A/N: Set at the end of 2.19, before Brian tells Justin to go and take his shower.


I can smell him, this other guy Mikey just had to tell me about. He may have used the ever popular "What if?" phrases, but he obviously wanted me to know something, wanted to make me acknowledge what I'd already suspected. The way he almost jumped out of his skin when I joined him in the shower was a dead give-away. Oh, yes. My little blond twink is seeing someone else, and from the looks of it, it's not just a trick. It's someone who gives him all the romantic bullshit he wanted me to... Fuck it! I don't fucking need him. I don't need anyone. I catch his gaze, and go for the kill, "Go take your shower. You stink!" There you have it, Sunshine! The truth is out in the open. I fucking know!

And that's when I make the mistake of turning back to look at him, at this little piece of shit who got through my defences and made me realise that I still had a fucking heart after all. He's sitting up, and I think he's about to start crying like the pathetic little faggot that he is. But why can't I feel disgusted by that thought? Why do all those feelings of anger and frustration disappear into thin air and I want nothing more but to stop him from doing this. This is what he wants, right? Right. I have no fucking right to stop him... The fuck I don't! He's my <i>partner</i>! So he wasn't here to hear me say it, but that doesn't matter. He managed to get me this far, and now he's leaving for greener pastures? I don't think so.

The rage is back, or should I say "Rage is back"? Yes, Rage is back and he won't let JT walk out on him just like that. He'll at least know that I tried to show him what I can't tell him. Not with romantic shit like flowers and picnics, but with other things like a computer or the money for his education. Or a trip to Vermont I had to cancel because of Gardner Fucking Vance! He's slowly ascending the steps, his whole frame shaking silently, and that does it. "Justin!" He stops, but doesn't turn. Yeah, I could see his tears and that would be like so fucked because I've never seen him cry before. "All this romantic bullshit he's feeding you with ... don't tell me it's what you really want. I thought you were smarter than that." Okay, if he doesn't respond to that, then...

"At least I don't have to wonder if he cares about me when I'm with him..." He turns, and the tears are running down his cheeks freely, but he doesn't seem to realise. "He tells me that he loves me. And with you I don't even know if I'm just a trick you keep around, or if you give a shit about me. I mean, if you really cared, you wouldn't have given me a fucking hustler for my birthday. You would have come after me when I went to Vermont. Shit, you'd have visited me when I was at the fucking hospital!" And here I thought he was over this whole bashing-shit. Fuck! "But you didn't! And Ethan ... he doesn't only tell me that he loves me, he's also saying that he doesn't want anyone but me..."

"Oh, so he's promising to be monogamous, yes?" I push my tongue into my cheek, "And you believe that? Then you really are crazier than I would have thought!" I don't know why, but I'm fuming again.

"Of course! Just because you don't want monogamy, no one else is allowed to have it. That's totally fucked, even for you! I know that I'll never be enough for the great Brian Kinney. I mean, I'm just the pathetic little twink he took in after he got bashed. I'm surprised that you didn't kick me out after I was better. But you had to pull this whole ‘I want to come home to you' bullshit, and I fell for it! I told myself that it meant that you cared. But you don't, do you? You never cared about anyone but yourself. And maybe Mikey and Debbie and Vic. But not me. Never me!"

He's storming off and I'm catching up with him just as he is about to enter the bathroom. "I can't believe that she never told you! I was there, alright?! Every goddamn night I was watching you sleep. I was living on coffee and energy bars..." Why the fuck am I telling him this? "And I never lied to you, you should know that! So when I said that when I'm coming home I'll be doing exactly what I want to be doing, that was the truth as well." I think I've to calm down here, because this anger seems to release some locks and there's stuff spilling from my lips I never thought I'd tell anyone, least of all him! Fuck!

"You were there? You mean at the... Why didn't you tell me?!" His eyes are burning holes into me, I can feel it.

So I just snap back. "What good would it have done, huh?"

"Fuck you, Brian! Just fuck you! It would have made a hell of a lot of a difference! But naturally you don't understand that. That's just so typical..." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "You know how I hoped that you would come? Every fucking day? I knew that you were there the first three days, but I thought that was only because you felt responsible for the whole thing. And you weren't... I never blamed you even for a second. Shit!" Shit indeed. "You might not like to hear it, but I love you. So no, I don't really want the bullshit he's feeding me with. I want to be with you. But I can't go on like this..."

I want to ask "Like what?" but that would be real stupid. He's talking about coming home from Vermont to find me fucking in <i>our</i> bed. He's talking about me letting him stand at the bar at Babylon while I head into the backroom with my newest <i>trick de jour</i>. I know he'd love to hear the words, but he's not asking for that. All he wants is some sign that he's more to me than <i>the trick who never left</i>. It's time to swallow down my fucking pride along with all my fears and doubts for once. Because he's too fucking close to leaving me, and that thought scares me more than it should. I'm so fucked!

Maybe this was Mikey's intent. Maybe he wanted me to fucking fight for Justin. After all, it's been ages since he tried to get rid of my blond twink. Shit. "Okay then... You can't go on like this? Fine. We're getting rid of those fucking rules right here and right now." He's dropping his gaze and I know he feels shitty because it was he who broke them. "And we won't replace them. And there's another thing that has to go. That Ethan-guy you've been seeing." And that's all I'll ever say about that. I'm not going to tell him that I'm fucking jealous, oh no.

But he seems to know, and whispers, "I'm sorry..." And I'm surprising the both of us when I don't tell him that sorry's bullshit. Because this time it isn't.

"And lastly... This is <i>our</i> home, okay? So I won't bring anyone back here anymore. And when you're with me, that's it. You're with me, and no one else." His smile lights the room, because he's heard me. Finally, he's heard me. Heard the words loud and clear, words I might be able to say to him one of these days. Who's to know? "Now, I believe you were going to take a shower... Mind if I join you?" Minutes later, we stand under the spray, and that smell is disappearing, making room for <i>our</i> smell, the scent that I will forever connect with Justin, with my partner. My fucking <i>partner</i>!