Picture by Susan
____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Chapter 6: It was a very painful time for Justin, coming to terms with the depths of Ethan’s deception. He was shocked at the lengths the man had been prepared to go to in order to reap his revenge on the blond for leaving him all those years before. Even though Ethan had demonstrated how incapable he was of fidelity by cheating on Justin during their relationship, Justin had never thought he would stoop so low and, waking up beside Brian, even after just a couple of days apart, felt so good and made Justin realise just how lucky he was. They’d eventually made it up to bed in the early hours of the morning, after watching the embers fade to just a glimmer in the hearth and, immensely happy and satisfied, had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. The following morning neither of them said very much; that was still to come. But they both knew what they must do and that was to never again let a secret come between them, no matter how painful it might be for either of them. Drying himself off after getting out of the shower, Brian had paused to put his arms around the blond as Justin stood in front of the sink. He’d just finished brushing his teeth and leaned back into the older man; looking at their reflections in the mirror and Justin tilted his head back to kiss him. Brian didn’t have to say very much; Justin realised how close they’d come this time to losing everything. If Brian had cared just that fraction less he might very well have missed what those photographs Ethan had sent him were really saying. He could have taken them at face value for what they were meant to be and tossed Justin aside instead of seeing the truth and giving Justin the benefit of the doubt. And now, Brian smiled as Justin ran his fingers across Brian’s shoulders as he walked passed him and sat down beside him at the breakfast table where Brian had placed two cups of steaming coffee. “Justin …” said Brian at last and Justin sighed; this was the conversation he’d been expecting. “Don’t Brian … I know what an idiot I’ve been …” “You’re not an idiot,” countered Brian. “You trusted Ethan … even I didn’t think he was capable of trying something like that. You have more faith in people than I have and considering what you’ve been through … don’t ever lose that … okay?” and Justin smiled and took a sip from his cup and Brian could see how awkward Justin still felt, knowing how close he’d come to pushing them over the edge. “We have to draw a line under this, Justin,” continued Brian. “No more going back. I don’t want to be constantly looking over my shoulder all the time … just waiting for the next thing that the past is gonna throw up at us” and he took Justin’s hand. “I know I put this ring back on your finger last night,” he continued, “but I’m gonna ask you one more time if this is what you really want”. “Apart from anything else … I’m nearly 41 for chrissakes. When I hit 50 you won’t even be 40 …” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand; his other hand he put to the older man’s lips; wanting to stop him from going any further. “I love you, Brian … but I know you must have your doubts … after Ethan,” stated Justin, and he sighed and withdrew his hand from Brian’s. “Why is it always me who fucks up? I know you always got the blame … but at least you didn’t make promises you knew you couldn’t keep. I was the one who made the rules … no kissing anyone else … no fucking anyone more than once … but it was always me who broke them …” “You were pretty young back then …” interrupted Brian. “too young to tie yourself down to just one guy. And I didn’t always give you much of a choice, did I? I mean … if I wasn’t prepared to give myself, well then why should you?” “Can you ever trust me?” asked Justin and Brian smiled. “I always thought I’d be the one asking that question,” he replied and then he frowned. “Looking back … I have to admit … there’s a lot that I’m not particularly proud of … but I swear I haven’t got the energy to waste on worrying about it any more … what’s done is done and can’t be undone, but we’ve a future ahead of us now … you, me and Gus. That’s all I care about … nothing else. Do I make myself clear on that?” and Justin nodded. Yes, Brian had made things quite clear: crystal clear in fact. Whatever had happened in the past was best left buried and Justin was quite happy to go along with anything Brian said at this point; feeling as he did that he owed the man big time for being so understanding. “What are you going to do about Gus?” asked Justin, acknowledging Brian’s wish to no longer dwell on the past. “Well,” replied Brian. “how about we have a couple of days to ourselves … I can ring Debs and see if he can stay there …” “I’d like that”, answered Justin, smiling at him. “Great,” replied Brian, “… then I’ll just need to call Becky and tell her I … we … won’t be in for a couple of days”. Debbie answered the phone on the second ring, relieved that Brian sounded okay; she’d hated leaving him on his own when she collected Gus. He’d been pretty down; much like he’d been when he lost Justin the first time around and she’d been worrying about him. “Debbie … it’s Brian”. “Hi Brian,” said Debbie, “you doing okay?” she asked him; turning her back on the room so that Gus couldn’t hear. “I’m fine” he answered her. “In actual fact … I’m more than fine and if it’s okay with you, can you keep Gus for another day or so?” “Sure Brian … would be happy to.” “Is he giving you any problems?” “Nah, apart from the fact that I now know Spiderman backwards … he’s no trouble at all … I love having him here and we’ve been having some pretty good talks …” “Uh-Oh …” said Brian. “That sounds ominous. You wouldn’t be filling the kid’s head with horror stories about his ol’ man now would you, Debbie?” asked Brian and Debbie chuckled. “’Course not … but we’ve been having some pretty good chats about Lindsay and Melanie … and of course I might have slipped in the odd story about what his Dad was like when he wasn’t that much older than Gus is now …” and Brian groaned. “Thanks Debbie …” “Only too pleased to oblige …” came the answer and Brian shook his head; trying to remember all the scrapes he’d got into as a kid and all the times he’d been chewed out by his surrogate Mom. “Well I’m glad you two are having such a good time …” continued Brian, “ … only Justin and I would like to spend a little time on our own …” “You two sorted everything out?” asked Debbie, hopefully and Brian smiled across the room at the blond. “Yes … we’re back on track … it was all a … a huge mistake … but we could do with some time on our own before Gus comes back … so would that be okay?” “More than happy to, Brian … I’m so pleased to hear that” smiled Debbie. “Thanks Debs. Can I have a word with him?” “Sure … I’ll put him on”. “Gus … it’s your Dad” called Debbie and the boy raced across the room to take the phone from her. “Hi Dad” “Hi Sonny-boy … you okay … you behaving yourself for Debbie?” “’Course I am Dad” answered the boy indignantly. “And you’re having a good time?” “Sure …” answered his son. “Then you won’t mind staying another couple of days?” asked Brian. “Well, no …” replied the boy, sensing there was something else. “Is everything okay, Dad?” “Everything’s fine, but Justin and me …” “Justin’s back?” exclaimed Gus, unable to hide his delight. “Yeah,” answered his Father. “Justin’s back … we’ve sorted everything out and everything’s gonna be just fine.” “Is he staying?” asked Gus. “Yes, he’s staying”, answered his Father, “ … so there’s nothing for you to worry about … you just have a good time at Deb’s and I’ll get you in a couple of days. Does that sound okay to you?” “That’s brilliant, Dad. Give my love to Justin”. “I will …” “Love you Dad”. “Love you too, Gus. How about you pass me back to Deb’s” “Okay, Dad. Bye.” “Bye Sonny-Boy”. “Hi Brian”. “Hi Debs ... I’ll see you in a couple of days. It won’t be any longer … I don’t want Gus to miss any more school on our account.” Brian paused. “And thanks Debs … I always know who I can count on …” “It’s no trouble, Brian … you know that. Now … you get back to that man of yours and you give Sunshine a big hug for me … okay?” “You’ve gotta deal” answered Brian and they rang off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Over the next couple of days they talked and walked and cooked together and, even though it wasn’t really cold enough, Brian and Justin curled up in front of the open fire of an evening and watched old movies. And they made love and then ate breakfast in bed and planned how they were going to get Justin’s business back on track. He had no idea what, if anything, would come of the work he’d done for the recording company; he’d fulfilled his commitments, so by rights he should get paid for all the hours he’d put in. But Justin shuddered at the thought of having to have any sort of contact again with Mr. Gold, even though Brian thought he should phone Tony Marshall and sort out what was owed him. “It’s business,” stated Brian and Justin knew he was right. Why should he run away with his tail between his legs? Justin had done nothing to be ashamed of and there was no reason he should be left unpaid for the work he’d done. And it would be a way of illustrating to Ethan how Justin had risen above everything the man had tried to do. “I’ll think about it …” said Justin and Brian left it at that; knowing Justin would do it in his own time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two days later, Brian and Justin collected Gus from Debbie’s, who’d already cut back on her hours in the diner and was due to marry Marty in the fall. Debbie had enjoyed spending time with Gus; he was, after all, practically her grandson. Gus was still packing his things away when Brian went up to the bedroom to fetch him. He’d been staying in Mikey’s old room; a room Brian had slept in many times as a kid when he was trying to avoid going home and Brian felt a pang of nostalgia as he opened the door and watched Gus put the last of his things in his holdall. The room brought back a whole load of good memories and Brian missed Mikey’s friendship and it still hurt him that his oldest friend didn’t seem to want to acknowledge his relationship with Justin. “Hi Sonny-boy … are you ready to go?” asked Brian and the boy turned round and moved to his Father: giving him a big hug. “Hi Dad … I’m all packed” replied Gus and then he pulled away and returned to the bed to pick up his holdall. Taking the bag from him, Brian followed the boy down the stairs and Gus trotted into the kitchen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After Brian had disappeared up the stairs to find his son, Debbie had turned to Justin who had sat down on the table. “You two sorted yourselves out?” asked Debbie, straight to the point as usual and she sat down opposite him. “Only I’m getting too old for this … I don’t think I could take you two breaking up again …” and Justin looked at her. “Me neither, Debs” he answered. “And Ethan? Where does he fit into all this?” she asked and Justin frowned. Obviously, Brian had talked a little about what had happened and he wasn’t sure whether he should be annoyed at the older man, but decided he couldn’t be. Brian had needed a friend when all of this was going on and with Mikey seemingly out of the picture, then Debbie would be the most obvious person for him to talk to. “He doesn’t” answered Justin, “… it was all a big mistake … but I didn’t do anything Debs … I mean I didn’t cheat on Brian … I want you to know that. I wouldn’t … I couldn’t … I love the man too much …” and Debbie smiled. “I know you do, Sunshine” she answered him. “But sometimes we don’t always do the things we know we should … especially where a nice piece of ass is concerned …” and she chuckled and Justin looked down at his hands. “It was nothing like that Debbie,” said Justin quietly. “I trusted Ethan and he … he abused that trust. It won’t happen again …” and Debbie looked at him and saw a flash of hurt in Justin’s eyes. She wasn’t going to press him for details; whatever had happened had obviously left its mark. One day he might tell her, but she would never ask. “JUSTIN!” yelled Gus and he launched himself at the blond as Justin got up from the table to greet him. “I missed you”. “I missed you too, Gus,” said Justin and the two hugged and Brian smiled to see how much his son and partner obviously cared for each other. Debbie saw them to the door and Gus hugged her before making his way down to the car and Debbie put her hand on both Brian and Justin’s arms; holding them back. “I don’t mind telling you …” said Debbie, out of Gus’s earshot, “… that I said a little prayer for the two of you. If ever there’s two people who should be together it’s you guys … and if either of you fuck it up again ...” and she wagged her finger at them in mock chastisement. “We won’t Debbie,” said Justin quietly and he gave her a kiss on the cheek before following Gus down the steps. Brian lent down and gave her a kiss also. “Thanks Mom” he whispered and she patted his face. “I just wish both my boys were talking to each other …” said Debbie and Brian briefly closed his eyes. “If Mikey can’t accept that I’m with Justin … there’s not a lot I can do about that …” “But you are still friends … right?” asked Debbie and Brian nodded. “I’ve never not been Mikey’s friend, Debbie,” answered Brian. “But he’s not being mine …” and Brian shrugged and Debbie smiled in acknowledgement as she watched him leave and Gus waved to her from the car as they drove away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The next few weeks saw Justin putting in more time at Kinnetik. Brian had taken on an assistant for him; someone who could take charge when Justin was working on his own projects and Justin made the commitment to always deal with Brian’s biggest clients himself. But the time was moving steadily towards Brian’s birthday and the anniversary of Lindsay and Melanie’s death. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As Brian had promised Gus, a tree would be planted as a permanent memorial to Lindsay and Melanie and now Brian, Gus and Justin were checking out the nurseries to see what would be the most suitable. They’d spent nearly two hours, seeing what was available and talking to the specialist on hand for advice, but it was Gus who had finally spotted what he had been looking for. “That’s the one, Dad” called the boy and he pulled his Father towards a group of young saplings. “Eastern Redbud?” asked Brian reading the label and Gus nodded. “Why this one, Gus?” asked Justin. “We did a nature assignment last year in school … just before the accident” answered Gus and Brian ruffled his son’s hair in affection. “And both Mom and Mama said how much they loved this tree. It has tons of pink flowers in the summer and the leaves are shaped like hearts … look” and Gus pointed to the illustration. It was a very pretty tree and would look lovely in the garden and Brian knew exactly the right spot for it, where it was nice and quiet. And the leaves looked exactly like hearts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was Brian’s birthday, the day before the tree dedication and although Brian had stressed he didn’t want a big deal made of it, Gus and Justin had other ideas. Justin had got up early to help Gus make breakfast in bed for his Dad. Brian would have preferred having Justin stay in bed for his birthday, but that particular present would have to wait until later. Quietly, Justin opened the door as Gus carried in the tray; Brian pretended to still be asleep, even though he was well aware of what the two of them were up to. “Happy birthday, Dad” said Gus, placing the tray at the bottom of the bed and Brian ‘woke up’ at the sound of his voice. Coffee, juice and toast. Brian was never a big breakfast eater; was never a big eater period, but brought in by his son, this meal was a banquet fit for a king. Inwardly, Brian groaned and then sat up. Another year had gone by and he’d already noticed a few more grey hairs whilst looking in the shaving mirror; maybe he should get around to doing something about those pretty soon. Justin had perched on the edge of the bed and now handed Gus the package he’d been holding for him, which Gus now passed to his Dad. “I got you this”, said the boy. “Justin said you were a fan …” and Brian tore open the wrapping paper. “Rebel Without A Cause”: James Dean and available on DVD and Justin had taken Gus to the store to purchase it for him and Brian smiled, “thanks Gus … this is great” and Gus beamed with pride at having got his Father a gift he would enjoy. Moving from the bed, Justin went to the closet and pulled out a package he’d hidden right at the back. It was rather large and flat and Brian looked questioningly as the blond passed it over. “I hope you like it …” said Justin and slowly, Brian began to remove the packaging, feeling a lump start to form in his throat and he had to fight to keep down the tears as he stared at the drawing. It was of Brian, Gus and Justin; a real family picture. “Justin … it … it’s beautiful …” whispered Brian and he looked up at the blond and smiled and Justin smiled back. “We’ll find the right place for this downstairs … where everyone can see it” said Brian proudly. The picture had taken a lot of hard work on Justin’s part as his hand could only hold out for so long at a time; a fact that hadn’t been lost on Brian as he studied it. “Come on Dad … your breakfast’s getting cold,” reminded Gus and Justin took the picture from Brian and stood it carefully against the closet door as Gus passed his Father the tray. And Justin grinned as he promptly helped himself to a piece of Brian’s toast. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rosa had come in early as she’d promised Brian she would help prepare the food for the dedication and do anything that could be got ready the day before and then refrigerated. Even though she had never known Lindsay and Melanie, she knew how important his Mom’s had been to Gus and what a special, but difficult time, this was bound to be. Emmett, once again, was in charge of catering and the two of them had got together to work on the menus and, as before, Brian was overwhelmed by the willingness of the people around them to help out and make things as easy for them as they could. And even though he said he didn’t want one, Rosa had made Brian a birthday cake for them to have later in the day and Justin had whispered that they had the fire department standing by owing to the number of candles on the cake. Brian whispered in return that the blond would later pay for that remark and Justin grinned and told him he would hold him to that. Brian spent most of his birthday making sure that everything would be just perfect for the dedication. The young tree had been delivered and was safely stored in the coolness of the garage. Brian and a nurseryman had already discussed exactly where the tree should go and the ground had been prepared in readiness. Brian didn’t trust his gardening skills and tomorrow morning, a couple of guys from the nursery would plant the tree, just leaving the last few shovels of soil to be put in place. It just needed the weather to be favourable and looking at the forecast, everything seemed to be coming together perfectly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The day of the dedication had arrived and Gus was putting on a brave face. Brian realised how difficult this would be for the boy and his son was the only reason Brian was able to keep it together himself, remembering what had happened just 12 months ago. So much had happened in the last year; his life had literally been turned upside down. Becoming a full-time Dad had never been on the agenda and, in the beginning, Brian thought he wouldn’t cope with his young charge. But eventually, they had developed into a team and had formed a closer relationship than Brian could ever have wished for. And then just when he thought he was destined for life as a single man; never looking for a partner, but beginning to recognise how lonely and remote he had become, along came Justin back into his life, bringing love and hope for the future; more than he could ever have imagined. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Their closest friends had been invited this day and had begun to gather on the lawn. Emmett and Rosa had been working together since first thing and Rosa had repeatedly refused all offers from Emmett to give up her job working for the Kinney-Taylor household and come work for him instead. Brian and Gus greeted their guests with Justin taking a step back. This was Brian and Gus’s day and he didn’t want to intrude, even though Brian said he wasn’t and more than once had pulled the blond to his side. After he’d done this twice, Justin realised that Brian, without word, was saying how much he needed his support and so Justin now stood alongside him as their friends arrived. “Pastor … I’m so glad you could do this for us …” said Brian, greeting the woman who had performed Lindsay and Melanie’s wedding ceremony and who had now come out of retirement to take the dedication. “Brian … please … call me Anne” came the reply and she held his hand, “and I wish I could be here under happier circumstances”, and Brian nodded. “You weren’t at the wedding … as I recall,” said Anne and Brian briefly looked away. “Umm … no … I had a prior engagement” said Brian, with genuine regret and he glanced at Justin. Brian’s prior engagement had been the prize he’d won: an all expenses paid trip to the White Party in Miami. An invitation he’d extended to Justin, who had decided he would rather be with his family and celebrate Lindz’ and Mel’s wedding and then Brian had offered the flight tickets to the girls to trade in for a honeymoon. A gift that had been politely refused by Lindsay, telling him he should go and fuck as many beautiful guys as he could. “Ah, but I think I do remember this young man from the wedding …” said Anne, as she moved on to Justin and shook his hand and they both smiled in recognition. “But this surely can’t be Gus”, exclaimed Anne, putting her hand under the boy’s chin. “My word, you were just a baby when I last saw you … when I came to your Mom’s house to talk about their service. Goodness … how you’ve grown … quite the young gentleman …” “Excuse me,” said Brian and he left the group talking. He’d seen Michael and Ben in the doorway and Michael looked to be hesitating before coming out into the garden. “Hello, Mikey … Ben. Glad you could make it” said Brian as he approached them and he shook hands with Ben and placed his hand on Michael’s shoulder. “Hunter sends his apologies”, said Ben, first glancing at Brian and then back at Michael. “I … I’ll go and say hello to Justin …” and he moved away from them, giving the two men some space. Ben had always understood Michael and Brian’s relationship and had never been jealous of it. He’d known his partner had been close to Brian; loved him even, since they were teenagers; a love that Brian had never returned and never would, but who had been his closest friend. “Michael …” started Brian, but he was interrupted. “Brian … I know I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to welcome Justin back and accept that you’re together … but if this is what you want … well … let’s just say I’ll get over it … okay?” and Brian smiled. “Thanks, Mikey … we’ve known each other so long … I hate it when we fight …” and he squeezed Michael’s shoulder in affection, but noticed how the other man’s tone had sounded cool towards him. When Ben returned to join them, Brian went to meet more of their guests; Melanie’s cousin, Rita, along with her husband had arrived shortly after members of the law firm where Melanie had been partner and friends they’d made from the GLC. Ted, Debbie and Marty arrived and, within a few minutes, were joined by Jennifer, who had come with Molly and Gary in order to show their support. Daphne and John had managed to travel at the last minute; Daphne had always been on good terms with Lindsay and Melanie and now all members of Brian, Gus and Justin’s extended family had arrived. It had turned into a perfect day and, in the warm early summer sunshine, Anne had delivered a most beautiful dedication. Brian and Gus moved towards the tree where, together, they added the finishing touch. Justin had made sure he held back this time; this was a moment for Father and son to share and Brian smiled at Gus and took the boy’s hand as they returned to the group. Justin could tell by the set of Brian’s jaw just how difficult he was finding today and he covered the last few feet between them and first hugged Brian and then lent down to hug Gus. And then the three of them stood together, Justin’s head on Brian’s shoulder; one arm around the older man: a hand on Gus’s shoulder. Brian welcomed Justin’s hug; leaning against him and putting his arm around the blond’s and he looked down at Gus, who’d put one arm around his Dad’s waist and one arm around Justin’s and Brian ruffled Gus’s hair. This so touching scene was not lost on anyone present; watching this family group; three people who loved each other so much and who needed and relied upon one another. It was Emmett who finally broke the ensuing silence; preventing it from becoming awkward, with the announcement of refreshments and Brian kissed Justin before they turned back to the group, ushering them towards the tables laden with food and drink. One after another, their guests came to them to express how they’d enjoyed the ceremony, complimenting them on how perfect it all was and at one point, Brian drew back a little outside the group, trying to find a few quiet moments to himself. It was at this point that his oldest friend approached him. Michael had seen how, during the greeting of their guests, the dedication and then afterwards, that Justin had barely left Brian’s side. He’d seen the smiles, the hand squeezing and all the little gestures of support and obvious love and he was glad. Of everyone, Michael had witnessed close hand how devastated Brian had been by Justin’s departure during the Rage party and he knew how hard Lindz’ loss especially had been for him. Brian needed someone in his life and that someone would appear to be Justin. “Brian …” “Hi Mikey …” said Brian, his tone almost hushed. Before today, he and Michael had had no contact since the housewarming where they’d barely said just a few words to each other and he hoped this wasn’t going to end badly. “I … I’m sorry for being such an asshole …” said Michael quietly and Brian looked at him. “Justin obviously loves you,” he continued, “and I can see how much you … and Gus … love him and I just wanted to say … well … that I am really happy for you”. “Thanks Mikey,” replied Brian. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that … it means a great deal that you can accept that Justin and me are together” and he smiled at him, relieved that at last, things were good between them. “Then … we are still friends?” asked Michael and Brian pulled him in closer. “Of course we are”, he answered him. “We always have been … we always will be” and the two old friends hesitated before they shared a kiss; a kiss that said they would always be there for each other, but one that lacked fire or passion. This was a kiss between friends, not lovers. Justin and Ben had been standing together and had watched the little exchange between their partners and Ben smiled, thankful that at last Michael had come around. They’d seen the kiss and both knew that it meant nothing; that it was merely a display of affection between two people who had been friends for longer than anyone really cared to remember; neither of them feeling threatened by it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By early evening, everyone had left and even the cleaning up had been completed; Rosa, Emmett and a couple of Emmett’s employees had seen to that and now Brian, Gus and Justin were alone in the house. Brian had hung his birthday gift from Justin in the living room and it had drawn a great deal of admiration from everyone and Justin might even get a commission or two from it. Gus was up in his room watching a movie as Brian came in to the living room from the hall to join Justin, who’d made some fresh coffee and was now sitting on the sofa. “I forgot all about this … what with everything going on today”, said Brian as he dropped the morning’s mail on the coffee table and sat down beside the blond. “I can’t believe how beautiful today was,” said Justin, passing Brian his coffee and Brian nodded. “Yes it was,” he answered. “And made a whole lot easier with you being here to share it …” and Justin looked at him and smiled. Yes, it had been beautiful and Brian hoped, in some small way, that it made up for the fact he hadn’t been at Lindsay and Mel’s wedding. Justin put down his coffee cup and picked up the mail. There were two envelopes, both for him and he frowned as he opened the first one marked East Coast Recordings. But the frown quickly turned into surprise and then into a grin as he read the amount on the check. “Jeez,” said Justin and he showed the check to Brian, who gave out a low whistle. “Well, that won’t do your bank balance any harm. Not that it makes up in any way …” and he stopped and looked at Justin; a look that said sorry; I should never have mentioned that and of course nothing could ever make up for what was done to you, but Justin smiled at him. No, nothing could ever recompense Justin for what Ethan had done, but the payment was for work completed; a contract fulfilled. Placing the check back in the envelope for safety, Justin turned his attention to the second letter; this one from Penn Federal Bank and Justin again frowned as he started to open it, wondering why they should be writing to him again; they’d already turned down his loan application. Brian watched Justin’s face as the blond read the letter and studied his expression; Justin’s eyes opening wide in surprise. “My god” exclaimed Justin. “Listen to this …” “Dear Mr. Taylor … after due consideration, we have decided to review our decision and are pleased to inform you that we now approve your application and invite you to make an appointment with us in order that we may discuss the arrangements … Yours …” and Justin shook his head in disbelief. “I wonder what made them change their mind?” he asked, handing Brian the letter. Brian shrugged. “Beats me … obviously they realised their mistake and knew they just couldn’t pass up the chance to back someone with such obvious talent …” “Oh please” said Justin, “I’ve never heard of a bank going back to anyone before saying sorry … we made a mistake … please take our money” and at the back of Justin’s mind, all sorts of bells were ringing and he lent over and retrieved the letter from Brian. “Wait a minute …” said Justin, studying the bank’s letter; “Peter Van Linden, President and CEO … that’s Katherine’s Casuals …” “Mmm?” said Brian, indifferently and he got up from the sofa to head for the kitchen and Justin watched him go. “I’m feeling a little hungry … do you want some leftovers?” “Brian …” “I think there’s some of that herb chicken left …” “Brian …” “… and I think there’s some of that ham … or do you want some of the pasta?” Justin followed Brian and now stood by the kitchen door, watching as the older man surveyed the contents of the refrigerator. “What are you doing?” Justin asked him. “You still don’t like to eat carbs after seven if you can avoid it …” “It’s only just aver seven …” countered Brian as he straightened up and closed the refrigerator door and he looked at Justin and saw the half-smile on the blond’s face and Brian put his hand to his mouth and chewed his thumb. “I know what you’ve been up to …” said Justin, quietly. “You do huh?” asked Brian. “And what exactly is it you think I’ve been doing?” and Justin smiled and moved towards him, slipping his arms around the older man’s waist; bringing him around to face him. “You told Katherine’s Father that his bank turned down my loan application didn’t you? … and you got him to change their decision”. “Justin,” said Brian. “I don’t think even I could persuade the bank to change their decision about loaning you money if they didn’t think you were a good enough risk. I just … I just asked him to take a second look. After all, first impressions aren’t always what they seem … are they?” and Justin stretched up to kiss him. No, first impressions aren’t always the ones to go with and, once again, Justin was grateful for that fact. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had taken some leftovers up to Gus in his room. The boy had found the day quite exhausting and even though he didn’t fully understand why, had been a little emotional once the proceedings had finished. Normally, Brian didn’t approve of meals being taken away from the table, but on this occasion he was happy for Gus to eat quietly in his room, watching a movie. Brian and Justin sat at the kitchen table. They enjoyed eating there and only used the dining room when they had guests and they’d opened up a bottle of wine to go with their food. “I think I’m gonna have to start back at the gym,” said Brian pushing back his plate and he patted his stomach. Justin laughed. “What the hell for … there’s not a scrap of flesh on you that shouldn’t be there …” “True,” agreed Brian, getting up to take some of the dirty dishes over to the counter. “but I have this younger lover …” “Hot in bed … is he?” interrupted Justin, getting up from his seat and taking the rest of the dishes over to the counter. The older man smiled, “Mmm … yeah … guess so,” he conceded. “But he can just about keep up …” and Justin chuckled and threw the dishtowel at him and then started to load the dishwasher as Brian tidied up the counter. “You know … there’s something I’ve never asked you …” said Justin, as he closed the dishwasher door and started the program. Brian picked up their glasses and the remainder of the bottle of wine and together they moved into the living room. “What’s that?” asked Brian as he set the glasses down on the coffee table and he sat down and poured out the remainder of the wine. Justin hesitated. “I’ve never asked you … when it was you knew you loved me”. Brian had his glass almost to his lips when Justin asked the question, but he replaced his drink on the table without taking a sip and Justin now came to sit beside him. Brian lent back against the cushions and it was a few minutes before could answer. Justin waited and wondered if he’d overstepped the mark. Even now, Brian had difficulty putting his feelings into words. Yes, at last he could tell Justin he loved him, but opening up totally still didn’t come easy. “I knew there something right from the start … when I first saw you”, said Brian, quietly. “It was like … nothing else existed … everything was in shadow … darkness … and there you were … standing under that street lamp … bathed in light” and Justin smiled at the memory of their first meeting. “That sounds so romantic” he whispered and Brian returned his smile, but only for a moment. “But as for when I knew for sure that I loved you …” said Brian and he briefly closed his eyes, recalling the memory and he swallowed. “I knew I loved you … without a shadow of a doubt … when I was sitting in the hospital corridor … covered in your blood … and not knowing if you were going to live or die.” “The pain of knowing I might lose you was so great … I knew it couldn’t be anything else. I knew then that I loved you … even if it took me so fucking long to get around to telling you …” and Brian looked over at Justin, a little embarrassed at his confession. Justin studied Brian’s face. He still had limited memories of that night, but Brian had lived through it all and could remember everything. Pain like that never fully goes away and for a few minutes there was silence between them. “What about you?” asked Brian, eventually and he now took a sip from his glass. “That’s easy,” replied Justin. “It was right from the start … the first time I laid eyes on you … I knew it was more than just a connection … and then seeing you with baby Gus … and how you made love to me the first time …” “You think that was love?” asked Brian. “I know it was love,” answered Justin. “You might not have known at the time … but I did”. “And then later … the way you stood up to my Father … and telling me I should be who I wanted to be … not what he was expecting of me … that I should go for my dreams and refusing to let me give in when I thought I’d lost my art … showing me there was an alternative … always being there for me. I always knew I loved you …” “And then when you made love to me after the bashing … I knew then that you loved me … even though you couldn’t tell me … well, at least not in words …” “Yeah” said Brian. “And look where that got me”. “That doesn’t matter now”, answered Justin. “Hey, you’re the one who said we shouldn’t be looking at our past and you’re right … we have to let it go. We’ve got a wonderful home … a great life … we’re a family.” “We’ve got something really good here”, continued Justin, “ … something permanent where we can start to build a future for ourselves. We’re …” “Putting down roots?” offered Brian and Justin smiled. “Yes, we are and what we’ve been through can only strengthen us” and Justin picked up his glass. “To us … you, Gus and me”, said Justin and they clinked glasses in a toast. “To us” repeated Brian and they finished their drinks and Brian set down his glass on the coffee table and took Justin’s from his hand and set that down too. Drawing Justin closer, Brian pulled the blond in for a long, lingering kiss. As Brian kissed him, Justin felt once more, the reaffirming of Brian’s love for him and the younger man now felt free of his past also. The bashing, leaving Brian for Ethan and Ethan’s manipulations; manipulations that had almost torn them apart and he knew he was right; they were much stronger now. As Brian felt the fire and passion in Justin’s kiss, a true sense of belonging came over him. This was family; not some fucked-up excuse for a family: a group of people forced together through bloodline. And though Debbie had loved him like a Mom and he counted himself lucky to have such good and close friends, Brian’s family had always been part of the wider gay community, but not now. Now he had a real family; a family of his own and, finally, Brian felt as if he’d come home. The End Nov. 20th 2004 Notes: Many thanks to Mary Beth at the Pittsburgh Parks Department for helping me choose a tree! http://www.pittsburghparks.org And if anyone wants to see how pretty the Eastern Redbud is, here’s the link: http://www.naturehills.com/new/product/productdetails.aspx?proname=Eastern+Redbud Information on Pennsylvania state parks can be found at the link for the Pennsylvania Department of Conservation and Natural Resources: http://www.dcnr.state.pa.us