Thanks to my beta Helen.
<hr>

Brian parked in the hospital and rushed inside.  He was out of his mind not sure what was going on.  Daphne had called him to tell him that the blond was at the hospital but she hadn’t told him anything else. When he got to where she was Justin’s parents where there as well.

“I got here as fast as I could,” Brian said.  “What’s going on?”

Daphne grabbed Brian by the arm.  “I have to talk to you.”

Brian let her take him away.  “Daphne, please, where is he?  What the fuck happened?”

Daphne sighed and got ready to relate the story all over again.  She was tired of repeating it to everyone but Brian had to know.  She could see the desperation in his eyes setting in.  “I called Justin earlier to see if he could lend me his laptop because mine was acting up and I needed to do some work.  I have a key so I decided to drop by.”

Brian was trying to be patient and let her tell the story but it was killing him.  He only wanted a straight answer of what had happened.

“When I got there,” Daphne closed and opened her eyes quickly trying to keep the tears at bay.  “I found Justin in the kitchen with...I called the cops really quick Brian,” she informed him and wished she hadn’t been so quick about it.  If she had waited a bit longer Cameron wouldn’t have survived.  “Cameron had come into the apartment and attacked Justin.”

Brian ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head.  

“He’s okay,” Daphne whispered with sadness in her voice.  

Brian sighed knowing that Justin shouldn’t have been alone.  He should have gone to the blond as soon as he knew that he was alone in the apartment.  He hadn’t wanted to make the blond feel imprisoned so he had let him be.  Now he regretted it like nothing in his life.

“He hit him really badly and he...” Daphne said and stopped then. She swallowed and looked up at Brian.  “He raped him.”

Brian looked at the floor and his eyes stung.  He shook his head and turned around towards the wall.  His hands firmly planted on the wall as he tried to breathe.  Daphne went to him, putting her hand on his back and standing to his left side.  

“I’m going to fucking kill that motherfucker,” the brunet hissed.  His anger was evident to anyone that passed them by.  

Craig and Jennifer kept sitting down and holding hands, they could see that Brian wasn’t taking it too well and how could he.  Everyone at that moment was devastated with what had happened to Justin.

“Cameron is in a coma,” Daphne said.

“What?” Brian asked looking at her.

“Justin managed to fight back,” Daphne informed him.  “He stabbed him and he lost a lot of blood.  He fell into a coma.”

Brian took a deep breath.  He could care less if Cameron died.  “Where is Justin?”

“That room but he’s...he’s not talking or moving or anything,” Daphne said.  “He’s awake but he’s in shock.”

Brian nodded and rushed to see his blond.  He closed the door and turned slowly towards the man.  He walked to his man and caressed Justin’s face, which was bruised.  Justin’s neck was red and he saw that the blond had more bruises all over his body.  It was killing him inside to know that he hadn’t been there for Justin.

The taller man didn’t want to think about what Justin went through because if he did he was going to find Cameron and beat him up.  He didn’t care about the other man’s condition one bit.  He wanted to hit rewind and be there for when Justin had needed him.  He had promised the blond that he wouldn’t let that asshole Cameron hurt him and now it was too late.  He had broken his promise and Justin had to endure hell because of it.

“Justin,” he whispered close to the blond’s ear.

Justin kept staring ahead.  

“Baby,” Brian murmured and caressed Justin’s face.  The word he used for the blond when Justin was hurting seemed not to be working this time.  “Look at me please.  It’s me.  Please, listen to me.”

Daphne came into the room and crossed her arms.  She hoped that Justin would react now that Brian was there.  Everyone had come to see Justin and tried to talk to him but it was pointless.  Justin was buried deep into his own world.

“Justin!” Brian hissed.  He put his hands on Justin’s arms and shook him a bit.  

Daphne frowned and moved closer to them.  “Maybe you should let him rest.  I’m sure that this is only temporarily.”

“No,” Brian said getting desperate.  “Justin, look at me.”

“Stop it,” Daphne said as she stood at the other side of Justin’s hospital bed.

Brian started shaking Justin.  He just wanted the blond to talk to him.  To tell him he was okay.

“Brian!” Daphne yelled.

“Brian,” Justin said snapping out of his trance.  “Brian.”

“Justin,” Brian said pulling the blond into his arms.

“Oh my god,” Daphne said as she hugged the blond as well.  “Oh my god.  Justin!” she shrieked with happiness.

Justin pulled away from them and stared at them.  He bit his lower lip and then looked down at his hands.  “I killed Cameron,” he informed them.  “And I don’t regret it.”

Daphne opened her mouth a bit in shock.  Brian frowned but decided not to listen to that right now.  He knew the blond was in a bad place at the moment but what mattered was that he was okay.

“Justin,” Daphne said in a low voice.  “He’s not dead,” she informed him.  “He’s in a coma.  But if he wakes up he’s as good as fucked.  The police know what happened.”

Justin started crying then and when Brian tried to hug him the blond pulled away.  Brian stood there in shock before he moved out of the room.  He couldn’t believe that his lover was pulling away from him when he hadn’t done anything but try and comfort him.

“Brian,” Jennifer said when the man came out.

“He’s awake,” Brian told them refusing to stop.

Jennifer rushed to see her son.  Craig followed the brunet.

“You can go and see him,” Brian told the man when he heard someone behind him and stopped to see who it was.

“Where are you going?” Craig asked.

“I...he doesn’t want me there,” Brian replied.

“Did he tell you that?” Craig asked.  He looked at the closed door and then back at Brian.  “What happened in there?”

Brian shook his head.  “He pulled away from me.”

“I know what happened,” Craig said in a low voice.  “What...that man did to him,” Craig said frowning.  It was hard for him to deal with the fact that Justin had been hurt so gravely.

Brian cleared his throat and tried to be strong.  He didn’t want to imagine what they were thinking or feeling because of their son’s attack.  It was him and he couldn’t get past it.  If he closed his eyes he was transported to the one time Cameron tried to have his way with Justin but he had been there.  And if he kept thinking about it he could picture the asshole taking his man against his will and his heart just crushed.  He took a deep breath and looked at Craig.

“I don’t know what to do here,” Craig said.  “But I guess being there should count for something.”

Brian nodded.

“I bet he wouldn’t want you to leave him now,” the older man said before he went to see his son.

Brian stood there a few minutes before he turned around and kept on going.  When he was outside he lighted a cigarette and took a long drag.  He didn’t know why he was going crazy, but he was.  He thought of the many times he spend with Justin and smiled when he saw the blond smile.  They shared a lot of great moments that he enjoyed.  Now Justin was suffering and even though he hadn’t been there, he felt it.  It was destroying him in so many ways; it had to be killing Justin a hundred times worst.

He had seen how devastated Justin had looked, how scared he was when he tried to touch him.  But it didn’t matter now.  He knew what he had to do.  He threw the cigarette away and started walking.  He went back to the room and sat down when he got there.  He paid attention to everything that happen, when the doctor came, then the detectives and finally a nurse.  He watched as Jennifer and Daphne fussed over Justin and how Craig kept at a distance very quiet but attentive.

At the end of it all when they were leaving Justin turned to him and smiled at him.  Brian’s heart soared and it was worth every minute he sat there agonizing.  When everything was quiet and the lights went out and they weren’t speaking to each other he knew it was perfectly fine.  He just needed to be there next to Justin and even thought Justin wasn’t coming anywhere near him; he knew the blond wanted him there.

***

“Brian,” Michael shouted as he entered the loft.  “Brian!”

“I’m here,” Brian said coming out of the bedroom briefly before he went back inside.  In his hand he was holding a shirt and a deodorant.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked. 

“Getting some clothes for Justin,” Brian told him as he put the shirt inside the bag he was preparing for the blond.  “He’s coming home today.”

Michael heard the way the brunet said ‘coming home’ but didn’t say anything about it.  “So, that means that you two are back together.  How did it happen?”  Michael asked happy for his friend.  “And how come you’re taking his clothes if he’s coming home?”

Brian frowned as he stared at the bed.  He had completely forgotten about the fact that he and Justin were supposed to be fighting.  He closed his eyes and wished that things were different.  Then he regretted thinking that because if he’d never started the stupid bet he would have never met the blond.

“Brian,” Michael said when he saw his friend was deep in thought.

“Uh, I talked to him a few days ago and he said we were going to try,” Brian said quickly.  “But um, I’m going to the hospital actually.”

Michael frowned not sure what was going on.  “Why?”

“He...he was attacked,” Brian said his voice was barely above a whisper.

Michael walked closer to the brunet.  “What happened?  Who did it?”

“It was his ex,” Brian answered his friend.  He closed his eyes briefly as the image of Cameron’s body entered his head.  He went to see the man wanting nothing more than to kill him.

“God,” Michael said.  “Is he going to be okay?  What did he do to him?”

Brian nodded slowly.  “Justin’s going to be okay.”

“Did they arrest the guy?” Michael asked sitting on the bed.  He looked up at Brian and waited for an answer.

“He’s dead,” Brian informed him.

Michael swallowed hard.  “Brian, you didn’t kill him, did you?”

Brian’s chuckle was a sour one.  “I only wish but...Justin did.”

Michael was so lost.  “What do you mean?”

“He was defending himself,” Brian explained and sat down as well.  

“Is he going to get in trouble?” Michael asked.

“I don’t think so,” Brian said.  “It was self-defense.”

“Wow,” Michael said, his mind blown away.  The last thing he thought was that so many things had happened since the last time he saw Brian and Justin.  He had tried to call Brian but apparently the brunet always had something to do.  He was worried that the brunet wasn’t going to see Justin again.  “How bad was it if he’s in the hospital?”

Brian rubbed his face and the grip he had on the deodorant he had been holding each time got stronger. “There is more that I haven’t told you.”

Michael frowned.  “What?”

“That bastard!” Brian suddenly hissed throwing the deodorant he had been holding against a wall.  Then he closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing.

Michael looked at where the object landed and then at his best friend. “Brian,” he said as he grabbed Brian by the arm and pulled him closer.  “What’s wrong?”

“He raped him,” Brian told him quickly and it sliced him as the words left his mouth.  He got up from the bed and started pacing.

Michael opened his mouth wide.  He couldn’t believe it.

“And I don’t think it was the first time either,” Brian whispered.  “I know it wasn’t.  He never said it out loud but I knew.  I knew.”

“Jesus Christ,” Michael said.  He didn’t know what he could say to make things better.  “God, poor Justin.  Brian, what can I do?”

“Nothing,” Brian told him.  “Nothing at all.”

Michael got up and went to hug Brian.  “Brian, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Brian pushed him away slightly.  He shrugged and walked way towards the bathroom.  Michael put his hands on his hips and looked around the room.  He went and picked up the deodorant that didn’t look like it had suffered.  Then he started to finish what Brian had been doing before he arrived.

“I have to go,” Brian said coming out.  He went from one place in the loft to another really fast picking up his wallet, his keys, his cell phone, before he was back in front of Michael.

“I’m sorry, Brian,” Michael said hugging him tightly.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Is not your fault,” Brian pointed out and once again pulled away.  

“Neither is yours,” Michael assured him.  “Let me help you out.”

Brian shook his head.  “It’s okay.”

“I’m going with you,” Michael informed him.

“That’s not necessary,” Brian assured him.

“How long have you known me?” Michael asked and arched his eyebrows.

Brian sighed.  “Whatever,” the brunet muttered.

When Brian had everything that he needed they headed out.  Instead of going to the hospital they ended at Justin’s place.

“What are we doing here?” Michael asked.

“Justin’s apartment is in that building,” Brian informed him.  “I have the keys plus we’re taking the Jeep.  Daphne is at the hospital with him.”

“Oh,” Michael said as he got out of the car and took the bag with Justin’s things with him.

When they entered the place everything in the living room seemed fine but as they reached the kitchen they saw nothing but disaster.  There were many kitchen accessories thrown all over the place.  The window was shattered to pieces and right in the middle of the floor was a gigantic, dried bloodstain.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Michael said and frowned at the smell.

“We have to clean this,” Brian informed his friend.  “The cops were here already.  They took pictures and everything they needed.  Justin can’t come home to find this,” he said.  Even thought he didn’t have any intention of bringing Justin there.  The blond was going home with him where he could keep an eye on him.

“Or we could call someone to clean it,” Michael pointed out.

“No,” Brian told him.  “I’m going to take satisfaction on cleaning his blood from the floor knowing that he screamed like a pig; that every drop that fell from him drained his life slowly.”

Michael frowned not liking Brian’s tone but didn’t fight him.  Between the two of them they cleaned the whole mess. There were a lot of things that had to be thrown away.  When they were done Brian called someone to come to the apartment and fix the window, he set a day and then they left.  

“Thanks, Mikey,” Brian told him when they were in the Jeep headed towards the hospital.

“Sure,” Michael responded.  “So, um, can I ask you something?”

“What?” Brian asked.

“Do you love him?” Michael asked and wondered for the first time if Brian really did.

Brian stayed quiet and Michael got his answer.  The dark haired man looked towards the window as he smiled.  He didn’t have any doubts any longer.  

“No,” Brian answered. “I’m just taking care of him because of everything that has happened.  It’s only right.”

“Right,” Michael said but it was too late.  He could see through his friend as clear as day.

When they arrived at the hospital Daphne was waiting for them outside.  She told them that Justin was frantic to go home.  Brian went up to get him and told him that he was going to stay with him.  At first Justin told him it wouldn’t be necessary but then he relented.  The brunet waited for Justin to take a shower and then change.  Then they went to sign some papers before Justin could leave.  The bruises were still there reminding them of what had happened.

“Do you guys feel like going to eat something?” Brian asked as they were all on the Jeep.

“Could we buy something and take it to the loft?” Justin asked.  “I don’t feel like sitting on public paces?”

“Sure,” Brian said.  

Michael sat on the front next to Brian while Daphne and Justin were in the back seat.  Suddenly he felt a tap on his right side and he looked back to see Justin smiling at him.  He smiled back.

“Thanks for being with him,” Justin whispered before he leaned back.  He knew that Brian needed someone to lean on and apparently it was Michael’s time to give his friend strength.

Michael smiled widely before he looked at Brian.  He knew that the brunet needed a friend and he was glad to be there; that was his job.

***

When Brian arrived from work he was scared that Justin had left.  The place was in complete darkness.  He had told the blond he could have stayed but Justin insisted that he would go work or he was going to leave.  

“Brian?” Justin asked coming out of the bedroom.  He was in his pajamas and his hair was all tussled.

“Hey,” Brian said but didn’t go to kiss him.  Ever since the blond had pulled away from him the first time he just let Justin have his space.  He even slept in the sofa so Justin would have the bed for himself.  He had woken up with a bad back but he didn’t care as long as Justin was okay.

“How was work?” Justin asked.

“Good,” Brian told him.  “I brought food.”

Justin nodded and walked to the kitchen with Brian.  They served each other and went to sit down.  Justin kept playing with his food and Brian did pretty much the same.  Justin kept looking at Brian but the brunet was scared to ask what was wrong.  He could see that something was bothering the younger man. 

“Brian,” Justin finally said.

“What?” Brian asked.

“I think I should go home,” Justin informed him.

“I don’t want you to,” Brian said.

“Why not?” Justin asked.

“I don’t know,” Brian said with a shrug.  He took a napkin and cleaned his mouth.  “I want you to stay here with me.”

“I don’t want to bother you, Brian,” Justin argued.  “There is nothing to be afraid of anymore.”

“I know that,” Brian responded.  “You don’t bother me,” he said as he took his plate and went to put it on the sink.

Justin did the same.  Then he went to sit down at the sofa.  He watched Brian silently as the man went to his bedroom to change.  Then Brian came to his desk and worked on his computer for a while. When he was done he went back to his bedroom.  All that time Justin kept surfing the T.V. not finding anything worth watching.  

“When do you have to go back to the hospital?” Brian asked as he sat on the sofa away from the blond.

“In a week,” Justin informed him.  They had to check that he was healing.  And they were doing another set of tests.

“I’ll go with you,” Brian told him.

“Why are you doing all this?” Justin asked angrily.

Brian turned to look at him with a raised brow.  “What?”

“You obviously don’t want me anywhere near you,” Justin told him.  “So why go through all the trouble?  Do you feel guilty, is that it?”

“No way!” Brian said getting up.  He walked toward Justin and stood in front of him.  “There is nothing more I want than to hold you in my arms, Justin.  But you...you pulled away from me and I’m just giving you time.”

Justin looked at the floor.  “Okay.”

Brian squatted in front of the blond and touched his face.  The blond shut his eyes and frowned a bit.  Brian didn’t pull away right at that moment.  He leaned closer and kissed Justin’s temple.  Justin relaxed noticeably. 

“Don’t forget, Jus,” Brian told him. “I always do whatever I want.”

Justin smiled and nodded.  “I know.”

“Good,” Brian said getting up.  “I’m going to take a shower.  Maybe we could go out for a while.  We could go see Daphne.  She’s been calling nonstop.”

Justin nodded absently.  “Brian,” he said as he stood up.

Brian turned around and arched a brow.  He watched as the blond slowly walked to him.  

“Thank you,” Justin told him and got on his tiptoes.  He kissed Brian and pulled away before he went back to the sofa.  

Brian watched him for a few seconds and then he smiled like a fool.  By the time they arrived at Daphne’s house Justin was pretty sure that Brian’s face was frozen with that smirk.

***

Ben was about to leave the gym when he spotted Brian sitting on one of the benches.  He frowned knowing real well that Brian never sat at the back.  He walked over to him and sat astride on the bench in front of Brian but the brunet didn’t even see him.

“Brian,” Ben said worried for the man.

Brian snapped out of his trance.  “Ben,” he whispered.  He didn’t know how long Ben had been there.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked.

“Sure,” Brian told him.  “I’m fine,” he said and got up to get out of his sweaty clothes.  He took his shirt off and opened the locker he was using it.  He threw the shirt inside and picked a towel which he threw over his shoulder.

“I read the paper,” Ben informed him.  The attack had made it to the newspaper because Cameron had died from the attack.  They talked about how Cameron went to the apartment to attack the blond and how Justin defended himself.  

Brian nodded.  “Justin is better now.  Things are going to be okay.”

“And Michael told me what happened,” Ben said.  “Everything,” he said letting Brian know that even thought the paper didn’t say that Justin had been abused, he knew about it. 

Brian kept silent.  

“He’s racking his brain trying to find a way to help you and Justin,” Ben said.  “He really loves you.”

Brian hoped Michael didn’t go nuts with the issue, it was his and Justin’s problem and he would take care of it.  He took off his shorts and then put the towel around his waist.  “I’m going to take a shower,” Brian informed him.

“I know this must be killing you,” Ben told him ignoring Brian’s change of subject trying to escape from him.

“It didn’t happen to me,” Brian spat out.  “He’s the one that had to go threw hell, just because I wasn’t there.”

“Brian,” Ben said getting up.  “This is not your fault.”

“Of course it is,” Brian shouted. “I didn’t protect him.  I knew that bastard was after him and I didn’t do fucking shit to stop this!  I couldn’t help him.”

“Is that why you’re feeling so bad?” Ben asked crossing his arms.

“Yes,” Brian admitted.  “I should have been there.”

“Is not your fault,” Ben said like so many other people had said before.  

Brian was tired of hearing it. 

“Maybe that’s not it,” Ben said.  “I think you’re in this state because of something else.”

“What?” Brian asked not knowing what the man was talking about.  He stared at Ben with an arched brow.

“Maybe you’re like this because the man you love is hurting and you don’t know how to fix it,” Ben pointed out.  “Because you and I know it was out of your power to save him.  But you want to pretend that’s what’s eating you and maybe it is but you’re giving priority to the one thing that doesn’t need it.”

“You don’t know that!” Brian shouted.  “If I have kept by him all the time...”

“That’s impossible Brian!” Ben shouted. 

Brian was taken aback.  He had never seen the man snap at any one.

“You couldn’t have locked Justin up for the rest of his life,” the blond man informed him.  

Brian was so angry.  He sat back down wondering what he was going to do with Justin.  Ever since the attack Justin wouldn’t want him near and it was killing him.  He thought that they were making progress but that had been a total bust. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Ben said sitting as well.  “You’ll have to work hard on it.”

“I don’t know what to fucking do,” Brian told him.  He was letting of all his walls as he talked to Ben.  

“Just be there for him,” Ben replied as he put his hand on Brian’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  “That’s all.”

Brian nodded letting Ben know that he was listening.  Apparently people had to keep reminding him that for now, being there for Justin was the only solution.  He was glad that he was talking with Ben.  Then he remembered something the man said.  “I don’t love him,” Brian said suddenly.

Ben laughed.  “Right.”

“I don’t,” Brian assured him.  “This is not real and you know it.  I care about him after all this time knowing him; he’s not that bad.  He could be a good friend and the guys like him.”

“Let’s pretend we’re not having this conversation and have it,” Ben told him.  “You love him and there is nothing you can do about it.  Justin needs you right now.  He needs help getting into the old routine and it’s going to take a lot of time.  He trusts you, I’m sure.”

Brian frowned.  “Look Ben...”

“No,” Ben said firmly.  “Please don’t lie to me.”

“Look Ben,” Brian said again; he felt very cornered at the moment.  “Is not what you think.”

“It doesn’t matter really,” Ben said getting up and grabbing his gym bag.  

Brian frowned as he looked up at the man.

“You can say anything you want,” Ben said as he started to leave but then stopped to look at the brunet.  “Because you can lie to me and the guys and the rest of the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.”

Brian frowned a bit and opened his mouth to say something but he wasn’t sure if Ben just walked away to quick or if he didn’t have anything to say about the issue.  Then like Ben had said before; he just pretended that they didn’t have that conversation.