When I awoke from my beautiful (and vastly exciting) dream, unfortunately it wasn't Brian who roused me with a tickling kiss. Well, at least not THIS Bri. It was the one with the four legs that was waiting for his breakfast. A look at the clock told me that wasn't even morning anymore, but afternoon already. I had slept the morning away. ''Shit.'' I mumbled and rose. But directly afterwards I sank back into my pillow again. Uh, my head felt as if a trucker went over it. Maybe I shouldn't have drunk that much the day before! ''Go away, you pain in the neck!'' I was everything but gentle as he pushed my dog out the bed. ''Look for food by yourself! I won't get up today!'' Nothing, neither the crammed tissues in my ears nor the blanket over my head could block out the noise-making of the hungry animal. Bri was barking, howling and scratching on the door, till the bell rang again. ''If this is a neighbor who wants to complain, he can shoot you!'' I yelled. Damn, where did I have the pain-killers for my head? ''Justin, you idiot! What's going on here?! Open the door!'' The voice of the man outside even drowned out the animal's. ''Uhh not again.'' I groaned and finally swung my legs out of the bed. ''Brian, why doesn't it surprise me anymore? Did you shut yourself out again?'' I wanted to sound unnerved, but the other man's blushing face put a smile on my lips against my will. ''Hmm yeah...'' Brian treaded from one foot to the other one. ''I forgot my key again. But at least I have your...your...This is for you.'' He quickly pressed a creasing wrapped something into my hands. Yeah, Brian had never been an expert at making gifts. ''Huh? Why...?'' ''Because you are so nice. I always shut myself out...And you let me in your apartment... although...I know I'm getting on your nerves. But I can't do anything about it... I would say it‘s an age-thing. But that can‘t be because I‘m still young.'' Brian began to stammer nervously and seemed to have trouble trying not to swallow the wrong way at his own words. I have never seen him acting that way. It was kind of funny - and sweet. ''Come in.“ I blurted out before I could think about my words. Great, now I was stuck with him again. I wanted to slap myself. ''Okay, that's is. I'll go back downstairs and wait for the key-service. But I had to give you...'' ''Brian!'' I grasped his arm and dragged him into the apartment. Could it be that I was the stupidest man alive? Why the heck did I do that now? Somehow my brain didn‘t seem to work when Brian was near me. ''I really have no idea what's wrong with me lately. I have never been that awkward before. But since you are not living with me anymore, everything seems to go wrong. Stumbling over your shit every morning probably brought me good luck.“ I was speechless and didn‘t know what to answer. Was that Brian‘s way of telling me that he missed me? In former times I would have been sure of it. But after all those fights and the latest disaster with him I was not so sure anymore if I could read him correctly. „Justin, are you really happy here? Alone?“ He gave me this look that I have already fallen for the first time it was directed to me. I wanted to be strong. Really. Instead I felt panic flowing through my body. What did Brian want from me? I hoped he didn‘t want to use me again and then throw me away like a pair of shoes that was worn out of shape. I couldn‘t go through that anymore! I just couldn‘t let him break my heart one more time or it would never be mended again. ''You didn‘t answer me. Are you happy here?'' Brian was suddenly too serious again. The smile was sliding from his lips and he starred so gloomy at me, that I couldn't help but shifting uncomfortably back and forth on the couch. ''I am content… I think.'' I said hesitantly. ''Do you really think I wouldn't know why you left me?'' Shit, he can't know what's wrong with me! He just can't! As crazy as it sounded, Brian couldn‘t stand people that were in love with him. His fucked up childhood must have caused that. He probably thought that nobody could love him, and who claimed it, was lying. Besides he didn‘t like people that were too devoted. ''What can't I know?'' Brian's question made me realize that I had spoken out loud my last thoughts. But before I could find a convenient excuse, the bell rang again. As usual it was the guy from the key-service. But something was different today though. The always amused face looked dark and sharply at Brian now. ''That's not right!'' The man finally spoke up. ''I had to run away from my son's birthday party, only because you are such a coward! You should finally tell it to him and not always send me there for senseless imitation of work. I have enough!'' ''What's going on here?'' I stared and was even more confused when the guy gripped into Brian's pocket and pulled out a key. Brian's key! That tag with a picture of Rage identified it.