw Brian reach across and wipe Gus' chin and watching them almost seemed obscene; that they were intruding on something very personal and wonderful and Justin put his camera away. When he'd agreed to come to the zoo with Daphne, Justin had got it in his head that they would just “bump” into Brian: that he'd get a chance to see him in an environment other than the house and that the other man might get used to having him around. But now they'd found them, Justin didn't want to disturb them and he took Daphne by the elbow and they started to move away. “JUSTIN ...” called the voice and Vic waved at them and Justin groaned. He was hoping they would be able to get away unnoticed but Vic walked right up to them. “Well now ... this is a coincidence ...” stated the man and Justin saw how he raised an eyebrow. “I ... I just happened to mention to Daphne that I had the day off because Brian was taking Gus to the zoo and ... and she said she'd like to go too ... to the zoo ... didn't you Daph?” Justin struggled for something sensible to come out and he saw Vic nod and smile in total disbelief and then the man turned to Daphne; Justin so flustered he was forgetting his manners. “Well ... it's nice to meet you Daphne ... I'm Vic ...” and he held out his hand, which Daphne took. “I'm sure Brian will be pleasantly surprised to see you here ...” Vic smiled at them. “Well ... we were just leaving ...” “We were?” asked Daphne. “I mean ... yes ... we were ...” but it was too late to make an escape; someone else had spotted them and Gus made a bee-line. “Dad ... look ... it's Justin ... JUSTIN ...” and wiping his hands on his hankerchief, Gus ran over to him. Brian blinked and frowned; the very person he was trying not to think about was just a hundred yards or so away and getting up, Brian threw the remainder of his ice-cream in a nearby trash can and wiped his hands on the hankerchief he took out of his pocket. “Hi Justin ...” “Hi Gus ...” Justin smiled back at him. “You having a good time?” “Sure ... isn't it neat ... did you see the sharks yet ... or the bats ... aren't they great ...” Daphne shuddered; neither the sharks or the bats were exactly cute and furry and not her bag at all, but it sure was a boy-thing and she grinned at him and Gus studied her. “Hi ... I'm Gus ...” “Hi Gus ... I'm Daphne ...” and she saw the boy frown. “Are you Justin's girlfriend?” he asked her and Daphne chuckled. “Well ... I'm a girl ... and I am Justin's friend ...” and she put her arm through Justin's: Vic smiled and put his hands affectionately on Gus' shoulders. Brian held back as he saw Justin had a companion with him, but at his son's insistent calling he sighed and went over to join them. “Well ... this is a surprise ...” and Brian allowed himself a slight smile and then melted as Justin looked up at him; those beautiful baby blues blinking and a slight blush starting to creep across the younger man's face. “Aren't you going to introduce us?” Brian asked him; forcing himself to look away and he smiled at Justin's companion. “Oh yes ... of course ... Daphne ... this is Brian Kinney ... Brian ... this is my best friend ... Daphne Chanders ...” stuttered Justin. “Hello, Daphne ...” said Brian quietly and he held out his hand. “Mr. Kinney ... wow ... it's so great to meet you ... I'm such a fan ...” “Daphne!” chided Justin and Daphne suddenly looked awkward. “That's okay ... glad to see I have one fan at least ... and it's Brian ...” Brian smiled at her and then he looked back at Justin and it was a few moments before any thing more was said. “So ... you decided on a trip to the zoo too?” asked Brian eventually and Justin smiled weakly. Daphne looked at Justin and then at Brian and couldn't miss the way the men held each other's gaze and she glanced at Vic; Vic had seen it too and he squeezed Gus' shoulders. “Why don't we go check out the elephants?” he suggested, with a slightly raised eyebrow and incline of the head. “I love elephants ...” exclaimed Daphne. “Can I come too?” “Sure,” answered Gus and much to Daphne's surprise, the boy took her hand and led her and Vic away; Daphne glanced back, Brian and Justin hardly realizing they'd been deserted and she couldn't resist grinning to herself: so far so good. It was a few moments before it registered with either of the two men that they'd been left on their own, but neither of them wanted to acknowledge the reason why their friends thought they should want it that way. “So ...” and Brian eventually looked away first and dug his hands deep into his jeans pockets. For now being in the younger man's company unexpectedly, his initial annoyance had given way to the realization that now seeing him, his heart was thumping and he was finding it difficult to think straight. “So ... looks like we've been dumped ...” smiled Justin; trying to keep the mood light and he scratched behind his ear. Brian's thumping heart missed a beat: the blond was so damned cute when he did that. “I guess ... I guess we should catch up ...” suggested Brian, finally finding his voice and Justin nodded. “Where did they say they were going?” he asked him. “I think they said something about elephants ...” and Brian shrugged and Justin chuckled. “Then I guess that's where we should head too ...” Brian nodded in agreement and moved off; Justin fell into step beside him and allowed himself a grin and thankful that Brian seemed okay with him being there. Brian decided not to make a big thing of Justin being at the zoo the same time he was there with Gus and Vic, but he knew it couldn't have been a coincidence. Secretly, he realized he was flattered that Justin would want to seek him out in his spare time and he began to wonder exactly what Justin thought of him. Could he really dare to hope the young man might actually find him attractive; desirable even? Making their way to the elephant house, Brian and Justin slipped into comfortable conversation. Brian asked Justin some more questions about his success at the art show and about his art in general and Justin repaid the compliment by asking about Brian's work as a screenwriter. Neither of them wanted to mention the episode at Justin's apartment or the fact that they were both at the zoo at the same time: they didn't want to spoil the apparent ease they felt in each other's company by complicating matters. It was now getting late in the afternoon and enjoying Justin's company and away from anyone else, Brian suddenly didn't want it to end and as they approached the elephant house, he stopped and put his hand on Justin's arm, the younger man almost jumping at his touch. “Do you really wanna go see the elephants?” he asked him and Justin frowned. “Well ... I guess I'd survive if I didn't ...” “Then why don't we go grab a coffee instead ... leave the kids to it ...” and Brian's stomach lurched; hoping the blond wouldn't turn him down, but Justin just chuckled. “You including Vic in that statement?” Justin asked him and Brian nodded. “Believe me ... Vic's a big a kid as anyone in Gus' company ... they won't miss us one bit ...” and taking heart at the huge smile Justin gave him, Brian changed direction and they headed for the coffee shop. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two lattes later, Brian's cell rang: he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the ID. “Vic ...” and he looked at his watch as he answered it: amazed to discover they'd been in the coffee shop for almost an hour. “Where the hell are you ... or maybe I shouldn't ask too many questions ...” chuckled Vic in Brian's ear and Brian blinked; grateful that Justin couldn't hear him. “We'll meet you outside the elephant house in ten minutes ...” “Forget the elephants ... we moved on to the rhinos ages ago ...” chuckled Vic again. “But don't let me disturb you ... you're obviously busy ...” “The rhinos then ... in ten ...” Brian stated, trying to ignore the leg-pulling that was coming his way and he ended the call. “They about to send out a search party?” asked Justin, who had glanced at his own watch. Where did the time go when he was enjoying himself so much? Brian looked at him and nodded. “Something like that ...” and having paid the check, they made their way outside. Damn; he and Justin seemed to be getting on so well: both men finding the other so easy to talk to and eager to listen and Brian wasn't the only one who felt a little reluctant to have to go back and join the others. Looking at his watch, Brian could hardly believe it was almost 5:00 and neither could he believe how quickly the day had passed and at how much he'd actually enjoyed it and hadn't even noticed how busy the zoo was: after all, it was the school holidays. Since the accident, this was the first real “Dad” thing he'd done with Gus and realized now that as the boy was getting older, he'd need more structure to their time together. But it wasn't just Gus who had made this a special day. Gus had watched Brian and Justin make their way across the compound towards them and even at his young age, he noticed something. Justin was grinning broadly; half turned towards Brian and gesticulating to emphasize whatever they were discussing and Brian smiling in return as he listened and talked with the younger man. Normally, Gus only saw his Dad as comfortable as that when in his Mom's or Vic's company and the boy frowned. Being with Justin obviously made his Father happy and the boy was sure his Dad was sad every time he had to go back home to his Mom's, so maybe Justin could be his Dad's new friend. But it wasn't only Gus who noticed that Justin and Brian seemed to be getting on so well. Daphne hadn't seen her friend as happy as this in a long, long time and Vic couldn't ever remember an occasion when Brian spent time in the company of an attractive young man that he wasn't automatically trying to bed. Having now met up with the others, Gus had slipped between the two men and took his Dad's hand and Justin frowned. He'd noticed Gus watching them and began to wonder whether the boy was jealous of him being with his Dad; knowing that if he tried to get closer to Brian, then that might become a problem. But suddenly, Gus reached out and took Justin's hand too; an action not unnoticed by any of the adults as they made their way towards the exit. Daphne and Vic exchanged glances as they watched the three men in front of them and they saw Gus look up at first one and then the other and say something and they saw Brian and Justin smile at one another. “That is sooo cute ...” whispered Daph and Vic grinned; how could Brian say now he had no interest in the young blond and, as a bonus, Gus seemed to like Justin too. Walking out the gates to the parking lot, they came to Brian's BMW first and using the remote, Brian unlocked the doors and Gus dived in the back and started to strap himself in. Brian leaned against the roof of the car and the four adults looked at each other; seemingly reluctant to say goodbye and even Brian at a loss for words; in the end, it was Vic who broke the silence: determined to move things on a little further. Knowing Brian since he was 14 and never having seen him react this way in another man's company, Vic knew, even if Brian wouldn't acknowledge it, that the man was more than a little interested in the young blond. The Brian Kinney before the accident would have fucked Justin at the earliest opportunity and moved on. The Brian Kinney since the accident most probably wouldn't even have left the safety of Vic and Gus and gone for coffee with a young man on his own. There was obviously something about Justin that drew Brian out of himself and that on its own was no mean achievement. “Daphne ... why don't you and Justin come to dinner tonight ...” asked Vic; knowing exactly what he was doing by directing his question at her and he ignored the sudden look of panic both Justin and Brian gave him. But before anyone else could speak, Gus leaned out the door. “That would be great ... please Daphne ... Justin ... say you'll come ...” “We could have a barbecue out by the pool ... it's still pretty warm ... so make sure you bring your swimsuits” Vic continued. “Maybe they have other plans?” suggested Brian, but only half hoping the invitation would be refused but gallantly offering Justin a way out if he needed it. “I haven't ... I'd love to come ...” stated Daphne before Justin had a chance to speak and she grinned; going along with what Vic was trying to do and inwardly Justin sighed. Gus was watching him intently, obviously willing him to say yes, even if he didn't really understand why it was so important. Now Daph was grinning at him and Vic was waiting for an answer and Brian was studying his shoes: but maybe what he said now could have a bearing on what lay ahead for the both of them and that the chance to spend more time in Brian's company shouldn't be casually thrown away. “Sure ... we'd love to come ...” Brian's heart leaped; wanting Justin to come and wishing he'd refused all at the same time and wondering again, why he couldn't always think straight when the young man was around him, but now he looked up at him and smiled. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They watched as the BMW drove past and getting into Daphne's car, Justin groaned; having second thoughts. “Why did I say that ... that we'd go to dinner ... it's not like I don't see him when I'm out at the house ...” “That's different ... you're working ... this'll give you another chance to chill out together ... and what could be more relaxing than a barbecue around the pool ... in your undies ...” giggled Daphne. “Swimsuits,” corrected Justin. “And you're forgetting ... I've already seen him stripped down to just his jeans ...” and he couldn't help smiling at the memory. “Yeah ... but I haven't,” stated Daphne and grinning at him, she started the engine. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With Gus still excited by their trip to the zoo and talking constantly, Brian had hardly said anything during the ride back to the house. But Vic was sure the man was secretly pleased that Justin was coming to dinner and it was around 7:15 when Justin and Daphne arrived, having swung by both their places to pick up swim suits and towels. Vic already had the barbecue heating up and had thawed the steaks and burgers out in the microwave. Having recently stocked up, there was plenty of salad, rice and potato salad and beer, wine and sodas chilling in the cooler; the summer evenings still pretty good. Brian had put up the umbrellas over the recliners, after first ensuring that Gus had on sun block times a zillion: the boy having changed into his trunks. “I'll show you where to change ...” Vic stated and he took Justin and Daphne indoors; letting Justin use his room and Daphne a spare bedroom. “Aren't you going to change?” Vic asked Brian, when he came back outside. “I can always loan you something ...” he stated, half grinning and Brian raised an eyebrow: the Bermuda shorts and colorful surfing shirt that Vic was wearing not exactly the usual Kinney style, but realizing he was going to look a little out of place otherwise, Brian went up to change and reappeared ten minutes later in the CK swimwear he favored. “Now ... that's much better ...” observed Vic and family or not, he couldn't help noticing just how good Brian still looked and with any luck, Justin would notice it too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Wow Daph ... you look great ...” exclaimed Justin as he met his friend in the hallway upstairs. Dressed in white bikini and sarong, Daphne was the epitome of femininity coupled with modesty. “Thanks ...” she answered him. “Not that it's going to do me any good tonight ... I hope you realize the sacrifice I'm making for you ... Justin Taylor ... this must make me the ultimate fag hag ...” and she wagged her finger at him. “Some sacrifice ... a free meal and lounging around the pool of a famous writer ... who must be pretty rich if this house is anything to go by ...” commented Justin as they made their way downstairs and out to the pool. Stepping out into the early evening sunshine, Daphne gasped and Justin looked around in time to see Brian diving into the pool from the low board. “My God, Justin ... Brian's pretty damn fit ...” she whispered to him and Justin grinned. And then Daphne turned and took a good look at her friend. “You know ... you're not so shabby yourself ...” “Well ... I still work out when I have the time ...” he reminded her and tossing his towel onto the nearest recliner, Justin went to the side of the pool at the deep end and executed a perfect dive; grinning to himself as he did so: noticing how Brian had turned in the water to watch him and surfacing, Justin swam to the far side of the pool and stopped; shaking the water from his eyes. “Dad ... Dad ... watch me ...” Gus called out to his Father and he climbed the steps to the low board. “Feet first, Gus ...” his Dad instructed him as he trod water in the middle of the pool. “I don't want you diving in ... okay?” “Okay,” agreed the boy, reluctantly and moving slowly to the end of the board, Gus took a deep breath and then jumped out as far as he could before tucking up his knees and landing in the water. And, as he'd jumped, Brian had moved closer to him; just enough to be there if Gus got into difficulties at all, but far enough away not to crowd him; holding his own breath until Gus bobbed up to the surface and grinning. Then, and only then, did Brian let himself relax. From the far side of the pool, Justin watched Brian and saw the concern on his face as his son hit the water and then the obvious relief when the boy emerged. If anyone said queers didn't make good parents, they should take a look at Brian Kinney. With the confidence that only the young possess; when they've learned to swim before they know fear, Gus did indeed swim like a fish; despite the cautiousness of his Father. He moved through the water over to the huge beach ball that was floating on the surface of the pool and, picking it up, he threw it to Brian who threw it back to him. “Here, Justin ...” called Gus and drawing their new friend into the game and Gus threw the ball towards him; Justin having to swim closer to them in order to retrieve it. “If I didn't know better ... I'd swear you'd primed Gus ...” whispered Daphne to Vic as the older man offered her a soda from the cooler. Daphne had decided not to venture into the water herself after all: the boys just looked to be getting along fine without out her and Vic smiled. “Then you agree ... you think there's something there ...” “Absolutely ... Justin totally lights up when he talks about Brian ...” stated Daphne. “And you'd have to be blind not to notice that Brian feels the same way ...” agreed Vic and he took out another soda and popped the top off. Grinning conspiratorially, Daphne reached out and clinked Vic's soda bottle with her own. If the two guys in question didn't move things along, then maybe they needed a little encouragement. “But it's not necessarily going to be easy ...” Daphne admitted as she sat down on the nearest recliner and stretched out. “Justin's had it pretty rough ... did he tell you he was bashed ... nearly killed ... for being gay?” she asked Vic, who looked back at her, shocked that the life of the beautiful young man in question was nearly taken from him. “God no ...” and he sighed. “I'd hoped that had ended in my day ...” but Daphne shook her head. “A class mate ... and he only got community service ...” “I remember that ...” answered Vic in realization and then he sighed. “Well ...” continued Daphne. “At one point, Justin thought he'd never draw again ... he fought tooth and nail to recover the use of his hand ... and had to deal with his homophobic Father at the same time ... the man cut him out completely ... told Justin that if he continued to live his disgusting lifestyle ... his words ... that he wouldn't have anything to do with him ... he even refused to fund Justin through art school ... even though he could afford it ...” “And Justin is so talented ... he just needs the right break for his art to take off ... and if he found a great guy in the meantime ... it would be wonderful ... he so deserves to be happy ...” and they turned to watch the guys in the pool horsing around. “What about Brian ... I wouldn't have thought he'd still be on his own ...” Vic chewed his lip. Justin's past was virtually an open book; his bashing had been followed in the papers for several weeks. The circumstances of Brian's accident however, were still private and sensitive to all concerned and though Daphne obviously meant well and wanted the best for her friend, revealing Brian's past was still something for the man himself to talk to Justin about when the time came and not for discussing behind his back. Daphne saw Vic's hesitation and she frowned. “Hmm ... I guess Brian's got a little history?” she ventured. “Something like that,” admitted Vic and he took the steaks and burgers from the cooler and threw them on the well heated barbecue. “I'm sorry Daphne ... I don't mean to be mysterious ...” “That's okay ... I guess a man Brian's age ... and don't get me wrong ... I'm not saying he'd old or anything ... just that he's bound to have been around the block a time or two ...” and Vic nodded in agreement. “There's just some things Brian should talk to Justin about himself ... but believe me ... he's not had it easy either in the last few years ... despite his apparent success ...” Vic confided. “Well then ... maybe they both need each other ... but just don't know yet how much ...” offered Daphne and she turned to see Gus jumping onto his Dad and Brian picking the youngster up and gently throwing him back into the water for the boy only to now pick up the beach ball and throw it at Justin; the ball hitting the water in front of his new friend and splashing him. Reaching out, Justin hit the water hard with his hand; Gus realizing was he was going to do and squirming out of the way and squealing as the water went over his head. “Gus ... come and dry off and get something to eat ...” Vic called out to him and the youngster clambered up out of the pool and made his way to the outside shower and quickly rinsed himself off. Daphne picked up one of the towels that had been left on a recliner and wrapped it around the boy and started to rub him down; the two of them chatting happily together. Brian and Justin looked embarrassingly at each other, for now that Gus had left the pool, continuing to horse around seemed a little awkward and smiling at Justin, Brian climbed out of the pool himself. Justin watched him make puddles of water on the patio as Brian padded to the outside showerhead and turned it on; allowing the clean water to wash away all traces of the swimming pool's odor; the water coursing down his body in rivulets and into the small grid, covering the drain. After a few seconds, Brian turned it off and shook his head, sending out a water spatter and Justin's heart missed a beat as the man then made his way to a recliner and started to towel himself down and how Justin wished he could do that for him. “Are you getting out to eat Justin?” called Daphne and she saw Justin redden. “In a minute ... I want another swim first ...” he called back and he kicked off from the side of the pool; Brian glanced back over at him. Vic had been watching the younger man as he'd been studying Brian and he now turned back to the barbecue and grinned; guessing that the reason why Justin didn't want to get out of the pool was because the young blond had been turned on as he'd watched Brian shower and towel down and indeed it was a couple of lengths of the pool before Justin had managed to control the attraction to Brian that would have been just a little too obvious had he got out of the pool there and then. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once Justin had composed himself sufficiently, he clambered out of the pool and showered off and was handed a huge fluffy white towel by Brian; the older man smiled at him. “You know ... if ever you want to use the pool ... don't wait to be asked ... just help yourself ...” “Thanks ... I might take you up on that ...” “That goes for you too, Daphne ... if ever you want to come over ...” said Brian, turning to her. “Thanks Brian,” and she returned his smile and tried to ignore the scowl Justin was giving her; not that he didn't want her to be able to come over and use the pool, but if he was going to get anywhere with Brian, having his best friend around could prove a little restricting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taking their meal to the table on the patio, Vic laid out the spread he'd prepared. As they were still using Daphne's car, Daphne stuck to sodas, as did Brian and Gus, of course. But Vic broke open a bottle of wine and he and Justin made their way through it. The banter was light and the two older men enjoyed being in the young peoples' company. Gus sat himself between Vic and Daphne and chatted constantly; about his vacation, recounting their trip to the zoo and about his pony, Buttons. “So ... stables and a pool ... the house of your dreams ...” whispered Daphne to Justin as Brian brought more drinks from the cooler and was out of earshot and she grinned at Justin who tried to ignore her insinuation and he glanced at her and then at Brian. Maybe not just the house of his dreams either. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The sun was beginning to go down and Brian looked at Vic and then nodded in Gus' direction. Having had such a thoroughly wonderful and busy day, the youngster was almost asleep and Brian rose up out of his chair and moved behind Justin and Daphne to gently pick up his son. “Come on champ ... way past your bed time I think ...” And with the boy dozing and leaning over his shoulder, Brian made his way inside. Daphne shuddered, the lower temperature now noticeable. “I think I'll go in and change ... and then I guess we should think about leaving …” stated Daphne sadly; her shift starting early in the morning. “Okay, Daph … I’ll follow you ...” agreed Justin and they both made their way inside. Having brought his son upstairs, Brian had left him in the bathroom brushing his teeth while he quickly threw on some clothes and then he’d gone back to him. Justin had changed his clothes and collecting his things, was making his way along the hall when he heard Brian speak. “You had a good day?” and Justin followed the sound of the man's voice and quietly looked around the door into Gus' room to see Brian helping his son on with his PJ's. Gus nodded sleepily. “The best ...” he yawned and Justin saw Brian smile. Brian pulled back the duvet and Gus rolled into bed. “I like Justin ... and Daphne ...” stated Gus. “So do I,” agreed his Father and he pulled the covers up over the boy's shoulders. “Dad ... can we do something like this again?” “Sure ... you think of something you want to do and we'll arrange it ...” agreed Brian, surprising even himself at the offer to do something so public again and he leaned down to kiss Gus on the forehead. “Perhaps Justin could come with us ...” said Gus, not forgetting how happy he'd seen his Dad in their new friend's company and he rolled over onto his side. “Yeah ... I'd like that too ...” stated Brian quietly and he straightened up and turned towards the door; for a moment, catching a slight movement out in the hallway. Realizing he may have been sprung, Justin coughed and smiled at Brian as he came out of Gus' room and closed the door behind him. “He's a great kid ...” stated the young man, ignoring the fact that Brian probably realized he'd heard their conversation; Brian nodded and the pair of them started to make their way downstairs. “He's the one thing in my life I can be totally proud of ...” stated Brian as they reached the bottom of the stairway and Justin looked over at him and saw the flash of sadness that briefly showed in the man's eyes. “You can be proud of your work too,” Justin pointed out. “It's very popular ... people love it ...” and he bit his lip. “What ... what is it?” asked Brian as Justin rubbed behind his ear and looked away. “Well ... it's something I always wanted to know ... I hope you don't mind my asking you?” “Fire away ...” invited Brian and Justin took a deep breath. “Your stories ... I mean they're terrific ... but ... why do they never have happy endings ... the lovers are never together in the final scene ... something always contrives to keep them apart ...” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and briefly closed his eyes and then looked at him and Justin couldn't help but notice the coldness in the man's eyes. “I don't believe in happy endings ...” Brian stated flatly and Justin frowned. “Well ... you tell me ...” Brian invited him. “Is life like that? 'Cos I don't think so ...” “Life's a bitch ... no matter what you do ... there is always someone ... or something just waiting for you ... waiting to pull the rug out from under you ... sending you crashing down ... and I would think that you of all people would know that ...” Justin went to speak, but in all honesty, he had nothing to say. Because yes; he understood that perfectly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Vic had poured out the remainder of the wine and the three men waited while Daphne came down and, as she appeared, Justin quickly threw down the remainder of his drink; feeling it warming in his stomach: he didn't usually drink and even with the food inside him, he felt a little light-headed. Since his conversation with Brian at the bottom of the stairs, things had gotten a little quiet between them; as if Brian had revealed something he'd wished he'd kept to himself and indeed, the more Justin thought about it, the more he realized Brian was speaking from experience. That life sucked and not in a good way. “Are you ready, Justin?” asked Daphne, looking in her purse for her car keys and Justin got up from his chair. Daphne hugged Vic and then Brian, who had started to walk her through the house and to the front door and Justin hugged Vic. “It's been great ... thanks ...” “My pleasure ... see you in the morning?” Vic asked him and Justin nodded. “Bright and early ...” and Vic slapped him on the back as he started to walk the young man out. Daphne hugged Brian again and kissed him lightly on the cheek; his soft beard tickling her lips. “This has been wonderful ... thank you ...” “Any time Daph ...” stated Brian, shortening her name as a means of showing his affection and she looked at him. “I'll take you up on that ...” she grinned and she made her way down the path to the car. Vic passed Brian and followed Daphne down to her car; deliberately leaving Brian and Justin standing on the doorstep and the two men smiled at each other. “It's been great ... thanks ...” stated Justin and Brian nodded and smiled. “As I said ... any time you want to use the pool ...” The two men stood facing each other awkwardly, but simultaneously, they then moved towards one another. Justin put his hand on Brian's arm and the older man blinked and, before he could stop himself, he leaned down and kissed Justin on the lips. Justin’s excuse may have been that he was a little heady from the wine, but Brian had no such excuse. The kiss started out lightly, but Justin leaned into him and Brian deepened the kiss; both men totally ignoring the fact that they were in full view of both Vic and Daphne, who grinned at each other and pretended not to notice. Justin's heart was pounding, fit to burst as he reached up to Brian; wanting the kiss to go on forever; the sensation of Brian’s beard against his skin electrifying. There were no tongues, no mashing of lips that normally accompanied such encounters, when usually either man and their respective tricks were trying to get into each other's pants at the same time and then, slowly, Brian pulled back and he smiled and looked away. Justin grinned at him and stroked his arm; drawing Brian’s gaze back to his. Neither man knowing exactly the right words to say; scared to admit this was anything more than a goodnight kiss between friends. “Night Brian ...” said Justin quietly and Brian smiled and nodded as he watched the younger man make his way down the path and climb into the car. Vic and Daphne were talking through the open car window and Vic kissed her on the cheek and then straightened up; smiling at Justin as he made his way round the front of the car and back up the path to the house; he turned to wave goodnight and then went inside the house: leaving Brian standing on the doorstep. “Night Justin ...” stated Brian, softly and on the night air; the breeze not quite strong enough to take his words to the young man's ears as the car drove away. To be continued. With loads of thanks to Lois for her great betaing and for putting up with my re-writes and to Judy for her advice - and to both of them for their treasured friendship.