Me in church sounds like the punch line to a joke. I kept expecting the lightning bolt to strike me down at any moment. Mom was oblivious or drunk take your pick. 

I'm no angel. Like that's news. I pretty much lost interest in church around the same time I discovered I was gay. Not that I was all that devout before that, but afterward I got the impression that God hated fags like me. Then again, my sources may not have been completely reliable. Joan and Jack Kinney were probably the last two people I should have consulted on the issue. Insert your own, 'Well, duh!' here. 

Sitting in the pew with my mom listening to her go on and on about the new minister and how he'd been like a son to her, I'll admit to being fucking jealous despite myself. I hated that and it's why I snarked about hoping mom didn't treat him like a son. 

Then Mr. Wonderful came waltzing out and low and behold it turns out the good reverend is none other than my trick from the baths a couple night before. Reverend Buttfuck. Ha! I nearly laughed out loud. Mom gave me 'the look' when I snickered and I tried to cover by putting my hand over my mouth. The best part though was when mom introduced us. The look of sheer terror on the man's face was God damned priceless. I thought Reverend Tom was going to have a stroke right there on the steps of the cathedral. 

I didn't really have any intention of telling my mother then. I was more than willing to let him off the hook. I mean why not, right? It's not like he's hurting anyone. But, then mom had to find her way to my front door while Justin and I were, well, in the middle of something. 

I should have seen it coming. It was like a movie script. Mom's talking about how she wants us to be closer and Justin calls out to see if I'm coming back. I think I stopped breathing for a second or two. Now, I love Justin, don't ever tell him that, but sometimes he has absolutely no sense of timing. Why he had to pick that particular moment to come out of the bedroom in just his jeans walking like he'd been riding a horse for a couple of days I don't know. 

It was funny in a scary sort of free fall with out a parachute way. There I was with a Viagra enhanced hard on, Justin looking more than well fucked, and my shell-shocked mother all standing together as the pieces fell together. I take it back it was not like a movie script at all, but the convoluted plot line on a sitcom. 

What Mom said about me going to hell because I'm gay really fucking hurt. It hurt because I knew nothing would ever change the way she felt. I also knew how the mighty would fall if she knew the truth about the good reverend. I'm quite sure that if she'd seen him on all fours taking it as hot and hard as I was giving it, she'd die of shock. Not exactly an unpleasant thought and I guess that's why I decided to fucking tell her all about my little tryst with Reverend Tom. 

And I was going to fucking do it. I was going to rat out that son of a bitch just to get back at the old twat. I could hardly wait. I know how that sounds. Heartless. Insensitive. Uncaring. Vindictive. But, Fuck it. As far as I was concerned, he deserved it and so did she. 

I almost did it. The words were on the tip of my fucking tongue. It would have been sweet too. There mom was in church of all places. Perfect, right? Damn straight. As far as I was concerned the only thing that would have made it better was if Reverend Buttfuck himself had been there to watch his downfall. That would have been the icing on the cake, but that would have to wait. 

Then, Mom started talking. At first, it was all bullshit that I had heard already. Then it was the crap about 'protecting' me from my father. Yeah right. Mom has always had selective memory when it comes to my father and this was no exception. Although, I don't know about him hitting her. I never saw it if it happened. After I turned 12 or 13, I tried to spend as little time at home as I possibly could. Thank God for Mikey and Deb. 

Anyway, she went on and on but I was only about half assed listening. Then she said that there was one person she could always count on to be there for her no matter what. I assumed it was Reverend Tom. But, she kind of threw me for a loop when she said it was God. I felt my heart leap into my throat. Maybe Lindsay was right. Why should I disillusion her? Why would I want to take away the only thing she really has left? Even I'm not *that* big of an asshole. 

I'm no angel, but I am *not* evil incarnate either. I let them both off the fucking hook. What else could I do? I mean, what would have been the use? 

When I left the church, I was done. Done with church, done with Reverend Tom, and done with my mother. At least, for the time being. Until the next time Claire The Bitch comes over and busts my chops over not spending any time with the old bat. 

I went back to the loft. Justin was still working, so I went ahead and showered and shaved so we could go out when he got home. He wanted to go to Babylon and taunt all the hard bodies by *not* picking any of them up and just going home together. We've done this before.  I almost got into a fight by doing it. Even then it's still fun. 

We got to Babylon and all I wanted to do was dance and drink and forget everything connected to Mommy Dearest. That's just what we were doing when Justin said he was thirsty. I went to the bar and ordered only to have Reverend Tom show up and offer to pay for our drinks. I'm never one to turn down free booze, so I let him. He thanked me for not spilling the beans on his sexual orientation. I meant it when I said that I didn't do it for him. 

"You're a good son." He said with a goofy smile on his face. 

"Promise not to tell." I said sarcastically. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hell." 

By the time I go back to Justin who was bouncing around and looking amazingly hot and oh so fuckable, Reverend Tom was the furthest thing from my mind. Justin tends to have that affect on me. He is the center of my attention. Always has been since the first time I saw him leaning against the lamppost on Liberty Avenue. 

Now as I lie here in the dark with Justin draped over me, drowsy from earlier exertions, I think about God. Would he be so harsh as to send me to hell for whom I choose to fuck? To love? Can love be so wrong simply because it is outside the social norm? I just can't believe that. I can't believe that what I feel for Justin is wrong. Or a sin. 

I look down a the top of Justin's head and I just know that my mother has to be wrong. If a person is lucky enough to find someone, anyone, to love, should it matter whether that person is of the same sex? 

I kiss Justin on the top of his head and smile to myself as he pulls himself impossibly closer to me. With that thought circling my head, I yawn and finally allow my drowsiness to over take me. 

The end.