Notes: Characters: Mr. B. and The Gold (a challenger whom Mr. B. finds to be particularly pleasurable to follow) There are references to songs in this chapter: the songs exist. In case you want to know more about the songs the lyrics are at the end of the chapter. Edited by lucel Mr. B. hasn’t got the willpower to stay away from The Challenge, but maybe he should; this time he is in a great danger to lose even the last few shreds of his dignity. Will Mr. B. be capable of wiping the self-confident smile off of his mischievous challenger’s face? Challenges 7: Time of Golden Memories My last night at The Challenge made me think. Ted’s reaction to the result of his challenge opened my eyes to understanding that The Challenge could be more than just a place to have some fun. His stake in the game was much higher than I had imagined. What I had labeled as a disappointment was actually the frustration of a man who seldom has a chance to get his needs met. The place which had given me pleasurable nights of excitement was the only place he felt it possible to be his innermost self. I can only try to imagine how the man feels about the place. Gratitude? Loyalty? Need to protect the place? The need to get back in the game, I think, must be strong. What has The Challenge meant to me? Naturally it has been a place to unwind from the exhausting demands of everyday life, a place to relax and to recharge. But did I get something from a night in there that I couldn’t get anywhere else? The games we played in the challenges had given me the burst of energy that is part of winning. It felt good and helped me to relax deeply. It was like a very natural and safe drug induced high. There was also the child in me that enjoyed being let out to play. That too helped me to relax more completely. Of course, the sex games were not too bad for relaxation either. There were also the people I met there – possibly potential friends. But none of these things were in fact essential to satisfying my basic needs. Not in the way Ted was able to get what he needed from his visits. Was I somehow less than Ted that I couldn’t achieve more profound results from my visits? I felt a bit miffed. I wanted to go back, to find out if there was something in what I had done that I had missed so far. My next visit to The Challenge began like all of my previous visits, but soon I noticed a buzz I hadn’t sensed on any of my earlier visits. The choosing lounge was brimming with nervous energy as we waited for the challenges to start the night. “What is happening? The atmosphere feels different tonight.” I was sitting with Michael, the guy that had challenged me to the hologame, and a couple of other acquaintances. “There is a rumor going around that maybe the gold or the blue challenge will appear tonight, maybe even both.” Michael was still the same shy guy I had met earlier. “Do you know what the gold challenge is about? Is it a public one?” “The gold challenge is said to change from night to night. Sometimes it is played out in public, sometimes in private.” “I was chosen by the Gold once; it was about two years ago. The challenge was a tough one, but it was fun, too.” Andrew, one of the others at the table, had a reminiscent look on his face. “What happened, Andy, did you win or did you lose?” “What do you think? I would have told you already if I were one of the few that have won that damn challenge.” “Somebody won it?” “Yes, there are a few that claim to have won it. Is it true? I won’t speculate.” “So spill. How was it? Was he any good?” “Spectacular!” Andrew’s eyes got a peculiar glazed quality as his thoughts turned inwards and back in time. “What? Tell us more!” I guess Ian, the fourth member of our little get-together, was a bit greedy for sordid details. “Well, as I said, the challenge was tough. It was a public one, and all I’m going to tell you about it is that I never had a chance. It would have spared me quite an embarrassing failure if I had just given up as soon as I heard the challenge. He even told me it was a possibility. I did think too much of myself, though, to take that offer. And I enjoyed myself until I understood that my game was doomed to a disastrous end.” “Were you laughed at?” Ian dug for more. “Yeah. And the worst – or maybe the best, I don’t know – is that I had to laugh at myself, too. It’s uncanny what a man is willing to do when he believes he can end up winning.” “Did he hurt you?” Still Ian tried to ferret out more. “He didn’t hurt me; he didn’t do anything to me. It was the audience. But let it go, Ian. I’m not telling anything else about the challenge.” “But you could give some juicy details of your night with him. He was – how did you put it? Spectacular? Yes, spectacular. What was so spectacular about it, Andy?” Ian wasn’t about to give up the interrogation. “His techniques were something else. He did things to me that I hadn’t ever even heard about. He is completely unpredictable. Inventive, intuitive. He seemed to know what I was feeling better than I did myself. And he seemed to know me better than I did. I enjoyed things that I never thought I would.” “What things, Andy. What did he do?” Ian was practically out of his seat. “Use your imagination. If you don’t imagine me topping him, you can’t be too much off the mark.” “Andyyy!” That whine rang in my ears as I saw the doors open and let the challenges in. The rumor was correct, the Gold was leading the procession. A lithe man of average height, from where I sat he wasn’t as imposing a character as his reputation had made me believe. His delicious body was covered scantily in golden materials. He wore golden… sneakers. His legs were bare almost up to his groin. Nice strong legs, those, I really wouldn’t mind having those legs wrapped around my waist... uh, where was I? Mmm. Yes. Golden leather snug on the man’s hips and… oh, precious… the ample package. I so hoped that he would turn around, but he didn’t, to my deep regret. His upper body was dimly visible through his loosely fitting garment made of something gossamer-like, but golden of course. His head was covered with a hood so I couldn’t get a good look at his face. A spotlight created a shimmering halo around him. The tension in the lounge was tangible. It was unnaturally quiet; the gentle sounds the band was making were easy to hear. The quiet was occasionally disturbed by the screech of a chair leg against the floor as somebody moved a little, or by the little clicks glasses made as they were set down on tables. Every pair of eyes was drawn to the stage and to the golden vision there. The challenges made the usual cruise around the room, all except the Gold. He stood alone on the stage, a quiet presence nobody seemed to be able to forget. He had chosen in advance, that was obvious. Finally the slow minutes of cruising were over, and the challenges returned to the stage. The music stopped. In the quiet only one figure moved, the golden challenger. He stepped to the front of the stage, the spotlight behind him turning him into a silhouette. He took his time. “Beam. Would you follow me, please.” The choice was announced. Everybody was turning to look at the chosen one. I was turning to look at the chosen one, too, until what the sound waves brought to my ears penetrated my brain. Me? Ouch. Was I a lucky bastard, or what? I rose from my chair slowly. That was almost too much for my shaky legs. I glanced at the doors, looking for escape. Maybe if I started to run and never stopped, I could get away? In front of all those guys? I really could not show my fear like that. So I guess I was saved by my pride from humiliating myself in front of my peers, but I also found myself in the clutches of the Gold by that same pride. As I approached the man, he turned towards the doors where he had entered the lounge a moment earlier. He still didn’t let me see his face. I followed the man out of the choosing lounge to my unknown fate. At least I had his rear end to entertain me as I followed him. His butt was of the highest quality, a perfect bubble!
****************************************************
“Make yourself comfortable, Beam. I’m going to change to a more appropriate outfit for my challenge.” “Thanks.” I looked at the receding back of the Gold. I was getting annoyed with the little sonofabitch. We had strolled through the maze of corridors and were at last in his room, and even now I wasn’t allowed a glimpse of his face. He also hadn’t said a word as we walked. What was this stupid game? I took advantage of his bar as I waited. Do I need to tell what I poured in a glass? The place was more than just a bedroom, actually. It was more like a suite. I was in a spacious sitting room, and another room was supposedly behind the door the gold had vanished through. There was another door from the sitting room, too, but I could see only darkness there. I drifted in that direction trying to figure out more about my host of the night. I poked my head in the darkness. Why is it hard to step over the threshold of a dark space? I must have been a sight stretching out like that, feet in one room, head in another. It was dark there, but I could make out the general dimensions of the space. The place was even larger than the sitting room. The shadows hid something, but I couldn’t guess what it was without stepping further into the room. I didn’t feel comfortable to doing that. Was I welcome to explore the secrets there? Did I want to find out, all things considered? I retraced my steps back to the bar with my glass that had somehow lost its contents. It’s uncanny how many glasses are manufactured that have the same flaw. There has to be a place somewhere receiving all the disappearing liquor, don’t you think. “Would you pour a dram for me, too, please?” “Dram?” So my host was back at last. It was my turn to keep a man staring at a back. I know, lame for a payback. My pride, you know. I concentrated on my task and let him babble. “A small amount of an alcoholic drink, especially whisky. The expression is Scottish. It’s a beverage from Scotland originally, if you believe the Scots and not the Irish that have their own story.” I turned around to hand him his glass and almost sloshed the contents in his face when I saw him. “J! What the hell are you doing here?” “Why, Beam! So hostile. Not one little whit glad to see me? And I’ve made such an effort to make you enjoy yourself while with us. Oh, Beam, I’m deeply hurt, you’re ripping my heartstrings!” Can you believe it? The imp was back! During my visits as a guest of the house I had met J several times and let my guard down. He had always been a polite and considerate host. I really had forgotten what it was like to play the part of the dartboard. The imp, as I should have kept in mind, was too good in putting his stinging barbs right on target. I was nervous enough because of the challenge. I didn’t need his ridicule on top of it, not right there and then. I slammed the fences back up. “Oh, J, cut it out. I’m just surprised. You’ve never before shown up like this.” “Well, I’ve never challenged you before.” “-----“ Yes, I wasn’t capable of a sound at that point. “But…” Not much better. “You…” I was beginning to become concerned. Had I suffered an injury on the left side of my head? I couldn't remember, but then, if I was brain-damaged, would I remember the injury? And, if I didn’t remember the injury, why would I remember that an injury on the left side of your head can be related to difficulty in producing speech? “Your name…” Aaah, two words, a tremendous improvement! “Yes, my name…?” The imp was so helpful. “J, the Gold, the guys say that his name is… oh, shit. J… Jay. Just a matter of perception. I brought this joke on myself, didn’t I, Jay?” “You left that side open.” Damn him. You see what he did to me? It’s his fault if I become addicted to alcohol; again I stared in a glass that had mysteriously become empty in my hand! “But, why? I thought the Gold was one of your employees. You’re… what are you? The host? Why are you doing this?” “You mean am I required to do this? No, Beam, I do this of my own free will. Why not? I have a chance to fuck a desirable man like you, nothing wrong in that picture from my point of view.” Jay offered me a bottle of Beam. “You don’t do this often.” I took the bottle and filled my glass. I didn’t give the bottle back to him, I had a suspicion I would need it again. “No, I have nine good reasons not to.” Jay’s eyes danced as I tucked the bottle under my arm. “Nine?” The full glass in one hand and the bottle in easy reach: I felt secure. A little. “You might, one of these days, come into a close contact with my nine reasons.” His giggle didn’t bother me as I sipped my drink. “But tonight those reasons didn’t hold you back? Let’s get down to business. Let me hear your challenge already.” “O-kay. You will see five photos, each of them for 10 seconds. You need to remember the items in the pictures. How is your memory? In my challenge good memory is an advantage. We will go to a club where the pictures were taken earlier this evening. To win the challenge, you need to find more of the items than I.” “That doesn’t sound too bad. Not hard enough for your reputation. What are you not telling me?” “Well, there are some minor details…” He told me. The man had photographic memory, and the other little detail… I wanted to bang my head against the wall, but it was too far away. The floor was closer at hand. “You could just yield, you know.” I considered it. I really did. I remembered Andrew’s story. “No. You’re not going to get me without a fight.” “Good. I wouldn’t have wanted to get you without one.” “Don’t be so sure it’s you that is getting me. It could be me getting you.” “We’ll see.”
****************************************************
We flew with two judges to the club and were led to a small private room. I studied the pictures Jay had told me about and then the game started. Jay and I stepped on a little stage in a crowded parlor. It might have been a nice place, but I wouldn’t know. I was way too nervous to pay attention to the interior design of the place. We were introduced to the audience, and they were told what was about to happen. Time to start. First, right there on the stage, we were to strip down to our underwear. I’m not a modest man. I’ve been naked, and nearly so, in countless of backrooms around the world, and I have enjoyed admiring and lusting eyes on me, but this was different. I had never before made a show of myself. I knew about striptease, but I had never actually experienced a show. As an art form striptease had disappeared in the 21st century when shielding technology evolved. It became possible to mold the shields in any desired form and give them any desired characteristics. They could look anyway they were programmed to look, and they could also be any combination of other characteristics such as insulating for warmth and against rain. Shield garments seriously competed with more traditional garments made of fabrics and became very popular. That posed a problem for striptease dancers: shields can’t be taken off, only turned off. In addition to this technical problem, there was a cultural one. During the 20th century, sexual taboos had been toppled one after another. The taboo against letting certain body parts be seen through flimsy garment material was one of the first to fall. Also there were no requirements to cover certain body parts at all. Striptease lost it’s allure, and by the end of the 21st century, it had vanished. But here I was doing just that on a stage in a private club. Jay provided me with an outfit of strippable clothes and just told me to “get rid of them”. Some advice. There was music playing, and I knew it was traditional to dance while stripping, but that was just too much! This audience was not going to see me try that! At least I do use traditional clothing from time to time, so I thought I would be able to shed them quickly. First I stripped off my shirt, then undid the fly of the pants and let them drop. Right there I started to understand what Andrew had gone through, why he said he should have spared himself the embarrassing event. I had my pants around my ankles but couldn’t get rid of them. I still had my shoes on. I did my best to hide my embarrassment by kicking off the offending shoes followed by the pants. Just to find myself standing on the stage clad in a skimpy black thong Jay had provided for the occasion – and a pair of socks, bright red I might add, if you didn’t guess it already. I’m sure Jay knew that I would end up like that and had chosen the color with that in mind. He just couldn’t resist making me a “butt” of his joke, I’m sure of that. I bent over to remove the socks, and the crowd broke in catcalls. What else? My ass isn’t half bad after all. That stopped the laughter, too. Jay seemed to be in no hurry to strip off his clothes. In the time it had taken me to shed mine, he hadn’t gotten rid of one item yet. Only when I was done did he start. He strutted to the middle of the stage and began to dance. Every pair of eyes was riveted on him from that moment on, mine included. I have to say that I’m pissed with past generations for letting the art form disappear: if it was anything like what I saw Jay doing, it was a loss indeed. I still get hard just remembering… Can you imagine somebody seducing me by removing a pair of socks? Jay did. He took off his shirt first. Nothing too interesting happened to my blood pressure at that stage. All the lights in the room were turned off except for just one spotlight. I don’t know what he had spread on his skin and hair, but he was sparkling golden in the spotlight. The only thing more dazzling was his smile. Next he kicked off his shoes – not about to repeat my mistake, the imp. My dick stayed nicely in my control, twitching though it was. His golden socks sparkled in competition with the exposed parts of his body. The contrast with his black pants was striking. Nimbly Jay laid himself down on the floor, lying on his back. Then he lifted his knees and let his back arch. He was like a lazy cat. After he had stretched for a while, he started to caress his one foot with the other at the same time removing the socks. I wanted those sparkling feet on my body, I wanted my teeth on those damned socks. Is that my fetish? Socks? After an eternity of torture for my poor cock, he finally had only the thong left, and his was a golden one, by the way. We were ready to start with the actual game; the strip tease had just been for the pleasure of the patrons of the club. The hunt for the five missing items that I had seen in the pictures was the meaningful part of the event as far as the competition was concerned. The lights were turned on again, and the hunt begun. The items were waiting for us among the audience, so into the crowd I had to go. The items were five different garment shaped shield programs worn by five different men. I had to find the five shields and have the men copy the programs into the programmable shield generator I had in my thong. As proof that I really had found the programs, each man would give me a little golden cube. Jay’s targets would give him little golden orbs. To make the quest even harder, I wasn’t allowed just to ask through the room if a man had one of the cubes. No. I was only supposed to ask that particular question five times. If I asked if a man had one of the shields and the answer was “no,” I lost the opportunity to find one of the shields. There was no defined order to acquiring the five shields, but there was time limit of thirty minutes. I went meticulously from one table to another, and a silent judge tallied my actions. Not one of the required shields was for a garment above the waist; they were a pants shield, two shields for socks, and two shields for shoes. I asked the men to stand up and show me the soles of their shoes, the heels of their socks, and the seat of their pants. Nice pictures Jay had gotten for me. It took some time to be fairly certain of the first item. Still, I hesitated a bit before gathering my courage to ask if the man had a cube. He had one, thanks to the powers above. I was still in the game. Then came the fun part. The generator in my thong was situated right on top of my cock. The guy seemed to enjoy his task quite a bit. I can’t say I hated his sure hold on my cock either. On the other hand I’m sure he would have copied the shield for his right shoe in sooner if the generator had been somewhere else. I also succeeded with the shield for a left shoe and for a left sock, but for the pants and the other sock, there was more than one possibility. My picture of the pair of the pants showed a rainbow colored figure on a black background. This turned out to be located on a black pocket sewn onto pink pants, but it was also located on another pair of pants which were all black. There was no way to be sure which pair to choose. It was Jay’s challenge. The imp’s. Black pants or pink pants? I was sure I had the right answer. “Do you have a cube, man?” I asked the man wearing the pink pants. “Here, pal. How did you know? That other fellow has exactly the same picture on his pants.” How did I know? I was sure the imp wanted to see me in pink pants! And if you ever tell anybody that I once wore something in such bad taste I’ll… I don’t know, but it’ll be bad. The man made the copy, and I was left with the one last problem to solve. The picture of the right sock heel had a little white spot in the middle of a deep blue background. I couldn’t remember what the spot actually was. I found four men wearing socks that could have been the one I was trying to find. The first candidate was a little pearl. The second was a little white flower. The third was a little clear stone. The fourth was a little white tassel. Any of those could be the correct sock. Twenty four minutes of the thirty had already gone by. It would take almost two minutes for the man to make the copy. I had no choice, I had to make my decision even if I had no idea how to make that decision. I dived off the cliff. “Do you have a cube, man?” I asked the man wearing the sock with a pearl and braced myself. I had asked my last question: it was my last chance. “Sorry, sweetie. I haven’t got one.” Oh, no! Oh, no. That was it. I felt my self falling, falling. No. No, no! “You’ve got four programs out of five, Mr. B. That’s a fine accomplishment. Maybe it’s enough.” The voice of the judge brought me back from where ever I had strayed. “We’ll see.” I was out of breath. I hadn’t moved or breathed since I heard the negative answer. I don’t know how well I succeeded in concealing my shock. I was pretty sure I had lost the challenge. It wasn’t a nice feeling. I was mad. It was so unfair. Jay’s superior memory, the humiliating stripping in front of the audience, the fuzzy picture. Unfair. To lose like this was exasperating. I wanted to walk out and not look back. “Where are we to meet Jay?” “On the stage. There is still the activating of the shields you both have found. The audience likes that part of the game. It’s funny to see what kind of an outfit it will be.” “I bet.” The judge led the way back to the stage. Jay was already waiting for us. As I regarded him I saw a man I had never seen before. The man had the same build, the same coloring, the same beautiful face, but he was a stranger. It was not Jay, the host of The Challenge. It was not the imp. It wasn’t even the seducer I had seen earlier on the stage of this club. Never before I had perceived him to be in control of me. He had had control over the situation I was in before, yes, but not over me. Since I saw him as representing The Challenge, control was not in his hands personally. I could keep my distance. Now control was his without anything between us. That made me see him very differently. I saw the steel in his eyes. I saw the power in his smile. I saw the determination in his posture. The challenge was yet to be resolved, but I had already lost. I had assumed the role of one defeated. I hadn’t quite reached the point of being submissive, but I was already preparing myself to accept that fate. We entertained the audience by activating the shields. Jay had found all five shields and was soon wearing a green sock and a striped one. In the foot with the green sock he had a bright red high-healed slipper and in another something I didn’t know the name for: a light shoe made from strong dark blue cotton on the top and white rubber on the bottom. I had never seen anything like that before. Jay called it a plimsoll. He told me later that he had asked the man to copy the program for the other shoe, too. I have no idea why, but he wore the shoes for the rest of that night. Anyway, with his nice collection of footwear he had pants that rode so low on his hips that some of his crack was visible. For some reason he seemed to turn his back to me repeatedly. Since I knew I was denied that delicious ass forever, I didn’t like him very much at that point. If I ever did. Since I had found all but one of the shields, I had on a mismatching set of shoes: a lime colored one and a purple one. The one sock I had found had a nice shade of blue that didn’t go well with either of the shoes. What? No, I’m not going to tell more about those pants. No! There was no doubt about the challenge, I did lose. We went back to the private room, and Jay and I put back on the garments we had worn for the strip-tease show.
****************************************************
We flew back to The Challenge. The judges talked quietly with Jay. I was left alone as I preferred at the moment. I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was going to bottom that night. It shouldn’t have been such a terror. I’m a fag. Bottoming is part of that. I enjoy a cock in my ass as much as any other fag, I just prefer to get my pleasure in the other way. I had bottomed before, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. But something was bothering me. Seriously. My ass had become a prize. I felt like some of my worth as a man was removed. I felt objectified. Did other men feel as I did when they lost the challenge? If they did, what made them come back for more? I knew I had to take my punishment: three weeks as an employee of the place, as Jay so tactfully had put it back when he first gave me the rules. But after that? I held it likely that those three weeks would be the last I would be seen in The Challenge. I could do nothing but try to endure the night in a way that would leave me as much of my dignity as possible. The fact that I had lost in Jay’s challenge didn’t augur well for that however. When we reached Jay’s rooms in the big building, he took me to the dark room I had seen earlier that evening. It was a spacey room as I had assumed. Most of the room was empty. In one corner, there was a big table of controls. For what purpose I had no idea. Jay went to the table and soon a shield for a king-sized bed appeared. He turned off all the lights but the one above the bed. “Have you ever slept in a bed with sheets made of cloth?” Jay closed the distance between us quickly and pulled me to the bed. “Cloth?” What a thing to ask? Why would I want to do something like that? “That was the way people slept back when the shields didn’t exist. I’ve tried that. This is much more convenient.” Jay sat on the bed and patted the mattress beside him. “How so? Jay, it can’t be so different. You just sleep.” I didn’t refuse his invitation to sit. “That’s ignorance speaking. Beam, what do you think happens to the cum your trick shoots in a bed with sheets of cloth?” Jay turned me to face him and put his hands on my shoulders. “Hmm. I’m beginning to see your point.” “It’s not recommended to sleep on cum wetted sheets. And it’s not just the cum, sweat gets on the sheets, too. In addition, the sheets don’t stay in place. You get tangled in them, and in the morning your skin is patterned by creases printed by wrinkled sheets, too.” As he spoke, Jay opened the buttons of my shirt and pushed it down off my shoulders. I didn’t resist. It felt rather nice, in fact. The feel of the cloth sliding on my skin was sensuous. So was the touch of his hands. “And why would you know these things, Jay? What on earth made you try fucking in a bed like that?” His hands were busy with the fastenings of my pants. “Shouldn’t a man try everything once?” Damn him! He had me wearing nothing but the black thong and red socks the second time that night. And he dared to smile. As I was lying on my back in front of him at the moment my glare might not have been at it’s most effective. “I don’t know. Should he?” He removed the socks and then without any hesitation the thong. His approving smile didn’t feel too bad. “Turn over.” I looked him in the eye. His gaze was steady and inspired confidence. I obeyed. “Don’t move.” I felt something cool being sprayed on me. “Let it dry.” After a moment I felt his hand on my back. “OK. Now turn on you back again.” Why not? “Keep your eyes and mouth closed while I spray the rest of you.” Better to obey such a command, isn’t it? “You can open your eyes now, it’s all dry.” I lifted my arm in front of my face. It was covered with glitter. Jay had shone golden during the strip-tease. My skin now shone with darker, bronze colored glitter. Not too bad. I let the hand drop and lifted my gaze to Jay. “I want you to jerk off for me.” I watched him a moment, trying to find something. I don’t know exactly what it was, but it wasn’t there. It reassured me. “Okay. I’ll do that. For you.” “Thanks. I’ll tell you when to begin.” He rose from the bed and vanished in the darkness of the room. “Jay! Where…” I started to ask why he had left, but the reason became obvious at the same time. From the darkness above the bed was lowered a set of equipment a holo-graphic artist would use. “Jay! What are you doing to me? Making me into a porn star? I don’t think that was the deal, Jay. Even if you only showed the holo at The Challenge. The exploitation was supposed to be over when the night is over!” “Beam, relax. You’re not going to become a porn star because of me. I will not even put this work in a show in any art gallery, if you object to it. It will be in my private collection. Not even my friends have access to any of that. Don’t worry.” “ Why would you want to make a piece of art about my jerking off is beyond me.” “Well, that’s the one thing my partner isn’t willing to do for me.” “You’ve a partner?” “Yes. Case closed.” There was the steel staring back at me. I didn’t ask anything else about his partner. The lights around the bed became to life. I was bathing in warm glow. The glitter on me multiplied the effect of the lights. “I’m all set. Beam, do you want music? I can add that to the piece, it would actually give a nice effect on it.” “I would like that, yes. Suggestions?” “How ’bout this?” An ancient and primitive sound of drums and electric guitar drifted to the room. Slow rhythm kept me on the cusp for ever. A male voice kissed every shivering neuron in my body. The lyrics echoed the loneliness I never admit to feeling. “It’s all right… Start it again, would you?” My hands were already busy. I let the drums help me find the animal inside. He was there, just beneath the skin, waiting. I let him come forth. I felt him flooding my body with primal lust. The guitar brought the caress of wind on my heated skin. The cool mattress beneath me, the little draft in the room, my own hands, all became a part of the feeling, the fantasy. The voice of the singer focused my chaotic cravings on a target. The words hurt me, leaving me vulnerable and needy. Here I am, in the dark I’ve been waiting here for you I’m all alone, I’m hurting Tell me what’s this boy to do Hold me now In your arms is where I belong Hold me now Take me by the hand and say you care Hold me now… I escaped the hurting and began to need to build up the tension. My heart rate was rising quickly. I felt myself starting to sweat. I had long since forgotten Jay and what he was doing. I was lost in my own world with no escape in sight, no escape wanted either. I was waiting, my patience was all gone. There’s so much I’d like to do I’ve had enough waiting here for you “Like a dog for the bone” I was like a dog for the bone… In my mindless hurry, I was closing in on my relief. I didn’t want to let go so soon. I waited on the edge for a minute, infinitely. I felt myself sliding back from there, back to something resembling control. This time I was more careful as I neared the border. I balanced on the nothing between two seconds, outside of the time. Then I plummeted into the maelstrom. I came back to the echoes of the last lyrics I remembered: Bad case of loving you… Doctor Doctor, gimme the news I got a Bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I got a Bad case of lovin' you The devices Jay used for his art had been lifted again, and I saw him standing beside the bed watching me. His expression was odd, there was not a trace of a smile in evidence. He didn’t seem disappointed or angry. If I had found any reason to believe so, I would have said he was afraid. “It’s you, Beam? It’s you, isn’t it?” Jay’s voice was barely audible. “What? Jay, are you all right?” My voice seemed to waken him from whatever it was he had mentally slid into. “Ah. Yes. Yes, I’m okay. And you? You seemed to let go of the reality for a while there.” I don’t know why it was so intense. Usually sex is just a way of finding release for me. I had no idea why I was drowning in my emotions like that. It was kind of embarrassing. “It was hot.” “Yeah, it was.” Finally I saw him coming back. The impish grin was there again. “Come.” Jay walked out of the room and took me to the bedroom. I found my bag there. Jay told me to dress up. He changed into a pair of jeans and a shirt, still using those blue and white shoes of his. I took my cues from him and put on a casual attire as well. “What have you got in mind now, Jay?” “Ever visited The Bacchanalian?” I had heard of the place, never visited it, though. What I had heard didn’t tempt me to try my luck there. I had heard that the place was worth its name in every aspect. “No.” “Now you will.” “Jay…” “My turn this night, Beam. Lets go.”
****************************************************
The Bacchanalian is a club that allows only men. The patronage is gay, if there happens to be a straight man among the crowd, he wouldn’t tell the fact to anyone. He would be behaving as a gay man anyway. We went into the club and found ourselves in a long line of people waiting to get inside. “Even or odd this night?” I had no idea what Jay was talking about to the man in front of us. “Even.” The man apparently knew. “And you?” “Odd.” “And the one in front of you?” “Even.” “Good.” Jay stepped in the line behind the man. “What was all that about, Jay.” “The policy of this place. This night even means topping and odd bottoming.” “Jay! You don’t mean! Do you?” “It’s up to you to decide, Beam. You can let me top you here with audience tonight. If you do, that’s it. Just once, Beam. Or you can choose to postpone our encounter. In that case there will be no audience that would bother you, but it would be more than once. You have to decide before the next man comes to the line and asks you which you are, even or odd.“ I didn’t need to think about that. I wouldn’t be bottoming in public, no way!
Here are the lyrics of the songs Beam was listening as he was jerking of. All of the songs are performed by a Finnish band Guitar Slingers and are on their album Guitar Slingers (1995) in this exact order: HOLD ME NOW (lyrics by M. O. Charles) Here I am, in the dark I’ve been waiting here for you I’m all alone, I’m hurting Tell me what’s this boy to do Hold me now In your arms is where I belong Hold me now Take me by the hand and say you care Look at me, I’m trying Oh I hope I’m not too late I’ve come around, I realize Without your love this heart will break Hold me now In your arms is where I belong Hold me now Take me by the hand and say you care I’ve done you wrong girl Let my try and make you smile I don’t want to lose you So let me stay a while, a while Hold me now In your arms is where I belong Hold me now Take me by the hand and say you care LIKE A DOG FOR THE BONE (lyrics by Ben E. Granfelt) You’ve been out there partying endlessly I’ve been sitting here, waiting patiently By the time that you have changed your mind An empty house is all you’ll find I’m just waiting here alone Been sitting here and waiting for your call There’s so much I’d like to do I’ve had enough waiting here for you “Like a dog for the bone” My bank account just hit an all time low I decided it’s time for me to go You got the house and now you got the car I got the records and my old guitar BAD CASE OF LOVING YOU (lyrics by John Moon Martin) . A hot summer night fell like a net I've gotta find my baby yet I need you to soothe my head And turn my blue heart to red Doctor Doctor, gimme the news I got a Bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I got a Bad case of lovin' you A pretty face don't make no pretty heart I learned that buddy from the start You think I'm cute, a little bit shy Mama, I ain't that kind of guy Doctor Doctor, gimme the news I got a Bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I got a Bad case of lovin' you I know you like it, you like it on top Tell me mamma, are you gonna stop? You had me down twenty one to zip Smile of Judas on your lip Shake my fist, knock on wood I got it bad, and I got it good.