Ethan hadn't been very happy when I told him I had to run over to the loft one more time. But there was no way around it. I needed the prints – else my professor would kill me tomorrow. I'd simply drop in, get my stuff and leave again. That, at least, was the plan. Of course, I hadn't expected to find Brian at the loft, least of all drunk beyond reason and clutching that drawing of Rage to him as if it was a fucking treasure. Seeing him like that got me thinking. Maybe I had been a little ... well ... hasty when walking out on him last night... And then he crashed on the steps, and I was so glad, so fucking glad, to see that his nose was only bleeding like mad, but wasn't broken. He looked at me, and there was so much pain in his gaze... "Why don't you just get what you came here for and then return to your lover's arms? He must be mad with worry already." Oh shit! 'Perfect, Taylor. Just perfect!' Everyone was always going on about how Brian would hurt me in the end, how it was just a question of time. Only problem is that it was me who pushed the dagger in real deep, twisting it around for good measure... How could I have done that without even realising it? Without noticing that the shit I thought I wanted was so much less than what he gave me... I had to kiss him then, had to let him know that I had finally regained my eyesight. And as I was cleaning his face, I knew there was no way in heaven or hell that I'd leave him again. I helped him up and onto the bed, and the moment he dropped down, his hand grabbed mine, and he was lacing our fingers, and that was that. Before I knew it, I was lying in his arms, just like two nights ago, and I think I'd have fallen over if I hadn't been lying already. Is that what an epiphany is supposed to feel like? Cause that was when I finally realised it: he hadn't been telling me to stay, at least not with words. But the way he held me that night... I think I fell asleep at some point because it's definitely morning now, and as I turn my head, my eyes lock with his almost immediately, and he's so confused and vulnerable that it takes my breath away. I know what he's thinking. That I only stayed because I felt obliged to. Which is complete bullshit! Well, at least he hasn't tried to kick me out yet. And before he can, I'm going to... "How's your head?" He glares. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have been drinking so much then..." "Smartass!" Why thank you, Mr Kinney. "It's already late so... You want a lift to P.I.F.A.?" Oh shit! I notice only then that he's already showered and dressed in one of his beloved Armani suits. I nod and quickly get up. About twenty minutes later, we're sitting in the Jeep and I know that this is my one chance to make this work... "Brian... What I said last night, I meant it." He's gazing straight ahead, but I can see his hands gripping the steering wheel tighter. "I shouldn't have left you the way I did. Fuck, I shouldn't have left you at all! I'm sorry..." "Sorry's bullshit! Besides, what would your boyfriend say to this? You singing me stupid love songs?" Shit! Ethan! I completely forgot about him. Which only goes to show that I made a huge mistake by leaving Brian... And anyway, I think Ethan knew it all along. Knew that if Brian gave me just the smallest sign, well, there wouldn't be a choice. Not really. Cause I'd always choose him. Ethan never stood a chance. "Well, I was hoping that my boyfriend would be happy about it. Or at least that he'd stop making such a fuss..." He's giving me one of his patented You're-fucking-nuts looks, and I can only smirk. "Seriously, Brian. After last night, you can't go on pretending that you don't want me in your life, or are you trying to tell me that you just felt like getting pissed for no particular reason?!" I know he'd love to tell me to fuck off, and that last night meant shit. But if there's one thing I could always count on, it was that he would never ever lie to me. That was my prerogative. 'And that was really a smart move, Taylor.' He doesn't respond at first, and it's only when he pulls up outside P.I.F.A. that he turns to me and says, "You've to go shopping before you come home tonight. We're out of guava juice..." Then he kisses me, and while I know that there are a lot of issues we have to fucking talk about, we're on track again. And that is also what I tell Ethan later on when he shows up at the diner with my stuff. He'd guessed what happened when I didn't return last night, and while he was hurt – and still is – he managed to smile at me when I told him the news. "So it's back to Mr Kinney, yes? Well, good luck, Justin. I hope he'll be able to give you what you need. But if your smile is anything to go by, he already is." I was just about to leave when Mikey came over to grab some lemon bars and to tell me in no uncertain terms that if I fucked up again... Well, I won't. And I can't believe that Brian actually told him that we're still in our very much unconventional relationship. I think I'm grinning like a madman all the way from the diner to the supermarket and back to the loft. And yes, I got him his guava juice. I'm not going to start our new life together with a fucking argument. I'm not that suicidal...
FIN.