Chapter 4: Once Jennifer had left the hospital and Lindsay knew everything was going to be okay, she’d asked Brian to call Mel. She hadn’t wanted to alert her before because she didn’t want her to just jump in the car in a blind panic and drive up worried about her and the baby. But now she knew that everything was going to be fine, Lindsay wanted Mel to know what was happening and, like any doting partner would, Mel had left home straight away to be with her. And Brian had also apologised for how he’d reacted when Lindsay had told him about this baby and that he would like to help support them in some small way. Lindsay had always hoped that Brian would want to play a part in the child’s life; indeed she always knew he would. Lindsay wanted the baby to know its Father and had more faith in Brian than it seemed Brian had in himself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After she had rested and been given the all clear to leave the hospital, Brian brought Lindsay back to the resort and kept her company, making sure she wanted for nothing, until Mel arrived. After which, Brian had gone to tell Debbie about the previous night’s emergency trip, knowing she was bound to hear about it in any case and would be upset she hadn’t heard it first hand and Debbie had immediately made a beeline for Lindsay’s cabin; fussing over her like a mother hen. After a good long chat and insisting the girls let her know should they need anything, Debbie was eventually persuaded that everything would be fine. As they were now at the season’s close, Mel would stay until after the end of season dance and then they would pack up and leave together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jennifer and Justin had sat in silence as the cab drove them back to the resort. With his Mom in such a mood, Justin knew it was useless trying to talk to her any further about Brian and, returning to the lodge, she’d gone straight to her room to get some sleep, leaving Molly in the care of Justin and Daphne for the day. But Jennifer was as surprised as her son when Brian turned up on their doorstep just before dinner and it was Justin who’d opened the door to find him standing there. “Brian … what are you doing here? Mom will go mad …she doesn’t want me to have anything more to do with you ….” whispered Justin. “Justin … who is it?” called Jennifer, coming to the door. “Oh … it’s you” she said, flatly, once recognizing their visitor. “Dr. Taylor … I just wanted to thank you for looking after Lindsay last night. She was really scared and it sure helped you being there …” “Well, I’m glad I could be of help. Now … if you’ll excuse me …” said Jennifer and she started to close the door on Brian. “Dr. Taylor”, said Brian, stopping the door from closing on him. “Have I done something?” and he looked at Justin. He was sure the young man hadn’t told his Mother about their relationship, but she was obviously angry or upset at him about something and Jennifer moved out onto the porch, closing the door behind her and Brian took a step backwards to allow her room. “Any man that gets a girl pregnant and then ditches her … ignoring his responsibilities …. Well … he’s nothing to write home about in my book,” said Jennifer sternly, looking Brian squarely in the eye. Brian hesitated and then nodded. “Yeah … well I guess you would think that,” he replied and he turned and left. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Novotny party were trying to make the best of their vacation, which wasn’t easy. While Debbie and Carl were quite enjoying this time away from the busy city, the boys weren’t quite so sure. During the week, Ben and Michael hired a couple of bicycles and were out every day, enjoying the fresh air and exercise. Ben had always tried to keep himself as fit as he could and saw no reason not to, just because they were away from home. As well as taking a turn out on the boating lake, Emmett and Teddy had tried their hand at fishing. Ted remembered fishing as a kid and was curious to know if he still remembered how and, having acquired the gear, he and Emmett had made their way down to the lake and, much to Ted’s surprise, Emmett turned out to be quite the expert. “Back home in Hazelhurst, Mississippi … if you didn’t know how to fish … you’d starve,” said Emmett, carefully returning the sizeable fish back to the lake and he sat back down on the blanket they’d laid out by the water’s edge and Ted shook his head in amazement. Otherwise, the days were only just warm enough now to sunbathe a little and the boys tried to work on what little tan they could produce to have something to show for their vacation, tearing themselves away from the pool now and again for a couple of Brian’s gym sessions. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After his brief conversation with Jennifer, Brian had returned to his room, not bothering to do anything about dinner; he had no appetite. This was the time when he would usually be looking forward to meeting up with Justin. But tonight, he didn’t think he would show and his heart sank at the realisation that their relationship had probably ended. Doctor Taylor had made her disapproval of him so plainly obvious that Brian wondered whether Justin would have the courage to still want to be with him. After all, what on earth could he offer the young man that would persuade him to go against Jennifer’s wishes? Having always had to fight his own battles; assuming no one would ever want to fight in his corner, how could he expect Justin to stand up to his Mother just for him? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As she was coming back from Lindsay’s lodge, reluctantly conceding the girls were getting along just fine, Debbie spotted Brian sitting at the top of the steps leading up to his room; drinking from a beer bottle. He looked so lost and alone and was so preoccupied with his thoughts, that he didn’t even realise Debbie was coming up to see him until she was halfway up the steps. “Hi Brian … sweetie … are you okay? I hope you’re still not worrying about Lindsay and the baby …” and Brian looked at her and shook his head. “No … they’re gonna be fine” and he took another swallow from the bottle. Debbie couldn’t help but notice the far away look on his face, mingled with the sadness in his eyes; an expression she’d never witnessed on Brian before, although she’d seen it many times on others and she sat down on the step beside him and put her hand on his arm. “Okay … what’s his name?” Debbie asked softly. “Huh” replied Brian, frowning and he looked at her in surprise. “What the hell made you ask that?” She smiled at him. “Well … I’ve seen some pretty lovesick kids in my time and boy … do you fit the bill.” Brian looked down at his feet; refusing to acknowledge her observations and thinking that nothing much ever got passed Debbie. Since moving to Pittsburgh, she’d come to know him better than his own Mother had; hell, she’d certainly cared about him more than his own folks ever did. And he’d never had to explain himself to her; somehow, she just knew. “Well … that’s something I thought I’d never see,” said Debbie, after a long pause. “Brian Kinney lost for words. Then I guess it must be serious … so … why the long face? Did you think somehow that you’d be immune … that love would never catch up with you?” she asked him, but Brian only shrugged. “I just never thought … “ and his voice trailed off and he looked into the distance. “Never thought what?” asked Debbie. “That you couldn’t fall in love … or that anyone could fall in love with you … that somehow you’re not worthy?” “Well, that’s bullshit, Brian. Sure, you’ll screw up from time to time ... we all do. But when you’ve got something good … you hang in there and make it right again.” “That’s easy for you to say, Debbie … but I don’t think I know how”. Debbie sighed and took Brian’s hand. “Listen kiddo, it’s taken me just about all my life to meet someone I could love and who loves me. If for one minute you think that you and … “ Debbie paused, waiting for him to say the name. “Justin” said Brian, quietly, and Debbie heard the obvious affection in his voice and she continued. “… that you and Justin could make a go of things, well … you just grab it with both hands and hang on for all you’re worth”. “Don’t run away from love, Brian … just because you’re scared you can’t hack it. You only get one life … don’t fuck it up”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dinner seemed to last forever, but eventually, Justin was able to excuse himself. He desperately needed to see Brian. He knew his Mother was wrong about him, but it wasn’t up to him to explain Brian’s life to her. It was dusk and Justin could hear the music playing in Brian’s room as he mounted the steps and he smiled; it was the same music that had been playing the first time they’d made love and when he knocked on Brian’s door, he wondered for a moment whether the man would still want to see him. He’d been standing just behind the door of the lodge and had heard what his Mother had said and knew Brian must be angry at the assumptions made about him and his treatment of Lindsay and the baby. But when Brian opened the door, he saw the look on his face; the barely disguised relief at finding Justin standing on his doorstep; a relief that Brian didn’t even try and hide. But still, he hesitated, unsure why the blond had come, but then the expression in those beautiful blue eyes brought him hope as Justin reached out to him and Brian took his hand. “I wasn’t sure you’d come”, said Brian and he gently pulled the young man into the room, kicking the door closed behind him and he lent in for a kiss. “I wasn’t sure you’d still want me too,” answered Justin as Brian’s mouth closed over his. And suddenly the rest of the world ceased to exist. In this place, the only universe that mattered was theirs and, standing in the middle of the floor, the music filling the room, Justin’s heart was pounding as Brian held him tightly; so tightly in fact and coupled with the kiss: that he could hardly breathe. Then, without a word, they shed their clothes and Justin moved backwards up the bed until his head rested on the pillows and Brian moved up alongside him and lent in for another kiss; a kiss that was brought to an abrupt halt by the knocking on Brian’s door. “What the fuck… “ “Ignore it”, urged Justin, his mouth just an inch away from Brian’s, but Brian pulled back. “I can’t … it could be about Lindsay” and Justin smiled to himself as Brian moved away; how could anyone say he didn’t care? Grabbing his jeans, Brian pulled them on quickly and went to open the door. Cindy Kramer was standing on Brian’s doorstep in a tight black dress and teetering on exceptionally high-heeled shoes. She’d obviously been drinking and smiled at him coyly as he stepped out onto the veranda, forcing her to take a step backwards. “Brian … I missed you earlier today”, she slurred. “I couldn’t find you anywhere and you still owe me a dance lesson”. “Mrs. Kramer …. Cindy … what are you doing here? You know staff quarters are off limits to the guests”. “Oh but Brian, surely you don’t think of me as just a guest … all those extra lessons and sessions in the gym … I thought we were friends”. Having spent a good portion of the summer at the resort, Cindy had tried as hard as she could to flirt with Brian, who always seemed polite, but totally unaffected by her attentions. But not tonight; she would be going home in a couple of days; it was the end of another season and she was determined Brian wouldn’t get away. She’d never failed with any of the previous dance teachers; she had a record to maintain. Seeing Brian standing on his doorstep; shirtless, barefooted and with the button on his jeans undone, she knew what she wanted and reached out suddenly to run her fingers down his chest. “Aren’t you going to ask me in?” and she made to go passed him into the room. Brian barred her way and reached behind him and pulled the door closed; Cindy narrowed her eyes and she tried to look over his shoulder as he did so. “Have you got someone with you?” she asked him. “Mrs. Kramer … please. You have to leave … I could get in a lot of trouble if anyone finds you here …” “I’ll make it worth your while”, she answered him and she reached in her purse and produced a wad of notes. Brian clenched his teeth: trying to hold in his temper that threatened to erupt. “No, Mrs. Kramer … please don’t make me ask you again. You have to leave … now!” Brian was becoming angry at her insistence and her unashamed attempt to buy his services and they both knew she wasn’t looking for any dance lessons. But did she really have such a low opinion of him that she thought he could be bought? And, when she didn’t budge, he stepped forward and took her by the arm. “Mrs. Kramer .. I’m not asking you … I’m telling you … leave me alone”. For one moment, Brian considered just telling her he was gay. But why the fuck should he; it was no concern of hers. Angry and humiliated at Brian’s rebuttal and with far too much alcohol inside her, Cindy pulled away quickly, determined to leave with her dignity still intact, but her heel caught in between the boards and she yelled out in pain and shock as she sat down heavily; her heel breaking and her tight dress ripping under her arm as she did so. Brian closed his eyes. Shit. He’d wanted her to leave as quietly as possible, but if they weren’t careful, the whole resort would be up here in a minute wanting to know what all the fuss was all about. Cindy was fuming; not only were her dress and shoes ruined, her ass was sore and so was her pride. Suddenly sober, she struggled to her feet, pushing Brian away as he attempted to help her. “Fuck you, Brian”, she yelled at him. “No one treats me like this … you’ll pay for this … believe me you will” and, taking off both her shoes, she retreated down the steps as fast as she could, clinging to the handrail as she went. Whilst Brian was out on the veranda, Justin had put on his underwear and jeans, just in case he had to leave quickly, but now Brian closed the door behind him and Justin watched him walk back into the room. He’d heard every word that had passed between them and could see how it had affected the man, who now went to sit on the sofa. “Can she make trouble for you?” asked Justin and he sat beside him and put his hand at the back of Brian’s neck. Brian shrugged. “She’s been drinking ... she probably won’t even remember it in the morning”, but somehow they both knew that probably wasn’t the case. Justin stroked Brian’s neck and then, leaning towards him, he attempted to kiss him under his jawbone, but the man pulled away from him. “Brian, what’s wrong?” he asked. Slowly, Brian got up and moved towards the middle of the room, keeping his back to Justin. But the young man could clearly hear the pain and anger in Brian’s voice as he spoke. “You know, I really thought … I’d hoped that after all this time that it didn’t matter any more. But first it was your Mom making judgements about me … only seeing some selfish asshole who didn’t give a shit and could abandon a Mother and child so easily … and then Mrs. Kramer … thinking she could buy me for a handful of dollar bills …” “Do people really think so little of me?” Justin stood and made his way across the floor and slipped his hand into Brian’s, but Brian acted as if he hadn’t even realized what the young man had done. “Maybe my Dad was right after all”, continued Brian. “That you can’t run away from who you are ... however much you try … no matter how many miles you put between yourself and where you come from” and Brian was taken back to his life on the trailer park and though he’d tried so often to tell himself it didn’t matter, deep down, Brian knew it did. “When you’re trash, people treat you like trash … they always will, no matter what you do. Why did I ever think it would get any better?” “You’re not trash, Brian,” exclaimed Justin. “People just see what they wanna see. They don’t know you like I do”. “You think so?” asked Brian, pulling away from him. “You really think you know me? What do you really know about me, Justin? What do you know of who I am or where I’m from?” Justin started to speak but stopped. Brian was right, he knew nothing about the life he’d led and, hearing Justin’s hesitancy, Brian turned to face him and dived straight in. Hazel eyes flecked with gold were now burning darkly with intensity as his tirade began and Justin knew well enough not to try and interrupt him, but also that it wasn’t really directed at him. Brian obviously had to get this off his chest and he would just have to ride it out. “You’ve only got to look at you to know that you’ve had every advantage money can buy” Brian continued: now staring straight at him. “Your Mom’s a doctor ... mine’s a drunk. Your Dad was what, some hotshot businessman? Well, mine’s worked on an assembly line all his life”. “Your Mom cares about you … my folks didn’t give a shit about me and I was lucky if my Dad missed a day where he didn’t beat the crap outta me”. “You’re gonna be able to go on and do exactly what you wanna do. Well, my folks didn’t want me to even think about getting into college … thought I was really up myself to believe I’d ever be good enough”. “I bet you live in a big house and probably even have a swimming pool. Shit … I can’t compete with that … not when home to me was a 14 by 60 box … no, make that more like a prison cell”. “See … you don’t know anything. All you know about me is what we do here. What have we ever really done outside this room, Justin? A few discos with a hundred kids around us … a swim in the lake …” “And what do you think your Mother’s gonna say? If she ever accepts the fact that you’re gay … do you think she’d want to see you with someone like me?” and Brian turned away again. Suddenly, he was exhausted and had told Justin more about himself in a couple of minutes; had opened himself up and allowed Justin to see his insecurities, more than he’d allowed anyone else he’d known for years. But why the shit had he felt so compelled to even try and explain everything to this young man? Justin took a deep breath; now it was his turn. “You really think I know nothing about you?” he asked slowly, his voice edged with concern at the realization of the depth of the man’s low, self-esteem; deep-rooted and immovable. “Okay, so we haven’t done much outside this room, but what we’ve done IN this room tells me all I need to know about you” and Justin stepped around in front of him, forcing Brian to look him in the face. Brian sighed and shook his head, but Justin wouldn’t be put off. “You’ve taught me so much, Brian … shown me things about myself I never would have known ... taken me to places I could never imagine … made me strong … given me courage and made me believe in myself”. “You’re patient … allowing me to go at my pace … never trying to force anything on me I wasn’t ready for …” “And you’ve been gentle ... more gentle than I could ever have hoped for my first time and though you’ve never said anything, I know you care about me. Every touch … every kiss tells me how you feel” and, on tiptoes, Justin reached up and put his arms around Brian’s neck and stretched up to kiss him. Brian hesitated, but saw in Justin’s face the expression of someone who cared for him deeply: someone who, despite all those obvious advantages, didn’t condemn anyone else for their origins. Country club set or not, he wasn’t about to judge Brian on an accident of birth. “I don’t care where you’re from or what your folks did”, whispered Justin. “And I don’t give a damn what my Mom thinks”. “I love you, Brian … and I think you love me”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The intensity of their lovemaking had surprised even Brian: Justin willing to give of himself over and over again; allowing Brian into that special inner core that he was only just discovering for himself. Their eyes locking together as their bodies found the rhythm that took them ever closer to that glorious place; their hearts, souls and minds uniting as one as Brian acknowledged and accepted, at last, that he could experience what it was like to love and be loved in return. Finally, he was unafraid to allow Justin to see the real Brian; the man without the barriers he’d spent so many years hiding behind; never really allowing anyone else in before. For the first time in his life, Brian felt as if he really belonged. He was finally comfortable with who he was and what he was doing and was laying next to someone who genuinely cared for him. Was this really the same young man that all those months before Brian had considered to be just a trick; another fuck: a nice piece of blond boy ass and nothing more? How far he’d come since then; how far they’d both travelled. A journey Brian hoped would continue for many a long time to come, but one he feared may be over all too soon. He still had no idea of where he would be once the season was over: their fate unknown. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the last day of Justin’s vacation and the last day of the season; tonight was the end of season dance. Leaving Brian at dawn to return to the lodge, Justin couldn’t bear to think about what was going to happen after this vacation was over; tonight might be the very last time they had to be together, but he couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let Brian go and not ever see him again. Somehow, there had to be a way for them to be together. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jennifer wasn’t dumb. She knew Justin hadn’t come back to the lodge that night, but was afraid to think what he was doing and whom he was with and wondered how many other nights had he not slept in his own bed. Her gut instinct had told her he was with Brian. A man, several years older, who would surely only hurt him; cast him aside when he’d finished with him. But she loved her son and trusted him to come to her when he needed her and she would be there for him when that time came. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ During the day, Brian prepared for the dance: trying to keep his mind off Justin. The thought of being parted from him weighed on him more heavily than he could ever have imagined and when Justin had asked him where they were going to go from here, Brian could only shrug. “I can’t make you any promises, Justin”, he’d told him. But with all his heart, Brian longed to be with the blond with those incredible blue eyes. The kid who’d turned into a man these passed two weeks; a man that Brian knew was surely his destiny. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had fallen behind with the arrangements for the dance: Lindsay having been taken unwell. But the kids at the resort, both staff and guests, had decided to take it upon themselves to decorate the hall. They’d enjoyed the discos and as both Brian and Lindsay were extremely popular, they were happy to rally round. Under the expert eye of someone who was born to organise; Emmett; who had also rounded up the gang and given them their duties, the hall was being transformed into a wonderful scene of flags, ribbons, balloons, flowers and colored lights. By mid-afternoon, the hall was almost finished and Brian left Lindsay and Mel helping out. Lindsay was well enough to give a hand; under the ever watchful eye of her partner and was determined to be at the final dance and to start it off with Brian. She too had enjoyed their time at the resort and was intending to bring the season to a proper close, before heading back home with Mel and impending Motherhood. When Brian went over to the office to check on what refreshments were going to be available for the dance, the Manager’s P.A. met him on the doorstep. “I was just coming to look for you”, said Mandy. “I’m not really sure what’s up … but Mr. Tuckerman’s in a pretty foul mood and wanted me to get you straight away. Oh, and by the way, this came for you yesterday” and she handed Brian an envelope, which Brian took, but never got the chance to look at and he stuffed it into his back pocket. “Thanks … I guess I better go and see what he wants”, said Brian and he headed for the Manager’s office. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian knocked on the door and it was opened. “Brian … you’d better come in” and Richard Tuckerman stepped back to allow him access. Brian entered the office to find Cindy Kramer sitting there and was sure he caught the glimpse of a smile on her face when she saw him. “What’s going on … why did you want to see me?” asked Brian cautiously. “Brian, Mrs. Kramer has made a very serious allegation against you”, stated Mr. Tuckerman, taking his seat behind his desk. “She says that you … made inappropriate advances to her last night and when she refused to comply you became physical … so much so that her dress was torn as she tried to get away from you”. “What do you have to say for yourself?” For a moment Brian was struck dumb, but then the anger he’d felt at Cindy Kramer before resurfaced. “THAT’S A FUCKING LIE” he spat out. “She came on to me and when I wouldn’t …..” “Richard, do I have to sit here and listen to this …” interrupted Cindy and Mr. Tuckerman stood up behind his desk. “Brian, that’s enough … how dare you insult one of our guests like that. Mrs. Kramer has been coming here for many years and I have no reason to doubt her word …” “You’re gonna take the word of some tramp over mine?” shouted Brian, pointing at the woman whose hand now flew up to her mouth in mock horror at his outburst. “Brian, calm down … this isn’t getting us anywhere. Mrs. Kramer would be well within her rights to call in the Police, but has already said she doesn’t really want to do that … that she respects me and my family too much to have this resort dragged through the dirt and I for one think that’s a very generous gesture on Mrs. Kramer’s behalf”. “Now,” continued Mr. Tuckerman, “I know the season’s just about finished in any case, but I don’t want you on this resort a moment longer than necessary. Never mind the dance … pack up your gear and be out by the end of the day”. Brian glared at Cindy and then looked back at Mr. Tuckerman and shook his head, realizing it was no use. Here were those assumptions again. He was being judged out of hand once more for something he hadn’t done. Brian turned slowly and headed for the door when Mr. Tuckerman spoke again. “Oh and Brian, under the circumstances … you can forget about the end of season bonus”. Brian stepped out into the corridor and closed the office door behind him and lent against it. He closed his eyes; the false accusation was bad enough, but to lose the money he’d relied upon all season was the final straw. Now he would have to find permanent work, which might very well mean saying goodbye to Justin. To be continued.