Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Thanks as usual to my beta Lois and Eka for making our banner as well as to Ethan for being a great object for unadulterated hate I stand in front of the door to Ethan’s, I don’t know why I can’t think of it as mine but I can’t. I’m hesitating before opening the door because I just got the best news I have ever had but I don’t know how Ethan will take it. I lean my head on the door and slowly pull the piece of paper out of my pocket and stare at the words on it. I still can’t believe the test was positive. I hadn’t even thought about it when I went to the doctor’s. I just thought I was sick but I never even thought of this. I’m pregnant and I know it’s Brian’s because I only top with Ethan. God, I can’t believe that I’m with a guy who loves me who I don’t love, I like him but I just don’t love him and I’m having a baby by a guy I just left who I love but who doesn’t love me. The irony of the situation makes me want to cry but I don’t. I stiffen my back and reach forward again to open the door and tell Ethan of how our lives have just changed. As soon as I open the door the sound of the violin music, that could be heard from the hall, becomes even louder and I know I will have more time to figure out what to say to Ethan because he won’t acknowledge me until he is done practicing. About a half an hour later I’m sitting on the ratty old couch I helped Ethan drag up here when I hear the sound that is tormenting my ears stop and I quickly turn to another page in my sketchbook. If he sees me drawing Brian again, he will get pissed and I don’t want to deal with that right now. “So how was your day?” I ask as he comes over and kisses me hello like I had just walked in, or should I say, slobbers all over my face, gross. “Great, I got to share my genius with the world quite a bit today.” He preens, meaning they didn’t kick him out of where ever he was playing today, which is good because it means he’s in a good mood for my news. “That’s great.” I say, waiting for him to ask me what happened at the doctors so I can tell him my exciting news. Ethan continues to ramble on about his day and his music and I realize that if he even remembers that I had to go to the doctor’s today, he has no intention of mentioning it. Which sucks because I was hoping he would open the conversation so that I could tell him, but I should have realized because it wasn’t about him, it wasn’t important to him. Everyone had always told me how selfish and self-involved Brian is but they have no idea how wrong they are. If I was still with Brian and I had to go to the doctor’s, he would have been there with me and if he couldn’t pull that off, it would have been the first thing he asked about when he saw me. I shake my head and try to dislodge the thoughts of Brian that are always running through there and wait for Ethan to take a breath so that I can get a word in edgewise. Finally I have my opening and although I had all this time to plan what to say, I still stutter it out. “So I umm went to the doctor’s today and umm found out why I have been feeling like shit.” “And?” Ethan questions impatiently because I had broke his little ‘I’m the best‘ story. “I’m pregnant.” I blurt out with a grin on my face. “Pregnant? What the fuck?” His voice goes from confused to angry in seconds. “You cheated on me? ‘Cause I know you never let me in that ass.” “No, of course not. I’m two months pregnant.” I say in a hesitant voice, his anger worrying me. He looks at me for a few minutes, digesting the information and every second that he doesn’t say anything, I worry more. I watch a thousand different emotions and thoughts run across his face and I’m worried that he will just kick me out because I’m having Brian’s baby. “So you are telling me you are pregnant with that slut Kinney’s kid?” Ethan hissed out when he finally started talking. “I…yeah, I’m pregnant with Brian’s child.” I stammer out, not sure what is going to happen. “And what do you plan on doing?” Ethan asks snidely. “What do you mean?” I return dumbfounded. “Well, are you going to have an abortion? Are you going to do adoption? Or are you going to keep it.” Ethan answers in a much calmer voice and I feel a lot better about where this is going. “I’m going to keep my baby.” I say in a strong voice because I would never imagine doing anything different. “Ok, and what are your plans on how you’re going to be raising this baby?” Ethan asks in an even colder voice and once again I’m scared and confused. “Huh?” “Stop being stupid, Justin. Who do you plan on raising this baby with?” He snaps at me. “Well, I’m with you so we would raise the baby.” “So Kinney will have nothing to do with it?” Ethan asks, a strange light in his eyes. “Of course Brian will have something to do with it. It will be his son or daughter but he will have the same relationship with this baby as he has with Gus. We will raise him or her and Brian will see him or her when he wants to and I’m sure he’ll help with money; we just need to talk to him about it.” I say because I know Brian will want to be in this child’s life and I know he will help with his child as much as he can. I watch as a strange smile crosses Ethan’s face and I start to crinkle my brow in confusion when he pulls back his hand and before I even realize what is going to happen, he smacks me on the face so hard my head whips around. “Wrong answer.” He snarls. Ethan draws back again to hit me but I slid down on the couch and jump to my feet trying to get away. I’m almost at the door when his strong musician’s hands wrap around my throat and squeeze until I’m lightheaded. “I could kill you right now. Don’t ever try to run from me again, do you understand me? If you try, I promise you, your precious baby and your precious Brian will die, do you got that? Things are going to change in this household and I mean now.” Ethan growls into my ear as he moves me back to the couch by his hold on my neck. Once we’re seated he starts talking again, never removing his hand from my throat. “You are going to do as I say from now on and we will get along just fine. You are going to quit the diner and get another job somewhere else and you are to cut off all contact with all of those skanky people from there, including that slut Kinney. Kinney will not know about this baby or there won’t be one, do you understand.” Ethan takes a break in his tirade and I’m so scared all I can do is agree with him but as soon as I open my mouth, he tightens his hand on my neck as then punches me in the face. “I don’t want you to speak. You will just nod your head, I don’t want to hear your whining.” He demands so I just nod my head, hoping this will be over soon. “Fine, and one last thing for now. That ass is mine.” He growls and then drags me back up by the hold he still hasn’t released on my neck and throws me down on the bed. As soon as I hit the bed, he is ripping my clothes off while I try to beg him to stop with my weak voice but every time a sound comes out of my mouth, whether it is an attempt at words or a fearful whimper, he does something to cause me pain. He is slapping, punching, and biting me as he gets me naked and once I am, he pulls back for a moment to rid himself of his clothing and without a real thought, I once again try to scramble away but I don’t even get off the bed before he’s on me again. “You will regret that.” He shouts in my ear. Ethan then spins me onto my stomach and slams into me, sans preparation or condom. I scream out in pain and he howls in pleasure as he pounds into me hard and deep. I feel myself tear more and more with every thrust and my eyesight quickly becomes dark around the edges. I know I’m losing consciousness and my last thought before the darkness overtakes me is, ‘I’m so sorry Brian.’