A/N: This chapter takes place about three months after the last one. Brian and Justin already went on their trip to Vermont, and are now facing the trial. Oh, and please don't hit me for ... well, you'll see. The next chapter will start where this one ends, and you'll get to know Brian's thoughts on ... something. Cryptic enough? Good. Brian Today was the first day of the fucking trial. And I can't believe that Ian really tries to pull the whole accident-crap. Yeah, right. He sat there all day, seemingly disinterested in everything that went on around him. Fucker! He pleads guilty of armed assault, and that's it. Justin was so pissed I thought he would go over to the fiddle fuck and punch him. The D.A. told us not to worry. But fuck, how can I not worry if the man in the judge's chair is none other than that asshole who let Hobbs get off with fucking community service. I'm seriously considering another trip back to my chemistry club days. Dr O'Reilly gave his statement after Carl Horvath, affirming how severe my injuries had been, and how close a call it had been. I reached for Justin's hand at that, twining our fingers. And I think they remained locked like that for the entire day. I just hope the fiddler saw. Well, I'm sure he noticed the kiss I bestowed upon my husband once the session had been ended for the day. He didn't look too happy about that. Well, screw him. And screw the fucking judge. 'Think positive, Kinney.' Yeah, easy for you to say. When we get home after a short trip to the diner – Debbie was furious – Justin goes to the bathroom to grab a shower. He says that he has to wash the grime off. Yes, that's what being in Ian's proximity does to him. Of course, I have to follow him before he can start on another guilt-fest. That would be so fucked. Besides, we have enough to worry about as it is. Mel and Linz threw a little party two weeks ago to celebrate Mel getting through her first trimester. I think there was something about her mom losing a child, and she had been afraid of the same happening to her. Linz told me that Justin's threat was really working. Mel had cut back on work, even though there was this landmark case she had wanted to work on. Well, she was right to heed Justin's words cause I saw Molly in action. Her birthday is coming around fast, and whenever we meet her now she's going, "What are you going to get me? Huh?" Like we'll get her anything but a trip to a nice camp. I was all for a military academy, but Justin overruled me and opted for one of those silly pathfinder things. She'll be off in October, it's all already planned and set up with Jen. Can't it be October already?! Anyway, there would have been bloodshed if Justin had set the Mollusc on Mel. Fuck, now there's a thought. Maybe, if we were really lucky, they could kill each other off... But that's not an option. Cause no harm shall befall the lovechild of Melanie Marcus and Justin Taylor. Gods, the mind reels. Justin's so excited, and I think he managed to infect me with it. Especially now that we know we are going to be the baby's guardians. It'll still be hard for Justin to sign over his parental rights to Linz, but not nearly as bad as it was for me. Yes, it was hard, and it really hurt to give up my rights. But I did it for Linz, solely for Linz, because she was miserable without Mel. And Gil was a fucker. Justin is already in the shower, standing right under the spray. His back is turned to me, and he's fucking shaking. Shit. I undress as fast as humanly possible and join him. I have to force him around, and I see what I guessed already. His eyes are bloodshot, and he's fucking crying. I sigh. "Justin, stop it, okay? It wasn't your fault, no matter what he says. If I could turn back time, I would want for everything to happen the same way again. Because otherwise you wouldn't be here right now." Fuck, I can't tell him, I just... But I have to. "You ... you saved me. If it hadn't been for you, I might be dead now. I was on a path to self-destruction when I met you. And had I lost you..." I draw a deep breath, "I need you with me." His big blue eyes are still welling, but now there's no misery in them anymore. They are shining with joy and love. And fuck, I no longer care if I'm a fucking dyke. All I care about is having him here, in our home. Loving me... On Friday, he has to give his statement, and the fiddler's lawyer is trying to make him out to be a fucking cheat, who promised Ian anything and everything only to leave him again when chance came. Well, the D.A. makes sure the jury realises the truth. He just asked Justin to recount what happened in April, and I can see how Jus reaches for his bracelet like it could lend him strength. "I have met Mr Gold..." Oh, the fiddler is boiling. Nice going, Sunshine. "I met him after a concert at P.I.F.A., and I really liked him. He was so sweet and romantic – everything Brian, I mean, Mr Kinney wasn't at that point. Only, he was, I just couldn't see it. Anyway, Mr Gold and I became closer, and began sleeping together." He shudders at the memory, and I so want to go over and hug him. "We made plans – I wanted to leave Brian for him. And I did – for one night. But a friend made me see what a huge mistake I was making... So I called Ethan, trying to make him understand that I never meant to hurt him, and that I was sorry if I had, but that I couldn't be with him because I was still in love with Brian." He smiles at me, and for a moment everything fades away. "Ethan didn't understand. I tried, again and again, but things only got worse. And they built up to..." He's shaking, and the D.A. comes to his rescue, "They built up to Mr Gold's actions on April, the twentieth?" Justin nods, fighting back his tears. The D.A. turns to face the defendant's table. "Mr Taylor... Would you say that you provoked Mr Gold in any way on the night of the shooting?" Shit, no. Justin was all nice. It was me who couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Did you give him any reason to feel threatened by you so he had to defend himself, using an unlicensed gun?" Oh, that was good. I really like this guy. Justin shakes his head, "As I stated before, all I did was tell Ethan that I wouldn't come with him, that I would go home with Brian. That I loved Brian." I hope the jury and the fucking judge see the rage and anger in the fiddler's eyes right about now. "I didn't threaten him in any way. On the contrary, I tried to calm him down. But suddenly he held that gun in his hands, and I..." He swallows, "I couldn't find any trace of the man I met at that concert anymore. He was gone, replaced by a raving lunatic." It was clear that the fiddler's lawyer would object to that. But the jury still heard it, heard the fear in Justin's voice. When we leave the courtroom for the weekend, the D.A. intercepts us and tells me that my statement won't be until Wednesday since he wants to question Debbie, Michael, Ben and some other people first. Great. I just hope he'll be done with me before Friday, cause Friday is Gus' second birthday and the second anniversary of Justin's first time, our first time. I've already thought up something to honour the occasion. I'm going to take him to New York for the weekend – yes, I know I'm masochistic because there are tons of museums in the Big Apple. Well, screw that. I survived Paris, I'll survive N.Y.C. We are glad when the loft door slides shut behind us the following Thursday. I finished with my statement, and for some reason there won't be another session before next Tuesday. Mel said something about the judge and a family vacation, and I'm having a hard time picturing that asshole with a family. Then again, even I managed to built one around me. No matter how strange it is. We are just arguing about dinner – the little shit wants fucking pizza again, I'm in favour of Thai – when the phone rings. It's Kiki, and she / he / it – whatever – practically begs Justin to come over to the diner and do an emergency shift. And Justin, being the sweet little WASP he is, quickly changes and is out of the door before I can complain. Fuck! Then again, it's good he's gone because I've to reschedule. With no court sessions tomorrow and on Monday, we can extend our trip. So I call Cyn, and the airport, and then start packing. Thank God he'd allowed me to get him some proper bags before our little Vermont adventure. No more fucking backpacks, no sir. I smile as I remember our vacation. The hotel was simply stunning, and Justin convinced me to do some hiking tours. Little fucker. But his idea to go skinny dipping in a small secluded lake was stellar, I have to give him that. Once I'm done with the bags, I order my Thai, and a pizza for him – he'll have to warm it up again, but I don't think he'll complain too much – and then I sit down with some stuff Gardner asked me to have a look at. It's for the Deekins campaign, and I think Vance is as eager to make it a success as I am. I just hope my little wifey gets home, soon, so I can show him what we've got planned... --- Justin Holy fucking shit. What the fuck have I been thinking? This is exactly why I cut back on my diner shifts. The whole place is in an uproar, bursting with customers. Well, at least Mikey is there to keep me company for the few moments when I don't have to run around. The second issue of Rage is finished, and we just need to agree on the cover. Mikey wants to go for some rather boring picture, while I have my heart set on one of JT giving Rage a blowjob. Mikey thinks it's porn, and we'll get arrested for it. "Oh cut it out, Mikey. It's not porn. It's all about JT thawing up Rage's frozen heart..." He arches an eyebrow. "What?! It is. Besides, it's a gay comic, remember? So we should be a little daring..." He shakes his head, "You know, being with Brian has rubbed off on you, and I don't mean in a sexual way. But you know what? Fine. Have it your way." He's really agreeing to it? Wow. "But I'm telling you this – if we get arrested I'm going to say that you forced me to use this one, and that I wanted to go for quite another image." I smirk, and nod. "Alright then. Now give me one of those lemon bars before I change my mind." I do, and he's munching away happily. It's almost midnight, and fuck, I can't wait to get home to Brian. A group of young men, dressed in clubbing outfits, enters and sits in a booth across from the counter. They are talking about who they fucked that night, and I can only shake my head at them. Mikey gives me a big smile, because he knows what I'm thinking. We both are really lucky to have found ourselves some loving partners. Even though Brian would have a fit if he knew that I think of him as my loving partner. I'm just taking off my apron when I hear one of the guys, "You won't guess who I just blew at Babylon. Kinney! He's not gone after all. Maybe he grew tired of his blond twink," he looks at me, pointedly, "cause he came all over me like there was no tomorrow..." This is not happening! He didn't – he wouldn't do that to me, would he? I get my coat and bag, and am out of there, ignoring Mikey's call. Fuck you, Brian. And fuck me for being so stupid. I trusted him when he said he wanted us to be exclusive. Well, now I understand why he demanded we do a check-up last month. Another HIV test, and other stuff. He was sleeping around while we were doing it raw! Fuck you, Kinney! I'm not quite sure what hurts more – the fact that he's been tricking again, or the fact that he lied about it. I mean, had he told me, we would have found a way to handle it ... somehow. Because I know – no, I knew – that none of them meant anything to him. He wanted me, enough to commit to me. Well, that's in the past. I just wish he'd have picked a better time... Then again, he didn't choose to reveal anything to me, so it's just as well... I'm running all the way to the loft, and I have to admit that I'm surprised when I find him home – some home it is – pretending that he's been working ever since I left. It's just fitting. Tomorrow is Gus' birthday – it's been two years since I stood under that fucking street lamp. But it's no longer a reason for celebration. On the contrary. I'll be picking up the shards of my broken heart tomorrow. Rather, today. He looks up from his work when he hears me come in, and he has the guts to smile at me! "Happy Anniversary, Justin. I know, last year was a bit of a mess, but I hope we can do better this time around." How dare he?! I'm walking around the desk, and lean over it. And then there's no stopping me anymore, "How could you, Kinney! We are doing it raw! Have you been thinking about me for just one moment, or was your dick the only important thing to you? Huh? Was it good for you? Was he good? For how long has this been going on?" He looks startled. Yeah, fancy that. I figured it out. The little blond twink figured it out at last! "Why, Brian? Why didn't you tell me that I wasn't enough after all? I might have been able to understand it. But now..." I swallow and take a deep breath, "I still wouldn't know it if it hadn't been for your trick de jour boasting about you at the diner. You know what that felt like? Like a fucking slap in my face!" He looks – dead. Like I have killed him just now. And for a moment I begin to wonder... But no. I heard it with my own ears! He gets up, takes his coat, slides the door open. Then he turns to face me again, with those dead eyes of his, "I'm going out. Don't wait up for me." And he's gone. Well, good. I don't want him, don't need him! Fuck, who am I kidding here. My eyes fall on the papers he'd been looking at, and I see all the notes he's made. And I realise... There's no way he could have been at Babylon tonight. He was working on councillor Deekins' campaign. Oh shit. I reach for my cell, punching his quick dial, but all I get is the mailbox. Then I see that Mikey tried to call me like five times, but I never even heard the phone ring. Because I was too busy making a complete fool of myself. I'm sinking down on the sofa, and stare at the cowry-shell bracelet. How could I do that? To him – to us? Why didn't I trust him? Being with Brian Kinney used to be something like a rite of passage, so that fucker was probably – surely – just trying to be cool in front of his pals. Or maybe he had been out to get Brian for ages, but never got his chance, because I was there. I'm not sure for how long I've been sitting there when my cell rings. "Brian?" "No, Justin. It's me, Michael. You know, I shouldn't even talk to you after what you did. I can't believe that you trusted the shit that guy was saying for just one second. And that you actually called Brian a traitor – in a manner of speaking. How could you do that? I thought you loved him." He pauses for a moment, and when he goes on, his voice is soft, "But that's the thing, isn't it? You love him and that's why it hurt so much. But you should have trusted." Fuck, I know that, Mikey. "Well, lucky for you I'm still around to fix things – again. He came here about ten minutes ago, and all I could get out of him was that you don't believe in him, and that you'll probably be gone when he gets back to the loft. Fuck, Justin. I've never seen him like this. Not even that night at the hospital. It's as if he's..." "Dead." And I want to rip my own head off for being so fucking stupid. "I'm coming over, okay? Don't let him run off. I'm going to ... try and make amends." Because it's all I can do. I know I fucked up royally, that I would deserve it if he never wanted to speak to me again. "Just... Tell him that I'm sorry, and that I love him, and that..." I'm already on my way to the door, and grab my keys. "That I'll be there in ten..." "Why don't you tell him yourself when you get here?" I will, I will. I only hope that he'll listen. I switch off the phone, and it takes me about eight minutes – speed limits be damned – to get to Mikey's apartment. Ben is waiting downstairs, and I realise that things are really bad. And then I'm knocking on the door, and Mikey is there, hugging me. "Come in. We'll go to a motel for the night, okay? Just ... talk things over. And if you have sex, I don't want to hear about it." He smiles at that, but I just feel sick. I give him the keys to the Sharan, cause that's the least I can do. Then they are gone, and Brian and I are alone. He's sitting on the sofa, his head hanging forward, shoulders slumped. "Brian..." Does he even realise I'm here? "Brian, I'm ... I'm so sorry. I didn't think. There was that guy at the diner, and he was bragging about how he went down on you at Babylon and... I just ... I couldn't think straight. It just hurt so much, and I didn't listen to my rational mind for even one moment. I think it was practically screaming that you would never do something like that, but I just..." I'm kneeling down by his side, taking his hands in mine. "Brian, please..." He raises his head slowly, his eyes locking with mine, and there's so much pain in them that it takes my breath away. "I guess I should have seen this coming." He laughs, and it's cutting through my heart, "I mean, a man with my past... Can't be trusted, can he? That doubt was still there, wasn't it? Even after I told you that I loved you, even after I signed those papers... It still wasn't enough. And you know why that is? Huh? Because my old man was right after all. I don't deserve this. I've lived a dream for about five months, Justin. I think I should thank you for reminding me of my place in the great scheme of things..." He tries to pull back his hands, but I won't let him. "That's not true, and you know it. I think..." Shit, I will not cry. I will not act like I'm the victim here. "After all the shit with Ethan, and the trial, I just... I was wondering when you'd realise that you don't really want this after all. That you don't want me, because the cost is too high. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop." And, fuck. I never even knew all this. But I still know that it's the truth. "And when that guy... I thought that was it. Pretty stupid of me, don't you think?" I try to laugh, but it comes out as a choking noise. "Deep down I knew that you would never do something like that, not after we've been doing it raw. And even before that, you would have told me. Because you love me, because you trust me. Just like I love and trust you." "Don't," it's hardly more than a whisper, but I still hear him, still feel the word pierce my heart like a knife. "Justin, I'm not good for you. I know we both thought differently, but we were deluding..." That's it. I won't allow him to beat himself up for something I did. So I cut him off in the most effective way possible. I can feel him tremble under my lips, and for a second he even returns the kiss before he breaks away. "Don't, Justin. Don't make it harder..." He tries to push me away once more, but I'm having none of that. "No, you don't! Don't throw everything we have away because I made a fucking mistake – again. Besides," I smile, because I know that I've got him where I want him, "you know you stand no chance once I've set my mind on something." I reach up to caress his cheek. "I'll never be this stupid again. I think I remember that guy..." Oh Jesus, Maria, and Joseph, why didn't I think of that before. I want to slap myself, real hard. "Fuck, I do remember that guy. It was the one who made a pass last weekend at Babylon, the one you turned down by devouring me right there on the dance floor." Shit, shit, shit! So it wasn't a rite of passage thing. It was an 'I'm a stupid bastard, and I can't take rejection' thing. I'm wondering if he's somehow related to Ethan. I can almost hear the wheels turning inside Brian's head until his eyes light up with recollection. "You thought I would have let him go down on me?! Really! I don't know if I should be offended or just..." He turns his head to kiss the palm of my hand. "You won't give up, will you?" I grin and shake my head. "And you will never, never do this again – at least not the way you did tonight. You should at least give me the chance to defend myself, you know?" What can I say, I was blinded by the green demon. "I would never risk your health like that, don't you know? I need you around..." The next thing he says tells me that he really forgives me, even though he doesn't believe in the concept. "After all, I have you trained so well, and no one gives head like you do." I smirk and let my hand move over the long planes of his chest until it comes to rest on that bulge nestled in his pants. "Well, get on with it, Taylor. I believe someone said I got a blowjob at Babylon tonight, and I can't remember any of it, so... Besides, didn't Mikey practically ask us to make out in his lovely flat?" I move to do as he asks, but before I can get his jeans open, he stops me. "You have to trust me, Justin. For this to work, we have to trust each other. You know that I'm new to all this shit, but I'm really trying here. I ... I don't want to lose you. But if you can't trust me..." He looks at me intently, waiting for my response, and all I can do is smile at him. "Justin... I mean it. We would only keep on hurting each other and ourselves if..." "I do trust you, Brian. I was just... I guess I had one of those 'silly teenager' moments. Act before you think and all that. I guess it was because I was so sure about us, and then suddenly... I didn't think. I only realised what I had done when it was too late, when you were gone. But you know what? I was sure that you wouldn't head to Babylon or Woody's. That's what the old Brian would have done. But you aren't him anymore. You are loving and kind and wonderful and..." And he punches me. "Ouch!" He rolls his eyes. "What I wanted to say before you had your macho-moment is that you've changed, we've changed. And even though we both have relapses – like my outburst tonight – they don't weaken us, but make us stronger. Because we work through them together." He smiles, and the pain is all but gone from his eyes. "So... I believe I was about to do something involving," I stroke his cock through his pants, "this..." Before he can say anything, I free him from the confines of his jeans, and swallow him to the root. He makes those lovely keening noises, and I'm trying my best to make him forget about earlier, and just live in this moment, with me. It doesn't take long for him to fill my mouth and throat with his come, and he grins at me lazily. It's around one a.m. now, and he suddenly chuckles. "You know, we really should get going." I look at him – totally confused now, "Well, in case you have forgotten, it's my dearest son's birthday today, and our anniversary. So if we want to get to everything I have planned, I suggest we head home now, and have a little nap." He's got something planned? "Oh, don't give me that look. First thing in the morning, we go over to the Munchers and give Gus his presents. And then we are going to claim some of Mikey's time cause we'll need a lift to the airport..." He explains everything to me on the way back to the loft, and I feel so god-damn stupid again for doubting him for just one second. "Stop it, Sunshine. It's over now. Anyway, I understand why you were jealous. After all, I'm God's gift to mankind, and, what was that? Loving, kind, and wonderful? Yup, sounds about right..." Then he pushes his tongue into his cheek to drawl, "And to quote our dearest Mrs Novotny – the next time you do this, I'm gonna rip your balls off."