Chapter 7: “Do you think Molly will like it?” asked Justin, and he opened the jewelery case and he and Brian looked at the gold locket once more. It had a delicately fine chain and was one Justin had been saving up months for. “She’ll love it,” answered Brian. “She’ll love yours too …” stated Justin. “You were right … it was a good idea to buy the earrings to match …” They’d taken a trip into the city and Justin had seen both items in the jewelery store and couldn’t make up his mind which to buy. They’d actually been put together as a set and Brian knew the young man would loved to have bought them both for Molly if he could afford it. “I’ll buy Molly the earrings …” said Brian and Justin had looked up at him and started to protest. “I really want to … and it’ll save us from tramping all over town looking for something else …” Justin looked at him. He knew that wasn’t the real reason that Brian offered, but together they’d gone into the store and bought them and then they put them safely away until Molly’s birthday. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Although still early morning, it was already quite warm and promised to be a wonderful summer Sunday. Near the river and under the large oak, the Taylor field had been left to grass and it was at this spot that the borrowed tables and chairs from the community hall were brought and where everyone had laid out their contributions on the refreshment table and left their coolers. As the huge horsebox drew up driven by Peter Arnoldson, it got a loud cheer from everyone waiting. Most of their neighbors had turned out; not just the farmers but other people living locally. The Arnoldson’s were well known and well liked in the area and everyone was interested and looking forward to today’s competition with a lot of bantering going on between the generations. And the fact that it would benefit the Taylor kids was an added inducement to take part, not that anyone openly admitted this fact of course. Ben had provided a pig roast and as it was also Molly’s birthday, Lizzie Sherman and Sarah Lebanowitz had made a cake, which they brought up to the house to be taken down later. And, as a lot of the local people normally went to church, the local minister held a small service before the competition got underway. Anyone taking part had registered; the list being kept by Katie and having settled the horses into the antique but usable plough, Ben gave a quick demonstration on how to use the reins and what commands to give. Harry Sanderson, followed by his son, Phil, were the first up; both men finishing their sections shaking their heads and amazed at how difficult it had actually been. Apart from the physical strength required, though to be honest the horses more or less knew exactly what was expected of them; to actually keep a straight line when you couldn’t see beyond the two huge animals was quite daunting and very frustrating. Molly had been a very lucky young lady and had received more presents than she probably would have if it wasn’t for people coming to the competition, with Justin and Brian giving her theirs at the breakfast table. Molly kissed and hugged them both and then went up to her room to put them on in front of the mirror of her dressing table. Jake's birthday present to Molly was still being kept a secret, although she had a good idea what it might be. Altogether, this was turning out to be a wonderful day for Molly, as well as being a good chance for the community to get together and have some fun; something that farming wasn’t necessarily known for with everyone constantly experiencing hard times and proceedings were well underway when someone caught Brian’s eye at the refreshment table. “That looks pretty expensive …” observed Brian. Chris Hobbs had been getting himself a drink of juice from one of the jugs and Brian couldn’t resist going over and helping himself to a glass and standing beside the young man. That’s when he noticed the very expensive watch that Chris was wearing. “That must have set you back a bit … or was it a gift from a boyfriend?” Chris shot him a look that could have killed him on the spot and quickly looked around, making sure his Dad especially was out of earshot. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about …” growled Chris and he made to walk away. “I saw you … with Wemyss … just after you came on to me … and just a few days before my brakes mysteriously gave out …” Brian left the words hanging in the air and downing the glass of juice, he placed the glass back on the table and smiled at the young man before turning and walking away and back to Justin who’d just had his turn at ploughing his own field in a very old-fashioned way. Chris watched him go and saw how relaxed the two men were in each other’s company and he practically smashed the glass back down on to the wooden surface before storming away, taking off his watch and putting it in his pocket as he went. The horses could virtually carry on for as long as they were asked, so there was no concern over wearing them out, but the same couldn’t be said for those taking part. But with the stream of people wanting to test their skills, the whole field would be ploughed before the end of the day. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was well into the afternoon and Justin was watching proceedings at a distance and from the gate to the field. He’d been talked into giving it a go and though his effort wasn’t bad, it probably wouldn’t win. Brian managed to avoid taking part altogether, but now he came up behind him; slipping his hand around Justin’s waist after first having established there was no one too close to see. “Well … it’s getting ploughed up … that’s for sure …” laughed the blond, looking up at him and Brian sighed with relief. It was so good to see him laughing and so relaxed and though he hadn’t said anything, Brian knew that Justin had guessed it was his idea to ask Ben if they could use the excuse of a ploughing competition to get the field ready for planting: At least that was one less problem for Justin and he wouldn’t have to worry about spending out money on fixing the tractor just yet. If only he would let Brian help him out more financially, although Brian's savings were starting to diminish somewhat. But Justin was far too proud to accept money or let him pay for it. At least this way, the field was getting ploughed and everyone was having a great day’s get together at the same time. And now Brian looked around him and seeing no one looking on, he steered Justin into cover behind the pickup and kissed him; Justin’s hands running through Brian’s hair. Cliff Johnson had gone to use the bathroom in the house and was walking back to the field when he saw the two men in each other’s arms and he stiffened as he watched, wondering if the older man was forcing himself on Justin. But as Brian pulled back smiling, Cliff could see the expression on Justin’s face: the expressions on both their faces and his mouth dropped open: If this wasn’t two people in love then he knew nothing from nothing. Cliff had no idea that Justin was gay and couldn’t begin to think how difficult it would be for him living out here instead of in the city, but recovering quickly, he looked around for somewhere to duck behind so they wouldn’t see him. Although it had been a shock, he had no intention of ‘outing’ Justin or interfering, for although it wasn’t how a lot of people thought, as far as his job would allow, Cliff had a ‘live and let live’ approach to life. But that’s when he spotted Chris Hobbs watching the two men together. Chris was hiding behind the horsebox and the expression on his face certainly wasn’t one of love. It was one of hatred and loathing, but whether that was directed at either Brian or Justin or both, Cliff didn’t know. But in the Sheriff’s mind, it did, however, bring back into question the business with the brakes on Brian’s Jeep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the end, it was Phil Sanderson who won the competition, with Ben considering his section to have the straightest furrows. Ben had brought along a trophy to present to the winner and all day, people had been asking him if they could try again next year. And as Ben presented the “Taylor Cup”, Justin felt a lump come into his throat. He had no idea Ben was going to do that, and to be truthful, neither did Ben until he stepped up to present the prize. But it just seemed the right thing to do and when asked about the following year, Justin said, “Sure … why not …” It would be great to have something the community could take part in and in his parents’ name. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One of the neighboring farms had provided a portable generator and with lights strung up in the tree and oil lamps on the tables and after Molly had been presented with her cake, the kids started to make the party swing for her birthday. They’d got their favorite music together on tape and CD and with one of them acting as sort of DJ, the parents mostly left them to it and made their way up to the farmhouse, just leaving a few adults for supervision. Justin had initially left the party to go up to the house, but the older folks sent him back to the kids to enjoy himself, after having first established he didn’t mind their taking over the kitchen for a while. With the men folk mostly just jawing, the ladies did the dishes and covered any left-over food with plastic wrap and placed in the Taylor’s fridge or freezer; it would probably keep them going for a couple of days. Brian was watching as Justin joined in dancing with the young folk when Molly grabbed his hand and pulled him into the crowd, ignoring his protestations. And although he couldn’t exactly dance with Justin in this gathering, they watched each other intently and Brian made a promise to himself: that one of these days he was going to get Justin to the gay clubs in the city, where they could dance together and no one would care. Then, as the party was drawing to a close and it was getting far too dark to stay that close to the river for safety, the kids’ parents went down to join them and then finished clearing things away. That was when Brian dragged Justin into the barn. “What are you doing?” asked Justin, laughing as Brian closed the door behind them; the only illumination now the moonlight that came in through the open window. “Just making sure I get the last dance …” smiled Brian and as the sounds of an old standard came floating down on the breeze, he took Justin in his arms. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now Justin could start to plant the crop of turnips for the autumn harvest and he even managed to enlist Brian’s help, though they had to use the pickup to haul everything up to the field. Everything seemed to be working out pretty well on the farm: though he couldn’t actually get Brian to ever go with him on market days, but he’d been surprised at how much Brian had actually pitched in with. If only he’d be as willing to give of himself emotionally as well as his time, for although Brian seemed happy enough, he’d never really been able to tell Justin exactly how he felt. And as summer progressed, the hot evenings making sleeping increasingly difficult, Justin would often get up in the night to draw. Unsurprisingly, his favorite subject was Brian. The man was beautiful, whether sleeping or waking and often Justin would keep the low light on in the bedroom and move into the chair and draw the man as he slept. Sometimes Brian still looked a little tense and unsettled: but not tonight. Tonight he looked relaxed and at peace with himself and the world around him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Like the old song says, these were those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer and even without the words being spoken, Justin could feel himself getting closer to Brian every day and hoped the older man felt the same way. The days were spent working in the field and Brian had even set about repainting the outside of the house, just like he'd promised himself he would. The crops were all doing well and it should be a good harvest this year and already, the summer fruits; the strawberries and raspberries, had been brought in and had taken them into profit. The nights ... wow ... the nights were, on many occasions, too hot to sleep and many a time did they take the duvet out to the bench on the back porch. And, though mindful that Molly's bedroom was immediately above them, they would make love under the canopy of the night sky; a sky that often looked as if it had been set with diamonds. Brian didn't think about the future as he realized how much he was enjoying the present; the every day events that found him and Justin working more closely together, making joint decisions. Even though the property was Justin and Molly's, both young people constantly asked Brian for his opinion and the older man still found it hard to accept that Justin would talk things through with him before doing something on the farm. Even though he would always say “it's your place Justin ...” the young man always came back, “but you live here too ... you help run the place ...” and look at him with an expression that asked “why wouldn't I consider you in this ...” And then one day, a visitor came to the door that would set them on a different course entirely. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Mr. Craig ... or Justin Taylor ... ” asked the visitor in the dark suit standing at the front door to the house; the door that hardly anyone used and the man loosened his tie. Molly brought him through to the kitchen. It was early evening and they had just finished dinner and Justin got up from the table and shook the hand that was offered. “Stuart Mason ... Phillips and Jones Publishers ... you may have heard of us ...” “Yes ... yes of course ...” answered Justin, scratching his head as to why this man should be calling on him. “And I'm Justin ... Craig was my Dad ... Mom and Dad died last year ...” and Justin indicated for the man to take a seat at the table. Stuart Mason blinked and barely failed to hide his embarrassment. “My apologies ... I didn't realize ... I'm sorry for your loss ...” he stuttered as he sat down and Justin and Molly both smiled weakly. “Only ...” Stuart recovered and he pulled out a copy of “Molly and Daisy's Adventures” from his attaché case, which he'd set down on the table. “A friend of mine thought I might be interested in this ...” and he laid the book down in front of Justin. “How did you get that?” asked Brian, confused. When he'd sent the stories off to be turned into a proper publication, this hadn't been part of the deal. Stuart coughed. “A friend sent it to me ... he thought I might be interested in it ... we're the biggest children's book publishers in the country ... and ... with your permission ... and after having agreed to terms ... we'd like to publish it ...” Justin's jaw dropped open. “You want to publish Dad's stories?” asked the young man, seeking confirmation and Stuart nodded. “With your illustrations ... which by the way ... are very good ... especially for someone your age. Where are you studying?” “Studying?” asked Justin, shaking his head. “Well ... I assume you're in art school ...” replied Stuart, looking around the group, but he was met with total silence. “I ... I dropped out of school ... I used to go to art club ... but then I came to work on the farm with my Dad ...” Stuart sat back in his chair. “You mean you've never really had any formal art training?” he asked in total amazement and Justin shook his head. “Then this makes your work even more astounding ... do you have more?” “Drawers full ...” offered Molly and Justin shot her a glance. “I'd love to see what you've done ...” Stuart continued and although reluctant at first, Justin eventually went up to his room and pulled out everything he'd done in the last few years. It had fallen off for a while before his parents died, but just lately, he'd been drawing a lot more. He brought down everything, including his current sketchbook which he handed to Stuart without thinking and the man started to leaf through everything and stopped when he reached a particular drawing. A rather red-faced young man blinked with embarrassment and Brian's eyes opened wide as Molly couldn't stifle the giggles when Stuart turned the pages to reveal a drawing of Brian sleeping; naked. In fact there were many pictures of Brian following that one and no one could fail to notice just how much Stuart studied them. “These are very, very beautiful, Justin ... and even more amazing now I know you've had no formal training ...” and he eventually closed the sketchbook and passed everything back to the young man. “Can I ask what stopped you going on to art school ... I don't mean to pry ... but was it financial reasons?” Stuart asked him and Justin nodded. “Dad needed help on the farm ... he couldn't afford to pay anyone else ...” “So you were forced to give up ...” “No one forced me ...” stated Justin, curtly. “It just had to be ... that's all.” Stuart studied his hands and then looked up. “Look ... I'm staying at the Marriott... here's my cell number ...” and he reached into his pocket and produced a business card which he handed to Justin. “Think about it ... if you think you might be interested ... give me a call and we'll talk further ... I plan to be around until at least late tomorrow afternoon ...” and Stuart got up from the table and held out his hand. “I hope you'll come to us Justin ... but even if you don't ... a talent like yours shouldn't be wasted ... so as I say ... think about it ... talk it over with your family and give me a call ...” and unable to answer him, Justin shook his hands and Molly walked Stuart to the front door. Justin sighed deeply and then sat down and he picked up the book that Stuart had left behind. Brian watched the younger man as he bit his lip and leafed through the pages and then Justin closed the book and put it down. “That man didn't come all this way for nothing ...” stated Brian finally. “He must think you're good ... that the stories are worth publishing ...” “I don't want to talk about it ...” stated Justin and without another word he got up from the table and walked out the door. Brian watched him go, but he couldn't let this be and he reached out and picked up the discarded book and turned it over in his hands. Mason was right; Brian had thought the same thing all along: that a talent like Justin's was too wonderful to waste, but how was he going to be able to persuade him to take the man up on his offer. The fact that it might also have implications for their relationship hadn't passed Brian by, but at this moment, that wasn't important. Justin's future was. Going to find Justin, Brian took the book with him; the younger man was leaning over the gate leading to the orchard and didn't hear Brian approach. “Justin ... it's not too late ... with the money you could earn from this ... you'd be able to fund yourself through art school ...” and Brian held the book out in front of the blond who turned away. “I can't ...” “Why the hell not ... what's stopping you? Is it the farm ... Molly ... what?” and Brian saw Justin take a deep breath, but the young man stayed silent. “Do you think you're not good enough ... is that it?” asked Brian and Justin sighed. “Partly,” he admitted. “But how can I leave this place ... what about Molly ... she might think she's old enough, but what would Mom and Dad think ... it would be pretty selfish of me to sign up to what ... four years? The nearest decent art school is out of state ... I couldn't expect her to just pack up and follow me ...” “Well ... you could try talking to her about it ... see what she says” and Brian put his hand on Justin's shoulder. “And in spite of what you might think ... you are very talented, Justin ... and Mason obviously thinks so ... “ and Justin smiled at him. “So,” continued Brian. “Why don't you go talk ...” “BRIAN ...” yelled Molly, as she came running up towards them. “There's someone on the phone for you ... “ “Shit” muttered Brian under his breath at the interruption; he thought he was just starting to get through to Justin. “Who is it Molly ... can't it wait?” “She said her name is Penny ... and that she tried your cell but it's switched off ... it sounded pretty important ...” Brian frowned. Having acquired a new cell, he'd called Whispering Winds and given the McGrubers his new number, but today the cell phone was sitting on the nightstand. But whatever Penny wanted it must be important enough to want to speak to him right away and not leave a message for him to call back. Brian started to make his way back to the house and after a few yards, broke into a trot; he had an uneasy feeling about this. Molly and Justin hurriedly followed Brian back into the house; he was using the phone in the kitchen and Justin could tell right away something was wrong. “What did the doctors' say?” Brian's shoulders were down, his eyes closed while he was listening and his free hand gripped the edge of the counter. Slowly, Justin approached him and put his hand in the small of Brian's back, just letting him know he was there and he saw Brian swallow. “I'll be there as soon as I can ...” stated Brian flatly and slowly, he hung up. “What is it ... what's wrong?” asked Justin, unable to keep the concern from his voice as he searched Brian's face. Brian had turned a deathly shade of white and his hands were trembling: he swallowed. “It's Paul ... he had a heart attack ...” Brian had never talked much about himself or his past, but when he did, he only ever spoke of Paul fondly and Justin had realized early on how much Brian thought about the man he'd used to work for and the news of his heart attack had shaken Brian to the core. For a moment it was as if Brian was rooted to the spot and he shook his head; trying to clear his thoughts. “I have to go ...” it was a few moments before he could speak and then Brian couldn't complete his sentence, and Justin nodded and squeezed his hand before Brian was finally able to move and he pulled away and made his way upstairs; Justin followed him. Grabbing his bag, Brian started to pack away his things and Justin's heart sank as he sat on the bed and watched him. Somehow he had the feeling that if Brian left now, he might never come back. “I better check the airlines ...” “The airport's five ... maybe six hours away ... you won't get a flight tonight ...” stated Justin. “Shit ... then I'll have to drive ... I can't wait around and do nothing ... I need to go now ...” “You can't drive all that way by yourself ... but if I come with you I can share the driving ... “ “I can't ask you to do that ... we can't leave Molly on her own ...” said Brian as he did up the zip on his bag, but his hands were still shaking and Justin got up and held them in his own: Brian really was in no shape to head off on his own right now. “Mrs. Sherman would be only too glad to have Molly for a few days ... Phil would keep an eye on the animals and besides ... you're not asking ... I'm offering” stated Justin and he reached up to kiss him. A couple of quick phonecalls later and Justin had arranged for Phil to tend to the animals and Mrs. Sherman was on her way over and would wait while Molly packed a few things. Molly could see by Justin's expression how badly her brother wanted to do this for Brian and although Brian wasn't saying anything, it was obvious to her just how much he valued her brother's support. “Besides ... how else am I gonna get the chance to drive the vette?” added Justin and Brian managed a half-smile before bringing the blond in for a hug. It was a very long drive, but taking turns at the wheel and stopping just for comfort breaks and trying to grab a little sleep in between shifts, they did it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Brian ... it's wonderful to see you ... I'm just sorry it had to be under these circumstances ...” said Margaret McGruber sadly and she held out her hand and Brian took it; squeezing it in his own and then he leaned down to give her a peck on the cheek before bringing her in for a hug. They'd driven through the night and all the next day and it was now almost 9:30 and Mark, Whispering Winds' foreman and Paul's son-in-law, had opened the door to them. But his first words were “Why the hell did you bother knocking ... “and then two men greeted each other warmly. Hearing their arrival, Penny made her way downstairs from her Father's room and she stood on the bottom step as she and Brian embraced. Justin recognized her from the picture in Brian's wallet and he could tell by the way Brian had hung on that he and Penny had obviously been great friends. The quick exchange of glances as Brian introduced Justin didn't go unnoticed and while Margaret was asking Justin what sort of journey they'd had, quietly, Penny whispered into Brian's ear. “I didn't realize you were bringing anyone ... I could make up extra bed in the study ... or ...?” Brian blinked, but it was obvious the way she asked the question that she was wondering about Brian's relationship with the attractive young blond he'd brought with him. He'd often wondered what Penny thought about his relatively quick departure from the ranch and how well she knew her brother and he smiled back at her. “One room will be fine ... thanks” and she smiled and squeezed his hand. “I'll wait down here,” said Justin as Brian and Margaret made their way up to the room Paul was now using. When he'd come home from the hospital, they'd settled Paul into Andrew's old room so that Margaret wouldn't disturb him and the family could take turns in looking over him and the man was dozing when Margaret quietly opened the door. “It's getting late ... I don't want to disturb him,” whispered Brian and he started to retreat, but Paul wasn't asleep and immediately as he heard Brian's voice he came fully awake. “You come all this way and you don't even say hello?” teased Paul, opening his eyes. Brian smiled as he approached the bed and then moved quickly to help the man as he tried to sit up and then Brian propped Paul against the pillows. “I leave you for five minutes ...” started Brian and he swallowed, unable to finish his sentence. Paul patted his hand. “Sit down ... tell me what you've been doing these months ... ” “Not too long, Brian,” urged Margaret and Brian turned back and nodded to her, but Paul waved her away. “Don't fuss woman ... I've been asleep most of the day ... Brian an' me have a lot of catching up to do ...” and the two men smiled at one another as Margaret left the room. Brian studied Paul. The man looked a lot older than he remembered, even after this relatively short time; older and tired and Brian felt a lump come into his throat. Paul had always been such an active man; full of life, love and humor and suddenly he looked old and frail. “So ... how far did you get ... what are you up to?” asked Paul and Brian chuckled. “I probably didn't get as far as you might think,” he admitted and, looking down at his hands, Brian told Paul how he'd got lost in the storm and had wound up at Justin's farm and been nursed back to health by the young man. Paul blinked. Though he might not yet have all his faculties in full working order, his mind was working well enough and if he wasn't mistaken, just the way Brian mentioned the young man's name was indication enough of how much he was taken with him and the fact that Brian had stayed there and not moved on didn't escape him either. “I'd like to meet Justin”, stated Paul and Brian got up from the chair. “You will ... now ... I better get outta here before Margaret starts hollering at me ...” and he squeezed the older man's arm. The men smiled at each other and then both said goodnight. Brian made his way downstairs to tell Margaret that Paul was getting ready to go back to sleep and she took Paul's last medication for the day up with her; Brian found Justin eating supper in the kitchen with Penny; Mark had already turned in for the night, he had an early start in the morning as he was going out to the herd. Brian sat down at the table and let out a huge sigh as Penny placed a bowl of soup in front of him. “Here ... you better eat something before you turn in ...” but a few mouthfuls later, Brian pushed the largely uneaten meal away; he just didn't have the appetite. Penny rose and went to a kitchen cupboard and took out a bottle of whiskey. Without waiting for confirmation, she took the glasses down from the shelf and, returning to the table, poured out three shots: Brian downed his in one and Penny poured him a refill. “It's hard to take in ... isn't it?” she stated and Brian nodded. “When did it happen?” “Tuesday last week,” answered Penny. “Thankfully, he was in the city so they got him to the hospital pretty quickly ... if it had happened out here ...” and she let the words trail off; not wanting to consider the prospect of Paul being taken ill so far away from medical facilities. “You should have called me,” chided Brian. “I was going to, “ replied Penny and she took a sip of her drink before continuing. “But to be honest for a few days there was just so much going on and then when he was well enough ... Paul didn't want to worry you ... but we thought you should know”. “I told him you were coming after I'd spoken to you ... it actually perked him up a bit ... looking forward to seeing you” and Brian allowed himself a slight smile at that, but it didn't last long; he was obviously still very concerned. Justin so wanted to reach out and take Brian's hand but didn't like to in Penny's presence, but she then finished her drink and got up from her chair. “You're in your old room, Brian ... see you in the morning ...” and she leaned down to kiss him good night. “Goodnight Justin ...” “'Night Penny” returned Justin, as Brian reached out for another drink. “We should get some sleep ... we're both pretty beat ...” stated the blond. He finished his drink, rose up from the chair and put his hand on Brian's shoulder as he waited for the man to join him. But instead of following him, Brian placed his hand on top of Justin's. “He's the closest thing I ever had to a Father ...” stated Brian quietly and Justin frowned at this unsolicited comment. Brian never mentioned his family by his own volition; usually only in response to something Justin had said first. Brian took a deep breath. “When I was a kid ... my old man used to beat the shit outta me most days ...” he continued and he took his hand away from Justin's. Now, instead of going up to bed, Justin sat back down at the table. “He even used to tell me I should have been aborted ...” and Brian threw the remainder of his drink down his throat and rolled the glass around in his hands, while Justin remained silent. Now was the time to listen; not to interrupt. “I ... I was 17 when I left the Pitts after I realized the man I was in ... involved with ... didn't have the same feelings I did ...” and Brian chuckled to himself and shook his head. “I was so fucking dumb ... thinking someone would actually ...” and he closed his eyes. Justin's heart went out to this man sitting alongside him, who obviously had believed no one could ever love him; no wonder he'd been so reluctant to believe Justin could. “I'd moved around from one nameless town to the next ... one fucking dead end job after another ... I was virtually penniless and hitching a ride when Paul picked me up ... still not much more than a kid ... luckily he only wanted company ...” and Brian smiled at the memory. “He bought me lunch and offered me a job ... I often wonder where I might have ended up if he hadn't stopped that day ...” “But instead ... he brought me here and gave me a home ... or the closest thing to it ... practically treated me like his own”. “Got one of the guys to teach me to drive and then he even taught me to ride ... and gave me more and more responsibility ... always believed I could take it on ...” and Brian sighed. “He was probably over doing it ... without me around ...” “Brian ... it wasn't your fault,” Justin jumped in. Now was the time to interrupt; he could see what was going on in Brian's head; the thought that if he'd been around to take some of the work off Paul, then this might never have happened. “Penny says that with the right care, Paul should make a really good recovery ...” stated the younger man and Brian nodded, but Justin didn't really think Brian was listening to him. “I should have been here,” stated Brian firmly and he put down the glass and rubbed his face with his hands. He was so tired, they'd been on the road a lot of hours and the strain was beginning to show. “Come to bed ... things will look a little better in the morning ... they always do,” said Justin, trying to reassure him and rising from his chair he took Brian's hand. This time there was no reluctance to move and Brian got up: leading the way, he took them up to Brian's old room. Justin had already collected their bags from the car and had left them on the floor just inside the door and heavily, Brian sank down onto the bed; the combination of extreme tiredness, three large shots of whiskey and very little food was beginning to set in and he felt incapable of moving; even undressing himself. Slowly, Justin helped him to remove his clothing; the shock of Paul's heart attack and Brian's self-imposed blame were starting to kick in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was after 9:00 when Justin woke; despite being exhausted himself he'd been unable to relax until he knew Brian was settled and well asleep. The older man had said nothing more once they got up to the room and only when he heard Brian's gentle snoring, did Justin allow himself to let go. But now as the sun was pouring in through the windows, Justin reached out to discover he was alone. “Brian ...” Justin sat up and called the man's name, but there was silence and he couldn't hear any movement from the bathroom, but then he heard a horse snort and stamp its feet outside and getting out of bed, Justin went over and leaned out the open window in time to see Brian dismount from a beautiful black stallion in the yard below. It would seem that he was obviously rested well enough to get up and go out for a ride and the blond yawned and headed for the shower. Just as Justin was coming out of the bathroom, Brian entered the bedroom. “Hi ...” “Hi,” answered the older man and Justin could see that Brian was a little preoccupied and decided it was best not to bring up anything that had been mentioned the previous evening. “Have you checked on Paul this morning?” asked Justin and Brian nodded. “I just looked in on him ... he looks a little better ...” “And probably will every day,” said the blond, trying to put Brian's mind at ease and he went up to him and rubbed his arm; Brian smiled. “I'll go grab a shower ... then get a bite to eat ... you don't have to wait for me ... I'll see you downstairs ...” “Okay,” answered Justin and he began dressing as Brian disappeared into the bathroom. Justin frowned as he watched Brian go. The man definitely seemed distant this morning, the same way he remembered when his parents died: as if you were there, but not really there; that things were happening around you that you had no control over. Almost as if you were watching a scene being played out in a movie; it wasn't you: it was happening to someone else. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Used to feeding hard-working men, Anna Norroso had set down a large plate of ham and eggs in front of Justin. When Brian came down, he immediately went over to the McGruber's housekeeper and gave her a big hug. “It's great to see you Brian ... but I wish ...” “I know ...” replied Brian and he sat down at the kitchen table; Justin poured out two cups of coffee from the pot and placed one in front of Brian, who smiled in thanks and then Anna placed his plate in front of him. “No ... I couldn't ...” “Eat” she came back at him. “You didn't manage anything last night ...” and Brian smiled; the family had been talking. Once he started, Brian realized just how hungry he actually was. He'd gotten up quietly and dressed without showering and then quickly checked on Paul to find the man still sleeping. Then he'd gone out to Rebel; the horse nuzzling Brian at the sound of his voice and having saddled him up, Brian took him out for a ride and realized just how much he'd missed it; horse and man as one as Brian urged the animal to quicken his pace and the two of them had then galloped their way back to the ranch. Joe had offered to tend to the animal on Brian's return; Brian reluctant at first, but Joe sent him on his way, knowing Brian would want to spend time with Paul and the man was having breakfast when Brian again looked in. And now it wasn't taking Brian long to demolish his own late breakfast and when he'd finished, he pushed his empty plate away and poured out a second cup of coffee. “Justin ... I'm going to be spending time in the office ...” stated Brian and he got up from his chair and took his cup with him. “Sure ... don't worry about me ...” said the younger man and he watched him go. It wasn't surprising that now here, Brian wanted to make himself useful and help out with the ranch while Paul was recovering. Finding his way to the office, Brian discovered Penny already there. While Mark was out with the herd, she was trying to catch up with the paperwork that had been neglected while they were worrying about Paul. “How can I help?” asked Brian, pulling a chair up alongside her. “Well ... there's a number of invoices to sort and pay ... the accounts haven't changed ...” “Okay ... I'll get things sorted and then get you and Margaret to sign them off ...” “Don't bother ... you're still a signatory ...” smiled Penny and she passed over the tray of invoices. Brian smiled; he'd been gone months and he was still on the books. Justin enquired as to whether there was anything he could do and to be honest felt a little like a spare wheel. But he was there to support Brian and in that role he was performing to his full abilities. With Brian dealing with the business side of the ranch, Justin went upstairs and collected his sketchbook and pencils; he wasn't sure why he'd packed them, but now he was glad he did and he made his way outside. Rebel was in the paddock and he certainly was a magnificent beast as Justin perched on the top rail of the fencing and opened his sketchbook. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian spent the next few hours sorting things out and working out what had to be done first. Invoices needed paying and stocks re-ordered and the men's overtime sheets needed entering. Thankfully, the system Brian had set up was still in use and it wasn't long before he had a handle on things. The large breakfast he'd consumed kept him going well into the afternoon and around 3:00, Justin brought him a coffee and a sandwich. That's when Andrew arrived. Justin could tell immediately by Brian's reaction that something had passed between the two men and watched for Brian's response when he said he'd leave them to it. Brian didn't try and stop him, but for whatever reason, Justin found himself loitering in the hallway outside. “Good to see you again, Brian ... you're looking great ...” and the gentleness and affection in Andrew's voice as he closed the door behind him made Justin bite his lip and then he moved slowly away. He didn't need confirmation; the two men had obviously been lovers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin knew they were totally irrational, but he couldn't deny the feelings of jealousy he felt as, still clutching his sketchbook, he made he way back to the bedroom and heard a quiet but definite thud coming from one of the other rooms. Justin knocked and then opened the bedroom door to find Paul half hanging out the bed and he rushed to help the man sit up. He'd been dozing and the book he'd been reading had slipped off the bed onto the floor and he'd attempted to reach it, but then had difficulty in getting himself back upright again. “Here ... let me help you ...” and Justin helped Paul lean back on the pillows and retrieved the book, which the older man took from him and then placed on the nightstand: Paul looked at him. “Thanks ... I don't believe we've been introduced ...” “Justin ... Justin Taylor ...” “Ah ...” replied Paul and he nodded. “You're here with Brian ...” Justin smiled and started to back away, but Paul wouldn't let him go. “Pull up a chair young man ... talk to me a while ...” and then he noticed the sketchbook in Justin's hand. “What's that you have?” “I draw ...” answered Justin and Paul held out his hand. “Well ... let me see ...” Justin hesitated and then moved forward and handed Paul the pad and then brought the chair nearer to the bed as the older man started to turn the pages; complimenting Justin on the pictures contained within. He coughed and there was definitely a raised eyebrow when Paul came to the pictures of Brian and Justin suddenly panicked. Surely Paul would wonder how he'd been able to draw them, but what if Paul didn't know that Brian was gay; after all, he didn't when they first met. Paul glanced up at Justin and caught the young man's worried expression and guessed what was going through his mind, but his only comments were on how excellent he thought Justin's work was and then he came to the picture of Rebel. “I'm still working on that one ...” pointed out Justin. The drawing still needed some work, but there was no doubt of the subject. “It's wonderful, Justin ... Brian will love it,” stated Paul. “He has quite a soft spot for that animal ... he wouldn't want anyone to know that mind ...” and he chuckled and Justin smiled; that sounded about right. “So ... he's been staying with you on your farm I believe ...” asked Paul and Justin nodded. “Well ... I want to hear all about it ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Over the course of the next few days, it was apparent that with the right care, Paul would pretty much make a full recovery. He would still be on the Lasix to remove the excess fluid from his body that was affecting his heart and lungs as well as digitalis to help aid in strengthening his heart for a while, but in around a month's time he would be able to start to pick up the reins again. But what was concerning Justin was whether Brian would want to leave again or now having returned, was he here to stay? Justin could understand the appeal, it was much like he felt about the farm and one morning, on Paul's insistence, Brian took some time off and took Justin out riding. “Christ ... I had no idea it was this big ...” stated Justin in amazement and Brian looked at him; that usual twinkle in those hazel eyes. “The ranch I mean ...” chuckled Justin and he stretched up out of the saddle to lean across and kiss him. With borrowed hat and gloves, Justin was riding Penny's horse, Mistral. The two men had headed out after breakfast and now sitting on top of the ridge looking down over the landscape, with no other civilization in sight, Justin whistled when Brian informed him that Whispering Winds' land stretch as far as the eye could see. They took the horses down to the stream and dismounted and from the saddle bags took out the packed lunch that Anna had prepared for them and sat down under the large, shady tree. “It is beautiful out here,” stated Justin after they'd eaten and he leaned on his elbow and Brian nodded and he rested his back against the tree. “I could forget everything and everyone when I came out here,” said Brian and Justin had the impression that Brian came here often. “When something about the business was bugging me ... or someone ... I'd get up early and it would be just me and Rebel ... sometimes it felt like we were the only two living creatures on earth ... way out here ...” but before Brian could continue further, Justin leaned over and kissed him. “What was that for?” asked Brian once Justin had pulled back and the blond frowned. “There has to be a reason?” “No ... of course not, but ...” “You ... you just sounded a little lost ... a little ...” Justin was going to say lonely and then changed his mind and Brian blinked and looked down at the ground. He'd never admitted he was ever lonely, not even to himself, but there were times when he definitely was. Justin reached out and put his hand beneath Brian's chin and gently lifted his head, seeing in Brian's eyes the confirmation of his thoughts. “I'll always be here for you ... you know that ... don't you ...” said the blond, his voice not much more than a whisper and seeing just how much love shone from those wonderful blue eyes prevented any speech at all from Brian. But there wasn't the need for words and the older man leaned in and kissed that beautiful mouth. Pulling away, Brian sighed and reading his mind, Justin grinned and reached into the pocket of his jeans and produced the necessary requirements. Brian returned the grin. “You must have been a Boy Scout ...” he chuckled and took the proffered packet as Justin slowly undid the zipper on Brian's jeans. Out here in the wilderness, the chances of anyone coming by was so remote that both men shrugged off their clothes and lay naked on the cool grass beneath the branches. Brian tore off the foil wrapper and Justin took the condom from him; gently rolling it onto the man's cock: Brian closing his eyes and taking a deep breath at the young man's light touch. Flipping the top off the small tube of lube, Brian squeezed some onto his fingers as Justin lay back; lifting his legs and wrapping them around Brian's waist: gasping at the coldness and now very familiar and wonderful sensations that coursed through his entire body whenever Brian entered him. Justin urged him on, squeezing his legs; digging his heels into Brian's back; wanting the man to take him as far as was possible; as deeply and completely as possible and he grabbed Brian's hair between his fingers as Brian quickened his thrusts, bringing them both ever closer to the brink. Brian leaned down and Justin wrapped his arms around him as they kissed and with every nerve ending alive and pulsating, both men gave everything they had to give and as Justin clenched around Brian, he reached down between them to take his own cock in his hands; matching his tugs with Brian's thrusts; finding their rhythm and the older man moaned loudly as he reached climax. Brian came first with Justin just a few seconds later; shooting his load over Brian's stomach and the older man collapsed on top of the blond, running his fingers through corn-colored locks and Justin sighed and held on: both men trying to recover their breathing; feeling their connection. They heard Rebel snort and Brian lifted his head. “Just as well we didn't frighten the horses ... it would have been a long walk back ...” and grinning he got to his feet and pulled Justin up with him. “Last one to the river has to do a forfeit ...” informed Brian and before Justin could move, Brian had covered half the distance to the water's edge. “Hey ... that's not fair ...” yelled the blond and he took off after him. The water was warm after the summer and as he swam out to join him, Justin looked puzzled. “What kinda forfeit did you have in mind?” he asked him and he stood up; the river not very deep at this part. Grinning, Brian dived beneath the surface and Justin jumped as he felt the man move between his legs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Brian was working, Justin spent a lot of time in Paul's company. He could see why Brian liked him so much; he had a great sense of humor, was always ready to listen to what you had to say and didn't make judgements. Justin had telephoned the Sherman's and spoken to Molly, who was reasonably happy at spending a little longer than first thought with them and Phil too was quite happy to call in on the farm every day and make sure the animals were fed and watered and keep an eye on the place and would even take the eggs to market on Justin's behalf. But Justin couldn't leave it much longer, even though Phil said he didn't mind putting in more hours to make sure nothing spoiled and would even take things to market when they were ready, Justin didn't like to take advantage, nor could he afford to let things go and wondered how much longer Brian had intended to stay here. Andrew came by the ranch every day to see his Dad and though it was awkward to begin with, he and Brian were always civil to one another. But Justin often noticed how Andrew would put his hand on Brian's arm when he didn't think anyone else would notice. But then Justin would smile to himself as he watched Brian move away; seemingly casually, but he never allowed Andrew's touch to last for more than a few moments. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After taking Rebel out for a ride each morning, Brian would take his breakfast with Paul before going down to the office and then made sure he looked in on the man a couple of times during the day. Paul had begun to spend time out of bed and had started to sit on the porch in the afternoons, enjoying the late summer sunshine. With Brian occupied, Justin would often sit with Paul as a welcome change from the females in the house and Paul was glad when the womenfolk left him alone and didn't fuss. He enjoyed the young man's company; Justin was witty and a good conversationalist and they'd taken to having a game of chess. And then one afternoon, Paul asked the question he'd been burning to ask ever since he'd met the blond. “Justin ... now you can tell me it's none of my business ... 'cos truth is ... it isn't ... but you and Brian ... are you what the young folk today call ... an item?” Justin didn't know whether to look shocked or to chuckle and in the end his surprised look gave way to a shrug. “Truth is Paul ... I don't know,” he answered him. “I'd like us to be ... I ... I love him ... but I'm still not really sure how he feels ... he doesn't really give away how he's feeling ...” Paul nodded. “He hasn't changed much that way since the day I first met him ...” and he looked down at his hands. “My son has feelings for him ... did you know that?” Paul asked him. “He never said, “ answered Justin. “But I've seen how they are together ...” “Does that bother you?” asked the older man and Justin shrugged. “I knew there must have been lots of guys in Brian's life ...” “Probably ...” conceded Paul. “Not that he ever said of course ... didn't even tell me he was gay until he announced he was leaving. Can't say I wasn't curious ... he reminded me of Andrew ... the fact that a young guy like Brian wasn't working his way through the local female population did make me wonder ...” “I offered to try and work something out for Brian ... if he thought he and Andrew might make a go of it,” admitted Paul and Justin couldn't help looking a little shocked. He had no idea Brian and Andrew had gotten that close. “But he said he couldn't commit ... didn't think he'd ever be able to commit to anyone ...” and he saw Justin's crestfallen look at his words. “But I guess that was before he met you ...” stated Paul and Justin looked back at him. “Seems to me he's been hanging around that farm of yours an awful long time for someone who didn't think he could commit ...” smiled Paul and Justin blinked and allowed himself a smile in return. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was almost a week now and Justin knew he couldn't stay on much longer; the farm was getting neglected, but Brian seemed reluctant to leave. Justin could see it was obvious the family thought highly of Brian and the twins loved having him around again, practically throwing themselves at Uncle Bri when they first caught sight of him. The only thing really bugging Brian was Andrew and he frowned as the man again arrived at the ranch. Paul had started to take supper with the family and although there were never any public displays of affection, it didn’t take much for his suspicions to be confirmed. You didn’t need to be a genius to see the interaction between Brian and Justin and the bond that had obviously been formed was very much apparent. It also didn’t take Paul long to see that Brian was feeling a little uncomfortable in Andrew's company again, although he was glad his son was coming to the ranch more often. Andrew was rescheduling his own work and spending more and more time there. Not just coming to see his Dad but also taking a much bigger interest in the running of the place and the business side of the ranch. Not making himself an undue nuisance, but seemingly genuinely determined to take a more active part and Brian was starting to feel a little squeezed out; again: a fact that was brought a little more home to him when Andrew said he had a little business to discuss with Brian personally. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paul continued to enjoy the time he spent in Justin's company and marvelled at the responsibilities the young man had taken on since his parents' death in looking after the farm and raising his younger sister. But he couldn't help thinking this youngster was missing out, especially when Justin had told him about the offer from Stuart Mason. “Look at me, Justin ...” Paul had said to him. “There's still plenty of stuff I want to do ... I haven't lived my life entirely as I'd wished ... there's still things I've never got around to ...” “What are you saying?” asked Justin, a little confused at the older man's words and Paul took a deep breath and placed his hand on the young man's arm. “I've seen the talent you've got in that book right there ...” and he indicated the sketchbook that was rarely out of Justin's sight. “You've been made an offer that 99 out of 100 people would grab with both hands and hang on to for dear life ... it's an opportunity of a lifetime ... to use a God given talent like yours and make a living out of it ... are you sure you want to throw that away ... you might never get another chance”. “Now I've had this warning ... I'm damned sure I'm going to start doing all the things I've been putting off ... like a trip to Europe for me and Margaret once I'm back on my feet again ...” “So ... think about it ... okay?” and Justin nodded and bit his lip. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hope you gave my love to Molly ...” stated Brian when he saw Justin put down the phone in the living room. He'd finished his work for the day and Brian knew he was neglecting the young blond who'd made noises about having to get home soon. “I wasn't talking to Molly ... I was talking to Stuart Mason ... you remember ... from the publishers?” replied Justin. “Yeah ... I remember,” said Brian confused and he crossed the floor towards him. Since they'd been at Whispering Winds, neither Justin nor Brian had mentioned the visit from the publisher: Justin reckoned there was too much else going on in Brian's head, trying to cope with the unjustified blame he was heaping on himself for Paul's heart attack. “Only ... I've been thinking over something Paul said ... about not missing out on your chances cos sometimes they never come by again ...” Brian nodded. “And what have you decided?” Justin smiled. “That I'm going to take them up on their offer to publish the book ... he offered me more illustration work if I wanted it ... enough money to put myself through art school”. Brian smiled. “'Bout time ... “ “With the money from the book there should be enough to put Molly through school too so when I get back home I'll talk to her ... see what she wants to do ...” Brian nodded. 'When I get home?' and he wondered whether Justin was no longer including him in the equation, but why should he. He was a bright young kid with a huge talent. It wouldn't take much for him to forge ahead and leave Brian in his wake. Brian stepped forward and put his arms around the blond's waist. “You've got it all worked out ... haven't you?” and he smiled. “I hope it all goes well for you ...” and he leaned forward and kissed him. Pulling away, he brushed the hair from Justin's eyes, smiled and turned to walk away, but Justin grabbed his arm. There was something final in the older man's kiss and Justin didn't understand. Did Brian think he'd be moving on and leaving him behind? “Wait a minute ... I haven't finished” continued Justin and he pulled the man back round to face him. “With the money from the book and illustration work ... and if I sold the farm ... there must be something left over once the mortgage was paid off ... there'd be enough money to put us all through school ...” and he looked up into Brian's eyes, wondering if the man understood him. “Molly ... me ... and you ...” Brian blinked, trying to take in Justin's words: Justin was offering to pay for him to go back and finish school: gain some real qualifications. “You could take a business course ... or anything else come to that ... we could get a place ...” Brian pulled away. Justin was getting a little carried away with himself and Brian shook his head. “What?” asked Justin. “Why not … what about all the times you offered to help me?” “I can't let you spend your money on me ... that's yours and Molly's future ...” “But ...” and Justin hesitated. “I thought it would be your future too ...” Brian took a step backwards. This all sounded a little too much like looking for a firm commitment to him; of seeing a future together: something Brian had never thought he could give. “Then what are you going to do?” asked Justin, raising his voice. “Stay on here ... even though Andrew's making it quite clear that he wants a bigger part in the business ... or are you going to take off again ... run away ...” and he paused as Brian looked back at him. “Yes ... I said run away ...” Brian blinked, but couldn't answer him and he turned his back. “That's it Brian ... keep on running ... never let anyone get close ... NEVER LET ANYONE LOVE YOU ...” and now Justin was shouting after him as Brian walked away. To be continued. Many thanks to Lois and Judy for all your help, advice and friendship.